Evening Star Newspaper, June 21, 1925, Page 71

THE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTON, George’s Wife Becomes Serious at Times as She Debates the Subject With Miss Demeanor, Who Wiil Soon Be Married to Dr. Salary NINA WILCOX PUTNAM. ANNA NIAU fiction _writer declared, “A name is just price per dozen, and a lady using her husband’s last name, her father's ditto, is six of one one-half dozen of the other.” his wise crack crashed into my ynderstanding the other day after 1 and George, that’s my husband, got +into one of them safety valve argu , the well known once Mublicly rose by an and about the same | or ments which takes the same position | in any normal family that vent does on a railroad engine. It all come up over a George was taking out on a farm be. longing to by aunt’s first cousin, and 1 to find out where he was gon mortgage a steam | | | put it in his own name instead of | was like he mine. longzing Seelng the property to my family, 1 felt had ought to put it in my name, the same as any sensible, bill owing hus band, but nothing doing. [ should think after all these v avs, my name wus good enough And I says ves, 1 he for the both of us #dmit 1 have done vour standing, it's ®ood name. ludies get married what have we got Jeft_to call our own unless i's our husband's property” and he says it you don’t care about name and the way I use it, 1 come to be a real my don’t see why vou had when I met you v 1 wisht I had George Jules! What with the way vou treat me and etc. 1 got & good mind to go back to mom mer and take my own name and Junior and the grand piano. And Geo. says well, you doing that wouldn't prove a thing except that its colder in New York than it is in the Winter! And leaving me to filter that one if 1 could, he beat it for the eight forty-five. Well, morning. see, and And I late getting up thi I had forgotten to order bread. so there wasn’t no toast for breakfast, or sandwiches for Junior’s lunch box. 1 hadda give him crackers: and 1 hadn't fixed the fire in the stove before I went to bed and it had went out on me. o no wonder 1 was mad at George that morning. ']‘m, to put zunpowder caps into climaxes, great guns! just after 1 had broke the cream jug washing the dishes, who would 1 see toddling up our front path only that bottle blond, Miss Demeanor, the one that is en- gaged to Dr. Salary She had come to spend some of my time on herself on her way to the dressmaker’s. It was a hour too early for her fitting on account of the day light twisting time und her wri watch being closer to nature. Well, Mis’ Jules, she says, my ding day is set and 1 am setting clothes the same. Which v to ask what ars you havii And Miss Demeanor says oh I'm r getting much, dear, you know { ions change so quick nowadays you may as well let your hushand buy the majority of the trousseau » month or (wo after the weddinz. don't you think? Vell I sometime: 1 don't always tell wh: 1 especially when it comes to ihe some folks 100ks upon marriase these but tell me what brand of wed ding dress are you gonner have. will You plan a conventional white no matter what people say. or are you sonner be married in fivinz colors. T see a piece in the paper the other day where a society £0t miar ried in pale pink. 1 believe she w: A American marrying some Russian Red and she didn't wanner hurt his feeling. Well, 1 was | wed my cue o think, I of but sHvs) way savs, Miss Demeanor savs no. she be- a whole lot to help but Hot Bozo! When we | You didn't keep the one | < “1 GOT A GOOD MIND TO GO BACK TO MOMMER AND TAKE MY OWN NAME AND JU THE nner have a very conventional to the waved part deep long., almost permanently on effect at the front and a sit down on in the back hem and a coupls haws edged with realistic lace, slippers to match each other, a veil cauzht with t=n dollars cash moeney. and she was planning w carry a bunch of immortelles. And then she says, but outside of that, deur, my marriage is gonner be very any other. what we marriages about alike And she savs future, 1 was mony il cut very with & And 1 all think., my generally turn after ihe fi oh 1 don't speaking of szvs well that's dear, but out’ just | annum, the cere t mean i the | WWELL. I savs. but what will our minister say? And she says oh I have got what he’s to ut, it ix up to da And 1 says did obex? And she left out all the rest of emony will effect Dearly | zether o these folks in fact are now 3 few ideas e Ay 1 written te snappy stuff. vou leave out the and 1 have as well, the | something this Selc m. ed hered o althoush married, we are sure that ing to be doing so. the bride her own and she You all to witness them so the cam’t claim afterward there was any mistake. She is willing, even glad, to tuke him to be her wedded husband but she wants to alled “Miss” just the same. She! kes the name she was born with and she intends to keep it in sickness and | health. for richer or poorer or in she decide: own. T now wife, but I distinctly Miss Demeanor and though he has | ity | Believe anor got room { her and pr Dr. nounce Miss that. vou me. when through spilling 1 e | | was gasping like a fish, one on whom |leather will xave the wear and tear of | dding dress out of white crepe de | the gcales hux been turned, as you might say. But, a bank account of your own and vou sign checks yo fe Jennie vou don't realize where thou- women all over the their own name. | very datest fud, she says. Where do them | sands of | are k a {on their hu me. trouble he the u Miss, AND PIANO. vs, suppose he gives you iolden vou unless vo Salary not Bank: know just « be ver keep it to themselve: body may for the wagon. Well, 100k of pit vs. On ashand’s That's a HDEYmMOoT How de Mi: ping visiting ning it that if of yours P ring up the nut ss Demeanor hooke give no mam, gned And she ; old fashioned I have to get used to use why or 7 Some- farm and | u Demeanor, | | why they won't be legal, I certain ! wouldn't_cash one for |1 mean it Goiden Demeanc says aw shuck concerns, they exceptional and different from |it, that's ail! Then 1 says, but what on earth do ou think will happen when the minis- ter wants to find out does anyhody in | the audience two shouldn't e - at that, and she says wh women passports, cards and the; tole: nic asn't ou you are you rt yo: mean. she o it on on say thought you just told me the 1 didn't zenerally bezin until of the first year Huh! 1 | hotels! on | whole to have a career of | suy pronounce you man Mmarried secretly 1 know alary. |are going to slip to you for eed to pay her | present, it is zonner be a embossed |be the child would ch i certificate. | new last name. you s |leather De- | You around a regi: are in Miss p cover for your savs, I am Demeanor & is likely to of personal what need to vour pocketbook gonner Dr nt the keep it? says she, their Let me tell you, 1] head with this onner be in vour uble the end referring Sulary | arouse a auestions. d if you are really Zoing to be though openly 1 and George wedding like carry and the | the inheritar | having to show it so often. i e v LL, says she, I think a woman has got as much right to her e as the man has. And I says well, that depends, some men have a good name they are merely getting by with. #nd some have a bad one they don't deserve, | vou never can tell. And she says vou know 1 don't |mean it in that sense. And I says or any sense, so far as I can see, who mentioned sense? | Why lookit here, Goiden, T say | pose you keep the name of Demeanor, iwas it vour father's name? | Sure, ‘she sav Well what was wrong with mother’s name, 1 says, why don't you use thut? And she But, 1 say; pop. or didn’t she? Well. that bottie meanor was kinda one, so she merely justice that men d the Mister to Messer or something at the altar, s their new stenogra- phers woul once know they was . married. the same s 4 married woman on being introduced to a sin gle feller, see, both would know they was safe. what's the good, she says, of going to the altar when the only change is to the lady’s name? I in- itend to keep my own, she says. But suppose you was to have a flock of children or even one, 1 says, what would its name be” 1t would haf to choose, she sayvs tween mine and his, soon’s it got enough’ And in the meantime. and mean the word, 1 says, vou keep plaving tag with the child account it would be merely Tt. eh? And she says don't be {mam a vs well 1 might. 1 she got that from her blond Miss De. zagzed b savs it's a vile in E haf 1o change at T to be- big 1 on ose a entirely it| And I says well, e tax cheat an; might that for a while, Plans for Getting World Peace at a Price Are Put Forth After the Big Family Debate! BY SAM HELLMAN. ROM all this er talk,” remarks the frau. “it loc like we ain't gonna get back any of that money that we loaned the alleys.” “And that's not all.” “Besides the 10 or 15 114 tells her. bil lion them babies owes us we'll prob- ably spend sevaral hundred million besides on experts and commitiees and the such, finding out why we're not zoinz to zet paid in spite of the fact that we know that we ain't “Why won't they pay us? the wife “For the same reason.” I explains, “that I ain't got vou all cluttered up with matched pearis. They haven't Kot_the ducats.’ “They seem to have ‘em.” retorts 1 demands jcollector or something that following Spring. | big drouzht that | went over kiting. Did he bring te eh,” 1 tells her. “It rained pruc- { tically all the next Spring and Sum- mer und rotted the crops inio ruin. | At the next election ther elected the | drousht baby again. There'd year and_this lad | the rain asks K CTHAT the i's any the vou lot of misses. got t more. price stick iy stufl.” sniffs nd I don't see do with the European than you got to dol of fish in Alabama. { to no subjects sen| where deht with Can't | sihte he'd {if it ma sty nof th away T in thing w g e wife “That makes vou the great n public,” half would that kes about twice ax much as it can with on its own, and we'd be in one fix if we couldn’t peddle the Europe: and vou can't 1o a bozo that of the factorie: have You gotta this country remem T: a profit jain’t zot a bean.’ hadn't thouzht of th 1 assures her, there Such being the case, the to shut down, was raised s in ber. aise; is was 10 break itself still further arantee three big rainstorms the |they wouldn't be no more market for been a|our stuff abroad than nails on an eel. about { country some of the cotton that would have to be burned up or given away, the oil business would go on the | hummer orchid t little and peddle sa Ameri r that I've married & book-worm just a worm.” “Follow me, kid.” T tells her, “and vou'll be wearing pearls of wisdom. | What I was getting at was this: Sup- | pose the countrie gets tozether on some great scheme for making a bum outta war with the exception. let’s say, of France and Italy. We're for the scheme and so’ ngland, which is the only country in the world that'll maybe be out of debt by that time. Just as the plan’s bout to blow we come along with the ack thut we'll wipe off the debt com- |plete of every nation that slaps its John Hancock on the agreement and sticl to it for twenty-five vears.” | “Why.” the misses wants to know, |“don’t they do something like that now?”" instead of oe sup-| your | 1id have to| dish, may- | of the world finally | D. C, JUNE 2 BY STEPHEN LEACOCK. HIS is the time of the vear when—if what the poets tell us is true—a young man’s fancy lightly furns to thoughts of houschold economics. It is a pe- riod during which any properly con- |stituted voung man makes at least |one proposul of marriage. If he |keeps on persistently making these | proposals they are apt to end sooner {or later in marriage itself. | At any rate, every yvoung person ought to know how proposals of mar. riage are made, and a few hints upon the point at this time of vear are surely not out of place. How Our Great-Grandfathers Did 1It. I3 begin first of all with the way in which our great-grandfathers made their approaches to our great- grandmothers. In those davs they preferred to make their proposals in writing. A young man when he found himself hopelessly smitten retired to his room pen and put together an epistle such as this: 5 Miss Malvinia Woolifeather, Woolifeather Grange. Featherdale on the Blink, Hants. Respected Madam The opportunities which I have of late enjoved of observing the &races of your persbn and the cul tivation of your mind have filled me with feelings which I can bet- ter intrust to restraints of epis- tolary correspondence than confide to the hazard of an oral declara- tion. | 1 desire, my dear Miss Wooll feather, (0 offer myself as a suitor for your hand and to lay myself, | my “affection and estate upside down at your feet. Should you bid | me rise, T shall deem myself the | happiest of mortals. But should you not do so, 1 need only say that 1 should remein prone until a wel- come demise should terminate an existence henceforth without aim ways, but say, what if some one met you and says afterward to your hus- band, 1 just met that Miss Demeanor, she’s a awful slouch, duck her if vou can. And he has ) say, sir, that's my wife! And then the over 1o vour boy and savs whatter vou know. Whosis, 1 just told that Dr. Salary Miss Demeanor is a_slouch, and. whatter you know, that's his wife! And then vour boy. John Whosis would haft to say how dare you insult my pair of parents. And knock his block off, or something. And then, T says, suppose your boy married a girl named Katzenbauer and their kids chose the mother’s name, and But Miss Demeanor savs now. now, listen dear, it's the principle I'm fight- ing for. And 1 says well. it ain’t the prin- cipal 1 am thinking of it’s the scholars, they are gonner have a hard time of it And Miss Demeanor says if yon had a intellect instead of merely a mind Jennie, you would understand why we ladies has a right to our own name. And 1 says, well, maybe 1 would if I knew what my own name was, as far as T can see Jennie ix about all 1 can lay claim to, and that was grandma’s. 1 got to have some man's name, I says, whether 1 want it or not, and all thinzs considered 1 guess I'd rather be called by the name of the one 1 personally mysell selected rather then by who chose himself 10 be my without consulting me at all. Well, Miss Demeanor got go about then, but being !temale, she stood there talkini father up to true 1t | | with a big bottle of ink and a quill | feller goes | the name of the one! 1, 1925—PART 5. Unusual Language Which Is Employed. | | SHOULD YOU BID ME RISE, HAPPIEST MORTAL IN THE WORLD.” or meaning. 1 need hardly that before inditing this letter have obtained the full approval of vour father and have also con sulted vour mother and your aunte. say 7 the to the was merely ramble, see? | No matter | she s not 10 lose myself by marrying. that got my goat | See here, Golden, 1 says, if every | person in the country was o insist ¢ having a private name of their very | own, where would the families and all that goes with strong family feeling go to? It's family groups, standing together for mutual interest, that makes a country strong and solid And you can't get the same action out of a bunch made up of Mr. Smith, Miss Jones, Eddie Whosis, Tom Whatsis and Bessie Brown that vou can out of Mr. & Mrs. Smith and fam ilv. No sir! Not for money, for so cfal activity or for love! Believe you me. you can't have a family uniess it has a name. Well, Miss Demeanor went off mad then, and I suppose she give the dressmaker fit instead of vice versa. But I dunno. on account no sooner had she gone then Geors led me up on the phone from the office. Say Jennie. {ing over what you said abont mortzaze, he saye. and | suess was kinda mean about it, 1 will it in vour name if you like But I'd been thinking it over. too. not much, Geo. Jules, I 3 &0 ahead and put it in vour name, I am proud to use it, I {says, and what is more, if there is any piace You can write your name in ‘twice. please to do sc ght. 1025.) preamble what vou say. my dear, vs, 1 prefer to be a individual, And he s v vs. 1 been think that 1 put T of PO SHALL DEEM MYSELF THE in favor me 1o Il of whom are warmly my suit and permit press it feeling esteem, and to remain Malvinia, Allow me. with the liveliest of affection. appreciation, reverence. to sign myself vours, my dear Miss humbly. hopefully, but tremblingly, JOHN PEACHDOWN The Quylers Inn HOW THEY DO IT IN FICTION. B! 'the proposal of marriage is made in On the Blink. T now contrast with this bea tiful document the way in whic up-to-date fiction. ch Three Ways to Propose The Method of Fiction Differs From Ancient and Modern and Is Chiefly Notable for His voice a | was taut {love me:” lagony. | "She ‘had angled into a seat and sat | sensing rather than seeing him. i ¥For a time she silenced. Then pre 1 s he turned t tieJine. 'Y hoarsed, thicl avd her don’t with sently, as he still stood and enveioped her: “Don’t!” fining to a thread | “Answer me,” he gloomed gazing into-and-through her She hall-heard, half-didn’t-hear him Night was falling about them they sat thus beside the river. A moiten afterglow of iridescent =af. {fron shot with incandescent carmine |1it up the waters of the Hudson till they glowed like electrified uranium | “For a while they both sat silent looming | 7“1t had to be,” she glumped | “Why. why?' he blimped. | should it have had to have been or (more hopefully) even to be? Surely | You don’t mean because of money | She shuddered into herself. The thing seemed to sting her (it she thinned, her voice “Why she almost-but-not-quiie | snarled. * “You might have spared me that! He sank down and grassed | And after they had sat thus | another half-hour grassing and growl ing and angling and sensing one an other. it turned out that all that he was {rying to say was to ask if she would marry him And she said “Yes | And now contrast | thing the way in wh " with this sort « h a pro rriage gets made among ordinar narticulate mortals. How it Happens in Real Life. l_IH came into the park and right | . »osal of he saw her sitting there or that she knew a bench. He knew, of course was for that he had come there to meet But all he said was, “Well, Liz!" she said just “Well, Sam.” Then he said, “It's been pretty warm all da certainly ha vou want to inswered waiting him and she her Do she and she said He said piece?” and care.” They strolled « little way together ‘The sinking sun may have been light ing up the west, there may have been just_one poised in the evening sky like a firefly, and there may have come to him the faint call of just one thrush, but if these thinzs were ing on he didn’t remark on it. All he said was, “T saw 4 cop arrest a fellow for speeding on a motor cycle this afternoon And she said. “Those are 100 fresh sitence and thinking I got home that now got my increase of salary if voi care to marry me we could do it And_she uess ceable if vou a They walked on rther ir silence and then he stopped and ha turned toward her. and with his ey looking right in the girl's face he thoughtfully “It beats itis get it walk 2 “1 don u motor cycle then he the other that a all what a thrown away of « the jar Tot in de (Copy Wood in Newspapers. TT takes a 2 high. 3 long newspaper timated, day’ lock of wood inches wide and 4 the pulp in a 24-page A cord of wood. it is es- informs 3,500 persons of the news nehes nehas to supply \Items of News Which Should Be Suppressed i BY RING O the editor ARDNER. —Not long ago seen a acct. of a debate be- iween 2 college debate teams and the subject disgust was whether or not the news | papers should ought to publish crime {news and whether the publication of |same was libel to increase crime or | decrease xame and the acct. did not |state what arguments was used on one side or the other side, but the side that spoke vs. publication the debate. and what they must of |argued was that the romance and heroics connected with a bold burg- lary ov hold-up or murder iuspires voung readers to follow the cxample to say nothing of the financial gains enjoyed by the criminals till they get caught. i Dicia Don Gy, s-2/-25 win | | In the Interest of Contentment of People lists of senger steamers sailing for Europe, all news and pictures about Palm Beach or Pasadena in the | Winter time or Bar Harbor or north- ern Michigan in the ummer, n reference (o the latest styles « women's dress in Paris, all mentio of anybody’'s private vacht. all men tion of any automobile costing more than $500.000 and all reference to real beer or to weddings where one of the contracting parties was worth more than $62.50 cash much for the mews columns And as for the advertising I would | limit it to the 5 and 10-cent stores {and then not let them mention more {than 30 cents worth of their mer- chandise in any one ad How do vou mean?" T bites. “Suppose France owes us three bil- | lion dollars.” “We go to her and levery year you don't go into any war | part of the great American public that the politicians can hurrah into believ- ing that Europe is gonna pay us some day. “I've stuck to gal.” I r s | o the missges, “for running off rows with T've stuck to you. gal.” I reminds | However ain’t gl e e her. “if wou can stretch that into| :""’J:;?e"r;‘;")"’:“"".{”, + #nd such Kind 055 gensible. Just the same, I was i o R sticking to the subject. As far as| the undersigned never felt no crave towards law breaking by reading about it, and | if anvthing just the opp, and a spec- | Frigate Birds. “HE swiftesi of all sea birds is the frigate bird In certain of the E vou gotts i concerned, we is got a| * ty remember that they has got to keeping house. even if they does owe us a jag of jag: and keepinz house over in Europe calls for two or threc wars per annum to make the help happy. A guy that's used to having ham and eggs for breakfast every morning can’t be expected to quit eat ing 'em because he owes you eleven dollars from the last poker game, can he? He: can anyways.,” comes Kate, “cut down on the portion “He can.” I agrees, “but he won't Those lads across the drink have been doing things the same way since Hick was a pup. and you can't expect ‘em 10 change their habits cvernizht on the account of beinz in the red with a rich uncle. Anywavs. nobody down in Washington expecis Lurope 1o pay And that ain't all! They knew that they neve: ¢re zonna be paid when they made the louns.” “You're wrong.” snaps the wife. 1 resd all the time where Senators.and other biz men down the Capital say that they are zoins to make Enrone pav.” “Them lads.™ of a guy out in promised if he back 1. “remind Wyoming once 25 elected says me that u garbage An Invisible Coat. and ani imming _under enveloped in a amphibious birds mals. when s water, appear to 1 silvery veil. It i< because minute hubbles clinz to the feathers or hair. Jo the human eye. which looks at the creatures from above, the silvery sheen makes the bird or znimal con- snicuous: but a mnaturalist, who has §Ven much study 1o the matter, con- Cludes that vnen viewed from below the surface of the water, or, in other words, as a fish would see it, the Ailm of bubbles helps to conceal the swimmer. By sinkin, box at the rdge of 4 pond and inserting a pane of glass below the water-ine the nat- nralist discovered that the film of bubbles acts us a mirror that reflects the colors of objects past which the swimmer is moving. ilvery-sided fish, when resting in a natural posi- tion, show no sheen at all. for the bright surface takes the tint of the surrounding water. The investizator i« nmow studying trout flies as the fish sees them, and has already made discoveries that will probably lead to considerable modifi tions fn the shape and color of arth ficial lures. /1,\. » on | the appearance of | 1t of dollars from ‘em now, ain’t {we? Well, if some guy was to get |elected President on the hoke plat- {form that he could colleet every dime |that was owing to us, and by some lucky break Europe paid every cent! that President would be- unpopular as the bimbo the load of rain in |all at once, me just as oming.” | “I've never heard of anybody get- |ting sore about a cloudburst of dol- [lars,”” remarks the misses, sarcastic. 07" 1 comes back. “What do you think would happen if next week Furope’d strip itself of every nickel it | had and paid us off?” We wouldn’t have 1o pay no taxes “ lotts vears,” sayvs Kate, {ana— “Because.” 1 cuts in, “we wouldn’t ihave no doush to pay ‘em with. turope is broke bad enough now, but ! | i | | “ books HY, they lecting?’ ““There’s a good reason,” I tells her. It is that the wise boys in this coun. try like to have the debt hanging over Europe “Why “Because,” 1 explains, those babies owe us and we keep re minding them regularly, they is not so likely to talk back fresh to us when we pulls something they don't You can stand an awful lot of rough talk from the lad that you owe a lot of money to. That debt is also a the hole for peace conference 1t's a grand sand bag to use like. great | Sammie stu = ace ant. en evel 0 on.” in asks the misses, write the debt head. oft inquires the frau. in the vthing else fail. urges Kate. “It looks like “RUNNING OFF ROWS WITH THE RIFFS.” “don’t the if they ain’t no chance of col- ‘as long as Uncle : ;we'u knock $100.000,000 offa what you owe us. In thirty years we're even, |but if you start a fuss any time in |them years we'll make you come clean with everything you owed in the first place.’ What's the matter with that idea?” [ oz et consult m: vou know," attorneys. ys 1, “after 1 A Chinese Ferry. FERRH-:x in China are numerous and so are the heavy carts to be ferried. The spectacle of a crossing is full of surprises. clumsy carts down the steep and | considerable engineering = and | accidents are not infrequent. When the edge of the ferry is reached the whole team must be unhitched, and each animal got on board as best it can be. Some animals make no trouble, and will give a mighty bound, landing | somewhere or everywhere, to the im- | minent peril of any passengers on {board. When an animal refuses to | budge—an occurrence at almost every | crossing—its head is bandaged and it |is led round for a long time, so as { to induce it to forget all apout \he’ | ferryhoat. | At last it is led to the edge and | urged to jump. which it will by no means do. Then the drivers twist its tail, put a stick behind it us @ {lever, and get six men at each end of the stick, while six or more tug at ropes which are attached to the ani- mal's horns. After a struggle, often lasting half an hour, and frequently after pro- longed and cruel beatings, the poor beasts are all on board, where the more excitable prance about among and over the human passengers. Next comes the moving of the to the ferryboat by the strength of a small army of men. On the farther bank another ex- citing struggle occurs. The exit of the carts and animals is impeded by the struggles of those who are eager 10 cross to the other shore, and cannot be content to wait until the boat is | unloaded. Order is unknown, and it is a wonder that people are not fre- quently Kkilied in these tumultuous aroseings To get one of lhe‘ { shelving incline to the river requires| heavy cart, which must be dragged on | wrong. The glory and excitement and currency which comes as a re- ward of grand larceny and etc. ain’t never going to make up for spend- ing o Summer without golf at Joliet. Ossining or Atlanta, or wearing a piece of braided hemp for a neck tie. They may of been quite a thrill to be got out of the story of Joe Dia- ymond’s iron nerve as he set in the chair waiting for them to turn on { | “A DISPATCH OF ONLY 30 WORDS FROM MUNICH SPOIL- ED THE ENTIRE MONTH OF MAY FOR ME" the current, but when the story was printed Joe was where newspaper de- liveries is very uncertain. And while a good many of us was no doubt envious at all them love let- ters the gals was writing to Gerald Chapman_ still_and all T personly would rather have the postman hand me a dozen gas bills through my own front door than a 1.000 mash notes between the iron bars of a Connecticut death cell. No I don't believe crime news makes others go and do like wise, but I do think they should ought to be a censorship for newspapers which would bar out news that cer- | tainly does incite people to not only ferimes of all kinds, but to divorce, revolution, sedition, wife desertion, anarchy and all around nashing of { ially when T follow the story up and | see the finish of the boys that went hundreds of items and stories which appears in the papers every day and which the sole purpose of same seems to be to make everybody wished they ‘was somebody else. * ok % x sample of the kind of item T mean was a recent dispatch from Munich only about 50 words {lonz but it spoiled for m~ the entire month of May. The item said that the zovernment and diet of Bavaria had adjourned for a whole day so as (the members could make a thorough [test of the new bock beer. In the face of such a item as that how is a person going to appreciate the heau- ties of a Long Islind Spring time or Ilhe fresh sweet milk supplied by she !who we have aptly named Bossie. regards to the arrival of Mr. and Mrs. Jack Dempsey in New York City and I they was a bran-new spick and span and Mrs. Dempsev asked Jack if it belonged to some friend and he says no sweetheart it is just a trinket i bought for you. after that do you imagine that she who T sometimes call my Mrs. is libel 10 zet excited over the 60 cents worth would put the quictus on all stories of candy which Y carefully selected at such as the above and also all pas | -Or the story that was printed in| teeth, the news I refer to being thelthe station newsstand to catch the $16000.00 automobile at the depot to|appendix. without meet them with a livered chauffeur nothing and smiled and chatted dur- inz the operation. read: little | to give you any svmpathy when you Well gents { moan and groan because you blistered | three birds were heavily gorgzed with ia rid of and becoming Falaise de la Coudray sWoop and when they have read that Kind of news how is our women folks | going to be satisfied with named Jones and Brown and without no title to o with it exce licensed garbas: “I WOULD RATHER HAVE THE POSTMAN HAND ME A DOZEN GAS BILLS THROUGH MY OWN FRONT DOOR THAN A 1.000 MASH NOTES BETWEEN THE IRON BARS OF A CELL” 5.557 Or the story ahout Gloria a Swede name 1 the Marquise de at inspector o1 Or a story I * % R a story like the one ahout doctor that took out his no antisept Suppose vour s that. do vou think wi finger playinz golf? 1t I was running’ a newspaper as T dashed by, 1o getting e Swanson one fell husbands | Dt mavbe | o0 even ke the one about the dame that come home from the other side a few weeks ago and had to pay a duty of $5000.00 on the new gowns | the trader there. after writing a few and etc. she bought in gay Paris and when our gals reads stuff along those | paper into a small square of oflaxin lines what a fat chance we have got | tied it to the bird and c: to argue with them about blowing | It w: as much as $85.00 on a complete Summer wardrobe. new | the wn oing equatorial isles of the Pacific this bird Taken can fly, it r carrier. | from the nest before it | fed on a fish diet by | the course of a few months it becomes | s0 tame that it can be set free during | the day and will return to its perch {at sunset. An American formerly the foreign service, had fre quent opportunities of witnessing the performances of these birds as letier carriers, tells an tale this relation On Nanomaga. where the lived for 12 months, he “frigates” which were given a trader on Nuitao. 60 miles to wind ward. and in return the American |gave two splendid and very tame birds, hatched and reared on Nanomaga. The four were continually flvinz across from one island to another sometimes the Nuitao pair would visit their birthplace and visit the Amer | ican's pair on their perch outside his e, remaining one or two davs, fishinz on their own account togethe and being fed at dawn and nizhtfall "niby the natives and the American. ® | Then all four would sail off to Nuit {the American’s pair usually return. ing within 36 hours. To test the speed of these birds, the American once sent one of them to Nuitao by the bark Redcoat, in care captain. who kept it in his It fretted zreatly during the 48 hours the vessel was beating up to Nuitao against the southeast trades The Redcoat arrived at Nuitao at 4 lo'clock in the afternoon At 430 | is employed as a lett is the natives. In in who interesting in American had him w by cabin. lines to the American and rolling the t it loose. s out of sight in a few second: Now the American and his friends had been keeping a keen outlook for the bird. They could only guess at the time when the Redcoat would arrive at Nuitao, but imagined it would be at least 60 hours. Before 6 o'clock on the day that the trader had liberated the American’s bird it was settled on its perch at home. ac companied by another couple. which it had evidenily met en route. All or fe allowed ~themselves to be caught and brought into the American’s house, where the note was removed from the messenger. | flying fish _and 1