The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, November 17, 1901, Page 2

~ Coypright, 1901, by Doubleday, Page & Co. ‘I does not require a Solomon to draw up a8 code of laws. for the conduct of a guest. One may s=ay, "It is not a difficult role to play,” and yet any one who has had the least experience in entertaining knows that one guest may be .a kill-joy and another an inspiration. Jt begins with the invitation. . A ready acceptance I8 flattering, and a prompl re- gret an evidence of good breeding and thoughtful consideration, It is a mistaken fdea that a tardy regret seems to convey reluctance. y : The Guest at a Dinner. Having accepted an invitation to dine or visit at a friend’'s house, to gquote a well- known society leader, “Nothing but your own funeral should preveut your keeping the engugement." . 3 Punctuality is said to be a royal virtue, and the heads of the nation set an ex- ample of the mest minute exactitude in that respect as a matter of pure courtesy. Nothing is more trying to the temper of hostess and cook than belated guests, and no 'one has the right to sacrifice others to hig convenience. A ‘We should show ourselves responsive to any effort made to entertain us, be eas- fly amused, and let it be seen that we have -come with the eéxpeétation of enjoy- ing ourselves. There is an art in belug entertained as well as In entertaining. Nothing s so gratifying to a hostess as a happy. animated guest. At a dinner it is better to partake of a little of everything that is passed, or at least take some upon one’s plate. A young or inexperienced hostess, observing that her guests decline ecertain dishes, thinks that she has made an unfortunate selec- tion, unadapted to their tastes, or if one says, by way of apology for refusing, *I have already eaten so heartily,’” she may reproach herself with providing too bountifully and recall all that she has heard of the bad form of these whe thus ‘provision. THE err. Neither let us apologize for our ap- petites in taking some of everythiag, since that also implies an over-generous The golden rule is an unfail- ing guide. It is well to improve any occa- sion of complimenting the tempting na- ture of the viands, and an enthusiastic and spontaneous expression of pleasure at the beauty of the table arrangement or of any article upon it does not come with bad grace from a guest where the feeling is sincere and if it be done In a "gushing” manner. : It Is a mistake to think such remarks in bad taste, and that they make us appear as though unused ourselves to handsome surroundings. On the contrary, it is pre- cisely those who are sensitive to beauty through its accustomedness that are most forward In expressing pleasure, or pers haps they know from experience that dis- criminating praise never gives offense, but is treasired by the hostess and re- called with pleasure. Those who second the efforts of their hostess instead of making demands upon her, who -help to entertain her other guests, are those whose presence comes to be considered one of the essentials of a successful so- cial event. If it be necessary to withdraw early, before the rest of the guests, it should be. done as quietly as possible, and the farewell to one's hosts be as unstereo- typed and as expressive of pleasure as may be made consistent with truth—some think that even truth may be stretched over a compliment, . The Guest at a House Party. In replying to an invitation to spend a few days or more at a friend's house, it is a not uncommon error, if obliged to decline, to say that at ‘‘some other time' one would be pleased to accept. Such suggestion 18 supposed to convey the idea that one cannot resign one's self to the disappointment, It often places a hostegs in a most embarrassing position. It would be considered a rudeness to reply thus to - SUNDAY - . selves useful, CALL, — — THE DUTIES an invitation for dinner or luncheon, and yet it would be far simpler to repeat such occasions of entertaining a friend than to plan twice ‘for his reception at one's house for a visit of several days. A prompt reply is especially important in such Invitations, since the plans of the hostess are contingent upon the answer, and possibly those of some of her friends as well. A telegram . stating the exact time of one's expected arrival is often a satisfaction to a hostess, even if it has been previously agreed upon. It is an as- surance that nothing has occurred to al- ter the original plan. s it is, gest that a guest ts bound by every law of courtesy to conform in everything to - the habits of the household as far as possible. The most agreedble visitors are thcse who make no trouble for any one, who find everything pleasant that their hostess arranges for them, who in little -unsolicited ways are ready to make them- The gifts and accomplish- mentg of all should be at the call of their hosts. Every one should be able to make some contribution to the general enter- tainment, and with eleerful alacrity, but with no shade of ostentation, be ready to comply with the slightest intimation of host and hostess of their desire for as- ‘sistance. g . A guest should never appear thought- less of or indifferent to the convenience nf the rest. Some persons think that be- cause they are visitors they need be only the recipients of attention. They should fall in readily with any plan proposed for their pleasure, but must not seem depend- _ent for amusement. A woman may take some bit of work with her, or a book that she has already begun, that she may not appear to be walting helplessly to be provided with entertainment. She may take a nap—or pretend to do so—or propose to withdraw to her room under pretext of letters to write; and a man may tramp, read or practice at some sport, if it be suspected that the hosts have something to occupy them, or even to relieve them of their con- tinuous society. : ‘Punctuality at all times should be felt to be an obligation. When outside guests ‘are Invited, the house party should be in the drawing-room promptly to receive them or to be presented, being, in a sense, part of their host's family during their stay. X If family worship is a custom and the hour is mentioned to guests, their pres- ence is obligatory; but if not invited, it would be an intrusion. If anything unpleasant occur, a guest should see nothing, but maintain a dis- creet absent-mindedness; and the whole decalogue of good behavior is broken at once if one visitor criticises to another either a fellow guest or a member -of the host’'s family, or discusses any of their affairs or Interests unless it be to praise, The Guest’s Room. The rooms allotted to visitors are gen- erally dainty, and often contain choice articles that require careful use. Often cherished belongings are taken from ac- customed places to minister to a guest's comfort or pleasure, who will, of ecourse, keep the room in an orderly manner and handle its pretty accessories with due regard to their delicacy. The presence of visitors adds appreciably to the servants’ regular duties; so it is only just to lighten them as far as may be, and ask no special service if it can be avoided. It is a matter of bedroom etiquette to leave the room always in perfect order, In the morning the windows should be opened, the bed clothes turned back to be aired, and the towels hung in place. A thoughtful hostess will offer a maid’s serviceg to unpack the boxes of her guests, The servants should be pleas- antly thanked for any service, and upon leaving, visitors should conform to custom in giving a gratuity to such as have ad- ministered to them personally, Well-Bred Guests. Well-bred guests keep their belongings carefully confined to the portion of the house that is temporarily assigned to them, availing themselves only of the closets and drawers that have been placed at their disposal. They do not take books and magazines to their rooms without the express per- mission of the hostess. These are for the benefit of all the visitors., They never ride a borrowed horse too far or too fast, of course, saferfluous to sug-. OF A GUEST. R They endeavor to show themselves at their best when others are invited to meet them, taking pains to second all the efforts of their hostess. When private theatricals or musicals are given, the hostess, or others who su- perintend the affair, will always be grateful to those who, putting aside personal preference, enter heartily into the parts assigned them, more anxious to give pleasure than to display their accom- plishments. An old proverb says, ‘‘Never mention a rope in the family of a man that was hanged.” The application is ob- vious, It were well to remember, too, that one's ailments are nmever matter of public in- terest, and self and its belongings should never form a prominent part in one's conversation. It is optional with a guest whether or not he will attend church with his hosts. No worldly etiquette imposes his presence, but it is usually felt to be . more considerate for guests to attend church if provision is made to take them there. 3 If visitors have accepted outside invita- tions before their arrival—which is often the case when making visits in town—they should mention the fact to their hostess as soon as convenient, that none of that lady’s plans be unsettled and that their going may be arranged for. Guests should not allow their hosts to incur needless expense in their behalf. They should in a city pay their own car fares, cab hires and express charges; but if the host will not permit this, it is in better taste to yleld the point than to in- sist upon it. Although the desk of a guest room is usually provided with note paper with the family crest or the name of the house upon it, and all necessaries for letter- writing, guests will be discriminating In their use of them, and come provided with their own, including stamps. It is an old-fashioned bit of courteons attention, but one usually appreciated, for a visitor to bring to the hostess a box of bonbons or some fruit, rare enough to be an excuse for its offering—which is presented soon after the arrival, An Ideal Guest. I have in mind one bright little woman for the pleasure of whose visits all her friends contend. She comes like a burst of sunshine, and every member of the family hails her with enthusiasm. She pays a preliminary visit to the confec- tioner’s, remembering that there are chil- dren in the household. She always hap- pens to have with her the last new book of which the world is talking, and her fund of games, riddles and anecdotes is inexhaustible, She never fails to have some bit of fancy work on hand, upon which she stitches industriously and with intense and absorbing interest whenever there happens to be a dearth of other oc- cupation, or suddenly remembers an amusing story that she has brought to read to us. Best of all, she is ready for anything and enjoys everything, nothing comes amiss. She is an appreciative audi- ence to the children’s small efforts on the plano or at recitation. Bhe tells them stories, plays games with them. She is interested in the little girl's doll, for which she will make “a love of a bonnet,"” - and in the boy's - . collection of stamps or butterflies, . over which she wonders to his heart's content, and never by chance refers to his geological “gspecimens’” as “stones.” Every servant is her devoted slave. She remembers them all by name, has a bright word for each, and by way of thanking one seems to confer an cbligation, There is a universal protest when the time comes for her departure, but sha has always made an engagement else- where, which we suspect is intentionally prearranged lest she be over-persuaded to “wear her welcome out.” This last idea is to be commended. A provisory sort of engagement, made s» as to be a little elastic, enables one to prolong one's visit, if it be really desired by all parties, or. will serve as a reason for not acecepting, if we wish to go, or our invitation seem merely prompted by politeness. A bit of sentiment in the form of a “guest-book’ 18 sometimes the fad of a hostess. One gshould welcome any oppor- tunity to give her pleasure. In case of a protracted visit, where the guest fits into the family life, one needs AT (Continued on Page Seven.)