Evening Star Newspaper, July 12, 1925, Page 61

'George Stays Home Today Family Decides to Shoot a Few Holes of Golf for Recreation, But There Are Various Preliminaries That Lead Up to a Perfect End. BY NINA WILCOX PUTNAM. § Benjamin Franklin, who wa always the night life of the party in his day, if you get that, well, anyw s he often used to say, Never count your chickens until they said ‘Yes' But as a matter of true fs lin mig pointed out where even has said the fatal word Lite for don't 1 after a lady Wly know much about her. This great truth come up to recognized the other morning Geo that’s my hu d, says me, well Jennie, it’s he says, 1 g I'll stay day and leave the office itself, he says, I'll just 1t home for a change. look after How' his morning? Well, u shock, and it 1ly this was give me the same sink ing feeling it would to any Of course staying home was all it, if he insisted on doing o, be- se it was his house, his money was naying for it. and etc. But when ioned golf, the ceiling n't high enough to hold me down Why George Jules, I says, you must be crazy! Me run out and play golf the first thing in the morning? Noth ing to it! Well, why keeping you” anyvways? Hot Bozo! | simply <wer Couldn’t Whi is correct walked out on that remark to leave him fat. But he vou not? Wha what's ot to do culdn't an simply 1 merely intending or hever tapping with menced ma Oh! them about them one foot while I ng up the beds. he says, I had but they com forgot have) . Frank- | t of zone a little further and | and it is too | the man to back out, he| be | when | to ] pretty hot day, | home to- | take it easy | about | shootin’ a few holes of golf with me | a terrible | normal | won't take you | some time. THE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTO “HE HAD MADE A COMPLETE & he followed | ht into the bedroom and stood | Well, that put me in mind of Jun- ior, and that 1 hadn't seen, nor what | was far worse, heard him in quite So 1 says lost ball, my 4 lot of time, we can shoot a few |eye, donit talk to me about lost bails, hole: hey? of golf when you get through, I just lost a child, what can he be And I says when I get through | doing, 1 got to find him right away 'l be shot full of holes myself. keep [and stop him doing it' out the way I'm busy? But somebody must of Geo. to heel when he was a pup, on account when I went in after the breakfast dishes, he was right behind me. can’t you, don't you see Say, he says for once, he sa ve ou be ou morning Ana lnks with there only was can’'t vou let them ter on the links this says say 1 am liable listen. the only to get in contact this morning is sausage links, iin't a thing in the fce box just enough for I and Junior, I zonner give him the chon that left over from last night and up a little salad myself. but now )t to cook a regular meal toes and everything. Well, says Geo.. let's go out place and then. And I why I thought the whole point you wanted to stay home? shut hiia up and he went on into the living room with a was f T b eat savs, was back kinda helpless air, like he didn't know what | where I had made him sit for puni: to do with himself. BUT pretty soon the doorbell rung, traiped | it's a lovely day, | And so I commenced calling, hey, Junior, where are you, and Geo. sang a tenor to it, and at last we found Junior in the shoe & umbrella closet | under the stairs, where he had just | made a complete success out of cov- ering every part of himself with the shoe blacking. | Well naturally I had to clean him |up, with a lot of help from Geo. who | stood behind me with his hands in his pockets and made remarks such as come on Jennie, hurry up, I'm crazy to get out on the course. And I says good heavens, I go until I'm done. 17 And can't he |be. And T savs that depends om if |the grocer sends the things in time. with | I got to telephone my order now. Well, Geo- followed me to the phone some | and listened to the order as if it was | Cuba on the radio, and by this time |it was up to me to get the potatoes And that | on if they was to be done intime for lunch, and Geo. watched me do so. Then I got Junior out of the chair h- ment, and right away the 'phone rung and it was Mrs. Joe Bush. down the receiver Geo. says lemme answer it, I want to help, and I says and he jumped at the chance for | hush up. do! a little o cor cupation. In a minute he ~ running for help. : Jennie, it's a man from the laundry, he says, he cl sheets they | was nevej them in the firs e what it is all about, he says. So I pushed Geo. out of the way and give the laundry man what little peace of mind I had left, with Geo. standing right behind me tapping that foot of hi si; aling impatience. And just as quick as the laundry man had hollered uncle, and gdne along, Geo. says, say dear, ain't you through now, come on, | Who is | says ims that the |it ain’t, sent to |today. place, you better go | | thing don’t they | | we just ‘got | my Mrs. Bush at once, it sounds like a gentleman, And 1 says oh no, it'’s my husband, he's home ‘And she says oh I'm so sorry dear, is he sick? And I says no, I'm sorry to say he’s not. And she says you poor darling. know how it is, they just upset every- T know Joe stayed home not long ago and all T done was wait on him. And I says yeh, that's me too, T haven't had a chance to do {a thing today, and I intended to get new curtains up. but 1 haven't time to go around before noon if we |had a second, what with him hanging | around. commence on the fifth tee, you know the ome where you always lose the | So Mrs. hall? Our Pick-It-Up-and-Lay-It-Down Habit it's a busy Bush savs, are such a shame, and you woman, says well, how much longer will you | As I took | that you're talking to, dear, | I OUT OF COVERIN SHOE BLACKING.” EVERY are you going to the Thursday Club meeting this afternoon, I suppose you won't be able to get away. And I says no dear, I'll have a lot of extra dishes this noon, and the liv- ing room ain‘t tidied yet, there's not much use doing it when it's being used—vou know, ecigar ashes and | newspapers all over the place. I'm way behind with my work, are you going to thé club, dear? And she says, ves, I really oughn't to go, I got some cherries to pre serve. and if 1 leave them another day they may not keep, whatter you think? And I says, oh, I guess they'll keep, what are you going to wear this afternoon” And she says why T can't decide, | would you wear my black, or my new foulard, it you was me? I'd wear the black, so thin. Well, says Mrs. Bush, I guess I'll wear the new foulard then, the girls has all seen the black so often And | says yes dear, that's a fact I guess I'll have to get something new before the next. meeting. Mabel savs, this is a good time for it. they are having some wonderful sales down at the Emporifum. And 1 says yes, some perfectly | grand sales, well, dear, I guess I got to hang up now, call me up again real spon so’s we can have a little talk. And she says, ves, I must rush, to0, T just wanted to know how you | hear | were, and I'm real about George. Then we hung up and George says for the love of lucy, who was that | you was talking to, was you giving out an interview or what, you been talking over half an hour, come on now,.let'’s beat it, T want to play | some golf! And I says no such sorry to lunch time. And Geo. says, aw forget it. eat later, let’s go right now. And says shame on you George Jules, ain't vou got no consideration for your child? He's got to be fed on | time, if vou ain’t, T can’t go off and Jeave this house any time I | just because you can leave the office. ] got a one-man job, 1 can't quit there is nobody to take my place. let's And I says | it makes you look | And | thing, the potatoes are done, and it's | want, | PART OF HIMS WITH THE | And Geo. savs, all right, @l right, don't hen about it, go ahead and get the lunch, have your own way if you want it! And he banged into the itving room and picked up the morn- ing paper as if he hoped the news had changed since the last three times he had. read it over. 5 x % WF.L I had trouble with the stove, naturally, I did, I always do when I get a little nervous, and so lunch was kinda late. But finally I had it ready, got Junior cleaned up for it, put it on the table, and as soon as that was done, why Geo. decided he would spruce up a little before coming to the table on account | he wasn't home at noon very often So he dashed upstairs and while everything else was getting cold, put on a hot necktfe in my honor, and | then come down, and we ate in the | enthusiastic silence them kind of (os-‘ tive occasions seems to bring about. | Well, says Geo. when we was through, I suppose you are done for | the day now, run up and put on vour golf clothes, and we'll get m a | game before the aftérnoon crowd | starts out. And I says, first I got to get Junior | down for his nap, and sew a coupla buttons on a clean suit for him to | put on when he gets up, and then I’ll run over to Mrs. Goofnah's a min- | ute and see will she keep him while we are owt. And Geo. sayss well, hurry now. or we won't get around | before dark So 1 hurried up and Mrs. Goofnah | was luckily in and I says to her | George is home toda me to play Rolf with him, and I hate | to bother you, but would you take | Junior for about a hour while I play” | And she says oh you poor darling, T | will be delighted to take him, isn't it | awful when they stay home? I sup pose he's prevented vou from doing a single thing all da. | And 1 says he certainly has, 1 haven't had @ minute to get a thing | done, the way a man .can upset a | house is something awful! |dear, T want to show vou some xamA“ ples T got for my shore cottage plazza | furnishings. And I says I only got And the Great American “Tired Feeling” BY SAM HELLMAN. HAT'S happened to mah- jong?’ 1 asks “High » Dome" Finnegan. “It’s gone where the ping pong and the cross- word puzzle twineth,” returns the sage of the second precinct. “The ony sur- prise js that they stuck as long as they did. I guess they outstayed the rest of the fads on account of their heing the least bit cuckooer. It’s funny,” T remarks, philosophic. the way pastimes come and go. It 44 seems like it was only tomorrow when | everybody was hatty about prevailing winds and a fiveletter word ending in G and m ning a five-toed fish that only ate grasshoppers on Sunday.” w funny about it?” comes back Finnegan. “There is only sport the Americans stick to, that's pursuin he piaster- Which?"" 1 inquires Chasing_the cush,” he explains. Dogging the doubloons. Loping after the long And even that has its variation; One year everybody's try- ng to make the mazuma by crashing Wall Strest. Another season and oil wells get the call. real estate se in the deck and They unchanged in't nothing that goes along long in this country. go out and vote the Democratic ticket on account of just being tired of voting for Re- publicans. According to the dope, we're supposed to be the zreatest hus- tlers in the world, but they ain't no- body that gets tired quicker. Well,” T remarks, “that bhad, besides—" “No.” cuts in *“High Dome “it ain't. T guess the guy that took the first bath was just tired of laying around dirty, but this pick-it-up-and- Jay-it-down habit of our folks is got ain't so some bad points, too. We're the best ! little starters in the but the rottenest How do you mean? Take the for example,” cays Finnegan. “We make ever £0 10 one of those things, but we yank em out and slap ‘em into canneries and cotton mills befare the: to what ali the shooting’s about. town goes out and blows itself for a flock of millions to doll up the burg and right in back of the swell plaza they throw up or the nifty city hall vou find a pile of garbage and eight folks sleeping in one bed.” “That’'s because the: enough dough, isn't it?” 1 know. “There's only one thing that doesn't change around here,” growls “High Dome,” “and that’s the vacuum un- der your hat. No, it ain't on account of being shy of the shekels. It's just on account of getting tired. A city with all the jack in the world'll start a swell park in one part of the joint, lose interest before it's fin- ished and go in for public baths in another part of the dump. The re- sults is that the average American town is a mixture of spiffy flower gardens and scabby weed patches, Ever been in Berlin “No,” 1 tells him. Neither have I1,” returns Finne- ‘gan, “so 1 can tel_ypu all about it. universe. finishers.” T asks. among schools, ain't got wants to one | i | | | Right now Florida | [«NJAVBE." | M York or Chicago get as old {that deadfall they'll be just as kitish looking.’ . “I doubt it,” returns “High Dome. “The chances are that the folks'll tired of both towns and start building a couple of new ones just for the change. 1 wouldn't be surs prised in a coupla hundred years to find East Hokokus, N. J., the biggest city in the East. “I'll bet you 10 bucks on that prop- osition,” T offers. You're going to die some day,” says Finnegan, “from a hemorrhage of sporting blood. When I was a youngster,” he goes on, “I lived for a while in a mining camp out in Nevada. There was a lotta gold out there and the town was booming with all kinds of shacks going up. One day ‘Quartz’ Hannegan, who sorta ran the place, makes the crack that Hot Dog was getting all cluttered up—there must have been a hundred houses in the dump—and that he was going to move. So he ups and has his saloon and gambling joint hauled |a couple of miles over the hills and the rest of the town follows him. | They were just tired of Hot Dog.” “I can ‘understand that,” I re- kid | e got hep; A|get 27 i 4 A // THAT'S PURSUIN e “THERE 1S ONLY ONE SPORT THE AMERICANS STICK TO, AND G THE PIASTER.” They started cleaning up .that burg and didn’t get tired of the job until they finished.” .k % I suggests. “when New marks, “seeing that you lived there, but what's alla this got to do with the passing of mah-jong?"" ‘Mah-jong or Hot Dog,” replies | “High Dome,” ‘“‘they're all victims of |that American tired feeling.” “Bunk,” says 1. “If they don't do nothing in this country excepting change from one thing to another how does it happen that they been rllad)mg‘haxe ball for about 60 years and—" Base ball,” interrupts Finnegan, “is got more to do with dollar chas- ing than it has with fly chasing, and, like T told you before, the itch for the iron men is about the only pas- time in this land that's got a perma- nent wate. As far as the sporting aspects is concerned, they's been a lotta changes, ain’t they?” “They used to play it with whisk- ers,” I admits. * ok o* % “IF you can think back 10 years,” call goes on “High Dome,” “you'll re- that they’ve been all kinda varfations rung into the sport—foul strikes, infield popouts, livelier balls, canning the spitter and such. Il wager that the game of cricket's be- ing played in England today exactly as it was when Brian Boru knocked 86 runs offa the delivery of Julius Ceaser. “Take this mah-jong you're asking about. In China they been playing it the same way for 15,000 years. It wasn't_over in this country more'n three days before they chang: fng the rules on it. Is that right' “Maybe,” says T, “but everything | you been pulling don’t prove they is | anything wrong with us gems of the c We just got more progress than | kels on the other side of the “You can call it that,” comes back Finnegan, “if you wants to, but just where does the progress come in mak- ing four balls equal a walk? Where's the progress in making a spade a_bid better than a club bid in bridge? I guess vou think you're making prog- | ress cvery time vou change your shirt.” “Maybe I'm not,” T replies, “but the | laundry butchen is.” | ““The trouble with a lotta folks over here,” says “High Dome.” “is that they ball up progress and change; and—" “You gotta “to make it." “Gotta have what?" asks Finnegan. “Ghange,” I tells him. “You can't get ahead without it.” “We ain't talking money now snaps “High Dome.” I imagine the folks that change the name of Ger- man measles to liberty measles thought they was making progress in medicine.” “I guess you're right,” T agrees. “About what?” inquires Finnegan. “About Americans getting tired quick,” T yawns. “Got any nice fresh new sybjects?” have it,” I interrupts, (Continued from First Page.) possession of the Middleton family, the present owner, in conjunction with Congressman F. G. Newlands of Nevada, recently elected. After the President had retired per- {manently to private life and the | property in the vicinity of what had | been called his “country” homes was built up, the neighborhood took the name of Cleveland Park, in his honor. * Xk % ¥ NOTHER Washington dwelling fa- mous for having served the Presidents ‘“‘from Buchanan to Arthur, including Lincoln,” as a “Summer White House” is at Soldiers’_Home. This structure, which is now generally referred to as the Lincoln Cottage, stands directly back of the big flag- pole near the Eagle gate and imme- diately west of Scott Tower. The lo- tion is one of the highest in the strict, and from it can be obtained an excellent view across the city, which, resting beside the winding river, appears to lie far below. The building itself is 2 modest one, In the beginning if was part of the Riggs es- tate, and at present is used regularly as quarters by some of the inmates of_the home. 3 ‘Walt Whitman, the “brotherhood’ poet, noted many things around Washington in his Specimen Days, one of the most interesting of which tells of seeing Lincoln riding back and i forth from Soldiers’ Home to the White House: “I see the President almost |red and mauve. D. ¢, JULY 12 ‘1 925—PART 5. Painless Pedantry Introduces Some New Wrinkles in Education of the Bright Young Thing, As Old Methods-Are Passing. BY STEPHEN LEACOCK. O you're going back to college this ¥Fall,” I said to Bright Young Thing on the veranda of the Summer hotel. ‘“‘Aren’t you sorry?” “In a way I am,” she sald, “but in 2nother sense I'm glad to go back. One can't loaf all the time. She looked up from her cross-word puzzle with great earnestness. How full of purpose these modern students are, I thought to myself. 113 lege as to a_treadmill. “I know that,” I sald, “but what 1 mean is that college, after all, is a pretty hard grind. Things like mathe. matics and Greek are no joke, are they? In my day, as I remember it, we used to think spherical trigo- nometry about the hardest stuff of the lot.” She looked dubious. “I didn’t elect mathematics,” said. “Oh,” 1 sad, * have to take it. elected?”’ “For this coming half semester— that's six weeks, you know—I've elected soctal endeavor.” “Ah,” I said, “that's since my day. ‘What is it?” “Oh, it's awfully interesting. the study of conditions.” she see. So you don't And what have you It's “What kind of conditions?"” T asked. | All conditions. We take up so | clety.” “And what do you do with it?” Analyze it," she said “But it must mean tremendous lot of books.” “No,” she answered. It's all labora tory work.” “What do you mean by laboratory work?” “Well,” answered the girl student, with a thoughtful look upon her face. “You see, we are supposed to break soclety up into its elements.” “In six weeks?"” Some of the girls do it in six weeks. Some put in a whole semester and take 12 weeks at it.” to break it up pretty thor- 1 sald. “But how do you reading a the girl =said, “it's all done with laboratory work. We take, for instance, department stores and fac- tories. The first thing is the de partment stores. ‘And what do you do with it? We study it as a social germ."” “Ah!” I said, “as a social germ.” just a second, but 1'd love to see them So I and she went on up to her room and for a while she couldn’t find the samples, but she had some dandy new hats, anl I just grabbed a few momen , to try on all of them, and then she found the sam- | ples, and I helped her choose between a cretonne with a pattern of green crocodiles and a Spanish gingham in 1 ain't just which she decided on, but I'm posi- tive it wasn’t the one I did. Well anyways by then I savs I sim | ply got to run, I'm in a awful hurry dear, I'll bring Junior over just as soon as he wakes up. So I flew back home and got Junior up and dressed and took him over, and come right back, practically, and then it only took me a few minutes, maybe thirty more to dress, and then I come down and he wants |in my fighting clothes, and there was | Geo. fast asleep on the morning pa- | per. * ok k% naturally I woke him up, vs great Scott, look what time it is, good heavens woman, do you expect to play around Now? And I s s 1 certainly do, do you suppose I've hurried through my work and gone and washed up and put on all this make-up for nothing? Not much, George, 1 says. I am now And she | ready to spend the day with you, come | stay home again. 1 am gonner vary says have you got a second of two |on and spend it freely.or I'll never let [ the programme a you stay home and interfere with my housekeeping and regular work again' So Geo. savs ah Blank. with a yawn, | the | In | my time we used to go hack to col- | sure | | done with books Al s i T aas | they I believe it is done by field work."” “Field work “Yes, field work four times a week and an excursion every Saturday.” ‘And what do you do in the field work." “The girls," she answered, “go out |in groups anvwhere out of doors and make a of anything see.” “How do_they do that?" “Why, they look at it for example, they come to a or a pond, or anything e, “Well, they look at it “Had they never done that before?" 1 asked. “Ah, but they look at it as a nature unit. Each girl must take 40 units in the course. I think we only do one unit each day we go out “It must,” I said, “be pretty fa tizuing work, and what about the ex cursion?” “That's every Saturday. with Miss Stalk, the professor ambulation.” “And where do you g0?" “Oh, anywhere. One day we g0 per- haps for a trip on a steamer and an other Saturday somewhere in motors and so on.” “Doing what?" T asked “Field work. The aim of the course ~I'm afrald I'm quoting Miss Stalk nature study 1 asked Suppose stream We go out of “STUDYING THE ICE CREAM PARLOR AS A SECTION OF SOCIAL PROTOPLASM.™ d the was see that {derstand, “as a germ. is done in the concrete. oes down with the profe: idmurlmenl store itself | “And then——" “Then they walk all through it as | observers."” | “You mean you don't buy anything |and so you are able to watch every- thing?" *“No,” she said, “it's not that. We ‘do buy things. That's part of it Most of the girls do their shopping But while they Then girl, delighted to | beginning 1o un- | All_the work | The class or to the| | | while they're there. |are there they are observing. afterward they make charts. ! ‘Charts of what?” 1 asked. | “Charts of the employes; thev're {used to show the brain movement | involved.” “Do you find much?" |an right, he says, T suppose 1 will | ha to go drag myself around a coupla holes, let's start on the fourteenth, {just ‘wait a few minutes while I | change my shoes and find my cap and see are my clubs all there, I meant to {look 'em over this morning, but I | didn't get time, I won't be long | | co. crept upstairs softly so's not | e too much ambition, and after had called me three times to heip | him find his other sock, his new Fly. | ing Fish putter, his bow tie, and got 'me to help him button the front of his cap, why we started out, only turning back twice, once for his pipe, and again for his'tobacco, and a coupla times more for matches and another pipe, because he brought the wrong | one.’ first shot. And we reached the | BOIf course in plenty of time to shoot the nineteenth hole before dark When we got home, Geo. brightened up considerable. He was thinking it would soon be morning. ay Jennie, he sa) to me, why }don’t you run in town tomorrow and have a bite of lunch with me? You must get tired of it out here in the suburbs with nothing to do. | Well, that was what might of been called a perfect end. In fact, as flops go, the day had been a complete suc. cess. And so when Geo. decid to I am am | very little. | not ‘gonner shoot any golf. I gonner shoot myself, instead (Cooyright, 1925.) “Well idea is to to a curve “To a curve? in or an out? “No, no, not she said, reduce. hesitatingly, “the all the employes I exclaimed. “An exactly that The {1dea is that from the curve we can|ang get the norm of the employe.” 2 t his norm?” I asked *“Yes, get the norm. That stands for the root form of the employe as a social factor.” “And what can you do with that?’ “Oh, when we have that we can tell what the employe would do under any and every circumstance. At least that's the idea—though I'm really only quoting she added, breaking off in a difident way, “from what Miss Thinker, the professor of social endeavor, says. She’s really fine. She's making a general chart of the female employes of one of the biggest factories to show what per- centage in case of fire would jump out of the window and what per- centage would run to the fire escape. “It's a wonderful course’ I said. ‘““We had nothing like it when I went to college. And does it only take in stores and factories?” “No,"” said the girl, he laboratory work includes for this semester ice- cream parlors as well.” “What do vou do with them?"” “We take them up as social cells, nuclei. I think the professor calls them.” “And how do you go at them?” asked. s “Why, the girls go to them in little laboratory groups and study them?" ““They eat ice cream in them?” “They have to,” she said, “to make it concrete. But, while they are doing it they are considering the ice cream parlor merely as a section of social protoplasm.™ P g07" 1 asked heads each never spares §])OES the professor D™t “ane group. Prof. Thinker herself from work.” “Dear me!” 1 said. kept very busy. And is social en deavor all that you are going to do?” *“No." she answered. “I'm electing a half course work as well.” “Nature work? Well! well! That, T suppose, means cramming up a o of biology and zoology. does it not? 0,” said the gi “You must be in nature not exactly b but 1 don’t mind, she's really fine is to break nature into s ments—* I see as the external and make desuc ) as to view structure of society tions from it Have made “Oh, no,” she laughe starting the work this te: But course, I shall have to. Each makes at least one deduction at the of the course. Some of the senfors make two or three. But you have to make one * x it 1 asked T'm d |6 T'S a great “No course,” I said wonder you are golng to be busy; and as vou sa mtch better than loafing round here doing noth ing.” “Isn't it?" said the girl | with enthusiasm in her eyes, ! sense of purpose. how student it gives one such a such a feeling of doing something | “It must,” I answered. “Oh, goodnes she | “there’s the lunch bell land get ready.” | 1 could not help reflecting, as the young woman left me, on the great changes that have come over our col lege education. It was a_relief 1o me later in the day to talk with quiet somber man, himself a graduate | student in philosophy, on this topic He agreed with me that the old strenucus studies seem to be very | largely abandoned. I looked at the somber man with spect Now your work,” I said, “is very different from what these young peo ple are doing—hard, solid, definite ef fort. What a relief it must be to you to get a brief vacation up here I couldn’t help thinking today as I watched you moving round doing noth ing, how fine it must feel for you to | come up here after your hard work and put in a month of out-and-out loafing.” “Loafing!® he said indignantly,. “I'm not loafing. I'm putting in a half Summer course in introspection | That's why I'm here. 1 get credit for two majors for my time here.” “Ah!" T said, as gently as 1 could, “you get credit here." | "He left me. I am over our new education. Meantime I think I shall enter my little boy's { name on the books of an industrial school, where the education is still | old-fashioned. (Copsright exclaimed, I must skip still pondering fDivision Over Merits of Horse and Cycle As Boy’s Gift Creates a Deadlock in Town BY RING LARDNER. O the glitor: This week they was a big argument around the neighborhood broughten about by the parents of a young male boy wondering should they get him a horse or a bicycle for a birthday present, those being the 2 articles which he had expressed a desire for and they could not afford to give him both. They inquired amongst all the parents nearby of which they seemed to be a great number and the opinions was eplit about even, most of- the mothers declaring in favor of the horse and most of the fathers choosing the bi- cycle, which proves what I have al ways contended namely that girls will he girls. The arguments put forth by the horse fanciers was in substance as follows: 1. That a horse gets attached to vou and vice versa, whereas while you may learn to love a bicycle the last named don’'t never reciprocate. 2. A horse lasts a whole lot longer than a blcycle. 3. A horse is a pet wile a bicycle is just a mechanical toy. 4. You dor’t half to carry a tool box with a horse and they don't never have tire trouble. 5. You can show a horse at a horse show and maybe get a blue ribbon. In opposition to these arguments Summer White Houses. day, as T happen to live where he passes to or from his lodgings out of town. He never sleeps at the White House during the hot season, but has quarters at a healthy location some three miles north of the city, the Sol diers’ Home, a United States milita establishment. 1 saw him this morn- ing about 813, coming in to business, riding on Vermont avenue, near L street. He always has a company of 25 or 30 cavalry, with sabres drawn and held upright ‘over their shoulders. They say this guard was against his personal wish, but he let his counsel- “The party makes no great show in uniforms or horses. Mr. Lincoln on the saddle generally rides a good-sized, easy-going horse, is dressed in plain black, somewhat rusty and dusty, wears a stiff black hat, and looks about as ordinary in attire, etc., as the commonest man. A lieutenant, with yellow straps, rides at his left, and following behind, two by two, come the cavalrymen, in their yellow- striped jackets. They are generally going at a slow trot, as that is the pace set by the one they wait upon. The sabres and accoutrements clank, and the entirely unormental cortege as it trots toward Lafayette Square arouses no sensation, only some curi- ous stranger stops and gazes. “I see very plainly Abraham Lin- coin’s dark brown face, with the deep- cut lines, the eyes, always to me with a deep, latent sadness in the expres- sion. We have got so that we ex- change bows, and very cordial ones. ‘Sometimes the. President E and me. ' “THE ONLY PLACE HE COULD ROOM A HORSE WOULD BE IN THE NEXT STABLE TO OUR ' cow” some of we male parents give evi- dence in rebuttal as follows: 1. You don't half to show a bicycle at a horse show and you can buy a blue ribbon at pretty near any no- tion store for 3 cents a yard. 2. If you like your boy, why you may as well know that the motorists who infest these parts seems to have no compunctions vs. running into a horse whereas the instance they see anybody on a bicycle they promptly slow down to practally nothing. 3. You can get a great bicvcle for $40.00 dollars, but if vou buy a $40.00 horse onlookers is going to begin talking about you. 4. Bicycles come all ready named. whereas you half to pick out a name for a horse and sometimes it all but racks your brains and then look at the results. Like for instants a well ed_Bud_Fisher or something got a alry always accompany him with drawn sabres. Often I notice as he! goes out evenings—and sometimes in the mornings, when he returns early —he turns off and halts at the large known cartoonist friend of mine call- | and handsome residence of the Secre- tary of War on K street, and holds conference there. If in his barouche, 1 can see from my window that he does not alight, but sits in his vehicle, ;?d Mr. Stanton comes out to attend m ‘“‘Sometimes one of his sons, a boy of 10 or 12, accompanies him, riding at his right on a pony. Earlier in the Summer I occasionally saw the Presi- dent and his wife, toward the latter part of the afternoon, out in a ba- rouche, on a pleasure ride through the city. o Being Correct. “Why did you put quotation marks at the first and last of that exam | =4 paper “1 was quoting the man in front of hold of a horse and thought and thought and thought and in the final analysis as they say, he named the horse Swope. 5. Now in regards to keeping a bi- cycle. My own kiddies has a couple of them and on rainy nights they keep them in what I jokingly call my office, and when they want to use them they take them out without putting no harness on them or curring them or nothing. And during the time they are in there they don't never disturb me at what the critics refer to as my work. Do you think I could work in the same office as a horse? All the time I would be saying to myself I can't work like a horse so why But 1 would always know that I can work as good as a bicycle because they's genally always something wrong with them. either they creak or they are rusty just like their room- mate. 6. On the other hand if vou have got a horse you half to find room for him in the ‘stable and personly the only place we could room a horse would be in the next stable to our cow and how do you know that a horse and cow is going to get along under the same roof? Whereas 1 never met a cow that couldn't remain DO Your STUFFE MATILPA IurA DIC e Dol -12-25 work at all? | for years on. friendly terms with a bicycle. 7. Finely 1 have never met a horse that did not holler murder if he was kept without food or gin for 2 days at the outside, wile on the other hand I have set in my office with the bi- cycles all Winter long and the only nofse in the room was me beating away on a typewriter. That is the gist of the argument, and I would like to hear expressions whether from partisans or neutrals in regards to what they think of the proposition, as it has became very important in our little community and maybe one of vou boys or girls could advance a thesis that would put the fiinshing touches on the argument Meanwile I forgot to tell you last week another sad incidence in the lifa of Walter Catlett the comedian. One day he thougnt he would be awfully nice to his own kiddies and several of the neizhbors children, so he invited them all out to e base ball game and as a comedian would, he neglected to look up the schedule and when Wal ter and his young visitors arrived at the Polo Grounds, they found they was no game scheduled for that day. You can imagine how tickled the kid- dies was and now they have got & greater opinion than ever of Walter as a comedian. B It | S S “YOU CAN SHOW A HORSE AT A HORSE SHOW AND MAYBE GET . A BLUE RIBBON,”