The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, October 30, 1904, Page 9

RIMIT TVE man dug holes in the too dopey to build and boys of every generation since that epoch have burrowed under the crust in or- er to succeed s gmuggler chiefs and bendit kings. Mudville, Ill., harbored a bold and hardy race of cave dwellers, whose repertoire had about petered out when the Mudville Mining and Manu- tacturing Company got busy on a flat stretch of prairie near the village. T concern sunk a mine shaft and tock cut fire clay and coal which blend- ed in the hermonious production of brick, pottery and drain tile. The black smoke could be seen for miles, and it painted fresh eambitions in budding minds. At the &ge of 12 I promoted two wildcat mining deals, the first of which proved a boomerang. The sec- ond assayed one mild mannered cow be- Jonging to a widow, and a series of short school vacations on which I could draw at sight. Moreover, the stock- holders in my company declared them- selves in on the dividend, and an era of prosperity struck the town. The amateur mining craze first broke out in our own back yard. There was nothing to it, I thought, but.a neat lit- tle coal business at home, and perhaps a pottery on the side. When the idea blossomed, 1 spoke to my younger brother, Bill, about it. A Natural-Born Promoter. “What's the use of digging where there ain’t no coal?” inquired the prac- tical Bill. That is where the nromoter gets up against it always. The trouble with Bill was he lacked imagination. Why o a man, under no cir- nces would I escort a whether motker, wife, sister or sweetheart, who did appearance and con- times as a lady estion of a good appearance, e of being gowned s condition of life and occasion, is not a mat- ure, but of taste and the selection of such col- natioh of colors as are be- he wearer. may be gowned very in- a vet carry herself with ne to the manner born. to tk A 's gowns should be sub- junctive and exponent of her perso: and not take precedence of the w an herself. In other words, see the woman rather than » is always proud of a com- whom his friends notice and compliment and would infinitely prefer that she should be remarked as a charming woman than as one magnifi- cently gowned. When a woman is well groomed the next -consideration is that she should E good and you'll be happy. If that simple statement were only true what a cinch living would be! Very few of us have any reoted and grounded objeetion to be- having ourselves, most of the time at avoii any mannerisms calcuiated to at- tract unfaverable attention. A striking locking woman, well gowned and carrying herself well, will always be noticed, which is a compli- ment to her personality, but to be no- ticed because of any effort on her part detracts from her personality. The fiendish woman finds a_perfect dellght in making herself comspictous and is bent on doing" something dis- agreeable that concentrates all eyes upon her and mortifies her escort. Such a one should be Kkept hermetically sealed. Many a woman, no matter what a man may do in his desire to please her, simply will not be pleased, and will nag until all en- joyment either for herself or others is put out of the question. She re- solves from the qnset that the only way to manage a husband is to keep him in deadly fear of her. She scru- pulously regards it a matter of con- science to make a scene whenever and wherever chance affords an opening, and no sense of delicacy or self-respect restrains her. It is no'wonder then that men unfor- tunately mated, or rather mismated, seek companionship elsewhere. I have no sympathy with the woman who starts out to redress her wrongs with a rawhide or an acid bottle and cannot understand the sympathy. that such women arouse. There can be no doubt that a large percentage of our least, but we don't seem to be able to keep out of jail and have a good time simultaneously. That is the reason for the poet’s remark that a “little jug- ging now and then is relished by the best of men.” Another reason why it is not as easy to be good as the Sunday school books try to make us believe is that so few people recognize the symptoms. Apparently the world is too wicked to know virtue when it meets it on the street and usually thinks that it is some new kind of sin in disguise. All of the above wise remarks were intended only as a prelude to a thrill- ing account of the tragic career of that seeker after righteousness, D. Webster Veribest. D. Webster wasn’t a poll- tician; he was a reformer. That is to say, he was a statesman who couldn't get any one to agree with him. If the reformers ever get any one to believe what they say they will be the most disappointed people on earth. Half the fun of being a simon pure reformer is in standing on the sidewalk and chocking brickbats at the men in the procession. But as we attempted to say before D. Webster Veribest be- gan his political career as a reformer. What we wanted, he would say, was more honesty in public life. It might have been pointed out to him that that. valuable commodity was always more or less desirable even in private life, but it never does any good to tell any- thing to a reformer. That's what makes them so useful—to their enemies. Of course D, Webster was aware of the fact that his destiny Was to cleanse the Augean stables, to strangle the hydra of corruption, to beat batk the hosts of political darkness to their THE SAN FRANCISCO SUNDAY CALL. and Off theBread Wadgon By Charles shouldn’t there be coal in our back yard if he only thought so? Bill was a pep- pery kid, full of force long before Sun- ny Jim's time, and would make a valued assistant in the mining venture. “If I prove there is coal in the lot will you help me dig?” I asked BilL He sald he would, and I soon con- vinced that easy mark, being a natural. born promoter myself. Reading was my only vice at that date. In order to get at the books I bunkoed the Warner County Library Association in the most cruel and sordid manner. Twice each week in winter I toted half a ton of coal in buckets up three flights of stairs from a cellar under the sidewglk. The librarian was a very old man with two cork legs, and on that account he was ashamed to be seen carrying the coal himself. In return for my trifling service the librarian gave me a hook privilege ticket, good for six months, and worth §1 50. It makes me blush even now to think how I swindled that poor old man, but I was like the drunkard away from his can. My very being thirsted for choice miscellany, useful facts worth knowing and light summer reading in winter. A deep and soulful longing for knowledge made me desperate, and I soon picked up a lot about coal—in buckets. Well, I had read of the divining rod, and with that bit of witchery worked Bill to the limit. First I salted the onion bed just west of the raspberry patch, by planting a flat lump of coal six inches underground and marking the spot. Then, with an apple twig in the form of a ¥, I led Bill to his doom. He followed, pop-eyed, while I trailed about the garden, holding the divining rod b the double ends, with the stem of the Y pointing straight ahead. At the proper place the magic stem bent downward, and I whis' -od hoarsely to Bill: “Dig here for treasure!” 1 allowed him to dig, and when Bill uncovered the lumps of coal, he became lit up with the most gorgeous blaze of enthusiasm I ever beheld in a human being. That was promoting some, all right. Bill wanted to dig on the night shift, toe, but I wouldn't let him. In a few days we sunk a shaft five or six feet deep and ran a drift to one side in search of the mother lode. To sup- port the roof of the tunnel we knocked the rain water barrel to pieces, sawed the staves in half and braced them up with timbers taken from the family woodpile. ‘This was the only time we ever tackled the bucksaw in the role of little volunteers. Put It All Back Again. The tunnel had drifted in all of ten feet when our meale parent and provider G e e e e HE FIENDISH WOMAN” # lords of creation would be vastly bene- fited by a little strenuous disciplining and society might be improved by the vigorously enforced change of heart, but the woman who fancies that she is teaching a husband or sweetheart a mucihneedt-d lesson by making such a brutal and revolting exhibition of herself rather labels herself with a trademark of fiendish tendencies and would seem to justify a man in his de- sertion or meglect of héer. A woman who will carry “her resentment this far will naturally have indulged in a thou- sand and ohe petty spites leading up to it, which have driven a man to seek companionship elsewhere. It is no uncommon sight in the large and fashionable cafes of New York to see & woman quarreling viciously with her escort, and often, if one can catch the words, they will find that the man is making every effort to conciliate a jealous fiend, who couldn’t be happy if she were the only Eve and had the whole run of paradise, Men at other tables, and within hear- ing distance, bet drinks that such and such couples are married, and say that they can readily spot the bachelors and benedicts when dining out. If a woman could be made to realize the horror that permeates a man's soul toward one who figures in scenes, she would curb her disposition in that re- gard. Very often no reason exists for the abusive tirade that mortifies a man the nation generally. There were sev- eral other 'things which he declared he had been chosen to do, but we for- get what they were at this particular moment. D. Webster wasn't shy on specific remedies either, which he in- tended to apply when he should be boosted into power. He informed the mg Hard LuckTales and Doz came home. His little boy miners led him forth and pointed with pride to the . hole. He looked about at the yellow clay smeared over half the fertile den spot on which "he had lavished money and manure. We expected loud outbursts of praise. Instead father asked quietly: “Did you boys dig out all this dirt?” “Yes, sir,” we chortled. "It was my idea and Bill he—" “Very good,” father broke in. “And now let me see you put it all back— every grain—or I'll burn the pants off you both.” That was the bitterest jolt of my young life up to date. 1ill all but col- lapsed, for he bélleved in the coal fic- tion and my superior divining rod wis- dom. We buried the dirt in the grave of blasted hopes and directed the obse- quies all alone, for no other boys had been let into the digging and we couldn’t expect help. It was awful work filling up the tunnel, pushing in the dirt with a hoe, and when that job was completed a period of depression fell upon the amateur mining industry at Mudville. Later on in the season, being a reso- lute promoter, I launched the second venture. One square away lived the two Wilson boys, who, luckily, had no father to butt into their vast and wor- thy enterprises. The lson boys read- ily believed the coal vein I foupd at home extended to.their place, and a new company was formed to mine the stable lot of the Widow Wilson without securing from her a concession to.the mineral rights. The new company proceeded oh a mammoth scale, rating a president, board of directors and a row of pum- bered pegs in the barn on which to hang our mining clothes. A committee appointed to steal a batch of mihers’ lamps from. the pottery made good with a dozen, one for each stockholder. Though all the digging was done be- fore and after school in the broad glare of an effulgent Illineois sun, we wore the lighted lamps on our brows just the same. Nothing was too good for the Dryden-Wilson' Mining Com- pany, Limited. In a short time we sunk a square shaft sixteen feet deep, using a wind- lass and bucket to hoist out the dirt and coal, when we struck it. The tough clay sides of the shaft needed no box- ing, else the world might have lost a bunch of bright intellects in a prema- ture mine horror, In the event of ac- cident to the hoisting gear the shaft boss rigged an emergency ladder, ‘bullt of two sixteen-foot fence boards bor- rowed from the widow. These boards were set upright against one wall of the shaft and fitted with rungs nailed on. - “T and degrades a woman. Strange to say, women are star per- formers in these dual scenes, and a ‘woman possessed of fiendish proclivities always selects the most conspicuous places to maké her spectacular display. In this ranid era, n it is no un- common sight to worfien drink glass for “~wifle, Tiquo, o dfinks male companions, it is an interesting study to note the effect on various women. Few can stand the In- sidious influence, and when one can she is simply a heart’s delight for her com- panion. If a woman has anything of the flend in her makeup a few drinks will quickly bring it to the surface, when she will become reminiscent and exploit all the old scores she has ac- cumulated for months against her es- cort, until her face becomes purple with rage and she forgets all the self-respect or good breeding that should guard her. against such exhibitions. When a wom- an knows that wine has this effect’ upon her, for her own sake shé should let it severely alone. A cultivated and refined man always fears a first entertainment with a wom- an. He wonders how she will dress, how she will conduct herself, how wine will affect her, and will feel his way very cautiously in a private little en- tertainment before he braves the un- certainties of a large public function. A man really likes a woman who can share his libations and keep a level head, but the woman who becomes mediately set to work to hoist him into some office or other where he can't possibly hang on to his hard-earned reputation for more than fifteen or twenty minutes. About the time that the hoi polloi came to the cchiclusion that there must be something in what D, Webster was voters of the commonwealth that if ‘telling them there happened to be a they would present him with a four yvears' lease of the big house on the hill rent free he would make the rail- roads, insurance companies and other impudent concerns which insisted on paying dividends and objecting to be- ing taxed more than private citizens come into his presence on bended knee. There would be no leniency shown to such m It. / Furthermore, D. Webster assured the open mouthed—and presumably open minded—populace that he had a sure tip on the source of legislative, executive and judicial iniquity and that when he got through with it there wouldn’t be a hole in the State deep | enough to hide those who now fat- tened at the public erib. . Eifher the source of the aforesaid in- iquity would be dammed or he would. This kind of talk handed out to the general public in large bunches, sup- plemented by an occasional magazine article just to make an Iimpression on the upper crust, began to have an effect after a while. People 1 as good as he sald he 'uq.flm ‘g t o vacancy in the throne room of the ex- ecutive mansion and some one sug- gested that D. Webster's brain be measured for the unemployed crown. The process:is what is commonly known as the exercise of the sovereign will of the people, but it grieves us to state that about all that the people had to do with it was to carry a torch in An Ocean Graveyard The most important headland in the world is Cape Race, the southeastern extremity of Newfoundland. It has also a most unenviable notoriety. 3 Some of the most terrible tragedies in marine annals have occurred on this rugged, dangerous foreshore. An offielal chart shows the disasters there during the past forty years. Together with some not inscribed thereon they repre- 10 | wredks of ‘ccean:going wonder if he were not at least half| % ®ar- hol the mine, the lamp committee being unable to steal any powder, the stock- lders were . assessed for enough to blast out a tunnel. By unanimous vote, blasting was deemed more romantic than d.l{sm., and the price of one pound fine rifle powder fairly flowed into the treasury. 3 A broomstick drill was used to bore a hole pointing downward at an angle of 46 degrees in the south wall of the shaft, two feet above the bottom. We tamped dirt on top of the powder and left a string of firecracker fuses hang- ing out for the match. Then arose a question of nerve to touch off the blast. Marsh Bloats, a husky lobster, six feet tall, at the schoolboy age, said he ;ould do it in a Jiffy. So we lowered im in and hauled up the bucket, his idea being to escape via the safety ladder, after firing the fuse. ‘When Marsh Hit the Bottom. While the daredevil Marsh was be- low the stock company withdrew to a ‘vacant lot across the alley. He applied the match and climbed the ladder, the rungs of which were hits of lath, se- curely spiked to the uprights with tacks and second-hand shingle nails. Just as the head of the intrepid Sloats poked out of the hole the rung on which his fat feet rested broke off. The fall jerked loose the slat in his grip, and down he went with an awful burring sound, clutching at every rung from top to bottom. Silence more appalling than sound followed the thud when Marsh hit bot- tom; then came an anguished shriek of terror and calls for help. The shaft erupted the agony of young Sloats en- .tombed with the blast, while we stood paralyzed watching for his atoms. Marsh begged his father and mother and.an uncle who lived in Nebraska to save him. Heé cursed the company for not lowering the bucket, but mortal fear held us in a pallid group across the alley. The fuse had burned in be- yond the reach of his fingers, and it was up to the boss blast toucher to take what was coming to him. ‘When it came, a whirling spiral cloud of white smoke, punctured by one hideous yell, shot up from the shaft. At the summit of the cloud, twenty feet in air, rode Marsh's limp straw hat. That was all: - Nothing more—not even a sound—boiled out of the shaft, so the more courageous directors sneaked to the edge and looked down. Sloats sat with his back braced against the wall, and was mining dirt out of his eves, mouth, nose and ears, using his fingers for picks. The lan- guage that flowed from him dispelled the sulphur fumes and deadly after loud, either by exhilaration and good nature or through a quarrelsome pro- pensity, simply frightens him into nervous obsession. A man can faceé a cannon, an earth- quake, a fire, a runaway or a camera flend and keep his nerve, but confront- . ed by the fiendish woman bent on mak- mixed7ing a scerie, hé relavkes into an abject, shivering coward, possessed by the one desire to run and never stop. A man who bears with a woman glven to seene enactments has much of the Cherubim or the fool in his composition, from the fact that such a woman has no pride restraining her and understands no deference due to time, place or circumstance. A woman who pleads in extenuation that she loves a man so entirely that the thought of him noticing any other woman or the fact of his absence fills her with such anxiety as fairly mad- dens her offers a very paltry apology for the humiliation her unreasonable actlons occasion. If a woman is so tormented by her jealous imaginings in the one regard, and is so morbidly selfish as to wish to deprive a man of every pleasure in which she cannot share on the other, then for the sake of each all associa- tion should be peremptorily broken, otherwise both the man and the wom- an retrograde. Unfortunately, the first ebullition of this fiendish development in a woman tickles @ man’s'vanity. He thinks with R N R N B N N B P N o G N 0 S N S D S S G GO RSB ORGSO GO PSSO 0000000, For "IAE FOOLISA—BY Aicriouas Nemo. the procession and vote “right” when the time came. The heavy work was attended to by sundry gentlemen who sat in a secluded chamber doing vari- ous stunts in simple addition and ex- perimenting with a new kind of dou- ble-énded campaign pledge with a se- cret exit at the rear. D. Webster suspected that there was something crooked about the business, but he reflected that life is a com- promise—when it isn’t a surrender— and that sometimes it is necessary to stoop to conquer. This seemed to him to be one of the times. After he was firmly planted in the executive saddle he could bid a fond adieu to those who had given him a leg up. At any rate, he was sure that he was a much better man than any one else they could have iserable slngeu when he "“mwmmround and, fortified by that socthing reflection, he took his oath to support the constitution and not to suspend the bylaws any oftener than public policy seemed to demand. There were several other things which he was under obli- gation to support, but he didn’t men- n those at the time. ¢ ‘The first move that D. Webster made after he had landed the mustard was to go after the railroads for the back taxes which his predecessor had over- looked. It looked like an easy game, but the next day he discovered that each road was the mainstay of more widows than ‘he had ever dreamed ex- isted and that if tHe taxes were pald g - livered.! The next electfon passed see very well, the company took a des- perate * chance, hoisted him up and scattered like a flock of quail. He was able and willing to lick the whole bunch, and we knew it. - The tough clay confined the loosely tamped pow- der, and the bulk of the discharge, like that from a gun, had passed above him, and Sloats was not damaged, except in his pride. Our first - and last blast fajled to uncover any coal, yet the pow- der was not wholly wasted. Next morning Lefore daylight Roger Wilson, the mine boss, routed me out. His mother’s only cow had fallen into the shaft over night and broken most of her lege, her neck and her spine in three places, so Roger said in tragic whispers. Anyhow, the cow was a corpse, and Roger was doing a Paul Revere ride on foot, passing a hurry call among the directors for an urgent meeting at the mine. In the pale gray light of dawn a crowd of terror-stricken kids stood about the hole and peered in at the cow, who seemed to be standing on her horns.. To the dullest mind present it was apparent that dead cows have no value, while live boys must look to their future. Therefore, sincé the Wil- son cow was dead and buried, all but the covering up, there was no sense get- ing her out and creating needless sor- row scenes among the women and chil- dren at the mouth of the pit.’ So we a complacent sort of smile, she must love me like a prairie fire in a fifty- mile gale or she would not care, and forthwith he snuggles into this mantle of self-complacency with a real com- fortable feeling that only a warm, re- freshing devotion could radiate such fervid caloric. Now this is all very well as an ap- petiser, but when administered as steady diet the average man finds his mental digestion shy on tackling a continued feast of tabasco. He can- not cope with the feverish pitch ex- acted in return, and it palls on his taste with appalling effect. The fiendish woman is not sane. The everyday happenings are seen through distorted lens. In the trifies emanating from kind- ness extended her, she sees only a covert insinuation or suggestion call- ing for resentment on her part. She has allowed her mind to dwell so per- sisteritly on real or fancied wrongs that both mind and heart are warped ¥ the contemplation. Many men tolerate such women through abject cowardice. Morally such women are, generally speaking. good, because they are too disagreeable for any one tp tempt them on to be anything else. What man could approach such a one with either good or evil intent? He pities the poor devil who has to bear with her, but she is perfectly safe as far as others are concerned. picion that he was going to lose his ante if he didn't look sharp. Being good and holding office at the same time didn’t appear to be such a simple proposition as when he had regarded it from the outside. At any rate he assured his conscience he would never submit to having pub- lic office made anything other than a public trust. He believed this for near- Iy a week, when his State chairman in- formed him that the thing for him to do was to bust the trust and appoint Billy McCann trustee of the State uni- versity. Billy McCann's chief claim to glory and a lien on the State treasury lay in the fact that he owned a brew- ery and fifty saloons and could de- liver the Mack vote without a hitck in the rollcall. Again D. Webster ree- ognized the inevitable at sight and guccumbed, still cherishing in his heart the theory that he was so far superior to other men that he was worth the money whether he jugged all the ras- cals or not. Merely to have a-truly geod man in office is uplifting, whether he works at his trade or not. 'mon powers behind the throrie—he began to hustle around to-make that he wouldn’t be out of a job the next election’ was over. This he didn’t wait for the politicians ask him for promises; he had all typewritten and ready to-be gef D. Webster still adorned the éxecutive mansion and ever and anon broke forth with his sweet song about the of honesty in public life. He ought to' know. His secret conclusion is that : it is easy to be good as long as there is no temptation to be otherwise, and that he who stoops to conquer is likely to be round shouldered all the res of den At this point in the development of. damp. As the frenzied blaster couldn't filled in the shaft without pausing for breath, and took the oath of secrecy on a tin dagger above the unmarked grave of that careless but worthy bo- vine. Mystery of the Cow. Of course the widow missed the cow, and a lot of diligent, self-sacrificing boys were willing to give up their studies and help the widow’s sons seek that which was lost. The board of di- rectors, to a boy, responded nobly, and for weeks parents wrote excuses to teacheérs on behalf of the cow. Singly and in groups the reformed coal diggers spent whole days in the bosky dells and sylvan glades adjacent to Mudville, carrying popguns, lunch and angle worms In tireless search, but far as I know the cow was never found. At the same time, the mishap at the mine thwarted my career as a mining promoter, and I'm glad of it. The love of fishing acquired and fostered during the futile probing of the Mudville Cow Mystery is now the ome solace of my declining years. 1 had rather fish and lie than be rich. One day. perhaps, in future ages, excavators will come upon the skull and bones of a prehistoric Mudville cow buried sixteen feet under ground. Should this narrative be pre- served, it may aid the archaeologist. Next week the dope deals with being stage-struck and learning a trade at Mudville. (Copyright, 1304, by Charles Dryden.) If women who select streset cars, shops, railroad trains, street corners, dining cafes and theaters as the scenes for making a public exhibition of fiend- ish temper, and for ventilation of do- mestic broils, realized how revolting a spectacle they present, and could hear the comments of enforced hearers, they would cultivate sufficient seif-control to keep in reserve such quantities as would be guaranteed to last until at least the privacy of home was reached. One flendish woman can spoil the pleasure of any party whether it num- bers 5 or 500, and the aggravating part is that she I8 so self-satisfled and thinks herself not only justified, but also perfectly right, if not actually clever. A man wedded to such a woman s positively pitiable. He 13 perforce a coward, or rather he Is so completely at her mercy that he bears silently in the hope of avoiding, scenes, and will neglect his friends that he may protect them from being subjected to her wanton malice, or being witnesses of his humiliation. She is supposed to be a.good woman, and she is, as far as morality_ consti- tutes goodness, but she is devilish all the same. The courts will not free him, he cannot harness her tongue aund he capnot kill her, and yet. goodness knows, there are scores of men- whot will agree with me that such murders ought to be legalized. KATE THYSON MARR. l | THE HEAVY Work U 1 SUMBRSLTENSED TO my