The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, August 12, 1900, Page 2

() b Miss Watson—*"‘Mr. Johnsing, you seems to Mr. Johnson—*Yas, 1 does, Miss Watson. pahty 1 attended.” L B e e o o o i STRANGE LIQUOR TO HIM. At one of our commercial hotels a stout, red-faced gentleman, in a white beaver, blue coat and buff vest, offered to wager a fiver that he could close his eyes and simply by taste name any kind of liquor in the house. . The bet was taken and the process of winning or losing was commenced forth- with. ‘““This is genuine brandy,”” said the fat gentleman, tasting from a wine glass, “and this—this is whisky,” and so on. At this a wag poured cut a glass of water, which he handed to the connois- seur. “This is—ah—ah—this—is—-,"" said he, tasting it again; by thunder! gentiemen, I lose the bet! I never tasted this liquor before.”’—Spare Moments. HELPING THE MOVEMENT ALONG. “Your order prohibiting the smoking of coffin nails in your office was based, 1 presume, on the injurious effect, of the habit upon young men, was it not?” “Yes, and we felt, besides, like doing something in a practical way for the ben- efit of the fresh air fund.”—Chicago Tribune. UTTERLY RIDICULOUS. May—These postoffice clerks are just simple. I gave one a letter to-day and he said it needed another stamp because it was overweight. Fay—Well? May—Goodness! don’t you see? Another stamp would make it still h — Catholic Standard and Times. o BILL TOLD. Physician—Here is your bill, Mr. Jones. Jones—I am just beginning to realizge how sick 1 was.—Harper's Bazar. A GOOD SCHEM A THE SUNDAY CALL. take well at pahties.”™ I done took dis hat en coat at de las’ PLANT MYTHOLOGY. The Greeks and Romans of ancient times are not the only people who have curious mythological steries about the origin..of flowers. Scandinavian litera- ture abounds -with these pretty tales. Even our Indians had their say, in like manner, about these things. Among some of the Canadian aborigines, pines and cedars originated from strong men who were planted by their feet in the ground, and branches grew out from their bodies, in respense to wishes to live forever. It is singular that similar stories about the origin of evergreens have prevailed among ancient men in many isclated points.—Mehan's Monthly. EVERY INHABITANT IS INSANE. Indo-China has the only village of mad- men in the world. This village, which is called Ban-Keune, is composed of some 300 families, is industrially prosperous and pays yearly a goodly tribute to France. Yet it has not a single sane inhabitant To enter it one must be downright mad— or, as the natives call it, “pipop.” The coneeption of insanity prevailing in this part of the world is not that of a disease, but of a ‘‘possession.” — Philadelphia Times. TAKING THE CENSUS. Jones—Great Scott! has that man been in an explosion or a railroad wreck? Brown—Neither. He's a census enumer- ator who showed up a smaller population in his town than it had ten years ago.— Detroit Free Press. Weed—I love the smell of a good cigar. Butt—And I love the taste of one. TI'll tell you what to do. You buy a good cigar and TI'll smoke it. Then each of us will get what he likes so much. / E. - **Why do youn imagine he married his first wife’'s sister?” *“BSo he wouldn’t have to change mothers-in-law, I suppose.” f b i An Old Maid's Jolilcquy.' What is the cause of most of the worries of life? Drickbat Flirtation, oMollie C., of Westport, writes, for a simple code of flirtation. She = ask What is the greatest mistake that a |she is familiar with the fan and handx young man or woman can make on first | beginning their career? What is the cause of most of the im- morality in the world? What is it that makes half of the women of the country no better than slaves? Is it wise In this world of mutation and | chief systems, and wants to know if ther, is mo other. Here, Mollle, is a simple code—the bri bat flirtation: Pieking wp brick from walting for you. Carrying brick in right street—-I am hand—1 m positive uncertainties to swear strong | watching you. oaths that bind us fast for life? Carrying brick in left hand—I feel Is it wise to follow or contravene the | cure. laws of nature? Is it necessary to be unhappy? Should Biting corner of brick—I love vou Rubbing brick on nose—Write to m we fetter ourselves with the rules of our | Wrapping brick in handkerchie! | forefathers, whom we must admit, with | you. all due reverence to their bones, ashes and Throwing brick through window were not as much advanced in- | ware of the neighbors. memories, tellectually or in any other way as we are in this day? If extinction of the best part of oneself is a praiseworthy act, would not total de- struction be a desirable consummation? Is servility likely to lead to improve- | to me. ment eor uplifting? | Should each of us be provided with a | want to make an impression. keeper? If most of the above questions Indicate a negative answer why should a young ’ certain to attract attention, and brick woman get married? —_———— ———— AROUSING HIM. Mrs. Dimpleton—It is time to give the baby his milk and the dear little soul is asleep. I want him to wake naturally. Dimpleton—That’s easy. I'll snore a few times.—Puck. : on chin—We ‘ Balancing Dbrick | watched. Striking back of head with brick married. Scratching ear with briek—Don't s he Throwing brick at stramger s Putting brick in pocket—We are < i This code has the advantage of | always to be found, even when you is at home and your handkerchief is beig laundered.—Baltimore American. —_—_—.-.P_— Smith—You and Jones don’t seem f e as friendly as you were. Does he ows ) money? Brown—No, not exactly; but wanted to. ?"\’ Mr. William Worm—"Why so gioomy, Lewis?” Mr. Lewis Locust—"“My sweetheart has left town for a seventeen-year vi: COULDN'T BEBUT ONE. Said One Shopper—Oh, I just saw the loveliest, sweetest, prettiest baby a min- ute ago. Said the Other Shepper—What! Do you mean to tell me that stupid nurse has dared to bring out my little déarling in such a day as this?—London Tit-Bits. § MBI GETS :(' - ¥ . .-Z-I-Q COULD NOT HELP IT. Benevolent Person (lo old tramp)-You ought to be ashamed of yourself to be begging at your age. Tramp (indignantly)—How on earth can I beg at any other age now, I'd like to know. Give me a penny.—London Tit- Bits. tlniniei-€) +¥ “How did you know you were in love with me?” “1 felt so foolish.” o e 2 i o fooferert WEALTH AND EARLY RISING. “Do you think that early rising helps a man get rich?” “I don’t know,” answered the man who makes careful distinctions. *“I should say it depended on whether he’s the one who starts the first street car or the ice- man.”’-Washington Star. A THEATRICAL HAUNT. “I suppose in your varied theatrical ex- perience,” said the matinee girl, *‘“you have seen life in all the big cities. What is your favorite haunt?” “Well, really, ‘haunts’ are not my spe- cialty,” replied Mr. Barnes-Tormer, “al- though once I did play the ghost in ‘Ham- let.” "—Detroit Free Press, SARCASM. Wife (reading)—Another mysterious sui- lcid&—unknown man throws himself from [a clff. 3 Husband (thoughtlessly)—Bet was at the bottom of it. Wife—Charles! Husband (hurriedly)—Of the cliff, my love; not the suicide.—Collier's Weekly. TALKING ABOUT WEEDS. his wife “She’'s a mighty pretty girl and has a lot of money. Weonder what her father is? Must be a landed proprietor, for he's always talking about hay and straw and such things.™ “Cigar manufacturer, probably!” Heite ere Welt.