Evening Star Newspaper, July 19, 1925, Page 63

" A WILCOX PUTNAM. S Gen. Custer, the that famous story, “‘My Stand,” was frequently heard to sa There is man good saiesman never hoists mainsail.” And how true that is, pointing out to George, that's my hus band. when we got talking the other might of of the day about the farm we bought from that Joe Bush Hawthorne Club only for him over deing the salesmanship. It seems this place was a deserted arm Joe had found and taken under his wing, and in order to cheer it up ind make it feel less deserted, why he 1ad decided he would get somebody to live in it. And it happened about Geo. got a bug he wanted to go back on the land, little realizing that more often than not the land goes back on the feller who tries farming, espe- cially when he has never farmed any- thing before, excepting maybe a few contracts from a office, the same as my better % had been doing for yrs. Well, ever since our Mr. Coolidge, he one which is now Pres. of the U A., give farms such a good name going out to his pop’s place, where he ing hay, and, as is usual with him, saving nothing, but sawing wood, seorge had been talking about giving up this terrible city life and getting back to the wide open barn door: where men are men and pigs is pi nd ete. He was forever jawing about setting out from under the city's ammels, although just what those are {s more than 1 can tell you. So when that Joe Bush brought up the subject & lease of the farm, why George at once exercised his fountain pen and we was committed to go there th a option to buy. 80 1 packed up our trunk with over ails, large straw hats, a few pitch forka hoes, hose, and other garden mplements of torture for use by I nd Geo. and Junior, just in case we isn't able to get them things out in the country where I hafl heard the &hofs wasn't so good if an T next added a few tubes ste, some lump sugar ome'made wine old Gen. Bluster had give us. He had made it himself, and I took it along in case we was to e some potato-bugs, mosquitos or ther pests out there that needed to be killed off. Well, anyways, I closed up our bun- galow, shutting off the gas, the elec- tricity, the telephone and myself from &£ll these symbols of civilization, and we took a train to Bumpy Corners, where amidst the shade of the old apple-trees, if the worms had left any, we expected to live the simple life. * x % % WELL, simple turned out to be cor rect. Atleast we was simple when we got there, not to say idiotic. Of eourse we was all prepared to do our own work, and when we arrove, and the old plow-horse power flivver that had brought us up from the Deepot, find- ing its way practically without guid- ance over the beautiful country roads with their soft covering of dust, which the coming Winter would be knee high to an ostrich in rich mud, well when said jitney, as I was telling, had left us on the doorstep and turned back towards the Center, its hood drooping sadly with fatigue, why I nd George and Junior stood in a row on the porch and drew a deep breath of fine country air, just like we some- times do to the phonograph mornings when we remember to do our daily dozen. Then we surveyed the prospect be- fore us, and it certainly looked as good as a prospect that walks into a fnsurance office in full health and ask» 1o be measured for a $5,000.00 policy. Ah, says Geo., this is the life. And he says it with the assurance which only comes of never having tried to do a thing betore. Well, the yard was full of beautiful fong hay that was badly in need of bobbing, a shingle bob by preference. Also the weed crop on the front path was considerable heavier than we wi likely to need with our small family. And somehow or another our far sneadows was not filled with neat rows «f growing corn, canned beans, flower Ing potatoes, or any of them nice eountry things, like T had sort of un consciously expected. But the mea- dows lay there basking in the hot sun- light all ready and waiting to be man- fcured by George. And any- uthor of Last the| . as 1 yas that time has always pitched right in pitch- | Hasn't Been Deserted Enough. T | Finally Come to Decision That Maybe Deserted Old Place | | | iy KLMI.\E}' ED \!E OF THE PRESIDENT'S HOME WORK—IT WAS SO DIFFERENT.” i | body which ‘had a healthy imagina tion or who had been to the movies or owned one of them famous pictures | of the French peasants (or pheasants | which ever is correct), I mean the | folks in their wooden shoes that are | pausing from their comparatively hon- st toil, could get an idea of how good them fields was gonner be when com- pleted. I got an awful big kick out of it, but nothing compared to the kick I was doomed to put up lates. In fact, that was all I did put up that season in spite of the fact I had counted on |a few doz. jars of tomatoes, pickled peaches and’ etc. Well anyway, Hot Bozo, George, this is great, I says. What we ought to get now is a flock of cows, a chicken for the eggs, and a side of bacon on the hoof. I do like a few pets around a farm. they give it atmosphere, and Geo. says yeh, espe- clally the pigs. This was a real farm house, see, with lots of space inside and no silly | conveniences to spoil it. It was bullt | for the good old type of lady, built | | } 1 says to by her men folks, to keep her busy. Woman's place was sure in the home in them old days, on account as soon as she got the last room put in order. it was time to commence cleaning the first room again. he water for_this house come from @ picturesque old pump on the back porch, and I guess the former owners must of been fond of music, on ac- count this pump had a lovely alto voice, once it got its throat cleared and was started good. I used to go out and make it perform three times a day for dishes. PR | A for George and the he: stuff ) outside, it sure v a delight to watch him at it, on account for the | first time in years I actually seen him at work. Before I had only heard him complain about work when he come home from the office, nights. For a sample, the way he handled a scythe was remarkable, if any lady had been willing to make the neces- sary kind of remark. To see him swing it reminded me of the Presi- dent’s home work, it was so different. Of course the Pres. had a lot of press cameras on him at the time he was doing that, and maybe George's stuff would of improved if he had had jthe same. You know how a person iusl:alh’ does a thing well if they are obliged to do it in public. But with mowing, Cal had it on Geo. the same | as in many other respects. " |71 guess the principal troubls' was Geo. would of preferred to use his ex- ecutive ability on that hay. Anyways, he did more mooning than mowing, for every little while he would lay off the job in order to explain to me just how it ought to be done. By the time he actually got the front yard fin- ! ished he was pretty near finished also, rough, country beauty. It looked like a cow with no direct purpose in life |had taken large bites out of it here and there. I never will forget the day, though, when Geo. brought in the first crop that he had planted. It was 4 radish. It was a real nice radish, even if it did glve the appearance of having dieted. But Geo. sald it hadn’t done so on account he had certainly made the ground rich enough for any vegetable. But he admitted he must of planted the seeds a little too close together so there wasn’t much room to grow. And I asked him did he think that was the reason the average crop of sardines was so narrow? So he sa: | for the luvva tripe, cut that stuff ou! can’'t you show a little appreciative- ness after I have sweat and toiled to wring a living from the sofl? And I says I'm commencing to wish you would ring one from your office by telephone, so far as I can see that fruit has cost us exactly twelve dollars and ninety-eight cents, which is an- other respect in which you don't re- semble Mr. Coolidge, on account he is nothing if not economical. If you { think it's economy to raise radishes at that price when anybody else can buy ‘em in the store for five cents a bunch, your thinker isn’t working, it's full of static. And George says, Aw shucks, I swan, just to show me he was a real hick, see. Then he went to curry the horse. . * ok Kk x E had several animals by this time, fncluding a one-horse-pow- er horse. And Geo. had read in a book some place that a horse had ought to | be curried every day. So he got some jcurry powder and rubbed it on hfm until the barns smelled more like a | East Indian restaurant than a stable. | I only wondered Geo. didn’t feed the brute rice instead of oats to go with it It was certainly lovely to have all them farm animals, and if only they could of been trained to feed their own selves and keep their rooms tidy they would of been practically no trouble at all. Maybe our mistake was we bought them off a farm near- by where they had been given no home training at all. Next time we will know better, and get them off a circus where they have been taught a few tricks and seen something of the world. Talk about dumb animals, though, and the pleasure you get out of them, let me say this don't apply to hus- bands. After Geo. had fed a barrel of | beans to our pig, hoping this way to raise our own pork and beans at one stroke; refused to let the cow drink water on account he had heard wa- |tered milk was a dishonest farmer's trick, and postponed plowing the mea- tried it he plowed up his foot instead, dows on account the first time he) and the lawn hadn't lost none of its| I commenced to wonder was being back on the farm ideal or a bum deal. And then when Junior went fishing in the old pond and the flsh pretty near caught him before I did, well, I begun to remember the cramped and narrow life I had led back home in our narrow bungalow, with all the weak- ening conveniences such as electric dishwashers, lots of cheerful neigh- bors passing along the street, vacuum cleaners and equally vacuum lady friends and other points of modern life, and I made up our minds it was really our duty to go on back there and try to stand it. So one evening, sitting beside our sweet old-fashioned kerosene lamp, while Geo. I expect with the idea in his mind that he was now the family goat, was eagerly devouring a week- old Suuday newspaper from the big city. I spoke up and told him where I thought maybe this deserted farm hadn’'t been thoroughly deserted enough yet, we better try our hand at it. * ELL, Geo. didn't answer anything much to that at first. Maybe he hated to think of giving up the dear old place. Or of not giving it up. Or something. Anyway, he only rustled his paper, stalling for time, and then he says Uhuh, well, perhaps you are right. Say, Jennie, see here in the papers where a prophet out in Ari- zona has prophesised that this vear is gonner have the hottest summer and the coolest President that the na- tion has ever known. Say, I certainly do admire that man Coolidge. T'd wisht to be just like him if T was him, see? He's the coolest man! Yeh, I says. he certainly cuts quite some ice in the country. But even he don't stay on the farm all the time, Geo., I was mentioning that we might also leave. He will, he's got other business to attend to. I mean his real job. Well, says George, to tell the right truth, T got a letter from Joe Bush today and he is trying to force me into buying this farm. so I was think- ing of leaving even before you men- tioned it. If he had only kept still and not pushed me too hard, T might of bought it, but I won't be forced, es- pecially on Sunday. Well, I says, I suppose he thought the better the day, the better the deed. But don't you feel bad or make an: excuses about us leaving, dear, every body can’t make good on ® farm an; more then they could in the White House, which is probably why we only have one President at a time. For if nine-tenths of the men in America could make as good as Cal, the His- torical Club wouldn't be refurnishing the White House, they would be build- ing a 20 story wing onto it to ac- commorate the crowd! (Copyright, 1825.) New and Applied Theory of Evolution Fails to Maintain Interest of Crowd BY RING LARDNER. O THE EDITOR night a few of us wi the evolution ase down in sunny Tennessee, and some of us was on Darwin's side and bthers on Bryan's side, and the affair ad all but reached a deadlock when Pr. Harry Wallem who nobody had noticed was in the party up to that time but who nevertheless is a noted xcientist spoke up and advanced a new theory. I cannot remember his words verbatim, but will try and re- port the conversation as near as pos- sible on acct. of it being so interest- tng that before we was half through the majority of the party had went home to bed. We are mnot all monkeys.” said Dr. Wallem in so many words, “because it is apparent ihat a great many of us is descended from other anima ¥ He pointed straight at me irregard- tess of manners. “I am confident.” he said. are descended from a leopard beca Sou have got so many spots on sult.” At this point the laughter was gen- The other s disgusting descended from The Dr. went on to say that he hought Mr. O. O. McIntyre who is one of the swellest dressers in N. Y. was descended from elephant. Knowing Mr. McIntyre as I do I could not refrain from coming to his de- fense and asking Wallem why he snade such a remark. He replied his thesis was based on the fact that Mr. McIntyre cannot even move “HE PO!NTEI:"_STR\ICHT AT “that you | “EVERYBODY ELSE HAD WENT HOME.” across the street without a trunk. At this point the laughter was not quite so_general. Dr. Wallem then made the remark that he was absolutely confident that Gerald Chapman’s ancestors were zebras. “How do you reach that conclu- sfon?” I asked the doc. “Well,” he said, “he only seems to be at home wearing stripes.” For a few moments they was a com- plete quietus in what I lovingly refer to as our house. At this time two or three of the guests were well on their way to slumber land. They all looked like they had not got their allotted eight hours for several years. Dr. Wallem himself seemed as if he was in another world. But we was all disappeinted, fur preity scouva le » woke up and made the remsrk that he had been over in France, or the other side as I call it, and seen hun- dreds of men that was descended from frogs. Most of them was amphiBous he said which mean that you can throw right or left handed. ‘Now let me continue uninterrupt- * sald the doctor. » “I will pass over that remark,” I sald, “if you will tell us anything worth hearing.” 'Now,” saild the doctor, let us get right down to cases. To prove my point, I will tell you a whole lot of individual cases. For inst. they's the case of the dairyman who must be descended from a cow, because wile a cow gives milk, this man has came | up =0 far that he sells it.” v on,” said the only ed, remaining t person in the party, who by this time was very sleepy himself. “Well,” said Dr. Wallem, “I don't want to bore you long or keep you long, but here is my theory about certain other people who may be more or less famous. We will take for example Mr. . Wynn who is always laughing and it is my con- tention that he is descended from a hyena. Or we will take Mr. Babe Ruth, descended from a bat. Or we will take Mr. Gene Buck who has always been a lamb. And I know lots of people who are elks, eagles, owls, lions and etc., and always look like them.” At this point they was quiet laugher on the part of the host and nobody else was left in what I jok- ingly refer to as the shack so I got up and said to Dr. Wallem, “Would vou mind spending the rest of the night in your own domicile?"” He turned around to me and said in a quiet voice as he was passing out: “You also know that they's a lot of gals who are perfect deers.” I asked him who, but by this time the bird had flown. Next week I will give you a ex- hibition of a person not quite so tedious as Dr. Wallem. t Abnormal. € ILDREN may suck their thumbs as long as they like "avllhou'_ being accused of abnormal- ty.” This was the answer given by Dr. Norman Haire, London specialist, to Dr. H. C. Cameron’s assertion before the American doctors that ‘‘children addicted to thumb-sucking or to head- banging should be ordered to suck their thumbs or bang their heads three times a day as a matter of routine.” “If a child sucks its thumb or bangs its head, let it go on doing it,” said Dr. Haire. “It is mot an abnormal symptom if the child is known to be generally healthy. Harmless habits should be left alone. “If the child refuses its food the best plan is to take it away and give the child nothing else until the next meal, when it will be hungry and not 80 fastidious. “Excessive mothering is very harm- ful. The mother tries to shield her child as long as possible without rea- lizing that she ig storing up a little hell for its early school days. “‘Children should not be given a negative or positive order without the parent giving the reason why. The child should be encouraged to ask why should or should not-do a i We Follow in the BY STEPHEN LEACOCK. HERE was no fault to be found with Mr. Yarner till he made his trip around the world. It was that, I think, which tilted his brain and unfitted him for membership in the club. “Well,” he would say, as he sat ponderously down with the air of a man opening an interesting conversa- tion, “I was just figuring it out that 11 months ago today I was in Peking. “That's odd,” I said. “I was just reckoning that eleven days ago I was in Poughkeepsie.” “They don't call it Peking over there,” he said. “It's sounded Pel- Change.” “I know,” 1 sald. with Poughkeepsie; it P'Kipsie.” he Chinese,” he went on musing- ly, “are a strange people.” So are the péople in P'Kipste,” I added, “awfully strange.” That kind of retort would some. times stop him, but he was especlally dangerous if he was found with a newspaper in his hand. That meant that some item of foreign intelligence had gone to_ his head. Not that I should have objected to Yarner describing his travels. Any man who has bought a ticket round the world and pald for it is entitled to that. But it was his manner of discus- sion that I considered unpermissible. Last week, for example, in an un- guarded moment I fell a victim. I had been guilty of the fmprudence— I forget in what connection—of speak- ing of lions. I realized at once that I had done wrong. Lions, giraffes, elephants, rickshaws and natives of all brands are topics to shun In talk- ing with a traveler. “Speaking of lions,” began Yarner. He was right, of course; I had spoken of lons. “I shall never forget,” he went on (of course, I knew he never would), “a rather bad scrape I got into in the up-country of Uganda. Imagine yourself in a wild, rolling country cov- ered here and there with kwas along the sides of the nullahs.” I did so. “Well,” continued Yarner, “we were sitting in our tent one hot night— too hot to sleep—when all at_once we heard, not 10 feet in front of us, the most terrific roar that ever came from the throat of a lion.” As he sald this, Yarner paused to take a gulp of bubbling whisky and soda, and looked at me so feroclously that I actually shivered. Then quite suddenly his manner cooled down in the strangest way and his voice changed to a commogplace tone as he said: “Perhaps I ought to explain that “It's the same they pronounce Flitful Footsteps of Mr. Yarner as He Backs His Way All Around the World. we hadn't come up to the up-country looking for big game. In fact, we had been down in the down-country with no idea of going higher than Mombasa. “Indeed,’ our going even to Mom- basa itself was more or less an after- thought. Our first plan was to strike across from Aden to Singapore. But our second plan was to strike direct from Colombo to Karachi—-" “And what was your third plan?” I asked. “Our third plan,” sald Yarner de- liberately, feeling that th® talk was now getting really interesting, “let me see, our third plan Was to cut across from Socotra to Tananarivo.” “Oh, yes,” I said. “However, all that was changed, and changed under the strangest cir- cumstances. We were sitting, Gallon nd I, on the plazza of the Galle Face Hotel in Colombo—you know the Galle Face?” “THE MOST AWFUL HISS I HAVE HEARD PROCEED FROM THE MOUTH OF ANY LIVING SNAKE.” No, T do not,” I sald very posi- tively. “Very good. Well, I was sitting on the piazza watching a snake charmer who was seated, with a boa, immedi- ately in front of me. Poor Gallon was actually’ within two feet of the hideous reptile. All of a sudden the beast whirled itself into a coil, its i iy i !“'v',u‘l l fli “NOT TEN FEET IN FRONT OF ], { US, THE MOST TERRIFIC ROAR THAT EVER CAME FROM THE THROAT OF A LION.” eyes fastened with horrid malignity on poor Gallon, and with its head erect it emitted the most awful hiss I have heard proceed from the mouth of any living snake.” Here Yarner paused and took a long, hissing drink of whisky and soda, and then, as.the malignity died out of his face, he went on very quiet ly. “I should explain that Gallon was not one of our original party. We had come down to Colombo from Mon. golia, going by the Pekin Hankow and the Nippin Yushen Keisha.” “That, I suppose, as the best way?’ I said “Yes. And, oddly enough, but for | the accident of Gallon joining us, we should have gone by the Amoy, Cochin, Singapore route, which was our first plan. In fact, but for Gal- lon we should Hardly have got through China at all. The revolu- tion had taken place only 12 years ou can imagine e country. Gallon was thus absolutely provider on it, I think it lives. hina), a_smal night at when all of a sudde Kharbin, outside the miserabl were in, we heard a p fusillade of shots followed im tely after wards by one of the most blood-cur dling and terrifying screams I have ever imagined “Oh, yes “and that was | how vou Well, I must be off.” As I happened at that very mome: to be rescued by an incoming friend I have still to learn why the lior howled 8o when it met Yarner. But surely the lion had reason enos (Cop: Considering the Big Question Whether Chinese Ought to Be Feeling Peevish BY SAM HELLMAN. T SEEMS,” remarks the mis. ses, “that those Chinamen can never behave theirselves. I see where they has killed some more white folks.” ‘Can’t behave theirselves. eh?” I comes back. ‘“Where'd all this trouble happen? In China?” “Of course” snaps the frau. “Where'd you think it happened? In Joe Sweeney's back yard?” “From the indignant way talks,” I remarks, “T thought maybe a bunch of them slant-eyed babies came over to this country, crashing a meet- ing of the Tuesday Sewing and I-Told- You-So Soclety in Rahway, N. J., and massacred seven or eight of the prom- inent members.” 2 “What are yop- talking about seowls Kate. “I'm talking sarcastic,” T tells her. “Did you ever wonder what business the English and the Americans and se is got being in China [ siily,” sniffs the wifs. “They got_as much right to be over there as Chinese laundrymen is got to be over here, haved't they?” “Just_as much,” I agrees, “but no more. That's where the trouble comes in.” How do you mean?” she inquires. “There's four hundred million Chinks in China,” I tells her, “and not more than a couple hundred thou- sand whites. Just the same the whites run all the big towns and the ports and treat the yellow boys like they— “That's because we got more brains than they has,” cuts in the fra “Let it go at that,” I agree: “but does the fact that you got more brains and a better shooting eve than the other bim give you a right to walk into his parlor and spit tobacco juice on the davenport?” “Is that what it all started over?” asks the misses. “How many more brains did you say vou had than a Chinaman?” I sneers. ““Twice as many as you got, if any,” shoots back Kate. “How did the trouble start?” “I don't know just what touched the fuse to the present explosion, but the Chinks have been sore for about seventy-five vears,” I returns, “and like a volcano they burst out every now and then when they get too hot under the collar to stand it any more. And you can't blame ‘em. * ok Kk ¥ ¢WWHAT a fine Nordic you turned out to be!” sniffs the frau. “You mean to tell me that you ap- prove of Chinese infidels killing white Christians?” o, I don't,” I sniffs right back, “and I didn’t say I did. I merely said I couldn't blame ‘em for being peevish over the way they has been treated. I wouldn't blame a dog for getting sore about a kid tying a can to his tail, but that doesn’t mean I'd stand around and give three cheers if the pup turned around and gave the kid hydrophobia. How would you like somebody to walk into this house, knock you down, take the best room in the place for his own use and only let you in the room when he wanted the floors scrubbed?” “Not much,” admits the frau. “Well,” I replies, “that’s just what's been done in China since England and Germany and the rest of 'em found out that the Yellows didn't care much about fighting and would take it lying down. What do you think happens if an Englishman in Hongkong, for example, commits a crime against a lot of Chinese?’ “Goes to jail, Kate. “If the English send him there, he does,” I tells her. “The - crook wouldn’t be tried by the Chinese courts, but by an English court. Can you beat it? It'd be just the same if séme Italian pulled a second-story job in New York and was tried by an Italian judge and a jury of Itallans— not Italians that had become Amer- jcan citizens, but Itallan subjects. Can you blame the young Chinks that have been going to Engljsh and Amer- jcan schoolg, learning all about de- mocracy and the rights of all people te run their own governments, self- determination, and the rest, getting het up over the situation?” # *“There hasn’t been much trouble I guess,”' answers vou | ‘€M SHE CUGHT TO HAUE THEM - 17 SHE OOESN™T, SHE OUGHT T TT'S UP TO THEM- / & c-ETC-EvC — before, has there?” inquires the wife. “A little,” T tells her, “but there is going to be a lot more from now on In the last 50 vears or so the Chinks have been cutting .off their pigtails and going in for all kind of Western improvements, including the idea that Europe has been making a sucker out of them. It won't be so long either before China’s going to have as many. rights as Japan.” “What makes you think so?” Kate wants to know, “What's America going to say, for I comes back, “if the Chi- nese government tells us they have! had an election over there ll ajority of 17 5 voters has de- | cided that they don’t want foreigners | to run their towns and that we should | take our doll rags and beat it and by a I We'd probably have a war, sug | gests the m | * % WAR!" T exclaims. “Do you “ A | think that the country that in | vented democracy and self-determina i(ion could o to war to force a coun try to override the will of a majority than 175,000,0002 Wouldn't pretty doing that” It'd be of more we look | just as logical for us to g0 to war to ]\f rce Switzerland cent increase in cheese. Hasn't to say how it wants it nd has’to cheese? I r how ‘.‘ would r to | China so the English could car: | the optum busir safe in Shang hai? _“I thou, we was China’s best fri remarks the frau We are that,” I why I think the Ch get away with what they wan out any wars. All America is got to do is tell the world we've decided that Chinamen really have got a right to live in China, and you'd see England and France hopping into the band eplies, “and that's | wa Japan wo t be so easy but d haveto-play ball in time | “How about th ries?” in | quires the w leave the count gonna get into no_religious v have to |arg T answers. “If China Wa ‘em s to have them 112 she doesn’ tn't. Tt's up to them. I ain’t one of them babies that | believe t the gospel ought to be d on the end of a bayonet and { jammed down a bimbo's throat. 1 don’t want anybody to fire Mormon | Bibles at me with a machine gun and I don’t want to shoot anvbody else | full of New Testaments, either. When I says that China ought to be free I means she ought to be free all over. Religion'’s her business as well as running her own ports and her own courts.” | “T didn't admir about prec knc says the misses vou knew ®o much ie of the second Kelly’s poolroom outs mmy 1 e. kid nd vou'll be w round y I cuts in, modest aring pearls of wis neck. D | ading he time?” “Yes,” answers the frau, | didn’t know you could find about C! in ‘Racing THE WHIR OF WINGS - - - - Confinued (Continued from Second Page.) King, an exhausted little thorough bred was spiraling down toward the goal of its three-day flight! * Kk X T was a badacting field and the starter had trouble in lining them up. During the interval of suspense the rain eased off to a slight patter and sunlight poured through a rift in the clouds. Advance Guard held quietly to his post position. Rosedale sulked on the outside. refusing to come within 20 feet of the barrier. Peleka and Star of Doon broke through repeatedly, almost unseating their riders. Assistant starters, in hipboots and armed with bull whips, floundered in the mud in desperate efforts to straighten out the snarl of excited boys/ and nervous horses. Finally the imported colt Master John came to the assistance of the ground crew. The black invader, frantic under restraint, backed the length of the line, wheeled and kicked the sulk- ing Rosedale in the ribs. The latter came to life and stepped forward. For the fraction of a second every horse had his nose to the barrier. Bam! Up went the gate and the field broke as one! They came past the grandstand like a troop of cav alry, Master John leading the way, closely followed by Star of Doon and Tippety True. The others were well bunched and fighting for position. At the first turn Star of Doon went out in front, taking the pace away from her rival. It was here that the inexperience of Advance Guard's rider told its story. Wee Willle made the mistake of trying to lay off the pace and rate his horse well behind the leaders. In the excitement no one had noticed a new contender in the field. A lavender-plumed shadow, fleeter than the wind, had already circled the track thrice, each time dropping lower and lower. Now it was whir- ring down the backstretch like a tiny afrplaney traveling net 20 feet above the ground and rapidly overhauling | Explain it as you will. Perhaps the ng of the Selling-platers heard not ‘hluno the whir of wings, but the roar from the grandstand. Perhaps it w the reins hanging free from the han. of an almost unconscious boy. The | great chestnut, ap rently unguided, pulled out of the ruck, went around | his field and came up on the outside of | the track where the footing was firm est. Ahead of him moved a blue streak. | The Information Kid was the first | to catch the picture. | “Helen of Troy in the lead:” he shrieked. “Come on, you Advance [(;uard: There’s your race, boys! Here he comes!" The crowd took it up hysterically. The big horse, with no help from his rider, was driving desperately for the wire, finishing on his courage and in- telligence alone! A sixteenth out it looked impossible! But he came on like a cyclone., gaining at every stride. Fifth! Fourth! Third! Pandemonium_broke, and down at the rail, the hustlers ripped the lid off bedlam. Second mnow, and only 50 yards to go! “Snow-face! big train!” And on he came—a battered, mud- covered sovereign of the turf, lunging onward until there was nothing ahead of him but the winning post and a pigeon! In that order they went un- der the wire, with’ three judges cer- tifying to the fact, and all Tia Juana acclaiming the verdict. * ¥ *x ¥ 'HE Information Kid was the orily one of all the hustlers who con- sidered the possibility of an epilogue. He made his way up ‘the winding path of Frying-pan Hill and came across Old_Man Benson cooling out Advance Guard in front of ‘their domicile. Benny's hands were still shaky from emotion, and his grizzied face was a stud. The Information Kid proffered con Snow-face! C'mon, you the field. Tt cut across the far turn flashed into the stretch. picked up horse - horse, appeared to hesi- | tate an instant, swerved and then went on! gratulations. ‘‘Pigeon in the stall, Benny?” “Yes, Kid. Poor little cuss seems { kind of wind-blown and tuckered out | I laid it in the straw with some feed Dog may cats, I-I—" He passed a rough hand across his eyes—and | completed the balance of the sentence in a husky whisper to his horse. | The hustler eniered the stall and | knelt down 1o examine th ippled queen of the sky. “You Iil' sweet { hea he murmured You sure | brought us luck today asy now | T won't hurt you. Just want to see what else you brought | thought so! I know no tines alwayvs have pictures of doves on ’em. Oh, Benny, come in here a {minute. Have you got your reading | specs with you?” Advance Guard's owner heeded the summons, clumsy fingers fumbling in his vest. Specs? Specs? What'< the matter? The Information Kid extented = folded note he had taken from a tiny cylinder. *“Nothin’ the matter, Benny. It looks to me like a winning ticket, but you better read it."” Old Man Benson donned his spec tacles, and his lips moved as he mentally speMed out the message. Gradually the stubble on his cheeks seemed to take on a pinkish glow. It was the nearest approach to a love letter that Mi: Brown had ever writ. ten or Benny Benson had ever ceived, The Information Kid comd not re- sist the temptation to peer over Benny's shoulder. He could distin- guish but one line— “Helen was lonely, and® so am I. Please forgive—-" Benny looked up a minute later, and his face was transfigured. Suddenly he burst into activity, dashing around the stall and collecting his belonginuzs. Out came the tackle-box. Down came everything from the walls. The In- formation Kid grinned. “Ain’t golng away, are you, Benny " “Yep,” said Old Man Benson, “me and the horse and the pigeon! We're shipping to Canada on the first train? \ (Copyrighi. 1935.) Aha, T why valen re.