The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, November 11, 1900, Page 6

THE SUNDAY CALL. Wise 3’auny Jteads. Some children have wise heads set om their diminutive shoulders. Here's an ex- ample that is really true. Three little girls were given 15 cents! each by their fond mammas and allowed to go to a church lawn party recently. The next day they were heard discussing the event in much the same strain that their older sisters would do. Said one lit- tle curly head: “l think those ladies were real stingy with their cake. They only gave us one little bit of a piece.” “Why, we could buy a whole loaf of cake at a bakery for 5 cents,” chimed in another little tot. ““And did you see that lady give her own little boy three pieces?” volunteered the third. “But then-we had a real nice time and got nice large dishes of ice cream,” con- tinued the first speaker in turn. “Yes, and my big sister says we mustn’t *spect as much for our money at a church sociable, ’cause it’s to help them,” added another of the trio. That last remark set- tled it with the three little maids.— ‘Worcester Spy. SOMETHING LIKE THAT. Mrs. Wiggins—John, dear, do you re- member how you proposed? Mr. Wiggins—Yes; I said “l.et’'s play a game of chess, will you, Mary?’ and I guess you only heard the last three words,”’—Indianapolis Sun. > S IN A BANK BOOK. Cholly—I can’t find words to express my love for your daughter, sir.” Her Father—Figures will do. @+F HIS MOTIVE. Angela—How careful your cousin Tom is of his wife’s health. She told me yes- terday that he never would let her go out shopping in wet weather. Heler—Careful eof her health! Not much! He's ashamed to have her seen out in that rainy day skirt of Lers.—Som- erville Journal. WISE BOBBY. Teacher—Who is it that sits idly by, doing nothing, working? Bobby—The teacher. while everybody else is CEREBRO-GASTRIC. Petted Daughter—They asked me to play at Mrs. Highup's this evening, and 1 did, but— Fond Mother (proudly)—Were they not entranced? Petted Daughter—Hum! “Life on the Ocean Wave,” tions. haif of them left the room. When I playea l ever went through. Fond Mother (ecstatically)--That's woi- | derful. They must have bcen Spare Moments, WHAT HE NEE®RED. said the “How “Here's a very good book,” persistent railway bookstall boy; to Win a Woman.” “Look here,”’ said the bald-headed pas- senger, “if. you've got one on how to lose 'em I'll buy it at your own price.”"—St. Louis Post Dispatch. ANOTHER SUSPICIOUS CASE. ‘“Waiter, are you sure this is a pork sausage?"” “Yes, sir; I hope you do not think other- wise?"” . ‘“Well, er—no. But, waiter, 1 was a lit- seasick.— | NARROW ESCAPE. Yunker—Did T ever tell you about that narrow escape I had from a hotel fir: while I was in New York? Eldster—Naw. Yunker—It was -the narrowest escape I The check from with varia- | Uncle John arrived while the landlord was sending for a policeman.—Indiarmapo- lis Press. DISCREPANCIES. “There’s no use o' tryin’ to explain it,” said Farmer Corntassel. “Tryin’ to explain what?" inquired his wife. “The way boys'll spend the hull day climbin’ trees to rob birds’ nests an’ go to sleep before happast ten in the mornin' 'ef you send 'em cut to collect a few hens’ eggs.”"—Washington Star. MADL {1IM TIRED. . Brown—You are not so young as you were, you know. Greene—I den’t know whetker I do or not. Ag:s mix me up awfuily. If m not so voung as I was, neither .s .ny sis- tle curious to know how this dog's license | ter so old us she was ten vears ago. happened to be in it.”"—Chicago Daily | Please don'* ask me to explain. It makes News. my head ache every time I think of it. @i {3 2 200 2o 2 200 0 0 20 2 2 e Yt % 3 3 “I suppese, my dear young lady, that you will return to ecollege soon and take | his Bl your reguiar class work with great interest. What studies will you pursue?” | I \ @ CONCERNING COUGHS, “I am zl‘d."'said Senator ‘that I have a soul superior to slang; ofetet Sorghum, O . GOOD OF THE L FOREIGN ELEMENT. . . Wunn—Don’'t you think this constant in- | fusion of foreigners is one of the elements otherwise I'd be tempted to inaugurate a | of our country’'s strength? persecution of some harmless and useful members of society.” “Who are they?’ “The men who peddle candies on the street. After I have been iInterviewing men of wealth about our campaign fund to hear these venders offer to stop any kind of a cough for a few cents is abso- lutely maddening.”—Washington Star. THE FUTURE WOMAN. Mamma—These groceries only came to 9 cents. Mr. Sands should have given you 10 cents change. Elsie—Yes, ma'am, he did.” Mamma—Well, where is it? Elsie—Why, mamma, they were selling peanut molasses candv, and it seemed such a bargain at 1) cents a pound I just couldn’t help taking a pound.—Phila- | delphia Press. FATE. “That woman lecturer said it was wvul- gar to sneeze.” “Well ™ “Then she sneezed.””—Chicago Record. L S o o e o e e S O e | | ' H ' - | ’ . . . ' ! $ bride to disremember it. J NO NEED TO WORRY. “My good man,” said the earnest re- former to the misguided man who was tarrying but little between flowing bowls, “my good man, you should cease this un- seemly carousing. You are in danger of an attack of delirium tremens.” ““Thash all ri’,”” answered the misguided person; ‘‘don’t you worry, ol' fel’. I'm shnake charmer by p’feshun.””—Baltimore American. MIGHT HAVE LEFT THAT. Mrs. Starvem—That Mr. skipped out without paying his board. Mr. Starboard—Well, relief to you. You've often declared he was an elephant on your hands. Mrs. Starvem—I should say he was an him.—Philadeiphia Press. TENDER-IIZSARTED. *“Talk about your tender-hearted men,” | satd the garrulous individual, speaking of friend, ‘‘that man is hearted that he will cross the street s0 to “Oh! yves; foothall, vasket-bail, golf, bowling, rowing, archery and hockey, and— 'u\'uh! mecting men that cwe him money.” and—well, maybe I'll take up a little literature just for recreation.” —Indianapoiis News. i 'Rastus (irterrupting minister during marriage ceremonyt—.ffuh:-\n, | min’ readin’ dat part about “love, honor an’ obey” jest once mo'” Slopay has ‘ that should be a | elephant, for he’s taken his trunk with | tender- ! Tuther—That's too big a question to an- swer offhand. But I do know that it is bound to result in a strong race of politi- cians. Nobody but a man of the best stamina is able to stand the strain of car- | rying all the different rational beverages y through a campaign.—indianapolis Press. , e i VERBATIM ET LITERATIM Clerk—Those new gloves are to sell foe a dollar, aren’'t they? Dealer—-Who wanta to know? Mre. Markley? Oh, she's easy. Tell her $1 75, though of course they're only worth a dollar. Clerk (to Mrs. Markley a moment later) —They’'re $1 75, ma'am, though of course they’'re only worth a dollar.—Philadelphia Press. IN MOURNING. “Oh, shame!” cried the neighbors; “she's ] playing again!"’ | What harm? The poor widow was lonely. | She found the piane a solace, and then | She was using the black keys only —Catholic Standard and Times. ittt ittt @ S . L . L) would you 1 doan" want de e i e e S e PUTTING A HEAD ON “This is a great story,” said the new re- { porter, “but I can’'t think of a goed head for it. It's about a trusted empiloye whose accounts were found to be crooked, and when he was accused of it dropped dead.™ IT. | “That's easy.,” said the Snake editor, | helpfully; “head it ‘Died from Expos- | ure.” "—Philadelphia Press. STRATEGY. t t “What did you expect to prove by that exceedingly long-winded argument of yours?" asked the friend, “I didn't expect to prove anything.” an- | swered the orator. ‘““All I hoped to do was ztn confuse the other fellcw so that he { couldn’'t prove that I didn't prove any- thing.”"—Washington Star, . OF GOLF. !THE DANGEROUS GANME | Professor Wise—I understand that golf 1€ o fascinating game. I am almost afraid to learn it. Professor Brayne—So am 1. A friend of | mire learned it and he spends a lot ¢f ‘!'::‘»- at it which ke realiy cught Lo de- : vote Lo bugs.—Puck.