Evening Star Newspaper, May 24, 1925, Page 75

. telling him t [ George and His Wif BY NINA WILCOX PUTNAM. S Shakespere, the Boy Wonder who put Bacon and Hard Boiled Literary Eggs on the map, so truly said, “If at first you don't succeed, try and get somebody else to do it.” And this has always struck me as particularly true where mapping out a ideal Summer vacation is con- cerned. In other words, if you have heen trying to fix up a_good time for the family and found it trying, vhy lay off trying so hard. The other evening I and George, that's my husband, was talking about the as per see above, and 1 says to him, well George, 1 says, there is no use talking about I and Junior going away and leaving you this vear, on account I can’t endure to ihink of you all alone in the 1louse with no beds made or dishes washed, and with the only real evidence of human life going on here consisting of the remains of a few dear dead poker games with cockroaches ramp- ing over the ruins. No Geo. I says, T don't care if it is a little warm here, I and Junior will sacrifice our- selfs Well then Geo ain’t you really going no place? And I says well we will take a little trip maybe, but believe you me, Geo. I ain't gonner spend another Summer like I done last year, and Geo. for once says well, he don't blame me. Last year we had took a cottage together with that Joe Bush of the Hawthorne Club and his wife up to ke che, which is a In- n name for Land of The Long Spaghetti. But from our experience there it had ought to of been named Land of The Living Grape-fruit, what with the behavior of that Bush woman and her better 4, and since that time I ain't been just sure if they got their name from these Bush leazuers you hear about or from the wild Australian bushmen, the ones that makes a specialty of reducing their friends to pin heads by some secret proce Well, not doing the dishes or the honors, which was supposed to be even, or keeping a eye on a friend’s child is no secret process. That Mabel Bush neglected to do all them thi quite openly, with the met result, of course, 1 realized we was a coupla weak heads ever to of gone into a shared cottage. Hot Bozo, there was nothing shared about the place, I had it all, Mabel seen to that, she was prac- s house guest. to myself nix, n prefer the hot husband’s 7 day per to that again. nsist on says kinda feeble, nd week company But just in 1 and Junior & ild's accou sent_inquiries few places w 't over se twelve hrs. away, that could easy run up on the w and have a hour or so wiht it wasn't long before a bunch of cata- logues commenced giving the mail man a reason for stopping at our house mornings without waiting for | the first of the month. | Well, T always did like to read, and | the hotel companies’ literature saved me many a nicKel for boo our library. But like a whole lot of novels, the books them fellers got out had the same plot when it come to “H They all sa ‘Terms upon appli- cation” and that had me worried. On account if them terms was of the kind that had to have a application, whether a wet dressing or a mustard plaster, put on the spot on the pocket- book that was about to receive the fatal injury, why I realized where I had really ought to spend the money on that wisdom tooth of mine I had been stalling about instead. The den- tist would at least give me gas before the operation. Then quite to the other hand and aside from all financial prejudices, it was pretty near impossible for any person to resist the beauties, natural and otherwise, of, for a sample, Poo- chound Bay, where according to the pictures, huge catches of dog fish could be easily had by the enterprising angler from the ocean or from the local fish market, as preferred. Also it was a great plac: for mothers to take marriageable daughters to, at least so I judged from one cut where four fellers with fish poles was stand- ing in a row and underneath it says “One day’s catch.” Of cou Poochound Bay is in s only fair of the hotel ing beach in action on the cover, at least that's what it looked to be, and in fact the whole book was so attrac- tive I showed it to Geo. and I and he *had pretty near decided we might try the place out if it wasn’t too fat when the very next day we got another book, and it upset our mind, and we left Kennell House at Poochound Bay | just whera we found it. Well anyways, from Takealook this new leaflet was Inn up on Mount terms. Determandly, the Climbers Paradise. to show a photo of a California bath- | e Condemn All the Conditions of Last Summer Unusual Wisdom in Making Up Their Minds. O, FISH MARKET, AS PREFERRED.” The management claimed there was more shooting and bass fishing in this district than anywheres else about. But it was this chapter discouraged me from sending them any question- naire, on account anybody which they have lived near a big city, why they hear about shootings enough, and as for bass, I prefer a tenor any day. By this time George had got real enthusiastic over a Summer change, but being kind of conservative, the same as most men, he sent and got a catalogue, or illustrated menu, from Stermy Point. We had been there once before, but instead of a stern and rock-bound coast like we had expected, it turned out to be a rear and hide-bound back- from-the-shore last resort, and the only stormy point we ever noticed about it was the charge for extras when we come to pay the bill. Well naturally Geo. wanted to g0 there just because he had been, and he claimed it had one great, natural advantage over the other places, which was to say we would know the worst before we started. But I pointed out where quite to the other hand, if you was headed for a un- known strange place, vou would at least have the pleasure of figuring on a perfect paradise while the jour- ney lasted. Hot Bozo! It sure is harl to make a choice where every prospectus pleases and only the expense is vile. Just as soon as we was settled on one place, another would pop up looking a lot better. Such as when we had practically written for reservations at House Valley, where they advi 19-hole golf course with a person’s fa- D) JGE CATCHES OF DOG FISH COULD BE EASILY HAD FROM THE OCEAN OR FROM THE LOC. vorite tea on the first 18 and a sig- nificant silence on the last. Well anvways, as I was telling, we had pretty near decided to take a chance there when Dr. Salary come out on the train with Geo. and told him all about the Deer River district up in Canada. It was situated some place within the Province of the Law, and the doc told George how there was every kind of game up there from dominos to moose and pink elephants, and you could get a tremendous change by going. George being terrible hard to in- fluence like most strong men, was at once all in favor of this, but I didn't like that word dear, and as for the big heap pile of change, I give a pretty good guess where the most notable change George would be likely to get was gonner be repre- sented by what was left out of the last dollar bill he had when we turned our nose towards home. Of course, I don't like to body by ignoring them, so while I vas picking up folders and writing to hotels, 1 thought it was only fair to give some of the big swell places a chance to state their feeling about us running out and spending a few weeks. But so far as I got answers at all, they didn't appear to have any feelings, and as for spending, well, most of them at Newport, Bellport, Atlantic Citv and all points to the one same moral, why apparently it was nothing on their cash balance whether we spent a coupla weeks with them or a coupla million dollars. The stock reply I gof out of that gang was to the effect “full for the season.” And naturally if they was hurt no- Mash Notes From Admiring Populace Not Reserved Entirely for Movie Folk kill, ot went the way of all flesh as long BY RING LARDNER. the Editor: I suppose the public in a fever to know whether we literary fellows 2 some calls us is ever the re- pient of mash notes such as 1s sent in car load lots to stage and screen b uties like Martha Lorber, Mary Eaton, Johunie Dooley, Pola Negri, the Marquise de la Falaise de la_Coudray and Ben Turpin. Well friends I hope you won't think 1 am overstepping the holy bonds of modesty when I tell you that we boy gets fully as many perfumed missives as the above and about the only dif- ference between their letters and ours that ours generally always is scented with eau de garlic and the writers of same is too bashful to sign their names to them. Just this wk. I recd. a billet doux from an anonymous admire in Kan- sas City who I have often heard from Rim before though his letters alwa) comes addressed to Long Neck, Great Island, which is just one of his com- ical liftle touches, but I will copy off a part of this latest one as you can all share the thrill which a person can’t help from feeling when strangers gushes over them, and will siate that all his letters reads pretty near alike 80 that when vou read the following you will get the gen. drift of our epistolary_courtship. Lard Greaser,” is what your name ought to be Lard Greaser because you are about as cute and smart as a greasy tub of lard. This is a fine country where they shoot a man like Lincoln and let vou live. They ought to put the man in jall for life who ever told you vou could write. Why don't you go back to Niles where vou belong?" That i portion of my Mis- souri worshipper's latest enconjum and they’s more to it including a few words which become popular during the Great War and which I ain't al: towed to use except in the privacy of my own home. As I say, this baby don't sign his name or give me his address so they ain't no way of me his love is requited, and I do back Niles, Mich., every time I get a excuse and would stay there if the folks did not know me too well. But one of the most heart rendering notes that ever reached the under- signed was reed. wile T was working in Chicago and which I have kept all these to read once in a wile as a sort of a antidote when T get to feel- ing too good. They ain’t much to this one so I will copy it down verbatim word for word: “I have been a constant reader of your articles but no more, you was o is he writes. at “JUST THIS WK. I RECEIVED A BILLET DOUX FROM AN AD. L MIRE IN KANSAS CITY.” “AS FAR AS MY FT. IS CONCERNED, I ADMIT THEY AIN'T NEVER __CAUSED ME TO BE CONFUSED WITH A CHINESE CHORUS GAL.” pointed out to me yesterday at the coliseum, how can any one live with a face like yrs and what a pair of feet, they look more like a barge, where do you ever get shoes big enough. I use to enjoy your articles but cant read them no more knowing what you look like.”” This note of course was also un- signed so I couldn’t call the party up and make a engagement with him and maybe prove to him that whoever was pointed out to him as me was not me at all but a hideous mistake. As a matter of fact I had been at the coliseum on the day referred to, the occasion being a kind of reception in honor of moving picture stars and maybe I looked less handsomer than usual an acct. of the contrast with F. X. Bushman who was on display that day or because 1 was escorted by the fair Mae Tinee, far more beau- tiful than any of the idols of the screen. But in justice to myself will state that as recently as the night of the Dempsey-Firpo fight 1 was mistaken by a waiter for What's-his-name Ma- reno and that was 5 or 6 yrs. after the Chicago episode and when age had added lines and subtracted hair. As far as my ft. is concerned wile I admit they ain’t never caused me to be confused with a Chinese chorus gal, still and all I can go into any shoe store and buy a pair of 10 and a ! 1% C last shoes and wear them with- out no panic from overcrowding and when you compare my dogs with those mastiffs which transports Heywood Broun or Jess Willard acrost a ball rm. floor why you won't wonder that the little woman sometimes addresses me by the alias of Cinderella. Any way, I ain’t never wrote my stuff with my ft. but with my hands Which T don't hardly ever get & mani- cure but what the artiste gasps at their sheer beauty before she sets to work to embellish them. Sport writers probably receive more mash notes like the above than any other form of literati. If words could old Hughey Fullerton would ago as 1911, when he predicted in the public prints that the Athletics would make a monkey of the Giants in the world series of that Fall and at least 50 per cent of the Giants took pen in hand to call him every- thing they could thinl of and to promise him violence if they ever had the pleasure of meeting him face to face. A similar shower bouquet of raspberries is mailed to Henry Grantland Rice whenever it becomes necessary for him to forecast a de- feat for Yale. The athletes themselves is often terribly displeased with what is said about them in the papers, but hardly ever to the extent of writing letters to the one who has give them offense. That would be too tough a job. It's bad enough to half to write to your Mrs. once a wk. and exclaim why you ain't sent her her share of your last pay check. No, the atheltes generally make their threats verbally, but the re- sults is about the same as is showed in the following typical incidence of more than 15 yrs. ago. Rube Waddell had been suspended for the usual cause by the St. Louis Browns and the fact was recorded by Jim Crusinberry of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. “Wait till I meet that Crusinberry!” said Rube to everybody who would listen. “I'll break him right in two!” Well Rube was finally reinstated and encountered Jim in_a hotel in Washington. “Hello, Jim,” said Rube. “Have a cigar.” Footwear Styles of 1850. FORGOTTEN sealed shelf in a Liberty, Mo., shoe store disclosed 20 pairs of shoes, never worn, that had been in there since 1850. The dainty dancing slippers that twinkled in and out from under a hoopskirt and the sturdy shoes with copper toes for boys were among the interesting specimens that will be placed on exhibition as a sample of the old-time shoemaker's art. “High Dome” Finnegan Proves Skeptical Regarding Claims of This Occupation or Recreation To Be Called a Sport. BY SAM HELLMAN. HAT do you say to a lit- tle fishing trip?” I in- quires of “High Dome’ Finnegan. “Not me,” growls he. “I wouldn't eat fish on a bet; besides I buy it when I crave it.” “What,” I wants to know, “is eat- ing fish gotta do with catching 'em? I've seen you shooting dice, but I ain't never seen you making a meal offa ‘em. Don't you enjoy the sport?” “If fishing’s a sport,” sneers “High Dome,” ‘“fertilizer’s perfume.’” “What is i I asks, “if it ain’t & sport?” ““Well,” returns Finnegan, ‘‘from my experience with the gentle arts of tow- ing worms around in the drink I'd say that fishing is a cross between flirting with pneumonia and _trying to keep a date with delirilum tremens. Remember that party 1 went with last Summer out on the sound?” vs 1, “what about it?” hat day,” comes back “High ain’t been able to look a fish in the gills. It makes me shud- der even to see a sardine can.” “How come?” I inquires, sympa- thetic. “Let me tell you all about it,” says Finnegan, “and if you can call fish- ing a sport after I gets done you can Just as easy call an Alabama cotton picker a beautiful Swedish blond. In the first place, ‘Ping’ Grogan, who en- gineered the outrage, dragged me outta the hay at 5 a.m. to stari on (13 I exclaims, “‘what were you doing in bed that eaWy?” “All the places were closed,” snaps “High Dome,” “and 1 wish you'd do the same with that fly-trap of yours and listen to me. It's raining when we starts out and I'm for calling the party off, but ‘Ping’ tells me that right after a rain the fishing’s so good you gotta surround yourself with chicken wire to keep the brutes from jumping that kind of places, which I have always heard it was true of the idle rich and in fact about their only activity, why I and my family wasn't going no place near them, even if the answer had been 3 tickets, com- vlimentary for the Summer months. Of course, by this time I and Geo. had got over the stage where we was having very much fun about where would we go this Summer, and Geo. had come to only one final decision, which was to sav that he wouldn't under no circumstances allow me to stay home, it was gonner be hot enough without that, he wanted a little peace and quiet, and I would haf to decide pretty quick if T would pull a Mohammed and go to the mountains or contract for a room and bath near any ocean I preferred to name. But I couldn't make up my mind which. ‘And then one evening when, it being a kind of chilly one, I and Geo. had made a nice fire in the parlor outa all the hot Summer literature we had rec’d and was sitting in front | of it real cozy, when what would ring only the telephone bell, and when I answered it there was that Mrs. Joe Bush, the one we had mis.spent the Summer with so enjoyably for the landlord last vear, and believe you me, last year was certainly the way I had felt at the time. Hello dearie, says Mabel Bush, is w0 ABOUT 15 MIIL HERE WE HIRES A THROUGH THE RAIN TO THE BOAT FOR 25 SMACKERS FOR into the boat and biting your ears off. So 1 grabs my hook, line and sinker and a couple of hottles of prewar—" Pre what war!” T cuts in. The next We drives that you dearie, this is Mabel speak ing, she says, say do you know, she E Joe and I have been wrestling over where will we take our vacation this Summer and we can’t seem to think of any place. 1 was crazy to stay home with Joe, but he won't let me, she say: | Well Mabel, T says, you certainly said something then, I say any body would be crazy to stay home | with that husband of yours, and I guess the same goes with me, at least I feel so after the way he has made me get a whole lot of leaflets | and folders from resorts and now all | he does is burn them up Well, says Mabel, there is no use, Jennie Jules, in leaving them thin to the men, we have got to make up | their minds for ourselves. she says, | and T got an idea where it might be | a fine thing if we was to take that | cottage up to Lake Wassapagache, | the one we had last Summer, we | could take it together, she says, and | the men could come up week ends. | And I was so glad to have some- | body know what they wanted that I says sure, fine, 1 and you will do the work and work the dues, as you | say, and hand the same in, believe | you me if our husbands don’t know | what they want now, they will by the | time we are packing up to come home. (Copyright. 1925 | British fleet | cuckoo rain to the sound, where we hires a boat for 25 smackers for the da; “What'd you hire?” I inquires, “the “High Dome,” “just an ordinary scow, but dont get no ideas that the rent of that raft was all the expenses we had on that trip. The bait alone run us about 20 seeds more."” “What were you using?’ I asks. “Humming birds’ tongues or pate de fois gras? For 20 buck could buy “‘Be _yourself, “High Dome;" fish with no worm “Weakfish!” I snee ope,” returns interrupt get no weak: “Coward Finnegan. ¥ 4 they is any- thing weak & a_ weakfish except- ing the hi of the bimbos that' to ‘em _you're twice as I think ybu are, which is just half as cuckoo ou actually is. They is called weakfish on the ac. count of aving weak chin: that's all. The hook tears right outia their mouths when vou starts pulling ‘em in and it takes lotta science to get one of them babies on board.” “Make good eating?” I inquires. do 1 know snaps “High “Well, we buys about half barrel of shrimps and > middle of the when the n of the scow star dumping 'em overboard. 1 asks the bozo if he's sorry for the poor things or something and he tells me that 's just chumming.” Who with?” I wants to know. sooner out plains Finnegan. “I finds the idea of this weakfishing game is td throw about $8 worth of shrimpg overboard, which attracts the attens tion of about $3 worth of weakfish Then you let your line float out with the tide and after you've unwound about a mile of it you maybe gets a bite. “With,” T suggests, “an accent 01 the ‘mayte.’ - s “High Dome,” a bite all right, but the ‘may in with the weakfish. You s water’s all full of sea robins an Kinda fish that you wouldn’t feed td a hog that you were mad with, and our hook with the shrimps on it in't no sooner oserboard than them scavenger boys just bite the bait oft and go on their way. Then it takes you an hour to find out that you'rd fishing with just a hook.” “Thy s ou’ didn’t catch none?” “I don't mind telling you in confi: dence, kid,” whispers Finnegan, “that I ain't never even seen a_dictionary that had a picture of one in it. The captain of the ow takes us to difs ferent places where he says we id sure of catching some, but we don't have no luck, despite the fact that every boat around us is pulling 'em in by the gross lots.” “What was the trouble?” I asks “I don’t know,” returns ‘High Dome,” “and neither did the skipper. “Man and boy,’ he says at every spot we come to, ‘T been fishing these here waters and this is the first time in 40 years I ain’t caught no fish." “‘Let’s go over there, I'd coma back, pointing out a spot, ‘thar’s gold in them mountains.’ But there wasn't and after a while the captain savs we'd better try to get some sea bass. Chev're good eating, aren't they?" I inquire: “How do T know?” scowls Finnegan. “We tried for an hour or so to gral off some of them sea bass and finally the captain says: Well, T'll see that you boys don't £0 home empty handed. We'll go over near the shore where the bottom sandy and pull in 40 or 50 fluke They're not so game, but they're a great pan fish.’ " “Are they?” T asks Finnegan. “How do I know?" snarls “High Dome.” *“After a couple of hours of sitting around and not ting no nearer a fluke than near beer gets to r we decides to call it a day. I'm out u gel under the skin?" ad a few drinks.” admits Fin negan, “and seeing they were no more left we starts for home. About a mil from the shore a squall hits us—the first time the captain ’'d seen one in |them parts for 40 years—a rns the boat over on its ears. dumped into the water 2 sure gone to Davy Jones' lock-up i {it wasn't for the facts that they were some other boats around us. They { pulls us in and you should of seen me three weeks later when I pulled through the pneumonia. Fishing a | sport, huh?” “Forget it,” says I. “You just had some bad breaks. Come along with me and I'll promise you a good time. “Sorry,” returns “High Dome,” “bu I promised ‘Ping’ Grogan I'd go alon with his gang. They tell me the weakfish are biting great in the sound. The Present Appalling Mania for Work And the Question of the Empty Stomach BY STEPHEN LEACOCK. OMETHING is happening, I re- gret to find, to the world in which we used to live. The poor old thing is being “speeded up.” There is “efficiency” in the air. Offices open at 8 o'clock. Mil- lionaires lunch on a baked apple Bankers eat less than that. A col lege president has declared that there are more foot pounds of energy in a glass of peptonized milk than in some- thing else, I forgot wha All this is very fine. Yet somehow I feel out of it. My friends are fail- ing me. They won't sit up after mid- night. They have taken to sleeping out of doors, on porches and per- golas. Some, 1 understand, merely roost on plain wooden bars. They rise early. They take deep breathing. They bathe in ice water. They are no_good. This change, I am sure, is excellent. It is, I am certain, just as it ought to be. I am merely saying, quietly and humbly, that I am not in it. I am being left behind. Take, for ex- ample, the case of work. In my time one hated it. It was viewed as the natural enemy of man. Now the world has fallen in love with it. My friends, I find, take their deep breathing afd their porch sleeping because it makes them work better. They go for a week's vacation in Virginia not for its own sake, but be- cause they say that when they get back, they can work better. I know a man who wears very loose boots because he can work better in them, and another who wears only soft shirts because he can work better in a soft shirt. There are plenty of men now who would wear dog harness if they thought they could work more in it. 1 know another man who walks away out into the country every Sun- day; not that he likes the country; he wouldn't recognize a bumble bee it he saw it; but he claims that if he walks on Sunday his head is as clear as a bell for work on Monday. Against work itself, I say nothing. But I sometimes wonder if I stand alone in this thing. Am I the only person left who does hate it? Anna Case Talks About Cost BY ANNA CASE. T is pleasant to sit back and think over the many elements of good fortune which have been inci- dental to my career in the musi- cal world. Reviewing the past, I have been very fortunate. My life seems more like a fairy tale, “a great adventure,” than a succession of solid realities. Of all the happy sequences of good fortune I have encountered I think the one for which I have most to congratulate myself was the ab- sence of present-day high costs of everything connected with a musical education when I started out. Certainly there are few singers who attain musical experience with smaller expenditure of money. Today it all seems to have been one of the impos- sibilities of attainment actually re- alized. At my beginning I could not have paid even a moderate amount for study. My people were nearly all en- dowed with musical talent, but any possibility of providing me with means of securing a musical education was lacking. Such musical ability as I ss must have been l‘nlllarlte;l. fltcu' my father had a bass voice of fine Suality, my mother a beautiful so- prano, and my uncle was one of the best natural tenors I have ever heard. For myself, I possessed an ambition for singing from childhood. I remem- ber frequently saying, perhaps as a childish plea, “I shall die if I can not sing.” One day I repeated this to the proprietor of a store where I had gone to get some groceries, and he said: , why don’t you study sing- ing’ “Where could I get the money?” I replied, and he didn't say anything more. The next time I went to the store his wife spoke to me about studying music, and I replied that I had no money. 5 “Well, perhaps,” she replied, “my husband might help you.” And she went on to say that in Som- merville, a neighboring town, were two ladies who taught singing, and she invited me to go to one of them, adding that her husband would pay for a few lessons to determine whether or not I had a real voice. This sent me to Miss Katherine Up- dyke, who gave me vocal tuition for 75 cents a lesson. After a little while Miss Updyke took me to her teacher, Mme. Renard, who, after a notable operatic and concert career, was teaching voice in New York City. Mme. Renard helped me wonderfully in every possible way, and until her death remained my teacher and de- voted friend. One evening I sang at a reception, and was heard by Gov. Stokes of New Jersey. He was very kind, and after- ward secured an engagement for me to sing at musicals at the Bellevue- Stratford in Philadelphia. ke HORTLY after I received a letter from the Metropolitan Opera Co. in New York saying that their Phila- delphia_representative had heard me sing at the - Bellevue-Stratford, and would I not call at the opera house for a trial with a view to a possible en- gagement. The result was that 1 sang with the Metropolitan company for several seasons, when the concert work I had begun became so success- ful that with great regret I felt com- pelled to discontinue my operatic_ca- reer for regular concert work. With the experience of the operatic world as a background, my recitals all over the country seemed very successful. If a girl has as much talent as the average successful singer must have, and enough money behind her to further her ambition in the way customary in the musical world, what would it cost her? Here is a supposi- titious instance: She has a voice, and she has had perhaps some study in her home. She has sung in the church choir and at receptions, and most likely on public occasions. She can read music, has learned a number of songs, and is more or less accustomed to public singing. With this quite usual begin- __“SOME ROOST ON WOODEN BARS.” Nor is work all. Take food. I admit, here and now, that the lunch I like best—I mean for an ordinary plain lunch, not a party—is a beef- steak about one foot square and two inches thick. Can I work on it? No, I can't. But I can work in spite of it. That is as much as one used to ask, 25 years ago. Yet now I find that all my friends boast ostentdtiously about the mea- ger lunch they eat. One tells me that he finds a glass of milk and a prune is quite as much as he cares to take. Another says that a dry biscuit and a glass of water is all that his brain will stand. One lunches on the white of an egg. Another eats merely the volk. 1 have only two friends left Who can eat a whole egg at a time. 1 understand that the fear of these men is that if they eat more than an of Making ning, she comes to New York. Per- haps some one has recommended her to a certain teacher or perhaps she has seen some teacher’s advertisement in one of the musical journals. The teacher listens to her, and, if she shows promise, tells her quite rightly that she needs hard study. The young woman's father tells her to go ahead, and she embarks upon a course of study which involves the following by no means exceptional expenditures: The singing tuition, if the teacher be of fair prominence, will cost $20 a lesson for three lessons a week. A coach will school the pupil in roles for $20 a lesson, say three lessons a week. Lessons in language and oper- atic acting will cost $10 each, and the student may take one each week. This aggregates a total of $140 weekly, not including living expenses, which may be higher in New York than at home. For study continued through- out the year, without vacation, the annual expenditure approaches $7,000; or, for a period of three years, which should precede any serious effort at recitals, an aggregate of something over $20,000. Then, under her teacher's guidince, she would wish, perhaps, to give a re- cital in New York, primarily to secure helptul'nnlgspnner advlceuut\: eriti- cism, again adds e pre- liminary costs of the intended career. egg or a biscuit they will feel heav: after lunch. Why they object to feel- ing heavy I do not know. Person- ally, T enjoy it. I like nothing bet- ter than to sit round after a heavy lunch with half a dozen heavy friends, smoking heavy cigars. I am well aware that that is wicked. Nor is food all, nor drink, work, nor open air. There spread abroad, along with called physical efficiency perfect passion for information. Somehow, if a man’s stomach is empty and his head clear as a bell, and if he won't drink and won't smoke, he reaches out for information. He wants fact: He reads the newspapers clean through. He clamors for articles filled with statistics about illiteracy and alien immigration and the ton- nage percentage of battleships to be 0 S 1 Such a recital can hardly be given for less than $1,000, inclading man- agement, the rent of the hall, print- ing of tickets, programs and cirgulars, and advertising in the various’ news- papers. nor has the so- * %k ok ok TH!S undertaking represents per- haps the beginning of the first year's concert work. Several Manag- ers, brought by the teacher, have at- tended the recital. Some are probably not at all impressed, while others see promise in the embryo artist, but realize that she will need several years more of study and experience before her recitals can be expected to reach a profitable basis. “But some junior manager, or one whose time is not fully taken, impressed by some of the features of the recital, is willing to take the responsibility of introducing the student to the concert world. He enters into conference with her and her father and they come to terms. Again she will find that her first year of professional work is also quite an expensive matter. Very likely a new manager must charge her several thousand dollars for his services and such expenses as are incidental to recitals, involving printing, advertising and traveling ex- penses. Many thousands of circulars must be provided, together with at- scrapped in conference. I know quite a lot of men who have bought the new encyclopedias and what is more, they read them. They sit in their apartments at night with a glass of water at their elbow read- ing the encyclopedia. They say that it is literally filled with facts. Other men spend their time reading the Statistical Abstract of the United States (they say the figures in it are great) and the acts of Congre and the list of Presidents since Washing- ton. Spending their evenings thus, and topping it off with a cold boiled prune, and sleeping out in the snow, they g¢ to work in the morning, so they me, with a positive sense of exhil ation. I have no doubt that they do. But for me, I confess that once and for all I am out of it. I am left behind Add to it all such rising dangers as night and morning exercise, and the reduction to standard weight, day- light saving, and bigger and better breathing, together with eugenic mar- riage, the initiative and the referen- dum, and the duty of the citizen to take an intelligent interest in_poli —and I admit that I shall not be sorry to go away from here. But before I do go, I have one hope. I understand that down in Hayti things are more considerately ordered. Bull fights, cock fights, dog fights, are openly permitted. Business never b gins till eleven in the morning. Eves body sleeps after lunch, and the caf remain open all night. In fact, the general efficiency, so they tell me, is less perceptible in Hayti than it has been anywhere since the time of Nero. Me for Hayti. (Copyright, the next disarmament 1925.) “WOULD WEAR DOG HARNESS IF THEY THOUGHT THEY COULD WORK MORE IN IT.” in the several musical papers, an item of the utmost importance in her career, will add to the cost. The second year of her professional work should find a loss of perhaps half that of the first year and the third year half that of the second. Then- the losses will fade away and a growing profit will take their place. But meanwhile the aggregate for study and expenditures will have amounted to a very large sum—not infrequently it has reached $50,000, which represents our student’s capital tractive posters, window cards, pho- tographs, newspaper cuts. Advertising investment before she begins to show any real ability.