Bemidji Daily Pioneer Newspaper, December 17, 1909, Page 18

One of Hook's Practical Jokes. Theodore Hook forged 4,000 letters to 4,000 tradesmen and others request- ing them to call on a certain day and hour at the house of a wealthy widow, Mrs. Tottenham, in Berners street, London, against whom he had con- ceived a grudge. i These people began to arrive soon after daybreak. The rush continued until nearly midnight. They came by fifties and hundreds. There were 100 chimney sweeps, 100 bakers, fifty doctors, fifty dentists, fifty accouchers. There were priests to ad- minister extreme unction and Metho- dist ministers to offer last prayers. There were fifty confectioners with wedding cakes, fifty undertakers with coffins, fifty fishmongers with baskets of cod and lobsters. They pushed, quarreled and fought, and the police were called out to prevent a riot. Fi- nally among the hoaxed ones came the governor of the Bank of England, the royal Duke of Gloucester and the lord mayor of London, each lured.thither by some cunning pretext. A police in- westigation followed, but the perpetra- tor was not detected. A Wonderful Bowman. The Romans were very skillful bow- men, although they discarded the weap- on In warfare, trusting to the charge and to hand to hand fighting. Many of the Roman emperors were famous archers. It is said that Domitian would place boys in the circus at a consider- able distance from him and as they held up their hands with the fingers outstretched he would send the arrows ketween them with such nicety and ac- <curacy of aim that he never inflicted a ‘wound. The wicked emperor Commodus boasted that he never missed his aim or failed to kill the wild beast that he shot with a single arrow. He would set a shaft in his bow as some wild beast was set free in the circus to de- vour a living criminal condemned to dle. Just when the furious animal was springing on his prey the emperor would strike it dead at the man’s feet. Sometimes 100 llons were let loose at once in order that he, with 100 arrows, might kill them. With arrows the beads of which were semicircular he would sever the necks of ostriches in full flight. A Talent For Balancing. The pleasant coffee room of the old Star and Garter at Richmond, which ‘was burned down in 1869, was patron- ized by England’s statesmen, politicians and writers. On Saturday evenings it ‘was regularly visited by a middle aged gentleman of rather broad stature, with gray hair and a large shirt collar which formed a conspicuous feature in his attire. He would dine always alone at a particular corner table, and -after dinner it was his humor to build up before him a pyramid of tumblers and wineglasses, which he topped with a decanter. Occasionally the whole structure would topple over and litter the table with its ruins. Then the mid- «dle aged gentleman would rise, pay ‘his bill, including the charge for broken glass, and depart. The waiters knew him well. He was Thomas Bab- ington, Lord Macaulay, Curious Greetings. A French journal has been looking into the question of how different races +express the colloquialism “How do you do?" and presents some curious exam- ples, The Koreans, for instance, do mnot give or imply any offense when they greet each other with the remark, “You do look old.” Persians say, “May Allah preserve your beard and cover it with benedictions.” Among a tribe -of Fiji islanders the correct form of ‘salutation is to pull one’s ear. A Caro- ‘line islander kneels before his friend, ‘whose foot he grasps and slaps himself wigorously in the face with it. In the ‘Budan a traveler was addressed by a mative chief as “Mighty sun,” the said chief finishing up with “Glory to thee, O splendid moon,” the remark being accentuated by expectorating in the traveler's right hand. Greatness. There is a kind of elevation which does not depend on fortune. It is a certain air which distinguishes us and seems to destine us for great things. it is a price which we imperceptibly set on ourselves. By this quality we usurp the deference of other men, and it puts us, in general, more above them than birth, dignity or even merit itself. —La Rochefoucauld. A Coincidence. “I'm afraid, George,” said his fiancee, “that you are going from bad to worse.” “Quite a coincidence,” muttered George. “That’s what Clara said when I threw her over for you.” Spurgeon’s Complaint. Mr. Spurgeon once complained that bis deacons were worse than the devil. “Resist the devil,” said he, “and he will fly from you, but resist a deacon and he will fly at you.” Hope. “There i{s no sweeter suffering than tope.” So runs an old German prov- erb, melancholy text for hearts that bitter disappointment has cured and to whom all hope is but memory. Not Entirely, Moe Rose—Do you think the automo- bile is replacing the horse? Joe Cose— ‘Well, not entirely, anyway. I haven’t found automobile in my bologna as yet.—Browning's Magazine. Of a Modern Genius. “CGoing to compile his life and !et-\ ters?” “There were no letters. I"'m going to compile his life and post cards.”— Washington Herald. . Newton’s Light Theory. SIr Isaac Newton earned worldwida fame by showing that gravitation, pre- viously recognized only at the surface of the earth, Is operative throughout the universe wherever there is matter. In another field of physics he was far less happy. His brilliant success in experimental optics came to be quali- fied, though not invalidated, by a faulty interpretation of the facts. He gave his name and powerful authority to the corpuscular theory of light. In Sir Isaac’s view, the phenomenon of luminosity is produced by corpuscles— exceedingly minute particles of matter —which are projected continuously from the sun, stars and all other lumi- nous bodies. But his corpuscles failed to elucidate all the appearances, and Sir ‘Isaac’s theory was finally deposed by an explanation which referred light to undulatory vibrations in the ether. It would be some comfort for the dis- coverer of universal gravitation, were he living now, to realize tnat the mod- ern physicist is daily dealing with cor- puscles flung off from matter at speeds fairly comparable with that of life it- self. Couldn’t Help It. - A young lady tells the following story of an Englishman she met dur- ing a trip to Mexico: The Englishman became acquainted with the American party while they were all guests at a winter hotel. ‘Whenever the parents of the American girl proposed any trip the Englishman immediately begged to be made one of the party. He was to be included in a moonlight trip to a nearby moun- tain. After the Americans were ready to start they had to delay some fifteen minutes awaiting their guest’s ar- rival. When he did arrive he elec- trified them by his comments on the reason for his delay. What he said was: “I beg pardon for my beastly tardi- ness. Couldn’t help it, don’cherknow. I had to bring my mother from the gardens first. It's a singular horrid bore, but one has to be kind to his mother, don’cherknow!” — Milwaukea Free Press. The Queer Screw Plant. There is nothing under the sun quite 80 quaint, so weird and witchlike as the pandanus prairies of Fiji. The pan- danus, or screw plant, as it is called, is a most grotesque specimen of the veg- etable kingdom even at the best and in the early stages of its growth, In iis very young days it is of an extraordi- narily screwlike shape and looks as though some unkind hand had taken bold of its long, swordlike leaves and twisted them round and round. Later on it straightens out a bit, and from it grow a number of tall wooden stilts, Its foliage is simple, a number of drooping, ragged tufts, for all the world like mops and very mournful looking. Among these mops hangs the fruit, in shape like a pineapple, made up of hard red and yellow kernels, woody and fibrous and quite uneatable from a European’s point of view. His Status. The caste system is so deeply rooted among the people of India that Chris- tianized Hindoos are still under its po- tent influence. For example, Mr. J. C. Oman, formerly professor of natural science in the government collere at Lahore, tells in his book, “The Brah- mans, Deists and Muslims of India,” of the native Christian head master of a mission school who was asked in a court of justice what his religion was “Brahman-Christian,” he replied. The judge, who was a European, not recognizing such a sect, asked for more information. “I am a Brahman-Christian,” reiter- ated the head master. “I cannot call myself simply a Christian,” he contin- ued with some warmth, “when that Choorah (sweeper) there is also a Christian. I am a Brahman-Christian, sie.” Friday and Fortunes. Two women who wished to make an appointment with a fortune teller who was pronounced *“just splendid” by everybody who had patronized her were advised by the seer to come on Friday. “That is, If you are not superstitious about Friday,” she sald. “Most people are. They regard Friday as such an unlucky day that they won’t even have their fortune told them for fear they will hear something unlucky. That is why I advised you to come on that day. 1 will have plenty of time and won't have to put your cases through with such a rush.”—St Louis Repub- He. An Equinox. Temmy—Pa, what i3 an equinox? Pa—Why—er—it is—ahem! For good- ness sake, Tommy, don’t you know anything about mythology at all? Am equinox was a fabled amimal, half horse, haif cow. Its name is derived from the words ‘equine’ and ‘ox.’ It does _seem as if these public schools don't teach children anything now- adays!” Naturalized. An Itallan went to the civil service commissioners’ rooms to be examined for a laborer’s position. He answered most of the questions correctly. Final- 1y they asked him if he had ever been naturalized. He seemed a bit puzzled, but at last his face lighted up. “Ah, T know whata: you mean. Bcratcha de arm. Yes, lasta week.” Then He Stole. Prudent Swain—If I were to steal a kiss, would it scare you so that you would scream? Timid Maiden—1I couldn’t. Fright always makes me dumb. —_—— I have never known a man of real ability to be nngrateful.—Goethe. Heart Disease and Sudden Death. A man rushing to catch a train the other day fell dead. In this instance it is fair to assume that the strain on a weak heart might fairly be held re- sponsible. In view of the fierce com- petition in life and the undue strain to which the masses of men are subjected it 1s of the highest importance that people known to be-affected with heart disease should exercise the greatest care as to overtaxing their physical strength in view of the danger of sud- den death, Instances of which are so common today. Inasmuch as few peo- ple are aware of having weak hearts, a safe rule for all men over forty is to avold the perils of haste and undue strain, as in lifting, rushing, etc. Ane other important factor, many people over forty indulging in excessive eat- ing are in danger of arterio-sclerosis, or hardening of the arteries, which re- sults in sudden death from apoplexy, kidney or heart disease, To sum the matter up, people over forty must lim- it their table indulgence and avold sudden and undue haste or strain if de- sirous of attaining a ripe old age— New York Herald. Made the Most of His Hats. When Lord Milner held his first re- ception at Pretorla the officers and legislators were given to understand that frock coats and tall hats were ex- pected of them. There was only one shop in the place in which silk hats, were so0ld, and this had but four of them. The Transvaal legislators rush- ed off in a body to buy these four, but the hatter, not being mad, saw his opportunity in their extremity. He knew there was hio time to get hats from anywhere else, 80 he resolved not to sell. He offered to let them out on hire at the rate of 10 shillings for ten minutes. His shop was close at hand. Four gentlemen eould present them- selves before his excellency.. After ten minutes they must silently steal away and hand over their hired finery to an- other panting quartet. It was done, and the hatter still repeats dreamily as he recalls the moment of his life, “It would not have been falr to have sold them, not fair to my customers and not fair to myself.”—Pall Mall Ga- zette. Couldn’t Feaze This One. An Instance of the careless, good na- tured philosophy of the negro may be seen In the little doggerel verse laugh- ingly sung by a black farmer when at the end of a bad crop year nothing was coming to him after his supply bills were paid. He could neither read nor write; he had no money or chance of getting any for another twelve- month, yet apparently there was no Iretting on his part. He took the bal- ance sheet, which was an utter mys- tery to him, and, pretending to inspect it and following the rows of figures with eye and finger, he gleefully chant- ed: “Aught’s an aught, Figger's a figger, Ev'ything fur de white man An’ nuffin’ fur de nigger!” Then carelessly he stuffed the bit of paper into his pocket, “cut the pigeon’s wing” and finally walked away to all appearances with a whimsical enjoy- ment of the fact that his own penniless condition corroborated the statement of his song.—Chicago Record-Herald. Put to Flight. The baby in arms was screaming lustily, and the man in the gray suit could Dot hide his irritability. “What on earth, madam,” he splut- tered, “do you mean by bringing such a howling brat into a public vehicle?” “It isn’t a brat!” retorted the mother, with natural indignation. “And if I'm any judge it doesn’t howl half as much as you did at its age, going by the looks of you!” The man in gray wriggled uneasily under the general serutiny. “Baby, see the ugly man?’ pursued the infuriated female, pointing at him. “See the monkey-ponkey, gorilla man what might take a first prize at a beau- ty show for the ’orriblest face? Baby, hush, or the ugly monkey man will”— But the sentence remained unfinished, for the man in the gray suit had bolt- ed.—London Graphic. Surf Birds. That birds of the family termed surt birds in the Hawaiian Islands should leave that paradise of the Pacific to go and rear their young in the tundras of Alaska would seem to many an ex- traordinary proceeding, yet the turn- stone and the black bellied plover and the Pacific golden plover make the long journey of about 4,000 miles thith- er annually. Two Reasons. “You mustn’t play with Mr, Borum’s hat, Bobby,” said a young lady who was entertaining a caller to her small brother. “Why musto’t 1?” asked the young- ster. “Because you might break it re- plied his sister, “and, besides, he will want it shortly.” Her Great Memory. The gift of memory was being dis- eussed when Alice wisely sald: “Mother’s got a good memory. She can remember things a heap further back than any of us children can.”— Lippincott's. Prehistoric. Little Girl—I've got a father and a muvver and a grandfather. Old Gent— And how old is yer grandfather? Lit- tle Girl—I don’t know, but we’ve had him a long time. Advertisel The speedy way to market a product 18 to give it publicity, and the newspa. per is the medium through which te reech all the world.—Waco Times-Her ald © An Unsought Pardon. Among the storles of that former governor of Texas ramiliarly known as Sam Houston is more than oue amusing tale. There was a financial agent of the penitentiary who bad warmly opposed the election of Governor Houston, but 'was particularly anxious to retain his own pleasantly lucrative position. Con- sequently the new governor was soon in receipt of a petition in which the man’s years of faithful service and courage swiftly rising. “Then, sir” said the governor, with the air of one conferring a priceless favor, “I pardon you out.” ¥ #peclal qualifications ToT the place were set forth in glowing terms by himself. The governor sent for.him and said gravely, “It appears from this petition that you have been in the penitentiary eight years.” “I have,” was the reply. “And during that time you have per- formed faithfully every duty that has come in your way to the best of your ability 7 4] have,” answered the agent, his . Capital Punishment. Bride (throwing her arms about the bridegroom’s neck)—You are my pris- oner for life! Bridegroom—It's not im- prisonment for life, love; it's capital punishment.—Sydney Town and Coun- try Journal. UST at this season of the year there’s many a person who is wondering what to give a man for Christmas.” The man cant tell you; probably doesn’t know: but the chances are that inside of two weeks after Christ- mas he'll be coming in here to buy something he wants that you could have given him for a present. Suggestions for Christmas One of our Hart Schaffner & Marx evening or dinner suits; every man wants one or both; $35 to $60. Or perhaps a Hart Schaffner & Marx fine overcoat, for dress, for business, for storm wear; a liberal, useful gift; $20 to $45. You might think well of a good business suit; Hart Schaffner & Marx make the right kind and we sell them right; $20 to $45. If you decided on such a gift the question of fit can be easily solved; bring us an old suit or overcoat; or tell us his size; after- ward, if the clothes don’t fit him right we’ll change or alter them free. There are many other things in a store like this; not so costly as clothes; quite as acceptable and useful. Fine neckwear; rich silks of the best quality; many fine color- ings and patterns; from 50 cents to $2.50. A great stock of good gloves from the best makers, $1.50 to $3. And heavier, cheaper gloves for other than dress wear. Walking sticks and umbrellas; imported fancy woods, some finely silver mounted; a good variety from $1 up. Sweaters and sweater coats are always acceptable; good things here, from $2 to $5. Fancy waistcoats for all occasions, for dress or business wear: some very smart novelties in imported and domestic fabrics, from $2.50 up to $10. Men’s jewelry sets of all sorts; cuff links; dress and dinner studs; sets in cases, cuff links and pin to match; full sets with shirt studs and waistcoat buttons alike. Prices from $1 as high as you please. These are only a few suggestions; we can’t catalogue the whole stock; come in and see. We issue gift certificates for any amount you say, or for any merchandise; the recipient of your gift can do his own choosing. Any goods you buy in this way are on approval, and may be returned and money returned, if you choose. This Store 1s the home of Hart Schaffner & Marx clothes Ry, :Cloth"ing House [