Evening Star Newspaper, July 4, 1926, Page 37

8 Ii Hung Chang, the famous Chinese general, once said, “Where there is five, there is smoke—unless it's in a kitcl en stove with a crack in it. And the great truth of this come home to me last annum just at the 4th inst. of July when George, that's my husband, called me up on the telephone from the office and says where he is bringing a friend home not alone to dinner but to spend the holiday and a substantial part of our salary Yes, you are not bringing any friend out to this house, I says, furious, not with the stove leaking and full of car- bon like it is, and my back br ing it. I don’t want any company, no sir, nothing doing. And Geo. but listen a minute, darling, he's in town all alone, you know him, it's Bill Gulch from Arizona, the one I went to different schools with. 1 can’t leave him stay in the city all by himself! And T says well, if it's Bill, all the more reason why I don’t want him. 1 won't have that big slob cluttering up the premises, that's final! And Geo. says hush, hush, now listen, have a heart what you say cantcha? which 1 guessed Bill wa: office, and my voice pret good over the phone, and past it. Rut even when 1 realized this I didn't weaken. Now George Jules, I 5 don't you give me any argument, 1 don’'t want him out here and T won't have him. and that's final. WA 0. says well but 1 have already asked him! And T says well you should have asked me first. Hot Bozo, when we have guests in the house the one suffers. And Geo. savs' well maybe they do, too. And it's just as well that the pain of head and un-ask him, You got yourself into this jam, go on, get out! And Geo. says now Jennie be reasonable, 1 was never so mortl- fied in my life, for the luvva tripe, anybody’d think it wasn't my own house! And I says quite correct, any- hody would think it was a hotel!’ And then T hung up. Well of course T realied where as long as Geo. had actually asked Bill out. why naturally he would bring him, no matter what I satd. My remarks on the phone had merel been the conventlonal witkly ones usual under them circumstances. Of course T fully expected Bill would be right with us, and 1 commenced to act accordingly. But any lady can easily imagine the frame of mind I was in. It was no gilt frame. And to add to my troubles, Junior hadder commence putting up a unreasonable kick to_me. Aw, Ma! he says, rushing in from the villiage where he had been with a coupla_dollars and permission to stock up on material for burnt fingers, scorched eyebrows and etc. Aw, Ma he hollered, T told vou that vou give me the money too late, Ma, there ain't nearly enough fireworks left. They are all sold out. I told you vesterday. Ma, and vou wouldn't give me the money and now I can’t get nearly enough, Aw-wa' But I didn’t have no time to Lother with any more of the men of my fam- fly just then. If I was gonner have the ‘house at all decent for company over the holiday. T had no time to fuss with Junior and his kid worries. So all I says is hush up. dear, run along now and play. Don’t bother mommer, she is busy. * ok ok H WHLI.. the stove was leaking like | 1 said. and naturally when I called up the plumber to fix it, why he says yves, certainly, I'll be rignt up | the very minute I get back from my trip. T'll be there first thing v in the morning a week from next Thursday; that is, it 1 get back in time. So I says fine, and called up the garage, on account 1 thought maybe 1 could get a little help there. But the garage fellers says awful sorry lady, but the wrecking machine is out just now. I'll send up help, however, Just as soon as it comes back. So I says thanks a lot, and hung up Then 1 thought to myself who else knows how to stop a stove from smoking, and I thought of Mrs. Goof- nah e stops that husband of hers from it, and heavens knows he is a terrible smoker. o 1 called her up and asked could she suggest anythine and she savs well, d all you can do is absolutely forbid it, and then stick to what vou have said. My dear, T can assure vou that if you | Gulch's own home never did, so that !dime for fresh artificial THE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTON, “AND 1 YS, WELL YOU STICK AROUND, BABY.” Well, with a cake, a coupla ples and so forth to bake I felt where I wasn't gonner have time to use her| so I merely says thank you so much, dear, I niy take your hint. Then I hung up and went on out in the kitchen and stuffed up the cracks in the stove as good as I could with dough. Then I mixed up some more to put ing the recipe pretty that Junior was hanging around my apron all the time, ng over not having enough fireworks. Then, when I had the food going strong, I called lup the baker and ordered just the same as I had in the oven, In case, if you get me. * ok ko ATURALLY T hadn't expected to clean the house up until after Geo. had got through messing it on his day at home. But in view of his bringing out company, why I realiz where there was no sense In me wait- ing for his cigar ashes, newspapers, and etc., to make one job of it. T had to have the place looking like Bill when he went on back he would be in u position to say to his wife, my dear, you had ought to see the way the George Jules live: That woman is a wonder. Her house is so clean you could eat off the floor, but vou don't hafto on account she sets the most perfect table. Why can't we live like that, what is the matter with you any- see why I can't have as That wife of th this in mind T cleaned up ‘e room, even going so far as nd Junior down to the five and flowers for T washed all the win- rubbed the ice box out, waxed | and then I decided the din- | curtains which I had in- some time, might | better be done now, when somebody | was gonner see theri, so I dipped them a nice lettuce green, on account I like my family to have plenty of green stuff with their meals. Then I waxed the parlor floor, washed the paint in the front hall, and hung out the flag over the front porch, which of course Geo's regular job. but 1 wanted everything to be complete when he and his friend | s Mr. G ch would sa nderful Geo. She thinks of ever. thing, don’t she? And all this while | Junior following me around s ing as regular as a phonograph | record, Aw, Ma, you spoiled my Fourth of July. You didn’t give me the money on time, now 1 ain’t gonner have enough fireworks. By this time I had heard him s room tended dyeing for keep up that policy long enough vou'll find that vou'll win out in the end. The Autobiogfaphy of a Wonder Man Begins O the editor: By the empl ment of methods amounting almost to the so-called third degree, the of the newspaper who T am under contract finally got me to write my autobiography. a task which T shrink from it like Pola from o camera, yet which the doing of which I feel 1 owe it to my public. This then Is the first instaliment, but will precede same with a brief acet. of the comical scene in the syn- dicate offices which culminated in me undertaking to do the work under cer tain conditions. In the first place I was decoyed into the offices by a letter from the boss saying they was a package waiting there for me from a admire in Yuma that looked like salt water taffy. This was i hoax and T hadn't no_sooner than entered the door when I was bached in the stomach by some blunt instrument. probably a wardrobe trunk. When Y regained conscious I was laying on my back in the gun room while the head of a midiron had been shoved into my mouth with the heel resting vs. the roof of same and the toe on the tongue, and the manager had began to pull my_ teeth with some blunt instrument. When this had got past the amusing stage I told them T would do what they wanted pro- vided the work was not published prior my death. That suits us,” sald the boss, “if romise to die by the Fourth The others took up the refrain: “If vou'll promise to die By the Fourth of July.” Agreements were then signed and I hurried home to exhume dlaries and notes containing the material neces- sary for a accurate autobiography and will now begin writing it with de termination to stick to facts and to not let the truth be interfered with by a personal modesty never excelled and perhaps only equaled in this gen- eration by well, maybe Oscar Wilde and Belasco. CHAPTER 1 THE BIRTH OF A WONDER MAN. E first week in March, 1885, was { a gala week throughout the civ- lized world, the United States In gen- eral and the latter’s great middle west in particular. In this one week there was an unfounded rumor of a royal bethrothal between Queen Vic- toria and King Gillette; a young Washington dentist, Dr. Ghoul, watched a mixed fivesome tee off at Chevy Chase and predicted thot four of the weuld have pyorrhes; the it so often that I was taking it like a mere automat and would reply yes | tions. ves, dear, that'll be all right, you won't he disappointed, just take this rug out now and shake it for mom- mer, here, get the silver polish offen the ‘pantry shelf, we got to get the forks and knives brightened up a little, because we got company com- ing. Now run out in the yard and get some more flowers, mommer wants to fill all the vases. We got to get the house looking as if we always lived that way, dear, hurry now! * ok ok ok ‘ TELL, about 3 o'clock that aft- ernoon the telephone wrurg, and who would it be only that Mabel Bush, the one that is married to Joe Bush of the Hawthorne Club, and she says sello, dear, how are you, I do hope vou ain’t busy this afternoon? And 1 says, my dear, I am as busy as any- George is bringing out a friend over the Fourth and in order he should still be a friend when he leaves, why I am getting the house in order. Why? And she says oh my dear, I am so sorry, on account I got a coupla mati- nee tickets. I thought maybe I and you could run in and see the show. It's one of them bathtub plays. I am sure it's perfectly terrible. I do wisht we could go together, I know we would be absolutely horrified, but I think it is really our duty to know what kind " of things the theatrical managers is putting over on we poor innocent public. It is up to us ladies to stop that sort of thing, but we ought really to see it first so's we will realize what we are stopping, and any- vs I have the tickets free. Naturally when I heard that I felt terrible disappointed, on account I always want to do my duty in such matters by reason of my being vice chairman of our Ladies Thursday Club and never shirking such investiga- But this was one time when I hadder excuse myself. Well, dear, I says, I would simply love to go with you, but the attic is still dirty and our’cellar ain’t all that it should be, and you know how it is, this friend which Geo. is bringing home is a mar- ried man and I want everything should be perfect when he gets here! And she says so sorry, dear, but of course you are right. I know just how vow feel, and if you really need to choke that man, just call on me for help, remember I have been it you ask nocent party like that to visit, but let some bum blow into their office and they forget all about their Kick on last month’s grocery bill and reach for the telephone to break the mews. Well, I am sorry you can't go to the how and I hope you live through the ompany. Then Mabel Bush hung up, and I went on back to my job of get- By Ring “I HADN'T NO SOONER THAN B Lardner ENTERED THE DOOR WHEN I WAS BASHED IN THE STOMACH BY SOME BLUNT INSTRUMENT.” ting the house looking like nobody’s business for Geo.'s friend that was coming out. I even went so far as to polish the doorknobs and had Junior rake up the front path, which he done to the tune of, Aw, Ma, I ain’t gonner have enough fireworks, Ma! But he done a neat job, just the same. Also, of course, 1 had to do my marketing for the week end all over on account naturally hamburger and onlons would never do for a stranger in our midst. * ok ok ¥ WANTED to be in a position to say, so sorry, Mr. Gulch, that we got mnothing today but fried spring chicken and hot biscuits and waffles and new asparagus, but you must please excuse our humble fare, you know I wasn't expecting company and ‘all T had made up for the fam- ily was this and a little home.made ice cream and cake, and the next time bu come I hope you will give us a ittle warning so's 1 can have some- thing decent for you, but anyways it was awful ,nice of you to come on out in this informal way_with Geo. I do hope you will do it ofen! I fortunately got my order in before the store closed, and in spite of Junior holding on to me and hollering about, Aw, Ma, ask him has he got any fire- works, I ain't got near enough! The grocer even got the stuff sent out in time for me to not alone have a perfect dinner cooked before the 5:15 was due, but after which I curled my hair, cleaned up my face, and was downstairs and waiting all set like the hostess in the etiquette book. All of a sudden what should ring again only the telephone and it was a call from town with Geo. on the wire, and he says well, Jennie, you certainly put me in a terrible em- barrassing position this morning. There was poor Bill right in the office, and I bet he heard every word vou said on the phone. Of course I stalled him off on a excuse about our having a date I had forgot about and all that, but really I feel terriple about it, we been talking until ndv and I missed the.usual train, but I am speaking from the depot and I'll catch the next one and be right home, but you needn’t worry about any company over the Fourth. I hope that satisfles you, although I wonder what and the dickens we have a house for when I can’t ask a friend out when I like: And then he hung up, and I, after all my efforts, had the house arranged lovely for nobody but the family. Then to make matters more so, there was Junior pulling at my skirts. Aw, Ma, he says, did vou tell Pop about the fireworks, you know I ain’t gonner have near enough fireworks! And T says, well, just you stick around, baby, there will be plenty of fireworks the minute papa gets home! (Copyright. 1926.) with steamship tickets, issue trav- elers’ checks, letters of credit and baggage insurance, etc.” * ok Xk X ND one from a hotel tralning school in Washington, saying: “There is a nation-wide demand for trained men and women fn ho- tels, clubs, restaurants, cafeterias Also came a request fromt Eward Bok for the baby's autograph and a letter from Ray Long, asking for first chance at any short stories the newcomer might write. Excitement ran high and even to this day the D. C, The Perfect Fo EAR MR. WYNN: Can you give me an explanation of why they call a spinster an old mald? Truly yours, I. M. WONN. Answer: There is very little to ex- plain It simply means that the woman has been made a long time. Dear Mr. Wynn: A friend of mine Just falled in business. I went to his house to express my sympathy, Dur- ing our conversation he said he was arranging matters so his creditors wouldn’t bother him. Do you think he means he is going to get out of debt? Yours truly, LALLY POPP. Answer: No; he means he is going to get out of town. Dear Mr. Wynn: I know a man living right here in New York who is a milllonaire, yet he has been wearing the same suit for the past 7 years and looks as if he was broke. I once asked him why he, with all his money, didn't buy a new suit and he said everybody in New York knew he could afford a new suit and as long as everybody knew him he couldn’t seo what difference it made. Last month a friend of mine saw him in Philadelphia (where he doesn't know o soul) and he had on the same suit. How do you figure that out? Sin. cerely, 1ZZIE X. ENTRIC. Answer: He said everybody knows him in New York and they know he can afford better clothes, 5o it doesn’t make any difference how he dresses. He probably figures that when he is in Philadelphia he can dress the same way because nobody knows him. So it doesn’t make any difference how he dresses. Dear Mr. Wynn: I am a boy 11 years old and in the sixth grade in public school. I have to write a story about the most unusual animal in the world. Please tell me what it is and JULY 4, 1926—PART . why, will you? Yours truly . I. HATEORITE. Answer: The most unusual animal in the whole world is “a man,” be- cause a man is the only animal that can be “skinned” more than once. Dear Mr. Wynn: How can people tell when a bank has “busted”? Sincerely, 1. 0. PLENTY. Answer: They generally can tell when they hear the i‘report.” Dear Mr. Wynn: I am not one of those persons who belleve every- thing told them. For that reason I am writing to you to find out if what I heard last night is true. I heard HIS season of patriotic holi- days, in which my friend Spugg Is always to be seen as an earnest member of commit- tees on arrangements, never fails to bring to my mind the day 1 heard him saying that he intended to send his chauffeur to the war. It was said quite quietly—no bom- bast or boasting about it. Mr. Spugg was standing among a little group of listening members of the club and when he sald that he had decided to send his chauffeur, he spoke with a kind of simple earnestness, & determi- nation that marks the character of the man. “Yes,” he sald, “we need all the man power we can command. This thing has come to a showdown and we've got to recognize it. 1 told Henry that it's a showdown and that he’s to get ready and start right away.” Spugg,” sald one of the members, “you're certainly setting us a fine example. “What else can a man do?" Mr. Spugg. sald * x % - [0 'HEN does your chauffeur leave?” asked another man. Right away. I want him in the firing line just as quick as I can get him there.” “It's a fine thing you're doing, Spugg,” said a third member, “but do you realize that your chauffeur may be killed?” “I must take my chance on that,” answered Mr. Spugg, firmly. “I've thought this thing out and made up my mind: If my chauffeur is killed T mean to pay for him—full and ade- quate compensation. The loss must fall on me, not on him. Or, say Henry comes back mutilated—say he loses a leg—say he loses two legs—"" Here Mr. Spugg looked about him at his listeners, with a look that meant that even three legs wouldn't be too much for him. “Whatever Henry loses, I pay for. Tlh: loss shall fall on me, every cent of it.” “Spugg,” sald a_quletlooking neat- ly dressed man whom I knew to be the president of an insurance com- pany and who reached out and shook the speaker by the hand, “this is a fine thing you're doing, a big thing. But we mustn’t let you do it alone. Let our company take a hand in it. We're making a special rate now on chauffeurs, footmen, and house serv- ants sent to the war, quite below the rate that actuarial figures justify. “It is our little war contribution,” he added modestly. ‘“We like to feel that we're doing our bit, too. We had a chauffeur killed last week. We paid for him right off without de- mur—walved all questions of who killed him. I never signed a check (as I took occasion to say in a little note I wrote to his people) with greater pleasure.” “What do you do if Henry’s muti- lated?” asked Mr. Spugg, turning his quiet eyes on the insurance man and facing the brutal facts of things without flinching, “What do you pay? Suppose I lose the use of Henry's legs, what then?” “It's all right,” said his friend, “Leave it to us. Whatever he loses, “A BATH TUB WAS SET IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM AND LITTLE RING AU NATUREL gg{S.'BATHED IN PURE ALCO- Lardners of Niles, Mich., announced the birth of a fourteen-pound man child, and almost on the same date twenty-nine years later, or maybe it was - 28th. of June, - the Archduke Ferdinand was shot down at Serajevo. These events occurred before there were telephones or telegraphs and_the news of the Lardner's boy’s birth had to be flashed to the world by runners. Sparing no expense, the parents hired Paavo Nurmi to notify distant relatives and engaged Charlie Paddock for the sprints. In less than two weeks the Niles post office be- gan to be flooded wijh letters of all kinds, most of them belng circulars from strangers advocating the intal- lation of an oil heater. “They pay for themselves in what you save on coal,” was the general gist. But there were also more personal letters of which I will take the liberty of printing one from Clarence Mackay: “Don’t write. Telegraph! Flowers telegraphed to all parts of the world.” And one from a travel service com- pany: “I understand that your little boy is contemplating a trip to Egypt and 1 am writing to ask if you will not help me to secure his booking and plan an independent trip for him, If that is what he wants. 1 supply you first week in March is set aside in Niles as' “Have a Baby Week.” As a result of careful living and a strict adherence to the doctors’ or- ders, the child was able to take his first meal at table early in June. Both the haute—and demimonde of Niles were asked in and when the dishes had been cleared away, a bath tub was set in the middle of the room and little Ring, au naturel, was bathed in pute alcohol, the guests afterward dipping pipes into the tub and blowing soap bubbles. This was In the days before they had horses un&'fi;uu\s and when you . we make it good.” s “All righ sald Spugg, “send me round a policy. I'm going to see Henry clear through on this. “After All, It's War.” It was at this point that at my own urgent request I was introduced to Mr. Spugg, so that I might add my congratulations to those of the others. I told him that I felt, as all the other members of the club did, that he was doing a big thing, and he answered again, in his modest way, that he didn’t see what else a man could do. ' “My son Alfred and L” he said, “talked it over last night and we agreed that we can run the car our- selves, or make a‘shot at it anyway. After all, it's war time.” “What branch of the service are you putting your chauffeur in?” I asked. “I'm not ‘sure,” he answered. “I think I'll send him up in the air. It's dangerous, of course,_but it's no time to_think about that.” So, in due time, Mr. Spugg’s chauffeur, Henry, went overseas. He wanted to go from one town to an- other, you had to take a train. (The next installment of this won- der work will appear next week.) (Capyright. 1936.) {as I happened By Ed Wynn 5 ol Answers a Few Hard Ones l “NOBODY KNOWS HIM IN PHILADELAHIA.” that the richest people in New York neglect their children. Tell me, is this true? Yours ly, ANN ARKIST. Answer: What you heard is silly. Rich people do not neglect their chil- dren. They engage nurses to do that Dear Mr. Wynn: d Yesterday - a triend of mine “Did_you hear about the fivver?” I sald “No.” He said: “It's the tin you love to touch.” Please tell me is that the last flivver joke? Truly yours, JOE KINC Answer: I hope so. clothing store and Dear Mr. Wynn: I am opening a ve been advised insurance. Whet orth of stock and say I took 000 worth of insurance on Monday and had a fire on Tuesday. what would I get? Yours truly POLLA C. HOLDER. You'd get 10 years in jail Answer: Dear Mr. Wynn: natural history lesson. terday, During our our teacher said that abour By Stéphen Leacock. [ 4}‘ g @ N 2 AL M, HENRY'S BEEN GASSED—OUR FIRST DUTY IS TO KEEP UP OUR MAN POWER AT THE FRONT—YO LEAVE TONIGHT. ” J MUST was reported first as in England. ext he was right at the front, at the very firing itself. We knew then —everybody in the club knew — that Mr. Spugg’'s chauffeur might be killed at any moment. But great as the strain must have been, Spugg ‘went up and down to his office and in and out of the club without a tremor. The situation gave him a new im- portance in our eves, something tense. “This seems to be a terrific busi- nest 1 said to him one lunch, “this new German drive.” chauffeur,” said Mr. vas right in the middle of it.” ie was, eh Yes,” he continued, ‘“one shell burst in the air so near him it al- most broke his wings. Mr. Spugg told this with no false boasting or bravado, eating his celery as he spoke of {t. Here was a man who had nearly had his chauffeur's wings blown off and vet he never moved a muscle, I began to realize the kind of resolute stuff that the man was made of. A few days later bad news came to the club. “Have you heard the bad mnews about Spugg?’ some one asked. 0, what?" ‘His chauffeur's gheen gassed.” “How is he taking it?" “Fine. He's sending off his gar- dener to take the chauffeur’s place? So that was Mr. Spugg's answer to_the Germans. y\'y lunched together that day. Yes,” he said, “Henry's gassed. How it happened I don't know. He must have come down out of the air. I told him I wanted him in the air. But let it pass. It's done now.” “And you're sending your gar- den;r?" “I am,” sald Spugg. He's gone already. I called him in ,Irnmgthe garden yesterday. I said, ‘William, Henry’s been gassed. Our first duty is to keep up our man-power at the (ron‘(‘.h ¥Ou must leave tonight.'" “What are you puttin, Wi into? T asked. P g Willlam “Infantry. He'll do best in the trenches—digs well and is a very fair shot. Anyway, I want him to see all the fighting that's going. If the Ger- mans want give and take in this busi- ness, they can have it. They'll soon see who can stand it best. I told Wil- llam when he left. I said, ‘William, we've got to show these fellows that, man for man, we're a match for them.” That’s the way I look at it, man for man.” I watched Mr. Spugg’s massive face as he went on with his meal. Not a nerve of it moved. If he felt any fear, at least he showed no trace of it. * %k % Amn that I got war news from him at intervals in little scraps to meet him. “The war looksgbad,” T sald to him one day as T chan{pd upon him getting into his Spugg | e graphed him to stick it out.” motor. “This submarine business is pretty serfous “It 15, he pedoed yesterday. Then he got into his car and drove away as quietly as if nothing had happened. A little later that da talking about it in the club. he was saying, “a submarine. It t pedoed William—my gardener. 1have both chauffeur and a gardener at the war. William was picked up on a raft. He's in pretty bad shape. My on, Alfred, had a cable from him that he's coming home. We've hoth tele- ald. “William was tor- v T heard him “Ye: The news was the chief topic in the club that day. “Spugg’s gardener has been torpedoed.” they said, *but Spugg refuses to have him quit and come home.” “Well done, Spugg.” said everybody. After that we had news from time to time ‘about both Willlam and Henry. “Henry’s out of the, hospital,” sald Spugg. I hope to have him back in France in a few days. Willlam's in bad shape still. I had a London sur- geon go and look at him. I told him not to mind the expense, but to get Willlam fixed up right away. It seems that one arm is more or less paralyzed. I've wired back to him not to hesitate. They say William's blood is still too thin for the operation. abled them to take some of Henry's. I hate to do it, but this is no time to stick at anything.” A little later William and_Henry were reported both back in France. This was at the very moment of the great offensive. But Spugg went about his daily business unmoved. Then came the worst news of all. and Henry,” he said to me, “are both missing. I don’t know where the devil “Both of them. caught them both. The Germans have 1 suppose I shan’t have either of them back now till the | war 1s all over.” He gave a slight sigh, the only sign of complaint that ever I had heard come from him. * Xk k¥ BUT the next day we learned what %vas Spugg's answer to the Ger- man’s capture of Willam and Henry. “Have you heard what Spugg is doing?” the membdrs of the club asked one another. “What?” “He's sending over Meadows, his own man!” ‘There was no need to comment on it. The cool courage of the thing spoke for itself. Meadows—Spugg’s own man—his house valet, without whom he never traveled 20 miles! “What elese was there to do?” sald Mr. Spugg when .I asked him if it was true that Meadows was going. “I take no credit for sending Mea- dows, mnor, for the matter of thag, for anything that Meadows may in school ves | William { 8,000 elephants go every year to make white keys for pianos. If this is true, what do vou think of 1 Sincerely, E. KLIPSE. Answer: T think it shows how f. we have advanced in training anims Dear pression * fact that on most Did come an's of truly Answer next week | (Copyright, 1 - The Patriotic Sacrifices of Mr. Spugg | tver theye | of dut, the da dinner. [.md Willlams ar wer at the | kept up. Th | ourselves and you. out of it. You'l' 2y Mexn I S : I had } nd h You'll be st do | We've talked | will help me « {him. We can n %0 Meadows w After this dressed as best he could r 4 taking turf with his s his own moter, was uncom plaining object Meadows meantime as with the heavy well. “I hope Meadows,” Spug: it does we're over and we've both dec impossible to get away from the of- fice. We're busier than we've been in 10 years and can't get off for a day. We may try to take a month off for the Adirondacks a little later, but as for Europe, it's out of the question.” we My . no dov | | was reported artillery, doing nothin, ippens kept ving. 1t We've talked it ed that fts e ME,\NTI)IF one little bi lation came to help Mr. Spugg to bear the burden of the war. I found him in the lounge room of the club one afternoon amon roup of men, exhibiting two medals that were be- ing passed from hand to hand. Sent to me by the French gove ernment,” he explained proudly. “They're for William and Henry, The motto means, ‘For Conspicuous Cour- age'" (Mr. Spugg drew himself up | with legitimate pride). “I shall keep one and let Alfred keep the other till they come back om that day on. Mr. Spugg with his French medal on his watch chain, was the most conspicuous figure in the club. He was pointed out as having done more than any other one man in the institution to keep the flag fiying. But presently the limit of Mr. Spugg’s efforts and sacrifices was reached. FEven patriotism such as his must have some bounds. On entering the club one after- noon 1 could hear his voice hawling vociferously in one of the telephona cabinets in the hall. “Hello, Wash ington,” he w shouting. that Washington? Long Distance, T want ‘Washington." Fifteen minutes later he come up to the sitting room, still flushed with indignation and excitement. “That's the limit,” he sald, absolute Mmit!" “What's the matter?” T asked. “They drafted my son Alfred.” he answered. “Just imagine it! \When we're 80 busy in the office that we're | getting down there at half-past eight iin the morning! Drafted Alfred! Great Caesar,’ 1 said to them! ‘Look here! You've had my chauffeur and he's gassed, and you've had my gar- dener and he's torpedoed and they're both prisoners, and last month T sent you my own man! That,' I said, ‘is about the limit"."” “What did they say,’ T asked. “Oh, it's all right. They've fixed it all up and the local draft board apologized as well. Alfred won't go, of course, but it makes one realize that you can-carry a thing too far, ‘Why, they'd be Ing me next!* “Oh, surely not!” I said. of conso- “the “Importing” Plants. . ‘HE Leningrad Institute of Applied Botany is organizing a series of expeditions to tropical countries for the purpose of importing the seeds of cereal plants which do not exist in United States of Soviet Russia, but can be successfully cultfvated. Prof. Burasov s at present studying the cultures of potatoes, tomatoes, maize, sunflower, etc., in the western Andes of South America. Prof. Voronov is at work in the Brazilian mountain: studying the types of rubber trees thg) can stand severe climate. Use of Electricity. ], 64 cities and towns of this couns try every house has electric light, Salt Lake City, Utah, is the largest city reporting its homes to be 100 cent electrified.