Evening Star Newspaper, December 9, 1923, Page 90

Did Hypotenuse, Himself Possess a Humor When Facing Disaster? HERE is one thing You can say about Hypo Jones. He never has a regular Jjob, which means that Hypo never holds the sort of job any one else holds. He never worked for a business con- «cern engaged in the prosaic manufac- ture of rubber collars, pajamas, cas- Xets or canned soup, and he never dug a ditch, curried horses or clerked in a bank. In his time he has held a hundred varied jobs, and they were always Jobs nobody” ever heard of any one holding before. N\ To look at Mr. Jones, you would never surmise that he diifers violent- 1y from his fellow man. He is a tall, thin {ndividual, with extremely plain features, and he contains enough bones to stock up a museum natural history. He wears a broad. open grin that was fixed on him the same as his Adam’s apple, and is as prominent and permanent. He h ) apologetic cough, and in times of calm his manner is timid and retir- ing. though he occasionally works! Limself into a ereamy froth { comes unmanageable. Te stands six feet and some inches and weighs one hundred and th v or| one hundred and twenty, depending upon whether it is winter or sum- mer. He still wears the black felt hat that blew out a passenger train In South Chicago the vear of the world's fair and landed near him. His garments even yet fit him as though he had been poured into them while in a heated condition and had then contracted about 15 per cent. While he is no longer as frisky as he used to be, he remains the same gaunt, gangling and awkward cuss he was when he worked for Jim Heneshaw, and that goes back to the time when Hector was a pup and they called them horseless carriages. Portopolis is just another one of those towns that grew up in the lamp-and-wick league, and still be- longs there. It is now about thir- teen years since Hypo Jones de- parted from Portopolis, moving with & certain amount of fretful speed. Mr. Jones was In Portopolis with a genial maniac named Jim Heneshaw, who at the time regarded and de- scribed himself as the world's cham- pion balloonist, acronaut and para- chuté jumper. In a certain loose manner of speaking, Hypo and Jim maintained business relations, Jim Leing proprictor and Hypo doing the work. There was a state fair In erup- | tion at the time, and because it was | a rather one-horse sort of carnival, | Mr. Heneshaw and his balloon came 1o be regarded the largest and | most startling attraction. i Every afternoon a large crowd stampeded into the fair grounds, gathered outside the ropes and watched Hypo Jones rise into llne! blue vault of heaven, hoping among | themselves that he would be killed, and thus justify the thirty-five cents charged at the gate. The fair grounds spread out along the lake front and at some distance from town. Lake Erle is the official name of the large body of water ad- jacent to Portopolis, and while Erie mmay mean & number of things, to Hypo Jones it has but one signifl- cance. Tt means something deep, wet. and wide and full of a peculiarly slippery kind of water that can crawl down the narrowest human throat without effort. He fell into that uneasy lake once a day, and, as he affirms, nobody can tell him anxthing new about half strangling to death on lake water fresh from the original lake. as x ok % ok MRr- HENESHAW had a fa: bar- barous wife and a couple of adenoidal children of restless habits. He kept them all in a tent on the fair grounds, and fed them at stated intervals by proxy, Hypo beilng the Proxy. In the daily newspapers and on the boardings you would have observed the likeness of Mr. James Heneshaw, world's champion parachute jumper, together with many eulogistic and garbled facts concerning his past life and aerial triumphs, but the lime- light always avoided Hypo Jones. Fame and fortune overlooked him en- tirely as he toiled obscurely on. In time Mr. Heneshaw became a Tortopolis hero, and they introduced | him to leading politictans, and took photographs, with Jones standing on the steps of the city hall and shak- tng hands with the president of the chamber of commerce. Jim was an obese, overfed creature, who esteemed vibald garments and the allure of horrible hues, and when fully clad he presented a marvelous and confused spectacle. Mr. Heneshaw drank quite a bit and was insensible to criticism, The townsfolk averred that he was a dar- ing and eccentric genius, and each Saturday morning the carnival com- pany paid him enough money to raise the eyebrow of a bank cashier. Hypo Jones. being the lone em- ploye of Heneshaw, Ltd., enjoyed nu- merous and conflicting dutles. He slept in a tent near the south fence. In the early hours of dawn he was menerally awakened by the loud out- cries of the Heneshaw family, in the throes of famine, whereupon he arose ‘without lelsure and prepared break- fast. In' the saloons and newspapers Heneshaw was the noble hero, but out thgre on the carnlval lot the dauntless navigator of the air was Hypo Jomes. It was Hypo who went | up and came down with varying de- srees of luck. Nobody ever paid any attention to the fact that Heneshaw remained on the ground and Hypo mosred aloft. Whenever the balloon was full of smoke and hot air and the hands of the clock pointed to 3, Hypo slid himself cheerfully along the trapeze bar and started uy toward Saturn. i In the dim and distant past Jim Heneshaw had been & diligent cansioniet and had actually per- formed many feats of ballooning, but those times had passed long before ( the Hero, Sense of noon, when the balloon drooped down into the lake, he rescued it from a ‘watery grave, lald it out on the turf and fanned it dry. He bullt the fire that filled it with smoke,* washed and cooked for the Heneshaw de- pendents, and when Jim was under the weather suffering from alcoholic blues, Hypo saw the visitors and turned them away with gentlemanly and skillful les. During the summer Hypo Jones peeled the reluctant hide off enough potatoes to make a necklace around the world at Panama and, while he was forced to cook for Mrs. Hene- shaw and the children, he was mnot obligated by law to eat with them. * ok ok % . VI JONES avolded the Heneshaw dining room and when assalled by the pangs of hunger he hurried out of the grounds entirely and wan- dered into the nearest public eating house, which masqueraded through life under the name of Klotz's Quick Lunch. Therein Moore, he encountered Muriel the vouthful and ornamental cashier. He strolled Into Klotz's Quick Lunch on Monday morning, ordered a fried e andwich, took a startled look at Miss. Muriel and decided to be married in the fall. On Tuesday. being a quick worker, he spoke to the damsel about it-and that's the first time he ever heard her laugh. “My,” she said, sudden. What' “Hypo Jones” he told her, “sub- tracted to that from Henry, by a gang of Baltimore oyster openers.” “How much do you earn?” she asked, still smiling. “Fifteen a week ot enough,” Muriel stated firmly. “What do you do? “Idight domestic housework plain cooking, with a side parachute jumping,” he explained. “Jobs of all sorts done with care. I've heard of people getting married on eleven a week. You have one of the nicest noses so far published.” “Oh," she exclaimed, “you are the balloon man. I thought his name was Heneshaw." “It is," Hypo admitted. “I do his ballooning for him. Would you pre- fer being married in a square, red chureh, or hehind the bookcase, with the minister's wife looking on and the little boy next door as a vit- neks? 0 you are the real balloon man,” Miss Moore continued with deep in- terest. “How funny."” “When my old man dies, argued Hypo, “I drag down $700 legacy—I and my flve cousins.” From the very beginning Iypo failed to make amorous progress with this young and alluring money changer in Klotz's Quick Lunch, but, as he told himself repeatedly, she was a prize worth striving for. To begin with, Muriel was a small, select and sample specimen of the sex that has caused all the trouble. She clad herself in a natty blue suit, with the very neatest of white cuffs and some white, frilly lace about her throat. In her faintly auburn hair she generally wore a rose, so Hypo brought her ene each morning. He used to sit behind a table of contents and stare fixedly at Murlel in a pet- rified condition, while both his eggs and his feet grew cold. Just by glancing up at him from beneath her bang, Murfel could raise Mr. Jones' temperature 5 degrees above normal on the most normal morning. From the introductory meeting Hypo was in love and at night he would lie in his tented couch and think of heroic thoughts. He held daily in- sistent and futile conversations with the girl, all bearing upon the single topic of matrimony, and day by day he grew more serious and thin, while Muriel only smiled. She was not a flirt. One heavy-jowled villain un- dertook to get familiar with her, and when he walked sheepishly out of Klotz's Quick Lunch the little fcicles were clinking. On the tenth day of Hypo's violent love Murlel introduced the subject of her brother. ‘“George wants to meet you,” she announced, as Hypo stood beslde her at the cash register trying to pretend that three nickels were hard to count and took time. e told him all about you.” That's fine,” Hypo assented ab- sently, wondering how it is that one €lrl, having the identical set of fea- tures distributed to all girls, should yet be so vastly different. “And,” Muriel continued reflective- 1y, “George thinks he would like to g0 up in your balloon.™ “Oh, does he?” said Hypo, coming back to the restaurant suddenly. “He thinks he'd like to go up. Has he ever ballooned much?” “Not any,” said Muriel. “But his mind is set on it. I told him I would speak to you about it.” “And you did,” Hypo remarked in a kindly tone. “When you go home, tell George that you spoke to me and 1 spoke right bagk. The answer about George 1s, nothing doing.” “Hypo,” Murlel sald wisttully, “I thought you were a friend of mine.” She then smiled one of her rare, pe- culiar, and personal smiles. Murlel had been endowed at birth with light, blue eves and red lips, and when she combined these in a smile, and glanced directly at a man, he forgot his Christian name, the size of his shirt, and how many states in the Union this year. “No,” said Hypo weakly. “It's ri- diculous. What for does George want to go.up in a balloon?” “Because he is writing a book. He wants to know exactly how It feels up in the air. His hero is a balloon man, like Mr. Heneshaw, and George wants to have everything in his book Just right” Hypo stared at Jauriels with trou- bled eyes. It oocurred to him that heré was a story's man might be ex- cused .for doubting. “No,” he sald &gain, after painful thought. “I'm against it. Your brother may be a nice lad, and no doubt is, but he cannot go up in my ballaon, 8! ng. “How your name? and line of the outfit reached Portopolis, Ohio. @im had now bogged down into a state of fat callosity and feeble en- ervation and was quite content to let Hypo .do the afternoon balloon- ing, together with all other things. 3ype worked his eighteen hours & 4iay without geprosch; Each after- That ends it. Anyway, it ain't my balloon. It belongs to Jim J. Hene- shaw, and If he caught me sending up a total stranger he would murder everybody in Portopolis over twelve years old. “Very well,” sald Muriel shortly *Thére was ne' harm in asking you™ ATV et Not a bit,” Hypo agreed. “Well, good luck, Muriel. So long.” She turned her head quickly with- out replying,-and Hypo Jones took himself into the street, feellng sure that something is always happening } to a man. x Kk ok x HAT'S the way it remained for a while, and the subject was drop- ped. However, nobody has ever vet dlscovered a true and certain method of dropping a subject when there is a lady holding one end, so in time Murlel renewed the discussion of George and his book on balloons. Hypo retorted with a few thousand fmpromptu words on the general { topts of matrimony, without making any more progress than a caterpillar trying to burrow through a battle- ship. “Hypo,” sald the girl on this later day, and handing him his usual change from a half dollar, “I have asked you to let George go up In your balloon. Why don't you be a good sport and let him? Didn't you say you were fond of me?" “I am fond of you,” he returned calmly. “You know what I think of you. At this minute I am enjoving negotiations with Jim Heneshaw, the object belng to get twenty a week, 80 we can be married. Does that show you anything? It would if you knew Jim." - “Yes,” Murlel continued, ignoring these plain facts, “but why don’t you ! do as I ask—about George?” Hypo shook his head firmly. ‘It's against the Constitution of the United States government for literary lunatics to be going up in balloons.” “But, Hypo, if you never do any- thing I ask, why should I ever—ever do anything you ask me? Had you ever thought of that?” On the point of lighting an old- time, rim-fire cigar, Hypo suddenly blew out the match and moved nearer. He gazed into Muriel's clear eyes and put a new thought into words. “You mean,” he said, “If I let this pen-pushing relation of yours go up, you will listen to me and get mar- ried?” “Well, I wouldn't quite go as far ap that,” she returned with a smile that was keeping Hypo a stranger to sleep. ‘“Not quite that far, Hypo, only if you do as I request. " “Will you marry me?” Muriel pursed up her lips, which were peculiarly adapted to pursing: _ *It is very certain I shall not marry vou if you don't give George this chance. Here you have a bal- loon, and here is George, all ready and longing—"' “Listen,” sald Hypo warmly, “if:I do this, will you walk into some good church and sfgn up with me?" “Try and see,” she smiled, and at this point Hypo Jones sank without & bubble. "Hear me, lady,” he said abruptly. “Go home and get your maniac brother to sign a piece of paper. Have him write it out in English that in case he kills a, rising young author he does so. all by himself, and thereby declares it no fault of Hypo Jones. 1 love you a great deal, but there is no use belng in jail.” On the following morning, when Hypo hurriéd into the restaurant, Muriel showed him the last will and testament of George Moore, declaring that he did his act of ballooning all by himself, and that H. Jones was an innocent bystander. s “Good,” sald Hypo. ' “We 'will mow have to linger around waiting for loon. looked after peeled the mnext day's. potatoes, cleaned up the grounds, and amused himself in other ways until 3 in the. afternoon, which was the of- ficial hour for balloon exercises. At 2 o'clock he generally lighted the fire in the underground cave and filled the big bag. He rose into the air with Jim Heneshaw superin- fending the flight. When he reach- ed 1,500 feet Jim fired off a shot- gun, signifying that it was time to parachute. Hypo then landed in Lake Erle, and Jim sent out a boy in a boat to retrieve the balloon with great care, after which attention was paid to Hypo, and if he still ap- Dpeared on the surface he was rescued with some pomp and brought ashore. In order to make an aeronaut out of George Moore, Hypo was forced to | gaze ahead. As long as Mr, Hene- shaw remained visible the project was out of the question, and for a week Hypo walted and watched. At the end of that time Jim came home full of Portopolis bottled goods, and then, informed his wife in a strained voice that he was going somewhere to get an old friend out of jail. That was the end of James Heneshaw for at least fifteen hours, judging by past performances. Hypo immediately started for Klotz's Quick Lunch to inform Muflel. Up to this hour Hypo had never laid a cold and hostile eye upon George. “Dig up that deluded brother of yours” he said to her, “and bring him around at 3 o'clock. I will keep my word and send him up, where he can commit suicide without trouble. Jim is spending the day in riotous living.” “All right,” “ Murlel said gladly. 11 have him there in plenty of time. And, Hypo, please see that every- thing is fixed so that no_harm comes to George. I don't want him to hurt himself.” Bhe looked worried, and Hypo re- aseured her. He sald that he .felt sure a2 man with as little sense as George displayed would find it im- possible to injure himself with a mere balloon and some atmosphere. He then returned gloomily. to the fair grounds and took up his chores. Promptly at 3 o'clock Murlel came through the rear gate, dragging be- bind her the mysterious creature Jim to get himselt ossified or other-} wise absent from the lot. Somehdw I feel I would like to have Jim long way off ‘before we send George up ballooning.” * x x x | UP to this time the daily program for Hypo was simple enough. He rose at dawn, prepared breakfast for the howling Heneshaws, speat some time sewing up TiPs in she Mads “HYPO;” MURIEL SAID, the parachute, | | whom she regarded as”her brother. | She introduced him to Hypo, who | gazed at him in deep scorn, and then {1ed him around to the cook tent for | a few words. George went obediently and even meekly. He was a mealy little man, rather white-faced and shivery in his manner Young man,” said Hypo, sternly, ou don’t know anything about go- ing up in balloons, do you?" “No" George admitted with a pale grin. “Not a thin “Are you going to be nervous about this? “Probably, but that won't make any difference. It is something that must be done. Naturally, I shall feel alightly nervous, ae this is my nvst @erial experiment.” “Naturally,” Hypo agreed, staring hard at George, and wondering how the human race can produce a sister like Murlel and a brother like Gegrge. “Have you got enough sense to do Just what I tell you?’ “Om, yes" said George. “Yes, indeed,” echoed Muriel, who at this moment entered the cook tent. “George will do everything you say, Hypo. Ile promised me.” “If he don't" sald Hypo, calmly, “somebody in your family will have to gallop out and find & good crape store. Now, then,” he continued, turning to George. “when you hear the nolse.of.the shotgun you jump. Understand? When I fire the gun wou cut loose and begin coming down, because it ain't going to do you any good to stay up there. There's a fine young gale going on aloft, and you'll have to work quick.” “Certainly,” George replied. “I'm to slide off on the parachute the min- ute I hear you fire the gun. That's plain.” MIURILL then shook hands with her brother as though that was to be their last parting on earth, and was gone. Hypo led George out to the lot, where the balloon was champ- ing on the bit. He lifted George gloomily upon the crossbar and sald a few last words. “Remember the gun,” Hypo repeat- ed. “Here's your parachute. All you have to do is to lean over and fall off, and, If possible, try to avoid the steeple of the church when coming down, because they have a new light- * ® X x JONES--BALLOONATI “THEY HAVE A NEW LIGHTNING ROD ON THE STEEPLE OF THE CHURCH. AND IT'S SHARP.” ning rod on it and it's sharp. In the meantime, and if anything hap- Dpens, peace to your ashes.” “Thanks,” George responded, huski- Iy, and looking whiter than ever. ‘m sure I shall have no trouble.” ‘And before you go,” said Hypo, “you're not fooling me at all. You're no author, George. I met an author once in Battle Creek, and I know those birds. They never go any high- er than the third floor, and not that bigh when the bar is on the street.” Then he cut the balloon loose and it rose rapidly. The last Hypo saw of George he was clinging firmly to the crossbar, like a cassowary hang- ing toa telegraph wire. Hypo picked up his signal gun and the crowd cheered hoarsely, little wotting that literature ‘was receiving another up- lift. At 1,500 feet, with the balloon drifting swiftly with the brisk breeze toward Lake Erie and points north, Hypo pulled the trigger and looked up expectantly; but at the sound of the shot George merely waved his arm in an imbecile manner and con- tinued ballooning. Hypo stared up incredulously. Apparently the sub- ject of jumping fn parachutes had be- come distasteful to George, and from that moment forward he paid no more attention to Hypo Jones than if that Individual had died in Siberia in 1776 B. C. Mr. -Jones stood still, observing the catastrophe and thinking of several disconcerting things at once. The balloon headed rapidly out over the lake. and Hypo kicked his shotgun petulantly aside and started out of the grounds. He moved rapidly in the direction of Klotz's quick lunch, and when he burst into that caravan- sary of food Muriel Moore was calme Iy making change for a Swedish gen- tleman off an iron-ore boat. “Listen,” Hypo said, excitedly, and pushing the Swedish sailor aside. “He didn’t jump. I told him to jump in plain English, and the boob sits up there and waves at me. What's the answer?” Muriel pushed the d@rawer into the cash register and looked at Hypo, who continued to talk. “Your brother has gone visiting in my balloon, and there goes my job. I want to know why! When Jim Heneshaw hears that he has now got none and no one-hundredths balloons, somebody 1s going to be buried after a short and violent death. The last I saw of George he was two miles high and heading for Norway." Muriel motioned to the propristor of Klotz's quick lunch, whispered to him, and then turned to Hypo. “Hypo,” she said, solemnly, “come into the backroom.” He followed her in, fearing that in about a minute all would not be well, and she closed the door. “Sit down, Hypo,” she said, in such a kindly tone that she alarmed him. “I have a few words that must be said.” “Maybe you can tell me where your brother has gone with our balloon?” he demanded. “You know balloons cost money, don't you?" “I can explain everything, Hypo,” she contintied, uneasily. “I must trust you to forgive me. I will begin by saying that when I told you George ‘was a writer of books I did not tell ghe truth.” “I knew that,” he answered, testily. “You didn’t fool me there. “I was forced to decelve you, Hypo, and I did, because I regarded you as a stanch friend who would forgive a girl almost anything.” ‘SBure,” he answered, wonderingly. “Anything you do, Muriel, is all right with me. But let’s hurry this up.” “L am gorry it had to happen jfust this way,” she continued.” “I know that I have caused you a great deal of trouble.” “You have,” he agreed. "“The min- ute’ Jim gets sober enough to under- stand English 1 won't have any meore {dob. But up to this point you haven't | explained. Why did George go riding nd why didn't he jump when I told i to?" “He is escaping” Murlel explained. “He Is leaving Portopolis. For the past two months the police and de- tectives have been hunting him. I was able to hide him in my room, and we were waiting for a good chance to get him out of the country. He couldn’t go on a traln or on foot, be- cause he tried it and they nearly caught him. “You mean he's going to Canada in Jim's balloon?” Hypo asked in some astonishment. “That's just it.” she went on more cheerfully. “He's on his way to Can- ada. You told me once that with a good wind the balloon would carry acrose the lake in a short time. 1 remembered it.” “I ain’t going to forget it myself. But why Canada? Who did he kill here?” “Nobody,” Muriel rerlied earnsstly. “He did nothing. George worked for a concern in Cleveland, and his pal stole a good deal of money and escap- | ed to South America. That's the hon- est truth, Hypo. George never got a single penny, but the police say he| did, and they are trying to put him in jail. That's why. Do you think he will land safely in Canada’ ¢fll,” Mr. Jones returned “unless he misses it entirely and goes on over to the north pole. He was mailing fast.”” “You understand” the girl con- tinued eagerly, “that I love George & great deal. I wanted to help him FRANK CONDON |and Hypo shook % R LI R SO ews ¢ BY Eet away and start life all over. | Wwish to thank you, Hypo. You have. proved a falthful friend.~ * ok %k ¥ E stood there looking down at her and trying to think of eight or nine things at once. Somehow he didn't like the emphs she lald upon’ his falthful friendship, “All right” he sald resignedly ‘That's all over. OTE® 18 probably safe in Winnipeg by this time, Now let's take up the rest of our bargair You sald you'd mas e. T don't expect anybody to marry a g out a job, but supposing I one for $35 a week in some How soon 1 we be married? “We can't be m a, ¥ Murlel murmured, looking down her foot. “I like you, but I'm afr. we can't be married.” ‘“No,” he said. “Why?" “Because George isn't my brothe: He's my husband, Hypo. We have been married three years and fou: months." She smiled and held out her nd it without a word There was 1o nofse in the back of Klotz's Quick Lunch thereafter except the sound of a couple of larg: hob-nailed feet moving pondulous! and in parallel lines for the dr The feet belonged to Hypo.Jones, bu they were walking by themselves. H- turned in the door and tried to sa: g00d-by, but the words paused on the wrong side of his teeth. Soon after a tall and gangling flgure left Porto polls, traveling steadily into the west It was Hypo Jones hunting for a new job, live tows roon (Copyright, 1923.) The Merry-Go-Round VERYBODY that hunted—with- in certain social limitations— was at the meet of the Meadowdals Club. It was an occasfon to delight fashionable tai- lors, modish couturieres and those who dealt in rare furs. Of course, gal- lant men and flirtatious women— with other men and women—found chagrin in the event. Men still in love with their wives and women still fond of their hus- bands paired after the hunt and be- fore the luncheon that was to fol- low; other men and women sought out partners for one or another rea- son; older men who had survived the harards of folly gathered in knots and burned exclusive tobacco and gosripped as fluently as older women who represented a like survival, and cocktalls—under new names—and teas were absorbed without much distinction as to sex. Quite a num- ber did not come for the hunt at all. It happened—no one seemed to know just how, but the fact gave a fillip to whispering—that at lunch- eon Mra. De Camp was seated next to Mr. De Camp, whercas Mrs De Camp, having just been divorced from Mr. De Camp, had arrived at the scene resplendently attired with Mr. Jonesworthy, to whom rumor had already attached her in a new matri- monial possibility. Mr. Jonesworth; by another accident of placing, found himself by the side of Mrs. Deems. whose husband had long been abroad. When it is gald that Mr. Jonesworthy, before ler divorce had thrown Mrs. De Camp on the market, had enjoyed what was called a platonic friend- ship with Mre. Deems, and that Mrs. Deems had inveighed against pla- tonism ever since it was rumored that Mrs. Jonesworthy and Mrs De Camp | marrye | phases of joy or elements of envy or | By J. A. Waldron. nalizing very little or perhaps notl ing at all—platonical. Mr. and Mrs. De Camp had not see: each other since their divorce, and naturally entered upon & mutua measurement with expertly apprais ing eyes. “So you and Jomesworthy e ventured, after looked admiringly. “That is the rumor, as I hear it she replied archly. never should ‘Well, T hope you with him than “I should hope looks backward can look both w: “A pretty woman ca * %ok ox HE concluded mnot to thought verbally, have you been since “Since I began to pay alimony? O trying to forget certain thing southern waters. Do you remembe how we crulsed thers two years agc “Do I remember! What a qu-<ion “Well, the memory lingers wiu me also. T've had the Flirt rofittec Isn't she a bird? Your section been done over. “To suit the complexion new voyager, of course.” Not exactly. You would 1 in an environment of green But- - And so banter went. They paid mor attention to each other than to lurck eon. As the company rose they stro ed out to the point where mot: ‘were gathering and departing, rally ing each other happily. A messenger met them and told Mrs. De Camp that Jonesworthy was walting for her Stil with De Camp, she stopped wher. Jonesworthy was sitting in his Re nault runabout. “You don't mind, of course,” saii are t has had have guessed have better had with me! o! And yet, when or and forwa; &, 1 suppose— ut whe of som were engaged, the seriousness of these errors in assigning luncheon places may be imagined. Perhape the major-domo had difficulty in fol- lowing quick legal and sentimental changes. . * k% PBUT !f everybody should sit at din- ner or luncheon with the person everybody desires to sit with, such functions would produce greater hap- piness than they now do, and con- tribute more notably to {ntelligence. But well bred persons make the best of every situation in which they find themselves. Thus the photograph of those at the Meadowdale Club lunch- eon, snapped to be placed in the trophy room with other photographs of like events—though by some chance copies thereof were repro- duced in no less than three Sunday society pages—revealed a company the faces of most of whom showed perfect satisfaction with themselves and the environment. Mr. Jonesworthy, it is interesting to note, upon arrival with Mrs. De Camp, had caught sight of Mr. De Camp, whose presence he had not expected. “Of course” said he to Mrs. De Camp, “vou cannot possibly recognize him." “Cannot?” she had responded, arch- ing her brows. “I mean you should not, dearest!” His tone was that of the lover. “Why not? T should be civil. He is an engaging chap, although I have divorced him. With all our differ- ences he never said to me ‘Of course you cannot’” And how could such a reply end but in a pout? “Very well.” Mr. Jonesworthy de- sired to say something else, but re- frained. When Mr. Jonesworthy had been placed beside Mrs. Deems the fact that a stern decree of the law stood between Mr. and Mrs. De Camp gave him'no saitsfaction, for they semed to be comrades as they sat togetner. Mrs. Deems faced him with a smile he had often seen before. *“May I congratulate you?' she ask- ed. “I can congratulate mysalf, for amn 1 not here with you?" The smile with which he emphasized the compliment was also familiar to her. “But I mean on your engagement to Mre. De Camp.” “Does it look as though we were. engaged?” “Oh, but it is said—and she came here with you.” 2 “But I am now here with you.” And the conversation proceeded much as it might have proceaded had Mr. and Mrs. De Camp still been tied in the boly bende of matrimony, sig- she to Jonesworthy, “but I'm not golng back to town just now.” And she turned again to De Camp. “Have you heard the news?" asked one male gossip Of another at the Growlers' Club a week later, No. What {s it?" “Why, the De Camps were remarried on the quiet yesterday and sailed on the Flirt on their second honeymoon:” moon!"” (Copyright, 1928.) The Longest Horns. HE day of the “longhorn,” tim Texas steer famed for its breadéh of horn and lightness of body, is past. Today there is not a real long horn in the whole of Texas, not even in Pecos Valley, where it made its last stand against the blood of high breeding as practised by the north- erners who have converted Texas from a ralsing ground of horns and speed to a home of real beef. The genuine longhorn welghed but from 600 to 700 pounds and could race with a coyote. It had descend- ed from the early cattle of the Spaniards, who were the first white settlers of the Rio Grande country and the semi-desert lands of the southwest. It has been years since a real long- horn has been seen on the plains of Texas. But the greatest of all long- horns was not killed by man. This steer, a maverick, a lone outcast from his herd, who lived and roamed alone, fell prey to wolves in the Devils River mountains years ago. His horns are now in San Angelo. These measuring elght feet from tip tip, were found by cowboys, to —_— Mountain of Iron. (QNE of the natural woaders of Mex- ico Is a great mountaln of iron situated at Durango. This peak is about one mile long and from one-haif to two-thirds of a mile wide. Its height ranges from 450 to 600 feet. It is estimated by engineers that it contains 350,000,000 tons of fron ore above ground. The ore averages 63 per cent iron and is of a quality well suited for the manufacture of steel. The ore is also used for fluxing by some of the smelters of Mexico Mining the ore upon the mountain bhas been conducted more or less for the past thirty vears, and at one period in its history large works were established near its base for the purpose of utilizing the ore. Thix great iron mountain rises out of the level plateau upon which the city of Durango is situated and is an inter- esting feature of the landscape of that region.