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In Which the Little Booster Works His Real Estate by Strange Methods. BY WALLACE IRWIN. Illustrated By Normam Anthopy. Drll ted. “T'l! round in an hour with a runabout bnm for twe beau at m; Ll uelllmld !r;‘ Cu:y P 'rompt to the mlnuta. Brian anve his hired car up to te. ~Mrs. Casey had attired hersel in an al- of ruffies. climbed her circular skirt like a winding staircase around the Tower of Babel. “I ain’t in style,” she announced, umidly straightening her tiny plush t, which perked up at the corners u. he manner of a Chinese pagoda. “Cheer up! You will be next year! her guardian reassured her. So they were off with a honk, Mrs. Casey in a palsy of nervousness, and Brian never looking up as they drove down the main street of San Bruno. digging a trench to bury the litter in the yard The doctor administered an opiate to tire-mother and left her sleeping. Two visitors, assisted by the smali boy, performed the labors of Her- ules {n making the place habitable. Brian held the paby in varions atti- snatch the baby from imminent death and set Brian to sweeping, repairing holes in the tent and splicing the clothes-line. Mrs. Casey, feeding the baby from a bottle, lavished upon it a thousand endearing terms in a voice no mortal had ever heard her use before. “Gee! you can talk the language.” sald Brian admiringly. “Th’ pity av It!" sighed Mrs. Casey. “Her a-layin' there starvin’ in th' midst av threasures!” over tothe car and find my gloves,” sald Brian. Then, when he was out of hearing, “Mrs. Casey,” he whis- pered, “do you know Why you'ré here?” “Yer car-r-r busted down an'—' “It busted accidentally on pur- pose,” he confessed. “I've got you ary Mother knows how I want to! “Mary Mother wants you to have *em, Mrs. Casey. But you're a blind and stubborn woman—now don't blow up till I finish my spiel. To spite the memory of Oscar Hansen you're making yourself and every one | else miserable. 1f you did the right thing by these purps you could send that boy to college: you could buy those two babies silk petticoats, give their mother a home with all the re- \ district of San Bruno as Brian stopped his car in front of a white stucca villa and rang at the oaken door. “Who's there?” The voice of C. W, Ketchum grated from above. “B. B. Blaney’s my name and every B in it stands for Business,” the voice from below bubbled. ) paca dress of other, slimmer days.|tudes, while Mrs. Casey W on this job because it's your last call| “Can’t your business wait till to- The sleeves clung sausage-tight to|clothes. and the boy turned the|to the kindergarten. Do you want|morrow?" her fat arme, and a complicated series | Wringer. Then Mrs. Casey would | to help these kids or don’t you?” “Sure. It can walt till Alton Park- You're- the one that's Brian started ers elected. got to get a move on.” to_stroll away. “Hey! Tl be down!” The Pig Booster himself opened the | door. He wore pink pongee pajama: | - “What's the fool proposition now? He rubbed his eyes. “A ten-day option on Mrs. Casey's | property at two hundred and fifty | thou’,” “announced Brian in a small tired’ voice. “What!" Ketchum's hands clutched “Them that has ain’'t got,” he|finements from Paris to plxnoln. But = e o AD Leonidas’advertised for a|was still at his window on the tenth |fon, whiszed less - num alx mt- 4 mmma. “But Clerks in ma Windows of various |, 1f I was Tich, what & home I coula | "*rWhat an T do?" sye asked hum- Know what I toid you the other day . lady helper to assist in de-|floor when the Little Booster came in. | from his right ear. teakeot! officgs exclalmed: *Mrs, Casey!" in ‘:Z:.;‘;“{'h““{:’i’ A0 thes mislh ohe iy, stting ithe slesping gixk. | =’ smoke you out of your property fending the pass at Ther- Ketchum, who was a fattish man with | smote him in the elbow. and Brlnn d.nn show his mushroom fs dread unison. C. Pitman Pike, stand- gfl_ shouldeer. aby savagely again °% x % % * |before you smoked the widow out o’ mopylae against any number of invading Persians, he could not the general appearance of an olds fashioned tragedian, looked up at Brian’s entrance and scowled. The two had not spoken since the day halted the advance long onouih to nurse his wounds and the advisability of carrying the dor by assault, denly | h door to claim th' hut v hu property from th® Widdy Case; “So that's why you won 't mel ! You're heldin’ on to spite Oscar.” Ing under the 1:“ sign bearing his name, dropped his cigar and forgot to pick it up. And in the office of the Sunland Improvement Company, “You'd be richer 'n Hetty if you sold your lots,” Brian hinted. ‘Yes. An’ if 1 cut off me feet I RIAN promptly unfolded a type- written paper before her eyes. | hers. Well, here comes the tar-boil- er!” ‘“What do you mean?" have done better than to have| WO Nad, mot when _hostilitie £This is an option on your proper-| “T'll sell you this option dirt cheap, 3 rupt discharge. ceased, and Casey, her great| +Ask me nawthi She made a sud- | C. B. Brinkhaus, president, rushed to |could walk on me hands,” she sniffed.| / > ! provided vou're a good boy and do chosen Mrs. Mary Casey. Also, she| “What were you mixing up in that|arms akimbo at her Droad WAISY, |den dash At u eudge o o o |the telephone. and shrieked - to hia | Then. as the child began to Jouble t¥. eale price two hundred and Aty LLUfOr ST 20t You o sit down ‘would have been useful for holding dridges with Horatius; for it was she who, by her single-handed prowess, held & gap between two tall buildings against the strongest army of real- tate speculators ever assembled in for?" asked the Big BooSter savage- ly, pointing to the blackened Scrap heap in front of the cottage below. “A couple o' hired gunmen were tryin® to smoke the old lady out of her home, and I did the Doug Fair- banks act.” sald Brian. - “Those gunmen were hired by me,” stood before him. 'wud be comin’ afther—* she i cried, “If I ain't been tryin’ to the only gintleman in San Bruno! “Mrs. C Brian b stana, ing within e came trickling through the chinks in the oven door. “And now I've burnt me cookies to a heathen sacrifice while ga! bin" IIGN for th' good ay nayther lv ut shy d. “Ghwan wid yes foor I th' cinders on yer red head! If you sold your lgts you oould ire a cook to cook your cookies,” Junior partner: “Blaney’s running off with Mrs. Casey. For gosh sake—"' Then he dropped the receiver, dumb with the thought that the precious widow had already disappeared in a cloud of dust wearing toward the declining sun. To avold publicity, Brian purpose- its fists and pucker its nose: 8] darlint chunk av moonbeam! Johnny, there’s a good boy, run an’ put an- other bit av wood in th’ shtove! They had supper on & box under the pepper trees. The doctor's medi- cine came from the village, an the moon rose over the sage, the thousand dollars. Sign here, please. Tonight I can offer it to any one of twenty dealers. “Will they take it?” “Will a cat steal fish?" Brian shook out a fountain pen. and write a letter to the Park Board, offering that park strip for six thou- dollara.” t's an outrage!” said Ketchum. it is. The strip’s only worth u three.” Ketchum went to a desk and wrote the letter to the board. y do of the city of Ban Bruno, state of Call- snapped C. W. Ketchum. “Keep your|a tree trunk, yet nmovln( his hat | oaid Brian blandly st the door. 1y took his course through bumpy |Y3lid awoke long enough to take a| «“For me bables!” whispered Mrs.| | 1 ke 1e wi < 3 th me,” said Brian, fornia. No name in the directory was | handa off. They're my gunmen—see? “I value' “A mother's shpankin' wud av little broth. she babbled | Casey, a8 she knelt under the candle | reaching for the letter. “The board more hated of land brokers than was bers, no ground more caveted than the 100x150-foot plot on which her tiny, shabby cottage crouched stub- bornly between those lofty commer- clll towers which, like fabled giants, suddenly risen out of nothing to overcome her. On the right it was the new Insoluble Trust bullding, on the left the sky-aspiring department store of Nathan Rosewas: ‘These buildings were the commer- cial pride of booming San Bruno: and that Mrs. Casey’s lot was wanted as the site of still more imposing structure was a secret so open that it was shouted daily over every other telephone in town. Yet Mra. Casey continued to raise chickens on her priceless holdings—two dozen scrawny lymouth Rocks, whose daily egg- songs vied with the click of type- writers in the offices on either side. Every little while some undiscourage: agent would enter her domain pre- pared to offer her as high as a quarter with considerable grace, and illusive by-paths. “He was good to me!" as she fell asleep. “Shpeakin’ av 'er husband! said Mrs. Casey, tears on her black lasher Brian took a list of household n cessities required In town; then he went over to his car and lit the head- lights® When he returned to the tent he saw Mrs. Casey's massive form crouching on a block of wood in the door. One hand rested protectingly on the cracker-box where the baby had been put to sleep. The little girl also slept, her blond, rather homely little face resting against the Irish- woman’s knee. The boy was arguing | the subject of bicycles, man fashion. “Johnny, see how fast you can run light and affixed her scraggly signa- ture. She was sllent like the southern child, she followed Brian out to the ear. He took his place at the wheel “Be th’ way, what's th’ name o' that sick woman in there?” she asked in a low tone. “She’s the widow of Oscar Hansen,” | said Brian distinctly. “God’'s will!" whispered Mrs. Casey ‘\as she turned away. The little girl, f waking, threw her arms around the big woman's neck. Lights glimmered from bedroom windows in a prosperous residence | stars as, still carrying the sleeping | meets tomorrow at ten. “I'll get Rob- bins to rush it through, and when the bill of sale is in my hands, I get my commission—ive thousand dol- ars | . “You might trust me a little,” said | the Big BRooster. “I might,” agreed the Little Boost- | er putting the letter safely away. Ard next day, after the deal was closed ~for all parties, Ketchum handed Brian his commission, and laughed in rare good humor. “You might have asked five times that amount.” “I know,” rippled the optimist, “but I got my money's worth.” SOME CIGARS WOULD CURE-ANY SMOKER| you wouldn't have time to smoke more than eight or nine of them per day. Whereas two or four pills bo- fore breakfast ain't nothing you might say and between then and bed time you can easy get away with forty or fifty and when you go to bed you don't no sooner get to sleep of a million dollars for her place: than yo e and, like the hero in the ballad, said n(fihln’g Ilpu‘;a 5 “l’;ar‘?(ndln":;{ep'%':l: agent would always “walk right In, another pili, till it gets so as the * and turn right round, and walk right out again.” If he did not walk, he ran; for Mrs. Casey waa taller and broader than most men, and at short range her dishpan was a deadly ‘weapon. +he could have murdered the big Intimate Details of the Life of An Author Who Got a Strangle Hold on night is divided into twenty-four shifts {of twenty minutes each, which you sleep one shift and smoke one shift and vice versa. ‘ So friends and readers, I cut out the arettes and have took up the C. W. Ketchum, from his window L N' i cigars and that is all they is to the on the tenth floor, cast an evil eye y 1cotine. story of how 1 win my battle with upon the widow's roof. He knew 3 j the lady Nicotine: only 1 might add how to clear half a million by buy- \, ‘ {that the first two da under the ing that lot within thirty days, and \“\ \ BY RING W. LARDNER. shop floor and probably tasted the' regime I didn’t hardly cough woman for her mulishness. Like many another great sinner,” he was eager stone-thrower. He hated Mrs. Casey’s stubborn resistance; yet his own dog-in-the-manger attitude concerning the sgle of certain prop- erty to the City’ Park was common talk among the honest boosters. But it was Ketchum yearned for Mrs. Casey’s lot with a great passion, he resolved to make life so miserable for her thll she would have to move. ‘Blaney happened upon hor wr ecu- tions. Anybody would have noticed Brian « crossing Central Square that morning, B A - ) *\\\\\\l\mmmmnu,n..l..l i O the editor: I don't expect no coupons from the cigar stores for writelng this here Jetter but a man has got to write about something and if such famous men as Irving Cobb and Samuel Blythe sees fit to bare their | soul in confidential articles like how | I got skinny aid how T quit cock- tails and etc. why I guess it is O.K. for a man like I to tell the story of how I conquered my lady Nicotine a speclally as it scems to me like this same. v ‘Well, it ain’t my intentions to bore the reader with a history of the dif- ferent articles I smoked but sufficient to say that by the time I was takeing 2 or 3 pills before bre fast wile dureing the of the I didn't play no favorites but ed in home mades-and T and pipes and cigars in wha der they come handy znd nobody L to rack thelr brains to tr up what to give me for xm: Well 5 or 6 yrs. on acet. of my palate being . but now 1 am hitting again on four cylinders, an don't wake up no more in the night because in order to do that it is first necessary 10 2o to sleep. RING W. LARDNER. Great Neck, A 19, The Flying Salesman. Tm: loa of establishing a serv- the airplane is used »ndising, ad- iistributing has because he wore a suit that rivaled |too long and kept tickleing me. £o 1 in'o a practieal the bluesay in its vivid coloring. In subject must be of greater gen. int.!enipped off % of it and for il @ R ecipand his pocket he caressed his last hun- than the other 2 as I belleve they's know he has still got his 50 per zed the way to idred dollars, the rest of his profits on_ the Healthy View sale having faded into Utopla Addition. He was thinking hard. Being in love, in- stinct urged him to ask an uncertain question of a certain girl. Then he fingered the sparse currency between “his thumb and forefinger, and pon- dered the fallacy of matrimony with- out patrimony. “Somp'n burnin’.” said Brian, sniff- ing the odor of hot rags. Looking across the square he saw a vast smudge of oke rising from the street and pouring through the gut between the Insoluble and the Rose- wasser buildings. A woman's voice ‘hurled invective in the tone of out- —not yours. That Casey woman f{s driving me to distraction. I offer her two hundred thousand for the piece— what does she say?” Ketchum arose and pressed his nose almost against Bria: ‘What does she say?" he repeated. “Says she won't sell for a quintril- lion dollars. Why? Because, for- sooth, she wants land to raise hens it's sacrilege! To main- p on a lot where there might be a natlonal bank building “Se you're trying to smoke her your appreciationt He picked up the mop and handed it to h Ye're Irish, God bless ye! sald Mrs. Casey, accepting the weapo! “My name ia Brian Boru Blaney, sald he. “The greenest blood of Ire- land flows through my veins. My mother was a Casey and I won't go home till I've had a talk with you. “Come In," cried Mra. Casey, open- Ing wide the door. The room he en- tered was a broad, neat redwood kitchen. An advertimement represent- ing 8 pretty child playing with a wi saved yer manner: WHEN BRIAN RETURNED WITH A DOCTOR FROM THE VILLAGE, HE BEHFLD A STRANGE SIGHT. " she sniffed, as she dumped a pan of blackened cookles out of the window. Brian dashed down D street and bolted up the courthouse steps and into the hall of records, where the archives of every deed and misdeed of every citizen in the city and county of San Bruno were filed away in funereal pigeonholes. To seek for the name Hangen over the gceu ulated records of. fifteen years. weuld have required a week of diligence. He delved steadily in dust between the hours of eleven and three; then he “Th’ Inside av_me is churned en- tirel; moaned Mrs. Casey, holding o! “It gives you that wealthy feeling,’ replied her escort at the wheel. “There do be some pleagures in poverty,” she philosophized. But as they swung into the smooth state road she expanded into smiles, her face assuming the hypnotized ex- pression pecullar to the chronic mo- torist. The ocean breeze stirred old desires in her heart. She pointed out a broken wharf where her husband had taken her to fish in their courting more people wants to quit smokeing than wants to get thin or dry. But in writeing this article T will half to ralse the veil of secrecy in regards to some of my most intimate details which I ask the readers indulgents in advance for same. Well friends I did not begin smoke- ing till T was 9 yrs. old and kind of went at it slow even then as I had |and I will furnish his name and ad- dress to bona fide eollectors. | Well as a person grows older they learn that the secret of happiness in this life is_making the best of what you have got and it wasn't long till T found out that I could cough just as good with oniy % a palate and T Joyed myself that way for 6 or 7 yrs more and then seen a throat special ist and he says it was the tonsils so been warned that smokeing would I give them to him but kept the 8fufu : witl handis- 4 when the plane advertisine :ch selliue centers st in taking the place of the old-time traveling sales- man. | The popular idea of advertising via the airplane has always been the paint- { ing of trade marks and trade names on | the plane itsclf. - But. this acrial sales - will d:mons e all articles can be assoc! with the air- flying boat, motors and acces- out? inquired Brian, lighting one of Ketchum's rather offensive cigars. “In the last three weeks we've done evervthing short of burning the house to convince her that this is not homelike nelghborhood. We've hired the janitor of the Insoluble to dump dust and tin cans from the roof into cake of soap pinned to a beam beside the window. An insurance lithograph showing an impossibly 1deal- ized infant picking dalsies occupied a place of honor over the stove. “Have a coaky!" Mrs, Casey prof- fered a wooden bowl fllled with crisp, replicas of a batch now This is done by the airplane nan flying over a route, laid out | by a sales director, and stopping at the ‘-H\lrlhuun; centers to create interest {in his demonsiraiion of the ariicles to | be merchandised by the local merchant and jobber. u The traveling salesman used to drop door suffrage oratory. “They'se smokin’ Mary out again,” said Policeman Jomes of the park squad. “I don't hear any riot call. Are y' blind on that side?" asked Bria “It's off me beat,” replied Jom re- treating with that alr of virtue abruptly gave up the long search -and turned to the coroner’'s office, where he sought the mortuary flles under the charge of Bill Hedge, the deputy. The courthouse clock pointed three- thirty when Brian, archipelagos of (°and shot wan o dust smirching the oceanic blue of his new Norfolk coat, repaired, to the days. A flock of pelicans swung across the mists in imitation of a Hokasal_print. “I well remimber th' time me hus- ‘thim _bur-r-rds “Somethlnt‘l wrong with the en- The car peculiar to policemen in New York. Sodom and other centers of graft and culture. Brian pulled his green velvet hat over his eyes and raced across the juare in the direction of the smudge. ‘The gap between the two vast build- “ings formed a natural flue which drew the smoke straight across Mrs. Casey's house. A viclous circle of spectators had formed about the small but exciting drama, framing a ple- ture which Brian saw from an elbow space in the front row. her yard. We've had the drayman from Rosewasser’s store load crates against her fence, so she can't get in or out. In mending our mains we've — accidentally — shut off her water supply. One of our agents thought of the bonfire heme."” Ketchum chuckled in the manner of a stout and well-fed Cassius. “It wasn't our fault, was it, that the board of health selected the spot in front of her house as a trash crema- torium ‘Gee!"” almost whispered Brian Boru. ginger lnwl! Brian seized mourned Mrs. Casey, sitting ponde: ously in a kitchen chair and cover- ing her red hands with her apron. “Lonesome I am—the persecuted v wid niver chick nor child Eho ralsed both hands to the ln'- erin, yscrapers on either side. lmAnd of hlck tered Snall! scientiously ‘Tony, the bootblack. rl wearing a red hat en- Pompeian Ice Cream Parlors across the way. “I dldn’t come here to take a bath, saild Brian to Tony, sponging who was con- a sleeve. ‘Gimme six sings with the broom and turn me loos * Betsy Spencer was at the Pom- peian’s cash window, searching her purse for the price of an ice cream. A blue sleeve crossed her shoulder and deposited a fifty-cent piece. gline,” said Brian grimly. was noticeably slowing down. A few hundred yards ahead appeared the deso:ate boxlike shantles of = Ocean Terrace. They were approaching an untidy, ragged tent which stood, like! the outcast of beggars, a respectful distance from the settlement. The car stopped dead. "“’hal! the matter av it?" asked Mr 'Dlflerenllnlu tangled in the hub.” sald Brian vaguely, gaging into the hood. into a town and open up his trunks at the largest hotel, but the fiving sales- nan creates interest by flving over a i or town, where he visually demon- { strates the merit of his wares to the | public. distributor and merchant. The l { advantage of touching about three cities a day with this quick method of transportation is a strong argument in favor of the airplane as a means of | reaching the largest number of mer- chants with the greatest amount of free advertising and publicity which the flying salesman is bound to obtain. A ‘And you call yourself a booster! A ere 1 set in me withered home |*"i a Brian to the| TWo towheads peeped curlously out Lieut. W 5 with e rkman. Eolng about 1t feila ilke you's enough to drive the |between thim divil's orags like & siok | casnion. ' o from 'a 'flap” in the tent beside. the | pnar o i et meevics : performing a sacred rite. stood shov- | tourists back to Los Ange! clam In the Glant's Causeway. Wirra | " “welit You take a lot for grant. road. A baby's cry could be hear thought of it before, especially in tried to look severe nte: 3 upon beating thegnext man to it gther workman, smoking a plne. 5t0od | ifn @ minute” said the Little chenkaruf‘ callco ot to take you some way,” re- |Casey rapturously. “Come here. child- | Siine the! fene Bt Spot Bor & amusingly receiving the volleying abuse that flamed from the lips of a huge Irish woman who carried a bucket in either hand, setting one .down occasionally to add a telling gesture to some lofty flight of bil- lingsgate. “Look at him, wud ye, th* dirthy W. W.—too lazy to raise th' hand av him to honest worrug, so he must ‘be afther buildin’ foires on th' dure- step av a lone woman. Take that §rin off yer mug!" * k k% MRS CASEY suddenly reached for the offending grin, and came sufficlently near the mark to knock the workman's pipe several feet across the cleared space. (Laughter and applause.) “Who_sint ye here on this divil's errand?” she demanded. “Orders from the board of health, ;Id sald the workman, mending is_pipe. "lgn board pntho\uel. e mean! now who's back o' job— Knchum ln ' Sellers, bad ceu to ther black sowls!” Her red forefinger pointed to a gilt @sign on the tenth floor of the In- solubl “May the mold rot ther dirthy money an' th’ itch come to thim that counts it!" she shrieked. And as a sort of emotional climax to her curse she seized a bucket of the nearest workman. Taking ad- , water and turned it over the head oll | vantage of the confusion, she made for the fire with the other bucket, and was about to empty it when the second workman jumped forward and defended the sacred flanfe with a .shovel held bayonet fashion. Mrs. " Casey gripped him by the hair, the workman rapped her knuckles with the handle of the shovel, and the crowd laughed. Brian Boru Blaney, a bright-hued streak of wrath, shot forth from the crowd and wrenched the shovel from the man’s hands. The embattled foe- men stood aghast at this unexpected appearance of the Blue Knight. “Loek here, Neroo,” said he, his Celtic eyes showing gun-metal blue s he held the spade like a base ball a convenient distance from the ‘workma; nose, “I guess this bur- lesque show's gope about an act too far. Chuck the floule on Little Vesuvius, Mrs. Case; “God bless ye Iur 3 man!” sobbed the fat woman, the water struck the udge with a great hiss. the boss’s orders, wuned the out!" suggested Brian, ing the man’s chin with the cut- ting edge of the tool. '!’hs workman looked around for his companion. He was gone. So he withdrew in a flame of prol’anny. ile the crowd giggled. QT soft bunch o’ rubber, ain’t vou!” sneered the Little Booster to ihe audience in general. re’s a rale gintleman alive— be praised for th' miracle! The big woman advanced on Hrian with arms outstretched. His blushes Ting e iy Sl 2 ca) roug! —— to the offices .’ Ketchum & B, Ketchum, thy BiF Boosten says. As Mrs. Casey had never given any sane excuse for resisting thedl offers of plutecrats and sticking to her miserable hut, Brian set forth to find an explanation; and he took the most direct course by applying to Mrs. Casey herself, out misgivings that he swung the little picket gate between ‘the two skyscrapers dwarfish house. he was no match for the Amazon who had scalded many ambassadors from rival mourning-bands around the ey seyeral more. 7 when he observed a padl front door of the cottage; but a pun- gent smell of baking lpurilld him of the worst: Mra Casey home. garden in the sideyard, he startlied half a dozen hens out of their fore- neon_repose. in hll tracks. Booster, shifting the cigar to the other side of his mouth, but making no other move. © “I suppose you got lots of time, now you're out of a job,” Ketchum said. Job.” “I ain’t out of & “What darn fool are you workin’ for now?" “Mrs. Casey,"” replled Brian ealmly. “She don't know I'm working for her, but I am.” “I hope you'll begin by teaching her some public spirit. For the selfish |8 whim of & female mule, she’s block- ing the progress of the whole town. It's a hold-up. ‘She ain't got a corner on the hold- up business.” Erian suddenly stood and leaned over Ketchum. “Now look here, old kiddo, I happen to know that you're tryin' to hold up the park commission for fifty thousand dollas on six lots that ain’t worth three. Be- cause the city wants that strip for thelr new gateway on Ocean boule- vard, you think you can stick 'em like a porous plaster. You're spoilin’ a public park by your graft—but I ain't goin’ to let you do that. Before the week's up I'll make you give that | g, to the city for what it's I do with my property is none o' your business,” snarled the Big Boost: “That's just what the ‘Widdy Casey Unreasonable woman! But be- fore you smoke Mrs. Casey out of her lots I bet I smoke you off your park property so hard you'll be spittin’ cinders the rest o' your natural life.” “Dream on, Nemo!"” quoth the Big Booster sweetly, as he shoved the Lit. tle Booster out Iinto the hall and locked the door on the inside. * ¥ ¥ x It was not with- and approached the In physique he knew real-estate dealers and put of He was rather yelleved, indeed, lock on tne was at Passing through the scraggly “Who are ye?’ suddenly inquired a harsh contralte from the sereen doo! ‘A friend,” said Brian, halting dead y- & real-estater?’ "Y 'Th'l lMt for m M‘WNN" Gripman’s Unlion te stand for th' groom. It was Wedpesdah marnin' whin along | b comes Hinry Esgan wid & face longer n’ me father's chimney. he says, wo-r-r-r-st.” ‘1 am that' says I, Tm rreparin’ to flt married.’ ‘Naw, yn ain't,’ says L At 'hleh wr-r m- Eagan - Oscar Kilt-roof Trolley's W married be th' ron. Brian rose and laid a lvmnltgulo hand on her loo bad,” he satd. “But you're nlnyln' an awful long shot, Mrs. Casey—a million to one against you. But it means a fortune to you tomorrow if you move. Why don t yflu beat it for pastures new?” " Mrs. bounced to her feet, a molmuln of indignant fire. “Niver 'Ill 1 move—not till thnlr feet rot away in', D‘n think I'd sell out an’ Sfin inavian wade, th' lll|( 6' me Pm “Who's the BScandinavian Bwede?” :'Aked Brian, leaping to the crucial ques- on. e a gintleman, thot in a bufl business,” answe: Mrs. ey. that token, I'll tell ye what no m-n knows. . Biventeen years ago I was mar- ried he th’' priest to wan and come to live in this house. l‘l‘!\n was a man except whin dhrunk, which was most o’ th’ ume Five yur- we lived wllhollt cllflflq l" day Martin, who was d n:.-nrnklln'un —more shame to th' vlv.her'—lell from th’ seat an' expl in his alcohol.” Mrs. Casey retty child in the adverts lled her eyu. alcol at the ng placard. ““What had I dome, that th blissed Vlrgln sint no child to me bosom?” she cried. “In thim days this house stood in th’ midst o’ flelds. I owned no more than th’ lot I live on, wid th’ little shack out hack, now used as a hincoop. Wan day along comes a leu. ame av Oscar Han- sen, a whit lvl! lv l lundmme Swade, thin 'ol'fllkfll th’ San Pedro trolley. Th' lhu:k wh mr? hlm; now rgo'z 1 lg d:;lm for th' price of wan hundhre: lars—great wealth to me in thim days, Th' deed fer th’ whole lot was still in me name, but we made a conthract ba th’ h we was to th' profit half an’ it Yle iver lold lL ln 'Ill.! dld Dmt me, wid his chlnl hlun eyes an' wmta heart, fool that l 'Il for lovin' Bewal me lad!" said Mrs. “ME an’ Oscar was to wed. on & Thuradah, Hinry Eagan av th' ‘Mrs, Casey,’ says he, ‘prepare for th' yerallt," 3 tands !'lnln rusty | v bis cos 'll's‘ Casoy,’ ‘ll lll '-h' tnnh ye lnun off last t wid bllcuit-nhoom Bk butts he, ‘ears again | auto. "Your auto?” qui h-‘ Track of & e diplomaey, complished by laying sle better nature. T plied get riage——" 'Wl might as well sit down, rian humbly. “Besides, you can fce creams for two bits in th|a joint—total saving, a nickel. That just shows the economy of mar- l( you're going to begin an argument Betsy, cro tables. followed by d over to one of the wire-legged her admirer, “How's your grandpa?” he asked. “He spends all his time now hang- ing around Healthy View. The old- age cranks there are thinking of run- ning him for mayor.” . Brian finished the last morsel of his ice and scraped the dish enthu astically. However, he was. lookln; at Betsy most of the time, “Just sweet enough to take the ehill oll I he he said. ‘em t] replied. 'h.n th.y got black about your height.” “Smarty!"” her gloves. att “lend. “S8ay—goin’ home now? “Yes. Grandpa's waiting for m Let me take y' out in my Her look was cyni- Come on. She began buttoning t way, don't you?' “Especially s and stand I gof te look up a certain party at Ocean terrace, less 'a crow’'s hop trom where you live.' “You don't expect (o find lnyhndv alive in Ocean terrace, do you?”’ “I hope_not. i ’: be too dead to suit me. for can’ ‘The_fel 1la l'm lookin® “I dom't know as I care to ride with lllch & cannibal.” to go with him, she put on an air of extreme indifference. “I nef sald ed your -dvh:e, urlou big be: Being crasy girlie,” he 'm on the Sn he led her to the leorty garage and put her board an iron-gray roudltor with ats for two. ‘The coaxing out of Mrs. Sas , dur- ing the few days following, was & prace: Althot involving much round-about which Brian finally ac- to her ugh sh ad known few children in the flesh, her love of childhood as an idea amount- ed to a monomania, So Brian called !nqncntly. bearing gifts catering to )nr Ilv ng weakness. ntatious gilt-frs llhled “Tiny Toddlers.” Ofice it was chromo Brian pa- ntly scanned the daily pnper- for “. lt'uy ings of children with which s conversation. * ¥ ¥ % to interlard Mu Casey's ggrrulity, corked up for years, gushed forth in a flood of complaints and confidences. At “Wimt you she moaned. “California last,” when she lamented her sleep- less nights and fits of depression, Brian saw his chance, and ‘said fresh air. “Fresh air don't cure a sick heart™ need’ air'n cure anything th from corns to cancers” he replied with “Come, take a jog in my er, an’ talk to yer Aunt Mary! A barefooted boy of about ten ap- proached the car and turned a pair of scared blue eyes upon the big womas “Ma’ ful sick,” he sald; pointing “lto the tent. Brian jumped suddenly and knocked his head against the flap of the hood. “Sick!” said Mrs. Casey, getting down ponderously. he's got a little baby, an’ she was took -with a spell when she got up to do the washin’, an’ pa's dead. “I'll run and hustle a doc. ex- claimed Brian, cranking up the sup- posedly helple: car and starting away in a miraculous jJiffy. The boy took Mrs. Casey's big red hand and led her into the tent. A thin woman lay moaning on a confused pile of bedclothes in a cor- ner. A very small girl was attempt- ing to lift a red-faced bundle of squalls, while the boy stooped to tuck 8 blanket around his mother. “Doctor!” said the woman faintly, as Mrs. Casey leaned aver her. “There’'s wan on th’ way, dalrle. the widow reassured her. as she raised the woman's head on the pil- an‘v and nrnnzed her faded yellow air. v .k WB:EN Brian returned with a doc- tor from the villgge he beheld a strange sight—Mrs. Casey heating water on a stove “in the yard, while with her good right forearm she sup- ported a sleeping child against her broad bosom. “Thie place makes the fresh air smell kind o' clos said Briam, in- dicating the rubbish that surrounded the tent. “A widow with three kids— down and out—ain't it flerce!" “Ther’s groceries in the cupboard, Mrs. Casey informed him., “But what ‘l‘;-’ these cherubs know about cook- Brlln handed two dollars to the uah the. milk can to the gro- he said, ‘“and brace Heinie Schmals for a dogen lamb chops.” ‘The doctor, with the usual offended alr of needy country doctors on ity cases, emerged from the tent, “Why won't these women stay un- der orders?” he snapped. “Out of the county hospital three weeks—wh; does she want to get up'and do & day’s waghing for?' “Because she g‘ id the doctor dryly. ‘T den 't think she would have enouy, to eat, except for an order of groger- ies some one sent lter from town last ‘week. Her husband was drowned off the wharf Fourth of July. At sny rate, she's got to in bed and be nursed for a menth, unteared. “You're on!” said Brian, “T'll have & word 'luu Jou sbout the case,” remarked doctor, beckoning Mrs. Casey inu the tent. "rw-n‘ya-m acres of Hp- tin met!” ‘-' = hm:m up’ an nlfl llov and as _he Dtln © fiiss | bagco IF I HAD NOT OF SMOKED A'l' ALL I WOULD NOW BE HOLDING A - LUCRATIVE POSITION W stunt a person’s growth and I might say here that if that is true, why if Thad mot of smoked at all’I would now be holding a lucrative position with Ringling’s circui Most men of 9 yrs. old that raised in small towns begins the! career of crime with a pipe load of corn silk, but ¥ started right in at the top with my father's cigars which on acct. of him haveing a whol of them I did not think he would ITH RINGLING’S CIRCUS. cough. A few dhys after this opera- tion which I won’t go into the de- talls of it the bird that had minist- ered the ether come to see me and asked how many cigarettes did I smoke a day d I told him 50 and he says it ain't none of my business but if I was you I would quit before I got the habit. So at this time we had a Dr. write- ing health articles for the paper and he didn't charge nothing for advice to fellow employs so I asked him if they was anything that would help 2 person to qu uit smokeing and he says to go to a drug store and buy some gentian root and whenever I felt like smokeing, to just chew a little of that instead. = Well friends maybe some of you have tasted gentian root but if you haven't I would advice you to try it. It won't cure you from the tobacco habit but it will fix you S0 your Mrs. can serve quinine for denert and you will wonder if she has bought a bee. * % * ¥ Wm things went along till about a year ago when a friend of mine that had also whooped it up a kind of tobacco that you could smoke as many cigarettes as you wanted and not cough your head off ln 1 give it & trial and it was just he said. Only they wu a slight duwbuk namely, that the ashea on these kind of cigarettes don’'t half to be knocked off but they fall off themselves and they never light no- wheres but on your pants leg, and when they light they stay lit and by the time you have smoked thése cigartetes a week your clothes is as salesman to drive up in an automobile or come on a Pullman to see the man- agers of selling and distributing or- ganizations is no longer a noveity and { does not create an exceptional entree. But when a salesman lands on the municipal fiying field and goes to the office of these men and says: ‘I have flown up to see yos with this article instalied on my motor,’ he will at once make an impression that is most de- | sirable. “Automobiles have long been used by salesmen for advertising motor ac- cessories and there is no reason why the airplane should not give a newer and much stronger argument in prov- ing the merits of the devices. There is no better way to win the attention and confidence of a man you want to n a device than by demonstrat- to him actually working on the plane, for mo one wants to take a chance a thousand feet in the air un- IE?; everything is tuncuonln: prop- o |Beware the Indian Turnip If you are walking through woods with a country cousin and he pulls up a plant which he calls an Indian turnip and asks you to taste it, pass Don’t bite. The Indian turnip ha: been famous for three hundred year: jodd as the hardest biter and mos! vicious stinger in the vegetable king dom. It bears the same relation t« the world of plants as the hornet yellow jacket, wasp and bumblebee d¢ to the world of insects. Every country boy and every coun- try girl knows the capacity of the Indian turnip to make trouble i wrongfully used, and an uncountable number of city boys and city girls on visiting the country have been intro- duced to the horrors of the Indian turnip by mischievous country boys and girls. For those persons who have never met the Indian turnip, which grows plentifully in the woods about big cities, the explanation should be made that it is the hottest for several years, said he had found |y salve, a balm, by compaison with the In- dian turnip. If one with a sensitive mouth and a sore throat should take a good gulp of tobacco the sensation would: be pleasing and comfortable compared with the effect produced by biting off and chewing a small piece of Indian turnip. Poison Sumac. There are a great number of mem- I STARTED RIGHT IN AT THE TOP WITH MY FATHER’S CIGARS. et miss & coyple a day but he found IG out some way another and him and I had a meeting and I give in on a uple minor points amongst which was that I would quit smokeing if he would guit acting that way. So I lived -pretty clean for 2 and the hoxlfi again but this time it was cu- finely eltmtul whlch 1 rouod my own with of to- 1s m out % full of holes as an ocarena. Well friends, I would rather cough ay through life than go around !ook ng so porous so I went back to the ready-mades and stuck with them till this last June when I got the big idear which was to not try and quit smokeing entirely but cut out the cigarettes and smoke nothing but eigars on the grounds that you wouldn't smokes near so udllte for Iul't-. you wouldn’t be llb l breakfast or ml“glldflc of the night or dnrm“ turn r out between acts .filfl‘ to bers of the sumae family and you know them because they are among the conspicuous things in the land- scape, and especlally plentiful along the roadsides. You have oftem been attracted to them by their wine-col- ored or erimson panicles or pyramids edmposed of small berries and by the scariet foliage in autumn. One of the sumacs, sppropriately called “poison sumac,’ just what its name indi- cates. It infects a vietim by contact after the fashion of poison ivy. The berry clusters of this sumac do mot U.B"‘ -%