Evening Star Newspaper, December 11, 1921, Page 71

—— His Work to Appear Magazine of The Sunday Star Holds First HIS Story. by One of the Famous Short Story Writers of the Day, is the First of | “There wgs no harm in: the letter. } Only in the way it Was worded. Vour wife was good ‘as an augel. {And you know it. But she wrote like |2 fool.. Sit down. to talk about hers" “Well, what are we going to talk about?? said Gower, with a certain We are not going The in a Newspaper. . . . . . . insolence. Publication R1¢hts of His News_paper Fiction. E R - = - 4 (&ABOUT the draft—in the chim- HARNOCK was impressed to = ney,” said Charnock. “Sit the point of discomfort by the grandeur that surrounded him. For twenty years the ups in his life had not been very high, while some of fhe downs had touched the lowest evoked in it those glints that his oung cousin, Beb Gower, had no- tleed. For the first time that day the consciousness of his ready-made down—don't be a fool. Mine is the only loaded gun in the gunroom—the lonly one, perhaps, that has a notch in clothes and shoes passed from him. |the stock. Sit down, you overbear- It had been very hard to dine in|Ing insolent, pot-bellied swine, and situations in which man's predisnosiflon'blue serge and tan. so conspicuous |listen.” to exist combats—without ever Winning: peside the broadcloth and pumps, the [ Charnock, dufinite victories or suffering definite | low necks and French heels, of his defeats—misfortune, poverty and fl\!‘!cuusln!. It had been hard to apolo- ease. For a few weeks he had been pretty well “up,” for him. His ready-| made clothes were new, his hair wns! newly cut. he had passed the night i» @ Turkish bath, and there wasl it seemed, was rising superior to his surroundings with a vengeance. His cold, unblinking money in one of his pockets, and a o!d watch, newly redeemed, in another. To remember that he had once been the model of fashion, at home in great houses. welcome at stage doors, famous for the daring and imagina- tion and good nature, if not the high | moral tone. of his exploits, was very | difffcult. More used now to a young- er and a tasteless civilization. the sreat spaces and the somber tapestries of Gower House depressed him. The servants in livery had a “we-are-bet- ter-than-you” look. The mirrors, re- flecting—with reluctance. perhaps— his new blue serge suit, an outfit at once above criticism and beneath, seemed to say: “Ready-made.” For once the Gowers had no guests, | and were gathered in a family circle Nora and Evelyn, Bob and Clarence, and, of course, Gower himself. Dinner had come on soft feet, and 50 gome. It had been a short meal of exquisite cooking and much cham- pagne. Charnock was sorry that he and decay. had not drunk more; for wine is a Sreat leveler, and he intended shortly not only to rise level with his sur- roundings. level with Gower and the young cousins, but above them. They talked of his life. his adven- tures. not theirs. Only Gower. a bull-heavy, red-faced man, referred occasionally. with harsh bursts of Jaughter that ended as suddenly as they began, to old times in New York. At such moments a certain glitter appeared in Charnock's wide-set, light-gray eyes. It. was as If the harshness, the loud-mouthed vigor of his cousin offened him, even angered him. * % ok ok OP' Gower’s position in society he had assured himself by careful in- quiry. It was as secure as that of the sun in the heavens. His insolence was bounded only by space. He could be as insolent as he pleased. He could be as passionate as he pleased. as corroding. He could be drunk and outrageous, and look to all eyes for forgiveness, and to some for admira- tion. Even his liver and his kidneys seemed to have nothing but forgive- ness for him. He had a gross and sonorous health that defled disease Charnock could not say Gower has grown older,” but only ‘He has grown coarser,” or “He has Zrown more brutal.” 1t incensed the man in the ready- made suit, whose &ay and debonair procllvities life had so humbled whose kind and generous impulse; poverty and hard luck had so thwart- ed. to observe into what overbearing, bands 0 much money had fallen. : Because his inherited millions were 28 stones in a Connecticut field, the world did not require of Gower even the good qualities that it requires of | be driven forth. But winter came and went, and it seemed to you that the document must surely have perished. Your conscience’ never ‘troubled you, only the fear of being ousted—pried like some stinking grub from the rich fruit on which you were fattening.” “Always admired your imagina- tion,” said Gower. * ok k% B H he could, and‘had come to the conclusion that since nothing could be proved against him, nothing could be Known. “Why not take this tale of woe to some one who'd enjoy listening to it?” he said. “I don’t. Buttonhole some discontented person and do the ancient mariner. You expected a GOWER SNATCHED AT THE WILL, AND GAVE A SHARP CRY AS IF HE HAD BEEN STUNG BY A WASP. THE DESTRUCTIBLE PAPER—BUT ON A TUBE OF COLD STEE! -— ' gize and to say: “I'm sorry, but I|eyes, his Dblue. shining automatic, don’t own any evening clothes. In!dominated the scene. my world they aren’t worn.” He had| “You are drunk,” said Gower. not added. “in my world the clothes | “Crazy.” a man dines in are often the clothes he sleeps in.” “I don’t want to look at your guns, if you don’t mind. T want to talk t0|sp—you who have so battened and you. If you don’t mind, I'll ring for ! fattened upon the felony that has whisky.” jmade the waste places of the earth Gower burst into his short, my home, its outcasts and unfor- laugh. | tunates my companions. 1 am drunk “Then push three times,” he said.\ith knowledge, the knowledge that “If I am drunk,” said Charnock, t is with righteousness. If I am v it is you who have made me harsh a dog. A nation that considers itselt | “AnY bell in this house, pushed three intelligent enough to vote even attri- buted to him a certain mental ability 2nd grasp of affatrs. And he, like all men who have inherited vast for- tumes, attributed these qualities to himself. And he believed, in that callous organ- that pumped his hot and thirsty blood, that if he was times, brings whisky. I tried the front doorbell on a bet once, and, sure enough, a man dime_ with a “I've seen times.” said Charnock, “when three hundred cries to heaven wouldn't produce a thimbleful of wa- ter.” with all your millions you have done no good in the world, and that I, for all the houndings of poverty and un- | success, have done a little, and shall more. “You cannot take your eyes off my {little pistol. I retufn it to its pocket in my ready-made suit of clothes. Do stripped of all his properties he| A man came with whisky and i“'not forget that it is there. Pouf out would still be 2 great man. a great| power, & leader among men, 2 deli- cious terror to women. “Like to see my guns?’ he said abruptly. They had been talking grouse and Scotland, where Gower rented from year to year a show forest. “Very much.” Charnock rose, and followed his great cousin out of the room. ‘The Gower children smiled at each other. Evelyn yawned. He's the first man father was ever polits to. Why?" Bob. days” “Father told me something special about him,” said Clarence. “It seems that grandpa was down on father at one time and threaténed to leave all his money to his nephew—Bill Char- nock, that is. He even told Char- nock so. And of course when it came out the other way, Charnock was awfully disappointed and 1 guess father feels sorry for him. They say. you know. that he was quite a_card --very popular and talented. “They always say that,” said Nora, “about people who passed ott a long time ago. When the people come back you find that they are always dull and ordinary and humble.” “I don’t think Cousin Bill is really humble, said Bob. “Just shy. Once in a while there’s a’glint in his eye, and then he looks as if he might be quite a cuss when he's roused. “A regular lion,” said Nora. Non in sheep's clothing,” said Evelyn. “In a ready-made, hand-me-down, without the vest, eighteen dollars!” said Clarence. “Wasn't he even mentioned in the old man’s will?” Bob asked. “It never so much as breathed his {dence. name. tate.”” e did mnot.” had a stroke.” “He didn’'t make a will—a testa- ment, silly! In fact, grandpa died intes- “He said Evelyn. perquisites. put them upon & low ta-}; grink if you like—it's on the house ble. and went. —the ferret's house: See the “Say when. The way to enjo¥ | terret—there, over the mantel. He liquor is to pretend that each drinkl;s \corrying the life out of the fat fa to be your last—forever.” irabbit, just as I am going to worry “When,” sald Charnock. 3 the life out of you. He filled the remainder of his glass| wphis room.” he continued, in a with soda and drank feverishly. Then he went and stood looking into the empty fireplace. Presently he leaned forward and held his hand near the opening of the flue. He withdrew it, straightened his back, and turned to Gower. | “That chimney always had a etrong | “OR, he's father's cousin” said | “They were friends in the old | draft,” he said. “What's that?” Gower snapped, and an impatient, or startled, motion of his hand overturned an empty soda Lottle. “1 said that chimney always had a strong draft.” “All the chimneys én this house are scientifically constructed.” “I am reminded,” said Charnock, f“of a letter 1 once had from—from a girl. It seemed better to destroy it. There was a fire going in here. I chucked the letter into the flames, | milder tone—you" might have called it a reminiscent tone—"was unele's }office in the old days. Here he had his papers-all in order in the old days, all docketed, all neatly tied with tape. The night he lay dying, the doctors about him, his favorite nephew—though 1 say it that { shouldn’t—the servants \gathered in the hall, weeping—the night the good 1d man, the good friend, the more than father, lay dying, this room.was ! broken into by thieves.” | Gower had grown pale as death. | “You, said Charnock, “the worth- less, lying, check-forging som, who had been forbidden the house and the countenance of the father, aided by 2 thug, a common thief, a second- story man, broke into this room—" “Prove it!” cried Gower suddenly. legacy. ousy inspires your tale. take your word—against mine?" “Ah,” said Charnock, “you haven't been rich for nothing! Wealth has taught you something. It is not. however, your words that aould be believed over mine—but your money. But you—you yourself—believe my Jealous imaginings—don't you?" He had for answer o6nly the rich man's short, ugly laugh. “You married;” Charnock went on. “The girl, -goaded by should have protected her. went pale to the altar. Her heart was never yours. One day the old gardener, to You were disappointed. Jeal- those who not be turned back now from doingiwhim she had been kind, sent for her. He was dying. He had a paper thatSell. “He had|and second, you know it. he thought she cught-to see. found it in the garden. He had had it |1eave my little automatic with you. had been thinking as rapidly as THE 'SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTON, D. he Man in the Ready-Made Suit found and that you would once more want to bring.harm, and, scandal on ‘Who would | perhaps—to fill my purposes. ! | to her chilaren—" your own blood.* “Yours and miue melodiously. “I am thinking of the children not because they are cousins —but in spite of the fact. I will not hurt them simply because her blood is in them. Understand that. Our noble blue strain does not count with me. No. My property shall go intact Charnock laughed “After your death,” sneered Gower. “If that's all that's troubling you, be assured that according to my will shares. So all this hullebaloo is rather €ool work. Who'd I leave the stuff . DECEMBER 11, 1921—PART 4. By Gouverneur Morris Ri | been leaning and. sinking into 1ts leather depths. ‘Once,” he said, “I was’'a man of ‘war; but there weren't enough men of war on our side. Avicado, the capital of the little republic, was so hemmed in by the rebels that it be- came necessary to transfer the seat of government and the state archives to the summer capital—a town of in- finitesimal size, but formidable strength—in the mountains. As aide- de-camp, I accompanied the presi- dent in his—we call it change of| base—the enemy called it retreat. ‘After three days in which we had very little to eat and nothing to keep us going but the president's gifts as | His Idea of Making the Punishment Fit the Crime—Suggestions for Washington's Po- lice and for Drivers of Automobiles. O the Editor: During my visit to Washington a wile ago the people that has charge of the automobile traffic in a joker and a story-teller, we were captured while trying to cross a swol- len river. Our captors didn’t know who we were, for we were not in uni- form and if we could get rid of certain incriminating papers which had been divided among us, there was a chance of prolonging our lives until our party should be in the ascendant. “We were not searched immediate- ly. The president rode off between two men—talking gayly ‘and making them laugh. The rest of us followed, each between two of our captors ‘wl:h drawn swords. In crossing a stream. the president's sword and scabbard, of which he had not been deprived, came loose and fell into the water. Some attempt was made to recover them, but the mud was deep. The little man—he made you think of 2 quadrumane—made a great fuss over his loss. I could hardly keep from laughing aloud, for I knew that the blade of his sword was but six inches long, and that the space thus left empty in the scabbard was stuffed with incriminating papers. “But presently, though he had other papers scattered about his person, ke was laughing again and joking and telling storles. “That night about the camp fire, captor and captives, we listened for hours to stories that the little presi- dent told. Oh, the true romance sat to if not to them?” “Your wit works slowly,” said Char- “Your deatk in ‘the course of the property goes to them in eqnll] nock. ’ | | 1 i i HIS HAND HAD CLOSED—NQT ON 3 nature is too uncertain—too far off, Do you believe in hell?” 1 “Do you?" “I should like to see the question | tested—tornight—in your person.” i “I-suppose you think I'd come fly-! ing back to tell you." { “It would be sufficient.” said Char- nock. “if you found out fot yours that there was such a piace. And Ly my scul, T think you will. Gower’s fears were rising: for Char- on that man's shoulders! Stories tragic and gay, dramatic. wholesome- 1y indecent, pathetic and comiec, fell from his lips in 2 steady stream of bright coloring and miraculously chosen words. Ie held us fascinated, spellbound, in the ring of light. “Clgars and cigarettes kept going out, which, perhaps, among Spaniards, is greater tribute to an artist flm.n, hand-clapping and bravos. In par-| ticular, the president's cligar kept| going out. I can see him now—talk- | ing all the while—looking here and there | for something with which to light ft. Finally he begind to feel at random in his pockets, comes out presently| with a piece of paper, lights it at th. fire, lights his cigar—and sees the remainder of the piece of paper burn to ashes. “One by one, piece by piece, talking all the time, he destroyed all thcj tangible evidence against him that was in his pockets. And, under cover | of his talk. the rest of us followed| suit. If our lives hadn't seemed to! hang upon the destruction, it would | have been comic. Our captors were| farm boys—yokels—not stupid, bur| easily taken I remember I had| one paper——" Here Charnock reached into his| pocket and pulled out his uncle’s will, “——as big as this. I had rid my Belf of everything else.” - * ¥ & % HE sat well forward on the edge of his deep chair. and, his hands close to the first, began nonchalantly to roll the document between his thumb and forefinger, beginning at one corner, into a sort of long lighter. “I don’t know why, but my nerves began to go to pieces. Icouldn't stick the thing into the flames. It Seemed to me as if I had to wait until some- i the dist. of Columbia was all steamed up over the way motorists was dis- obeying the laws and what was to be done to learn drivers a lesson and etc. and finely one of the commis- sloners or something give it as his opinion that the trouble was on acet. of the penalties not being severe enough, like for inst. most drivers would rather shoot along about 25 to 30 miles per hr. and run the slight risk of getting arrested once in a wile rather than always crawl along like a snail’s pace and never get no- wheres in time for the cocktails. Make the punishmient fit the crime was this guy’s slogan and 2 of his suggestions was as follow: A motorist caught speeding in the dist. should be made to draw up to the curb and stay there 15 minutes, the cop to act as time keeper. When a motorist parked his car in la place where parking was not al- 22 [N \\\\\ / “LOCK HIM IN A ROOM 3 2 A TRAFFIC lowed, or parked too long in a place where they was a time limit on park- ing, a finecil‘xl patent locking device would be put on the car by the cop. and the oniy kers to the lock would be kept in the various police stations and when the motorist come for his nock did not seem to him altogether sane. “But you're not going to kill me?” Not if you will save me the trouble. It is fitting that you should kill your- First, you are not fit to live; 1 shalli - for a long time. He ought. he knew.{;‘lla‘{ join the young people and when to have done something about it. Bnt}l hear a shot. I shall burn the wil ‘he had been afraid. ‘When she* had read the paper your wife hid it., Why? Because she, too, was without honor? No; but because she was going to have 2 child. For the sake of her child, she hid that paper—and she kept it hidden for the sake of that child and for |GOWer gave one troubled look at the 1 “How do 1 know you will?” “Because you know that I will)” ) The steely eves glinted with the! firm light of unassailable honor. { “Show it to me.” “THere, then! Is that it—or isn't it?" As it finally acknowledging defeat. the sake of others that followed. But|document. and allowed his head to| last year, when she knew that she was going to die, it seemed to her better that her children should starve than that she should go to her Maker with so low a crime upon her soul |b¥ a wasp. i So she wrote to me, explaining what [0t on destructive paper—but on a | she had done, and inclosing the will that you had thrown into the flames. But that she never knew—or she couldn’'t have kept silent all these years. “‘Of course,’ she said in her letter, ‘if my husband had ever known of this, you would have had your rights. It is all my crime—all my selfish- ness. " “Comé to the point.” said Gower. “What are you driving at?” “Why,” said Charnock, “I have the . { i | i f | i fall forward on his breast. Then, | treacherous, quick as lightning, he| snatched at the will, and gave a| sharp cry as if he had been stung| His hand had closed— | tube of cold steel. , | said Charnock, “mentally and ph;‘sl-l cally. Circumstances have developed it in you, Here, take the pistol,” He threw it on to the tray among the citment I almost burned -a valuable glasses and the bottles. “It's cocked. Put the muzzle in your mon i dndy pull the trigger. I shall expect to hear a shot in about five minutes.” It occurred to Gower to seize the! weapon and turn it upon Charnock —but the fateful, untroubled, almost thing happened that would draw all eyes in another direction—-"" “What was that?” Of the five, Charnock alone did not show any concern. He leaned still farther forward, and thrust the will into the flames, where it was almost { instantly consumed. Bob had risen to his feet. “It sounded like a pistol shot,” he “What the deuco—" “Hope,” drawled . Evelyn, “father knew it was loaded. Better &0 see if it's anything—somebody.” But there was no need. Gower, his | face at once evil and sheepish, thrust | open & door and came fn. He carried Charnock’s pistol 1n one hand. said. “Did you hear a shot?’ he Iald.ll I “Damned newfangled weapons! might have hurt myself.” “What happened, father? “‘Oh, I almost had an accident.” His eyes, very watchful for him, ‘were on Charnock. made coat. “I almost had an accident, t00,” he {the faculty in me ahd diminished |$3id. smiling. “I was telling these young people e story. And in my ex- paper.” . “Almost?” Gower's voice trembled a little. “Yes,” said Charnock slowly. ‘“The paper I actually burned was a fac- simile.” A kind of black rage rose in Gow- This one rose lazily, his back to the fire, his hands “I was naturally quicker than you."| thrust into the pockets of his ready- car and found it locked, he would half to go to the nearest poli tion and give proof that he was owner of the car and also put up as much money as the police thought ithe car was worth so in case it turned out that he wasn't the owner. 1 why when the real owner showed up and complained that his car had lLeen stole, they could give him the money instead of bothering to look for h car. This cash bond would be left in the statign a wk. and if nobody showed up in that time to say the car was his. the dough would be re- turned to the guy that put it um * % % % TTHAT is what the dist. commission- er suggested and 1 don’t Kuow what they done with his suggestions but if they really want to stop speed- ing and illegal parking you can bet { your life that those two little amend- ments to the constitution wouid do they was other things that motorists does which is at least as bad as driveing too fast or parking in the wrong place and these other things is also vs. the law but the offender generally always gets let off with ja fine that donm’t mean nothing to him whereas the right kind of pun- ishment along the lines suggested by the Washington man would make him think twice before -he misbehaved himself. {towns vs. driveing with a open muf- the trick. But it seems to me like | Like for inst. they's a law in most} will.” smiling glint in the pale-gray eyes| er's face.’ He had put his cousln down I. prove it—damn: you—prove it!” and saw it sucked up the chimney,! vyour friend, the second-story ‘man. not even signed. I hunted theljs gead,” said Charnock; “but it was grounds all night with a lantern. 1|0t for nothing that God brought us even hunted over the roofs™ two together in the Painted Desert— The reds of Gower’s heavy face had not for nothing that I shared my a black tinge in the shadows. He |water bottle with him, and that he looked at the toes of his outstretched |shared the secret of your great wealth {feet, and shielded his eYes with one 'vyith me. Prove it? I can’prove noth- hand as if he found the-lights of the jing in a court of law. The man is gunroom too many and too bright. dead. But I‘am’ not arguing this case “1 got the letter back,” said Ghar- | hefore a justice, perhaps of your mak- nock, “but it cost me a théusand dol- | ing, or a jury.of your peers—if so be lars. .Or rather it cost my uacle—|tnat Yyou @re not peerless in wicked- your father—that. ' 1 had to g6 toiness;"and arrogance, and bestiality: bim with the whole story. He wasiNor am I arguing this case before the white about it—white.” = highest court of all. I am mergly “Who blackmailed you?" stating it. Gower's sudden harsh, mirthless,| “The lawyers had been in this room overbearing laugh was again in evi-|—your father's secretary; the men of . = "} business—they had left a good fire “Her Dbrother,” said Charnock | going. Hearing steps in the hall, you simply. “He afterward, thanks ‘to|lad mot time to tear your father’'s very strong backing, became a mem- jwill to pieces; you threw it whole— ber of the United States “Senat ‘unloh’)—lntd the flames, and, to your proved a bulwark to certain special |horror, you saw. it carried, unscathed, interests, and died in an odor: of {uninjured, up the chimney. ‘You, too, “If he had, and had left everything { great sanctity. Fell, in short, or was |have searched the grounds about to Cousin Will” said Evelyn, “where’d we have been? Ouch!” = % ok ok CRAR.\'OCK drew a deep breath as|darker. he followed Gower into the gun roem. 1f he was to rise superior to his surroundings, to the thousands of doilars’ worth of dark tubes behind the softly sliding glass doors, the time had come. A print—a ferret worry- ing a rabbit—caught his eye, and pushed from an upper window .in.a |this house and tife Toofs above it for house of {II fame.” - a scrap of paper. You had the right Gower's face had grown darker and | —you were 6 of the place from | which your " general, rottenness and “The letter,” he sald, “was.from the{dishonor had got you driven. There woman I married?” was no will; it was your house—you “It was.” could enter “without 2 jimmy—you “By Gawd!” B could go by a deor. 3 He started to his feet,-but was met ‘At first you came and went with and quelled by a. pair:.of eyes. sud- |the 'fear of -hell upon you. Each day denly grown hard as’steel: . - tyou eapected that the will would be | | ; | ! | | | | “You will have to prove that it is not a forgery. It will cost you money to prove that—much money.” He laughed his laugh. “It will cost nothing. We shall not appear against each other in a court of law. Our court is here. Face to face in this room, we shall settle our differences.” i “Your idea'is to despoil me of everything?” “Despoil? That is a hard word to swallow. In self-defense, T might kill you.: At- tack me if. you like, and see.” Gower's heavy face worked hard, as if he were chewing some tough sub- he had some doubts; but they were not altogether satisfactory. A com- promise of .some sort suggested itself as the best way out of the difficulty and when he spoke to that end it was in a milder and more agreeable voice. “Come, old man,” he said, “you’ve had a rough deal. 'What'll you take for the wil “You ‘mean how muéh money?’ Charnock smiled.sweetly. “My con- sclenc he said, “is worth far more to ‘me than any-amount of money. Your children have not injured mepapers. knowingly—blood——" “Yes, that's it.- After all, you don't I shall take nothing from [poured a soft drink of whisky with you that is yours—not even your life.ja hand that still shook a little. i stance. That his cousin really ‘““‘iresonsed the younk ' Gowers.in front the will, he had no_real doubt. That!ey his cousin could really despoil him,{room. His thoughts wers no longer deterred him. Furthermore, it fla!-lledl upon him that Charnock was so insane as to believe that, left alone with the pistol, he, Gower, would actua'ly make a suicidal use of it. The idea was so ridiculous that when the door of the gunroom had closed upon the figure of Charnock, the wealthy malefactor was actually able to laugh.. - He took out his watch, and laid it on the table beside the.pistol.: “Five minutes be 1t,” he said, and was captured, they took the revolvers | car and follow it around for 2 days.| from my holsters. But I was never |or if he was caught driveing on the been very fond of this dish, and a cen- EIE T 2 was a more efficient, a more pre- sentable Gousin Bill Charnock who the big fire in - the living upon his ready-made clothes. He was no longer abashed and humble. He began to talk as he entered the room. He told them that they made for a simpleton; he had thought, bv firing a shot, to accomplish the de- struction of the will. He lurched for ward, making with his Dpistol hand a gesture that may or may not have been threatening. “You—" he began. But the cold glint in Charnock'’s eyes cut him short. fler. The people that disobeys this law is always people that likes to show off and make more noise than anybody else so as a penalty for vio- lations of this law 1 would first cut their tongues out and- then make them spend a wk. in a boiler factor: Or suppose a man is caught dri ing past a standing still street car. The way to cure him rom this habit ng Lardner Writes of Capital’s Traffic Laws | what they done to him, but T suppose he got fined $50.00 or a $100.00 which was just chicken food to him you might say. What they ought to done would be to first make him sober up and then lock him in a room for a wk. with nobody to talk to but a traf- tic policeman. %* Kk ¥ ¥ | JPENM.Tms like the above would |~ soon put a end to violations of | the motor laws and in the same way icrimes of all kinds could be did away {with if the punishments fitted them |like for inst. the way it is now days !a man is arrested for boot legging {and they send him to jail for 6 mos. lor a yr. and when he comes out hw !can live in the lapse of luxwry on {what he saved up before they got him. The right way to deal with this bird would be to lock him up with a bbl 3 own hootch and not leave him out till he drunk it | Or suppose they’s a gal murders her {husband or some other lady's hus- | band. Under the present system they print her picture 5 and 6 times a day [ for a couple of months und give her 9 columns every edition to talk about herself and tBe only reai draw back is when the jury lets her go and she has to kiss 12 good men and true that ain’t washed thefr face for a wk. and chews tobacco. Well. friends. you won't never stop the wholesale murder of gents by the 0pp. sex With no such methods as that FOR A WEEK WITH NOBODY TO TALK TO BUT POLICEMAN.> ' The way to stop it is for the news- papers and police to work together. Let the last named arrest the murder- ess if they wish, but whether they arrest her or don’t arrest her, fet the papers treat her the same as if she was a good woman and had did.noth- ing- a1l her life but good deeds; ie. don’t mention her name. RING W. LARDNER. | Great Neck, Dec. 9. Curious Foods. ASSHOPPE S have been eaten from the earliest times. ‘The Scriptures offer abundant evidence of this, and the law of Moses is very plain indeed in its permission to the people of Israel to eat “the locust after his kind, the bald locust after his kind and the grasshopper after his kind.” There were two ways of preparing grasshoppers to be eaten. They were either crushed in wine and eaten without cooking or their wings were plucked off and they were boiled in ,salt water and then dried in the sun, | when they were ready to be eaten. Ants are eaten in Africa. Junker relates that the chief,of a tribe on the | Masharch- river, in the Sudan, sent { him twenty baskets of ants for pro- | visions on his journey. They are | pounded into a sort of paste and are said to taste like liver. | Moths and butterflies have often been eaten, and the Romans used beetles as food. Some Brazilians are said to esteem a bug that feeds on the palm leaf. In Chile and Peru one of the national dishes, the chupe {de chiche, is a sort of stew made of potatoes and the chiche, a bectle-like linsect that is found in quantities un- | der stonessalong the water courses. Nearly every specimen of animal that has a backbone is somewhere or other eaten by human beings. In the Andaman Islands the eating of a live rodent is deemed a test of manhood, |and no man. it is sdid, is permitted {to marry until he has accomplished “I had forgotten to tell you young {would be to make him back up and;this feat. The Chinese are not alone people,” said Charnock “that when I a man to depend upon the obvious. derringers, old style. I was so expert with these that I could have shot through the cloth of the pockets and killed my man at—oh, the distance from me to your father. Better carry that automatic back to the gunroom, hadn’t you, before you have a real accident?” He laughed cheerfully, while Gower, | get on the car track behind the strect left side of the street, why I would car comeing from the other way and then see which could push the _alhc; one off the track. ot no tail light 1 would make him back up 5 miles on the right side of tHe road or if his head lights was too bright I would wait till it was time for the theaters to let out and then a pleasant picture about the fire. He| without a word, turned and went make him drive up and down Broad- told them. leaning on the back of a chair and looking into the flames, that all the most romantic and ex- oiting incidents of his life were con- nected with the fires. “Not conflagrations, you know, but fires under control—fires for cook- ing—or for warmth—or for destroying He drifted into a story, coming in front of the chair on- whieh -he had v back to the gunroom. : (Copyright, 1921. Al rights reserved.) —— e A Double Offense. “We rave kidnaped your son-in. and are going to hold him un pay us $10,000 ransom——" 2 “You flatter him and insuit mel” interrupted the iron-jawed old gent “Keep him!”. £ T A aw way between 40th and 50th st. blind folded. » Once in a while you read about a motorist disobeying 2 or I laws !l once like for inst. they was & promi- ou{nent New Yorker got his name jn the|geldom smoke. papers a wile ago for speeding, drive- ing on the left side of the street and driveing wile intoxicated all at the same time. L never seen it printed If 2 man come along at night with- {in eating roast dogs, for our own Sioux Indians have from time immemorial ‘tury ago dogs were a favorite meat And I'had in reserve, in my jacket |make him get on the left hand car!with the negroes of Louisiana. Afri- | pocket, a pair of forty-one caliber |(rack and drive till he met a street|can negroes eat the llon. the jachal {the hyena und the crocodile. ; ——— Few Blind Men Smoke. «fhe sense of sight is responsible to a great extent for the fascination in smoking,” said the psychologist as he puffed on his cigar. n fact, the senses of taste and smell come sec- ond 1o sight in deriving enjoyment !from a good smoke. The greatest part of the pleasure 2 man has in ismoking is seeing the smoke -blow from his mouth and float in the air. ‘“1 have noted that sightless men, I have askcd many sightless men why . they did’ got smoke, and they replied they could Inot derive much pleasure from it. as | they could not see the smoke.”