The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, August 12, 1900, Page 6

e i o 2 0 AN HUMELE POET. He is not one who soars and sings In hexametric strains profound; He knoweth best God’'s humbler things That nestle meekly near the ground, The first shy flower that lifts her face, In timid joy the spring to greet, He carols of with dainty grace, And limns for you a picture sweet. Hid safely midst the rippling oats, Iz unmarred domesticity, The brown quail with her brood he notes, And envies their felicity. For him alone each blade and flower A spell of glorious witchery weaves; He revels in their passing hour, And when they go 'tis he that grieves. And these who, ever climbing high, Only at last their dreams to miss, He entertains as they pass by With some brief nonsense such as this. —LIGHTQUILL. WILL BE A HERO. Miss Fortyodd—I'll never, never marry a man who is a bit of a coward. Miss Pert—No, of course not. The man | who marries you will deserve to wear the | red badge of courage.—Philadelphia Bul-; letin. A FAMILY MATTER NOW. | “Cellar buttons don't worry pore.”” ‘“3Vhy don’t they?’ ‘“Well, when 1 lose one on the floor 1 just steal one from my wife.”—indianapo- lis Journal. me any A MISUNDERSTANDING. “They say the younrg man Melissa Per- kins is goin’ to marry is a reg’lar para- gl.)n." “I and sakes! Do tell! T thought he was- a clerk in a grocery.”—Chicago Times- Herald. COULDN'T STAND THE CONTRAST. | “The Beglers have a new coachman.” “what did they do with the cld one?”’ “They had to let him go. He looked so | superior to the rest of the family.”— | Cleveland Plain Dealer. ™ ! FOR SUMMER READING. When to the woods and fields I go A book I must have with me, so Old hayseed Hcorace fills my need, In Latin—which I cznnot read. —Chicago Record. fes. the ant is an industrious little in- | sect; but it would not have much time to attend to business iIf it had for company ! all the sluggards that are recommeanded ta | its acquaintance. i it | at any price.”’—Detroit Free Press. | again,” | ¢hap! WHEN WE WERE BOYS. FALSE PRIDE. You tramp in rusty broadcloth— You make me tired! A fraud so poeorly covered Is not admired. Go swap it for a jumper And overalls, And quickly take your station Where duty calls. Take off your hat to labor, The uncrowned King, The prince and heir apparent Of everything. —JAMES M. MUSE. WHOLESALE. Miss Oldgirl—I think that was just love- ly to give Susan B. Anthony a rose for every vear ef her age. Mr. Sourdropp—Good thing they don't do that for everybody. Miss Oldgirl—Why, pray? Sourdropp—Some poor fellow'd have to buy a greenhouse for you.—Baltimore American. WILLING VICTIM. “Well, Mr. Bickers,” said Lawyer Breef, “your wife sues for divorce and asks $500) a year alimony. Of course we will defend “No, Mr. Breef, we will not defend,” replied Mr. Bickers. “But that is an enormous alimony.” “That’s all right, but I am for peace COULD USE IT. “If you'll waik slowly across the floor the photographer said, “I'll try another snapshot. This one shows you | with your foot in the air.” “That’s all right,”” replied the prominent citizen. “I'll send it to my daughter’'s young man."” ANOTHER FAILURE. Northrup—My congratulations on your marriage with the wealtby widow, old Of course, you are in clover now, eh? Hardup (sadly)—No; she isn't the loan widow I took her to be.—Chicagt Evening News. RURAL DELIGHTS. Jinks—Boarding in the country now, eh? What do you do with yourself evenings? Winks—Some nights I sit outdoors te keep cool, and other nights I go to bed to keep warm.—New York Weekly. NO CARDS. | “That measly cad from Yankeeland I'l- now preoeceed to erush!” And on the face of the Prince of Wales There came a royal flush. B o o e i e 4 A Fairy Tale. There was once a poor widow who had an only son. His name, it is hardly nec- essary to say, was Jack. Of course, he left home to seek his fortune and met a fairy on the road. The fairy took a fancy to Jack and gave him a diamend ring— paste diamonds, so that nobody would steal it—and teld him, when in trouble, to press the ring and she would do ths rest. Jack, in the pursuit of fortume, got in trouble in a poker game in Seattle—ran up against four of a kind and similar dif- ficulties—so he pressed the ring. The fairy appeared, remained invisible to the other players, and told him te play six more pots and get cold feet. The other players strongly objected to ceold feet at that stage of the game, and it required all the fairy's magic art to get Jack out alive, but she did it, and he left the place with money to burn. He now set out for the Kicndike, but, finding the Chilkoot Pass a hard road to travel, he pressed the ring again. - The fairy again appeared and pre- sented him with a pair of seven-leagued boots, but informed him that the Klon- dike was a back number and advised him to try Cape Nome. The upshot of it was that Jack made a fortune and be- came a New York multimillionaire. e married the fairy—that is a bold innnova- tion in fairy literature, but is expected to meet general approval—and she presides over Jack's establishment, according to the Sunday papers, with grace and tact. Jack spends a great deal of his time get- ting off that ancient gag that he was happier when he hadn’'t a dollar.—Puck. e A — PHYSICAL RESOURCES “Didn’t it require a lot of nerve to stand up and face the enemy In battle?” asked the interested listener, “Yes'm,” said the old seoldier, “and it took a whole lot of muscle to get away when the bloody beggars charged on us.”™ INFERRED. Mrs. Hatterson—I don’t know what 1 shall do. My husband has been so dis- contented lately over his meals at home. Mrs. Catterson—Why, 1 didn't know you were without a ceok.—Detroit Free Press. AND HE SUFFERED. I just had “I couldn’'t sleep last night. to get up and walk arcund.” “Insomnia, eh?” “Yes. The baby had it.”"—Philadelphia Press. IRRECONCILABLE. The Maiden—Mr. Courtwell, before I an- swer you, what is your politics? The Ardent Lover—l am a rock-rooted Democrat. The Maiden I'm a Middle-of-the-Road Populist. can't fuse, Mr. Courtwell. AT THE SEASIDE She walked the hot and barren sands, And yet she was in clover, And was engaged to three young men Before her siay was over. TWO OF A KIND. (with a little sigh)—Well, We LOVE WOE. O pitying reader, stop and think What widespread misery it must make When a man who weighs 300 pounds Is suffering from the stomachache. “She reminds e of Saturn.” “It's pretty hard to tell what her rings i s iR are made of.”—Chicago Times-Herald. ‘““And what do you regard as the great- est triumph of modern surgery?’ “Col- lecting the bills,” promptly respended the great practitioner. Without actually departing from the letter of the truth, it is astonishing what different stories two thoroughly respect- able men can tell to a jury. @ittt e e e e NOT THE SAME. *““Wal, Marandy, this is er leetle might rougher than the old swimmin’ hole hum, but I r&ckon we kin do a turn in it jest the same.”