Evening Star Newspaper, July 25, 1926, Page 77

HE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTO 25, 1926—PART 5. Thoughts of Busy Humorists Turn to Sports and Other Activities Painting the Family Car Against Its Will | Involves Some Unexpected Incidents ! BY NINA WTLCOX PUTNAM. IKE ANGELO, the famous Irish-Ttalian painter ex- claimed, when he had ploughed about half way through that well-known Nona Lisa picture of his, “I have put my hand to the paint pot and I will not turn back!"” And just how he felt was some- thing which come over me recent, when I and George, that's my hus- band, decided to paint our car. The meed for doing so come over us one afternoon when we was putting it up in our ready-made one-car garage. The garage is kinda narrow and we haf to use a shoe-horn to get the car into it, one of us sitting at the Sheel, and the other using said shoe- horn. Then the one at the wheel has to climb out the window of the garage @after the car is in. When the portable garage first £ome we couldn't figure out why the wWwindow was there, on account the car wouldn't naturally care about any window te look out of, it wasn't as &f we sxpeeted to keep a horse in the darn thing. But the first time we used the garage we found out why the window was there. Also why it was called a. portable garage. For if our car had been 'y of a inch wider &nd it had been in gear, the car would of portabled that little mail order building right on over into the vege- gabie garden. Well anyways, this putting the car p and getting it out was kinda hard n the paint-job, and this afternoon I am speaking about, the poor lizzie ertainly looked something awful. T really had ought to have that car inted, says Geo. giving it the dou- le ephis with a eritical eye, it 1s a might, but with the motor skipping nlong like it does, if that was painted over, you couldn't tell it from New and we could get along with it for the next eight or ten years! And T says why ves, dear, but re- painting a awful expensive job, it would cost at least $50! And he #says well T dunno, 1 heard that Gen- eral Bluster got his car painted for £35.98 over at the Slapdash Garage, and it's a mighty fine job, he's had it out for a month and it's only just beginning to crack. And I well, we would crack long before that, grack under the strain of paying for jt. I have a idea, George, why not paing it ourselves? Well, the answer to that why not is a thing a person can only learn by experience. At the time George couldn't see a thing against it any more then he would of seen against taking a free present of a mililon dollars. Why, he says, that’s quite a idea, Jennie, he says, it's really nothing of a job, we could do it in about a hour, and all it would cost would be the paint, I got a coupla old brushes somewheres around, one is a clothes brush and the other is a tooth brush, and I guess- we could make out all right with them. Then there is that bottle of post-war hooch your uncle sent us last Xmas we can use that for paint remover, I'll bet we can bring down the cost to about 75c at most. So I says, yeh, I belleve you can, dear, it was awful clever of you to think of vpainting it ourselves, and Geo. says oh well, I haf to use my brains onct in a while. And he Jaughed In that semi-modest way husbands have of doing at such times. And any thoroughly practieal wife, of which T am admittedly one, will realize the point. If you want & husband to do something, the first stop is to make him belleve he thought of it his own self. Well, says Geo. then, what color shall we paint it, black I guess. And I says well, while we are at it, why not have something real snappy? 1 think it would look wonderful painted jight pink with dark green lines. And Geo. says wonderful is correct, no, 1 think dark gray with magenta wheels and blue running gear, I saw a peach of a job the other da; t was a Rolls Royce in a painte: olic green with a little dash of lavender, it was a won- der. And T says I belicve you, but I don't believe it would look geod on our ’bus, how about us painting it cafe-o-lay-eh-hoo? with a new khaki top and a nickel-plated spare tire? And Geo. says no, not with this type of body, say, how about a nice bright red, eh? Oh, boy! Then we could put ¥F. D. on the doors and have the right of way through traffic all the time! And I says veh, but how could you explain that to the Fire Department in case they was to object? And Geo. says, well. we could always claim it was our initials but the painter put ‘em on a little large. * ok k¥ 'BLL, I seen where that idea would only be good as long as it lasted, so I suggested yellow. But s, S i =) || w “THE DOOR HANDLE WAS FINISHED AND SO WAS HE.” | Geo. claimed it would be too much like a taxl-cab, and said how about that lovely pea-soup shade of green. And I vetoed that because pea soup is fattening and I am on a diet. So in the end we decided where, after all, on a repaint job, the heat thing woald be a nice dark shade of black. All right, hon, says Geo. you buy the paint tomorrow and we will all get together on Sunday and paint it, that will be a lot of fun, it will be a regular picnic, and now leave us take a look at the brushes. “So he done so and the old clothes brush was full of Paris green that it had got through me continueusly brushing off my Paris green dinner dress, o that was out. Then he went up in the bathreom and looked at his toothbrush but it was kinda wern out, it wasn't good enough to use on the, car, so he hung it up again and says 1o me well, Jennie, 1 guess you better get brushes, too, get a couple, And Junior says Aw Ma, if you're gonner paint the car, get me a brush too, Ma, I wanner help! And I says that's nice, darling, sure you can help a lot, you ean put a leash on the car and hold it, so's it won't run away while we are giving it a new coat of make up! Well, it seems painting the car come to be regarded around our place as a kind of Summer Festival, every- bpdy wanted to get in on it one way of another, the cook claimed she would help, she loved to paint, it would be a lot of fun, she knew a lot about painting on account her brother was a painter and worked regular, painting the town red every Saturday night. Then, the same evening, that Joe Bush of the Hawthorne Club and his wife came ever to call and when we told them how we was goner paint our car, Sunday, and what a lark it was to be, and etc., why the two of them both get real enthusiastic and says where they will come over and help us do a little larking, they thought it would be the greatest fun! So Geo. says the more the merrier, too many eooka can’t spoil the paint- job! And they says ha! ha! and went on home, and the next day I went down to the Emporium, right straight |to the perfumes and make-up dept. and asked the girl for some stuff to rejuvenate a old car, but she sent me over to the hardware dept., which in- formed me my errand was now in the netion dept. on aceount they only sold auto paint when people got a notion. Well anyways, I went on over there, and the man says what kind do you want, do you want something that will dry quickly, er something that | will remain_wet until after the in- stallment collector comes around next time? And I says oh they won't re- move it, it's a old model, T want some- thing that will dry quick, So he says weil, here's something new, Glue-Coe, it hardens immediately, in fact it hard- ens the minute you take the lid off of the ean. Or there is some Kooko- Koloring, but that takes a long time, it takes at least 20 minutes to dry. And I says all right, I guess we can wait 20 minutes, give me that, and he says what colour? And I says klack, and he says so sorry, it onl; comes in baby blue. So I says well, I have an idea, why not use paint? Got any black paint? And he says sure, 80 that was that. Then he says whatter you going to use to remove the old nt? And says T am gonner leave it lay, and he says oh don't do that, the car should be absolutely scraped down to its skin before you put a drop of new paint on it, I'll get you what you need and show you just how to use it, you take a jar of this lemon cleans- ing cream, rub into the pores .thor- oughly, then wipe eclean with a dry cloth. Next apply skin food and our skin tonic. 1f this don't work. apply a small quantity of cuticle-remover, rubbing gently with steel wool, which will bring the blood to the surface. When the paint is entirely removed you will feel much better satisfled, I'm sure, * k¥ ¥ WELL, I thanked him for the facial, and got the steel wool, car-creams and lotions, some slices of sandpaper, freckle-remover for the windshield and etc., and then the salesman says how about your brushes? And I says they are in bad shape, too far gone to sur- vive. T put hair-tonic on both of 'em last night with ne results so far. So he sold me 4 sets of brushes, thin ones, fat ones and medium. ‘Then he wrote out the bill and he pretty near hadder write out a death- certificate for, the same party, when I seen it. Yet still and all, so far, paint- ing the car ourselfs was a economy over the shop job on account the paint remover, paint-applies, and actual col- ours only come to $49.75 instead of fifty dollars. Well naturally T hadder take a taxi home, I couldn't very well carry all that heavy stuff on the street car. But finally I and it both arrove safely, and so did Sunday. Also them Joe Bushes to help. as per schedule. Oh my dear, this is such fun! says Mabel, I'm crazy to commence! Have you any old rags you can loan me to put on, I don't wanner spoil my good dress? So 1 says veh, sure, and give her my rubber kitchen aprop which I had intended using it myself, but I thought oh well, she is company and it is so good of her to help, I'll go without, I'll be careful of my dress, I guess T won't hurt it any if I take good care. Then that Joe Bush took George's other suit qut the closet and yells hey, George, can I put on this old rag to work in? And naturally Geo. didn’t care to admit it was his best clothes on top of a remark like that, so he says, yeh, sure, Joe, help yourself. So then we all went out into the bright sunny morning.and back yard, dealt out the weapons and blithely commenced work, and any person which they have ever tried removing the complexion off of a car with a steel sponge and a piece of fine tooth sandpaper will realize exactly what 1 mean. It certainly was great fun to see the old hide coming off that car, and to feel the old hide coming ditto from our hands. Believe yor me, when we com- menced work, that car was only a small touring affair but before we laid oft it was considerable bigger than the Woolworth Bldg., the way it grew by the hour was a caution. And as for the way it had of concealing dirt behind its fenders, in cracks and bends of its body, well, Hot Bozo! it it hadn't been for the yrs. of experience I have had, Saturdays, with Junior's ears, finger nails and the back of his neck, why that car never would of got cleaned up thorough. . When two fenders was practically ready to be done all over again, Geo. commenced to kinda weaken. 1 dunno but I'll leave her like that, he says, she don't look so awful bad. And 1 says you will do no such thing, Geo., come on, now, see how hard Mabel is working. And so she was—working on the part I had just finished, she would, she's just the type! So. seeing that, why Geo. took a lunge at a rear-wheel with a toothpick, and says huh, we should of painted | them spokes red, how about it, old timer, eh, Joe? But by then Joe was taking a little rest, he had just fin- ished scraping the handle to the front doer, his original job, and had fell un- conscious, underneath the car. The door handle was finished and so was he. * k¥ ¥ WELL, we dragged the body out, and of course Mabel hadder attend to him, so that left only I and George and Junior on the job, and prétty soon I looked around and Junior was up in the nearest tree wasting good paint on a old bird's nest which he claimed needed going over. 8o naturally that left me very indignant, it seemed a shame for them all to go and quit like that, and I wondered what I could do that would help a lot, and at once I thought of fce-water, I would go and fix up a nice pitcher of ice water for George. » And while I was at it T would just wash my halr, and see was the dinner table set properly and was my new hat becoming after all, and several im- portant things like that which really needed attending to, and in the mean while Geo. could keep right on work- ing and T would be back in no time at all, to give him a hand. ‘Well, as far as the no time at all went, I certainly kept my promise on that, on account time didn’t really enter into it. And on giving Geo. a hand on my return, too, I lived up to that. I certainly give him a big hand on what he had got done which was about one 3rd. The front of the car looked like a bad attack of mange, but the extreme rear was all over bright new paint. My, you have done wonderful, dear, 1 says, standing at a safe distance, it looks wonderful, and really, I person- ally myself haven't minded the work so far, at all. Geéo. give me one look. Yeh, he says, I noticed you haven't, this was one swell idea you had, to paint the car, ourselfs, it's gonner be & big economy, Joe has ruined my suit, we are gonner haf to buy them dinner, and what has happened to the small of my back is nobody’s business, no, there don’t seem to be a single ob- Jection about painting your car your- | going to lay a carpet. self. And T says no, dear, there is only the same objection to it that there is to jumping off the roof. Once you actually start doing it, it is practically Impossible to change your mind! (Copyright. 1926.) Consider the Obliging Man and Decide Whether or Not He Should Be Banished BY STEPHEN LEACOCK. HERE is a type of individual who should properly be known as the Obliging Man. It is his speelal mania in life to per- form little services, oh request, for his fellow men. He loves to gi divections and instructions: he likes to be asked by a stranger the way to a particular street; he likes some one to ask him the time; he likes anything in fact, that will let him say “allow me" and ‘‘permit me."” And with it all the Obliging Man, es met with on a train or in a hotel or en the street, is one of the worst nuisances in the civilization of the Twentieth Century. Take as an illustration of this the scene that hnplnnu when you ask the Obliging Man, let us say, in the smok- ing end of a Pullman car if he can tell you the time. The dialogue runs like this— “Could you tell me the right time, please?” The Obliging Man takes out his watch and looks at it. ‘'What he enght to say is “About eleven o'eiock."” Then he would receive the anawer “Thank you,” and the episode would he at an end. But the phrase, “the right ‘time, misled him. He thinks you mean the time to a hair, to a fraction of a second, the kind of time that an astronomer would use for measuring the flight of a comet. So he says: “My watch is eleven-three, I think it may be a little slow.” ‘Oh, thank you.” T think {t's more likely about eleven-five. T think Y was about tve minutes slow last night. ‘Thank you. “But my watch may have been gaining @ little since then. It often ses. It might be only eleven-four.” "Thank you." “I noticed by the clock in the sta- tion that it was ten-thirty when I was twenty-nine. So that would make ,:uvm;two right now.” ¥ station clock was two minutes out, 1t so, that would make it eleven-one.” After which the Obliging Man burbles away to himself all the way from eleven-one to eleveniten and back again, There is no remedy except to get into another train and go somewhere else. And the extra fare ia cheap at the price. A still mere dangerous act {a to ask the Obliging Man anything about a train. The Obliging Man always fan- cies himself a time-table expert. He earrles railroad folders in all his pock- ets and more In his valise and he is prepared to hand out infermation that reaches all the way from the top cor- ner of Neva Secotia to the hind end of Lower California. Suppose by accident you say to him, “Deo you happen to know if there's a evening train fram Buffalo to Mon- treal?” If the Obliging Man told the truth he weuld say, “No, I den't know. I have never known, You might write to the Buffalo Chamber of Commerce.” But hé can't bear to do this, The temptation to be an expert is too great. So he begins pulling time tables out of his pocket. “Buffale to Montreal,” he murmurs, “let—me—see. Yes, here we are— 8:10—8:40—9:30—no, wait a bit, that’s Buffalo to Chicago. What you want is Buffalo te Montreal, eh?" . ‘'Yes, but it doesn't really matter." “Oh, it's all right. TI'll get it in a minute. Let me see—Buffalo to To- ledo—hum!—that wouldn’t be it—Buf- falo _to Torento—hum—Buffalo and the West, What you want is Buffale to Montreal, eh?" 'Yes, but please don't trouble—-"" “Oh, not at all. It's no trouble. Buffalo to Montreal—ah, here we are —no, wait a minute—this is the wrong folder. What we waiit is the D. & F.” 'Oh, please don't treuble." “Not at all. Now then. Here we Montreal, Mont-real. Yes. Here Montreal, New York, Montreal, vhat you want is Buffalo to e got it right here. Leave Montreal .m., arrive Bing. hamton 3 a.m.—no, that't not it, You don;! want to go to Binghamton, do you?" And here of course, is the chance to end the dialogue, You have only to say, “Well, now that I think of it, I believe I'd just as soon go to Bing- hamton.” H ‘Right,” says the Obliging Man, you get off this train at midnight at Syracuse, change at Auburn at 1:30 p.m. Sunday enly (you wait till Sun- day), and arrive at Binghamton at 3:30 a.m. At least it says ‘Leave Binghamton,’ but 1 guess that's a mi take, it must mean ‘arrive.’ ) that's it, You get out at midnight. s once again, it is per and easier to do the worat case of ail that happens when you Odd Questions Get Prompt Answers - When Submitted to The Perfect Fool BY ED W EAR MR. WY/ A crowd of us boys were talking about the Sesquicentennial in Phil- adelphla and we got into an g argument about the Decla- ration of Independence. One fellow sald it was signed in Boston, another fellow said it was signed in Rich- mond, Va., and 1 say it was signed in Washington, D. C. To settle the ar- gument, we decided to leave it to you. Will you please be kind enough to tell us where the Declaration of Inde- pendence was signed” Yours truly, R. U. GOIN Answer—That question has been asked a thousand times, so to settle it for all time to come I'll tell you. The Declaration of Independence was signed on the bottom. Dear Mr. Wynn pened to be on the F as 1 passed two men I heard one man say in a loud voice, “I'm a brick.” In an instant the other chap punched him in the jaw _and laid him flat on the sidewalk. How do you account | for that? Sincerely, | U. WOOD RUNTOO. Answer—One man_ said he was a | brick, and the other fellow must have been a bricklaye Dear Mr. Wynn: This afternoon, as 1 was looking out my back win dow 1 saw an old hen of mine eating a lot of tacks. What did she do that for, and what shall T do about it? Yours truly, CHICK N. FEED. do anything about Maybe she is Yesterday T hap- cast Side, and just Answer—Don't it. Just watch her. Dear Mr. Wynn 1 go with some boys and we are all around 12 years old, The other day we found a full pack of cigarettes and we all smoked. While we were smoking a minister came over to us and asked us if we knew where little boys who smoked cigarettes go to, and we all said no.' “WHEN LITTLE BOYS SMOKE THEY GO UP AN ALLEY." not tell us, but he said if we wrote to you that you would know. Will you please tell us where little boys go “THE OTHER FELLOW MUST HAVE BEEN A BRICKLAYER.” | He said he was a minister, so could | when they smoke? Sincerely, I. N. HALE. Answer—When little boys smoke they go up an alley. Dear Mr. Wynn: My wife is a good ook, but she can’t make ples, and I love ples. What can she do to learn to make a good pie. Sincerely, LEM N. CUSTARD. Answer—Have her go to som school and take up a course in “pyrog- raphy.” Dear Mr. Wynn: My uncle says you can carry water lnl; sieve. Isn't that silly? Yours truly, . AL G. BRAH. Answer—Not so silly. Your uncle is right. You can carry water in a sleve by waiting till the water freezes. Dear Mr. Wynn: I just can’t seem to make head nor tail out of these things they call thermometers. Can you explain them to me? Yours truly, POLA REGIONS. Answer—They are very simple to understand. When the weather gets very cold the mercury cuddles all together in the bottom to keep warm. Dear Mr. Wynn: I have a friend employed as a “taster” in a “Gordon gin"” factory near Canarsie, N. Y. He has heart trouble, and our mutual acquaintances always refer to him as having one foot in the grave. What do you think about it? Truly yours, ANN XIOUS. Answer—I think he has his other foot on a banana peel. Dear Mr. Wynn: Do cows go to Heaven, or is all milk just plain canned milk up there” Yours truly, A. C. KRIT. Answer next week. THE PERFECT FOOL. (Copyrisbt, 1926.) Try Reducing Pills. Angry girl, to druggist—This van ishing cream is a fake. Druggist—How come? Furious female—I've used it on my nose every night for two weeks and it's just as long as it ever was! ————e b g -, Baby's Complexion. “Madam, what is the complexion of your new baby, dark or fair?" “To tell you the truth, he is a little yeller."” Lardner, as College Foot Ball Player, Introduced Some Startling Methods BY RING LARDNER. CHAPTER FOUR. i LONE in Seattle at the age of | six, broke, and indebted to the hotel in the amount of $2 for board d reom. How many kids would have faced a situation like this with nimity! But I never lost confidence that I would find a way out. I forget just now what T did do; suffice it to say that inside of seven 3 1 was in San Frang . playing a cornet, evenings, at Tait’s on the beach, and in the da time working in the park as a squirrel- tender. In those days there were no benches in the parks and a squirrel- tender's job was to keep the squirrels are rash enough to ask the Obliging Man to let you have a match. I had an instance of that the other evening when I was walting at the corner of the street for my car (my private car No. 1478, up Guy street to the boule- vard). I had a cigar that I wanted to light, but no match. At that moment a respectable citi- zen drew near. Had I looked closely I would have recognized in him the Obliging Man. But without looking I said: “Excuse me, sir, but could you let me have a match?" ‘A match?" he said, ‘“why, certain- 1 Then he unbuttoned his coat and put his hand in the pocket of his walstcoat, “I know I have one,” he went on, “and I'd almost swear it's in the bottom pocket—or, hold on, though, T guéss it may be in the top —just wait till I put these parcels 0 | hustlin out of the trees so the people would hove some place to sit. Inasmuch as there were 186 squirrels in this par- ticular park and I had only one assist- ay imagine that I was kept squirrels get mighty tired of staving on the greund and would em- ploy every imaginable subterfuge in their efforts to climb the tempting trees with which the park was plenti- fully supplled. Outwitting them and keeping them on terra firma developed both my brains and speed and ten ears I length of the field won Yale a cham- pionship game, 4 to 2, an Associated Press commentator said “Harvard was beaten in the parks of San Francisco. In the fall of this year an 8. O. 8. was broadcast from Chicago—that g gantuan metropolis was in flames a result of a cow named O'Leary drop- ping a lighted cigarette in a roll of films. (Editor's note: This must be a mis- take. Mr. Lardner is writing about the year 1898; the Chicago fire oo~ curred in 1871.) (Author’s note: There is a consider able difference of time between Chi- cago and San Franaisco.) Ivery city of importance sent a vol- unteer fire company to the rescue, The company organized in S8an Fran. cisco was composed of myself and Bill Lange, later to become famous as a ball player and dancing instructor. This, of course, was before horses or camels were thought of and Bill and I had to drag our hose cart east afoot. Bill ‘'was very little help, and by the time we reached our destination the fire was out and I was sixteen year of age. It was now time to think of college. down on the sidewalk.” “Oh, don't trouble,” T said, “it's really of no censequence.” “Oh, it's no trouble, I'll have it in a minute. I know there must be one in here somewhere'—he was digging his fingers into his pockets as he spoke—'but you see this isn't the waisteoat T generally . . ." 1 saw the man was getting excited abeut it. “Well, never mind.” T pro- tested; “if that isn't the waistcoat that you generally—why, it doesn't mat- ter. Hold on, now, hold on!" the man said, “I've got one of the cursed things in here somewhere. I guess it must be in with my watch. No, it's not there, either. Wait till I try my coat. If that confounded tailor only knew unoufh to make a pocket so that a man could get at it!" He was getting pretty well worked- up now. He had thrown down his walking stick and was plunging at his pockets with his teeth set. “It's that cursed young boy of mine,” he hissed; “this comes of his fooling in my pockets. By Gad! perhaps I won't warm him up when I get home. Say I'1l bet that it's in my hip pocket. You just hold up the tail of my overcoat a second till I . . .M “Ne, no,” I protested again, “‘please don’t take all this trouble, it really doesn't matter. I'm sure you needn't take "off -your overcoat, and oh, pray don’t throw away your letters and things in the street like that, and tear out your pockets by the roets! Please, please don't trample over your avercoat and put your feet through ‘the parcels. I do hate to hear you swearing at your little boy, with that peeculiar whine in your voiee. Don’t— please don't tear your clothes so sav: agely." Suddenly the man gave a grunt of exultation, and drew his hand up from inside the lining of his coat. “I've got it,” he cried. “Here you are”’ Then he brought it out under the light, It was a toothpick. The car for which I was waiting came along at that moment. I rather think that it ran over the Obll[lui Man, but T am not sure that 1 p i 0 "Copyrizht. 1026.) X Stories of my all-around athletic prow- ess had appeared in all the papers and 1 received tempting offers from vir- tually every university of standing. I “IN THOSE DARK DA “TULANE WAS ANXIOUS TO LAND A GOOD PITCHER WHO COULD ALSO POLE VAULT.” thought first of entering the Harvard THERE Law School. (Editor's note: It would have been tmj ible for Mr. Lardner at his age and with his credits, or lack of credits, to enter the Harvard-Law Schogl.) (Author's note: That's why I thought of it first.) Finally I decided to divide up my first year to the best advantage, going in the fall to-Mjehigan, which needed a half back with a sextuple threat, spending the Winter at Ambherst, NO BENCHES IN THE WERE EREI AR TRR where a high-class basket ball guard was wanted, and winding up in the spring at Tulane, which was anxlous to land a good pitcher who could also pole vault, hurdle, throw the javelin and run as anchor man in the relay With a schedule thus outlined T had leisure to write and enjoy myself in a soclal way during the Summer months. (Editor's note: Mr. Lardner, asked to explain the meaning of sextuple threat as applied to a half back, said it meant a half back who eould not only kick, pass and run forwards, but also run backwards, act as field judge and announce the results of out-of-town, games. He said that in all football history there had been only four really great sextuple threaters—himself, Ma- rilyn Miller and the Mayo Brothers.) At this time Ada Rehan, the actress, was collecting autographs and pictur of taxicab drivers. There was a law in New York that every driver must have his picture pasted on his license card. As I was not driving a taxi and had never been to New York, she asked me to write a verse in her book. This was at a party she gave in Chicago and everybody was dying of thirst, so I wyote: Water, water, everywhere. Enjoying it, you think, With water, water, everywhere Anad nothing else to drink? Alone, alone, all, all alone, Alone on a wide, wide sea, And I would that my tongue could utter The thoughts that arise in me. Miss Rehan was very much pleased and made the suggestion that we go home as she had a matinee the follow- ing day. She was then playing in “Stop! Look! Listen! It was now that the Spanish war broke out and I enlisted as a general. (To be continued.) Women’s Shoes Larger. THE average size of women's sho has Increased from 4% to 614 in the last six years, according to a re- port reeently made to the National 8hoe Retallers' Association, says Pop- ular Mechani Changes in style and the participation of women in ath- letics are believed largely responsible for this development. It was also declared that women's ankles have grown half an inch thick- er as a result of wearing low-heeled {oxfords. Style experts are speculat- ing as to just how far this tendency will go and when the trend will start the other way, back to smaller shoes. They point eut that foot fashions, like others, have undergone numer- ous cyel There was a square-toe vogue in England at one time, until Queen Mary (1516-1558) issued a proc- lamation forbidding widths greater than 6 inches. High heels came to America before 1790, but suddenly went out because of a Paris edict then returned in 1853. latter part of the seventeenth century in Venice it became the custom for ingly high shoes, et A The height of the footwear { social prestige, paiedac R — Domestic Electriclans. HOW many housewives know how to fix the doorbell when it fails to ring? How many can repair elec trieal trouble with a vacuum eleaner or an iron? Not very many, San Diego, Cal., has decided. The publie schools there have included in the . curriculum a course that ean best he ibed u'dmn;:uch e'l‘e‘etrhl‘l.yc.' The are ta andy el rieal l‘if sorts, from ¥ of short eircuits to nd wiring a desk lamp.