Evening Star Newspaper, December 12, 1926, Page 6

THE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTON. D. C. DEC EMBER 12, 1926—PART 1. GRIDIRON COMEDY v __ (Continued from First Page,) ®pirits in night shirts and pillow- cases.” % ““I can afford to be kidded,” Watson retorted. “I got back home for six more years and that’s more'n Paw < Butler did.” “Paw’ Butler entered, inquiring for Calvin, one of thé missing farm hands. “Calvin's gone fishin',” . reported.. “Always fishin’, but don’t ketch nothin’?” Butler declared. “He caught somethin’ second.” Dawes interjected: “I hope they ain't takin' pitchers = of his fishin’.” “Naw, he wouldn't let them pitcher = fellers within gunshot, this year,” Borah replied. “It Calvin er gets an offer to quit his job and go to Hollywood, farmers out my way will urge him to take it,” Lowden countered. ‘alvin’s all right,” Butler urged. “He's the best hand I got. He's smart, he's savin’, never consults no- » buddy but Maw Stearns and me. ® He's a great comfort and protector ;.and the older we get down in New . ]:'Tnglnnd the more we need protec- % tion.” Longworth November Paw Butler,” Borah plared. *Paw” Butler said the whole bunch were “too gabby.” ‘Maw” Stearns entered with the Third-Term Baby. . “What does Calvin %, ‘baby?" Butler asked. “You ought to see him shinin’ up to it in his qulet way when he thinks nobody s lookin',” the maternal par- ent ‘responded; “he's afeard it won't grow fast enough and he's always PS think of the Mostly, Mellon's faod. ‘“The baby seems all right,” Butler , Ventured. “Had a fit of colic, though, Novem- ber second,” ed “Maw" Stearns. “The same ht T was took with terrible pains down in Massachusetts and lost my plurality,” Butler averred. “What ailed Borah asked. Writer's cramp,” Butler replied. “Calvin wrote a letter and 1 got the tramp.” ‘Watson added: “Guess you must have set in a draft in one of those empty cotton « mills.” i .- “That was a mighty wet day down In Massachusetts,” Longworth sug- gested. “But, Nick, I had on t Wayne Wheeler give me.’ . “Hin boots wouldn’t a saved you, ““Paw Butler.” “Maw” Searns became apprehensive over the Third-Term Baby. She was féarful one of the farm hands might do it harm. “Between you and me, Paw Butler, them farm hands is purty jealous of Calvin,” warned “Ma Ntearns. “I wouldn’t put it past that Dawes feller to slip some o' them Senate vules in the Third-Term Baby's milk,"” Butlar wvarred. “An’ I seen Nick Longworth up near the Third-Term Baby's b making some mighty funny passes with his avel.’ “Don’t forget. Frankie.” Butler con- Sded, “if one of them farm hands kid- ®aps the Third-Term Baby, they'll put 88 off the old homestead on March 4, $929.” “If we could only hold till March 4, 3933.” “Don’t suppose we could hang on much after that,” Butler opined. don't know, paw, the country crazy over a queen.’” ‘m not sure it's ripe fer a king,” aald. you, Paw Butler?” he galoshes “Paw” Butler and “Maw" Stearns took the Third-Term Baby into the old homestead for protection. Borah called attention to the ominous clouds. - Longworth thought they spelled “1.9.2.8.7 them it was a sunset. “If wé only knew, fellers,” Dawes exclaimed, “if we only knew whether t's . sunset for Calvin or sundown for us.” Party Pesce Under Fire. Shafts of wit were directed at the Coolidge peace overtures to insurgent members of the party, Democrats and their gains in the Senate,’ Queen Marie’s tour and Congress. One skit, in which there was a re- production on a mammoth scale of a “frame” representing the front page of ‘“Today's Newspaper,” showed Uncle Sam pleading with the editor for first page position. The request was granted, but the personification of American government quickly was shunted aside as the Q in the guise of “Roaming Royalty’ he only man in New Jersey who was NOT in De Russey’s lane on the fatal night, amiable Aimee, the prophet of the Pacific; Will Rogers, Peaches, Tunney, Trudy and a Chicago gunman pre- sented themselves. When .Uncle Sam argued for his chance he was told the trouble with him was that he never did anything. He suggested Congress just had con- vened. The editor replied that wasn't front page news, but might get on the funny page. 2 . “How about another Bruce Barton Intérview with President Coolidge?"” he asked. “Apply at the business office for rates on political advertising,” was the answer, A modern version of Rip Van Winkle was presented by club members who impersonated Paul S8mith, returned to life in the Adirondacks, and Gov. Smith of New York in the role of a Temmany brave. Paul, ruminating, went a-fishing in a tub symbolical of Lake Osgood, where the President cast his ‘bait during his vacation. He brought forth something that was de- clared to be the world court, but was found to be “all wet,” and after thit the first volume of the President's speeches, on the flyleat of which was wriiten, *“Massachusetts has never failed me,” an ironic reference to the defeat of Senator Butler. Both Seeking Big Fish. The dialogue closed with Al telling Paul, that “between us Smiths” both he and the President would do little but practice during the next two years to attain perfection for .catching the big “1928 fish,” upon which both had set their minds. Jarly in the entertainment there was a clatter as two urchins, at- tempting to enter the Gridiron circus on tickets that had been passed by the primary and November gatekeepers, were haled before the committee on privileges and elections as they in- sisted they had a right to see the show. Under qu:stioning they gave the names of Willam 8. Vare of Pennsylvania and Frank L. Smith of Tllinois. They made no secret of the fact that they had tried to buy their | way into the dinner. The impersona- itors later were revealed as Mark Sul- {livan of the New York Herald-Tribune | Syndicate and Alfred H. Kirchofer of | the Buffalo Evening News, two new members of the Gridiron Club who were being Initiated. An act entitled ““The Harmonious | Senate” followed. The chairman of the music committee, addressing the president of the club, announced that the Gridiron singers, always seeking {to be different, would present a meet- {ing of the United States Senate in harmony. “You will perceive,” he added, “that this s pure fiction.” A song, in which Vice President Dawes lamented that every time he dropped the gavel the boys turned on the gas, was given and one of the participants remarked that Senator George W. Norris had sald the next {Senate would be like a royal train. “What do you mean?” was the in- terrogation fired at him. “He says certain people trying to get aboard will be thrown out,” was the answer. Immediately aft§r there was a solo in which the sipger undertook to Lowden reminded | speak for Senator Norris to the tune of “Show That Fellow the Door.” Song of Shipstead. Another singer expressed the lament Senator Henrik Shipstead of Minne- sota might feel over leaving the Farmer-Labor party to join the Repub- lican regulars. The words were set to the tune of “The Soldier's Farewell.” Another “Senator’ then asked, “How about our legislative program?” which brought the reply: j “That’s all settled. We are going to pass Gen. Andrews’ bill to reopen the distilleries.” A singer, undertaking to speak the views of Senator James A. Reed, then sang to the tune of ‘“When the Red, Red Robin Comes Bob, Bob, Bobbing Along,"” the chorus of which reads: For the red, red licker with its kick, kick, kicker is going fast, And 1t don't eurprise us when they advise us It cannot last. Give ue, doctor, a preacription ; Make it the right description Or we'll try conseription. o Moonehine. moonshine is awful. There in not enough of the good old stuft in Kentuck: So we're dreaming that this new scheming vill ‘bring us luck. We will get sick again, king for that kick ' again: We'll all get 11 3 Ere the red, red licker with its kick, kick, kicker is gone. ‘William Murray Bulter of Mas sachusetts, though no longer a Sen- ator, was granted the privilege of the floor, and the person representing him sang a song to the strains of “Bye,|of fact, Bye Blackbird.” o The Alibi Club. One of the features of the evening was the unheralded appearance of Sherlock Holmes and his old friend, Dr. Watson. Holmes, it appeared, was upon the most baffling case of his career, since he had been retained to discover who lost the November election, Watson, with his accustomed Inquisitorial traits, wanted to know who won. ““That's the trouble,” Holmes con- descendingly informed him, “Every- body won." ‘Watson's deductive powers growing, he remarked: ““Then somebody must have lost.” “Sh-sh-sh! Watson,” said Holmes. “Did you ever hear of the Alibi Club?"” ‘Watson had not, but it developed that this is a secret and mysterious political organization which shields offenders who commit the crime of losing an election. Holmes sald he suspected many of being members. Watson asked if the prohibitionists lost New York. “No,” “sald the detective. ‘““They won by defeating Senator ‘Wadsworth and Ogden Mills.” “Then the wets lost, and part of - Coming down to Massachusetts, Watson asked if the President didn't lose in that State. “No, indeed,” opined Holmes. ‘‘He won the House of Representatives and said it was a great victory.” “‘Great scott,” ejaculated Watson, ‘““can it be possible that the President is a member of the Alibi Club?” “Sh-sh-sh,” hissed Holmes, as the two trod from the stage in mock silence, i “Radlo” Surprise Numbers. So the guests, on account of their attendance at the dinner, would not be deprived of any desire to “listen in” on the radio, the entertainment com- mittee provided a huge radio set, which tuned in on some stations not heretofore heard. Here are some of the messages received: “This is station KKK, Indianapolis. James Eli Watson will sing that beautiful - ballad, - “The Moonlight's Getting Brighter on the Wabash Since James A. Reed’s Committee Went Away.'” “This is station OIL. The Hawaiian orchestra will play ‘The Pearl Harbor Blues’ The Happiness Boys—Ed- ward and Albert—will sing ‘The Pub- lic Wanted Action, So the Jury Was Locked Up.' " “This is the Philippines. Some think Carmi Thompson came over here for luck, to knock on Wood. As a matter he was just ‘rubbering’ around.” “This is Des Moines, Iowa. Since Edwin T. Meredith announced that McAdoo will come back local spirit- ualists are fully expecting to hear from Houdini.” One musical event touched on the possibility of presidential candidacy on the part of Vice President Dawes. Following introduction of “the two most famous personages on the politi- cal vaudeville stage, the Dawes Duo, Helen and Maria,” two club members, attired as girl Riddies, skipped to the platform, both smoking the familiar Dawes pipes. They s#ng a duet, of which the concluding verses were: Soon it will be twenty-eight, Helen, Maria; Time again to nominate Helen, Maria.’ ] The G. O. P. convention may meet without a fear; If- it should send for us, we'll do a Paul Revere. If to make a winning race, Helen, Maria, They should put us in first place, Helen, Maria, They'll hear, if they should open to us the White House door, “Not at all. The wets won your case is solved.” R»elecb ing Swmith and \Wagne:.” 8 Things in the White Houpe that it never heard before. Souvenirs of fhedinner were fur- d in the form of “The Gridiron Sporting Guide of 1926, which was dedicated to the late Arthur Wallace Dunn, a former president of the club, under whose direction work upon it had been started. The book contained a series of caricatures by C. K, Berry- man, the retiring president; jingles, a crossword puzzle and an advertising section. In the latter were found édullient praise for the brand of elec- tric horse used by President Coolidge and glowing indorsements of “Sound- less Sneakers” by Frank W. Stearns and Senator J. Thomas Heflin. President’s Attitude. One section presented confidential information on the President’s atti- tude toward all sports. In another werg extracts from Grover Cleveland's book on fishing which had a timely flavor, though there were some who wondered whether the remarks were serious or written in jest by the Gridiron entertainers. One of the striking cartoons showed Secretary Andrew W. Mellon and Senator James Couzens in an $11,000,000 back-tax bout, adverting to the assessment pla¢ed upon the Senator at the time he was investigating the Internal Reve- nue Bureau. Republican Leader Charles Curtis of Kansas, who once rode as a jockey, was shown trying to ride the insurgent goat and G. O. P. elephant at one and the same time. The song to President Coolidge was a parody on “Let Me Call You Sweet- heart, I'm in Love With You.' It was sung in the dark as two large pic- tures, drawn by Berryman, were flashed. .One was a demure ‘‘Miss 1928” and the other a splendid like- ness of Mr. Coolidge waving a hand- kerchief at her. First the Gridiron Quartet, then the entire club, sang: Let me call you sweetheart, I'm in love with you. Don't take some one else who would not be as true; For the Grand Old Party no one else would do— L Let me call you sweetheart, I'm in love with you.” Besides the President, the speakers were Charles Evans Hughes, former Secretary of State, and Senator Oscar W. Underwood of Alabama. The guests: The President of the United States. The Vice President of the United States. The Speaker of the House of Rep- resentatives. The Secretary of State. The Secretary of the Treasury. The Secretary of War. The Attorney General. The Postmaster General. The Secretary of the Navy. The Secretary the Interfor. Lhe Secretary ol Agriculture. i The Secretary of Commerce. The Secretary of Labor. The Minister from Poland Franklin_Adams, counselor American Union. George Akerson, Washington, D. C. Paul Y. Anderson, St. Louis Dis- Pan- . Avrmstrong, jr., the Los Angeles Times. T. Q. Asburn, James C. City. . H. Aylesworth, New York City. Bacharach, Representative. | brigadier general, C | Auchincloss, New York Baker, the Cleveland David 8. Barry, jr., major, - M. C. James Richard Barry, commander, U. S. N. James V. Bardy, vice president, Metropolitan Life Insurance Co. B. M. Baruch, New' York City. E. Ross Bartley, secretary to the Vice President. Norman W. Baxter, the Washing- ton Post. R gt Charles K. Berry, Washington, D. C. James T. Berryman, The Washing- ton Evening Star. Karl A. Bickel, United Press Asso- clation. % John Billinger, ji., Brooklyn Daily lieutenant | | le. \%/arren Bishop, the Nation's Busi- ness. Joseph A. Blondell, Baltimore, Md. J. B. Bonner, Washington, D. C. Joseph Howard Blain, Washington, D.C. Stuart 0. D. C. L. M. Boomer, New York City. Dr. Joel T. Boone, lieutenant com- mander, U. 8. N. George G. Booth, the Detroit News. George C. Bowie, Washington, D. C. Danfel M. Bowmar, Versailles, Ky. Raymond P. Brandt, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. Dr. Paris E. Brengle, Washington, D. C. Dr. Robert C. Brooks, Swathmore College, Pa. ‘Walter Brownley, C. D.C. H. K. Butler, Akron, Ohio. Willlam M. Butler, Senator from Massachusetts. Harry Flood Byrd, Governor of Virginia. W. J. Cameron, the Dearborn In- dependent. Johnston B. Campbell, Commerce Commission. Col. John H. Carroll, Washington, Blythe, Washington, ‘Washington, Interstate Raymond C. Carroll, the Philadel- phia Public Ledger. John Cassel, the New York Evening ‘World. Rev. J. BE. Cavanagh, New York Y. Charles Garfield, Chicago, Il John W, Childress. Robert B. Choate, Boston Herald. Pdward T. Clark, personal secretary to the President. . Frank 8. Clai ‘Bostorn, Mass. Henry T. Claus, the Boston Evening ‘Transcript. Frank R. Coates, New York City. George M. Cook, Chicago, Ill. Ira C. Copley, Aurora, Ill. Bdward L. Corbett, New York City. Karl W. Corby, Washington, D. C. ‘William 8. Corby, Washington, D. C. Richard Corroon, New York City. James Couzens, Senator from Mich- igan. William Coyne, Wilmington, Del. Robert Crain, Washington, D. C. Harry M. Crandall, Washington, D. C. George D. Crofts, the University of Buffalo. B. Cromelin, Washington, Paul D.C. C. Elmore Cropley, Washington, D. C. Cit Chester T. Crowell, Pompton Lakes, . J.. D.Y.clux Cunningham, “Washington, C. M. Grry, New York City. W. Danzinger, Pittsburgh ‘elegraph. Cilll‘i#! Cnronicle Proctor L. Doligherty, Commissioner | of the District of Columbia. Howard Davis, the New Herald-Tribune. Charles S. Deneen, Senator from Tilinois. Horace Dulin, Washington, D. C William T. Dewart, the New York Sun. C. C. Dill, Senator from Washington. Edward Nelson Dingley, Maine. Henry L. Doherty, New York City. | Arthur S. Draper, the New York Herald-Tribune. Edmund Duffy, Baltimore, Md. David J. Dunigan, Washington, D. C. Gen. Coleman du from Delaware. York Pont, J. Walter Drake, tary of Commerce. Glen E. Edgerton, major, U. 8. A. Robert R. Ellis, Memphis, Tenn. Willlam Endicott, Boston, Mass Richard P. Ernst, Senator from | Kentucky. Donald M. g, New York '‘ity. Walter J. Fahy, New York ‘'ity. | Charles W. Fairfax, Wask.ngton, D. C. Warren C. apolis News. Earl M. Findlay, formerly captain, Army Air Service. Lawrence Fisher, Detroit, Mich. Robert V. Fleming. * Mitchell D. Follansbee, Chicago, Ill. Rudolph Forster, executive clerk, ‘White House. Burton L. French, Representative from Idaho. Walter E. Frew, New York City. Frank H. Funk, Representative. INlinois. E. W. Gableman, the Cincinnati En- quirer. James A. Gallivan, Representative, Massachusetts. Julius A. Garfinckel. D. C. John Work Garrett, Baltimore, Md. Clarence E. Gilmore of Texas. *. Glover, Washington, D. C. T. Grayson, rear admiral, . S. N. Fred W. Green, Governor-elect of Michigan. Luther E. Gregory, rear admiral, 8. N. . Fairbanks, the Indian- ‘Washington, U. ‘Joseph C. Grew, Undersecretary of State. p iliam . Guds, Washington, g Lindley H. Hadley, Representative trom Washington. James Hagermap, jr., Washington, . C. 1. Haldenstein, New York City. Col. Edwin A. Halsey, Washington, DC; Charles A. Hamilton, the Buffalo Times. George R. Hamlin, Washington, D. C. DJnhn Hays Hammond, Washington, . C. ’Frunk A. Hampton of North Caro- na. John H. Hanna, Washington, D. C. Gen. James. G. Harbord, president Radio Corporation of America. Edward W. Harden of New York City. 5 . Ogel Harper of Washington, B. Harrison, Semator from Mis- sissippi. cnmnk ‘W. Harwood, New York iy Harry B. Hawes, Senator from Missouri. F. Eberhard Haynes, New York City. Arthur B. Heaton of Washington, M. E. Hennessey, the Boston Globe. ‘Wililam B. Hibbs, Washington, . C. Dé' D. Percy Hickling, Washington, Frank Hight, Washington, D. C. Charles B. Hilles of New York City. Frank H. Hitchcock, New York ity. Curtis A. Hodges, the Indlanapolis lews. Wililam B. Hodges, treasurer, Re- mmittee. . Washington, D. C. Dr. J. J. Hogan, Vallejo, Calif, Senator Col. Willlam J. Donovan, assistant *lto the Attorney General. Assistant Secre- | B Dr. A. Barnes Hooe, Washington, C. Harry Hoskinson, Washington. D. C. James L. ‘Houghteling. Chicago Daily News. Beale R. Howard, The Washington Evening Star. Wendell D. Howle, the Boston Eve- ning Transeript. ‘Wade: D. Holland, president, Con- tinental Baking Co. Charles Byans Hughes, former Sec- retary of- State. Forest P. Hull. the Boston Evening Transeript. Theodore A. Huntley, the Pittsburgh Post. W. Frank James, Representative from Michigan. Frank R. Jelleff, Washington, D. C. Richard Jervis, Washington, D. C. Herbert L. Jones, New York City. Henry C. Karr., Washington, D, C. S. H. Kauffmann, The Washington Evening Star. Clyde Kelly, Representative from Pennsyivania. Frank R. Kent, the Sun, Baltimore. Willlam E. Knight. Green River, Vt Robert Ripley Lane, Newark News. G.-A. Lyon, Washington Evening Star. Albert D. Lasker. Chicago, Il E. 0. Leatherwood, Representative from Utah. Emanuel Levi, Courler-Journal. George A. Lewis, Washington, D. C. Reuben A. Lewis, the Bankers' Mag azine, New York City. John_A. Lejeune, major general U s. M. C. the Louisville Charles P. Light, Washington, D. C. E. 8. Little, New York City. Thomas P. Littlepage, Washington. D. C. Jesse L. Livermore, New York City. Edward L. Logan, major general, U.S. R. George B. Longan, the Kansas City Star. 2 Paul Lum. Washington, D. C. Dr. Francis S. Machen, Washing- ton, D. C. Harold Mackenzie, Trenton, Martin Madden, Representat! Tllinois John Marshall, General. John H. Marville, Washington, D. . John C. Martin, Philadelphia Public Ledger. Maurice ‘Maschke, Cleveland, Ohio. Julian S. Mason, the New York Evening Post. / Burt McConnell, the Literary Digest. John T. McCutcheon, the Chicago ‘Tribune. John J. McDevitt, jr., Philadelphia. Paul J. McGahan, {he Philadelphia Inquirer. . Charles P. McCurdy, Washington, D. C. Charles E. MecCollough, assistant general passenger agent Pennsylvania Railroad. Walter 8. McLucas, Kansas City, Mo. “Willlam McNeir, Washington, D. C. Larkin K. Mead, New York City. J. Albert Mears,- Washington, D. C. Eugene Myer, Washington, D. C. B. C. Michelson, Washington, D. C. Dr. A. L. Miller, Washington, D. C. Karl W. Miller, the Detroit News. H. W. Miller, vice president of Southern Rallroad. William R. Miller, Washington, D. C. Dr. W. H. Mook, St. Louis, Mo. Charles ' W. Moore, Washington, D. C. Howard Moran, president, District g&nkerl' Assoclation, Washington, . C. William H. Moran, Washington, C. J. ive from Assistant Attorney € the Philadelphia Public Ledger. Lawrence B. Morse, New York City. George H. Moses, Senator, New Hampshire. Arthur C. Mower, New York City. DD:!' J. P. H. Murphy, Washington, n'nco'y L. Neuhauser, Washington, Minm#“'h Washington, D. C. g Newl , The Wasl on Evening Star. e Walter H. Newton, Representative from Minnesota. J. C. Nichols, National Capital Park Commission, Kansas City, Mo. Dr. H. D. Norton, Washington, Frank B. N The Washt Evening Star. 7o T e (Continued on Elev Page) )!