Evening Star Newspaper, June 20, 1926, Page 83

THE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTON, D. O, JUNE 20, 1 926—PART 5. Restful Summer Experiences and the Appeal From Alma Mater Vacation Will Become Real Pleasure | If the Hostess Shows the Right Spirit BY NINA WILCOX PUTNAM. HI subject of dishwashing and | anything that could be said against it come up between I nd George, that's my hus- and, when we started to plan out our Summer vacation. \Well Jennie, he says to me, the boss sk the calendar today and a coupla weeks out of it for my wn persoral use. What'll we do with now that we got it? And I says, well, dear, here we got this lovely home with a nice yard and all, why don't we be sensible thi: and spend U here? There are lots of little things ou could do around the place. And Ge: vs at once I was speak- ing about vacations, not extra jobs, besides, my dear, 1 think that for 1w sake we oughter have a change, ke we have every yr., also for Jun- how about going up to the Sap- a Golf Club and taking a bun. galoo? And 1 says huh! so you could be 1 1 i hout on ¢ washing 1ttending t domestic line, fast dishes to get in thne to dirty up the the dinner dish- ne to dirty up the shes and etc. No, George, T bungaloo t summer, on am talking about vacations, you are Well then wain Sr es washed betore how about camping out some place, I hear where there s a lovely spot on lake Whoops- emup! And I says, well, dear, the only spot 1 would see there would be a grease spot, and all the change I would get would be the rustic employ- ment of washing tin plates in nature’s dishpan, meaning the lake, instead of china dishes in a human one, no, it’s too hard on the small of the back, what I want is a complete vacation where T don’t hafto ralse a hand and have nothing to do but en self. And Geo. says well, how about go- ing to Newport and taking a fifty roon furnished house with twelve servants, whatter you want, any ways? And I says don’t be sar 1'd hafto wash dishes even there account I wouldn't know any acquaint- | ances and I'd be driven to it to keep my time full. Hot Bozo! I says, where are all those superior brains of yours that you are always telling the boss the office about, why not give me an example of them? Go on, think up some good original place for us to go what will be a novelty. And George give one quick think and sa why not go and pay that t to Aunt Eata, she's been ask: ing us so long now that I feel kinda like we owed it to her. 1 wouldn't wonder if next time she wrote she was to put please remit on the bot- tom of the invitation. We really ought to pay it. | x % % x WELL. it appeared to me that may- be this was a good idea of George's on accou inly had a lovely old house, it was ne of them big enormous houses h was d in the days when ired gir of three dollars week, and and potatoes to feed ‘e on to about fifteen cents w meal. Of course Aunt Eata didn't have no 3 Amazon help any more, she done her own work and w0t living there alone like she but the grounds was a fine place Junior to play around in and it sce quiet town. ven further, it wouldn't s a cent, which would be a distinct novelty where we and vaca- | tions was concerned. Besides, it would give me a complete rest, vis- iting somebody else’'s house. So I set right down and wrote her a lef ter and says i she still wanted us, why we would be delighted to come, but please be perfectly frank in sa; ing no if it wasn't convenfent as I would understand perfectly. So she wrote bac nice letter and says do come by all means and get a hugh rest, wasn't gonner me lift a hand the whole while, Aunt Eata cer-| lotted | | past e thought it was high time T had ange from home, although didn't suppose there was ever left over from what Geo. 5 And etc any | “I WONT NTERFERE, I KNOW IT IS EASIER TO DO THEM THING! ONE'S OWN WAY Well, I don't know how it is with other families, but in mine we are peculiar, we think the world of each other just so long as most world ‘lays between us. Then we will get a idea, we simply must see cach other, and in spite of all perience to the contrary, wl we will do so and even when we go a long way for a little visit, we pretty soon find out that a little goes a long way But when I and George and Junior arrove at Lasthope, which is where Aunt Eata lives, we certainly was see each other und that big se. We arrove towards evening, and T hadn’t hardly parked my hat before I realized where sup- per wasn't vet ready. So I say what can I do to help, Aunt Eata? And she says now I don't want you to do a thing, just rest and enjoy yourself, but if you feel like cutting the bread and getting the ice water and setting the table and the chops and potatoes, why do_the rest. So I loafed around like she had hinted for me to do. and we finished supper, and then I says now can't I help you with the dishes, meaning no I can't. But Aunt Eata says oh no, my dear, still if you insist, why the towels are on that rack right behind the stove. So if you don’t mind do- ing the dishes I will appreciate ft. I won't interfere. I know it is easier to do them things one's own way, so while you are doing it I will attend to everything else, such as putting out the cat and getting George to lock up. I will i ELL, she certainly was making me feel right at home, Hot Bozo! I would scarcely have known I was visiting. And the next morning she went right on with the same hospit- able ways, and I certainly begun to really appreciate that big old house with fts quaint old-fashioned layout. Now Jennie, dear, says Aunt Eata, when I had got the breakfast ready 1 don’t want you to do a thing, don't raise a hand. Well, when she says don’t raise a hand I realized where she probably meant not to raise it against her, and she bein woman, why naturally T wouldn't do such a thing But when T see wh allowed | ting the vacuum cleaner ! and showed no signs of disturbing the of the | cooking | broom or dustpan at any such early hour, why it came over me it was really my duty to take the poor things out and give 'em their daily dozen before they got sick from lack of ex- ercise. No I put a spirit of seventy- six around my head and trotted out the necessary implements of domes- tic warfare. Why Jennie, my dear, says Aunt Fata, now don’t do that, you know I want you to leave the house he, unless of course you absolutely in- sist. No that's a shame, I hate to| have you do it, you know I'd a whole | lot rather vou didn't raise a finger. And 1 says'T am raising no finger. 1| am merely ralsing a little dust, 1! don't mind a bit unless you do. And he says why I wouldn't insult you by preventing you if you really wanner clean, why go ahead, but I don't want vou to do a single thing except | the parlor carpet, take up the wash out the curtains, polish | the mirrors, and I personally myself will do evervthing else such as | throwing out the old flowers und call- ing the grocer on the phone. I don't want you to do too much, it's a shame, please take it easy now! Well, Aunt Eata had one of them old style plush carpets where you can sweep the pattern off them and still they ain’t clean, and there | acres of said carpet in r alone. Not that it was exactly | t morning, on uccount T was But after I had give it | | the first decent ¢ ng it had rec'd | in some mons. T turned the vacuum | | on to my own personal self and got leaned up just in time to help Aunt a make some Jelly. Then I says | now you better leave me help get | dinner, so she says well, if you are | o kind as to insist I guess I can't | prevent you. And so I got it, and| after, she very kindly didn't inter- fere again with me washing the dishes my own way * % Wm»:x it come to washing day’ Aunt Eata didn't neglect me | none, either. In fact, she was real generous about seeing I wasn't over- looked Now vou just George's | par | alone th | also there. * | put all your things nd Junior’s right in. she says, don't hesitate to make it as big a wash as you want. And I says oh I don’t want to burden you! And she says no fear, dear, 1 won't| allow you to. And I says but Aunt! the | 2 | us a nickel, but I'll bet it feels good | Eata, 1 dunno the first thing about washing clothes, I'm afraid I can't be the least bit of help to you. And she says oh don’t worry over that, I think Its mighty sweet of you to insist on helping. So if you will just get them things washed, and hung out on the line, why I will watch them to make sure the dog don’t pull down, don't be so modest dear, sure you can launder lovely! Hot Bozo! I must say where Aunt | ta didn’t leave me raise a hand with the mending neither. [ used both hands. And when it come to little jobs such as mowing the lawn, weeding the garden, cleaning out the attic and making beds, be-. lieve you me, I made every kind of a bed while there, including gera nium, hot-beds, and four-posters. But the most 1 did was wash s, on account how could T let a old lady | like that do it when she would keep saying, no, no, dear, it is my turn this time, ‘and then turn her back, which was the only turn she ever took? Well anyway thorough rest says the tern . after two weeks of us per see above, Geo. s served, we are going S0 he called a ambulance in and Aunt Eata told in 'ectionate. , I want you and make f the -, and just | t home and not obliged i to do a single thing while you are | here, now I'm gonner ask vou real bon again and 1 won't take no for a answer, and g me goodt Now, 1 me yourse feel perfectly . give the signal to drive f somehow and another he £ot me home and the next day he says | to me well, Jennie, that was a pretty good vacation, eh? And it didn’t cost to be where you have everything vour own way and .convenient? And I vs well, T guess it was a good va- | ation for Aunt Eata, anyways. As r me I guess I gotter go right on inging them housewife blu Ana he says what blues? And T you know' the old classic song: “Dishes to dishes, Duster to dust If the cooking don't get you Then the fce box must.” The next time I take a vacation ! it's gonner be in a onearm lunch where I can at least get some kinda change:! (Covyright. 1020.) Servant Problem on the Great Estate Easily Solved by Showing Right Spirit BY STEPHEN LEACOCK. standing on the my friend Mr. palatial new place that he had bullt in the newest of the new mountain resorts—inaccessible ex- ept by limousine cars. The house is beautiful old Elizabethan structure, brand-new, filled with priceless new old masters and old objects d'art all new. But it seems that even in such a paradise there is found the snake of trouble. And the trouble is with the new old servants. Mr. Newrich and 1 and one of Mrs. Newrich’s lady friends were standing admiring the house and the View, when Mr. Newrich suddenly inter- vupted our conversation. “Excuse me just broke off, “while I smooth out the gravel where you are standing. You've rather disturbed it, I am afrai “Oh, T am awfully sorry” Oh, not at all. not at host. “I don’t mind in the least. 15 only on account of McAlister.” T asked. ener. He e us walk on the scuffs up the vel S0, times one forgets. “Our Scotch rich explained, ter. 1 don't know inother like him. Do you know, he simply won't allow us tuv pick the voses; and if any of us walk across the grass he is furlous. And he posi: tively refuses to let us use the vege- tables. 1f we took any of his young pe 1is early cucumbers, he would leave. We are to have them later on when jie is finished growing then ‘How delightful to have se vants of that sort’ murmured the lady friend, “so devoted an a minute,” he I said. aid my It doesn’t care to gravel paths. It £ But some- ner,” Mrs, Ni a perfect chai ow we could He told me quite plainly that | | “THE OTHER DAY OUR ARBOR, FOUND ONE OF THERE READING. OF COURS] RDE! h OUR GUESTS ACTUALLY 1 ‘R, WHEN HE WENT TO THE SITTING HE WAS FURIOUS.” so dif- | for the moment that he would give serent from servants on this side of | potice on the spot.” the water. Just imagine, my dear, my chauffeur, when vado, aswwally threatened to leave me merely because I wanted to his wages. I think it's these wretched labor unions. “I'm sure it is. trouble with McAlister at times. but Jio is always very reasonable when we put things in the right light. Last week, for example, T was afraid that we had gone too far with him. He s always accumstomed to have quart of beér every morning at half- past 10—the maids are told to bring it out to him—and after that he goes to sleep in the little arbor beside the tulip bed. And the other day when he went there he found that one of our guests, who hadn’t been told, was actually sitting there reading. Of course, he was furious. 1 was afraid reduce | 1 was in Colo- | | person Of course, we have | course |that evening he dug up | tulips and threw them over the fence. | We “What would you have done”" 4 tively, my dear, I don't know. But we explained to him at once that it was only an accident and that the hadn’t known and that of wouldn't occur again. After that he was softened a little, but he himself, and 1 the new went off muttering to aw him do it, but we didn’t dare W unything.” “Oh, no,” echoed you had, you him.” “Exactly. And 1 don't think we could possibly get another man like him. at least not on this side of the water."” “But come,” said Mrs. Newrich, “T thiuk we must go and dress for din- other have the might Jady lost ner. Franklin will be frightfully put fout if we are late. Franklin is our { butler,” ‘she went on, seelng that I didn’t understand the reference, “and as we brought him out from England we have to be rather careful. ith ood man like Franklin one is al- /s so afraid of losing him—and after last night we have to be doubly careful. “Why last.night?” T asked. |- much,” said Mrs. 12 “In fact, it was merely an | | Only it just chanced that |at dinner, quite late in the meal, when we had had nearly everything (we | dine very simply here), Mr. N s p who was thirsty and who an't | really thinking what he was s | asked Franklin to give him of hock. Franklin said at once, ‘I am sorry, sir; 1 don't care to serve my hock ‘after the entree!'" wasn't | eruption, it would probably be a te | filled wi | magnified 15,500 diameters. | A vibration of even this infinitesimal *“And, of course, he was right,” the lady friend with emph “Exactly; he was perfectly right. | know, you know. We were raid there might be trouble, but Mr. Newrich went and saw Frankiin after- wards and he Lehaved very well ove it. ‘But supnose we go and dres: It's half past 6 already, and we've only an hou And ever after this little conversa- tion T have known what is meant by the burden and responsibility of wealth and the sorrows of the super- rich. said (Copyright. 1926.) Giant Volcanoes Found. HREE more voleanoes have been | added to the map of American ter- ritor; and two of the new craters rank with the glants among the fire- mountains of the world. The mewly mapped volcanoes lie in the Aleutian Peninsula, the long tongue that juts out from the mainland of Alaska be- tween the Bering Sea and the Pacific Ocean, 1T trip of land, which con- tains mo ctive and extinet vole noes than all the rest of North Amer- ica, has as yet been very little ex- plored. One of the mountains is 6,000 high, with @ crater five miles across. It shows signs of having been active in recent times, and a record dated the same If it should stage a really major | for the whole vast bowl is h a mass of ice and snow, cone rific_one through which a black projects at one place. n sea inside the crater feeds at least nine large glaciers that creep down the sides of the mountain. World’s Record Photo. HE world's record for photography under a high power microscope has been broken for the third suc- cessive time by Robert G. Guthrie, chlef metallurgist of a gas company in Chicago. He recently succeeded in taking a picture of a plece of steel What an immense magnification this is cun be appreciated by realizing that a 25-cent piece, it actually enlarged that many times, would be o quarter of a_mile across. Mr. Guthrie’s apparatus can sepa- | rate and photograph structures that are only 1-200,000th of an inch thick Qistance is enough to spoil the expos- ure, which takes from one-half to one and a half hours. The lens is 8o pow- erful that the section which is re- corded on the photographic plate is quite indistinguishable and invistble to the human eve. | will sign x a free cof 1 who ever { tween a cum and a ham and when my | Friends of the Perfect Fool Discover Various Kinds of Remarkable Freaks BY ED. WYNN. EAR MR. WYNN: My wife and I had an argument last night about the Army. My wie says, In order for a man to be buried with “military honors” he must be a captain, while I say he must be a general. Which of us is right? Yours truly, LEW TENANT. Answer:—You are both wrong. order for a man, in the Army, to be buried with full military honors, he must be dead. Dear Mr. Wynn: After a weading ceremony the minister generally says: I now pronounce you ‘‘one. My mother always says that she and papa are “ten.”” How does she make that out? In Truly vours Bl mother “one’ FLUOT probably | and your Answer:—Your figures that she father is “nothing iw Dear Mr. Wynn man who passes our house every day and I notice no matter how hard it rains he never carries an umbrella. How do you accout for that? Truly yours, L ¢. HIMM, Answer:—That is very easlly ac counted for. He most likely eats a lot of salt mackerel and that keeps him dry. Dear Mr. Wynn: 1 have often heard An actor, on the stage, tell a joke and then hear some one in the audience call the joke a chestnut. What is th resemblance of a joke to a chestnut? Sincerely, I. M. A. GIGGL! ~You can't tell till Answer is | cracked Dear Mr. the expres flying colors? Yo it s meant by | e down with | OHSMART. Answer:—That expression is used | when a painter falls off a high build- | {ing with 1 pot of paint in his hand Dear Mr. Wynn: Would you be| kind enough to tell me the best wa to remove paint? | Yours truly, Answer: a man 49 | ed all over returned_to T have a big T have spen . but still hav invested, to )(m-p‘ life. T think | years of I have travi the world and have just settle down in Ame problem to solve first nearly all my mone enough, i proper! me for the rest of n | without a mouth and without T have a bright {dea. T intend open- ing a school for “stuttering.” What do you think of my idea? Answer:—Your idea is all gight, but who w utte 1GO BACK FORTH 1 1ts to go to school to learn to ! Dear Mr. Wynn nd claim to kn mue here's for you. Answer this—Did vou er see a dog without eyes, without without hair, without a mnose, You on ears, Yours truly, VETTER N. ARIF Yes v a dog like that dog Answer a “hot Dear Mr. Wynn: 1 am s hoy vears' old, and am in the ninth gr in school. In my English lesson next week I must write an es in which I have to use three words meaning the direct opposite to the f¢ wing three words: “Misery,” Woe. know the misery happiness” I know the opposite to “joy,” but the other v Will' you_please tell me to “woe?* row 1 posite nd is me opposite | rrow’ the Yours truly DICK SHONARY UicY AICKRY t-20 “HE CAME DOWN WITH FLYING COLORS” doesn’t knc posite to *woe” d the and who is man make: What does he Sincerely your: 18511 WRIGHT. T FOOL. Sometimes a Technical School Course Will Lead to Great Literary Results BY RING LARDNER. ' 0 the Editpr: I 1 before but wil anyway, namely our mail s a whole lot lke | answering the telephone and | 99 times out of & 100 you wished you | | | v of said this say it ain that opening had not of done nei 1 suppose there is exception to this rule like for inst. in the case of a beautiful young gal who the most of their mail is love letters and probably gives them but they ain’t no mash note nd the majority of same will T send a donation Fallen Fleas or the Cow Clinie, or will T write | ticle free gratis for | the monthly magazine gotten cut by students at the Okla- . Academy of Razer Stropping | E 1 can pick my own subject, but be ure and make it a good one and they name to it and send me f the issue in which it to the Hom Communit a 3,000 wd “Tantrums,’ | | { | | appears. These and similar trivial requests is a common occurrence amongst the daily gist of incoming mail, but you | could of knocked me over with one of | the abutments of the §9th street bridge when a letter arrived last wk. from Armour Institute of Technology in the thriving city of Chi, saying that | had been supporting same in the past was not going to be able to support it no longer in the style to which it had been accustomed and therefore they were calling on old | grads and aluminum of all kinds to rally round the flag and in a wd. how much was I willing to subscribe. Now friends vou haven't no idear what T wouldn't do for old Armour, in fact T feel like they’s no ck me to ever get anywhere n with same and I know you will agree with me if 1 give you a brief outline of what somebody has nicknamed my | collegiate career. | It was a career that was probably | unique in the annuals of Armour or any other institution of higher learn- ing. In the first place I entered dur- ing the second wk. in January which nobody else had ever thought of doing | before. The regular time for entering | was October or Kebruary, but they | must of thought 1 had been there | right along or didn't know 1 was there vet, anyway I got in without no ob- | jectton. T had been told at home that T was to study mechanical engineering | and 1 can't think of no walk in life | for which T had more of a natural | bent unless it would be hostess at a I had went through a yr. in high school without of physics | | “THIS GIVE ME PLENTY OF TIME TO PRACTICE ON THE CORNET.” never finding out the difference be- toothbrush hook come loose on the | bathroom wall I had to ask central | which way you turned a screw to tighten it up. ‘Well, my curriculum at Armour to begin with was supposed to consist of some more physics, mechanical | specis “HE SAID T MIGHT AS WELI KEEP IT AND MAYBE T COULD M \‘\.\(vl‘: TO PUT A COUPLE MORE GROOVES AND HUMPS IN IT. | drawing, trizonometry, rhetoric i) shop work, but I tigured 1 had dy mastered physis and one look the trigonometry book con- | me that it didn't have enough | st, so T took @ permanent | from them two courses and | ized in the other three. I give| mechanical drawingg second hen I found that I could make le lot funnier pictures without vince love furlou, up wk. a w thre quare. They times a wk. one in class English 1 _did not study to keep up nd this give me tir practice on the W 1 feel like | owe my pres with that instrument to course at dear old the aid of no 1 had rhetoric cla nd as I was the that could even with plen cor ent ers my rhetoric Armour my 10p we ione in the si 1B i | our room telept lidn't need n what v called replica of the Armour pared with Big 5 between on Harbor. t T got in the shop board about 1id he thot T could & more grooves mayhe Clty hoard in n ar sed it to ¥ h was maybe as monkeyed with tired of planing tes T was acquainted home that engineers neither of them to get up early the and plane a board. nd examinations ie with ene of board: th s | speak of next mo 1 the w fond wor atulating me rin tudent in & nd ail, me gettin, 1 old grad for a contribut ¥ L ma memory called o1 fas m ot | the support of m | be aptly termed eithe or the cau going to the amount to the reader correct figures of board ft 4 inches t Lloyd George as Showman and Trader BY WILLIAM H. CRAWFORD. NE one humorously that the way 1o cure a i to give him some property Responsibility also tames 4 man down. The canny Wel id Lloyd Georze, is u striking { both these theories. money from his writings and lecture: and he has hod great re.ponsibility | as the prime minister of England. Therefore, he is no longer a radical. | When 1 first interviewed him about | 25 years ago he was so radical that he talked like a modern Russian Com- | runist: | “The present government of Eng- land is operated for the rich and noble. The poor are oppressed: the poor wi always be oppressed until they throw off the chains which have heen fas- | tened on them by this government. | They need only ert themselves: they have the power, hut do not| know it. “The nobility tected coddled parasites. They lowed to thrive on the body politic. They must be torn from it and made 5 themselves by their own | they must be let to per are parasites- or ud Lloyd George in his rad- | ical days His radical bent had not bean broken by the harness of respon- sibflity. He {2 no less energetic now | not Le out {on the than then. nor o dramatize himself, but he is safe and sound enough to publican andidate for the it he an American he w i privile blood of was_ spad of his home presidency against ering on nation, up the garden L Wiles. \Wheth he had planned to give an ocula demonstration that he a_genuine toiler, 1 do not know would of chara him to have done so. for Lloyd George is & showman. The more violent his words the more savagely he footed down: the spade and the less accu- rately. Several times the blade went so far wide of the space which he was preparing that it struck through the me wits but ter for | an adjoining row of carrots, slicing them wantonly. Just then the dinner bell rang, and Lloyd George, flushed with his un- usual labor, wiped the honest sweat from his broad brow, washed his hands back porch, and we went in to lunch. Tt was a cold cuts rare 1 hard Welsh bread, dressing and milk. Lioyd George toid funny about acquaintances in the nobility Lord Derby and Lord Roseberrs stories were good-natured and m chievous, without a trace of Dbitter stantial, simple meal <t beef. brick ettuce without stories Lioyd | The | ed him if he e Yau his unfriendly ty | ness or contemy 1o exception mate of the r | He chuckled as he re hate the men—in fact, T like—but T do hate what they stand | for Beside Lkespeare tel one must take food while in a good | humor.” Mr. Lloyd is entire niodest cone is trading ability His genius in this line enabled him- by demanding more than he knew he could get—to save England the | supremacy of sea power and a guar | antee to the title of her colonies. | After the World War, like all the | other government leaders, Lloyd | George lost out. He then came t | America to rebuild his material for | tune. with the proceeds of a lecture tour. Besides, the publicity obtained would not do his syndicate stories, | being published in America, any harm. | T met him in Montreal and was with | him on the platform of the hall in { which he gave his first talk. The | building was a g barnlike struc | ture, sea more than 10,000 people, and The ucoustics of | the buflding ry poor: amplifiers were used in ¢ to enable those in the rear to hear. The amplifiers were | the old-fashioned kind which used | sound waves, and consequently they echoed his voice instead of giving lied: “T do not ny of them his ' simultaneous reproduction, (Copyright, 1926.)