Evening Star Newspaper, January 25, 1942, Page 89

HE saying that “‘no roof is broad enough to house two families” is characteristic of the American spirit of individual freedom. It was universal in a world at peace. The ideal of bride and bridegroom was to begin housekeeping by themselves. But “emergency’’ situations are un- EASY TO DIGEST ! Page Sixteen ending. An especially important one arises from the sudden marriage of two young people before the man goes into the Army. If his salary was not enough to marry on before, what will they do if his pay is $21 a month? Probably John leaves his bride with her parents. Or it may be that he takes her to his own home. This last situation is bringing me an increasing number of let- ters. I want to answer one that comes from a bride who is a com- plete stranger to her husband’s Samily. Her problem isa challenge: “I have been reading your chapter on Tact and I'd like to know how I can become an echo and a chameleon and yet keep my individuality. I don't want John to come home and find an altogether different person from the one he fell in love with. I would do much to have John’s mother and sisters like me. And so far I really like them — but on certain points I do not hold with them at all.” In addition tg its wording, the small, clear, almost printed handwrit- ing of this letter suggests capable traits of mind and character, but per- haps also self-opinionatedness. And since | am sure Mary does not want to be answered with polite platitudes, I must say that tact and adaptability — difficult, probably, for this partic- ular bride — are of first importance. In this case, Mary has married into a big family, and little more is needed than reasonable adaptability on her part and friendliness on theirs. The best answer I can make to you, Mary, is to adapt yourself to his fam- ily as a skillful traveler adapts himself for a long stay in a foreign country. This only means avoiding tactless comments, or discussions which lead nowhere and do good to no one. If it becomes really important to give your opinion, give it truthfully, of course. But under most circum- stances you can good-temperedly say : *“I refuse to be drawn in,”’ or, “l don’t know enough about it to discuss it!"’ Answer lightly, smilingly — not with a cold, hard, captious attitude. It will help if you realize that many of the qualities you love in John are dupli- cated in other members of his family. It is scarcely necessary to say that the most tactless thing you can do is to run your arm through his with a gesture that announces to his mother or his favorite sister: ‘‘He is mine.”” Of course he is! But don’t stand on the hearth that has always been home to him and announce by your manner: ‘“This isn’t ‘home’ to John any more."’ The most difficult of all mother- in-law situations arises when the bridegroom is the only son, pos- sibly the only child of a widow, and has been her closest comrade. Yet considerateness can make this relationship perfect. There is one last point which seems to me of importance: All four parents — hers and his — have had togive up their children. The really happy par- ents-in-law are those who feel that they have not lost a son, but have gained a daughter. Turning it into a gain, however, lies largely with the bride. It is not possible to turn a strange young woman into a daughter unless she accepts the role gladly. Released by The Bell S8yndicate, Inc. TW—1-25-42