Evening Star Newspaper, August 16, 1925, Page 77

THE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTON, D. C, AUGUST 16, 1925—PART I An Expanded Personality How It Feels When a Man Has the Means and the Ambition to Spread Himself and to Have the Pleasure of Doing Great Things. simply love the cold. But there's no HY is it that when a man :1;;\1\»13 2 s a“‘ er anl;)i spot hPr.- by attains to a comfortable e lake in Winter 0 you remem. fortune and hires people £ ber that terribly cold Winter, the last to build him a vast house winter of the war, I think it was? about 20 feet one way and i} “I believe 1 do,” I said. 100 feet the other, he actually thinks * % & % that be has built it himself? R. NEWBOLDT has paused in I and George and Joe Bush and His Wife Study the Question of Financing a Day’s Excursion to the Popular Amusement Park. : . BY NINA WILCOX PUTNAM. BY STEPHEN LEACOCK. S P. T. Barnum, the Pres. & founder of the Society for Bigger & Better Bluffs once | said. “The Greatest Show on Earth isn’t half the show that the folks who come to it are! and how true that is was found out only the other night by T and George, that's my husband, when we went out to Cuckoo Grove Amuse- ment Park with that Joe Bush of the Hawthorne Club and his wife Geo. had come home around five . having left the office on ac : heat, and then when he got in the house, why as per usual when off schedule, he couldn't think of noth- ing to do. It always strikes me as remarkable where George will tell me evenings while inhaling his supper how, just as soon as he getssa minute he Is gonner fix that closet door so's it'll shut good, put up them hooks in the bathroom, make a box for Junior to keep his toys in, paint the flivver and etc. But leave him actually get a little extra time home and, Hot Bozo! all he can think of is to clean| up his golf clubs or look at some old | paper. Well anyway. this evening he chose the brown Sunday pictures, the section that prints copies of all the current brides, snaps of the Pres. | opening a address or a can of soup or something, a_six-legged Per cat from lowa, furbearing goldf that's just been presented to poor fish, and other novelties as distinguished visitors, good cooks and Charlie Chaplin “But this time what Geo. was look- ing at in particular was a snap of Coney Island, with the big amuse-| ment parks going full tilt, twist and tumble. It was taken from the air | and it showed the crowds taking the | same, and Geo. called me to come | lookit this picture. And I eh, | I seen it already, and he sa but just come here a minute I wanner | show you something. | And he kept it up, so I went and | looked, and Geo., says there! lookit | that! And they call that having a| good time, just lookit that crowd | all jammed up together, fighting to| get on them fool ferris wheels and | whatnots, he savs, that is my idea | of nothing at all to do, you couldn't drag me to one of them places with a ball and chain, he says And T says is that what you drag ged me all the way in here for, to tell me that. Sweet Cookie! And then I went on back In the kitchen to make sure the frost was on the dessert. * # s UT Hot Bozo! I hadn't been there two minutes when who would blow in only that Joe Bush and his wife. At one glance I could see Where they was out for no good, and the minute Joe Bush opened his mouth he let fiy one of them bright, original ideas of his that he is all | the time giving away free gratis for | nothing, whether anybody wants them | or not. | folks, I've got a idea, he says. | I'm full of pep tonight, what say we | all go down to Cuckoo Grove tonight and play the roller-coaster and the chutes and everything? 1 want this to be my party, George, this is all on me, see? Aw come on folks, let's ha\'e‘ some fun, what say? Well naturally I expected what Geo. would say wasn't gopner be anything for we ladies to hear, but quite to the other hand, George was at once all smiles. Great! he says, I was won- dering what on earth to do, 1 come home early and I just been moping around trying to think of something, | let's go right on down now and eat in the Noodle Gardens, I do love that German Spaghetti with boiled dogs. And I says then why won't you eat them home, and Geo. says for the luvva tripe, don't crab! And after he spoke that menu, T says well I don't care to go, my own personal dogs is dog-tired right now. And George give in to me just the way he usually does. Believe you me, 1 have Geo. trained. One word from mé and he does as he pleases. So I put on my fighting clothes, and | we went on outside and George savs to Joe well old man where is your car? And Joe Bush says why the old lady is in the hospital having her car- | buretor removed, I thought maybe you would like to ‘use your boat, and EO. TOOK A LION, A TOOK IT KINDA SERIOUSLY.” George sa: sure, but T don't know how much 1 got, we better stop and get some. Well, we stopped at Vacuum's Fill- ing_station, that filis its customers avith hot dogs, pop, gasoline and other | motor acecssories, and while Geo. was saying better put in ten, that Joe Bush hopped out and got a coupla packages of gum and some peanu and hopped in back again, and the gas man says two-ninety five including what the other gent got, and after a pause Geo. says let me pay old man, and Joe s well, since you insist, all right, let's go, and we did. Well, I'm telling, we sure have got |a mighty handsome Amusement Park for a town our size. Cuckoo Grove s laid out on Casey’s old vacant lot, as laid out, but nobody as yet has ced a lily in its hand, if you get| |me. It is as far from dead as I am from freezing. Of course the first thing they done was cut down the trees and run up a high board fence around it in ¢ any one was to pass there by daj light and see what the place really looked like. But as we made our per- fect approach this evening we could | see the top of the Ferris Wheel, fer- rishing, or wheeling, or whatever it does, ail ablaze with real genuine elec- tric lights. In fact the whole entire place was thoroughly electrocuted with red and green bulbs and etc. e INATURALLY the first thing we done was park the car, Joe telling George exactly where to leave it after George had found the place, and then we went up to the gate and Joe sa hey George lemme six bits, will yah, until I can get to change a twenty | dollar bill? And Geo. says yes, sure old man. And them we went on in while I and Mabel Bush, in the con- ventional female manner, pretended we hadn’t noticed no finances. Well, inside on the nice soft dirt alks, all gaily decked with pictur- esque old paper bags and garnished with banana peels, we walked along hardly knowing what did we want to do first, but screaming at each other to come on you scared cat, try the Toosie Teaser, aw you das'ant, ooh, Joe, leave me be, I'm scared, say, George, ain't that Bumpy-Lumps something awful, come on, let’s make the girls try it! And etc. Until we | come to a real cute affair made on a ant, and you got in some washtubs slid around in ’'em until you bottom, alive or dead. This very pop. almost Nat'l sport, aturdays especially. So Joe goes up to where it | tickets 10 cents, and Joe s sa. George, have you got a half dollar? And George gave him 1 a simoleon, and so Joe paid for the tickets, and bidding the world farewell & think- ing of my only child, I got in with Joe, and George got in with Mabel to be real devlish, see, and we all velled, but nobody saved us, it was too late by then, and next thing I knew it was all over except for a bl and blue spot on my chin. It cer- tainly was a swell sensation, or so | Geo. claimed as he felt of his slightly sprained wrist. Next thing, Joe spent that dime which had been left over from Geo.'s fitty cents, on two real pretty pink paper ticklers, and give 'em to we girls and says now don't you go wag- ging them at no strange men, we won't stand it, eh George, ha! ha! And Geo. says aw come on, let’s shoot the chutes! And I says shoot 'em by all means, only be sure your aim is good But Mabel wanted to go on the Seasick Railway, and Geo. at once says fine, so 1 decided well I guess I will sit’ with Geo. this time, on ac- count of all them dark tunnels. So George went up to the ticket agent, but Joe pushed him to one side and says no, no, old man, this party is on me, just lemme have a dollar, will vuh, until 1 change a twenty-dollar bill, I wanner pay for this! * ok ok % O Geo. give him the dollar, and Joe generously ushered us in through the gate, which was a big mouth, see, very novel, we thought. And when them little cars started, all jammed as tight full of people {as they could hold, why I seen at once why it was so popular, it was just like the five-fifteen, everybody felt at home. he next thing we tried was the merry-go-round, and honest I nearly dled "laffing when I seen that Joe Bush riding on a camel, and the cracks we made about was he thifsty and etc. was a scream! Well, we screamed them, anyways. As for Mabel, she chose a cat, it come nat ural to her, I guess, while Geo. took a lion, and took it kinda seriously. As for me, I didn't even take a | chance, I took a seat on one of them | sleighs, they ain't so easy to fall out of. Anyways, Geo. got the gold ring, and asked Mabel to marry him with it, and we all says, ha! ha!, what a scream, come on, let's get a cream cone and try the roller-coaster. So Geo. bought us some cones, and Joe rushed up to the roller-coaster and | says just slip me sixty cents, will you Geo. I only got two dimes here until I get a 20 dollar bill changed. So Geo. give him it, and we roller-coasted. And Hot Bozo, some people claim the universal language is Love, but I contend where it is Roller Coaster on account every person on that in- vention made the same remark at the same time for the same reason. Roughly speaking it was 0000HOOo0! and roughly speaking is exactly what 1 mean. Well, by now I had quite a nice collection of souveniers, a bump on my chin, one on my head, a lame arm and a sore toe. So I says come on, let’s eat, then maybe we will have the strength for more punishment. So we all went over to the Noodle Gardens, screened tight s0's to keep the flies in, and we had a dandy supper of hot- dogs, drinks, candy and cream sand- wiches with a few pretzels on the side, and a check for one eighty. Well Joe says, hey George, glmme that checx, unless you insist. By say- ing whick he didn't really give George no chanst to insist, he merely let Geo. pay it, and threw in one of the dimes he had borrowed offen Geo., for a tip. X * ok JELL, after this meal we felt pret- ty ;good for a while and threw some rings at some canes that didn't seem able to catch 'em. Then as soon as Joe had borrowed a dollar from Geo. we fired at a few poor harmless idumb clay pigeons and Geo. pretty | near hit one. But by the time Joe had snapped his twenty dollar bill a coupla times more to show it wasn't broken vet, and let Geo. oblige him with the price of admission to a few glasses of ice cream sodas, and tickets to the for- tune tellers, why I got a terrible de- pressed feeling. like my finances had | indigestion, and I says aw come on, let’s go home, and the aves had it. Well naturally we drove the Joe Bushes to thelr house, and we savs good night. We certainly had a won- | derful time. And Joe says oh don’t | mention it.” I'm only too glad to of | taken you. And then I and Geo. went on along home and I listened to the | Rioter’s Lament all the way, although I knew the words and music good enough to of sung it myself. “Never | again, not on your life, never again!" That's how the chorus goes. | But you know how it is, when once you start a thing like that. One taste, and you get the hankering. So | with my poor husband. It wasn't over | g0 over to Cuckoo Grove with us and have a little fun! hung up. Of all things, 1 says, did again, but nothing doing, I insisted it was my turn to treat, it's more eco- nomical in the end, even if I gotter admit that Joe Bush can make a twenty-dollar bill go further then any man I ever saw! (Copyright. 1925.) “All Week End Parties,” Declares Host, “Are Headed in Direction of a Weak End” BY SAM HELLMAN. | | HICH would you -| " inquires the S i for the ave some folk: out to the house Friday,| Saturday and Sunday “Between the tw I returns, “I'd| much rather go to bed with the|" mumps. | “I thought,” remarks Kate, “that| you liked to take trips out of town?" | “I do,” T admits, “when I can pick the time and the place, but you can scratch me when it comes to them junkets to Atlantic City, for instance, over holiday stretches.” “What's the matter with ‘em asks the frau “Matter”” T yelps. “Do you think they is any fun in jamming into chair cars with sweatty crowds, and then getting on your knees to one of them hotel bandits and begging for a two- by-four room over the kitchen at $25 bucks per the diem?” “Well,"” says the wife, “it may not be so comfortable g to those re sorts, but it's pretty good when you get there.” “It might be,” I returns, “if vou| didn’t have to begin worrying right| away how you were going to get back | with that Sunday night mob crashing the ticket offices. There’s only one thing worse than a week end trip What's that?” cuts in Kate. “Having a bunch of week enders make a road house out of your resi dence over the week end.” “You can thank me.’ remarks the frau, “for saving you from a trip out of town. The Greens and t Palmers| wanted us to go with 'em.” “How'd you stall out of it, sweetie?” T asks gratefully. “By asking them,” replies the misses cooly, “to stay with us over Labor day. They were glad to come.” “You did what?" I yelps. “I thought you asked me what 1'd rather have.” “Just a matter of form,” answers the frau, airy. “A week end party,” I barks, “is hell, but a party with the Palmers and | he Greens is hell und high water Like T said, I don't like trips, but I'd much rather take a trip to Munch Chunk, Pa.. on top of a coal car and spend a couple of days in the garbage incinerator down there than gather up | with them flatheads for three days. “Didn’t you say yourself you were off 'em after their visit here last yesr?” y “They're not so bad,” says the wife apologetically. * X k¥ 46 A LL right,” I returns, “but don’t ask me to count the silver and the towels after they leave. You never did find those three salad forks | and them eight towels we got the Pullman company. did vou its the frau, = thrown out ac 1 . 49 nagine ng three nights to the Greens *h other out over bridge.”” do quarrel,” agrees Kate, ‘Quarrel!” 1 cuts in. “That's put- ting it mild T've heard that bimbo tear his wife’s hide off for not bidding over three spades ona hand that didn’t on a hand that was a whole gallery, with six spades on the side. The boy starts roaring the minute he sits down, and is still roaring the next morning at breakfast. When you in- vite the Greens to a week end you're just sending out engraved cards to a riot.” “We don't have to play bridge, do we?” inquires the wife. “No,” says I, “but if you cut cards out of your week end repertory how are you going to butcher time for your house jests? They ain't enough scan- | dals to warm over to keep the Palmer and the Greens busy three days. How you going to amuse ‘em? Give ‘em! m | knives and tell 'em to cut their initials in_the furniture?” “If the worse comes to the worst,"” snaps the misses, “they can spend the time just looking at you. If that don’t keep 'em rocking with laughter they’re hopeless.” “If they get a laugh out of me,” I shoots back, “they ought to get hys- teria out of you picking me for a pro- vider when you had all of them mil- | lionaires to choose from. Wasn't George Palmer one of your sweeties - : 4 nce?” have a picture in it, and five minutes | ° later give her hades for bidding one | “What of it?"" comes back the frau. othing,” says I, “but if you'd of hooked up with him you'l spent the rest of your life cadging week end in- vitations in order to keep up your eat- ing average. If it wasn’t for dining out the Palmers would be entirely out of dining.” “Maybe,” slams back the misses, “but I'd of married a man who acts like a gentleman if I'd taken George.” * xx o ¢WHICH would you rather do?” T asks. ‘“Eat with a gent in a beanery or high hat the waiters at the : Ritz with a rough diamond?” ““You being the diamond?” inquires the wife sarcastic. 2R N\ Ay i fe in person,” I admits ou mean us, don’t you?" comes back the frau. “Between us we're a rough diamond ‘I don’t get you,” says I, puzzled. You're the rough,” returns Kate, “and I'm the diamond.” “When,” says I, changing the sub- ject, “are these flat tires arriving “The Palmers,” she replies, ‘“are coming tomorrow, Friday, afternoon.” “Excyse me,” T remarks, rising, “1'd best get three or four shaves before he arrives. When that bloke goes into the washroom to doll himself up it's three hours before you can pry him away from the mirror. Did you ever see Palmer fixing himself up?” “I don't watch gentlemen at their toilet,” says Kate, haughty. ‘You've' watched me,” I reminds h ‘I said gentlemen,” sniffs the frau. “Well,” says 1, ‘George takes an hour to shave, another hour to put three dozen different kinds of tonics on the place where his hair used to be, seven or eight lotions on that map of his, seven or nine assorts of pow- der and—-" “I'm not interested,” interrupts Kate. “You expect to get any sleep during this week end?” T inquires. “No,” says the misses, “but you'll get_enough after you're dead “Yeh," T comes back, “and I'll need every hour of it. An ZT(:hemmt's Dream. 'HAT the dream of medieval al- chemists of forcing nature to give up her secret of how to make gold is nearing practical realization is the pre- diction freely made in German scien- tific circles. In the seclusion of their laboratories German scientists are working on this problem with great energy and sécrecy. Prof. A. Miethe, famous scientist-of the Charlottenburg Technical High School, whose announcement of suc- <cesstully making gold out of mercury created a sensation in the scientific world, now is reported to have closed a contract with the Siemens-Schuckert Company of Berlin for further devel- opment and realization on a practical commercial basis of his discoveries. Longest -Railway. THE longest railroad in the world is not in the United States. By the recent completion of a connecting link there is now a continuous line of track from Meekathearra in West Australia to Dajarra, in Queensland, a distance of 5,433 miles. The line from Vancouver to Halifax is 3,622 miles long and San Francisco to New York 8,109 miles, which was a nice wooden shack, all | | struck sand, and I'd no sooner got week later before I caught him on | | the 'phone and what in the world if | | he wasn't asking them Joe Bushes to | Well, George Jules! I says when he | they accept? And Geo. says yes, sure | they did, Joe wanted ‘it to be on him | Why is it that when a man is rich enough to hire a French chef to cook a dinner he thinks that he himself has_cooked it? Why is it that when a man pos- sesses a $10,000 car he thinks that he made it himself, and when He hires a chauffeur in livery he believes himself an_authority on the gasoline engine? These are profound problems of psychology. The professors of that subject talk to us of a man “expand- ing his personality,” and I think it must be the name of it An example in point is that of my good friend Mr. Newbolt, who has made so much money out of whole- sale hay and fodder that he has been able to build himself an Italian palace beside a lake. The palace and the lake and all the scenery have now passed from the hands of nature to those of Mr. Newbolt and over them all he expands his personality. 1 had the pleasure one afternoon last week of visiting Mr. Newbolt at his _castle. i “Now here,” he said to me with a wave of his hand, “is where you, get the best view of the place.” Mr. Newbolt was standing at the corner of the lawn where it sloped, dotted with great trees, to the banks of the little lake. He wore on his short circular person the Summer cos- tume of & man taking his ease and careless of dress, plain white flannel trousers, not worth more than 10 dol- lars a leg, an ordinary white silk shirt with a rolled collar, that couldn’t have cost more than 15 dollars, and on his head an ordinary panama hat, say 40 dollars. “It's a lovely place.” I said. “Isn’t it?” answered Mr. Newbolt “But you ought to have seen it when I took hold of it. To make the motor road alone I had to dynamite out about one hundred yards of rock, and then I fetched up cement, tons and tons of it, and boulders to but- tress the embankment.” id you really!” I exclaimed. Yes, and even that was nothing to the house itself. Do you know, I had to go at least 40 feet for the foundations. First I went through about 20 feet of clay, after that I through that than, by George! I landed in 8 feet of water. “I had to pump it out: I think I took out a thousand gallons before I got clear down to the rock. Then I — took my solid steel beams in fifty- ' here Mr. Newbolt imi- tated with his arms the action of a man setting up a steel beam, set them upright and bolted them on foot longths, rock where I “THEN I FETCHED UP CEMENT—TONS AND TONS OF IT.” the rock. o ¢¢ AFTER that 1 threw my steel girders across, clapped on my roof rafters, all steel, in sixty-foot pleces, and then just held just supported it a bit, and let it sink gradually to its place.” fow did you manage.” I asked, “to get the electric power? have it all through the place.” “Do you know, you'd hardly believe 1t?” said Mr. Newboldt. “I had to build two miles of line to bring it in. And, mind you, I had to do the whole thing myself—every pole of wire—it all fell on m “But here,” he went on, “you can judge something of the work I've had to do round this place. ways and you can see the gap in the put the road through. I must have exploded a ton and a half of dynamite on it.”" “I wonder you aren't afraid of it,” the last job.” the Italians. other people for blasting.” It easily,| “Did you blow them up yourself?"|seem to “I wasn't there,” he answered. fact, I never care to be here when | We go to town I see you [ I'm blasting. thousand each.” very inch though,” I ventured to say has meant 1 suppose you here in the Winter? ribly cold.” “Oh, but 1 do, In fact, with the heating ap-| paratus I've installed in the house, Il tremendous Look off side- It must be ter- thought; in a ratnute his mind re verted back to the days of the wa “Bad_times those were,” he presently, “bad times. ['d no one here but one hired man. I'd sent off Edward, the chauffeur (the fellow who drove us today—he has a wooden leg but I paid for it), and he lost his foot When I got the news of it, it som opened up an obstinate streak i “Very well,’ I said to myself, * got to see th through to the end.’ So I sent Wil g gardener “Then the word came that W' Y had been gassed. It sort of put me on my mettle. ‘If the Germans want to try it out man for man with them,” T said, and I Peter, the stableman, the very I heard abo *Now P William or | if they've lost a leg or at, the loss will be n alone.’ Peter was torpedoe: mother know at once t come on me alone. continued Mr. New a pause, “those were hard ar that was how it was that I was left with no one here but the hired man in that cottage below. “I remember that it was so cold that Winter that often when I sent the man out to get firewood he'd come in with both sides of his face ne simply gets used to it, that's |frozen. But I didn't seem to mind it hrugging his | arse it is dan-|his name : the post T blew up two Itallans on office, on He paused a minute | and added musingly, “Hardy fellows, | once when I sex 1 prefer them to any |buy some cig | his other ear “I remember once I sent Alfred- . and he came ck with ar h; thing, I enjoyed it | that_some time when out he might freeze up solid “But come,” said my good friend But | 1ooking at his watch d I've I had to foot the bill for them, all the [Kept vou h v EGC AN s Quite. right must be starvir up to the house, and I'll can’t cook up a chop or dish of fried potatoes or sol . W i panded his personality uded his whole cuisine, friend started tc trot towa: - house, convinced that he w nce and at the same time . a ba come | an instrument of wal and a French chef opyright Segregated Showers on Golf Course Combined With New Service Stations BY RING LARDNER. O the editor: In pretty near| all large citles like New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, Cleveland, Detroit, Los An- geles and etc., you will hear the boys boasting about some epe«[ clal golf course they have got which is the cat’s nightgown and sq on and | when you go out to play on them | you half to admit that they are very | high-class courses and the natives| have a perfect right to rave about same. The club houses is the last word in club houses, the falrways and | greens are in swell condition and the | gen. lay out is so beautiful that a| person frequently takes their eve off | of the ball to look at it I however belong to a little group | of wilful golfers who are of the opin fon that the acme of golfdom has not yvet been achieved in regards to either club houses or links as ‘they have been around the center of N. Y. city for enough vacant lots on which to construct the kind of a course that is the ideal of our dreams. The city location is important as most golf players works or pretends to work part of the day and a whole Iot of time is wasted when they half to take a train or a long motor ride | to some so called country club. If 2 desirable plot could be obtained,! say _in Union Square, which is bound- ed by Broadway and Fourth avenue to say nothing about Fourteenth street and Seventeenth street, why a great many members could walk ¢~ the course wile anybody could get there in a very few minutes by sub- way. bus or street car. The club house would be a frame building so as if any of the mem- bers got sore at the service they could burn it down and by the time another one was erected the unde- sirable servants would of found them- selfs other jobs. The lounge or library would be well equipped with all the standard memory courses for the education of members who never can remember how many strokes it took them to reach the green if ever. Another feature would be a hospital with plenty doctors, internes and nurses to attend the boys that lpst their match because they wasn't feel- ing good Wtk F INJOW in regards to the course itselt. The first hole would be built on the order of the one which is on the estate of Joe Cook, the comedian, or rather a comedian, at Landing, N. J. This hole is 120 vards long and the HR. WITH NOBODY TO TALK TO BUT A CADDY WHO MUT- TERED TO HIMSELF.” | the divots back where green, which covers just an acre, is built like a funnel with the hole in the exact center, so that if mashie tee shot lands on the green it can’t help rolling into the hole for a4 par one. A great many golfers would spend happier days than they do now if they started off on the first hole with a one. From the third hole on, every other hole would be equipped with segre- gated shower baths. How many times do you hear golfers complaining of the heat by the time they get to the third hole and it don’t seem hardly possible for them to go the rest of | the 18 holes before cooling off. The | ternate holes not equipped with showers would be called service sta tions where you could procure gin or Scotch with what is technically known as set-ups, meaning ice, orange juice | and plain or charged water. On each and every green would be | a dictaphone or a’ stenographer to| record each player's extemporaneous | reasons why he done so poor on that hole, the bad breaks he got and how the caddy bothered him and etc. has often been my experience that by was over I could at was the trouble on seventh or twelfth but under our s system these things would transcribed and pasted up in the locker room almost before vou wa rough changing your clothes and vou could gather all the good lis ind and read the report to them verbatim like vo thought it happened in the place. S it is a good deal’of trouble to re place divots, the fairwavs would be stocked with angleworms and the following offer made to all the fisher- men in the neighborhood “If vou will stick around and put v come from you are welcome to all the worms you can find in each individual divot.” It might be necessary to sow a new mess of worms every couple months though it is also possible that worms has kiddies (children) who would soon grow up to fill the gaps left by their departed parer In the woods and rough which gen erally always skirts the fairways and which is frequented by slicers and hookers would be stationed a_corps of Boy Scouts or Woodmen of the World or "Independent Order of Foresters whose duty it would be to converse with whoever is in there looking for his ball. M is the time I have stayed in those kind of places for a hour at a_time with nobody to ialk to but a caddy who did not seem to listen to nothing I said or make no effort to do_nothing himself but mutter. To satisfy finicky golfers we would have two water holes but they would be the kind like I once seen on a course out north of Chicago wile a cuest of Mr. A. D. Lasker. The kes had cement bottoms and walls and faucets a waste stopper like in a bath tub. They was right close to the tee and before we played ther we let all the water out. Then w topped our drives and the ball, hitting the cement bottom. would bounce a mile in the air and carry over 200 ards down the fairway Our caddies would be provided with school text books or instructive read ing matter of some kind in the c: that they had to carry clubs for some. body like Cyril Walker who addresses a ball as long as a spellbinder does a audience. The only other special improve ment I can think of now is that the last twelve holes would be all down hill and that ladies would be permitted on the course between midnight and 4 am Mary Pickford Hoped to Receive $50 a Week BY PRESTON WRIGHT. LITTLE girl playing in a David Belasco show attracted the at- tention of a motion picture director who was out scouting for a_child who would possess her type of beauty. He hastened to sign her to a con- tract to act for the screen under his direction. In course of time she be- came the best known woman in the world. The little girl was Mary Pickford The director was David Wark Grif- fith Picture stars of the magnitude of Mary Pickford would think them- selves in the throes of a horrible nightmare were they asked to nego- tiate a contract on the terms then discussed by Mary Pickford and her mother, Mrs. Smith, on one side and Griffith on the other. One phase of the negotiations stands out above all others. _It illustrates the character of Mary Pickford—a char- acter which receives the tribute of admiration from all who come in con- tact with her. Griffith had offered to duplicate the salary she was paid on the speaking stage to get her into pictures. “You can have two positions,” he said. “You can keep your presént job, working at night, and then in the day you can work for me.” That seemed a reasonable enough proposition. It meant something to appear ir. a Belasco production and one didn't of one's own accord quit his management hastily. Moreover, the movies were not then in great repute among stage folks. But— “Do you think, Mr. Grifith, that T ever will be able to get $50 a week in the movies—so my mother can re- tire?” Wark Griffith! “DO YOU TH! MR. GR TO GET $50 A And Griffith replied: “Well—if you combine stage and That was the question which in the | screen work you can!” year 1908 Mary Pickford asked David | She agreed to start In six months she was receiv- in at $15 a THAT I EVER WILL BE ABLE ing $50 a week from pictures alone In a few vears this had jumped to $500. And, of course, this was a mere beginning. “The Adventures of Dolly,” a serial, made her famous. In almost no time as the evolution of the motion picture brought the big feature films, she was a great star. Why did Griffith select Mary Pick- | ford to appear under his direction? Griffith was a pioneer of the screen His experience as a director was at that time not great Still he was molding motion picture production with a sure and skillful hand. He was constantly developing new fea- tures in the pictures he produced In 1908 Lillian Russell and Maxine Elliott still represented the ideal type of beauty in this country. Tall, statuesque women were favorites on the stage, particularly in musical comedies, where every effort was made to please the eye—a practice which is common, of course, with that in the movies. Grifith conceived the idea that | small girls and women would have | more of an appeal on the screen than big ones. When he discovered Mary Pickford in a David Belasco show it was at the end of a search which had taken him through most of the New York theaters. Mary at the time was at the peak of her career. In earlier days she and / Jack Pickford, with their mother, had played in melodrama. Mary and Jack alternated in boy and girl roles. Mary was the older If the part in the play made the boy older and bigger than the girl, she played the boy and Jack the girl; but if the girl were the older, then she < IN THE MOVIES?™ resumed her sex. (Copyright. 1028.)