Evening Star Newspaper, July 12, 1925, Page 62

6 THE SUNDAY STAR. WASHINGTON, D. C© THE YACHT The Efficient Person in a Situation Where Efficiency Fails to Function. HEN Mrs. Alice Thorpe, with her black Pomeranian, arrived at the Hard from the railroad station she at once picked out a small faunch among .the hoats that bobbing about the sieps, and maotor were said: Is this Mr Yes'm. the launch. She signaled lad who lingered in the rear with her valise. The valise was dropped into the forward part of the launch, Mrs. Thorpe placed her- self and dog in the stern sheets, the engine suddenly began to throb, and the launch threaded out into the mid dle of the creek. leaving a wake of Doiling foam. There had been no de- lay. no misunderstanding. no bung ling. no slip. The telegraphic arrange- ments for taking Thorpe on hoard the yacht had worked to perfec- tion. Efficiency reigned Aged 27, slim, not tall, Alice was a capable woman. Her eyes had the capable look which many men dislike, for while they appreciate the con’ veniences of efficiency in a girl, they to prefer the efficiency to be modestly masked by an appearance of helplessness Alice néither disguised nor flaunted the fact that she was capable. Her | eves had also the look of one accus.| tomed o give orders that were obeyed. The dog was supposed 10 be the only | Pomeranian on earth not given to habitual vapping. Alice had purged it of the hereditary Pomeranian curse | Ly replying instantly to every yap with a sound smack on the head his Pomeranian’s beautitul Aitractive fiznre in clothes dancer. with a hody thal always sur prised her ers by its extraordi-| nary vieldingness, responsiveness and flexibility. A man having danced with her for the first time would remember her physical elasticity for davs, to say othing of her sudden. eager smiles at puckered all the skin around her “Which the yacht?” asked Alice| the sailor { He was tidily dressed. but had an untidy mop of red hair escaping from | his white cap, and a shapeless, ugly ce. and his manner was somewhat | gruff. She knew that he must he| eter, the steward and handy She did not care for him. and already decided that he did not for her Her's Thorpe's seem mistress, if especiallv in She was a fine | an pa by of he | man had care ing at the mouth of the| creck in the river,” said Peter. point ing ‘That's her, that ketch with the Dblue ensign at the mizzen Alice did know what & mizzen ‘Wwas nor that the blue ensign was a flag. Peter's incomprehensible indica tion, however. merely increased her sense of mystery and expectancy. The moment was thrilling for her | . q!”“, had met her husband when *? hoth of them were in uniform in France. She had married him in Lon- don impulsively, because they were mad for each other A week later he had been swept off to Mesopotamia Then, having got out of uniform, she | had become organizing secretary to a | political body. and had had to go to| America on its business. During her sence James Thorpe had received unexpected leave. But her conscience wvould not allow her to depart from the U'nited States until her work was done. and she exulted in her work. Some caprice of the political body ended it in an hour by cable. She had obtained a berth on 2 Liverpool. hound. liner the very next dav. { She might have cabled the news to | her husband, but she found some.| where in her 'mind a piquant pleasure | in the notion of surprising him. She| surprised him by a telegram from Liv- ' erpool. She knew that he was out of the army and in business. The uncon ventional wording of his reply to her | telegram enchanted her. He was| Yachting alone. Of course. he had| been for meeting her in London, but| she would have none of it | “You shall receive me on vour| yacht,” she had telegraphed. As she| Wwas an expert organizer and he was an expert organizer, the arrangements following this decision of hers were easy enough. She was now afraid, and her fear was romantic and terrible. She had not ween her husband for nearly two years. Would he prove on further @cquaintance to be somebody quite other than the image established in her heart? | That's her.” said Peter to the com. | posed young lady opposite him, point-| inz again She almost exclaimed It's a very small yacht, isn't it?” But restrained herself. She caught sight of a name on a lifebuoy hung in the yvacht's rig.| Eing. The name was Alice But T thought the yacht Hermes,"" she said Guv'nor had her name changed last month.” gloomily answered Peter, as it were with resentment | “'And now he’s called it Alice.” said Alice herself. And the situation appeared to he rather disconcerting. Her husband loomed perpendieu- | 1y over her Hullor™ he cried She answered in “Well? was called to saluting weak voice Her face was burning She seized the white tripped up the stairway clntched at her hand. Come helow and he mnrmured He pushec undey ropes and tall and Tim see the saloon 1 her to &' mahogany siair the main hoom. and no ooner were they ont of it of the deck than he kissed her with rather more than his old accustomed violence. And the situation was acutely discon certing again, but differently There was a pattering of feef on the staircase and the dog bounded into the saloon. “Oh this is Fifi Jim praised stroked her » * ]{Y SBAND and wife sat side by side in the saloon, and talked rather self-consciopsly abont nothin~ which w rather strange. seeing that each of them had ten thousand exciting matters to impart to the other. Still. It was all right. Alice.knew it was all right, and she knew that Jim knew it was all rizht. They were strangers in one way and the most intimates in | another. It might he A that the saloon held four people. not twao. Oh! What's that funny thing?" Alice demanded. pointing 1o a very complicated kind of dial with a finger on it that was screwed face down. ward the saloon ceiling That Oh! That's a com that I can see the course of when I'ni naviez my the finger's Fifi. T'd forgotten von: Jim the doz highly and| sa to pass so he ship meals 3t moving round!” Then you may be sure the yacht's maving right round, too. Then we are off —already”" And Jim said in his stern, sardoni@ | tone Didn't hauled peller?” The fact was that Alice had not no-. | ticed the loud clacking of the anchor chain, her powers of observation hav. ing been temporarily impaired by the surpassing interest of her own private sensations. As for the propeller. she had in a vague mapner been aware of a general vibrafion, §ut had not attributed it to anvthing in particular: #he did not even know that the yacht possessed a propeller. She admired tremendensiy the inter- nal arrangements of the yacht -they, right vou hear the anchor heing up? Can't you feel the pro id the sailor in charge of | |auite see | light | did | impending | were so cozy. they were so complete; | the most homelike thing she had ever seen. There was the saloon, or draw- ing reom. and there were a large double sleeping cabin and a small | single one; also there was a tiny bath- room. The multiplicity of cupboards !and drawers delighted her: only in Utopia could she have imagined there was electric light. And there were electric bells Indeed. life on the vacht might he | descrifed as playing at perfect house | keeping. FEverything had a place, and everything had to be in it< place: and ‘every place was full—except the drawers and the mirrored wa'drobe reserved for the use of th> mist: e of the floating home. In the pantry every cup was on a hook; every wine glass was lightly wedged in a fitting s0 that it could not dash itself against another wine glass: and the same with saucers and plates. One sur- mised that even if the yacht turn upside down nothing break. The dinner was very sound. It was strictly pllin—oxtail soup (finned), herring, roast mutton. potatoes, rice pudding—but it was sound. mitted that could not merely cook meat well—he could buy good meat But she pointed cut Pete did not know how would to to Jim lay that the | table properly—the fellow had put the fish knife and fork within the me:t knife and fork—and at Jim's sugges- tion she pointed out the sad rela to Pete personally, with smile. Pete received the correction with a tranguillity too perfect, indicat ing by his nonchalant demeanor that if it pleased madam 1o have the meat knife and fork within the fish knife and fork he had no objection to oblig ing her. but that for himself his soul was above trifies Pete had been nearly three vears Jim spoke with Jim's batman for in the war, ana quite enthusiasm of his qualities. Alice, however, did not what that had to do with the knife-and-fork question * * THEY went on dec was estuary k anchor in another whose quiet waters were full A dinghy toward vacht threw silver at every stroke of the oars. Was obscure and warm and incredible A radlance came from the saloon s and a brighter radiance, sh: IV rectangular, from the open hatch of the forecastle. The crew (four man beings) could be heard talking in the depths of the forecastle. The old skipper appeared and Jim addressed him as “Skipper” with affectionate The yacht now at of phosphorescence. ing mov another close by up fireworks marvelous respect. though he was naught but a | fisherman in Winter and spoke with a terrific Essex accent The skipper disappeared. next Alice glanced round there was no radiance, and no sound. from the forecastle She and Jim were alone in the and miraculous world. enveloped the poemy of water and sky Nevertheless the next morning. in the double cabin. when she awoke very early in the twilight, that singu lar young woman was not utterly happy. That is to sav, she was utterly happy, but at the 'same time she was unhappy—her heart being a huge place where all kinds of contra dictory emotions could roam in com fort without interfering with each other. The floatifg home, then ready begun to function very per tectly for the day. It was presisely the perfect functioning of the organ- ism that upset her. KEvery con trivance in it was man’s con trivance. Woman had had naught to do with it excellence. 1t wonld func tion with the same perfection whether she happened to be there or It was orderly: it was comfortable: i was luxurious. and men had accom plished it and were maintaining it all #y themselves. And the five males appeared o have an understanding among themselves. as if they he longed 1o a secrei monastic or Ma sonic order. She was outside the understanding. She was a woman ornamental. no doubt. bui unneces. sary. Well. she resented fhis in her great happiness. And she petted Fifi. who was ourled within her arm and Fifi resented it also. * * O that the next afternoon Alice had a headache. 1t was a genuine headache, of which the symptoms were genuine pain in the forehead and a general sense of impending calamity. Considering a headache to be the proper thing at this juncture, she had desired to have it. But she gave herself up to uphappiness be. cause she felt herself unnecessary to vast by had al ne | headache, and she had a headache: for she was a capable and thoroughly eff clent woman. Hence. with Fifi, she went and lay down in her bunk in the big cabin. and parted with Jim at the doorway thereof. telling him .hat she not want him to tuck her up. She noticed that the general senge of calamity had already fected .Jim’'s gaze. and she resented that. What justification had Jim to assume that all was not for ihe best on hoard an ideal yachi. seeing ihat her behavior toward him had been pluperfect? He had no justification. Therefore he was in the wrong In her happiness she gave herself up 10 unhappiness. And vel her sec ond marriage - it must be deemed her “HE KISSED HE| TOMED VIOLENCE. ON THE STAIRCAS| ~~ LOON” WITH RATHE were 10| Alice ad- | Pete, for all his defects, | The night | hu- | When | The crew had gone o bed. | af- | second marriage to Jim. the first having been a prelude to the authen tic union—her second marriage was unquestionably a s%ccess. She was {mad about him. He was mad about | her. Nothing could have been more | propitious, more delicious, more ex | citing: more solidly sure. Still she [ felt herself to be outside the monastic or Masonic order of five mutually |comprehending males. And here was the selfsame woman who had com | manded hundreds of fellow creatures in France, saving to them go and they went and come and they came: |and who had positively frightened a | British political body. and startled bigwigs in New York. by the calm. unsentimental power of her horse sense. Most of the persons with whom she had come into contact would have been ready to assert that where a woman’s heart usually is she carried a bundle of pure sagacity, and none would have admitted that she could be subject to fancies. It those people Wwhose respect she had extorted could have seen the charming little creature as she lay all wires and springs and nerves in the bunk! And if they could have looked inside her head! Mar- riage is a most mysterious developer. he worst of it was that Fifi encour- aged Alice in her morbldity. Fifi | understood; she did not argue; she did |not even vap: but the glance of her |eves was a plain statement of the |thesis: “You are always right. and | When the created universe is out of |tune with you the created universe | needs aliering | A MHEN Alice became aware of a vibration, which increased tili it affected the entire ship—the bunk. the water glass. the skvlight, the pillow the matiress, her toes, her temples the propeller was propelling! Never be fore had the propeller been set (o work |While Alice was lying in her bunk. | Why was the propeller now propell- |ing? Did not everybody know that she had a headache? It an outrage that the propeller should he set 10 work |in such circumstances. Soon the pro. peller was doing more than revolve behind the siern-post of the vacht; it | was revolving right inside her poor |head. She rang the bell. A red head | appeared in the doorway. | “Please ask Mr. Thorpe. 1o have that | propeller stopped Peier merely contemptuously shut the door. | _ The propeller 5 minutes, a century laughed amused a sort grin of and was not stopped. In which seemed rather like there was nothing else on earth for Alice save the propeller. It | was revolving not only in her head, | but in every part of her lithe and at tractive body. It was the very thing {to manufacture lunatics. Why had not Jim had the propeller stopped? If you could not silence vour own pro- peller. what point was there in own ing a vacht? Enormous and inexplic- able events were passing on deck—- bumps, thuds, sudden rushes of fest, shouts, bangs. rattlings, thunderings. | clackings. But none of the five mem bers of the monastic or masonic order | showed the least interest in Alice and | her aching head. Ah! The door of the cabin opened. “Better”” asked .Jim, the side of her bunk. ing standing by He was perspir No, At ped. “At ‘lasi!” breathed Alice sardon fcally and eyven bitterly “If you've Zot a headache it’s the most horrible torment one can imagine. [ rang for | Peter hours ago and asked him (o tell vou to stop it.” I'm 5o sorry. my dove. see the propeller couldn’t he stopped We were gzoing up the Blackwater against the ebb. Wind fell to nothing If wed topped the propeller we should certainly have drifted on to a mudbank —and stuck there 1ill next tide. We might have heeled over and filled as the tide fell. Ticklish thing 4 boat drawing 8 feet odd on a falling tide in a river like the Blackwater." “Well, I think some one might have told me. I'm quite capable of under. standing. though perhaps vou mavn't think it Tim's eves glittered My child. 1 never moment “Just so! Just so! And lel me tell o your Peler's extremely rude When 1 asked him. do vou know what | he did? He just laughed—hls horrid sarcastic grin. And I'll thank you to | speak him about his manners to me. Jim, did a surprising | 1anzhed, peartily. | “Well. of course it would strike Peter as comlic, asking for the pro- | peller 10 be stopped In a dead calm | azainst an ebb-tide in this old Black- { water. He laughed when he came on | deck and told me. It appealed to his | sense of humor.” ‘And 1 suppose you all laughed! said Alice. in a loud tone. “You | would!” She raised herself too vio- lently on one elbow. and her head striuck the ceiling above the bunk. ‘Awfully sorry darling?” sald Jim, {very quietly But whether he was | sorrv about Peter’s enormity. or sorry merely abont the head-bumping. Alice could not decide. At any rate the bumping of her head rendered her furions and—quaintly enough—quite cured the headache. Peter is a fool!” she almost shouted “Hush!™ dangercusly she sald. thai moment the propeller stop But you thought for to thing. He 4, A / R_MORE THAN HIS OLD ACCUS- THERE WAS A PATTERING OF FEET E, AND THE DOG BOUNDED INTO THE SA- ) Jim murmured grimly and | By Arnold Bennett And at the same time the skipper's voice was heard on deck: “Let out a couple o' fathoms more chain, Charlle. *x ok o LICE grasped the great truth that if she could hear the skipper, the skipper and crew could hear her, and the still greater truth that volce raising in anger was impossible on | that vacht without open scandal. She would have given about 10 pounds for the privilege of one unrestrained | scream. | Jim whispered uncompromisingly: | “Peter certainly isn't a fool. Also, | he's a particular friend of mine.” | | An awful silence descended upon the | vacht, and in the silence the yacht's| clock, placed over the saloon stairs, could be heard ticking with uncanny loudness. In the late afternoon and early evening Alice ranged about the vessel, chewing the cud of the disco ery that there was no real privacy aboard. There was privacy from eyes, and plenty of it, but there was abso- lutely no privacy from ears if you raised your tone beyond a certain de- gree. And Alice wanted to raise her tone beyond a certain degree. She wanted to do that more -than /she wanted to do anything else, in the world. She examined the dispositions of the vacht again and again with no satisfactory result. It was full of se- cret compartments, but it held no com- partment in which a grand quarrel, row and upset could be comfortably | conducted according (o the rules of | such encounters. As a honeymoon re | sort the yacht was merely absurd. | Alice did not reflect upon the dan-| gerous folly and the bad form and the | gross inefficiency of making a_ scene | on the third day of your second honey- | | moon. She did not even reflect th: man is held 1o be a reasoning animal She reflected simply and exclusively upon her predicament, which was| surely the most singular predicament | that a bride had ever found herself in. But she did not disclose her thoughts. Night fell and a red eye shone forth from the land. She learned that it indicated a jetty on an island which was devoted to the reclamation of habitual drunkards. “Let's row ashore, shall we?"' she| suggested persuasively. | “But the island’s private, you know sald Jim. Here, referring to the affair of the | propelier, she might have revolted and | said angrily | | “Of course. you're against anything | |1 want.” Many women in her | have said just that. But Alice was de | termined to be efcient, and so she B with increased persuasiveness: | till, it would be a bit of a lark, wouldn't it?” Jim gave the order i1o lower the launch and they were taken ashore| and the launch instructed to return in| an hour. Half an hour would have| sufficed for Alice’s purposes, but the captain and two of the crew were also ! in the launch and had to go down viver to fill six heakers with fresh | water from a well in the vicinity. koo place would [66N\JOW." sald Jim, “shall take i stroll and look for reformed {drunkards®” | “I think we'll just stay where ‘we | are.” Alice answered. “I must have an_understanding with you.” he spoke firmly but quietly. The | desire to make a noise seemed 10 have |left her. now that she was free to| make & noise without making & scan. | dal. Both inside and out she was the | self-possessed woman again. the model of efficlency and sagacity “Certainly,” said .Jim. “Let’s under- | stand.” | She was nettled because she thought | | she detected irony in his powerful. al-| utal, masculine voice I've already told you that 1 Peter ought to apologize to me hasn't apologized .to me. Quite contrary.” Jim answered. I knew rhat your mind.\ You're an A-1 but I'm an A-1 dramatic And he proceeded: “‘And, | what's more, 1've already told yvou that | Pete’s a friend of mine. and I don't | like to hear my wife call my friends | fools.”" She then burst eut into one of the most voluptuous of human passions— | overrighteous indignation. She didn't | want any more to be self-possessed efficient, “sagacious, nor to be an ex-| emplary wife, nor to teach a barbaric | husband by the force of Christian ex- ample, nor to do any of the things that serious young wives very properly want to do. She just wanted to let | herself go, and she did. The mys- terious and terrible potion had been brewing for several hours. It now boiled over, surging magnificently up- ward as a_geyser shoots out of the ground. She was at last free of the captivity of the vacht That's just like vou!" she “That’s just like you! You're to risk the whole of onr married life | |in order to indulge vour brutality. | | You once said vou were a brute, and 80 vou are. We've scarcely heen three days together and yet you're spoiling ‘for a row. You think yvou can brow- | beat me, you and vour crew. You can't. You've all done nothing but laugh at me since 1 went on board. Look how you all stood around and smiled condescendingly when I steered. And Heaven knows I only took the! helm because you asked me to. “You're all as thick as thieves to- | Bether, and I'm nobody. I'm only a woman. a doll 1o be petted and laughed at. Do you imagine I wanted to steer 1vour. precious yvacht? Indeed, no! { Give me an Atlantic liner, that’s what |1 say. Your crew do what they like | With you, and you're such a simpleton vou can't see it. They flatter you, and vou're so conceited you swallow it all. And shouldn't I just like to see the food bills for your precious vacht. Why, there's been as much meat cooked for us two in these three days as would keep a family for a fort- night. You pay your crew wages that include their food, and then instead of buying their own food they live on ours. It's as plain as a pikestaff.” In a short pause that followed Jim said: Don't let me interrupt vou. Tell! me when you're quite done, and then| I'll make a shorf speech. But if vou think I'm golng to Iose my temper, old | woman, vou're mistook. | Alice resumed. ! “I said Peter was a fool. So he is. | But he’s also a *lout. And. what's| worse, he's a thief. He steals your| food.” Then Jim, taken unawares, lost his temper. The battle was joined, A big steam tug passed slowly up the river, a nolsy but a noble phenomenon: in the night. They dld not notice it. They noticed nothing except their own dim’ forms, pale faces and glinting | eves; heard nothing but their own voices and the crunching of their rest- less feet on the caked mud of the fore. shore. The old earth was whirling around with credible velocity amid un- counted millions of starry bodies of which it was nearly the very least. The mystery of life was unfathomed. The structure of society was shaken and cracked. Tens of thousands of children were starving in Europe. Frightful problems presented them. selves on every side for solution. The future of the world was dark with fantastic menaces. And the gredt beauty and wistfulness of nature were unimpaired by all these horrors. But we think He! the on cried. | ready | | 1t's supposed |of missis | runs through them all W Rardf— to! And I tell you another thing all| red-headed men are the same.” | A strange glow appeared on the vacht. They not see it Peter hailed faintly from the vacht. | They did not hear him. They were indulging themselves afier resiraint They had gone back 1o the neolithic age after-too much civilization. And the whole fracas was due to the fact | that, on a small yacht, evervbody can hear everything. The ignoble alter- cation was suddenly cut short by the grating of a boat's keel on the muddy shingle—Peter in the dinghy | “Yacht's afire, sir!” Peter called | grimly. Jim came back instant. ““Well, why haven't you put it out, you fool, instead of coming here to | tell me? Do you want the bally ship to be burnt to the water's edge” “Can’t find the extinguisher, sir. to_hang in_ the small but it isn't on its hook. And run out of water on account | baths.’ | dog!” cried Alice. “Shell be did to civilization in an cabin, we've 1y | roasted alive. “I've brought her ashore” sald Peter, pliching the animal ouf of the | dinghy | with the extinguisher N JULY 12, 1925—PART 5. AT Jim rushed shoved her sprang aboard “Stop!”’ shouted Alice. where the extinguisher plunged. Kifi in her_arms. into dark water, and was dragged the dinghy Not onlv had she transgressed ihe rules of the vacht by taking fresh- to K nose and the boat's into the water know She the into water baths, but she had moved the | that into a | nanimity hook | her about extinguisher from locker in order to for her dresses. itn get hook another Once aboard the vessel. she plunged |sure of patriotic and other devotedly bowels through smoke into the thereof and ascended again In three min utes the fire was out. It appeared that some one had thrown a plece of burning rope from the tug. The rope had dropped on (o the saloon hatch The roof of the said hatch was se verely damaged and the coat of the mainsail a little charred; but that was the limit of the catastrophe sk . THH vacht was speeding up the Blackwater in the moonlight to vds Maldon. James Thorpe had taken the wheel. Alice reclined at | | | his feet. | not a bad thing, for 1 “YACHT AFIRE, SIR!™ PETER CALLED GRIMLY. TO CIVILIZATION IN Fifi reclined at Alice’s feef. | The captain and crew weére forward. Alice was perfectly happy. She had | never really been unhappy—and espe- clally had she not been unhappy in| her nervous outpouring of riotous | temper. But now she was in a kind of hliss—a bliss which was height ened by certain pin-pricks. These pin- pricks came from the facts, one, that she had upset the marvelous func- tioning of the ship by misplacing the fire-extinguisher: two, that she had upsel the marvelous economy of ihe ship by using fresh waier instead of salt water for her baths; and three, James in his enormous mag-| had refrained from twitting these lapses. She reflected that, owing to pres- business she had not lost her temper for sev:| eral vears, and probably would not lose it again for several years, and at | any rate to have lost it and safely | found it so early in marriage, and with such an agreeable resuli. was | it had amounted | to a dgsirable and successful experi-| meni. Her powerful common sense | told her that there was s process in | marriage known as “setiling down,” that this process had to be gone | through by all couples, and that and Jim were getting through it quickly and brightly. She knew that she need not apologize 1o Jim, and indeed that he would hate her for JIM CAME BACK AN INSTANT. ER She a apologizing to him by a touch. a glance sitting at his feet Peter came a larder that skylight S ir “Don't im row until misiress abont No. sir Pete deparied Jim murmured You know old Pete isn't a fool Alice had already fully ahsorbed the truth that Peter was not a fool. A man who. placed as Peter was placed had had the presence of mind to thir of the dog and bring the dog 1o =afer ashore—such a man could not sibly be a fool. As for being the othe thing that she had called him course that was absurd, and she hac not meant it. No! She fully adm ted. in the privacy of her mind, tha she had been hopelessly wrong to ¢ Peter a fool. But what she mur mured to Jim in reply was “Why! You called him yourself: Jim pinched she dared not he overheard fered in suffering apologized tone, and b Jittle deck { the sa the was forward anyv more sy mea it you've got to adm pos her arm cruelly cry out lest she sho Therefore she silence and enjoved (Coprright ere IsWhat They Would Try to Do If They Had a Single Month to Live NLY one month more to live Suppose you went one day | to see vour doctor, and out of a clear sky you heard him pronounce that sentence | upon you. | What would vou do? | It is a problem of peculiar personal interest. 1t might happen to any one | of us. The question has been put to various persons. As was (o be ex- pected. their reactions vary widely Some of the answers are conceived in a humorous vein, others take a quizzical or ironic tone. vet an under current of seriousness and sincerity 1t is edifying 10 note how many of our heroes. heroines and celebrities think th would keep on their respective jobs to the last and then square themselvas with duty before fondly taking leave of pleasure. RAYMOND LEE DITMARS, Curator Bronx Park Zoo. D go out on the golf course during hat last month and try my | score down. It wouldn't be much use vyou see, because a month is 100 short a time in which to accomplish much, unless vou have something big on hand that is just about finished. Bur | with golf it is different. 1 feel that might accomplish a lot in a month there. No, the thought of what was going to happen at the end of the month wouldn't_affect my game. Golf is a gloomy game when one is losinz. but when one does get going well it is such an exhilarating sport that not even the thought of death at the end of the month could shatter the enjoy- ment. And T would not take any with the snakes at the Zoo {0 be absolutely sure whole month. 10 eut working, | chances T'd want | of getting the WATTERSON R. ROTHACKER, Film Producer. ¥ ! only had 30 davs to live 1 would spend most of the time trying to get an extension. Failing—well. the last 30 seconds would be crowded Crowded with reviews of the pr less intimate incidents which make this strange and fleeting little life of | ours worth while. Crowded with regrets for things un- done and things done not so well, not 50 cheerfully. ] Crowded with an acute wonder tinged, perhaps, with a slight bit of fear, but tempered—thank God—by the content-inspiring anticipation of the reunion which belongs to all of us who say: “Now I lay me down to | sleep.” 1 would face the “burrier” feeling very sorry for some of my friends who think that Bob Ingersoll was more than an orator. | I would contemplate the Great Ad-| venture with no time or humor for a lost world pun. T would be sorry to leave. WILL H. HAYS, President Motion Picture Producers of America. WORK at this job. S. L. ROTHAFEL Musical Director, Capitol 4 New York City. RANKLY, darned if"T know--but probably would continue on, put my house in_order, go to my enemies, if I could find them, and ask their for- giveness, pay all my bills. I would say exactly what I thought about everything, which would probably make many people glad that I was to go in one month; and, of course, I ‘would want to broadcast just as T always do and tell everybody how it feels to have one month to live, as time progressed toward the end, and then when the end came why I would simply lie right down and die! PAUL WHITEMAN, Master of Jazz. ERE I told that T had but 30 davs| 1o live T fear that at least half | the allotted time would be spent in| recovering from the shock. Not that T consider myself any more cowardly | (“ROXY™), Theater, Alice and Jim ignored everything save the gratification of their base and petty instincts. . Alice. snapped: than the average man who knows that sooner or later he must play his last encore, but. being blessed “What 1 say I stick with a robust physique and capable faces carved out of ' : | v 1 I of enjoying all the pleasures which life - oifers, death sentence would leave me ih frightfully surprised state of mind. unless said sentenc was passed bv a judge, and I assure you that I am a peace-loving and law- #biding citizen. However, were such a drastic sentence imposed. 1 suppose. like any other good Christian. most of my time wonld be devoted to making th God and arranging which would assure the comfort of my family. Could I reconcile myself to my fate. I should like to spend a few days in the wilds of Colo peace | do | the night before my death. enfering the theater for the first night production, go up io the top of the Woolworth tower and obey that im pulse to jump off PETER B. KYNE, Author. MMEDIATELY upon receipt of in dubitable evidence that 1 had but « month to live, and aseuming that 1 would be active and alert up to the last, T would start for San Francisco immediately, because the railroad com panies charge one first-class fare for a corpse, and T don't think it's worth| that to ride in the baggage car. More- over. it would be very undignified to permit the baggage smashers 1o shoot craps on my coffin In San Francisco I would go to Hal ey Mainwaring, manager of the Palace Hotel. and get free board and lodging up to the moment of my death Halsey would also provide parior A to lay me out in, hacause if I should die in his hotel he'd get a lot of advertis ing for the house As soon as possible T would arrange matters | L0 5ell 10 the news reel company mak ing the highest bid the exclusive world motion picture rights on an old tashioned wake that 1 would pull off The rights renewing boyhood acquaintances with | S0 conveved would include motion pir the many objects of nature so dear|lures of the funny faces I would un to me in my younger davs a musician and an exponent of jazz. it would only be natural that I con sider the matter which not only pro vided the means of my livelihood. but which was also a great source ' of pleasure. spend my last Being days in the realm svncopation. doing my utmoest to fur-!during my last month. ther the merits of jazz. encouraging inspiring composers and making as many new phonograph records as pos- sible. T would request that my funeral be in keeping with my life. The music to be supplied by my own orchestra and the funeral dirge 10 be the “Rhapsody in Blue. DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS, Film Star. I knew I had to die at the end of a month 1 would spend most of the time sleeping to gei used to the idea of lying still MISS ELIZABETH MARBURY, Author and Theatrical Manager. BELIEVE absolutely in eternal life. 1f T knew that 1 was to die at the end of a month 1 wolld cer- tainly not go on in just the same old way. T would use that last month to pick up the loose ends of things that I have left undone. I would try to fill that month with acts of kindness and thoughtfulness toward others. This would not be in any trading spirit; you understand, as if bargain- ing for a good place hereafter. It would be because I think every one should spend some time each day in being helpful and encouraging to other people. and if T had only one month left 10 live T would want to do as much of ‘that kind of work as possible during that brief period. FANNIE HURST, Novelist and Magazine Writer. EAD all of Thomas Hardy. Eat all the green pickles there | Notify my ‘friends if they have bou- quets for me to omft them at-the fu- neral and send them while 1-am here. Also do unto them as I'would be done by. 3 Laugh loudly and publicly 3t some of the supposedly m: of our national life. Write the great American play. and as the critics and big wigs with their solemn aspects 1 would earnestly desire to| J'D see that of | | { | cherry stone are mient in the world, doubtedly make at of dissolution the final moment TOM MASSON, Editor and Humorous Writer. the fine art of was adapted for a useful murder purpose First I'd kil off all the cooks I've { had during the past yvear. If you don't think that would take nearly a month, you don't know how many cooks 1've had. Of course, it wouldn’t take so long if the weather were good. When it's hot one doesn't feel like working so_much. There might be time, however, if it were a 3l-day month, to do a little more. LILA LEE, Film Star. F I had but one month more 1o live | on this earth. what a lot of things 1| would not do! Entertainment, for in stance. would be taboo. I'd use the time to appear in two motion pictures | of my awn liking so that 1 would at | last be able 10 do work that conformed to my own idea 1 would invest all my cash in safe interest-bearing securities so that my baby would have ample income until he became of age. By that time he could be counted a ve h man. 1 would insist that my husband. James | Kirkwood, play with me in the two pictures, as he has been my guiding spirit ever since we were married. In short. if T had but a month to| live T would do a double ration of work and thus try to make a little dent in the memory of posterity. NELLIE REVELL, i Author of “Right Off the Chest” and | “Fightin’ Through.” TVEN but 30 days more to live, 1 would cheerfully violate every diet law of the land. Rich, juicy bon- bons would succeed spinach, sans re- grets. Then, preferring to have everything in’its place that last day, T would put | my house in order. I would personally | conduct my radio outfit to a veterans' | hospital. H T would call to my side my two daughters and one grandaughter »nd would painstakingly _explain two | things to that beloved trio. One s that friendship is the greatest invest- Permanency in | noblest | Tate, friendship life's com pensation. | would exact from each of them a solemn promise never malice toward any one. Also 1 tell them thar real happiness cornes through tolerance and forgiveness. Consistently. on the twentv-eighth day, T might even forgive the hote waiters who forget things. and toward the thirtieth day 1 would probably lent toward the telephonic number-getters bheing greatest to bear HELEN HAYES, “Caesar and Cleopatra” Company. I'd « Actress, THE thing assemble rehearsals #h a every critic from here sure 1 couldn't would he “Camille hearse throughout then. on ihe very performance. One advantages of this couldn’t read the morning first war 14 begin a serious classic to Hobol B Probably it Anyway l'd the month last night. give t play pla reviews AN EDITOR, Anonymous. hest psyehic | N has it that th next plane are superior to that which the earth offers. So having alread done my duty by all the eminent na ural masterpieces of this land some others. I should feel that brief space that had been allotted me had better be devoted to experi ences ft might not bhe possible duplicate elsewhere on my through the universe I should realize that 1 either lost or found ma no tvpe of repent rially alter the recor be no time lost in Tn the shortest possible space I'd get my affairs in order and equipped with funds. set quest of Dutch and Sung paintings medieval stained glass and Gorhic architecture, all the accompani ment of the hest fond and the most perfect wine procurable T should begin by revisiting ce tain quarters of the Metropolitan and Hispanic Museums Then on the fastest and urious liner cr to Paris, long gallery and the Greek and the Commondo Monets. Manets in the Louvre—the modern ists and places along the Rue Ia Boetie. dining and lunching at Voisin's. La Rue’s, Au Caneton, d’Argent. experimenting with burgundies, bordeaux information scenery and music on had alre. soul tha uld mate re wonld and self-recrimination ther I forth i most Iu do the marbles Degas their chablis. Two days later T'd be in a swifi monoplane headed for Madrid. After feasting on Velasquez, El Greco anc iova and the best food and wine in Spain. 1'd pass on to Seville, Toledo and Grenada for the architecture perhaps there’d be moonlight for the Alhambra. If time permitted 1 should dip into casonne, but most again the cathedrals at Chartres and Amiens and steep mvself in the A1 mosphere of stained glass and glorinns columns. Then for a series of orgies in Dutch masterpieces in Brussels, Rruges Antwerp and Amsterdam. not forgel ting the wonderful Van Goghs at The Hague. In Holland T'd experiment with liquors and test the most pre- clous vintages of the Rhine. Should the last seven days be spen in Dresden, Munich and Vienna or in London? At this moment T choose the British metropolis, for one does one's self better in England than in German lands just now. So the trusty ntono plane would waft me to Crovdon Thereafter the National Gallery, the and a long session with Law rence Binyon inspecting masterpieces of Chinese art in the British Museum There is still good wine in England and I should discover where the mosi aristocratic pommards, chambertins Lafittes and mouton Rothschilds were to be found, not forgetting the antigue ports. There would be time for the roast beef and game pies of Simpson's and a few theaters before the final curtain. Don't a on the way back Nimes and Car ssuredly 1'd see imagine aught of gluttony about any of these indulgences there would be no deep potations My mission would ever he the pursnft of delicacy and charm—not sxhliare- tion,