The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, December 21, 1902, Page 9

e -~ N authority on the ways of the smart set in New York was asked to write an article on good form and the latest wrinkles in etiquette. She shrugged her shoulders and replied: “My dear woman, the latest thing In JHE IGNORES ThIE WORDS ON good form s to be as rude as possible in the most graceful fashion.” A dangerous rule this, for we.women do not need any - particular encourage- ment to cultivate selfishness. If the truth be admitted, we have needed rather the leash of “good form™ to hold our selfish- TE PHIAND AND FREEZES POUR LIFD- ness in check. Only dread of criticism and well-deserved ostracism has kept our captious propensity in check. Give us license to be rude gracefully and —heaven help you! the result will be self- ishness in petticoats—and you won't like her, Of disagreeable women there are mnow two distinct types, the aggressive malcon- tent and the passive. To the first class belongs the woman who, for reasons’/best known to herself, considers it is up to her to administer a snub to your humble and unenlightened self. You meet her on the avenue with greeting on your lips and graclous wel- come in your outstretched hand. She ignores the hand and freezes the words on your lips by gazing over your head and murmuring icily: “Charmed, I'm sure!” Then she is gone, the thermometer takes a sudden plunge downward, and you're quite alone, to cudgel your brains for past sins and misdemeanors wherewith to ac- count forthe snub. This is the same woman who squelches your enthusiasm when all the world seems rose-colored. You are at the dance per- haps, admiring a pretty woman on the opposite side of the room. Milady of Tan- trums Hstens, turns her gaze upon the object of your admiration and her face undergoes a transformation. A sardonic smile plays on her lips and forms two exceedingly ugly wrinkles on either side of her mouth. (If she only knew how old those wrinkles make her look, she'd drop the sardonic smile.) Her eyes narrow, and she whispers in biting tones: ““Yes, she’s looking well to-night, but I think she was more striking before she ‘wenpt abroad and had her hair colored.” Your illusions fade, the world seems suddenly artificial and nasty, and you'd like to throttle the haughty iconoclast at your side. But her strong suit is ridding herself of a man who bores her. He may be doing his very best to fill in a gap between de- sirable partners. He may be a rank out- sider who she feels has intruded his pres- ence where worthier ones should stand. The fact that he has been invited by one of the elect is no password to her favor. And she proceeds to impress upon him the agreeable fact that he is out of his ele- ment. Very shortly he finds himself talking to an alabaster shoulder, a knot of soft brown halr, and the diamond clasp of a pearl collar. Polite nothings die on his lips. He gazes hopelessly in the di- rection of her glance and finds that she is intensely interested in—space. Then he fades away, and she thinks she has done something tremendously clever. In real- ity, she has been abominably rude, and has drawn another brick from.the foun- dation of her soclal success. Sooner or later it will totter and fall. This is not the woman who can be rude gracefully. She is the woman who enjoys her social prestige through wealth, rather than through family and good breeding. Bhe is afraid the canaille will not recog- nize her superiority, and takes this mode of keeping them in place. You feel certain the jul ent will over- take this woman. There's a satisfaction in knowing that, sooner or later, she wiil meet her Waterloo, and there will be great rejoicing thereat throughout her circle of acquaintances. But the passively disagreeable woman you cannot handle so easily. She s not to be disposed of by ordinary means. She is the quintessence of selfishness, cloak- ed in helplessness, appealing ways and moral cowardice. Her happiness seems to be in the inverse ratlo of the happiness of those around her. When she has every one else on edge she is radiant within herself. No one ever saw her radiant without. You just feel that she is happy Lecause she has made you miserable. She considers that, by some reasoning known only to the gods that presided over her birth, she is erititled to be “It” in the and social circle. If any plans are without consulting her, it be- comes her pleasurable duty to upset these plans—in ggperfectly quiet and lady- like fashion. If some one else has been made president of the General Improve- ment Club, it is up to Milady of Lacerat- ed Feelings to inoculate the entire or- ganlzation with the bacillus of mutiny. She is that delightful creature who, with a few words or-an eloquent gesture, can reduce a band of enthusiastic workers to a melancholy pulp. When it Is all over and the gathering has come to, it is filled with an intense vearning to employ the vocabulary of a steamboat captain, or the herder of cattle on the wild Western plains. Picture this woman at the house party, which by all rules of hospitality should be congenial. She is there because her hostess does not know her peculiar tem- perament. With the knowledge would have come discrimination—but no invita- fon. What plans the hostess has not made materialize rapidly under the jolly influence of the crowd. Then comes a pavse in proceedings. The “I think, don't you,” of the disagreeable woman gets in its work, Of couse, she has to “think” at the last moment, and that is where she gets in her fine work. If she could not “think,"” she -would save both herself and her friends much that tends to make the men feel homicidal and the women savage. But the manner In which she manipulates that “think” at the most in- opportune moment is a system of mind juggiery that will never be explained. Plans have all been made, the partici- pants selected, and all chimes In with the merry jingle of wedding bells, when out rings the twang of the disagreeable flend. She cannot stand seeing others hzppy, and at the last moment, when hi- larity is at its height, she says In the most injured and aggravating tone: “I don’t think that will do at all. Don’t you think we had better do so and so?” Forthwith you feel like withering her up. But despite unmistakable - glances and crushing remarks, she is bent on having her own way, and, rather than break up the party, the rest are constrained to humor her. It the others like to dance, she finds it too fatiguing. If others fancy a real old-fashioned picnic party, she can’t see any fun in tramping one’s self to death. If a row on the lake or a sall on the river is proposed she hates the, sight of water—it makes her so sick. If an auto party is arranged she is sure the horrid thing will blow up or cut some other ri- diculous capers; and she never trusts a man or an auto. If a straw ride is men- tioned she gives a shiver of horror and cannot understand the plebelan tastes of some people. A fishing bout she could not think of—the very smell of fish makes her nauseated. A game of cards is stu- pid. The truth of the matter is; zhe is often just as anxious as any one else to enjoy an outing, but she has acquired the habit of making objections and of criticizing everything and everybody until she has an idea that she must keep it up. The depressing effect -her moods have on others is the worst phase of the whole matter. The feelings of her’friends have little concern for her. She never allows herseif to think of such trifles. It is all that she can do to think of herself. She is not only selfish, but conceited, which explains much of the trouble. Be- sides, there is always some particular man whom she wants, and generally that particular man wants some . other girl, and woe to that other girl whom that particular man singles out. The disagreeable woman is not over- burdened with an overweening amount of delicacy. In fact, delicacy is a forgotien quantity in the equation of her makeup. She never brings herself down from the lofty consideration of self long enough to reason whether others have feelings or not. ~ The subtle workings of her mind have few intylcacies, apd these are limited to the desire to get what she wants. If she does not get it she has recourse to de- priving others of enjoying it should they be more fortunate. The amount of satisfaction that a wom- an can extract from a sense of victory in having spoiled the pleasure of every one about her is marvelous. You and I have seen such women. We have had a sensa- tion somewhat akin to murderous when an outing we had anticipated with so much pleasure was spoiled by a nasty re- mark, a sneering smile or a contemptible insinuation which, while not sufficiently pointed to warrant open resentment, was of such a character as to be unmistak- able in the insult implied. And that, too, is another weapon of the disagreeable woman—her cowardice. She rarely comes out openly to antagonize any one. She deals in subterfuges and Insinu- ations, and when one cannot but notice the obvious meaning she is at once the injured party and is loud In her disavowal of any intention to offend. There is nothing on earth more lovely and lovable than an amiable woman. Even poor, down-trodden, mere man will admit this. Some have been even reckless enough to fall in love with such a one. But the disagreeable woman is a blot on creation, and all of them should be bunched and sent to some remote Adam-~ less Eden and there fight it out among_ themselves. No man should make the mistake of thinking that he can cure her. A disa- greeable mania is aggravated by good treatment. It gets wi It is the object of a girl marrying a drunkard to reform him. Not onee in a hundred times will she work the reformation, but not ence in one thousand times will a man _cure a disagreeable woman. A _disagreeabls mania Is chronic and incurable. While such women live, beware how you spread the cult of being rude grace= fully. “COLONEL KATE.”