Evening Star Newspaper, September 27, 1925, Page 73

THE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTON, D 0., SEPTEMBER 27. 1925—PART 5. Dodging the Dentist, L.uncheon-Club Affairs and Other Diversions It's a Very Long R;de to the D;;ltist’s, While the Patient Hopes He’ll Be Away [ BY NINA WILCOX PUTNAM. S General Grant, the inventor of the Half-smoked Cigar, once said, “I wonder who fills the avities in the teeth of the wind? hat's a good line, and I mean to fight it out, if it takes all Summer!"” Those true words occurred to my other day when I was taking my toothbrush out for its morning exercise and come suddenly upon the place where I hate to brush. 'y srge, that's my husband, ,'honest, 1 simply gotter see the dentist no matter if he has a full houss or 4 aces. And Geo. says, huh, that's a bluff, you have remarked the same thing every day for a coupla months now, by jove T ought to go myself, I be: leve I will get an appointment today. ¥s yes you will, the same as you got it last month,’ vou'll get appointment as_Ambassador to ingland before you'll get one with the dentist of your own accord! And Geo. says for the luvva tripe, Jennle, you Know I &2 a b ¢ man, it ain't y for me 10 get the time to go to the dentist, but Ill go the first chance 1 get. And I says could that go into this years statistics? And he says no, it's a fact Well, I didn't tak t too serious, on account I know Geo. is as scared of the dentist as the monkeys are of Juc Rawlston. In fact, Geo. can't seem to realize where his teeth won't run indefinitely unless he has the car- bon scraped. gets 'em tightened up, the worn parts replaced, and etc, every onct in so often. No, he seems to think where he can climb mountains of corn with 'em, stall them on beefsteaks, wade to the hubs thr welch rarebit and ple, and by giving ‘em a wash and polish onct in a while to keep 'em snappv- looking, why they will remain in run ning order. r I'm out to say that s when he quits laugh- s, he's gonner wake up himself with the kind of eth a person can leave in the dental garage and come back for when the repairs is completed. But I personally myself fully realize where it’s great to have the Kind of a set of teeth you love to touch. Also, that when you don’t have them, it 18 the kind of thing not even your most intimate friends dare to tell you. And et 1 never put off going to the dentist more than a few months after the first time I realize I must go at onee. and_find PV ELL, anyways this day I am talk- ing about, I felt that the sub- t of whether it Is better to suffer in re dentist chalr, or suffer at home, had been In committee long enough. And so, after Junfor had gone off to school, and Geo. had taken the elght- forty-five to town, or it had taken him, whichever is correct, why I went to the phone and looked up Dr. Well in the phone book, and for quite a while T was hopeful I wouldn't be able to find his number. But I come across it just as hope was highest, and with a’voice which I tried to make real strong and brave like a Christian martyr, 1 give the number to Central—Heavens kno she s welcome to of kept it, too! Kinda to my surprise, she did. The line is busy, she and so of course T hung up, and thought well, I will try and @ind time to call him later. But in the meanwhile, T decided I would give that Mabel Bush a ring and see how she was, and did she e any dirt on any of our mutual ends. Also, I wanted to tell her about our car. Only a coupla days before, Mabel was shooting off a lot of technical stuff, telling how she took the best care of her car of any lady in town and knew enough to get the ol in the crank-case changed and most people didn’t realize where that kinda thing prolonged the life of a *bus, and etc. I wanted her to know she didn’t hi nothing on me. So I come on back to the phone and asked for Ma- bel's number, and what would Central give me instead only Dr. Well! The trained-nurse, the white-clad sister who takes care of the patients as they come in, and the impatients as they come out—you know, well anyways; she recognized my volce before I could hang up, and she says why Mrs. Jules, I belleve you already have a appointment for this afternoon at 5! Well, naturally I didn't know was this mental telepathy or George, but it seemed I had a date all right, and the minute I got it, my tooth quit aching. I certainly got to hand it to the Doc. He's good. I never knew it to fall, the mere mention of his name cures ‘any tooth pains on me, all I gotter do Is walk up his front steps, and I don't have a ache. Well, after 1 hung up, I commenced to remember u whole lot of things I really ought .to do this day, see, and the most of them could only be at- tended to around 5 o'clock. But when I called up my dressmaker and told her 5 o'clock would be a good hour for me, she says oh Mrs. Jules, I ain't ready for you yet, please come to- morrow, will you? So I hadder say yes, and called Mrs. Goofnah, the pres. of our Ladles Thursday Club and told her I knew there was a important meeting at 5 and I supposed they couldnt get along without me? But Mrs. Goof- nah says oh that'll be all right dear, we can get along without you per- fectly well, any time you wish. And it was the same everywheres. Even Mabel Bush couldn’t see me, she was going to a pickled Herring festival glven by the Bi Carbonatea, her sorority. SO all day long with nothing else to do, I had a real good chanct to remember the pleasant hours I had | spent in Dr. Well's studio during the | past. He's a real artist, I got to admit, and I have often sung his praises to my friends, you probably know the song, it commences “Oh! you ought to g0 to MY dentist, he's perfectly splendid!” 1 generally sing it about 6 mons. after seeing him, he is one of these people of whom ag they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. But he certainly ls a wonderful dentist, at that. ~He's dlierent to any other I've ever seen, and actually he don’t hurt you & bit except when he’'s hurting you. And clean! Say, when you get into that chalr and he jacks it up to change a_tooth, you'd think you was in the Purity Dairy Lunch, it's so white and sanitary. The only trouble is, when he yells “fore!” you haven't a chanct in the world of getting out of the way. As for his work, it's really remarkable. Why he put a permanent wave in my teeth that lasted for months and you couldn't hardly tell it from ths natural thing. I was simply crazy over it. Another thing I got to hand Dr. Well. He don't take any chances. * x % His father used to work in a peni- tentiary, and I guess he inherits his pop’s talent. Anyways, he handles a chair the same, and when you get in he fixes the headrest wo's the first shock will register good, then he straps you down, and next he turns on the current. He turns it on in the steam drill that he uses for putting rivets In your | tactal structure, but what's the odds, it amounts to the same thing as sud: den death, the main difference s that with the dentist's chair you can come back and do it all over again. Dr. Well is gentle, too, just as gentle as the tamest sort of steam shovel. And when he is gonner put his foot on your chest and delicately grab hold of your left hind wisdom tooth with a nicely polished pair of fire tongs, he always warns you in advance. Now this may hurt a little, he says kindly, but it won'* last more than an hour or two, becuuse I have another patient coming. And after the tooth fs out he al ways give you a drink. It's home- made stuff, he puts up any quantity himself, every year. But the doc isn't lie most people who make their own, he don't expect you to swallow it, he knows you want to spit it out and he ain't offended when you do. At that it {s tastier then a lot of home- brew I been offered. I dunno what he puts in, but it seems to be a kinda combination of soap, peppermint and pink hafr-tonic. I mean the tonfc is pink, not tonic for pink hair. * ok ok ox DUNNO how other people feel, but with me personality has a lot to do with a dentist, and Doctor Well sure has a lovely one. He don't eat onlons only very seldom, mostly on the days I go there, and he's real conge- nial with a hearty laugh which he uses double strength after the stories he tells you while the rubber gloves is on your face. He's that sensitive he realizes where you ain't able to laugh under them circumstances, so he has to laugh for both. He's got a ewell line of stories, and that's where 1 heard the one about the two Irishmen. Also the one about the two fellers who met on the street, and that good one about what Mike says to Pat. The very minute I got home I told them to Geo. I simply had to take it out on somebody. X Really, my dentist’s office is a awful interesting place. Some day I'm gon- ner look through all his cute equip- ment and see can I pick up a good crochet hook. He appears to have them every size. Also butter Knives, sink scrapers and darning-needles. Then he’s got just the kind of monkey wrench we _need for the flivver, and the best looking nutpicks I ever seen | got to the right corner. | says it's all right for you to take his in my life. I bet they would even take the meat out of black walnuts, and I ought to know—they have pretty near dug the soles of my feet out of my back teeth more then once. But with all this, the real pain don't come to Doc. '8 patients in his office. It comes to them through th mail. ‘Well, I got thinking about all this, see, and before 1 realized it, why it was half past 4 o'clock, and time for | me to start if I was to get away over | to Freckles Ave. in time for my ap- pointment. So I give myself one last fond look in the mirror, told Annie Gooch, our cook, where to send for the body, and started out, telling myself where this was certainly the sensible thing to do, it would soon be over and then how much better I would feel, and ete. Geo. had the fllvver in the shop, and 80 I had to either take a trolley or stay home. But no luck, the Grand| Ave. trolleys was still runming, and 1 caught one right away. So there wasn’t nothing to do only get in and read the ads over the seat to keep my mind off myself. I might even of gone past Freckles Avenue, doing this, only some fool women actually wanted to! 8o there and stopped the car when we It's a long ride from our house to Freckles Ave. but the distance ain't nothing compared to ‘the length of the two blocks from the car line to Dr. Well's house. At the pace I went, | it was lucky I was walking, 1 never| could of made it in high in the tin liz, she don't throttle down. But finally 1 got there and somebody’'s hand, mine| I guess, stretched out and rung the door-bell. Well, I waited so long on | that porch I commenced to think dear dear what a pity, I bet nobody is home, what a shame! But I had the wrong dope. The door of doom was opened by Miss White-uniform, the date dame who had me on the phone. Clearly every- thing was up. [ hadder go in. But just as I done so, the nurse handed me a headline. Oh Mrs. Jules, she says, I'm _so sorry, but it seems it was Mr. Jules the appointment was made for, he called up this morning, and I just found out the mistake and had him on the 'phone and he appointment if you like. But I says no, not much, I says, there is nothing selfish about me, I says, I wouldn't dream of depriving my husband of his appointment with Dr. Well, just let me at phone here in five minutes, he told me this morning he was going to the dentist at the first opportunity and I mean to see to it that he makes good! (Copyright. 1025.) Great Problems of Life Submitted Solution to Man Who Knows All BY ED W EAR MR. W I am a hoy 16 years of age. One day last week I took a can of black paint and a brush and w painting the front door, of our house, which was white, with the black paint. My father saw me, made me stop and then_ordered me away from his home. What is wrong with him? Sincerely, z 1. M. BROKE Answer—You say you were painting A white door with black paint and your Father caught you at it and dis owned you. Very simple. He doesn’t want you to darken his doors again. T am blind in one where the Dear Mr. Wynn: eve. T went to a theater price of admission was $4. I told the ticket sel that I should only pay $2 for a ticket as I was blind in one eve and therefore was only able to mee half the show. Wasn't T right? Truly yours, 1 AIR. Answer You were absolutely wrong. The price of the ticket was $4. You wanted to pay only $2 be- cause you say vou would have seen just h 15 you have but one eve. I that t, T mean that v one eye, the ticket seller should “harged you $R (double the price would have taken you twice as to see the whole show long long Dear Mr. Wynn: Can you tell me the origin of the old udage about “Father Makes Hay, SIELD. Answer—It originated in the year 1803. A r farmer, who rajsed ha on a farm in Minnesota, n about 18 years of age who was tired of working for his father, ralsing hay and wheat, and declded to go to New York Cit His father gave him some moner, and on the son’s arrival in New York he had about $24 left. Realizing he could only live for a day on that in New York, the boy invested his money im- mediately. He bought a bootblack tand and started to shine shoes for a living. There's the whole story. The son sta 'w York City shining shoes for his living and the father continued to earn his living, out in Minnesota, raising hay and wheat, s0 you see “The Father Made Hay While the ‘Son’ Shined.” Dear Mr. Wynn: I have a golf CCORDING to a veteran show- man, the tamers of wild beasts use no secret methods or magic spells. In fact, they proceed very much as a child would in taming a wild kitten. If a lion is to be taught to ride on horseback, for instance, it is neces- sary to be patient at first and take a great deal of time. If possible, it is {est to begin when he is young, less than a year old. If he was born in captivity, he is al- ready accustomed to see persons out- !side his cage, but not inside. All his instincts are still fierce. When the trainer first opens the cage door and steps inside the young- ster at once displays fear. He will probably jump at the trainer, snarling savagely, for that is his way of show- ing alarm. The only course that can be pursued is to beat him off with a light club; the first lesson he learns is that it is not safe for him to attack man. Sometimes in his excitement he will make several attacks, one after the other. The trainer merely beats him off, and in the end the young lion retires, snarling, to the far corner of his_cage. The trainer does not follow him, bfit sits down quietly on a box, or a chafr, inside the cage, paying no particular attention to him. He sits there for an hour or two hours, sometimes three hours, at a stretch. This is done to accustom the lion to the presence of a man In his cage, and to wear out his naturai fear and fierceness. This first lesson is repeated on the following |day, and is continued for a week, or perhaps for a month. Next the trainer takes a piece of meat into the cage, and waiting till the lion is hungry offers it on the end of a long stick. Very likely the lion will not touch it at first, perhaps not for many days, or, it he seizes it, his 1 Methods Used in Taming Young Lions. manner will not be such as to indi- cate thankfulness. But by patience and perseverance, he will be induced by and by to come and take his food from the stick, and eventually from the trainer’s hand. Not infrequently he will try to bite the hand that offers the meat, and generally, speaking, it is deemed a signal victory when a young lion will voluntarily approach and take his food from the keeper's hand. Soon after this he will allow the trainer to stroke his head. Toward a stranger he may exhibit nearly or quite as much ferocity as at first. The next step is to put a chain around the young fellow’s neck and lead him about the cage, and most trainers deem it necessary to bind a lion down to the bottom of the cage, once or twice, in order to instill into his naturally intractable mind the fact that human bonds are irresisti- Dle, and that chains cannot be broken. The various feats that go to make up a modern performing lion’s educa- tion are afterward taken up, one by one, and taught gradually. The only “secrets” that the trainer knows are endless patience and oft-repeated les- sons. Needless cruelty is always avoid- ed; nevertheless, it is necessary that lions, as well as tige: leopards and most other wild beast should hold their keepers in fear. Gentleness and kindness alone are not sufficient; these fierce animals must be made to know that their trainer is absolutely their master. It should be added that there is al- most or quite as much difference in young llons as in boys. Some are much more docile and intelligent than others. Some d p good and trust- worthy traits; others prove stolid and can neves be fully trusted, game on for next Tuesday afternoon. 1 play a round in about 137 strokes and my opponent plays the 18 holes in about 153 strokes. How should we arrange the match? Very truly, TKE ANTPLAY. Answer—Judging from your scores 1 should say the best way for you two fellows to play is to play the same as “Pinochle,” 25 cents a hun- dred. Dear Mr. Wynn: I borrowed $300 from a friend of mine last July and 1 am unable to pay him back. He doesn't know it yet. T would like to re- turn it but it doesn’t look as it I will ever give him his $300. What shall I do? I haven't been able to sleep on account of this. Sincerely, A. PAUPER. Answer—The first thing you should do 1s to go to your friend and tell him you will not be able to return his $300. Then he won't be able to sleep, either. Dear Mr. Wynn: I wrote you some time ago to help me solve a “‘Cross ‘Word Puzzie.” I asked you for a 12 letter word meaning “Letter Carrier’ and you said ‘Postman.” The word “Postman” only has seven letters. ‘Where are the other five letters? Truly yours, WIRDFER WORD. Answer—The other five letters are in the postman's Dear Mr. Wynn: I met a young man yesterday at a party. I liked him very much. I asked him his business and he sald he was in the “film” bus- iness. Can you tell me if he means he manufactures "“moving pictures’ or “ladies garmenta?” Yours truly, VIRGINTA REEL. Answer next week. TlFDPV:{YNN. (Covsrient. 10355 ¢ ! at tele- | and T will have Mr. Jules out | | pleasant dream about kissing games What Gets to Hard-Listening Member Through Static of the Luncheon Club BY STEPHEN LEACOCK. OW that the bright tints of autumn are appearing on the trees, the season for the luncheon_ clubs is opening up again. Personally I think our luncheon clubs are one of the most agreeable features of modern city life. I have belonged to several luncheon clubs in our town ever since they started, and I never miss a lunch. When I look back to the time when men used to be satisfied to sit down all alon& In front of a beefsteak and a bottle of Budwelser with oniy just some apple ple and a cup of coffes and a cigar after it, and without sing ing a note all through—I don't see how we did it. Now, it I can’t sing a little as I eat, and call “hear, hear” every now and then, I don’t feel as if 1 could digest properly. So when I offer a few suggestions about our luncheon clubs I don't want to be misunderstood. 1 am not criticizing but merely pointing out how we can make them brighter and better still. Take the singing. After all, quite frankly, do we need to sing at lunch? Our clubs—and, I think, the clubs in most other towns, too—generally sing very glow, dragging melodies such as, “The day is past, the o« SUB . . . s . . . set . . " The effect of that kind of -tune as intoned by a hundred men with a pound-and-a-quar- ter beefsteak adjusted in each of them (126 1bs. total dead-welght of music) is, very frankly, mournful. It sounds to me like the iast of the Tasmanian Islanders leaving home. Or else we sing negro melodies. But why should we? Or we sing “Annie Laurie.” Who was she, any- way? In fact, to be quite candid, I can eat lunch splendidly without ask- ing to be carried back to Tennessee, or offering to lay me down and die. either on the banks of the Doon or anywhere else. Without the singing there could be a pleasant atmosphere of quiet which is now missing. Take as another slight point of criticism the chairman'’s speech intro- ducing the speaker. There I do think a decided improvement could be made by cutting out the chalrman’s remarks altogether. They are misleading. He doesn't state things as they are. He | always says: “Today we are to have a rare treat in listening to Mr. Nut. I need not offer any introduction to this_audi- ence for a_man like Mr. Nut. When we learned that Mr. Nut was to ad- dress us we felt that the club was fortunate indeed.” Now if the man told the truth whdt he would say would be this: entlemen, I am sorry to announce that the only speaker we have been able to secure for today is this poor fillul’! ' it “IF THE CHAIRMAN TOLD THE TRUTH HE WOULD SAY, ‘GEN TLEMEN, I AM SORRY TO ANNOUNCE THAT THE ONLY SPEAK- WE'VE BEEN ABLE TO SECURE IS THIS POOR SIMP WHO IS SITTING BESIDE ME."” simp who is sitting beside me, Mr. Nut. You never heard of him before, gentlemen, but then neither did your committee. But we have hunted everywhere for a speaker, and we sim- ply can't get any except this guy that you see here. e is going to talk to yvou on ‘Our Trade Relations with Ni- caragua.’ “I am well aware, gentlemen, that this subject seems utterly without in- terest. But it appears to be the only subject about which this poor shrimp knows anything. So I won't say any more—I'll let you judge for your- selves what you are going to get. Mr. Nut.” Then, of course, there Is the vital question of whether, after all, a lunch- eon chib needs to listen to speeches Could it not perhaps fulfill its func- tlons just as well if there was no ad- | Self a3 rough dress at all? The trouble is that one never gets time to study up the ques- tion beforehand and the recollection that is carried away by what the speaker said s too vague to be of any use. I will give as an example my own recollection, as far as it goes, of the address that we had at our club last week, to which I have just referred, on the subject of our “Trade Re tions with Nicaragua.” { the Let me say at the start that I am not quite clear whether it was Nica- ' ragua or Nigeria. The chairman seemed to say Nicaragua, but 1 un- derstood the speaker once or twice to say Nigeria. I tried to find out afterward from other members of the club whether it was Nigeria or Nicaragua. But they didn’t seem to care. They hear 80 many people lecture on so many queer places that it runs off them fact, I felt very much like the darky. This old dar lows the story of has been told to six explorers two clergymen Tt will just ahout stand r print, but not ¢ that ‘when_the a T we are going of the memby But even | tion, there add are, it mation. But you can't s too much c You Here is wha as I could, from t I am speaking. “Probably ver what a vast count geria, is. It ext didn't catch it) to quite sure, and it « of a million or I miles. The princips logwood or been deady o ses didn’t quil The in | st or t globe. few gl { plainly the interi is dense m Nigeria n | elimat civilizat are worth carry away : And anyway getting too hig men IS t0o m: As a n like water. Only a few meetings be- fore they had heard a man talk on | “8ix Weeks in Bangkok,” and right after that another man on ‘‘Seve | pact lunc be b | table can @ | themselve Weeks in Pongo Pongo,” and the very | next week after that the address was called “Eight Weeks in Itchi-Itchi.” But let it go at Nicaragua, beca it 1s really about the same. Befo the speaker began to say anything about Nicaragua itself, or Niger! self as the case may be, he a sort of introduction the speakers seem to go over ame ground in begin to write this particular in down from memory but I am not su that I have it correctly. It seemed to run as follows I feel very much honored in being asked to address this club. is an honor to address this club. And I feel that addressing this club is an honor. When wer I could address this club about. In I was invited to ad-| dress this club I tried to think what | among am not would be { this day and cor You can hav Indeed better I 1 | g00a wz BY RING LARDNER. O the editor: Some weeks ago I see in the paper where & woman was sewing her hus- band for a bill of divorce on the grounds that he was o rapped up in his work that he could | not forget same but brought it home | with him and though his hours was | only from § in the a.m. ull 6 in the| evening he was so in the habit of working that he kept it up after he was off duty and in fact every min- ute of the day and night even wile he was asleep. It is of coursé a common occurence for women to give their husband the air because the last named won't work at all or at lease not enough, but the troubles of the wife referred to above seemed kind of out of the or- dinary at first. What made it extra unbearable for the plaintiff was the fact that her man was employed as a caller in a subway station and in- stead of indulging in the usual quiet land affectionate dialogue as would befit man and wife at the supper table or in the library, their home life con- sisted in him shouting all the time at the top of his voice and she could not make head or tafls of a single word he shouted. It become a &pe- clally grewsome and disguesting in thg middle of the night when she would just be commencing to enjoy a she had competed in as a child when she would be roused suddenly by him bellowing some such ghastly verbage as “Grnnmhultgam Brahgi! Gelgrmte Boonset:” She had no idear that this is a caller’s droll way to saying “Ex- press to 180th street and Bronx Park. As this case seemed so out of the ordinary I talked it over with several of my boy friends and one of them, Casper Heffel, stated that they wasn't nothing so unusual about it and per- sonly he was afflicted the same way himself and had been all his life though engaged in different occupa- tions than the hero of the newspaper article. As a youth he had been a bell hop in the Fireproof Hotel at Green River, Wyo., and his parents used to lick him up every night when he come home and walked into one room after another paging strange people with names that sounded like Bllkiy and J. F. Tkiwop. He finely quit hopping bells'and become a book- keeper and got marred and his wife did not object much to his eccentric- ities at home on acct. of them not being very troublesome, in fact they merely consisted in him always wear- ing a alpaca coat and setting on a high stool. Some of his friends who come to dine at his house joke him on how funny he looks on a_ high stool with the rest of them in dining goom chairs and how odd for him to ways wear alpaca whether the rest Milk Versus Water. HAT milk is not equal to water as a steam-producing agent was once demonstrated in a rallway in New York State. The chief flgure in the story was passenger train No. 10. This train left Cincinnatus at 7:30 one morning, and was due in Syracuse an hour and a half later. It stopped at the water pump in Cincinnatus for & supply of water. The water was pumped from a creek through a milk depot by the same pump, it seems, that was used to force milk into the large vats. The fireman, a new employe, set the pump going and, after taking aboard what he deemed a sufficient quantity of water, stopped the pump and the train started. The steam dropped rapidly, and such a sputtering began about the gage that the engineer became alarmed, and at Freetown telegraphed to the train dispatcher at Syracuse that his engine had gone wrong and requested that an extra be sent to haul his train to the end of the run. This was done, and the rejected en- gine was sent to the yards for inspec- And That's All. Terrence—What do you know about Czechoslovakia? Clarence—Well, it is hard to say. tion. There it was discovered that the boller was filled with milk instead of water. The fireman supposed that he must have ‘connected up Wwrong" somehow, and pumped milk instead of water Into the botler. Some Hard-Working People Are Unable To Forget Business When the Day Ends HE INCOURAGES OTHER DINERS TO THROW PLATES AND CO- MESTIBLES SO AS HE CAN CATCH THEM. of the folks is in dinmer clothes or a sport sult, but he does not mind their kidding and claims to lead a satisfactory domestic life. In my conversation with Casper he went on to say that he had long been interested in this very topic and had engaged in considerable correspond- ence in regards to same with some friends of his named Legion both in New York and various parts of the country and found that the failing it such it _could be called is very com- mon. He pointed out the case of Dantel McCafferty of Chicago a trafic policeman. During the hours when McCafferty is away from home on his job the rest of the McCafferty family live like other people, but the minute Dan comes home everythirz changes and the domestic activities is made to conform with the traffic laws of the Windy Cit. Like for example neither Dan's wife or none of his kiddies or their Aunt Leona who lives with them can walk east and west across the living room or any other room till Dan has blowed his whistle to indicate that WHEN DAN COMES HOME THE DOMESTIC ACTIVITIES IS MADE TO CONFORM WITH THE TRAFFIC LAWS OF THE WINDY CITY. east and west traffic has the right of way. When any of the folks disobeys this rule Dan gives them a terrible bawling out and tries new swear words on them which if same makes the victims cringe or cry he will use {same on his regular customers the following day. He is particularly bit ter if he catches any of his kiddies setting in a chair reading a book for more than a half hour at a time which he claims is a violation of the parking laws. Another sample is found in the per- son of Freddie Bishop the well known big league ball player. He is so en thralled with the national that he “plays” it 24 hours per day. ‘When he gets home after the game he 1walks into the front hall like any other home comer, but just before he gets to the hat rack to hang up his things he begins to slide. In fact whenever he gets near whatever piece of furniture he is headed for. he leaves his feet and approaches it with a slide, =ometimes a hook slide and sometimes face forward. During meals he is constantly throwing plates and comestibles at other diners and encourages them to throw them back so as he can either try to catch them or hit them with a tablespoon or knife which he calls his Bat. Bishop's entire conversation at home consists in such phrases as “Heads up,” “That a boy,” “I've got lll," “Get your eyes open, you big stiff,” ete. Still another criterion is Ethan Kil- foyl, a member of the Denver fire de- partment. This man never patronizes the stairs at his home, but always slides down on a rod. He always dresses by a stop watch even when he is dressing to go to a dance and if he don’t dress quicker every time than he dressed’ the last time he strips himself and tries it over. “In this way 1 often miss the first dance,” he says, “but heigh ho.” Other instants I might mention is that of a caddy in Los Angeles who annoys his parents excessively by al- ways looking under rags, carpets, plates, tablecloths, beds, piano, ete.. for golf balls, and a contractor in Win- netka, Illinois, that has had a rivet- ing_machine installed in his bedroom 80 he can sleep nights, and last but not lease a physician in St. Louis who is s0 tender hearted that his pa- pastime | A Modest Hero. ALT”()[( <X Jife-sav consta casional that they the recc These are warded of the G of one such deed Between r August n ricane that coast broke but the e the {he w dune to av wreckage floa omewhere ou |rage and tumuit {of his beat Midgett 1l his horse and, ru edge, caught sigt |which the seas we |stern he saw u gether. The s To Midge! {that the wreck would r | He surveyed tt |cided that_the |offshore. Using 1 {phone, he shouted t {fast. One, in deliriu |sea and swam into |Instantly the foa {The deadly undt | suck both to destr | Dragging his bur, | Midgett ph o |sea, and swooning sa Five ed this feat. The | out that three men, | wreckage, swam ¢ {managed to cr who had broken sy seamen, less se helped to swim ashore Dy surfman. Then leaving the ten battered, hel; less hulks of men to lie breathless the sand, Midgett rode threc mile: |the s for aid “We men of the station case of stark insan and we have s But ten, I {men up the e story, and the Governme that Midgett But_there is still another nected with the medal. When {been granted and engraved. |ot officials went down |to present it. They made of eulogistic re Midget, and the with due ceremo: gave him the medal Midgett, blushing and digging his 1o floor, then made his 1 “Why, 1 ain't done like a_schoolgirl ervously into the sponse. It was; anything?" Cloud Turrets. A scientific explanation of the con nection between the imposing masses of cumulus clouds, piled up in aspiring | white turi which called “thunder heads,” and tt proach of a thunderstorm is offe a recent report on cloud studies mude fovernment sclentist ppears t the form of cloud turreted cumulus is n com- mon when there rapid vertical decrease of temperature in the upper air, combined with heating at the ground, which favers the ascent of columns or air to great heights, and that is, at the same time, w condition favorable to thunderstorms. are popu of st