Evening Star Newspaper, April 19, 1925, Page 73

BY NINA WILCOX PUTNAM. ! S Lydia Pinkham once so truly said, “A girl is as old she feels, with a few good addi- tions de looks!” It was only the other day that 1 realized how true that was when I had just ot started to go out the house and George, that’s my husband, says to me, where did the hat come from or is it a pincushion? Whatter you mean, 1 says, this is the latest style, it is a real, genuine copy of a French model, what's wrong with it? Oh nothing much, he say don't hardly believe that any only 1 French would of been willing to pose such a looking thing, not unless she had lost her girlish figure, why don’t you put on a regular hat? Hot 1 suppose vou think you re a expert on ladies’ clothes, George, I says, but if you was a real judge ou ‘wouldn't be supporting a house- hold, some household would be sup- porting you; You would be nothnig but a cake eater. the same to satisfy Geo. I went put on a plain hat which 1 knew t look anywheres near as good. he says fine, that look lot more like something i protect the human dome. Well, T sayi u've made me I ke a rainy 1 sure hope you satisfied, anything else to complain of’ You don’t mean to tell me you are Foing out into the street with all that make-up on, he says, why on earth | Will you women do it, you got plenty | of color of your own. T like you much better when you are just natural. Yes you do, no such thing, T says why George vou are always raving 1 THE SUNDAY ) Can a Lady Be Herself? l George’s Wife Makes a Study of Feminine Faces and Then Tries the Return Trip to the Complexion That Her Mate Has Demanded. “YOU KNOW. JUST THE ORDINARY THINGS ANYBODY WOULD HAVE." Frickis [Zrathiey about that Mabel Bush, and she's a | 2 cgulark walking drug store. 1 vou | e, 45 Saving why hello my dear, T was to see her face some time, roy | W4 100KIng at her hair which was a be surprised. And it's the same with | °%¢Y shade of perfectly dark black. 1hat bottle blond, Miss Demeanor. and | 4 1) ¢ $he says, what have you been pretty near any lady you pick out to | 0In8 lately admire. But let me try to fix myselt | ANd T says well, to tell the truth, up decent, and picking ie as fay s | MOSt of the while I have been parking it goes With you ? # | long outside the time limit in front of = sty {my mirrory on account I find I am o . B I reoasiil 28 Do ame none of the family record | getting a few grey hairs, our family el re-h:\ oyas entirely original. | was always prematurely gray but T of i arsed the scene quite a|can't make up my mind whether to o ohd 1neves fended any nhn;\rem. dye it or leave it get grey, and she So acc 2 to schedu made my ion : o it oy fo quiet Geo: poming my lips a lick | know the difference, and think of how cise'is now one of our most fa pxer | much younger you will look. able and pop. national outdoor sports |, VeIl If Mrs. Goofnah thought that and T was headed for the street where | NS Personal demonstration was evi 1 could put the color isht rame coc | dence, why I felt it was just as well again in perfect publicity and g 1. |10 1eave her enjoy the comfort of terference. | believing that nobody but her and the caded for Mrs. Freddy Free. | {8l Who sends it along in_plain, where I knew there iy oG | Sealed packages knew her hair was lot of women most of which had |9Yed reached the age where they refer to |- 30 the shade of rouge she was theirselfs as girls but do o winon | Vearing didn’t take as much off her & perfectly clear conseience. fhe|#8€ 85 it did off her dressing table. & < '®land I commenced wondering would ever look like that and decided Freenashes being rich, why I ¥new hey would entertain on ks A, Cn A large scale. | pa ¢ rather than do so I would actually around in my plain face and run right in keeping with the one I know the chance of taking cold. have in their bathroom as a conscience salve for the 2 they don't do, and the “u,n:,l.";'".Th,',’\‘,‘;w‘ Well, I dunno, but it's a fact, birds would be well worth giving the dou.|©f @ feather go around in the same ble ephis to. "% set. and it certainly seemed like pretty | near every lady at that tea was what is generally advt. to be well preserved, meaning t they was canned peaches, speak, not quite the s the fresh picked fruit, but ad at that, although all of them ty much the same flavor. * % ok % “‘!:LL_ when T come w < already at ft, their semi-preci r words to that effect, rattling the tea | No! cups and etc. but I could see at onge | PY where the parlor or the dining room | Jor a sample, Miss Demeanor and was undoubtedly the only place the|that Mabel Bush was talking and most of them ever rattled any china, | Mabel says, what reducing cream do least not s they into | vou use, dar, and Miss Demeanor says the money vs! And pfetty near | why I thought cream was fattening, I the first thing struck me about that | didn't know it would redu of tea wrestlers was their 1 ang each | other th 3 come | lutely nothing else? That diet will re- T don't know was it me talking to|duce you wonderfully, it you don't Geo. on the subject of female artifi- | siip off it. And Mabel says that must cial flowers just before the | be something like these new reducing house or what. But I a notice the first alds to that most of the jadies Hot Bozo! Tt made me see I had been trying to blinders on about for « The first one says yes, nobody would ever over eat wore. A on them. somethir put the old o 3 3 lite some time. | W/ELL. says Mrs. Goofnah, * e who Mrs. spoke T you, but | ake- | have you tried banana peels and abso- | for rolling pins, 1 bet they work, and 1| to me, for a come up, how are you h sample, was Mrs. Goofnah, and while | F vou look just wonderful, what kind of powder foundation do You use, dear? It's Staccato may Non Troppo, says Mabel. Is that so dear, I thought it was granite, says Mrs. Goofnah. Oh, T know a good wrinkle prep- aration, 1 says, it's perfectly wonder- ful, especially for people who ain't begun to wrinkle yet. Well, says Mrs. Goofnah, I personally myself don't believe a woman should make up much, and looking her right in the rouge, I says, make up what dear, statements . Well. with her standing there need- ing nothing to complete the job ex cept a coat of varnish, a person would naturally expect that she would blush or something and maybe she did. it wasn’'t possible to tell. But she never even batted one of her artificial eye- lashes. What I mean is, she says. you bet- | ter take my advice my dear. and use every art the manufacturers has pro- vided, the men like the younger women. Of course I don't know from personal experience vet. she says. when I do need fixing up a bit, why I am gonner do so. Well, T walked home from that so. cial gathering and all the way I kept | thinking where George, that's my husband, certainly was right when he claimed a woman was better looking | wearing the face she was born with instead of trying to make a new one for herself. Those old girls certainly | did look terrible, pretty near any of them, and I determined to resign in advance from any chance of ever becominz a member of the Senior | Housewives Painting Union. I figured that just as quick as T reached home I would throw away my few little aids to beauty, I not having much, merely some lime crushed lemon face restorer, a few dozen Jjars of creams, a small but select collection of face powders, eye brow mowers, stencils, pencils, and a few boxes of rouge in different shades shopping. evening, golf, swim ming, and etc you know, just the ordinary things any lady would have. And I would get rid of 'em all, may. be sell them or see could I use them some useful way, such as for re. decorating the parlor or creaming Junior’s school shoes. And under no circumstances would I ever allow my but | self to look like one of them old Jazz belles. Well, when I come in, George wasn't home yet, only Junior, 8o this give me time to go take a look at the above mentioned art collection a little, and then I commenced to wonder just what to do getting rid of that stuff. Because if the neighbors was ever to see me putting it in the ash can why it would be all over town in no time that I used make-up. Then quite to the other hand, if I put it upon the top shelf some place, undoubtedly Junior would find it and maybe eat a few samples, you never can tell. There didn't seem to be no place to store the junk, and so 1 thought oh well, there is really no hurry, leave it lay a while. 2 x xS HEN I went in the bathroom and give my face one of the best washings it had been give since mother used the washrag on me. Con- ering how long it had been since I had used anything but a cleansing cream on it, {t's a wonder my face didn't shrink. But it didn’t, it shone instead. However. I knew that was natural, and my appearance was now exactly what Geo. was all the time picking on me to be. But someways this didn't give me a real enthusiastic thrill like I expected. If George really wants it, I thought, way I guess I can stand it. Anyways, I decided T would go through with the trial in spite of the evidence. Well, just about this time a car turned into the block and I knew right away it was our flivver on ac- count ours has the asthma, while the one belonging to the folks next door has the audible rheumatism or some- thing. And as Geo. put the Lizzy into the garage. I couldn’t stand the strain no more. I dashed on a bunch of face powder, a little lip stick and a few pounds of rouge, tucked my gray hairs out of sight, and run down to welcome him. Well, well, says he when he seen me, you sure do look sweet tonight, Jennie, as fresh as a rose. and you ain’t got any make-up on either, have you? Well, what is a poor girl gonner do Building of Home for $4.90 Is Described By One Who Has Followed the Best Models BY STEPHEN LEACOCK. WAS leaning up ag a loung suit which 1 st the man- | sut of old ice b | na | was seated at my | Touis Quinze tab- | which she had made of a nan Haddie fishbox 1en the idea | 1 bungalow came to both of us at | ne time. would be just vely if we could exclaimed Beryl, coiling herself ound my knee. “Why not?” T replied, lifti little by the ear. “With site taste— ‘And with you . my wif n a low ot out her up a your ex q knowledge of ma ial,” added Beryl, giving me a tiny ich on the leg. “Oh, I am sure we Id do it! One reads so much people nd furnishing Oh, do let Summer them for us try, We talked over night, and the next r ed forth to try to find a site yme. As Beryl (who was brim- | over with fun as the result of | all night) put it. “The first| next to noth Dogyard ‘NEXT MORNING WE COMMENCED WORK IN EARNEST.” z is to get the ground S fortune favored us. We had| I checked over Beryl's arithmetic t to the edge of the town |twice and found it stri tly correct. 'yl suddenly exclaimed, “Oh | . iy cyvard, look exactly | morning we felsiza¥cn e ot 3t ond afcleared away the cans and litter I v iN bt har e oty It had me |Set to work with spade and shovel reos om toand it wag covered witn |excavating our cellar and digging out ragged heaps of tin. cans. old news. | the foundations. And here I must ad- Daners Sn0 Btores: and bl Mt ot mit that Thad o lIgHE tasik. el only warn those who wish to follow Beryl's quick eye saw in our footsteps that they must be S e prepared to face hard work. Doty £ med, “isn-t it just |, OWing perhaps to my inexperience, Dogya red. Visn't It JUSt{i¢ took me the whole of the morning litter and plant a catalpa tree to hide | 52 'r';;l an s ‘;“{?' 4':‘_}:;29‘]1‘:3“'&";22 thie drickyacd and 5 tedge oL ‘,‘f"""'lnmn cleaned up the lot, stacked the nicus or nux vomica to hide the gravel |}, 15 JEEC U8 L0 15 Sicnes: and and some Dr flowers. to hide | WIERSC I(SC. BWEY S e was - the hedge. Iwish I had brought some | jineq to be a little impatient. But alpa seed, They row so quickly. |70 lged’ her that & contractor T e e Eronnar | working “with:a_seng of men' and And here a sudden piece of good |} OF h¥ fortune awalited us. It so happened | %0 (IRCE b IO that the owner of the lot was on the [T {i In one moralne. spot at the time—he was seated on a| 1 Sdmitied That Ty OrE WAt B0V stone whittling a stick while ve were | ihe weekly ‘home journals, where talking, and presented himself to us.|3" . ve “often computed that they After a short discussion he agreed 1o |,,:6° 100,000 cubic feet of earth in sell us the ground for one dollar in at least I was 3 ne dollar in {6 paragraph, but cash and fifty cents on a three-vear | gif PAMETAPL. Bt b RCC o TS mortgage. The deed of sale was writ- | Mt hointment never lasts, was all smiles ten out on the spot and stamped With [;ouin in 4 moment, and rewarded me a 2.cent stamp, and the owner of the pttT A TIGEC, & ok lot took his departure with every ex- [%;{HONINE herstl 2 1 will. And the 1 | That afterncon 1 gathered up all sense. of being own of jour OWN|{he big stones and built them into groundirendeced us both: Jubilant | walis around the cellar, with partition That evening Beryl, seated on her | jq geross it, dividing it into rooms little stool at my feet, took:a pencil |gng " compartments. I leveled the and paper and set down triumphantly {g,, 4nd packed it tight with sand statement of the cost of our bungid- |44 gravel and dug a drain 10 feet low up to date. 1 introduce it here as *p from the cellar to the gully a help to readers who may hope to fol- | §rob . 50 foet away, Jgyv 2 oux; footatey | There being still a good hour or Ground site it |so of daylight left, T dug a cistern Stamp for mortagege. 4 feet wide and 20 feet deep. I was looking around for something more to by moonlight. but Beryl put her foot down (on my head while I was ok there’s commenced the once. Dit, a whole week to do what Tolal cees four way I can| two or three teams of horses would | in the drain) and forbade me to work any more for fear 1 might be fatigued. Next morning we were able to be- gin our building in good earnest. On we stopped at the 13-cent store for necessary supplies, and bought one hammer, 15 cents: a saw, 15 cents; half a gallon of nails, 15 cents: a crane, 15 cents; a derrick for hoisting, 15 cents, and a needle and thread, for sewing on the roof, 15 cents. As advice to young builders, T may say that I doubt if we were quite wise in all our purchases. The 15-cent derrick is too light for the work, and the extra expenditure for the heavier kind (the 25-cent crane) would have been justified. The dif- ference in cost is only (approximately) 10 cents, and the efficiency of the big |erane is far greater. On arriving at our ground we were delighted to find that our masonry was well set and the walls firm and |solid, while the catalpa trees were well above the ground and growing rapidly. We set to work at once to build in earnest. L I WE had already decided to utilize for our bungalow the waste ma- terial which lay on our lot. I drew Beryl's attention to the fact that if a proper use were made of the ma- terial wasted in building there would be no need to buy any material at all. “The elimination of waste,” I ex- plained, “by the utilization of all by. products before they have time to go by, is the central principle of modern industrial organization.” But, observing that Beryl had ceased to listen to me, I drew on my carpenter's apron, which I had made out of a plece of tar paper, and set to work. My first care was to gather up all the loose lumber that lay upon and around our ground site ag it up into neatly about 20 feei long. Out of these I made the joints, the studding, the partitions, rafters and so on. which formed the frame of the house. Putting up the house took prac- tically the whole morning. Beryl, who had slipped on a potato bag over her dress, assisted me by holding up the side of the house while I nailed on_the top. By the end of the afternoon we had completed the sides of our house, which we made out of old newspaper soaked in glue and rolled flat. The next day we put on the roof, which was made of tin cans cut open and vounded out flat. For our hardwood floors, mantels, etc., we were fortunate in finding a pile of hardwood on a neighboring lot, which had apparently been over- looked and which we carried over proudly to our bungalow after dark. That same night we carried over jubilantly some rustic furniture ich we had found, quite neglected, lying in a nearby cottage, the lock of which, oddly enough, was opened quite easily with the key of Beryl's suit case. The rest of our furniture—plain tables, dressers. etc.—I was able to make from ordinary pine lumber, which 1 obtained by knocking down a board fence upon an adjacent lot. In short, the reader is able to picture our bungalow after a week of labor, complete in eve respect and only awaiting our occupants on the next day. Seated that evening in our boarding house, with Beryl coiled around me, I calculated the entire cost of our enter- prise—including ground site, lumber, derricks, cranes, glue, string, tin- tacks and other materials—at $4.90. In return for it we had a pretty seven-roomed house, artistic in every respect, with living-room, bedrooms, 2 boudoir, a den, a snuggery, a dog- gery—in short, the bungalow of which S0 many young people have dreamed. * ok o X EATED together that evening, Beryl and I were full of plans for the future. We both have a passionate love of animals, and, like all country-bred people, a longing for the life of a farm. So we had long since decided to keep poultry. We planned to begin in a small way and had brought home that evening from the 15-cent store a day-old chicken, such as are now so widely sold. ‘We put him in a basket beside the radiator in a little flannel coat that Beryl had made for him and we fed him with a warm mash made of breakfast food and gravel. Our printed directions that we got with him told us that a fowl eats two ounces of grain per day and on that should lay five eggs in a week. 1 was easily able to prove to Beryl, by a little plain arithmetic, that if we fed this fellow 4 ounces a day he would lay 10 eggs in a week, or at 8 ounces per day he would lay 20 eggs in a week. Beryl, who was seized at once with a characteristic fit of enthusiasm, suggested that we stick 16 ounces a day into him and begin right now. I had to remind her laughingly that Togo Delivers Impressive Lecture to Japanese Undertaker, Who Is Fleeing Crime—Changes His Tickets and Goes to Hollywood. BY WALLACE IRWIN. To Editor The Sta EAREST SIR:—Last Thusdy p.m. at very high noon Hon. Arthur Kickahajama, Jap- anese undertaker, had a mar- rlage to Miss Mamie Furioki where T was there to watch it. This ceremony collapsed in Kickahajama Undertooking Parlors because Arthur say it would cost merely nothing to be stylish there where chairs, music, pallbearers & etc are free with flowers i;price. Rev. Dr. Alexander Bunkio were officilating clergymen while Hon, Organ play “Too Late Too Late” which are Arthur's favrite him. When that were over & bride & groom were quazzling a glass of gin- wine, kindness of Luther Burbank Washa, Japanese bootleg, I led Ar- thur slightly aside to make a few con- gratulations of my ow “Arthur,” 1 say so, “when you have took your honeyspooning jurney to Detroit or other Love Hdartrs of America, we expect you come home & be very comftble with Miss Mamie Furioki, 1 have always said she were born to make some undertaker happ: “Thank vou severzl times." narrate Arthur with silk hat expression. “But we shall not come back to America some miore.” “Horrus!" I say it. “Where you ex pect go with yr Mamie (Mrs. Furioki) instead of here where you got busi- ness? You will return back Japan maybe?”’ “Could not do that, thank you. gy- rate Arthur. “Too many earthquacks & fires in Japan. If that country are not shaking up it are burning down.’ “But why you should not stay in America where fire insurance are bet ter if less of it?" T ask to know. “I tell you this, Togo,” he derange. “When persons gets married you must sippose something. You must sippose that baby come pretty soonly. If twins please multiply this figure by All right o. k. What happens to that children when he begin grow up? His mind get full of holes into which thoughts & Impressions come in. If he are surrounded by sins, then sins get it. If he are surrounded by sweet virtues then his head are all puffed up by that! Do you unstand what I are ling at? “Pussibly.” I negotiate. “So well!" decry Arthur. “Then I tell you. America are no place to 8row up a raising child. Read news papers, please, and see all crimes shooting everywheres. Rich hairesses leaves home to elope with plummers. Gunmen & gunladles r through streets holding up First Ntl Banks. Flap-girls goes to parties wearing gin tins in their hip pockets & look at murders! When Hon. Leopold & Loeb get through being mentally ill long come a stepfather with tyfoid germs in a bottle. No, Sir E! T shall not raze my boy or girl (depending on sex) in America.” * ox o % “WHERE you raise him, where?” 1 snuggest. “In England,” he peruse. “Why you choose that quant little kingdom?" I betr: “Because thus,” he define. “Eng- land are home of poetry, relidgeon & home cooking. England ‘are the resi- dence of primroses, fogs, beef out- doors exercise, coid baths, warm drinks, a one-armbase ball game called if any. in circumstances like them? Believe you me, all I could say was I'm glad you like me, dear, and he says, see now! I always told you, you got plenty of color of your own! And T thought, well, ves. and it's all paid for, too. But I didn't say nothing further about it. on account | ¥ou really wish learn about what hap. “IF YOU SHOULD GET OFF AT CHARING CROSS STATION WEARING A TURB Cricket, brave hunters & dumestick purity. In England they have no crimes & newspapers have to print Help Wanted Advtising on front page because there is no scandals to talk about.” “Who informed you about all this information?” I squizz. “A Englishman,” dictate Arthur. “I met him in a drug store yertdy cum- plaining because there was not enough gin in his soda water. He say that Americans is all hippocrites. He say | American are only fit for two (2) kinds | of Englishers—Rum Runners & Nov- elties. He ask me to look at Teapot Dome, if possible. Also he like to know what will happen to a country where you cannot pick up a news- paper withodt getting a divorce all over the front page? There are no divorces in English newspapers, he say so Arthur,” T corrode softishly, know why there are no divorces in English news-prints?” are helpless to rep! “Then I inform you.” This from me. “All English divorces gets in Ameri- can news-prints first. English jour- nals is very high & purified. They could not dare tell England what Eng- lishmen are doing because this would make evervbody blush too mush. If pen on that Island you must read novels, or else supscribe to American papers.” * ok ok % ARTH[‘R look sort of ziz-zagged to % where he see his Bride eating up some more ice cream, then he inquire ushy wisper like hushand. “What doing, please “Perhapsly you have not heard about Dennistoun case?” T inform. “What grand of whisky are tha he nudge wicked. “It is not whisky."” are a divorce.” “A divorce in England ? ? 2" gosp. T divulge. he what was the good to upset him any? As long as a good husband thinks he's getting it, why not give him what he wants? (Copyright, 1925.) “Yes & plenty.” T narrate. “Every- | body of umportance have been dragged into it, including Hon. Tut Ank-Amen Il soonly be unboxed & shipped gland 5o he can testify. “Maybe you did not heard about | that Mr. X case? Not 502" | “What are that?" He snagger faint. “Arthur, what do you read, if any.| thing?"” T ask it. “The Embalmer's Guide & Trade | Jrol." he deplete. | “Even there they should mention Mr. X for make funerals more lively, I | say so.” You know who this Mr. X were? He were the black colored king | from India what come to London mere- | 1v to get dissipated. Without knowing | nothing about the wicked world he look around wishing to deceive his tweive (12) anxus brides at home. Pretty soonly he meet a very Society lady who deliver some pretty mean eye winks. ‘I love you so that I could wear yr roval pearls,’ she pronounce with Romeo expression. This seem lisfastory. 'So just when that Mr. X had took a 2 1b ruby out of his turban what happen then? Her Husband, by golly | He just come in axidently because she had talefoned to him. ‘Burster of home?” he holla, ‘you have broke m heart with yr burnt complexion & winning ways. Therefore I will let, you go without telling yr 12 wives if You will pay me 2,000.000,080,0008 be. fore going down the fire escape. Otherwisely I shall get reel angry with you.” Therefore Mr. X ran away | & spoke to a police. * ok K ¢(GOSHES!" mummer Arth ‘What nationality were this King.” “Oriental,” 1 succeed. T are Oriental to he =i & grone You think they would watch when T arrive to town?"” “Undoubtlessiy,” I report. “You are not very hansom to ook at. But if you should get off at Charing Cross Station wearing a turban (or boudoir cap) I bat 28c you would be stopped by 18 love-bandits before you walked 8 ft down the Strand. Since the War England have got so wicked that Apatches is coming over from Paris me “Where she get all this sinfulness from?"” corrode Arthur. “From America. as usual,” T otter “America start evervthing & Burope use it when it are finished. Obse airplanes. Wright Bros. commenc America forget it, Europe use it. Look at Leg of Nations. T Wilson firs manufacture it, Congress chase away to Switzerland, Europe keep and make it run. Look at cc America teach England how to shook them up, then pass 50 that no body can get them unless he know a good prohibition officer. Same wa with scandals & divorces. America invented them & let them get away to Europe where they S0 i proved you wo for the origini Poor Arthur! Fr down so far T cou Dawes are those pages vice-president gimme cigareet w heesh in it.’ said the ing into the ballroom Page 1. Oh no, Art e might meet mone Artt “Yes!" grone mie With those wor nds right into our_honeyspoon? “But, do you walk of W gage are packed for Lo: “I go to change my tickets vamp. “O! To where? “To Hollywood,’ walk away fu she hang out. “why she turmp. to learn new style: (Copy Kindness Fails in Handling a Rat Family, So Drastic Methods Are Used by Lardner BY RING LARDNER. O the editor: On acct. of heing away most of the winter the undersigned* ain't _give his readers no Great Neck news for a long wile and it prob- bly seems even longer but any way it is high time that you folks was told what has been going on and am only sorry that they ain't room for me to put ‘in all the items instead of just these few. My admires will no doubtless recall that in my last report of home doings mentions was made of Ida leaving a plece of pumpkin pie on the top of the ice box one night with instruc- tions to me to not eat same when I come home on acct. of it being flavor- ed with rat poison. This may of led some of you people to think that possibly our little love nest as I call it might of maybe been infested with members of the rodent tribe. Well friends i that was your guess you certainly hit the nail on —_— at 8 ounces a day the fellow would probably be working up to capacity and carrying wi we call in business his peak load. “The essential factor in modern business,” T told her, “is to load yourself up to the peak and stay there.” In short, there was no end to our rosy dreams. In our fancy we saw ourselves in our bungalow, surround- ed by hens, bees, cows and dogs, with hogs and goats nestling against our feet. Unfortunately our dreams were destined to be shattered. Up to this point our experience with building our bungalow had followed along after all the b#st models, and had even eclipsed them. But from now on we met a series of disasters of which we had no warning. It is a pity that I cannot leave our story at this point. On arriving at our bungalow next day we found notices posted up for- bidding all trespassers and two sour- looking men in possession. We learn- ed that our title to the ground site was worthless, as the man from whom we had bought it had been apparently a mere passer-by. It appeared also that a neighboring contractor was making serious difficulties about our use of his material. It was divulged further that we had been mistaken in thinking that we had taken our rustic furniture from an empty cottage. There were people living in it, but they happened to be asleep when Beryl moved the furniture. As for our hen—there is no doubt that keeping fowls is enormously profitable. It must be so, when one considers the millions of eggs con- sumed every day. But it demands an unremitting attention and, above all —memory. If you own a hen you must never forget it—you must keep on saying to yourself—“How is my ‘hen?’ This was our trouble. Beryl and I were so preoccupied with our accumulated disaster that we left our one-day-old chick behind the radiator and never thought of him for three weeks. He was then gone. 'We prefer to think that he flew away. (Copyright, 10: | the hammer. But it turned out that rats won't touch pie since what the pied piper done to their grandparents. and the only casualty resulting from the above plot was a harmless little member of the feline specles. Not only that but when I and the madam returned last month from our sojourn in the synny southland as it has been aptly styled we was told by Ida and others that the rats had in- creased in population more than Miami and Los Angeles combined and this we was able to believe that same evening when they begun to resume their night life and we could hear them in the walls hurrying to the various rodent supper clubs. Well a little thing like rats making a noise in the walls was not going to bother a man like I a specially when I could drowned them out with the radio or any one of my numerable wind instruments. But one night I seen one of them in the master bed room as the master was preparing for bed and having been broughten up modest T thought it was adout time to_protest. “Rat,” I said, “I know you are hid- ing somewheres within ear shot and I want to appeal to your better na- ture and ask you and your friends and relatives to get out of here and move to Bayside or somewheres as 1 have all ready got enough of a family to feed without you fellows, to say nothing of the housing problem. I don't want to be tough on rats or anybody else but things has reached a pt. where either yolf or the Lard- ners has got to leave Great Neck and as we was here first I hope you will take the hint.” * ® k% EAN wile I was riding into N. Y. city one day and seen a big ad of a exterminator company which promised to clean out rats and other young visitors in 4 hrs. so I wrote down the phone number and waited developments, but the days and nights went by and they was reports coming in every few minutes from different members of the household that he or she had just saw another big rat and speaking about big rats, did anybody ever hear of anybody else seeing a small rat, but any way that was the way matters was when 2 things happened that forced me to action. One of the pieces of furniture in my room i8 a portable typewriter which you can carry it around with you when you are traveling and it makes it look like you have got a lot of baggage. Well these here portable typewriters always have a key that you can lock them up with for fear somebody would steal one of yout idears and the key is always tied onto the handle of the typewriter case with a ribbon. Well, one day I found the key lay- ing on the floor. A rat had chewed the ribbon fn 2 probably In a effort to unlock the typewriter and maybe write me a insuiting letter in answer to my appeal, but had been frightened off just as they was going to insert the key in the lock. Now if they's one thing I don't like it is for somebody else to use my typewriter a specially a rat. And! on this same day M: June Walker A “ONE NIGHT I SEEN ONE IN THE MASTER BEDROOM AS THE MASTER WAS PREPARING FOR BED.” the actress accepted a invitation to come to dinner and my admires prob- ably is aware, ‘she is about as big as an aspirin tablet, so I was scared that if we didn’t watch her all the time one of the rodents might walk off with her and we would be in wrong with Equity. S e So I called up the exterminators and sure enough one of them showed up right away and smeared all the cracks and crannies with the stuff that spells disaster to rats and I bet when they rushed out of the house in search of water they wished they had went when I first warned them and not waited for such a cold miserable da: Other news of our town is that the new station has now been in use for several weeks and it might be said that it waen't built any too soom. However it is a very handsome edifice and they have got a big bulletin board {n the waiting room and as our line is just a suburban line and the trains I8 always on time you might been suggested that the board be used to post the names of who all is going on the next train so &s you will know whether that is the train you want to take or not. 1 got 2 letters in the mail the other day and one of them was from a man in_ Philly who said he had a great title for a story and if T would send him some nominal sum like $50.00 for inst. why he would tell me the title and then I could write the story I did not reply to this big hearted stranger but I did answer a letter from a nature society asking me to become a life member of same which would_only cost me a $1000. I told them I was already supporting a par- rot in the style to which it had been accustomed and felt like this was all I could afford to do at this time for the genus bird. i 1 2 | The Radiocart Peddler. ‘THE radiocart peddler Germany, permits the customer to clamp on a headset from his in Berlin say, why they ain't no sense in post- ing them up on the board and It has )norluble radio operated from a prvh- art.