Evening Star Newspaper, June 2, 1929, Page 115

THE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTON, D. _C, JUNE 2 1929—PART 7. “Lmproving Myself IV ith’ a Book™—2By /7 ill Rogers The Author-Comedian Finds That Reading One Book May I.cad to the Reading of Another, and He Delves Into English History. ELL, all I know is just what I read in books. You remember a few weeks ago I was telling you about starting in to improve my- self with some book learning, and 1 started in on that girl’s book, “The Cradle of the Deep.” She was the girl that would just walk up and slap a shark in the face if he started pulling any wise cracks at her. Well, buying that book got me into a book store. Well, I had no idea there was as many books as there must be. Half the world that don't know what the other half is doing, well, they are writing books. Busy men that you would think would have something important to do, have got some book that they have written. Well, I had heard in a roundabout way that Henry the 8th was a-having a revival year, and as I was headed for Hollywood for a couple of years I says to myself I will read about old Henry, and see where all these movie gang got their idea. I knew a little about him, for years ago in Ziegfeld Follies we had a Shakespeare revival. (All the sketches were about things he had written about.) ND Sam Hardy, the fellow that is so good out in talking pictures, he was Henry 8th, and we had six beautiful girls as his wives. Marion Davis, I remember, was cne of them, and she had one line to speak, “And a H-1l of a King was he.” And I always did say I was going to read about this old bird, if Congress and Heflin, and Reed Smoot and his sugar tariff will give me time. There was a fellow named Hackett, they said he had spent practically a lifetime (course, everybody has their own idea of what a life- time in England is) just working on material for this book. Well, I don't know how long he spent. But he sure come out with something. Talk about suppressing books. I would think they would extinguish this one in England. Not because the book is bad, but this old Henry. Why, if the English nobility have gone down in a direct line, and if King Edward and George, and the Prince of Wales are all direct descendants of that old reprobate, I would rise up and say, Folks, you got me wong, I am not of that strain at all. He was no forefather of mine. Why, if somebody told all those things about one of my ancestors, I would take it up with the Al Capone gang and I wouldn’t care how much it cost me to extinguish him. This old Henry was just an old, fat, big- footed, chuckled-headed baby. He had an older brother named Arthur. Oldest brothers got everything in those days, a younger brother was just a Democrat, he had to take what was left. This Arthur wasen't well and he diden’t know much even when he felt good. England wasen’t much of a country. It stood just about like the Red Sox in the American League. They wanted to marry this Prince Arthur off to some- body with a pedigree. They found there had been a filly colt sired in Spain a few years ahead of Arthur, but that whose mating might add to the prestige of a fast-slipping organiza- tion, so they got ahold of Queen Isabella of Spain. There was a King along with her. I think it was Ferdinand. But they kept him sitting on the bench season after season. This Isabella is the one that a man from Italy come up and got her to back the first non-stop flight of the Atlantic. He went in for safety, he wanted a three-motored job, he woulden’t take a chance on one ship going dead on him, so he made her fix him up with three. He missed the whole of the American Continent, but found San Domingo. The next man to find it five hundred years later was Charley Dawes and a commission of financial experts. For Dawes discovery he was made Ambassador to the tea parlor of St. James. Well, this Isabella not only had jewels to pawn to back these cross-country tours, but she had children to distribute around where they would bring in the most revenue. She had landed one in France as a King's wife, and one in Rome (whoever had it that day). When nations in those days had nothing else to do they would take Rome, then sit and pray for somebody to come and take it off their hands. WELL. they had a daughter Catherine, so 4 about the best they could do with her was an offer from England. That was kinder W\ RE ME”BEQ THIS E HENRY “THE Eigy < NO ANCESTOR like slumming, for it didn’t mean much to Spain who was the General Motors in those days. But they sent her over and married her to Arthur, who I think was about fourteen years old. They wanted to get him settled down before he had a chance to start running around too much. Well, Arthur was disgusted with the whole proceedings, and to get even with all of them, he just died. Well, that brought this old, round, fat- headed boy into the proceedings. For a second son in England only has one chance in the world, and that’s for the older one to die. So that was Henry’s first good break early in life. He not only inherited the direct line to the King, but he took over all Prince Arthur's es- tate, including wife. In order for Henry not to marry a widow, they dug up a guy named Woolsey. He was a lobbyist to Rome and the Pope, and anything like old marriage ceremon- ies, or dates or deeds, why he could arrange Branding Hogs. NOW it’s the poor hog that is to be branded. The branding, however, is to foresake the usual methods of the heated iron and will turn to that pride of the sailor, the tattoo. The system is being urged by the Departinent of Agriculture, which points out that this method of marking hogs is easy and inexpensive and gives through life and up until the final dis- membering in the packing plant a certain mark of identification. By means of the tattooing owners will always be able to recognize their stock, and at the packing houses hogs of excep- tional quality or of inferior condition can be traced. There is No Sterling Flatware com- parable in price as heavy in weight as—- Stieff Sterling 6 Silver Mmme/) = Gwst. and change them to fit the times, so he thought of the bright idea of saying that Prince Arthur and Catherine were never married, that it was two other fellows. So Henry took her over. I think he was about twelve. He had to start marrying early, for he had a lot of marrying 10 do. About all you could say for him was that he was big. If he had lived in these days he would have been a wrestler or a doorman outside some New York hotel. Catherine coulden’t speak English and he coulden't speak Spanish, so there was no chance of an argument, His {father, whoever it was, I forget his number (you know, they have numbers on these Kings like they do on race horses), well, I forgot whether it was a George the 7th or Ed- ward the 11th. Well, anyhow, he died, and left voung King Henry a disease in one leg and Cardinal Woolsey. That’s the only two things he willed him. Well, Catherine seemed to have been all right as a wife for a Prince of Wales. But for a King, well, she just wasen't the LR O B T DUR S B R BT B SR BT BTS2 type. No male heir had been born. To have a girl baby in those days was not only a total Joss, but practically a social disaster. It wasen’t that boys were any more comfort to you, but if there was no heir to follow you up the graft might slip out of your families hands and into some other. It was the days of high ideals and square dealing. Well, lookout now, the story is getting hot, Ann Boeyln was a local vamp, and don’t fail to follow up and read how Ann took Henry, She made all the fat go to his head, so don’t fail to read the greatest love, graft, corruption, murders, wars and beheading galore. Remems= ber history in miniature, you don’t have to read. Let me do your learning for you. Re- member 15 minutes every Sunday with Profese sor Rogers, and you will be able to be the life of the party at any Rotary, Kiwanis or Lions luncheon. Remember fext week, Anne, t'o more Katherines and a Jane. (Copyright, 1929.) Why risk silverware and valuables in your home while not in use? 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