Evening Star Newspaper, January 25, 1925, Page 65

Togo - Picks Leaders and Platform for Great No-Dancing Appeal to Voters BY WALLACE IRWIN, Mo President U. S. A. who I shall call Cal because of deep shirt bosom friendship I shall hereafterly feel for him. EAREST 8irt By news priat which I read a few days of vore 1 find something enor- mally immense about you which 1 hope s true, if it fan't. I read in that plain reporter’s hand- writing following joyful Declamation of Independence from you: “Pres. Cal Coolidge when saw in his ‘White home this a.m. were asked If he would dance, waltz or any-of- those-new-things &t his Inaugural Ball *““Will not & Congress can't make me? report Hon. Chl forcing back his 1ps till he broke two (2) teeth. “Whea Hon. Reportorial ask if he got some objection ‘to dancing he back-fire suddenly. ‘I got no obfec- tlon to it if somebody else do it for me & I are not cumpelled to look & iisten. “WWith such Presidential Massage he up & dry oft.” Hon. President, when I read manifisto I crled a long time into newspaper. “At lastly,” I say so, wave dishcovered a American what can’'t bo either pulled or halled to & dance. He have a soul so muscular that he can hold onto his chair of office & not even his wife can un- hook him from his strong puppose. T will play eucrs if necessary,’ he say o, ‘and It cumpelled by publick opinion I will snegk Into the East Room & smoke a siggarret. But lance! 1 shall not, I cannot, I will aot 1 do not like to do it, and despise it with every ounce of my grimm New England blood. You will not dance because you do Dot like it! O Strong Man of the Hour, 1 rever- vou Study - alosa No bacause on in has long been vaguely under- stood that the condition of a man’s clothes has a certain effect upon the health of both body and mind. The well known proverb, Clothes makes the man,” has its origin in a general recognition of thg habiliments of their reaction upon the wearer. On the one hand we remark the bold carriage and mental vigor of a man attired in a new suit of clothes; on the other hand we note the melan- holy features of him who is con- clous of a posterior patch, or the haunted face of one sufforing from nternal loss of buttons. But no at- tempt has as yet been made to ro- duce our knowledge to form. The numerous diseases which ure caused by this fatal influence hould receive a sclentific analysis, und their tment be included among the principles of the healing ‘What would persons say if I come up publickly & dictate to a reporter that I would rather be drowned In grape juice than dance with my tired feet? Who would listen at me? Who would ‘glve more care to that than ay with humorlstick eye-wink, Hashimura Togo, a Japanese, do not care to dance.”??? But now, Hon. Cal, I observe the advantages attacked to being Pres. of the U. S. Formerly I used to think that the Chief Axecutive of America dldn’t get nothing but bruises for payment of hard work. But now I commence see what fine Job it are. *x ok x OSHES! T would give 10000000000 votes, both sexes, i I could stand up in White House 3 minutes & say to Associatted Press the followling speech: “I do not desire to dance, thank you. “It gives me pains “Even to look at it. “The kind of Noiss the Okestra make “Like jackesses trying to Swalla pineapples backwards “Drives me to dementia. “Allso those molasses tunes “What they use to play “While waltzing with Germans, “Don’t enjoy me anny. “When I require to clasp Ladies prefer “Lonesomeness & fusic don’t help. And it make me feel still Worse “To go dancing At places where I must set still ail evening. “Like Last Winter when “L belonged to a Dance Club “& wore out 4 pairs of evening systematic | MEDICAL C JBABLY no artl liable to a diseased condition | trous: 1, | first those malad talunae, or Pre so th pants (borrowed) “Just waiting, walting, waiting. “Goshes! “How I hate to dance & when Congress Pathology Twenty-Fifth Amentment 1 shall snuggest as following: “NO DANCING ALLOWED!!" Now Mr. Pres. some persons might be so depraved & snake-brained to say that you are predijulced against Dance Steps because of New English birth & Presbyterian training. But when they approach you with anny such uncuitivated remark, please say to them, “Look at Hashimura Togo, Democrat! He were born fn Japan (he say say so) & educatedin First Buddhist Church of Yeddo. Yet he don’t like the darnly thing no more than me. So there!” Mr. Pres, I were the person who did not vote for you during vour last running. But if you will run again next year on a Dancing Platform 1 swars to deliver to you all votes in my Boarding House, whioh are solld- ified Japanese. LR EAR Hon. Emperor of Amerioa, if you could realize the number of sufferings that has came to me be- cause of that Dance Requirement in Amerlcan Society! Because of my danceless feet I cannot even get mar- ried to & wife. Why Is? When I ap- proach a yg. lady, intention matrimo- nial, there she are making whirl- around with some hansom raskel of u Japanese, trying to look like Sessue Hayhkawa. All time musio, plaving Sax O'Fone, tell mo how they haven't got bannanaas. What do I care for that fruit while my soul are filled with gentile poems? Boshes! & when that tune are stopped up jump another & vg Lady get twirled by somebody else. 1 do not know which to do. Go to Germany & learn goose-step Or re- mane in America & leafn fox-step. How can I even fall in love in such a country? No American DeButtant will stay still long enough to llsten to a o of Shakspere. “FRACTURA SUSPENDORUM, OR SNAPPING OF THE GALLUSES, AMOUNTS TO A (LE\'ERPL(JOLLAPFE O»F_‘ THE_SY STEM.” ening of the Legs of the Trousers, an extremely painful malady most fre- quently found in the growing youth The first symptom is the appearance | of a yawning space (lacuna) above the shoe tops, accompanied by an acute sense of humiliation and & mor- bid anticipation of mockery. I tell you what let you & me do, Hon. Cal. Lets keep our minds off that Disarmint Cunfrance for a while til somebody gets in war, then we will know more about it anyhow. Im meanwhiles, what say we shall start a Movement!!?? You can represent the High End of the Movement & I will represent the Low End. What shall we mov: I tell you. Let us taks a National Senseless of Opinion on Dancing. All who like it say Eye! All who don't say Boo. Maybe we better start with the Senators several of which, I are willing to bet my bootwear, do not love dance. For Instancely, take yr ernest friond & vote-getter, Senator Rob. M. LaFolette. I could not umagine him doing _that chemisc dance awfully good. Hon. Hi. John- son, father of Japanese Art in Amer- Ica, could not pussibly walts or wolf- trot because his great brain must hold down his feet. & how would Senator Moses look on a roof garden where the Male Rates are 5o high alredy that gentlemen must pay 92§ to get in with food bottled. 1 are informed that Senator Borah use to dance slightly, but since he have sweet dlspoaltion and easlly lead, we shall get him on our program als Now with those 4 big sirong names on program & vours & mine to make it sound natural, we could swept the Country with a organlzation called the No Dancing Thank You Club. Prominent persons would come en- rushing to our ranks. We woyld get nearly all the fat men In America. Fat ladies also. Then we could drag together all persons who just adore to set down. * % % % R. PRES. do you reallze that mostly all the great thinking has been did while roosting on a chair? Although I was not there, I bet Moses took his 12 commendments settin of Trousers Is The application of treacls to the shoes, although commonly recom- mended, may rightly be condemnad as too drastic a remedy. The use of boots reaching to the knee, to be removed only at night, will be fmme- diate relief. In connection with Con- tractio Is often found— I Inflatio Genu, or Bagging of the Knees of the Trousers, a disease whose symptoms are similar to those above. The patient shows an aver- slon to the standing posture, and, in acute cases, If the patient be com- | pelled to stand, the head iv bent and the eves fixed with painful rigidity upon the projecting blade formed at the knee of the trousers: In both of the above diseases any- &hing that can done to free the ‘mind of the patient from a morbid sense of his infirmity will do much to tmprove the general tone of the system. 1. Oases, or Patches, are liable to break out anywhere on the trousers, and range In degree of gravity from those of a trifing nature to those of a fatal character. The most distressing cases are those where the patch assumes a different color from that of the trousers (dissimilitas coloris) In this instance the mind of the Hon. Thos. have think Jefferson would never up the Declamation of Independence if people make him walta all time. When you get your- f Inoggurated, Mr. Pres, they will make you stand up. But don’t you keep away from yr Chair anny longer than the Supreme Court demand it, beoause you will do the best thinking tor the U. 8. in a Sitentary position. For your benefit (because you have 80 much office work to do you might forget) I wish give you some val. stattisticks what could be used In first meeting of our great National Setting Society. If 18% of the Feet power now un- ployed every night in U. S. was trans- ferred Into Brain Power following publick blessings could take place In two (2) weeks: Universal Peace could be settled without golng to war. France could think up plan to stop Germany from manufacturing poison Florida Water with atomizers for Next War. Incum taxes would bo removed & the poor would get rich by it. Science would invent a PreWar Gin that could be carried on the Hipp but not on the Breath. Somebody could tell us what the 6-5-3 Progrom means, if anything. Those are but a few unbuttoned Thoughts which could be fixed up by your Mr. Slemp in time to read it when next Congress collapses to- gether. I would not Itke to have you read it at this Congress, because 8o many Congressmen have got a lame ducking & such are not good time to snuggest brite thought to people. Please to' axept these humbile thoughts for their sterling worthless- uess. Your footless supporter Hashimura Togo (Copyright, 1925.) patient 1s found to be in a sadly aberrated condition. A speedy im- provement may, however, be effocted by cheerful soclety, book: flowers, 2nd, above all, by a complete change. IV. The overcoat s attacked by no serfous disorders, except— Phosphorescentia, or Glistening, s malady which indeed may often be observed to affect the whole system. It is caused by decay of tissue from old age and is generally aggravated | by repeated brushing. A pecullar feature of the complaint is the lack of veracity on the part of the patlent {m reference to the cause of his uneasiness. Another Invariable symptom 1& his aversion to outdoor exercise; under various pretexts, which It is the duty of his medical adviser firmly to combat, he will avoid even a gentle walk In the streets. V. Of the waistcoat science recog- nizes but one disease— Soupllia, an affliction caused by re- peated spilling of soup. It is gener- ally harmless, chiefly owing to the mental indifference of the patient. It can be successfully treated by re- peated fomentations of benzine VI. Mortificatio Tilis or Greeness of the Hat, Is a disease often found in connection with Phosphorescentia “I DO NOT DESIRE TO DANCE, TH (mentioned above), and characterized by the same aversion to outdoor life. VIL Sterilitas, or Loss of Fur, is another disease of the hat, especially prevalent fn Winter. It Is not accu- rately known whether this is caused by & faling out of the fur or by a ceseation of growth. In all diseases of the hat the mind of the patient is greatly depressed and his counte- nance stamped with the deepest gloom. He s particularly sensitive in regard | to questions as to the previous his-| tory of the hat. ’ § Want of space precludes the men- | tion of minor diseases, such as— VIIL Odditus Soccorum, or Oddness | of the Socks, a thing in itseif trifiing, | but of an alarming nature if met i combination with Contractio Panta lumnae, Cases are found wherse th patient, possibly on the public plat-| form or at a social gathering, is| is selzed with a consciousness of the| malady so suddenly as to render med- Ical assistance futile. Is to mention SURGICAL CASES. IT impossible than a few of the most cases of diseases of this sort L Explosio, or Loss of Buttons, is| the commonest malady demanding surgical treatment. It consists of a more | typical | K YOU. Undertaken by Stephen succession minor fractures, pos- sibly internal, which at first excite ne alarm. A vague sense of uneasiness is presently felt, which often lcads the patient to seek rellof In the string habit—a habit which, If un- duly indulged in, may assyme the proportions of & ruling passion. The use of sealing wax, whi mirable as a temporary remedy ad- for | Explosto, should never be allowed to gain a_permanent hold upon the sy tem. There is no doubt that a per- | sistent indulgence in the string habit or the constant use of ax will result in I1. Fractura ndorum, or Snap- ping of the Galluses, which amounts | to a general collapse of the system. The patient is usually seized with evere attack of Explosio, followed b. a4 sudden sinking g and of loss. A sound constitutior rally from the shock, but a undermined t the string habit variably succumbs. 1L Sectura Pantalunae, or of the Trousers, is generally caused by sitting upon warm beeswax or leaning against a hook. In the case | of the very youug it is not unfre- quently accompanied by a distressing suppuration of the shirt. This, how- | ever, Is not remarked In adults. The sealing-v ma3 IT GIVES {E PAINES.” Leacock. malady is rather mental than bodil the mind of the patient being racked by a keen sense of indignity, of feellng of unworthiness. The onl. treatment Is immediate isolation, with a careful stitching of the affected part (Copyright, 1925.) Vessel 75 Years Old. THE Victory, the oldest American essel to re commissior and for 75 year; faithful servic off the Atlantic Coast, has a comfort able winter bert Brewer, Me Her owners felt that the aged schooner could not resist the pound ing ice of another winter. But her respite from tofl Is only temporary. for in the Spr Victory will ba reconditioned and h sails agan spread, will co ¥ try to weather another ye oastal service ar iz World's Telephones. TATISTICS recently published pu the total number of telephones in use at 37,000, this figure being made up as followg: America, 15,540,- 000; Europe, 5,503.000; Asia, 682,000 Australa and Africa 1 0. Pick Up Your Old Friends With Care, Is Advice From Nina Wilcox Putnam great in Scotland used to say t think what »u_know, jam manufacturer | th to me come up be- . that's my hus- 1 go0. when that Hawthorne Club had the ‘phone to know will thetr house and play ing. and I had is in sign lan- aking my head, not .ioe Bush st rung > come ove Lridge Saturday e #lve George ep! #uage to say no by s ing a perfectly normal getting it at all, . hey, Joe, the missis ain't sure make it, we will lot you know later, and then he hung and he says to me what and the o is the matter don't you wanner And 1 says no, 1 am sick to death of them Joe Bushes, where 18 all the folks that we used to know, I says, Tiere we are stuck in a rut, we see the neighbor: on account they are casy to reach, but how about the old friends? We will call them inti- mate, but when do we see them or ear anything about them? Usually ot until there is a funeral notice in_the paper, I say Well, onct in a while T throw what (Geo. thinks is a wise crack, and this one of them. That's right, he says, there is a lot of the old gang Wo ain't seen in years, what a jolly crowd, we w so congenial! Well, I says, 1 can think of a 3% «doz. of that bunch I been meaning » get in touch with for years. And Gieo. says fine, who will we touch tirst? And I says, wn? And G iation of a permitted, by old such a pose well, I dunno, who will give as good a imi- thinking as nature aturally he couldn't 50 he says how long Ring Lardner Finds Reconstructed Elite Is BY RING LARDNER. 1 O the editor: For the benefit of visiting firemen I would bet- ter exclalm what this Is all \hout as near as I am able to judge from h say and read- n& the newspapers Well it scems that a big bunch of the riff and raff has been horning their o N. . soclety the last yr. N things has come to such a | pass that the elite was libel to find themselfs time after time attending partics which people that work for a Hving was also guests at same with the result gh mucky nucks would half to rush homa early «nd disinfect themselfs. Some hos- tesses has forgot thelr social stand- ing to such extent that they have naluded Indiana and Wisconsin born folks in their invitations. It has got o that a person of breeding and re- finement don't hardly dast go out of the house for the fear of being spoke to in public by some scum that they had met the night before by mistake and it certainly is a gerrible thing to be crouped up at home without no- body but your own wife or husband to talk to. Well a little wile ago, along some | time last summer a select group of our best women including the queen | Kleagle of some exclusive organi- zation got together and decided it that it was time for a gen. shake up which they would get rid of the vermin once and for all and make so- clety look something like it used to 10 yrs ago when the 400 come into peing. At that time a prominent butcher's grand daughter in law or something glve & party and left the inviting to a gentleman friend that asd the family history of everybody §n america at both ends of his tongue. 1 icd just & cven 400 invitations about Eddle Freenash. he used to be the life of the party, and I seen in the papers he has bought a house out to Rosemere. Why don't we give him a ring and say hello anyways, I believe I will do o right now. So Geo. got out the telephone book and thumbed it over till he had it pretty near all down his throat, meanwhile making remarks such as fa, fah, no, fe, i, fo - ah, no, Charles, that ain’t him, until just before I commenced to be worried for fear 1 had better send for the wagon, he says, ah I got it, three-four-nine, party J. And then after no more then the normal telephone delay, Geo. got the number, and what was even further, he got Eddie his own seif on the wire. B Well, Geo. says hello, guess who this Is speaking, it's George Jules! And 1 could hear Eddie's voice clear through the ‘phon hen he says, well well of all things, and then the two of them had a long jaw, which 1 couldn't make out a great deal of it, but after a while Geo. hung up and unloaded the news WWELL: it seems Eddle was married now, and they had a kid, and he was just crazy to have us see that k!d and meet his wife and etc. And it also seems where he had been crazy to get In touch with us, and had meant to long before this, and ete, but you know how it is, and any- ways, would we come out Sunday afternoon and call and be sure to bring Junior? Well 1 says, Geo. sce, that was a good idea, they are the kinda people we had ought to keep up with, he must of been very successful, or he wouldn't own no house out in Rose- mere, why waste our time on the Joe Bushes when we got friends like Bddie? And Geo. says I agree with you en- tirely. And by the time 1 had re- covered from that remark, why it was the next day, and time to start for the Eddie Freenashs if we was to get there around tea time, allowing for blow outs, both tire and verbal. Well, all the whole ways out to Rosemere I and George kept passing esch other the apple sauce about won't it be great to see dear old Ed again, say, wasn't he the funny little feller, though, & regular skeleton, with all that crowd of blond hair, we used to call him dish mop, d'yer remember? And Geo. says remember the nights we all used to go down to Greenwich Village and act like Bohemians and Lddie was the worst of them all? And belleve you me, by the time we got to Rosemere and commenced los- ing our way trying to find here Eddie lived, 1 and George was both feeling like we was about twenty again and that a warm friendship such as ours and Eddle Freenash's was one of them fine, great, lasting things which makes life worth living. And ete. Well, after we had drove around soventeen wrong boulevards, into, I should say, wrong developments, we come to a house that says Freenash on the gates, and of course knowing a friend which had gates to their place was kind of a shock, but we drove in just the same, and after we had wrung the bell pretty near dry, the door was opened by a perfect stranger to us—a fat, bald man, and I thought it was maybe the butler. But *before I could pinch that effect hand and he says for the lavva Heaven are you George Jules, and seorge let out a holler and says for he lovva tripe is it Fddie Freenash! And then Eddie says why, George old scout, you ain’t changed a bit, and Geo. says why Eddie, old hoss, I would of known you anywheres, the same old Ed. eh? * x F ok Geo. to ND then Bddie-says to me well well, 1f it ain’t Jennie, prettier and younger than ever, well lay off your things, folks! Then he says to Junfor, #o this must be your boy, eh, well ain't that great, come on into the parlor folks, I'm just crazy to have you meet Annie. Well, I will say where Eddle had the right dope when he says he was just crazy to have us meet Anne, 1 ;TFiOSE THAT GOT A INVITATION TO THIS PARTY KNEW THAT THEY WAS NUMBERED AMONGST GOD'S CHILLUN.” and made the remark that anybody not included in his list might con- sider themselfs permanently barred from organized baseball. The 400 and their assigns carried along the burden until just a short time back, when a: 1 say some brother Elks and Mooses 3 begun to horn their way in and spoil the party. Last summer the committee of chosen people consisting almost en- tirely of women of the opp. sex made up their mind to raise the limit from 400 to 500 so as to let In a few. fam- and | maybe thirteen | the feller held out his | | could tell it in a minute I looked her. ‘Fddie's wife had been married to him quite soms yrs. and I suppose he was used to her, but that didn't help me none. She give us the kind of welcome he had told her to, and then we all sat down fn their par- Jor which was outsized, so far as I and Geo. was concerned, and 1 will say, for all it was expensive, they dldn’t have a particle of taste, except maybe In their mouth, Weil anyways, Annie says you have known Ed a long time 1 be- lieve, with a air about her of well I always knew he must of had some ordinary people In his past. Aad then she merely sat. have his boy meet our boy, so they hauled out the kid, and in two min utes he and Junior was wild, all right. They got along like a coupla dear little wildcats, the sounds upstairs where they had gone to play, 80's us old chums could talk over oid times more freely. Eddie commenced it. He says well well, do you ever seo Ed_Whoosis? And’ Geo. says dear old Ed, no, do you? And Eddfe says, no, but I been meaning to get in touch with him, how about that fat feller—Tom? or maybe his name was Howard, no it was Tom. And Geo. says sure I re- member him, it was Tom, 1 remem- ber him perfectly—a big fat feller! Then we all laughed, on account we absolutely had to do something. ‘Then I pulled a good one. How about Elste Jones? I says, whatever become of FElsie Jones? And of course this was where Geo. had to &0 and be a fool and pull some crack to the effect ha ha! you ought to re- member her Eddie! And then Annie come to life and says who was that woman? And 1 says oh that was long before he ever met you dear, I hear she's married now. And then there w a pause that might have been called a four- paws, as the French say. Then Geo. cleared hls throat and it was no wonder he was obliged to in that at- mosphere. flles that had sold out their meat markets and livery barns and turned square since the last shuffie. The queen Kleagle was sent to Parls to meet some royalgies and Invite them over here to get acquainted with the reconstructed elite. The first royalty to who a invitation was gxtended was the grand duchess Cyrf of Russia whose husband will be czar of Russia as soon as they decide to have czars again. .This event is expected to take place the same fall that Utica wins the pennant in the Cotton States League. They say that the Kleagle had to siip the duchess tres beaucoup francs for the steamer fare and tips. the good ship Paris reached N. some months later, the duchess dis- embarked by way of the steerage gang plank and most folks said how clover she was to outwit the news- paper boys and eto. Now, the committee had this scheme worked out, namely, they was to an- nounce in the papers that a party would be give at the Monday Opera Club {n honor of the duchess and who ever got a would know that they was numbered amongst God's chillun wile them that didn’t get no invitation was quar- antined from now on. Personally— but any way. I had tickets that night for “What Price Glory. Well, they say that the czarina was a terrific hit with everybody except the bellhops and other employes of the hotel where she was stopping and the hit was made in spite of the fact that they ain’t no danger of her highness running Gloria Swanson out of the picture game. But the main pt. is that now so- clety In N. Y. has been re-established on a solid basis. If you are in the Monday Opera 500 Club you belong- Then Eddie says he was wild to| or 8o I judged from | i N When | Invitation to this party | “AND THEN ANNIE COME TO LIFE AND SAYS WHO WAS THE WOMAN.” | | | {1t {each other by | | | Well Eddie, he eays, it looks like things had gone fine for you. Oh they have, fair, says Eddie, you look like you ain’t exactly suffered, your- self. Oh, not so's it can be noticed, says George, and then we all com- menced to laugh again, and I thought my heaven, if Geo. was to expect me to laugh at that kind of a line in private, why Hot Bozo! “SHE LEFT THE INVITING TO A GENTLEMAN FRIEND THAT HAD THE FAMILY HISTORY OF EVERYBODY IN AMERICA AT BOTH ENDS OF HIS TONGUE.” If you ain’t, you don’t. On the nights when they don't have royalties or dances, they probably play 500, but any way, the scheme has done what the committee expected It to do, namely, to use their own words, “to preserve dignity and good breeding otherwise there will be a soclal rev- olution here like the French revolu- tion.” Us boys and gals should cer- tainly ought to feel grateful and personly It's a big load off my mind. During Cyril's stay over here she was accompanled every place she Well, sald Eddie when our mirth had quieted down, it certainly is| great to see you folks out here in| our little home. It is a big pity to| lose track of the old friends ain't it? And we says certainly. And then Eddle commenced ing the floor to some foolish effect about how he was only the other day saying to Annle how they must- n't get stuck in a rut, on account hold- went by Detective Sergta. Brown, Kelly and Herman of the bomb' squad. These boys was going along for the| nominal purpose of protecting her | vs. attacks from rabid reds; some of the women folks was catty enough to say, however, that she wasn't afraid of no reds, but having a male escort all the wile appealed to her on_acct. of the novcity. The future czarina ain't the only | nookea Queer ever since they bought this place out | to Rosemere, all they done was see the neighbors, while in the m their most intimate friends th: had meant to keep up with, w dldn’t hardly see uothing of Well, about then I didn't 1 could endure Annic's cordiality any longer, and that if she was to keep looking like that at me I would soon be telling her a lot ab ntime | at they | y they tham. feel like notoriety th of the clu t is goinz to be a guest All ready they have Marie of Rumania. the Duchesse de Vendome, head of the Bourbons, who still hopes to regain the throne of France, though it is pretty near Impossible to get Bour- bon over bere any more. and Grand Duchess Xenia of Russia is & sister of the last czar, and the last czar's cousin Michael and the Dowager Marchioness of Milford Ha- | who wasn't so, but the kind of thing she fully expeci of me. Why on earth our friends eve marry the people they do iz & wonde to me. 1 also realized wher fally due our little bo: art [ we says well w surely get toj call up and make certainly and talk meet you at which would bi we was now splendid ng showed . and etc., and so 1l folke, we must ether axain soon. We'l 1 date before long at to of seen you and fine must over old times ure we our first na we ar all such old friends! And then we managed to get the two kids to shak hands without mitting any mur ders, and after ¥ a wave of sin- cere goodbyes e t our boat and set full Well, even half hour wt find the die’s ¢ first terrible trying to 1 spite of orge did kind < got back er, excepting gOt heavy d that's a terrible t it. on a friend, and old friends are as some cheeses, Geo. it n't time we home, we didn't only my. ain't e where is his ha woman he married count Eddie was it 18 well known t best—the same Well anyways, was great to see he's a fine feiler, ain’t changed a 1 tainly has! Then G self a k stdeboard of ad. sure again 0., who was eneaking his nda worried look into mirror. caught sight me headed for the telephone. Hey! “What are to?" says. And I says T am going to call up them dear old Joe Bushes and sugges:, they come over for me of bridge I says. I guess the nds you stani for every day and who do the same for you are “good enough for me. George, and as Shakespere so trul says of old time friends, “They look good when they're far (Copyright, 1925 also vou up h al away! Established on Sound Basis ven, granddaughter of Queen Vic toria. When this list has run out we cat look forw to visits from th Kaiser, the Crown Prince, Count Saln of Austria, Max Oser of the Royal Swiss Yodelers and Prince Singh, the Robinson's gal's little boy friend, and if we coax hard enough maybe wWe can enjoy another cafl from Luis Angel Firpo and lady. Fishing for Crocodiles in Borneo NDER ordinary circumstances, the Dyaks of Borneo®ask nothing more of the crocodiles that infest their rivers than to be left alone. Nobody thinks of catching or dis- turbing any of the creatures until one of them has begun to display & liking for human flesh. Then the professional _crocodile - catcher is called in end crocodiles are caught and killed until the discovery of some of the brass arm ornaments, which svery Dyak wears, In the stomach of one of the victims shows that the maneater has at last been caught. There 18 employed a curious method of catching the great reptiles. Al plece of hard wood 10 inches long and an inch or so in dlameter is sharpened to a point at both ends. A length of plaited baru bark some 8§ feet long Is tied to a shallow botch In the middie of this plece of wood and a single rattan 40 or 50 feet long is tled to the end of the bark rope, forming a long line. The most irresistible bait is the carcass of & monkey, although the body of a €55 or a enake is often The the used. more overpowering the | stench better—the crocodile will eat only putrefying flesh. The bait | is securely lushed to the pointed bar | and one. of the ends of the bar fs| tied with a few turns of cotton thread to the bark rope, bringing bar and rope into the same straight line. Next the bait is suspended from the bough of a tree overhanging the river. The rattan line is left lying on the ground, one end of it firmly fixed tn the soil. Attracted either by smell or sight, | a crecodile raises himself from the water and snaps at the bundie, the slack line making no resistance till the bait Is swallowed. and the antmal begins to swim off. Then the planted end of ‘the lines holds till the thread binding the pointed stick to the bar rope snaps. The stick at once returns to its natural position at right angles to the rope and becomes jammed across the crocodile’s stomach, the two points fixing themselves in the flesh. s A _firm pull will soon bring the crocvdfle to the surface’ and on i shore, for the pain which every pull follow docilely after the drag of the rope. Har", | at the rope causes constrains him tas As soon as he is landed the animat is addressed by the catcher in most eulogistic language, that he may be beguiled Into offering no resistance. He 18 talled “a rajah among animals" and told that he is come on a friendly visit and must cordingly. First, the creature’s jaws are tleg ~ up, not a very difficult thing to do. Then the crocodile catcher, stil? pouring forth compliments upon his prey, tells him he for his fingers, and he binds th, creature’s hind legs fast behind his back 5o as to deprive him of his grin, on the ground and his ability to use his powerful tail. This takes no little courage and skill. Finally the fore Jegs are tled in the same way, a stout. pole Is passed under the legs and Mr Crocodlle s carrled off to the nearest government station, where the bounty = patd tacs calb conduct himselt ac-, wiil give him rings .