Evening Star Newspaper, May 31, 1931, Page 82

THE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTON, D. C, The Ordeal of Osbert Mulliner By P. G. Wodehouse A Rollicking Story of an 5;Uphill Courtship. , Ilnstrated by Hubert Mathiew. HE unwonted gravity of Mr. Mul- liner's demeanor had struck us ail directly he entered the bar parlor of the Angler’s Rest. We hastened to inquiries. Our seemed t> please him. “Well, genilemen,” said, “I had not in- tended to intrude my private troubles on this ha, gathering, but, if you must know, a yo:zmdmdmhnh-lefihhme and is filing pepers of divorce. much. me’lv'r:yvhde trouble appears to have been riage today is made much too man. He finds it so easy to go out and grab some sweet girl that when he has got her hLe does not value ker. I am convinced that that is the real cause of this modern bocm in the events which preceded it. had been a walkover, he would have prized his wife far less bighly.” “It took him a long time to teach her his true worth?” we asked. “On the comtrary,” ssid Mr. Mulliner, “she loved him at first sight. What made the wooing of Mabel Petherick-Soames so extrardi- narily dificult for my nephew Osbert was not any coldness on her part, but the unfortunate mental attitude of J. Bashford Braddock. Does that name suggest anything to you, gentle- men?” “Neo.” “You do not think that a man with such a name would be likely to be a toughish sort of 9 “He might be, now you mention it.” “He was. In Cemtral Africa, where he spent a good deal of his time exploring, ostriches would bury their heads in the sand at Bash- ford Braddock's apprcach, and even rhinocer- oses, the most ferocious beasts in existence, frequently edged behind trees and hid tift h2 had passed. And the moment he came into Osbert’s life, my nephew realized with a sick- enmg clearness that those rhinoeercses had known their business.” NTIL the advent of this man Braddock (said Mr. Mulliner), fortune seemed to have lavished her favors on my nephew Osbert in full and even overflowing measure. Hand- some, like all the Mulliners, he possessed, in addition to good looks, the inestimable blessing of perfect health, a cheerful disposition, and S0 much money that income-tax assessors screamed with joy when forwarding Schedule D to his address. And, on top of all this, he had fallen in love with & most charming girt and rather fancied that his love was re- turned. girl out alone to dinner and a theater. And it was on this night of nights, when all should Irave been joy and happiness, that the Brad- dock menace took shape. They informed me that you had gone to the theater with this gentieman.” ‘There Was & pause. “Wel, good night,” said Mabel. “aAn?” Mr. Mulliner, you love that girl.” think to say was that it made them seem like one great big family. “1 have loved her since she was so high. And I have always sworn that if ever any man came between us, if ever any slinking, sneaking, popeyed, lopeared son of a sea cook ‘attempted to rob me of that girl, I would—" Bashford Braddock laughed a short, metallic laugh, “Did you ever hear what I did to the King of Mgumbo-Mgumbo?™ “I didn't even know there was a King of Mgumbo-Mgumbo.” . “There isn’t—now.” Bashford Braddock looked up at the twin- kling stars. “What delightful weather we are having,” he said. “There was just the same quiet hush and peaceful starlight, I recollect, that time out in the Ngobi Desert when I strangled the jaguar.” Osbert's Adam’s apple slipped a cog. “W-what jaguar?” “Oh, you wouldn't know it. I had a rather tricky five minutes of it at first, because my right arm was in a sling and I could only use my left. Well, good night, Mr. Mulliner.” And Bashford Braddock stalked into the FOR several minutes after he had disap- peared, Osbert Mulliner stood motionless, staring after him with unseeing eyes. Then, tottering round the corner, he made his way to his residence in South Audley street, In his cozy library, having mixed himself a strong brandy and soda, he sat down and gave himself up te meditation. bEFLd.ind i MAY 31, 1931 tressed my niece, but the letter's contents. My niece is under the impression that last night she and you became engaged to be married.” Osbert ' coughed. “Well—er—not exaetly. Not altogether. Not, as it were—I mean—you b “I see very clearly. You have been trifling with my niece’s affections, Mr. Mulliner. I am ing a lump of sugar from absently on the edge of a “Did you ever hear of a C “No.” “Ah? I thought you might He trifled with the affections of ter. I horsewhipped him onm the steps of Drones Club. Have you ever heard tile name Blenkinsop-Bustard?” “No.” “Shortly after the affair of Capt. Walkin- Wore a fair mustache and kept pigeons. horsewhipped him on the steps of the Junior Bird Panciers. By the way, Mr. Mulliner, what is your club?” The meditation to which my nephew Osbert had given himself up on the previous night was as nothing to the meditation to which he gave i % E Y E Mr. Mulliner.” i g amateur theatricals. Kindly step ar corner and get me s wig, a false false whiskers and a good stout pa spectacles.” Osbert's plans—when, after a cautious up and down the street, he left the hour later and directed a taxicab to to an obscure hotel in the wildest known part of the Cromwell road— vaguest. It was only when he reached haven and had thoroughly wigged, nosed, whis- kered and blue-speetacled himself that he be- gan to formulate a definite plan. He spent the rest of the day in his room, and shortly before lunch next morning set out for the second-hand clothing establishments of the brothers Cohen, near Covemt Garden, to pur- chase a complete traveler's outfit. It was his intention to board the boat sailing om the mor- row for India. All the Cohens seemed glad to see him when he arrived at the shop. They clustered about him in a body, as if guessing by instinct thas here came one of those big orders. At this excellent emporium one may buy, in addition to second-hand clothing, practically anything that exists; and the difficulty is to avoid do- ing so. At the end of five minutes Osbert was surprised to find himself in possession of a smoking cap, three boxes of poker chips, some polo sticks, a fishing rod, a concertina, a uku- lele and a bowl of goldfish. He was annoyed. These men appeared to him to have got quite & wrong angle on the situation. They seemesd to think that he proposed to make his travels ome long round of pleasure. As clearly as he was able he tried to tell them that, in the few broken years that remained to him before a shark or jungl: fever put an end to his sorrow, he would have little heart for polo, for poker, or for playing the concertina while watching the gambols of goldfish. They might just as well offer him, he said querulously, a cocked hat or a sewing machine. : Instant activity prevailed among the brothers. “Fetch the gentleman his sewing machine, Isidore.” “And, while you're getting him the cocked hat, Lou,” said Irving, “ask the gentleman in the shoe department if he’ll be kind enough to step this way. You're in luek,” he assured Os- bert. “If you're going traveling in foreign parts, he's the very gentleman to advise you. You've heard of Mr. Braddock?>” “Mr. B-Braddock?” “That's right. “Mr. Braddock, the expiorer.™ “Air!” ssid Osbert. “Give me air!™ He made rapidly for the door, and was about to charge through when it opened, admit & tall, distinguished-looking man of ap- pearance. “Shop!” ecried the newcomer in a clear, peatrician voice, and Osbert reeled back against & pile of trousers. It was Maj. Gen. Sir Masterman Petherick- Soames. A platoon of Cohens advanced uwpon him. ‘The general waved them back. “Do you,” he asked, “keep horsewhips?” “Yes, sir. Plenty of horsewhips.”™ “1 want a nice strong ome.” And at this mement Lou returned, ‘followed by Bashford Braddock. “Js this the gentleman?” said Bashford Brad- dock genially. ‘““You're going abroad, sir, I un- derstand. Delighted if I can be of any service.” “Bless my soul,” said Maj. Gen. Sir Master- men Petherick-Soames. “Bashford? It's so eonfouncidly dark in here I didm’t recognize you. This gentleman a friend of yours?” “Oh, no. I'm just going to help him buy an outfit.” 3 With the rapid devision of an explorer who is buying things for which somebody eise is ‘going to pay, he compieted the selection of Osbert’s “And what brings you here, Bashford?” asked the general. “Me? Oh, I looked in to buy a pair of spiked boots. I want to trample on a snake” “An odd coinciderice. I came here to buy'a horsewhip to horsewhip & snake” ° ERIEE “A bad week end for snakes,” said Bashford Braddock. “Lunch with me, general?” “Delighted, my dear fellow.” “Good-by, sir,” said Bashford Braddock, giv- ing Osbert a friendly nod. “Giad I was sble to be of some use. When do you sail?” . “Gentleman’s ssiling tomorrow morning om N i Qgg Al el Poni Unisienl