Evening Star Newspaper, December 16, 1934, Page 99

STAR, WASHINGTON, D. C, DECEMBER 16, 1934. NAGGING WIFE o5, HusBAND 1S BEYOND REFORM F YOU love a nagging woman—and there are men who think they can—don’t marry “her in the fickle hope that you can rebuild hér voice and nature until a recipe for spinach becomes music when she talks about it! It the man you love is a nagger and you're optimistic about it, just remember that your presence, no matter how charming, will not cure him. You are marrying the chosen one for better or worse, and if pre-marital conditions are disagreeable, accept them as a prophecy of trouble. If you marry and are unhappy, com- fort yourself with the knowledge that you took the one you loved for worse! Married, single, ill, well, happy, unhappy, busy, idle—a nagger will always nag! This is the deduction of Maj. A. Hamilton Gibbs, famous author, whose recent book, “Rovers Glide On,” deals in large part with the attempt of middle-aged George Hibberd to escape from his wife, who has become a nagging old scold. Physical escape was im- portant. But mental and spiritual escape was infinitely more so. So he sets out to seek salvation, weary of his own world of non- comprehension. Maj. Gibbs, who studied human nature far and near before drawing his deductions, says that the nagging weed cannot be uprooted. “It is my conviction, based on observation, that a man can nag as badly as a woman,” he declares. “In both cases the only real remedy is a swift reaching for a meat ax. I fail to see how any jury could bring in any other verdict than justifiable homicide against either maen or woman who, being a nagger, is bloodily slain by his or her better half, in a wild at- tempt for freedom. “L_|OW can they avoid it? How can a dog avoid having hydrophobia? No. I take that back. It's an insult to the canine. After all, a perfectly sound dog can catch it in a heat wave, but the human who nags isn’t sound. “There’s a taint in the chemical formula that went to his or her making, and there's nothing to be done about it. It’s just too bad! My confirmed belief is that one can't fight one’s formula, heredity and training to the contrary notwithstanding. “The question arises as to whether or not one can discover the tendency to nag before marriage. Well, why not? It doesn’t take an ultra-astute girl to tell if her beau is a tight- wad, does it? And nagging is an irresistible vice that crops up at every chance. “If it isn’t directed at one’s self, prior to the wedding ceremony, in all human probability it is already in full flower against the members of his or her family. . . . You'll notice that I keep on saying ‘his or her.” You can’t convince me that nagging isn't a 50-50 proposition.” Maj. Gibbs discounts the old theory that it is more difficult for a man to live with an uncomfortable wife than for a woman to live with a similarly disagreeable husband. “It isn’'t any more difficult for a man to live with a woman than for a woman to live with a man,” he asserts. “Neither is easy, for the simple reason that brains are rare. But given a modicum of brains, I would say that the primary requisite for non-friction in mar- *There’s a taint in his or her chemical formula and there is nothing to be done about it,” declares the famous author, who contributes herewith some frank and interesting views on matrimony ried life—and that's golng a long way, isn't it?— is sympathy. “If you'll take a look at the dictionary you will find that sympathy comes from the Greek words which mean to suffer with. And that’s just about it. You've got to be able to suffer with a man, or a woman, and at the same time that he or she is suffering. “Does that sound a little cockeyed? Per- haps. But try it once or twice and I think you will find that it works pretty well. “It means that if a man is up against some- thing he will confide in his wife rather than in somebody else; and the wife won’'t have to go to a psychoanalyst. She’ll tell her husband. And if that isn’t the healthy way to go about it, then what have you?” EX, which flaunts its charms from every billboard and every advertisement along the road, has to be counted out as a strong struc- ture for marriage, according to the popular novelist. It has a place, of course, but it is only a fraction of the whole. “I'm not sure, but I think I know one way whereby a husband and wife can arrive at greater emotional compatibility,” he remarks. “Forget sex. “I mean by that don’t get married for a lovely body or pretty face alone. The physi- cal element lasts just as long. That remark has been made more than a million times, but nobody ever takes it for granted. It always has to be found out personally and painfully. “That is why I say that brains are rare. The only trouble with marriage is that no one ever does any thinking till afterward, “It’s like dealing in Wall Street on margin. Only in marriage, the devil of it is you always get called. That advice is negative, perhaps. Now he makes a positive suggestion. “Oddly enough, and of course one is a stodgy old fool to say this, there are two indis- pensables to a successful marriage. One is solemnity. Another is loyalty. Then, of course, there are such old-fashioned things as a sense of duty, a sense of compromise. “Another item which should be added is a willingness to practice monogamy when mar- ried. It doesn't suggest much permanency when you see a young wife slopping all over her husband’s boy friend, or the husband paw- ing somebody’s else wife on the sofa. “It is done with a lot of so-called sophisti- cated wisecracking, with the old cocktail shaker going overtime. Of course it’s terribly smart and up to date—if you don't happen to think it smacks of the pig sty.” The Bible, which says that the twain shall become one flesh, makes no suggestions about the mind and heart and spirit. Emotional privacy was one of the qualities that George Hibberd sought in his misunderstood world, which Maj. Gibbs describes in his book. Such privacy is the cornerstone of happy marital life. Where it exists there can be no nag- ging, according to the author's formula. “The importance of privacy goes deeper than having a room to one’s self in which to strew papers and so on,” Maj. Gibbs continues. “Pri- vacy is one of the essential elements in mar- riage. Married folk can ignore it only at their peril. "NO BETTER {llustration of privacy has ever been given than that of Mr. Kahlil Gibran in a small volume called ‘The Prophet.’ Let me quote a few lines: Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance be- tween you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but mot into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow. “In other words, the mere question of live ing in two rooms doesn’t begin to be important once the knowledge of how to live has been imbibed. The ‘spaces in your togetherness’ are not the physical spaces. They are of the mind and the soul, the outcome of that intuitive knowledge which dictates when to ask, and when not to ask, when to insist and when to compromise, “The root of all unhappiness in marriage 18 not a two-room apartment when all of your friends have four rooms, nor a bank statement =* shot full of holes, nor having to eat a fried egg when you feel like caviar. The root of unhap- piness in marriage is mostly ego, a blind self- ishness which cannot see that one’s partner is a person, too, with feelings just as keen as one’s own; with a heart that can ache just as damn- ably as one’s own, and which has an equally strong desire to express itself, whether in bad temper or in terms of cheerfulness. “In other words, you have married a human being, haven't you? Granted this remarkably simple bit of knowledge, what difference does it make whether you live in two rooms or in & duplex? And what earthly difference should it make whether the world is in a depression or at the peak of prosperity? “Aren’t people getting happiness out ef = marriage in Russia, in spite of a political theory in which we do not believe? Or in Germany in spite of Hitler and all of his buddies? “All of these things are mere externals. A man and woman who love each other have something that revolutions and depressions can- pot touch.” AJ. GIBBS believes most soundly that two people who enter the marriage relation- ship must do so with a sincere desire and belief that it will last always. In order %o achieve this aim they must have a definite realization of the step that they are taking, he states. “It is hardly an exaggeration to say that many of the young people of today tackle mat- rimony as though it were a week-end party, something to relieve the boredom, an escape from the humdrum,” he says. “It would be better for society, as well as for themselves, if they made it a week end. “There wouldn't be any of the inevitable aftermath of divorce, which, after all, is merely a confession of flat failure, of lack of brains, of lack of understanding of the word marriage.” It follows, of course, from Maj. Gibbs' plea for a sincere desire to build a marriage that will last, that both parties to the union must come to realize the values of old-fashioned ~ monogamy. The early post-war years saw fidelity relegated to a place imong the out-of- style habits which, according to the young in- tellectuals, we were outgrowing. The only trou- ble was that when it was discarded, the mar- riages involved seemed to have a way of going on the rocks. More and more, people are beginning to realize that making a successful marriage leaves little time for treading the primrose path. Bwnfit Total Hu ge HE Federal Government’s payments o i farmers under the various crop curtailment programs are expected to reach a grand total of about $800,000,000 for the three years from 1933 through 1935. These payments are to be made to growers of wheat, corn, hogs, cotton and certain types of tobacco.