Evening Star Newspaper, March 30, 1930, Page 90

e THE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTON, D. C, MARCH 30, 1930. Do People Change AFTER MARRIAGE? Dr. Alfred Adler, Vienna Psychologist Famed for His Study of the Inferiority Complex, Here Answers the Question and Indorses the 1dea of Clinics to Solve the Problem of Husbands and Wives Who Find Their Mates Revealing New Traits of Character After the Honeymoon Ends. DPuring eourtship young people see each other only under the mest faverable eir- eumstances. BY CAROL BYRD. ried,” or “Leuise is a different girl since she ing people’s friends. What is the strange chemistry of marriage that enables it to transmute the base metal of a character into gold, or vice versa, after the matrimonal bonds are forged? Dr. Alfred Adler, famous Viennese psychele~ gist, professor of psychology at the Institute of Vienna, founder of Individual Psychology, and of Vanderbilt Clinic, Columbia University, New York City, solves, or, rather, dissolves this curi- ous problem by declaring that people deo net change after marriage. The noted psychologist, who traced the im- feriority complex to its lair, argues that while men and women do net change after marriage, their environment does, and that it is their re- actioh to their changed surroundings which gives the illusion of change in character or per- ,” says Dr. Ad- associate under for romance. The young man puts his best feot forward. Seo dees the girl. “When the suitor calls on a young ents, brothers and sisters must mean that his beloved is an angelic creature, thinks the young turn, shows her great deferenec and attention. “If the young man lives alone, in bachelor quarters, the machinrey of his menage runs . He likes his work, his sweetheart, his way of iiving. Se he is usually in a happy. baoyant mood when the young girl sees him. “How is she to know that, in a home of his own, he will miss his smoothly running bachelor ? Or, if he lived at home, that he look back wistfully to the time when his er and sisters pampered and speiled him? “Mm te the girl he once thought an angel, & rude awakening awaits him, nags him occasionally, is sometimes jealous and suspicious of him. “He, im turm, grows surly, perhaps, or turns his attention to other women. His wife cannet understand this apparent Jekyll-Hyde change. She feels cheated. What has happened to the young man whe sent her flowers and candy when he was wooing her? Why has he changed from an adoring swain to a churlish husband? ——and the husband turns his attention oufh ‘SekeR thathedi. o Marrid...T&c.ac.'&fnep'flappearsam'acn,dwadorin‘minbe- husband. eomes a churlish “TWO circumstances exist which will aggra- vate matters and hasten the domestic debacle. If either husband or wife, or still worse, if both husband and wife, have been pampered children, there is bound to be marital friction. “Each mate, in this ease, will expect to be coddled by the other. Neither wants to play the time, while the husband accuses the wife of being cold and unsympathetic if she does not become a satellite. “This accounts fer husbands’ often-heard re- mark: ‘My wife does net understand me,’ usually addressed to another woman who ne believes does understand him. “HM either husband or wife assumes superiority and attempts to impese his or her will upon the other, marital storms are sure Yo follow. In marriage there can be no conqueror or con- quered. Husband and wife must regard each other as equals. There must exist equality and teamweork. “Beeause a man was a little monarch when a lad, ordering his family around, and subduing his playmates, he goes on through life and into marriage expecting to do the same thing. When he is frustrated by a mate who refuses to e dominated the trouble starts. “And because a woman was a spoiled dar- ling when she was a littie girl, reigning like a queen with subjects bending the knee before her, she is bitterly disappointed when, after marriage, she finds that her husband has no intention of catering te her every whim, as, “W is small wonder that the people who knew the amiable girl in her mother’s house, or the good-natured man in his father’s home, observing their conduet in their own domieile, says: “‘William has changed terribly since his marriage,” or ‘Alice isn't the same girl since she married William.’ “If seme wizard could wave a magic wand and permit an engaged couple to see each other’s youthful double, much domestic in- felicity could be avoided. If, by some strange sorcery, a fiancee could see her adult suitor when he was a little boy, and a fiance could vision his cherished one as she was when a small girl, it is quite possible that there would be a different outcome to their marriage— or, perhaps, no marriage at all. “People do not change '‘overnight. = There. is no black magic in marriage which makes a fine and amiable girl turn shrew after her wedding day, or an unselfish, sympathetic man become a brute after he has placed a wedding ring on his chosen one’s finger. That churlish, bossy little boy is almost certain to be a tyrant in marriage, and that whining, helpless little girl to fail in her marital duties. “Preparation for marriage begins in child- hood. Little boys and girls must be taught to consider the feelings of others, to help others. They must not be permitted to believe that the werld revolves around them and their petty little desires. “They must learn that they are but umits in the scheme of things. Thus they will not disillusionment. $JT does not require the insight of a psyehol- ogist to know that the unsecial person will not make a good mate. The man cr woman who has not learned in the years before marriage to be a good ecompanien, asseciate, friend, is not likely teo develop into an extremely desirable husband or wife. The solitary, the recluse, the selfish, self-centered type of man or weman may well be avoided. “Adults who are much pampered in thele. family circles, or ones who are extremely ege- tistical, or who have a tyrannical nature, wil¥ not prove prizes in the marriage draw. “Supersensitive people, those who are vain and stubbern and unyielding, are pretty certaim not to develop into enviable mates. “When a girl is Jooking over the matrimoniak possibilities in her immediate set, it is well for her to focus her attention on the socially ad- justed youth. The young man who draws to himself many friends must have desirable character qualities. The fact that he can get along with many different people means he has learned the secret of comradeship. The gir? whe is surrounded by many friends, whe is sough$ out and liked by both men and women, has alse learned the secret of getting along amieably with others. . “Sotththu;mmanwhohuh well liked before marriage, who has made many friends, and who is held in esteem by others, eannot change overnight after mar riage. It is ineonceivable that the man whe knows how to deal with men and women be= fore marriage should not understand the one girl he happens to love above all others. “Jealousy is the cause of much demestic trou- ble. But the green-eyed monster dees not leons up without first having east its shadow. Exces~ sive jealousy usually masks a feeling of imferi= ority. This sense of inferiority reveals itself before just as well as after marriage. If a gisd has a jealous strain, it is going to shew up be= fore she marries. She will be suspicious of every other girl whe crosses the path of her affianced. She will reveal her jealousy in many ways. “There are those who delude themselves into thinking that jealousy is the mark of a great and passionate love. “But the little storms of jealousy before mar= Continued on Sizteenth Page The trouble is that the wife could nos know that her husband had been & churs lish boy and naturally developed inte ® brute husband.