The evening world. Newspaper, November 22, 1922, Page 28

} Every Day a Real Laug % Good & Evening By Bide Dudley Wopyright, 1922 (New York Pvening World) ‘by Press Publishing Co. Life. (One View of It.) If I could only, only do All things ! want to do, {The life | live would e’er possess A very rosy hue. nd when my time had come to die 1 wouldn't want to go. I'd hate to leave 'so fine a world, 'Twould break my heart, | } know. (Another View.) Tf I could only, only do All things | want to do, In just a little while this life Would offer nothing new. *Twould pall on me, I’m very sure, Without more worlds to lick, And when the summons came to go I'd leave here mighty quick. OBSERVATIONS. With his boxing license revoked, Biki will sell shoe-blacking instead of eye-blacking. The Bronx Zoo baby giraffe was the longest infant ever born there, yet it didn’t live long. “I'm a babe!” shouted Clemenceau when he met the venerable Chauncey Depew. But, of course, he isn't THE Babe. “We're all well and happy,” (he Bultan’s wives wirelessed him yester- day. We imagine the “happy” part was a bit disturbing. Mussolini says the United States must become a better mixer, Impos- sible! Circumstances make us gulp it down straight these days. Highway Rhymes. On Madison are many banks And shops that make the husbands cranks. Antiques the women purchase theré, White bankerolls vanish in thin air. ICE-CREAM ARTHUR’S LOVE {An excellent story to be read aloud to the babies at Sandman time.) She Anna saw the jig was up. knew if the widow married, her husband would squander her gold, which bad been recovered from the cave of the Hole-in-the- Wall bandits. But what could she do? She decided to question Mrs, Poppoloppovitch, the un- fortunate woman. “Widow,” said Anna, “must you marry that man’ “Oh, go slap a toad!” said the widow. It was enough. Anna turned on her heel and sum- moned Arthur Wow. “Arthur, do you love me?” She,.was asking him it. “Sure!” “Bat I hear you are to marry the widow.” “That was when I was a poor boy. Now I am a rich boot- legger and shall not wed her.” “Then she may keep her gold? “Oh, sure! I'll get it all. She's one of my customers.” :, Anna gave a shriek of Joy and fell on his neck, “Then we shall be niarrled to- morrow,” she said. Arthur turned and ran. Anna ¢rew her automatic and shot him down. Next she shot the widow, her three children, Sheriff Bangs, the iceman and a do; “Well,” she said, all for the best.” And as the azure sun bowed its lovely head into the fastness of the hills she started for the meeting of the Sewing Circle to hear the gossip of the day. It all seemed so absurd (The end.) THIS AND THAT. Why is it so many people refuse to take our candidacy for the Presi- dency seriously? This country needs a strong, energetic handsome man in the White House.. He must understand home-brewing to keep the influence of the wets and must be a good fox-trotter to held the femate vote. We never should have entered the race had we not con- sidered ourself eligible. Therefore ‘we usk the people to believe us when ‘We say we are out to win, Read this rhyme, written by the 86th Streét Prairie Flower, whoever he is: Uncle Dudley is a man, "His learning is quite fair, To keep the Presidency pure, Send Dudley to the chair. Dudley 1s too great a man To be Manhattan's, Mayor, guess it's Opera Is * Here® By Neal O'Hara Copyright, 1922 (New York Hvening World), by Press Publishing Company RAND OPERA has snapped loose 2 from its summer cocoon. So- Prano hussies have filed sour notes from top to register. Male yo- delers have given tonsils garlic mas- sage. Ballet has taken trial spin in lighter-than-air skirts. Squad of per- fumed blacksmiths have dusted off Golden Horseshoe, S. R. O. painted by Raphael, has been hung out and annual song panic is posi tively on sign, Opera is unique article of commerce. Customers for 76-cent seats drive up to Metropolitan in milk wagons and leap into line at 6.80 A. M. Opera ad- dicts with options on the red plush cushions arrive in time to hear next- to-closing solo. Function of Golden Horseshoe lesueo is to be seen and heard while stumbling over chairs in middle of last act. That gives ‘em chance to see song thrushes on home stretch without resorting to glasses. opera For thirty years asbestos curtain has been hoisted with stalis empty and hayloft full. While battery of soloists are warming up, T. Cholmon- doley-Binks is chasing platinum shirt stud under open plumbing of lity pri- vate boudoir, The IF. Pithington- Smiths are taking milk shower daths preparatory to hurdling into ultra- format duds. And the Tozsington- Browns are playing cribbage to decide which Hmousine to use. By arriving approximately at 10.45 P. M., they rove to critics, friends and the world in general they are interested patrons of music. Half those Wall Street dukes simply limp to opera to show neighbors they're atill on speaking terms with wives. If Croesus guys had own way, they'd unfurl buntons defore home fireplace, mooch into blue flannel dressing sack and tune up connections with WJZ. When hard-boiled shirt and stand-up collar are tougher on customer's throat than warbling ts on tenor’s thorax, it is time for opera devotee to snatch his oulture off radio waves, Some day newspapers will trot out truth and mention opera on tho level. Then we'll get the real stuff, like thin: In Box 206 was Mrs. Clay-Mudd in ‘beautiful mezzo-pneumonia suit. She carried excess ballast of talcum pow- der and beautiful knob of switches done in battleship gray. Mr. Clay- Mudd, as Rip Van Winkle, occupied three chairs and sofa pillow. He was carrying an exquisite platinum flask. Guests of the Clay-Mudds were Mrs. Claude Hopper and Miss Nettle Mc- Phee. Both girls wore sumptuous strings of pearl teeth, which served as overdrapes for chewing gum. In response to general alarm from Box S71, ushers and squad of house detectives roamed in on lururious family quarrel given by the Welling- ton-McBifs, Mrs. Wellington-MoBif wore a handsome set of black eyes beneath her lorgnette. Mr, Welling- ton-McBiff was neatly attired in a claret-tinted bandage over Ms acalp, He looked jaunty and piquant, al- though somewhat all in. Mra. Wel- Ungton-McBIf/ looked daggers. Newcomers in the Cherry Hill sce- tion of the upper tier were Mr. and Mrs, Barnabus Blug, 8he wore a form-fitting woolen tunic with price tag, to prove she didn’t knit it her- self, Mr. Bluff looked vivacious trying to fill out @ large dress sult. They left carly to permit Mr. Bluff to bring his outfit back before midnight and save an extra day's rent. So put him up another rung, Send Dudley to the chayer. NUTT’S DOPE, “Dear Dud,” writer Shrewsbury Nutt, “I and the went over to the Pennsylvania Station to-night to see Hopper and Shay contest for the billiard title. We searched that ola depot from top to bottom and couldn't find any game going on, | heard later that Hopper beat the other misoue artist but, if he did, they must of played in the b je room. TI the first time | and the wife fell down on a story, so don't get sore. By way, what about that $11 1 need to get my overcoat out? Saw a big woman bite into a worm in an apple at the fruit stand to-night and when she kicked the fruit man threatened to have her pulled for cruelty to anim: Much excitement but could learn nothing.—Jeff.” AND NOW PESMIT US To predict that the new Anti-Flirt Society, which will try to make the theatrical district safe for women may make it a gloomy place for a lot of flappers. SORE 7 JOE’S CAR GOSH, 1 wish 1 CouLd GET ovER. THIS FEQUNG L HAVE “THAT Ev RYBoDy ts TRYIN’ To STING ME ON MY CAR - TO TAKE FREE AIR FOR MY STIRES ng World Com Ss ‘ ‘Trade Mark Neg. U. 8 Pat. oft een He Can’t Get Over It!! if Tue FOUND OUT “THaT Ta' LESS You Pay FoR A “THING ~ MORE IT COSTS You END - SuMmp'N Folk THE BUNK! TH DROP AND & way You HAVEN'T YouR GAR IN YET 1 TH! INL THE 1M AFRAID NOTHIN 1S FOR FEAR .] THEY'LL SEND me A But Have A LITTLE Parience - mY! YWoURE WoRSE “THAN A - CHILD # * fe LITTLE MARY MIXUP ——v—) DONT You DARE CALL Me No NAMES oR NoTHiN’ ( VF UV HAD MONEY (0 MAKE BOBBY BONDS Look sick! We'D ELOPE AND BELIEVE. ME. You'D NEVER WANT FOR ANYTHING FRITAI-~---- KATINKA WELL - weit ! How 1$ “THe PATIENT 9 FEELING “TO-DAY “HATS Goop! xX “OLD You T'D GOON Suet vv! TH’ DAWGONE RHEMATIZ HAS GONE INTO “TH' OTHER LEG Now Do¢.! HEY Rope - Ye KNow WHAT vou ARE? } Ww I woz T care } ; BoBe @ simp! \You Sure Wood T cer | j {WeoEd = AND & SPANKIN’ ? | Youd Lose (ile | YouR Jorcar b Ped! / es ban y 5 BUT YOU WOW MY V NEVER GET “BREAK i sa Ls) YEH ~ "TH Boss ASKED MeL FREE SERVICE Yoy'RE ENTER WF LHAD: MONEY 7 CWERE'S A NEMEL---- Yo “TRAVEL ------ >) pie AN’ | SUPPOSE YoU ; BROUGHT CHARGE BY “THE Hour FoR IT eH] | FOR ANY OF THe i i oO ; 3 ; : i A i 3 ; ; “Doe” Is Too Shifty for Luke! ERE or peceeeress S a ESCAPE SEVERAL Good SPANKINGS & THE SKIN OF Hee Teer. | nie aad Ger THAT SPadKins Yer] OR ON THE OTHER HAND {conrinuep) ToMoRRow RICA HORE pment [GEE, DEAD BROKE! This 1S KATINKA'S PAY DAY, BUT T AIN'T GOT THe HEART ))\ To BORROW MONEY FROM 5 AN Tu Sup HER ASAD TALE ABOUT LOSING MY SOB= SHE'S VERY SOFT HEARTED, AN’ \F IT JOUCHES HER, SHE'LL HAND He HER POCKETBOOK 5 WITH EVERYTHING iN! Yes, MY BOSS SAID YOUNG MAN —1 Know) OH, (T'S You'RE A GOOD WORKER, BUT TiMes ARE BAD AND 1 CAN'T AFFORD To Keer You, ANY rore’s § OF A So WINTER In THE THAT GUILTY FEELING, T appears that no matter how tn- nocent of wrongdoing an automo- some and the memory-flash, which recalls dim past which the driver had hoped citizens experienced these emotions the other day. Recciving permission of the trafic officer at a downtown of applying the’ brakes rather stepping on the gas, possible law infraction of the bile driver may be when haled by a| passed unnoticed by Major Sullivan's] street intersection to proceed across} carried an ‘I've got you at last’ mes-| knowing that he had not brok.a any| “Want to buy a ticket for th traffic officer, there arises always that] men. the busy thoroughfare, he noticed the] sage regulation in the present instance, and] policeman-ftreman ball game? “i Suilty feeling with its telltale tush] One of Washington's law-abiding| policeman suddenly wave a document] Sliding his car.to a‘stop 3 awaited the fateful edict from the still] He did-—Washington sa | s ES AANA IRS YOU REALIZE How ONE FEELS BEIN’ out || t can, 1 B WITH A HARD Ferpee !} in a manner indicating the desirability the while con fronting the driver with a grin whici AWFUL! CAN I'M LOSING MINE To-morrow ! J sas STARIN' im Face ? mas repeasdsdieioene th officer's perch, the discomfited operator hastily ran back over little incidents of the past few days for which he might be held culpable smiling and seemingly sarcastic ‘‘cop,'* What solace there was conveyed in the polite words of the officer us he asked, cheerfully: than be