Evening Star Newspaper, September 15, 1935, Page 94

Magazine Section HEN they made me a Star and my fans began asking who I was and where I came from, the Studio gave out a storv. It said a Big Motion Picture Director had seen me in a convent and had signed me up right awav. Which is the bunk. What convent that is a convent would let a Movie Director inside its walls? I ask vou. I wasn't born in Richmond. Virginia. either. I was born in Brooklyn. I was alwavs a good dancer, and I could sing a littie. So when 1 was sixteen. 1 got me a job in the Chorus of a Broadway Show. That first vear, by keeping myv eves and ears open and my mouth shut. I learned a lot. Well, we'd just come into New York with a new Show. It was a sure-fire hit, and everyv- thing was all set. So the Manager began cut ting Hades out of it That meant more rehearsals. And it there's one thing us girls despise worse than rehear- sals. it's more rehearsals. Besides. when the alarm clock vou forget to wind don't go off, how can vou be there on time* So | was late one morning. And I was FIRED Of course 1 hung around to see if 1 couldn't patch it up. But 1'd been late three mornings that week. ; So I took my exit smiling, and was hitting down the alley when a big Animal Cracker tried to stop me. “Where you going. Sweetheart?'’ he says. 1 guess you're dialing the wrong number, ™’ I says. “You want a Public Pay Station — not the Ritz.” “Oh. no!" he savs. "You're just the girl I'm looking for. I'm the new P.A." “You're new." I says, “‘and P stands for Poison. But what does A stand for?’ “Press Agent, Beautiful.' “Oh!" I'says. ““Well, vou can't press agent me — I've just been .fired.” “Old stuff,” hesayvs. "“1I'mtelling you vou re hired. The Boss wants to see you mn his office at two o'clock.” **No fooling?"' “Listen, Precious! I always tell the truth on Thursdays — and this is it."” Honey O'Brien bv SALISBURY FIELD I gave him a good look, and it did seem like he meant 1t. “‘Heaven help vou if you're deceiving this Poor Working Girl,” I says. “How come I'm on the payroll again?" “It's like this,”" he says. "“Press Agents ain’t supposed to have ideas. But T had one All T had to do then was make the Boss think it was his idea -— not mine." “‘How could you bear it?" I says. “Letting the Boss think he’s the papa of the only idea you ever had?"” “Oh, I'll get another some dayv. I got one now. How about having lunch with me’ “Not me.,” I says. “You might get me thinking this lunch idea was mine. and hand me the check. I'll be at the office at two o'clock. But if this is just a gag and the Boss don’t want to see me, thefe's going to be a dead Press Agent around Mere." Then I beat it. And though I didn't look around, I knew that that bird was following me. So when I got in front of Clean Charlie's, I did a quick entrance, and went straight to one of those little tables for two. The reason I sat down there was because a guy with whiskers was sitting in the other chair. And even a Singer's Midget couldn't have found room to horn in and make 1t three. So there I was at the same table with Whiskers. *‘Safe on first.” I says, “and one man out " “1 beg vour pardon.’ says my vee-za-vee which is French. “No spik English,” 1 says. Then I look up. and there's P.A. standing right by my elbow. And what do you suppose that big Sword Fish does? He picks up Whis- kers, chair and all. and carries him over to the next table. My, but Whiskers is mad' “What's the idea?" he yells. **What's the idea?” “You're getting off easy,” savs the P.A. “*Next time I catch vou having lunch with my girl, I'll cut vour heart out. Here's vour nap- kin. and here's your clam chowder. Now, shut up!” Then, grabbing a chair, he shoves it over to my table and sits down. Fresh? 1 hope to tell vou! But between I and you, I kinda liked it. *Clean" Charlie didn't like it, though. “Hey!" he says. "'You can't play checkers with my customers like that'" “"Tain't checkers,” says the P.A. “It's chess. I'm aiming to take the Queen. Bring me a cupa coftee and a whole apple pie."” “Lost yvour appetite?” 1 says “1 sure have, Sweetness. [ alwavs lose it when I fall in love."” So that's how 1 got acquainted with Buzz. Of course Buzz ain't his real name. It's what they called him at College. Yep. That old ignoramouse went to Col- lege. I can't rempember the name of his Alum nus-Mater, which is Latin. But I got it on some bath salts. Coty - or Colgate - or something Buzz told me a lot about himself that day, and I guess some of it was true. It sure did surprise me, though, when he told me he was born in Canada *“Then you must be a Canadian.'’ I savs “You got brains as well as beauty," says Buzz. I don’t usually go around with Foreigners. But Canadians are ditferent. So I let Buzz pav my: check. But that's all 1 got out of him. When it came to telling me why the Boss wanted to see me, he was a regular Sphinix which is Egvptian “You could at least give me a hint."" I savs. “Do I play an Angel on the end of a wire. or do I go in a tank with a trained seal?" **Wait and see.’" he savs. And I did wait, for the Boss was hall an hour late. When he did come in, the Boss was all business. “‘Is this the girl?"' he savs. “Yep, this is her,” says Buzz. ‘‘And here < the roto of H R.H. What do vou think Hllustration by G. Zayas “This 1s getting good,” I says. “Good?" says Buzz. “It’s colossal! Give 'em a bow, Baby” Copyright, 1935, United Newspapers Magazine Corporation Septrember 15, 1935 The Boss looked at the picture Buzz had gave him, then at me, then back at the pic ture. “Oh, I don't know," he says. “You're dead right,” says Buzz. I told vou it was a bum idea " “That's why you're such a lousv Press Agent,”” says the Boss. “You don't know a swell idea when you see one. She's just what the Doctor ordered. Shoot the piece." “Excuse me,"” I says, “but am I the piece that's going to be shot>* “Don't bother me," says the Boss. “I'm busy. Take her down to Eddie. Buzz." So down we go to see Eddie, who's the Stage Manager, and also the bird who has just fired me. ““Hell's Bells!"" he says. **You back again?" But when Buzz told him the plot, he was real nice. 'l gotcha,”” he says. *Colonel ot the Cold Cream Guards — reviews the troops. Hip, hip — eves right! Can you speak lines, Girlie?"” *Great Grief, Eddie! Don't you remember me saying: ‘The steward is stewed. Madam, in your last show?" I must say the girls seemed real pleased to have me back. And mavbe vou think 1 wasn't glad to know I was going to eat for a few weeks. It looked now like 1 was all set and would maybe get a raise. Because the Boss was right. With my boyish bob, which is the kind I was wearing then, 1 did look kinda like the picture Buzz had showed him. And here's the gag: A real, honest-to-God Prince was hot-footing it to New York in a battleship. And the minute he landed, a Prince Number was going into the show. And me, wearing a uniform and a sword and what-not, was going to play the Prince. What a break!' And I owed it all to Buzz. “You and Lady Luck certainly did a swell 1ob today.” | savs. "“But honest, Buzz. do vou think I can do it? And him one of the airs to a throne “Forget 1t." says Buzz. “There was actres- ses before Princes was even thought of. It's the second oldest profession in the world."” Well, when you belong to a profession as old as that. there's only one answer. So 1| (Continued on page 10