Evening Star Newspaper, March 7, 1926, Page 81

THE SUNDAY STAR. WASHINGTON, D. 0, MARCH T, 1926--PART 5. Beating the Clock, Intelligence in Card Games and Study of Art Art Committee From the Popular Club Gets Real Atmosphere From Ancients BY NINA WILCOX PUTNAM. S Apollo Bell V. Dere. the noted sculptor. once said, “Some are born artistic. some acquire art and some have art thrust upon them hut refuse to accept delivery.” And how frue that is was bored into my very soul not long ago when The Hawthorne Club House committee de- cided to re.decorate and furnish the club lounge, and appoinied George, that's my hushand, and that Joe Bush, as the Art Committes to do so. It seems where they had got appointed | the same meeting, but still was friends, and George let the news drop gently ‘as a homb from a aeroplane and with all the modesty of a circus billhoard poster. Well, Jennie, he come home from the meeting. whatter you think of rour husband now? And I says don’t ask me, dear, 1 dont wanner start anything this time of night. And he says huh, well 1 am chairman of the Art Committee all right, stick to the chair Joe Bush redecorate the lounge, for heavens knows the only kind of in terior decoration vou understand comes off a hot stove or a cold buffet. And George says for the luvva tripe. 1 guess I know as much about reno. vating that club house as Joe Bush does, and anywavs, he ecan't order nothing without my 0. K.. so lay off that humorous stuff, 1 want to get some sleep. Well. it wasn't until the next day, when George had toiled towards the marts, or marted towards the toil, or whatever the famous quotation i that 1 discovered how serfous it was allowing them two dumbbells to spend money on the inside of a clil house, outside of signing a few legitimate checks for ginger ale and etc. On account when I went downtown to try and match a sample of salt pork for lunch, and to get a few cans of drled soup, I at (he same time dropped into the Emporium to price French lingerie, buy some American ditto, and there in the Furniture Sec- tion, who would I see only that Jo Rush of the Hawthorne Club, and he wat picking out the new stuff for the interior desecration programme he and George had scheduled Hey, Mre. Jules, he savs the minute he seen me, come and see what | been selecting. 'So I saye why sure. Joe. Then having attended (o the Charge of The Light Balbriggan, 1 went on over and joined Joe, and seen what he had picked out * ook ox WHELL. naturally, no woman, es pecially if married herself, really expects a man, when a husband. to have any taste in furnishings, but the choice Joe had made was any- thing but cholce, it was terrible. To commenca with, he had selected a bunch of overstuffed chairs which certainly needed to go on a diet to get graceful lines. He seemed to of | forgot entirely that comfort and art don’'t go hand in hand. They go fist to fist. As for the lamps he selected, well they were heavy, Winter welght near-bronze, all of the same design namely, mermaids, each holding her hands above her head in a “don't shoot gesture.” and weli she might. | She was holding the light, see, and a shade made up in a hronze pattern of holled lobsters, crab cocktails, and nther fishy details, such as that, ap- at he says to me when Iv. Which was true, 1 couldn't, not | and remain friends. Talk about bad taste! Why his tasie was a combi- nation of garlic and ice cream Well, anyways, when 1 got home that night 1 took George's art educa- tion in hand, and I =ays to him. now see here, dear, I savs, that Joe Bush of the Iawthorne Club showed me today what his ideas of artistic fur- | nishings for the lounge is, and they | are something awful. now I want you to realize how bad they are, and for that purpose I want vou and Junior to accompany me on a tower of the | Art Museum tomorrew, which 1= the free admission day there, 80's to pol- ish up vour artistic sense a little he- fore you choose or O. K. any interior decorations. Anyways, it iz our the child there and show world famous art works, and we| might as weli kill hoth you birds with the same stone carvings, ete And George seen there was no es- cape. so he says all right, all right, 1 suppose you don’t need any art edu- cation your own self? And I says, certainly noi. I took a correspondence | course n china painting when a girl I guess 1 know all about art. 1 know what 1 like, anyways, but T will go along to see you do it thorough. * kK ok JELL, the next day I got the two of them slicked up. 1 we fliv | vered into town and it sure was cold. but I was well repaid for my trouble on account the very minute we stepped inside the Art Museum door, eo. expressed himself satisfactorily. For the luvva tripe! he says. ain't it nice in here? And I savs ves, dear. whatter you like best about this mag nificent, artistic entrance? And Geo says the steam heat | pliqued on vellow and green glass. | Well, T hadn't never been in this| It was the kind of lamp that keeps | particular museum my own self, so people from getting married on ac-| I didn't know how particular they | count they are afraid of geiting one| was until they told us we would | for a wedding present. Lamps lika| haf to park our umbrellas, cameras, that don't give out no light, and eic., for fear some of the art objects why Joe Bush should of ordered a|inside might make us so mad we dozen of them was for no reason that | might try and smash ‘em. And it I could see, unless for use In argu-| wasn't until we had made the rounds ments among cluh members. that this great truth dawned on me, But. naturally, [ couldn’t tell Joe|at that, and I then realized how sen- exactly what I thought when he says| sible art keepers tw. But before | well, whatter vou think of ‘em. Mrs.|we started out. George hought us a Jules? So I merely says, why word catalogue so's we could find out what tall me. Joe. I think vour taste is| it was we was looking at. and hot extraordinary, I can't tell you, real- | hozo! they charged us 50 cents for it duty to take him them “HERE., OF ALL PLACES. | HADDER COME TO I don’t mean they charged it. 1 mean they made us pay cash. lelleve vou me, after that 1 was determined where we wouldn't miss a single object in the whole entire building: we was going to see at least 50 cents’ worth. And so we commenced with the statuary, that being the worst part. so's to get it done and over with it. Well, right in the middle of the Statuary Hall was a big figure of a lady with wings and her dress blowing like it was with the wind. But too bad, statie has got busted, arms and one foot was gone. I guess they must of done it moving her in You know what these moving men are. and she must of heen terribie hard to handle on account she wasi't much smaller than the average two- car garage. Say. George name of t what's the one. eh? And George looked up No. 6114291-A and eays it's called “Winged Victory.” And I says, well, it looks more like a com- plete defeat to me. Then we went an to a statue called “Mercury.” 1t was a hoy. running with a staff in his hand with a snake on it, but he had on the cutest hat It was sort of a cloche, very small and close fitting and trimmed with a pair of wings, in the dearest way And I says to George, see now, dear, what a lot of good ideas a person can get from going to a art museum? Here of all places I hadder come to get the very model I want for my Easter hat! I says, * ok ok x TTHAT was about all we seen of any eal interest among the statues, and so we went along on to the paint- ings. But while some of them was veal interesting. 1 felt where it wa our duty to look longer at the one: we didn’t like. as they was undoub edly more educational, especlally dark gloomy one of a old man. all alone. ¢ looked this number up in the 30c book and here the printing “Portrait of Rembrandt by him- Of all the foolish remarks, when anybody could see there was nobody with him! And to think we paid money for that catalogue, too! Of course all three of us could endured the pictures hegt of any part of the show, but time was growing kinda short, and so [ wouldn't leave my two big hoys stay in them gal- of GET THE VERY MODEL I WANT FOR MY EASTER this | the head and | | a HAT.” | leries all the whole afternoon. So we | went and had a look at the gallery | that was called “Armor.” Well, this room showed the early | history’ of the Chicago meat packing concerns. It seems, from what we | seen in this gallery. that originally | these companies packed humans in- stead of hogs, ete. On account there ainly a lot of tin-ware in | that place. Tn fact the room was all lined up with suits of iron. tin, etc. left over from the old, early days when the companies canned men right and left, if you get what I mean. I had | never realized before how they start- | ed. and it certainly was real interest | ng t However, the most interesting of l'all was the Egzyptian Room, on ac- count in it we seen the most artistic things, including the Queen of Sheba's false teeth and the mummy of King | Tut's mother-inlaw. This last was | anl done up in surzical handages. { from head 1o foot. 1 guess likely the | poor 0ld lady had sprained consider- | able more then her disposition. living with them, by the looks of her. Also this room had a statue of the cow that jumped oter the moon in it, and the moon was caught bhetween its horns. Alfo, there was plenty of caskets in there. both plain and fancy 1t sure was a cheerful little dump, and it glve me the heebie-zeebies to the extent I was willing to let Geo. off of the rest of his arieducation for one day. So we went on home again, with flat feet and arched eyebrows, well satisfled, especially at getting home. Next day Geo. was to meet Joe Rush for lunch at the Hawthorne Club and go on to pick out them furnish- ings, and so. knowing this, I thought to myself, well now, Geo. will tell Joe just where he gets off. Geo. is In a po. [ sition to choose far more tastefully. 1 | am just crazy to know the result And crazy was certainly correct, {as I found out when Geo. come home that night. Well dear, he says. 1 miss ed Joe at luncheon time so I dropped | SPeaking |down to the Emporium by mysel And 1 picked out some dandy over stuffed chairs, and a bunch of awful artistic near-bronze lamps with a mer | maid and fishchowder design on them, !and 1 know you will be pleased dear, on account I met Joe afterwards and he told me you had seen them and #ald they were too wonderful for words, (Copsright. 1926.) Brains as Adjuncts of Bridge Playing, As Well as Poker and Other Diversions BY SAM HELLMAN. in getting a bunch of aces. kings and | WISH you'd learn to play bridge,” remarks the misses What for?” 1 demands. “So we could go calling on some nice people once in comes hack the frau deck’s honest?" “You got to have the cards in any game. don’t you?" returns the frau. ‘How many different and assorted kind of brains does it take to play | poker? If you get three aces dealt to | “Yeh," 1 sneers, "I suppose NOU .oy voy heat a man with two queens, | can't call on nice people nowadays [ gon'e" vous [ nnless you got a deck of cards in one | "G the kind of poker we pla hand and a carafe of in in the other. ¢ ojyh," [ assures her. “I've seen a Anyway, bridge is the hunk | pair of deuces win a hundred-dollar | “What do you know about it pot from a pat straight, three jacks Kate ek b amess 1AM two big pair. | e R o ain't] “How wes (iat? agke gcate. telle her, “to find out thai it ain't Elow v thate LN ot ] nothing but & crose between & fAMEY | were plaving teble stakea and the man | T et e i "wie minee | With the two deuces stood pat and bet | that game they had over at the Mur ‘f;:"““f‘:“;i (L‘Qi?k.n’r‘i‘e_ DU BRI s A Eamne That's luek.” sniffs the frau. comes back the mi “1|“Where do the brains come in?" | don’t blame Molly ¢ “They come in plenty,” 1 returns. Bl #or @ month “The bird with the pair of ducks Had | MR i also wiien to fizure that he was sitting in the Bill seems to have | right place, and also he had to dope Sits hould be able {out how the guy with the straight the card | would act against a bik bet. That's | “I don't know about her talking | What they call physiology | spots on the cards,” T remarks, “but “Just the same.” remarks the wife, | “there is one good reason why it can't she can certainly talk spats into them t I've never seen those folks in a game Lly take brains to play poker.” | What's that?" T bites. | that didn't finish up with her throw- ing mud at his relations and him g e exclaims, "lhnl_ you heaving rocks up her family tree. He |can play il nd win pretty often. told me at lunch today he was going “Listen.” says I. “Did it ever occur to quit playing bridge with the wife.” [to you that some of the stupidest | Getting tired of heing a rowdy, is | women in the world are the best inquires the frau bridge players? Take Mollie Swiffle, | No.” 1 returns. getling tired of forking up for perfumg. He tells me it sets him back 10 bucke for a hottle after every bridge game. What is there about this indoor sport that causes folke that are K. O. with each | other otherwise to claw at each other's throats? 1've seen a lot of couples playing poker and spit-in-the-ocean and other spiffy games like that and still be on speaking terms at the end | of the evening. Why “Rridge,” cuts in the misses, game of pariners, and that's the trouble comes in. In poker vou | lose your own money and any bull you | make comes out of your own pocket. | 1n bridge vour partner can ruin you just by forgetting that the three of clubs hasn't been played vet.” Yeh,” says I, “and still you want me to learn a game that will make trouble between us | “You got to take that chance,” | comes back Kate. “All the swell peo- ple play the game nowadays, and if you don't you got as much social | standing as an Alabama cotton picker at a Ku Klux house warming. I'm going to teach you the game." | “No, you're not,” I growls. “I'm | willing 1o keep my social standing in | my wife's name. Besides, 1 like games | that take a little brains to play.” | “Don’t you think bridge braina?” asks the misses Not from what I've seen of it." tella her. “If you get the papers dealt te yvou, you win. If vou don't get ‘em you dig. Where's the skill come while * sniffs row in a es. indignant, for not talking He velps when she <he doesn’t bid the idea that his to talk spots on he? “he's FETCH ~THE WIFE OVER ALL TgACH \ou e GAue! “is a where | | brainy ~TONeHT AN'WELL for example. That woman hasn't your mob, isn't she?" ‘Yes,” admits Kate, “but"— “The point is,” 1 goes on, “that being good at cards is just a_knack and has nothing whatever to do with brains. ‘The same goes for rhost pas- times. You hear 'em talking about a golf player. There's no such animal. The hest golf players in the world are ex-caddies that were thrown out of kindergarten and couldn't make as much as $3 a week at anything eise. Good golf playing iz knack com- bined with practice, and the higgest brain in the world wonldn't help you to sink a 10-yard put.” “Brains wouldn't hurt vou the game, would it.” inquires “if you also had the knack and practice? “If you any in Kate, the had brains enough to do anything else,” 1 replies, ‘“you wouldn't have the time to practice. Besides, a bird with an active brain probably wouldn't be able to keep it long enough on cards or golf to do very well at either one of 'em.” “It must be terrible,” remarks the misses, “not to have no regular brains and no card sense, either.” “Awful!” T agrees. “Yet," goes on the wife, to be happy “Are you trying to insult me?" yelps. m not misses. “I've heard that vou seem 1 trying,” backs down the talk,” she NOTHNG DOIN' 05cAR!- I WANTA §TAY on *2iEunLy TEaM5 WiTH Hee | | oes on, “about folks with card sense queens handed to you, providing the |sense enough to pour water out of a [not having any other kind of sense, | pitcher, but she's the best player in |but it's silly. Some of the brightest lawyers and doctors in town are won- derful bridge players, aren't they And some of the heads of the higgest corporations in the country are grand golf players, aren't they “Some of 'em are good.” I admits, “but who are the guys that write the books about bridge and fix up the rules for the game? DId vou ever hear of ‘em doing anything else? Who wins the big golf prizes? Aren't they mostly ex-caddies and club profes. sfonals?" “That's all right,” comes back the frau. “Those men have made a pro- fession of those things.” “What a profession teaching a lot of fat-headed old hens to play bridge must he!” I sheers. “What's wrong with it?" snaps the wife. “People have got to amuse themselves, and what's terrible about showing 'em how to amuse themselves properly? “Nothing," I agrees, “but if you call battles between husband and wife and the spreading 'of scandal between deals amusing yourself properly, you're cuckoo.” “What is your idea of proper amuse- ment?” asks the frau. “Talking to you, darling,” her. “Ah, yes." sighs Kate. “What's one man's food Is another man's poison.” (Coprright. 1026.) Tracking Storms. HE birthplace of storms’—that vast frozen sheet covering jreenland’s fcy mountains—is the ulti- mate goal of an expedition of adven- turers that is heing organized this Winter under tha leadership of Prof. W. H. Hobbs of the University of Michigan, an authority on glaciers and 1 tells [Tl geology. land next Ju according to Popular Sclence Monthiy. equipped with ai planes for preliminary exploration, with radio apparatus to maintain com: pranks of the weather and to observe the movement of the great Greenland glaciers, One of the chief objects of the expe- dition will be the establishment of a weather observing station on the vast and 7,000 feet above sea level. Never before has this been accomplished. At this station Prof. Hobbs hopes to main- tain a staff of observers for a year to give meteorologists of the world the first accurate information concerning weather disturbances in the part of the world where severe storms are be- lieved to gather. civilization. are expected to aid greatly in making accurate daily weather fore. casts in the United States and Canada. | | | | | | quarter to 8. | Unexpected Results Follow Attempt To Apply the Latest Efficiency Rules BY STEPHEN LEACO(‘K. WISH to set down for readers of this newspaper in a plain- and simple manner, o that they can all get it, the story of how 1 raised my own salary. There may he among these readers some who would like to have thelr salaries in- creased. If so, [ think 1 can tell them how to set about it. They may not all succed as 1 did. But at least they can follow the same process. In my own case the turning point in my career came from reading the few paragraphs of printed matter which appear helow. 1 forget the name of the author, or perhaps I didn't notice it even at the time. But the extract is taken from a little hook ahout modern business and how' to succeed in it. Iven if my readers have never seen this particular book, they have no doubt seen a lot like it. This is what it said: “The man who would modern business must be alive and alert. He must keep his eyes well open and his gaze ahead. ““The man who would succed must bhe 100 per cent efficient. He must use every ounce that is in him. He must organize himself as a machine. He must divide his output by initial energy and square himself with the quotient “He must get Into high gear and stay there. If his voltage is too low for his driving power he must speed up hie accelerator. When he wants to carry his peak load he must fill up his tank. He must keep full. “The man who would succeed day must know the value of time. must remember that time counts. succed in to He The | man who would make good must be punctual. He must not only be on time, but he must be before his time. | 1t you have an appointment with him at '8 o'clock, he must be there at a At whatever hour vou come you must find him there. “He must be on time for his work He must come to his work like a shot out of a catapult. He must hit his work like a hullet. He must come right to his job with the crack of a gun. If he has an appointment he must hit it with a smack. If you meet him on the street he must go past like an arrow. If the traffic is blocked he must go right through it. “Learn. then, the value of time. Every minute represents the interest on an hour. There are only 6,00 seconds in a day have “The Use every one of them man who is out for success must payv attention to his dress. He has got to look like a man. His elothes must fit him like his skin His hair must he clipped right to his scalp. His ears must stick out like telephones. He must he shaved as These are all you | flat as a pancake. ance must be clean-cut, close-nipped, short.cropped. F should suggest the terrier combined the hulldog. The man who would succeed must keep himself in proper physical shape. | He must never neglect his body. He must keep himself as lithe as a snake. “The man who means to must keep himself under const trol. He must avoid all excess. must never drink. He must nothing. He must be awake all time. If he sleeps, he is gone. ““The man who is out to win talk little. A few words a day more. But when he does speak | speech should be direct, close-cut, clean-hit and edged to point 1f |he saye “This is a fine day,’ it ‘'must be a fine day | “The man who would succeed must be able not only to work hut to Iplay. When the right time comes he must be able to free his mind from quickness of the with the clinch succeed nt con- He eat must but no his “AS SOON AS HE OPENED THE DOOR I THREW ‘MY HAT AHEAD OF ME AND MADE ONE LEAP TO MY DESK.” His whole appear- | his work Sverything about him|game of ping-pong, or hunt-the.s! of | button the | | Just been working along in an ordi- nary way without muchchance of any thing. 1 hadn't had any increase of salary for five years and there didn't seem’ any chance of any. If my em- | ployer had any nation of raising my [ pay at least he said nothing about it | Looking back on it now. I can ses [that T was suffering from low efi | ciency. 1 knew how to do my job-- the firm sold wholesale lumber on consignment—right enough, but I had never heard in those davs of magnet- ism and dynamic personality and in- {ternal combustion and the other things that count in modern business. So 1 looked over the list of things that T had to do te succeed and [ concluded that the punctuality stuff was the nearest one to my reason and [ would begin on that. Up till then I had always got to my work more or less on time, but never before the time. Mr. Grunch —the boss—was always in the office when I got there. So the next morn- ing instead of turning up for business at 8 o'clock T was right there in the office at a quarter to. Mr. Grunch was there. up when I came in. “You're early he said. 1 felt tkat it was the right moment to say something incisive something clean-bit. But 1 could onlv | think of “Yes" I waited then a | minute for him to raise my salary but he_didn’t Next morning 1 at 23 minutes te Mr. Grunch was there “You are early this morning,” he said. “Mr. Grunch,” 1 answered. “the punctuality of the employe is the vade mecum of modern business.” Ha didn't raise my salary, so T added, “There are 86400 seconds in a day but no more. e looked at me for A moment but nothing. 1 don't think he it He looked was down to busi Rut first, He must throw himselt | whale-souled enthusiasm LA P button-button-who's-got-the. | 111'¢ 80t ] In his relaxation the success Next morning 1 came at ful man, the big man, must be as|Grunch wasn't there and the outer sportive as a trout door was locked. «So 1 sat and waited TR AN AT wh at the top of the stairs till he came. to succeed must be dynamic, mag- | You here aiready?’ he said. “Mr. nette, clear-visioned, pop-eved. bull- | Grunch” I said, “Time is opportun necked and, above all, 200 per cent | Ity American.’ As soon as= he opened As 1 sald already, I am not threw my hat in ahead that I have got the quotation correct [Made one leap to my desk word for word. But my first im.|ity.,” I said as 1 sat down, pression when I read it was one of | Velocity. depression. 1 said to myself, I can't 1 tried this for do it that's all about it. All that ter- | day my employer found me on the rier stuff And that trout stuff—I can't | Steps with, a winning smile to greet touch it him. a few bright words to cheer him. Still 1 thought it At the end of that time, he said the end I decided to myself that I'd Look here. young man. I like to give it a try anvway. “The book.” I |have this office to myself for a little said to myself. “says that this is the | while in the morning. When I want ght way to succeed and I'll see how you here at 7:30, I'll say =o' it worke. I'll start tomorrow (Continued next week.) Till this time. 1 should expla (Copsright. 1026.) with per or a is out the of door T me and “Rapid- “lies in sure | two weeks. Each all over and at | Humorists and Other Writers Enliven Social Circles at a Florida Resort | | i The party expects to start for Green. | | munication with the outside world and | goq) with scientific apparatus to record | ire { | i | BY RING LARDNER. O the editor: During the last wk. of this writer's happy so- journ in Belleair, Fla., m cial activities was cut down to about 13 of 1 per cent of previ ous wks. on acct. of Will Rogers drop: ping in one day on his way from Tampa to St. Petershurg and done me the honor to lunch with me in the hotel and afterwards 1 was not on turns with those of the guests who I didn't them Will was just about winding up his Florida engagements with the De Reszke Singers of which he ain't one “WILL DOES HIS STUFF_BE. TWEEN RENDITIONS OF 'SWEET AND LOW' AND ‘DEEP RIVER.* thank heavens. hut he does his stuff hetween renditions of “Sweet and Low" and “Deep River” and he said he would always remember Daytona because somebody In the audience there laughed at a couple of his gags, though of course the man that done the laughing might of maybe beew thinking of some comical cartoon he seen that morning or maybe just had a jag, but anyway the sound was as | welcome as the final whistle to the Harvard football team. Will was just kidding about this, for I seen his act at St. Petersburg the next night and all together he was on the stage alone for 2 hrs. and the audience never stopped laughing except when he sprung a few items that I had wrote out for him. “You ought to see some of the places we have showed in,” said the famous mute. ‘“Most of them has introduce him to | either heen shooting galleries or con vention halls. \When it was conven tion halls the first 45 rows was priced at $3.00 per seat and behind that it i« $2.00. So as soon as I get out on | the stage I Bave invited all the $2.00 [boys to come and set in the first 45 rows so I wan't half to talk so loud.’ | BIG FISHMONGER INVENTS NEW GAME. < “Is your tour prett quired the genial hos “Oh, no,” was Will’s reply. up through Georgia and the Carolinas and then start for California.” “And when do you get to Cali- fornia?” queried the handsome inter- viewer. near over?” in the towns between Dur. it's that “you count ham and Los Angeles and many days.’ A REAL GAME CALLED HORSE GOL | monger | | big golf “We go | | “Well,” said the former cow milker, | shots must be plaved while the hores breasting Niagaria Falls on a cycle. A bunch gagement motor- of us attended Will's en- in St. Petersburg and set in the Ist. row at $3.00 per head which a man named Geo. Ade paid for it. I wrote out a few items in regards to some of our companions and Will read them. He paid me nothing for same o I will try and get back some of the time and thought spent on fame by repeating same here to fill up space ‘Amongst the famous people with us tonizht is Geo. Ade. the second greatest American humorist ‘Alonag with Geo. is a great pal of his Mr. Ort Wells of Chicago. Ort nvented the telegraph so as he would not half to srite long answers mash He was the frst American and was scalped he father. “Another the party fs Gea. Morse If champlon of Vermont Vermont has got 3 other zolfers whom one of them fis Mra. Morse and the other one lost his ball on the first hole and had to quit. THE MRS. DOESN'T 1T SO WELL. have with us Mr. the Edgar A. Guest Mr. Rice hails from Tennessee and his wife from Georgia They hoth write Enclish, but neither can speak it. Mrs. Rice has been kind of upstage ever since her cousin mar ried Georgia's first citizen, Young Stribling. Young Stribling’s father-in law is said to have one of the greatest libraries in Georgia. He owns a full set of a popular author and a Macon telephone directory. He once re marked that he had so many books that he didn’t know what to do with them. That is a peculiarity of some people, thev don't know what to with book “And Mr o notes celebrity in former £olf LIKE And we also Grantland Rice, of New York o Frank Crowninshield editor. His paper generally alwavs comes out on the 18th of the month, but Mr. Crowninshield has new heen away from his office & wke. so the next number will come out on the 1Sth of the menth Mr. and Mrs. Rex Beach was fn our bunch and Will told how Mrs, each was responsible for getting him in the movies which I thought wes kind of had taste bringing up a b ject which Mrs. Beach has heen try ing forget and live down these many vears Will wa asked by a St. Petershurg man how he liked Florida and he replied that since seeing it he had de ded to sell all his California property and buy in Oklahoma. Mrs. Rogers has made the entire trip with Will, all one night stands is running. Personly this might im-|and next time you see her 1 would prove my game as the way things is | advice you to not ask her how she “Have vonu had much trouble dodg- ing Florida realtors?” “Net a hit." answered the hig fish They just look at me and to themself “That guy couldn't af payment on a divot was amongst the gallery at a match the day ne come to see me. Walter Hagen and Henry Topping was playing vs. Joe Schiott- man. Max Marston and Geo. Morse and it made Will wild to see people doing something he couldn't do so he says golf was a sillv game and he was inventing a real game called Ilorse Golf which the players rides a horse and plays with a polo racket and a | ¢ polo ball, but vou mnave holes to knock the hall into like golf and all say make Will | i now I act like I played my shots while 'likes Florida or anvwheres else All Sorts of Weird Problems of the Day Furnish Material for This Question Box BY ED WYNN. EAR Mr. Wynn: On my Way to work this morning, 1 saw a boy 5 feet 10*inches tall hit & boy about 5 feet tall. Don't vou think he should ashamed to hit a boy smaller than he? Yourst truly, I. SAWM. Answer: He probably would rather feel ashamed hitting a boy smaller than he than feel sorry for hitting a plateau of ice some 150 miles inland | boy larger than himself. Déar Mr. Wynn: According to sta- tistics there are fewer marriages than in former years? How do you account for this condition? Sincerely, D. SPONDENT. Answer: Men have just found out | they can have their mending and darn- The observations, sent by radio®to|ing done at the laundry. I want a job where | Dar Mr. Wynn 1 will only have to work four hours place T ask for work Where a day. Bvery they want me for eight hours, can I get a job like I want? Truly yeurs, M. LAZE Answer: Get a job carrying a hod on a building where you have to work walking up a ladder. By deing this vou will only be working four hours a day carrying bricks up the ladder. The other four you will spend in walking down the ladder again to get your hod filled. Dear Mr. Wynn: Yesterday I found my brother lying on the floor of our garage. It setms he has been having trouble with his ‘“vertebra.” What |shall T do to help him? Truly yours N. GINEER. Answer: Make him sell it. Those foreign cars aren’t any good, anyhow. Dear Mr. Wynn: My uncle says he ! gets shaved in a barber shop, but hasn't been there for years. What is he talking about? Sincerely, JILL. LETBLADES. Answer: He gets chaved in a barber [y | been there in He must shop, vet hasn't v That's very simple. left his mug there. | for something that happened 30 years have | ago? Dear Mr. \Wynn: You are so smart Dear Mr. Wynn: A friend of mine |can you tell me the difference betwern says his brother lives in two countries [a woman and an umbrella. at the same time. He savs his broth- | Truly vours, IMA WOMA er's home is in Philadelphia, but at| ;. er: Sure I can tell you the present time he is in London, | ..n shut s N . | can shut up a brella. England. If he is in England, how " Shut up an umbrella can he be in America at the 'same time? e E Yours truly. U. ROPEAN. | iaconee they have miis: hut. cows Answer: You say his home is in/don't go to heaven, as they haven't the United States and he is now in |souls. If this is true, where will the England? That's easy. He is in|people who go to heaven have (o go London and he is also home sick. | to get their milk? | Yours truly, Dear Mr. Wynn: My wife and 1| HUGO EVRIEPLAC will _celebrate our thirtieth wedding | Nt ek anniversary on next Sunday. We THE PERFECT FOOI live on a farm, and my wife wants e me to kill a_pig for our dinner. Do | i vou think that is right i ot e e ol Yours truly, | wees all: he knows all Do you think vou HECTOR WASAPUP. | {7 Mupn him with anr, kind of a_iues Answer: No, it is not right. \Why | the editor of this Daner and wateh for M should you murder a poor little pig (Coprright. 1978,) an You Dear Mr. Wynn: My Sunday school Answer ten told v e world He | revtr.