The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, November 10, 1901, Page 2

THE SUNDAY CALL, - MR/ BURTON KING/'LAND Jomething _#bout Chaperons, Jheir Use and Abuse. Copyright, 1901, by Doubleday, Page & Co. HEN a general distribution & halos takes place,” once dafd a bright woman, “the head of the willing and unsung martyr, known as a chaperon, will be found créwned, toco, I am persuaded, among the world's elect.” Not many of us will be found worthy to wear one of greater radiance, if cheer- fulness, an absolute disregard of self, in- genuity in improvising pleasures in which she takes but an observer's part, and an unwearied amiability that keeps her sweet, smiling and wakeful until her young charge has had her fill of pleasure, be any qualification for such a reward. The post is no sinecure, and its duties are often a thankless, unenviable task. Of course, the natural chaperon of 2 girl is her own mother, whose interest in all that in any way concerns her child makes the position an easy one and all her labor of love; but one whese presance is imposed to “play propriety” where no such necessity is recognized, naturally feels the embarrassment of beingstinwel- come. It is therefore but fair that her position should be understood and defined. The Need of Chaperons. In Europe, and in those parts of Amer- ica which have felt the influence of Old World customs, the first demand of pol- ished society is that young girls shall be properly chaperoned. It is considered one of. the elegances of life, one of the graces of the best soclety and an evidence of the tender respect with which young wo- manhood i§ regarded; such a formality being held to safeguard it from all chance of evil or the appearance of it. The world has grown too small, through the closer intercourse of its civilized peo- ples, for any to escape its inherited tradi- tions and prejudices. Time was when we were so provincial and inconspicuous that we could make our own social laws, and we were proud of the freedom that could exist between our young women and their men acquain- tances, and protested against the duenna system as a reflection upon thelr trust- worthiness. Strong in their innate sense of propriety, their moral dignity, discretion and mod- esty, the girls felt quite competent to take care of themselves, and the young men rezented the suggestion of a chap=- ron as an insuit to their honor, From their mental attitude, thelr self-respect- ing standpoint and the customs of their environment, they were justified, and there are not wanting many yet to hold these opinions. To such I would say that chaperonage is a representative thing. It typifies the sheltering care, the jealous protection, of something very precious. It sets a higher value upcn the object by protecting and hedging it round in the eyes of others, and particularly in those of young men who are apt to sigh for the fruit t.at hangs highest, The Value of a Chaperon. There is no doubt, also, that the pres- ence of a chaperon greatly fmproves the manners of the young people. There are girlis who are inherently well bred, but who, having the natural, in- stinctive desire to please, sometimes fear to be considered prim, proper and “goody- goody,” if they do not join in the pranks and imitate the manners of those who seem to be overmuch at thelr ease in young men's soclety. To such the pres- ence of a chaperon 18 never an unwel- come restraint, A loud laugh, familiar manners, unre- strained attitudes, are not attractive; and in the freedom of the club men discuss these matters, and those who fancy that such recommend them are held cheap. A vivacious girl, with the high spirits of youth and its Ignoranee of the world and Its ways, has sometimes been mis- understood and placed In a false position, which the presence of a chaperon would have averted, Many a girl would give the world (o effece memories of .indiscretions of con duct that bring a blush when recalled, Motherless and brotherless girls are egpe- rially In danger of misconception. ‘Ihe often rough criticlsm of other girls heard from a brother lg a lesson in manners that usually makes an impression, If a chaperon I8 what she should be, her presence will not wet-blanket the merriment and spontaneity, but merely tone down the excessive exuberance; the @irls will not be less winsome but less giddy, with manners high bred, not con- spicuous, “‘What are the moments in life most likely to be remembered?’ asked ond clever woman of another. *“Those In which we forgot ourselves,” was the an- swer, given with a sigh. A girl I8 sometimes glad to Intrench herself behind the bulwarks that soclety has reared about her, to defend herself from unwelcome devotion or attentions. * The Proper Chaperon. A chaperon should be an example (o her young charges in the conventions, and all soclal questions should be refer- red to her. 8he should therefore be em- phaticaily a gentlewoman, knowing the usages of polite society; her reputation, of course, above question. A Eurcpean father who had lost his wife would never place a yonng unmar- fed daughter at the head of his house without a resident chaperon, and the im- propriety of doing so Is now acknowl- edged with us, - There are not wanting, in this country of finaneial ups and downs, ladics who are qualified in every way for such a po- sition. Such a one ghould be treated by every one in the heusehold as though she were the sgoclal equal and entitled to the same deference as the lady of the house whom she represents. Then, and only then, can she do justice to the position and give to the young girl what she needs. A Chaperon’s Duties. The chaveron should endeavor to sece that hospitable doors are open to her charge; that well bred and . agreeable yoong men are presented to her, and it is her responsibility that the girl recipro- cates the attentions that she recelves In a manner befitting her position. Much tact is necessary nct to draw the rein too tightly. A leading strap would be the better figure; that leaves the young subject free, but checks readily when it is necessary. A chaperon must be careful never to antagonize her charge or appear to watch her. She should re- spect the privacy of her letters, and never take the onportunity to rebuke or con- demn when a confidence is given. Indeed, her only chance of success is to win the girl's real respect and affection, and then cncourage confidence In order to be able to act for her good and advantage and never from personal! motives or curlosity. 1t is her duty, however, to reprove her charge if she Is careless in her demeanor with young men. All invitations to men should be given in the name of the moth- er or chaperon. In traveling through Xurope young girls may go almost anywhere under proper chapercnage—to theaters, operas, studios and Into soclety Only when in- trenched within the dignifiea position of a worker can a young woman dispense with the demand of etiquetie for a chape- ron, A young man regardful of the proprig- ties never asks a girl to accompany him to any place of amugement without either extending the invitation to her mother or chaperon, or asking some married woman of suitable age and position to accompany them. Under exceptional circumstance a young brother has sometim been al- lowed to fill the position of duenna, prob- ably becauge of a boy's well known repu- tatlon of allowing nothing to escape hi observation, and reticen not belng a conspicuous characteristi A theater par of Ung persons un- chaperoned would be considered as quite beyond the pale of good iety In New York The host calls first for the chaperon before golng for the young woman, unless it Is arranged that they are to meet at her house AL a supper after the theater he seats that lady first and treats her as the gucst of honor An entertainment at a man’'s bachelor apartments, at the annex of his club or at a restaurant of reputation may be en Joyed by young girls properly chaperoned One of his own marrted kinswomen would give much dignity to the gayety, When a lady 18 invited to be (hupuuu for a speclal occaston, a carriage I8 al- ways sent (o take her to the place ap pointed, If the host does not call for her, and returns to take her home An Agreeable Chaperon, A chaveron should e¢ndeavor to make hersell so0 agrecable that her soclety will not be more of a penance to the young man who fal's to her lot than she can help. Bhe need not “talk down' to him and In her conversation she should re 8 moember that the young do not enjoy grave subjectswhen merriment has been the object of thelr meeting, Nelither should she try to place herself on his level and assume alrs of juvenility, She will only appear ridiculous to the keen (Continued on Page 1.) X