Evening Star Newspaper, April 14, 1929, Page 6

PRESIDENT AND OTHER NOTABLES CARICATURED BY GRIDIRON CLUB * HODVER “MACHIE" (MORSELL HONORED | === e e ENFORCEMENT which was to have no. eq v /, UR ualization fee. up of California “forty-niners,” METHODS GRILLED i Gridiron Club. _Dinner’ Fea- tured by Thrusts at Curtis ‘and Others. . (Continued From Pirst Page) Club I demand to know by what order of preceedence—or precedent—you know what I mean—the seats were arranged at this dinner,” sald Groves. “As vice president of the Gridiron Club I object o being seateéd at the foot of the table when all those people at the head ta- ble, many of whom I know are not vice presidents, - take . precedence—or prece- | dents—gou know ‘what 1 mean—over “Why don't you protest to the State Department,” asked the president. “T did,” responded the vice presiden! “] asked the high hats for tie low down. ‘They gave me this Gets Tntricate Bxplanation. “Qn ze precessnve V. precedents, there 18 8 precscony for every preceedent. ‘This case on for trial ‘April 12. ‘There receedents, or precedents, proceedings as to preceding | “or preceedents, but as- 10 ~ president the precedtns, or pre- ceadents, determining the preceedence, or precedents, in.all preceding proceed- ny Igf)he vice president, lost in a maze of | words, threw up his hands and finally decided to keep the seai that had been warded him. " The machine-like precision of ‘the Hoover administration and its domina- tion by the first engineer to enter the | White House since George ‘Washington Wad' revealed when a large, unwieldy Jooking Jmachine, the Hoover ‘machine, was placed on the stage and members of the club representing Secretary of State Stimson, Attorney General Mitch- ell, Secretary Mellon, Vice . President | Curtis and Senator Borah trooped in -dressed as miechanics and surveyors, but wearing high silk hats. The Attorney General announced that | at last the engineer: have landed on ylvania avenue.’ Pe‘l:";‘lu;l)s." he continued, “is the most im- ‘portant landing in American history | since tite, pilgrims Janded on Plymouth | . Corbett landed on John Roc d Herbert Hoover landed in’the G. O. L o Refers to Quota Issue. Secrétary Stimson suggested that, for & Democrat, the Attorney General had landed pretty well himself. But Mitchell replied {hat ~if Republican national ori- gins were the . best for holdiag office now the vacancies in the quoia would begin at the top.” 4 -g-mgm.-v answered Stim: “The slogan of this adminisiraticn is, “To be * Democratic s human; to be Republican is_convenien “That's the Hoover way,” said Mitchell. “When he has spent four vears taking the governmental machinery apart, the - country- will have to send him back for «four more years to put it together (again.”. f Tt was determined to be “efficient and the cast began formulating policis for the “chief engineer.” The first e fort along this line was by Vice Presi- - dent_Curtis, who said: 2. Friengs ‘of Dr. Work, ¢hairman of "§he. Republicin national commitiee and Jformer Secretary of the Interior, ‘Would like approval of the following: ‘The past policy of the Department, of the Interior * in “making: ol leases’ is hereby appro { bs Answers From Machine. This formula was dropped into the Thopper of the big machine, the Secre- 1tary of Stete gave the crank a turn and the Attorney General drew the answer ~ou§,nt the ‘‘Heover machife” It read: = “There will be no oil leases in this & Borab isied his luck at formu- e adslvis the. entty of the i 2 into-the Wotl but e Moover machine. declared “agains ; Secretary Mellon ventured to,write | rmula_ggamst publicity of income | %mefunds, but the machine dgwhed however, produced a letter from ver saying that the members' of inet svere to report ai the White uge “for durther discussion of carry- dorward “the policies. of ‘Mr., Cool- | jit ain't goin’ to bé any time in._this_administratign.” : 4 fen ‘T :‘ffi mh:x-mc_cam- ; ke~ e conki - 1] ‘Eflg,e‘ncbmy-mdm‘ _Musiciaps Then Arrive. A few.minutes later the club’s music efecommitiée, dréssed as fishermen and _carrying rods with reels over their _fhoulders, camé on the scene. & * *Way,” @emanded a member, “are we 3]l dressed as fishermen?™ “This js.4 fisherman’s administration,” 2 het.: “ie fished for the nom- AdRation for eight"years and he goi it; he fished. for the election for five months and * he, got it. Give him:two more /n 'the White ‘House and you'll /2see him throw out & line baited for.a “fisn_called 1932 : “But,” said a"third member; “think oty 4 Msperman putting a ban-on the “greatest of M% ressions.” “What . Was, t2”" agked a. fourth “Please pass the flask.” - ‘The:. was made that before President. Hooyer gets through with ess “‘he ,will have- that bunch ., Congr 3 “hooked for.keeps.” o To the tune -of “Midshipmite” the | music committee sang: j¢ will get them yet. J Congressman, hide if you can. Por_he's ol his way, 8o look out today ‘1For. the White House fisherman! After discdssing the way in which Mr, wver had “hooked” the members of cabinet, 10 Robots, representing the A ~>cabinet members and each wearing a Hoover head, marched onto the stage, e W m 'tchtl""l played a marionet Many,_Roles for Hoover. 9. Next Mr: Hoover wes revealed, not only ) lhge’ ‘whioje cabinet, but as the “White ¢ B " and $he “Col. House" 28 “Evel ration,” K r.y “Has, 4 goat. Who'll be the +¥goat of ‘this administration?” ., | ith his Tod and net 3’ r ,_m"vgho ‘but Hoover?” was the response For the benefit of the distinguished " Democrats attending theé _dinner. the BRINGING UP FATHER _ ROY ROBERTS. club produced the “Minority Symphony Orchestr: Thé orchestra, four in. number, was headed by “Alfredo Tosca- nini Smith,” the “Democratic conduc- tar. s o ‘e must- have a program before we can. give a concert,” announced Con- ductor Smith. “The purpose of this re- hearsal is to devise a new Democratic harmony.” “Our ‘concerts,” piped up one of the musicians, “have not been going so big, Signor. Smith, ~Last season we lost $1,300,000." “I' can't ‘understand why we lost,” said Smith. “Boston went wild over our rendition of ‘Brown October Ale.” Solution Is Offered. Conductor Smith gave his solution of the probiem, *There is just one answer,” he said, “to the Democratic harmony problem. We've got to have a symphony which will appeal to everybody. Let's try it. First, we'll get the drys with that great ‘Have Courage, My ‘Then we'll get the West with burger Flo: We'll mix in ‘Die Wacht Am Rhine’ for the quota voters, and, last of all, as a tbuch of sentiment for 1932, ‘Then You'll Remember Me.' “Great!” replied the musician, * have & recard made and put in a hand- organ. That will give us a chance once | more to make & monkey-out of the Democratic donkey.” “The Gridiron Theater Guild" pre- ted an yp-to-the-minute version of Strange Interlude.” The action - re. volved around a tragic episode of com panionate marriage, with “Pa M “Ma Haugen” and “Aggie Mc- Nary-Haugen, the beautiful farm re- lief ‘girl,” as the prineipal actors. The scene was the McNary-Haugen home- stead on the prairies of the corn belt. A “hired girl,”™ who ‘turned out to be Franklin Fort of New Jersey in dis- guise, and Dr. Hubert Work completed the cast. ‘The opening was & typical domestic scene in the McNary-Haugen household. Ma Haugen, Aggie and the hired girl were revealed reading, waiting for Pa McNary to comie in from the cow barn. Aggie 'was the first to speak,. Something Queer Sensed. Aggle (aside) — (There's something mighty queer going on' in_this house. Wonder if that hired girl knows as much .as she- pretends: to. She says things is going to be mighty different afound here now that Uncle Hefbert is ruling the roost.) (To Ma Haugen) Ma Haugen,' don't Pa McNary love us no more? : Ma Haugen (aside)—(It's come at last. But I.ain‘t going to admit noth- ing,) (To Aggle) Nonsense, Aggie. Pa McNary loves us just 8s much as he ever did. (Which ain’t no lie.) % Aggie (aside)—(She's -stallin’. She i hates to see Pa McNary showed up.) (To Ma Haugen) Why, Ma Haugen, Pa McNary ain’t been the same since he come home from Kansas City. He mut- ters and scowis whenever he:sees me and calls me economically unsound; says he is going to haye Dr. Work re- move my equalization fee. Ma Haugen—What’s that? Econom- ieally Ginsound?. Why, that's what your Uncle Calvin called you. He: got the phrase from .your. Uncle Her- oy | bert. And what did Pa McNary call rmu- | them? He called them politically un- { sound. Aggie—But when Pa McNary come home from. Kensas. City he sald he had seen the light. Ma Haugen Suspicious. The hired girl, declaring that “after Houston” everybody saw the light, went out. Ma Haugen told Aggle she was “suspicious of that person. She warned Aggle not to let any one cut out ber equalization fee, that ‘it would be the deeth of her.” The dialogue continued: + Aggie—Ma Haugen,-how old am 1? Ma Haugen—Going on 10 years, I reckon. Why do you ask? i Aggle—Ma Haugen, I'm cld erough to be told. I'want to know the truth. Something tclls me Pa McNary i§ not my father. ¢ Ma Haugen—Hush, child, you— The hired girl dashed in. -She'said that Pa McNary was delivering a speech to the cows, &nd telling, them that a “deus ex machina” was in the White House. “How did the discontented cows take that?” snorted Ma Haugen. “They meoed him most awfully,” said the hired girl. . 2 » Enters House Declaiming. Pa McNary entéred declaiming in Shakespearean _style; 5 “Now is the Winter of our discontent Made glorious Summer by our bril- liant Herb i Whose policy Herbaceous on agricul- tural ills Is cunningly devised. And 'if the policy should go' awry Attorney Hyde will draft the alibl” “Pa McNary and Msa Haugen split over the question of removing Aggie's equalization fee. ' Dr. Work was called in to perform the. operation. ~As Dr. Work entered, Pa. McNary said: “Let me prescnt you to my—er—er— companion in ' companionate bliss; Ma H::,:en. and ths child nl"h:ur 'uniun. McNary-Haugen, amous farm relief girl who needs a little relief herself, Youre suffering, ain't you. girl? :*Say you're-suffering,” - “Naw, I ain’t suff , Pa, but: you are—you - and Uncle - rt,” sald Aggie. i i Ma n refused to let Dr. Work proceed i tion. and Pa “It's just & ‘matter of sclentific birth control,” sald Dr. Work, “Aggie’s going to _have -a little sister but won't ba - McNary-Ha t - Ma ugen e, Aggle with her, Dr. Work joined Pa | And your necks and ears-—— | The Forty-niners came too late; | That's why we can hardly wait; | Open wide that Golden Gate— |order and try not to be too damn | ceived a telephone call from President | lows: “Hello, hello—— Yes, this is the | interrupting an impor(ant session of | the Senate? Oh, pardon me, pardon me, | 1 didn't recognize your voice, my dear Mr. President. Whats that? Yes, I | ed onthat either, but we'll soon send | been seized in front of the Capitol. He | combining_ Coolidge economy . ggs" in red flannet shown ‘Washingtoi, celebratin election of & Californian: as. nt, “Calitornia’s political - prospecting on Pennsylvania avenye,” ' To the tune of “On Wisconsin,” they sang; , “Forty-niners! ' ‘Forty-niners! . Glory to the name! . ° ‘We have won the Pres-i-den-cy To add to our fame, Caiifornia! - Californial' Now will run the show. . Ho! Westward! Ho! Ho! Hol Hell-roarin’ go.” = b declared their intention _of backing up Hoover at every turn. But at that point the “twenty-niners,” club members dressed in gingham, - with aprons and sunbonnets and toy brooms, rushed on the stage and told the “forty- niners” to bs “on their way”; that the | women were going to run things in Washington. The “twenty-niners” sang: “If you get into the White House, 1 you're invited some day, Wash all your faces We women have made things that way. He'll give you ice cream and dainties, Maybe he'll serve you some tea, If you get into the White House, - Don't mention that you are thirsty.” Told of New Era. After the “forty-niners” had been told there was to be no “likker, no gam- bling, no shooting, no vice,” they nounced they were going home, and left the stage singing: “California, here we come— Right back where we started from. This city, so pretty, gave us the air— Reformers, alarmers, here an’ there an’ ev'rywhere, <California, here we come.” “The Private Life of Curtis of Kansas," or “The Kaw Man.” was the title of a musical skit, with the music committee dressed as Indians. Vice President Curtis was shown first as a boy jockey, then as a hack driver in Kansas City, while he was a law stu- dent, and finally as the Vice President. The boy jockey, Curtds, when his at- tention was called to the fact a race track was no place for a future Vice President, replied: “I rode, but never bet. It was all done in the spirit of the great outdoors and the Boy Scouts.” ‘The Senate in special session, with Vice President Curtis presiding, was placed before the club’s guesis. It was Midsummer and still no farm bill or tariff bill had been taken up for con- sideration. “The Senate,” said the Vice President, pounding on the table, “will come to| dumb.” . Heflin Raises Objections. Constant objections by Senator Heflin of Alabama and Senator Norris of Nebraska prevented the consideration of any business, The Vice President re- Hoover demanding action. The Vice President's end of the tele- ph conversation proceeded as fol- Vice President—what do you inean by know it's August.- On the tariff? No, the boys haven't done anything yet. On farm relief? Well, no, they haven't act- you a nicé_bill regulating the size of catfish in Boulder Dam: Canyon. You say you don't give a Boulder Dam— | what—what — hello — hello — (banging hook up and down, then replaces, phone on table. These engineers know .a lot |, of dams. (To the Senate, with big bang of gafel) The Senate wjll be In order. Gentlemen, the President wants action.” “I object!” shouted Heflin. Senator . Watson, the Republican leader, announced he had been informed that a truckload of embassy liquor had moved a recess of 30 minutes, which was carried’ with a cheer. Donovan Is Decorated A club member impersonated Col. “Wild ‘Bill” Donov: former assistant to the Attorney General, who failed to be appcinted o’ a place in the Presi- dent’s cabinet. 4 “Oh boy,” he said, “that was some battle. The battle of 2300 S street” (the number of President Hoover’s Washing- ton house). ; Col. Donovan said he had recently re- ceived a new decoration, “the Order of the Boot.” The club deccrated an “inventor” who had made a machine . on which ex- Presidents may do their literary work. I principle was “the application of 2 typewriter keyboard to a cash register,” wi Hoover efficiency. A parody ' of "0%; Tronsides” was the club’s farewell to the presidential yacht, the Mayflower. Dr. Work, impersonated by a club member, announced he had aided one statesman in accomplishing his desire. . “Who was that?” he was asked. ed: no reward for ‘carrying the South, and I saw that he got it.” New President ‘Welcomed. Roy A. Roberts, managing ‘edtor of the Kansas City Star, recently elected president of the Gridiron Club, was in- augurated, with a real inaugural parade. The club initiated four new active ‘members and two new limited members. ‘The, active members were George Roth- well Brown of the Washington Post. Mark Thistlethwaite of the Fort Wayne Journal-Gazette, Robert R.Lane of the Newark News and Robert B.\Smith of the Philadelphia Public - Ledger. Mr. | Smith was elected a member-at & meet- ing of the club yesterday afternoon. The limited members were William T. Ray- | mond and Charles T: Tittmann, A souvenir of tHe dinner wes “The New Illustrated Congressional Record,” produced for the occasion by the Grid- iron Club. It followed exactly the style adopted for the Congressional Record so far as the printing was concerned. ~Be- yond that, however, it was differént. For example, the record of the Senate pro- ceedings, under date of Saturday, April 13, began as follows: i “The Senate met at 12 o'clock merid- ian, on:the e: n of the. vacation in rlomg everybody being broke but Sen- ator ‘'ouzins, 5 B :“The Vice President: It gives me a ‘pain in the neck to announce that the Senate will receive a message from the | House of Representatives. Message From the House. “A ‘message from the House of Rep- resentatives by Mr. Halt Again, one of its clerks, anmounced - that the House would ‘frame, its own tariff bill, and mdmsenmmun)umpmghe “The message also annaunced that th~ gawd tg. d&:alw was %'.‘euflm u::’:ed e L [ “The Vice President’ laid before' the) Senate k sheet r from the tn lmwfle&‘lp.” Alnl!of_ " =~with apologies to *“Col. Horace Mann, He said he want- | HERNDON MARSELL. Senate Genate joint resolution No. 1, authorizing an appropriation of $5,750,~ 000 for the construction of an official residence for the Vice President of the United States, and a country home on the nearest race track to Washington. “Mr. Watson: I desire to offer the following amendment: In line six, after the words ‘Vice President’ add, ‘and for a town residence and a country bungalow for each Senator, the sum of_$22,500,000. “Mr. Smoot: I object. 4 “The Vice President: Sit down! ‘Mr. Watson: The Senator from Utah, I am-told, already has a new combina- tion town and country house. Am I correctly informed? #Mr. Smoot: Who let that cat out of the bag? “Mr. Watson: You admit the charge? “The Vice President: I guess that will restrain you for & considerable eriod. Take your seal and don't let nie hear another word out of you today.” Sample of House Record, The record of the House proceedings contained the followin, “Mr. Cable: Mr. Speaki “The Speaker: ~For what purpose does the gentleman obtrude himself upon these proceedings? “Mr. Cable: I move that we proceed to the election of a Speaker. “Mr. Longworth: That's' all‘ been attended to, Didn't you read last year's apers? “Mr. Ludlow: Mr. Chairman. The gentleman from Ohilo is talking about the Speaker of this House, not the last House. “Mr. Longworth: The Speaker of this House was selected by the last Con- gress. Has the gentleman from Indiana got anything to say against it? “Mr. Ludlow: Not until I get back in the newspaper business. “Mr, Cannon: I make the point of order that there is not a quorum present, “Mr. Snell: The boat from Panama arrives tomorrow. ‘Mr. Beck: Speaking of Panama—- “Mr. - Longworth: The gentleman from Philadelphia is out of order, Speaking of Panama is in violation of rule: XXVII, clause 2. “Mir. Morgan: Mr. Speaker. I didn't bring in four bottles. I didn’t bring in four bottles. “Mr. Longworth: That question is not. before the.House, and, moreover, hy didn't you? . “Mr. Morgan: I know it isn’t before the House, but I've got to keep in ‘practice.” 3 The - guests and - members present follow: i The President of the United States. The Vice President of the United tes. The Secretary of State. The Chief Justice of the United States. The Ambassador ot Great Britain. The Ambassador of Mexico. The Ambassador of Brazil, . The Ambassador of Cuba. .The Ambassador of Chile. ‘The Ambassador of Germany. The Ambassador of Japan. The Secretary of the Treasury. The Secretary of the Navy. The Secretary of the Interior. The Secretary of Agriculture. ‘The Secretary of Commerce. The Secretary of Labor. The Minister of Uraguay. The Minister of Irish Free State. The Minister of Canada. . The Minister of Costa Rica, The Minister of Ecuador. Horatlo H. Adams, Washington. Walter E. Adams, Boston, Mass. George Akerson, secretary to the President. Francis G. Aldham, the Canadian Press Association. Theodore Alford, the Kansas City tar. O. P. Allee, Kansas City, Mo. Senator Henry J, Allen, Kansas. Raymond H. Allen, New York City. Sydney Anderson, ‘Washington. Rufus E. Andros, Washington. Robert B. Armstrong, the Los An- geles Times. 2 E. J. Archibald, editor, Montreal Star. Norman 8. Archibald, Seattle, Wash. George Auer, the New York Herald- Tribune. Representative Bacharach, New Jersey. Dr. Walter Baetjer, Baltimore, Md. David Baird, jr., Camden, N. J. Charles -E. Baldwin, Washington. (ll)r. Lewellys F. Barker, Baltimore, Dr. Walter F. Barry, Newark, N. J. - J. ‘Edward Barry, the Louisville: Her- ald-Post. David S. Barry, sergeant at arms, United States Senate. - Robert Barry, the New York Evening L World. - - Berpard M. Baruch, New York City. Pcl::irm n W. Baxter, the v‘yumn‘wn William H., Beck, assistant to Secre- tary of State. Dr. Golin Lake Begg, New York City. Ultic Bell, the . Louisville Courier- Journal, 4 % § Peul -Belldmy, the Clevéland . Plain Dealer. * Robert J. Bender, the United Press. Ira E. Bennett, the Washington Post. C. K. Berryman. The Washington Star. Judge Robert W. Bingham, the Louis- ville Courier-Journal. . Howard M. Biscoe, vice president Bos- ten & Albany Railroad. Col. C. B. Blethen, the Seattle Times. Representative Bloom, New York. John 8. Blue, New York City. Stuart O. Blythe, the Ladies’ Home J urnal, \ it ~Representative Bolton, Ohfo. - Gieorge-Gavvert Bowle, Washington eorge Calvert Bowle, J. F. M. Bowle, Wi “"Dr. Siratton ‘Brooks;presiden 4 ¢ t ’ | versity of Missourt. T | committeeman from Kentucky. BY GRIDIRON CLUB Fortieth Year of His Member- ship Marked by Gift - of Watch. Raillery gave way to sentiment for a few moments at the Gridiron Club dinner at the Willard last night. The club remembered that this.year marks the fortieth anniversary of the election of Herndon Morsell to membership, the ing of his second cycle of 40 years as director of music. A gold watch, on the back of which was a diamond studded gridiron, sented to Mr. Morsell, who has one of Washington's most singers. As the tenor of the old Boston Ideals, Herrdon Morsell was distinguished in musical circles when he was elected to ll‘l;en!:beramp in the Gridiron Club in ‘With all lights in the big ballroom flashed out suddenly leaving only the blazing flame of the gridiron voice came booming through the hall. “I am the voice of the real gridiron spirit,” it sald and it demanded a few moments to hear a song famous at the club dinners for a quarter of a century—"The Song That Reached My Heart.” ‘The song was sung last night by Tudor Morsell, Herndon Morsell's son, also & member of the club. On one occasion, Mark Hanna, too ill to at- tend a gridiron dinner, was rolled into the hall in an invalid’s chair to hear Herndon Morsell sing this song. An embossed \scroll, bearing the signature of all the club members, ex- pressing their affection for Mr. Morsell, was read by the president of the club. Walker 8. Buell, the Cleveland Plain Dealer. James P. Burke, Pittsburgh, Pa. James J. Burke, Salt Lake City, Utah. Senator Burton, Ohio. Edward H. Butler, the Buffalo Eve- ning News. Gegyge T. Cameron, the San Fran- cisco Chronicle. 8. T. Cameron, Washington. Luther 8. Cannon, Washington. Senator Arthur Capper, Kansas. Col. John H. Carroll, Washington. William L. Chenery, Collier’s Weekly. W. D. Chandler, the Seattle Times. J. Matt Chilton, Republican national Representative Clancy, Michigan. Raymond Clapper, the United Press. . ngll‘d B. Clark, the Chicago Evening ost., Edward T. Clark, Washington, Walton Clark, jr, New York City. ‘Thomas Cochrane, New York City. * Senator Tom Connally, Texas. George M. Cook, Chicago, IlL Lewv1 Cooke, Washington. Wade H. Cooper, Washington. William 8. Corby, Washington. George M. Courts, commander, U. S.N. J. Cheever Cowdin, New York Cii; ‘William Coyne, Wilmington, Del Stuart W. Cramer, Cramerton, N. C. 3 nmer, Washington. Robert. H. Cresswell, the New York Herald-Tribune. Harris M. Crist, the Brooklyn Dafly Eagle. Edward Croft, colonel, U. 8. A. George G, Crofts, Buffalo, N. Y. ~J. Harry Cunninghani,” Washington. é, Max Cunningham, Chevy Chase, Henry H. Currazi, New York City. “H. K. Curtls, Philadelphia, ‘Pa. - ' A Lee Cutler, San Francisco, Calif. E. M. Dealey, the Dallas News. John C. Dice, Richmond, Va. Clarence Dodge, Washington. Franklin D'Olier, vice president Pru- dential Insurance Co. ‘W. J. Donald, Washington, Dr. Francis D. Donoghue, Boston, Col. William J. Donovan, Washington. Eben S. Draper, Hopedale, Mass. H. Rozier Dulaney, jr., Washington. Fred East, Washington. Don S. Elias, the Asheville Times, J. G. Ellingham, the Journal-Gazette, Roe Emery, Denver, Colo. Sl Richard P. Ernst, former' Senator from Kentucky. J. Fred Essary, the Baltimore Sun. Joshua Evans, jr., Washington. Walter J. Fahy, New York City. 5 Warren C. Fairbanks, the Indianapolis ews. Randolph Fenton, Baltimore, Md, Senator Simeon D. Fess, Ohio. . Carter Field, the New York Herald- Tribune. John 8. Fisher, Governor of Pennsyl- vania. Mark Foote, the Grand Rapids Press. E. W. Forisel. 8t. Louis. Rudolph Forster, executive. clerk, " Representdiive Fort ot New Jersey. presen ] of ‘New J Edwin W. Gableman, the <Cing Inguirer, - > 3 olmwu H, Gableman, Portsmouth, Frank E. Gannett, the Gannett news- papers, Julius Garfinckel, Washington. Representative John N. Garrier, Texas. John W. Garrett, Baltimore, Md. George B. Gavin, the Boston Globe. John P, Gavit; New York City. Clinton W. Gilbert, the Philadelphia Tublic Ledger. . 3 R. M. Ginter, Harrisburg, Pa. g:ol‘k L.E.Gom'lin, the Dailas News. rge E. Gleeson, South Orange, N.J. Chris J. Goak:ler. Wl:‘hl.nl?.ml‘.e Stuart Gregson, Reading, Mass. Dr. Charles I. Griffith, Washington. shal, , Tex. Charles S. Groves, the Boston Globe, Willlam F. Ham, Washington, Henry Hall, Washington. A. Boyd Hamilton, secretary Pennsyl- | vania State Senate, o Slarence O. Hamlin, Colotads Springs, 0J0. John Hays Hammond, Washington. ‘l-'!”m;y KGu Hlntordr.e;'ge ?Vé;ll!n' Star. &g;l;lé : lhm: president Chesapeake . James G.. Harbor lent, Radio Corporation of Amerimcmm George U. Harris, New York City. William E. Haskell, the New York Herald-Tribune, * N. D. Hawkins, jr.. Washington. Jay G. Hayden, the Detroit News. Senator Herbert of Rhode Island. Judge C. elserman, and gencral Goe) mim ! Arth the the Public Ledger, { News: “ William- FEEDING THE SOUIRRFIS .- 3 * TOM HEFLIN IS COMPELLED T ADDRESS THE SENATE - 9 % “|guests. * One i o | 7 4""‘ { *AND THE CLERK Wi{L./CALL HIE BOLL™ - 1 i e Harry Hoskinson, wmmn. Hilleary G. Hoskinson, Washington. Louis Howe, secretary to the Governor of New York. Patrick J. Hurley, Assistant Secretary ermane, the ‘Seattle Times. Richard Jervis, Washingion. Philander C. Johnson, The Evening of War, W. W. J Star. Representative Johnson of South Dakota. Carl W. Jones, the Minneapolis‘Jour- nal . Herbert L. Jones, New York City. Herbert V. Jones, Kansas City, Mo. Raymond E. Jones, New York City. W.'A. Jones, Now: York City. Senator Jones of ‘Washington. ‘Theodore G. Joslin, the Boston Tran- V. Kaltenborn, the Brooklyn Eagle. Senator Kean of New Jersey. A. Atwater Kent, Philadelphia, Pa. Prank Kent, the Baltimore Sun. J. Miller Kenyon, Washington. Justice John W. Kephart, Philadel- phia, Pa. Dr. H. H. Kerr, Washington. Dr. William Kerwin, St. Louis, Mo. Keyser, the St. Louis Globe-T emocrat. Dr: Oto C. Kiep, counselor, German Y. John E. King, the Dallas News. A. H. Kirchhoter, the Buffalo Evening [ yin t, Gegen River, Vt. |y Walter J. Kohlef, Governor of Wis= | consi W “York City. Frank H. ' h “New Y¢ Prank J. Hogan, W 5 Dr. J. J. Hogan, Vallejo, Calif,.. erdon 8. . Holden, Cleveland Jersey. in. 2 ' ; the: New. York x f Charles F, Lanman, Washington. Larsen, Governor of New Morgan P, H. B, , Ir., Chevy Chase, Md. Raigh . Lo, s ‘Willmptt: Lewis, the London' Times, Charles P. Light, Washington. G.‘Gould Lincoln; The Evening Star. < E. H. Lindley, chanceHor, University f Kansas. L E. S. Little, New York City.. « Thomas P, Littlepage, Washington. L. Livingston, New York City. George B. Longan, the Kansas City s . Star. / | . Herbert Dean Lounsbury, New York iward G. Lowry, Washington. Representatjve Ludlow of Indiana. Alexis H. G. O. Lundh, counselor, Norwegian legation. Earl M. Mackintosh, Washington. " -Col. Horate A. Mann, Washington. Conrad H.-Mann, Kansas City, Mo. “Dr. Charles 'C. M:rhbur;,ed ‘Washington. Edgar Markbamn, the St. Paul Dis- pateH, % = Arthuf: ‘D, Marks, the: Washington Russell Kent, president National | Post Press, Club. Jobn C.. Martin, the Public Ledger, cx" dge Marfin T. Manton, New York General. AT GRIDIRON DINNER “vFlanig‘an" and “Finnigan” Dialogue Is Feature—Old- Time Bar in Evidence. The law enforcement problem, with its troubles for the drinking classes as well as for the enforcement officers, was handled by the Gridiron Club at its din- ner last night. An old-timé bar, glasses and bottlcs ¢ revealedeto. the dinner miber Of. ‘{hie ‘chuby ap- heared “in. - barfender’s _costumng. - an- ‘'swering to the name of “Mr. 5 . Mr. nfa‘-n: “Gioba awhi#, Jasn. Wi ye jine me in a laW infoeeinint highball—two ‘parts Virginny, butter- |milk, wan part I p'taties af & dash v Californy orange'jiice.” 4 ° Mr. Finoigan: “DR¢ink At' je'érsilt. They're hangln’s min ‘Wpn'y/wimmin f'r bra-ckin’ th’ Jones law #b' besides Il take nothin’ that iswt “tébled. What d'ye think iv th' cabinet?” Mr. Flghigan: “I-dinnaw; I'm’slow comin’ ¥ day-cisions about sthrangers. Il wdit'f'r th’ Sinate invest'gashuns be- fure makin’ up me mind. T bearin's will be goin’ full blast in a few weeks, an’ their lives an wur-rks will be as bare as a poplar tree in a March wind. “No man guilty iv bra-akin fpto th’ cab'net will iscape, an’ man; ‘man guilty iv thryin' ¢ bra-ak it have his name prom'nintly mentfoned. They 1l ask iv. Walter Brown an'.Jim Good are th’ far ra-achin’-iv-purpose, mibérs or ony & noble ixper'mint. ~Theyil*want ' know why th’ Presdint st ¢ th’ Philpeens t’ get Hinnry Stimson into (b’ cab'net an’ tried ¢ sind Bill Don'von v th’ Philpeens t’ ka-ap him eyt. “Cha}'les Frarfcis Adams wil} be*gaked {fore-an” aft ap’ midships. Pat/Hgrrison will- give th' weight iv his“tongue an-account iv his great-great gran'father havin’. been Presdint befure Thomas Jefferson. “ Because they're fr'm Penn- sylvanny, Andy Mellon an’ Jim Davis will be invest'gated sev'rally an’ jintly an’ on gin'ral princ'ples; A State that can have ony wan man in"th’ Sinate is not intitled t* two in th’ cabinet. “Téleg'u be n‘e k!m'esl‘gashuns an’ ye can take ye'er pick. F'r mesilf, I'l go t' th' Gin'ral Mitchell hearin’; not Eh Gin'ral Mitchell ye know, who flew at th’ German gin'ral staff durin’ th® war, an’ at th® Amer'cun gir'ral staff. after «|th* war, but the Gin'ral Mitchell v Minnesoty, 2n’-ol line Dimmy-crat, who |always_voted “th’ stm%‘m teket, ixcipt were iy 't | whin Ray-publicans Pres'dint. ‘He's the new.. Gin'- ral who's taken over th’ job in inforcin’ law inforcemint. z “Befure th' war ye cud get good beer -f'r five cints an’ ‘bad ‘whisky fr tin. Congrissmin rec'nized th™ five an’ tin in th' Jones-Stalker law, but th' lacs at th’ ports didn't rec’nize Congrissmin. Xe can la-ad a dry mimber t' th’ wather’s idge, but_hell not. ye see dhfink. ~ Times- chanige 29" cus- -t him toms “change an’ “eustoms dfficers change their minds. I can ray-mimber whin mimbers were invited t' bra-ak bottles. iv ehampagne whin a transpogrt yas launched. - Now u-:eg'r;’. ordhespd locl bra-ak. “whin, “Gin'ral Mitchell isth’ boss. “There's a job f'r-ye! He won't be invest'gated. Jnstead theyll hold what's called: a Survey t' find out iy he's th' right man fr th' place. The Southern Dimmy-crats will be {'r him in princ'ple an agin him in practice, an’ th' !\‘or&- efn Ray-publicans agin him in princ'gle an {'r him in pol'tics. I can see k Jon th* stand now answerin’ questions an’ outlinin’ his plaps. 'Twill be‘a sigl vgh\;-ons goin’ " ee. 3 ba in all are & d, th' newspa-ger min at their places an’ th’ raddio ap nouncer at th" mike.“in will come th Attorney Gin'raly"With .a drayload 4iv uml np'dclgar;.s n’ suryeyin’ intr'mints carried by dej in charge iv Mabel Wi brana. iz REE 3 “Question be Sintor Wagner: ‘Mr. A‘:.wmey Gin'rdl, I'd like ye t' tell in ye'er own way how ye‘intind inforcin’ law inforc’mint.” “Answer be th' ’Attorney Gin'ral: ‘We'll start with th' ’ circle around both v thim. hypotnuse iv th’ triangle we'll put th’ Survey Commy-tee iv seven. Livellin’ thim be, rules iv zr_}mmn-. we'll have five on_th"‘livil. ‘be applyin’ th' "Lithry Digest poll: we'll get th' names iv all th'bdof th’ number :iv ifacres planted t* corn;<th’ bushels iv rye in Kansas-an' th’ boats comin’ dn 41r'm Scotlan’. ' With ait this an’ more, cross-indexed - an’. cay d we can it & minute’s. notice start inforcin’ lgw dnforc'ming. jv we.can get th' aid iiv support iv th’ th®_.co-oper'tion iv lasses.” 5 he’ll be on th’ stand I'r ey'll havet' hold night ses- sions t' hear’it all. “"Twill be th’ m@st inlightnin’ day-scussion iv modhern times an’ thoses .who' sit through git will be el'gible fr a day-gree dv Docther iv Science at Stanford Umi- vers'ty. I niver thought I'd livest' see th’ dah, but with th’ Survey Commy- tee hard at wurrk an’ Gin'ral Mitchell t’ back thim up, in a few years pathgol wagons will be found ony in th' Smith- sonyan Instoot, an’ alcohol nowhere ixeipt in Imb'ssies an’ th' House Office Buildin".” 1 Mr. Fingigan—“Don’t ve think w iver again have a ra'al dhrink t'gether?’ Mr. Flanigan v coorse we will We'll dress up as a couple iv twins gn’ a social call on th' Simese Min- Pinnigan — “Come _ on. thin, s Far s miteed that it dom't .ujn e 1o ok up.to aick around,. S 3 N . T