The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, July 22, 1900, Page 3

THE SUNDAY CALL. TALES OF EAST. THE 1t =0 happened one meoerning i 15y Perturbed Grand Vizier was taking his chocolate he picked up a sporting paper and saw a picture of the row between Corbett and Fitzsimmons. It interested him at once, and, calling his Highly Exalted But Somewhat Uneasy Prime Min- ister, he said i “Ho! Assim. but here is something that we have somechow missed. Ge thou out on the streets of my city and inquire if any of my subjects know of boxing | gloves and how to use them. If thou canst find me a man who will put me up to the tricks of straight jabs, left-hocks and uppercuts, 1 will bestow upon him | 10 wives and a thousand goats.”™ The H. . B. 8. U". P. Minister bent his back and bowed his head and went forth, and after walking the »ts for half an hour he came across a s!lurl— kaired man with a broken rose, who was just about to sign an agreement 1o fght the Turkish Kid to a finish for the gate receipts. He was commanded to the presence of the Shah, with two sets of boxing gloves under icst no time getting there. - T - SERrIe wouldst learn to box, O S ' said the Shah, as he threw off his L < put b gloves 3 » art, and thy reward shall be as As- s promised But, Ruler of the World, | inot teach thee unless 1 strike ouy, ~ protested it Lgr i { t. Put on the gloves and lead for my nose.” Th lghiweight knew 3 thing or two, i he led gently and allowed the Shah 1 k himm off hi=x pins wi a munter When this happened about six. i mes, bowever, his fighting blood began to circulate; he thought himseif the ring with the Turkish Kid, and he hauvled off and knocked the Truly De- 1.evoiont into the mide! f next week by al w on the jaw. ‘ — Al the end of seven minutes the Shah sat up and looked around; and present- 1y. as he found his palace still standing, a beautiful smile stole over his face, and L said “Son of a Gun, thou hast taught me boxing and the wives and the goats are thine.” “Thank=e, O Your Mightiness!” repliad the lightweight. “But as thou hast dared to thump your king at the same time, and as it was & thump which loosened four teeth and bit my tongue, Assim will see that your head is struck off and your grave kept as green as the stgte of our water works will permit!” O LR TETDEOROE T ONTSET RECOGNIZED HER. DRSPS RSB Y R SEDS @ PRODIGIOUS STRENGTH. Browne—Is that doctor’s son as strong as is reported? Towne—Oh, yes. one of his is f World. ] “Who is at the telephone, Herr Bren- del™” “Your wife, sir.” “What does she want?” “The only word 1 can understand ‘numskull.’ ” { “j.ot her come here; she probably wants | to talk with me.”—Der Dorfbarbier. | Why, I saw him lift father’s Dbills.—New York DICK’S DESCRIPTION. This is little Dick’s description of his first flash of lightning and first clap of IN THE EARLY MORN. y Persia that as the Truly Benevolent But Slight- ‘ bis arm, and he | ““ pe None Jo Dedf. An incident which has cauised Secr Gage to be exceedingly cautious of ° men’’ occurred recently. Congressman John H. Ketcham of Do- ver Plains, N. Y., is mere or less hard of hearing. He holds his hand up fo hLis car | while you are addressing him, and man- ages to catch your meaning fairly well. Just how much he Lears is open (o ques- tion, and the Seeretary of the Treasury, for one, has is own suspicions that “Uncie John" is not guite so deaf as he appears. It happened this way. as related in Syucceess: i Mr. FKetcham had been in Congress so long that he had vuzed up ali the patronage to which he was entitied, and couidn’t get any more places for his constliuents. But | , one day this spring he called on Mr. Gage. “There is a man up in my town,” ‘ne ex-| plained, “who must be fixed, and 1 want you te fix him.” “1 caun't do it,” | went Ketcham's | | | 1 | { | i ! { 1 { ! replied- Gage {and up hand to his ear), "be- cause there are no vacancies in my de- partment.” “Yes, that's what he wants,” Ketcham, “place in your depariment The Secretary looked at his visitor in- tently and said, in a lower tone: “The civil service rules cover all | pointments under 3120 ¢r $iod a4 year."” “Thai will be satisfactory. He will not expoct more than $1220 a year.” Mr Gage was growing desperate. “I tell you,” he fairly velled, I ean't do | anything for your man. There is no use l‘ brirging him down here.” “*All right,”” said the imperturbable Con- gressman, rising, *I'll bring him dowa,” | and out he walked, leaving the Secretary fin a state of coliapze. ' Sure encugh, a day or two later the deafi said | " ap- i man walked in with a constituent. “Here is my friend that you pmmiswl! to place,” he said. ’ “Good I.ord,” said Gage (and up went | i the other’'s hand), “didn't [ tell you Ii ! could do nothing, absclutely nothing?” “Hey?™ “Didn’t 1 tell you not to bring your man | . here, because 1 had no place for himn?"’ ! *“No: veu said you would give him a place at about $1200; so I sent for him, and here he jis.” ! The Secretary was in despair. He looked the Congressman in the face—it was & | | blank. In sheer desperation he tapped a beil for an assistant, told the latter to take the constituent to Mr. B—, and, if possible, to find him a place. The Con- | gressman shook hands all around and de- | parted with an expression of benevolence on his countenance. The man got a fairly | | good place. The Congressman still rather deaf. The Secretary—well, he' has ! hiz own susbpicions. | —_——————————————— ! ! IT BROUGHT HER. ! | | | is “Well, madam, if you positively refuse | to tell your age I suppose I can inquire | of the lady next deor and let her guess at : Ao | “Young man, you stand right still there | where you are. I'll be back in a moment i with the family Bible.”—Cleveiand Piain | Dealer, i ® A HARD FALL, MoJigger—He fell into Jones’ well, and it never feazed him. Thingumbob—Ycu don’t say! D.dn't hurt | | him, eh? { McJigger—No; and you know how hard | the water is in Jones’ well.—Phiiadelphia | Press. COULDN'T TELL. “What is the difference between a prop- osition and a proposal?”’ inquired the pro- fes lecturing on **Words and Their De tions.” i “l never had a proposition,” replied the | pretty girl at the foot of the class.—De- | troit Free Press. i UP-TO-DATE TACTICS. Sergeant Finnegan (on the skirmish | line)—Stiddy, me byes; sure they be tn.)l far off yit, but whin they get furninst thol | bushes there, thry a few blank vartridgesl at "em until yees git the range.—Life. SHE DID. “] guess she does™ ! ! P NIRRT TR O A LIMITED STOCKHOLDER. Passenger (indignantly)—Why don’'t you run more cars or this line? Conductor—Why, to tell you the truth, 1 only own a half-million of the stock of | this line, so I don't have much to say about it.—Judge. ONE OR THE OTHER. “A married woman ought to feel vounger and happier after 5 than be- fore.” “Yes: she has either got the upper hand of her husband by that time or has quit | trying to get it.”—Indianapolis Journal. TOO DRY FOR HIM. De Tanque—Why does Guzzler.never go away in the summer? O'Soaque—He's afraid he might accl- dentally stumkbie across one of those watering places.—Philadelphia Record. EXPERT EVIDENCE. “What is a phenomenon, Clara?" “A phenomenon is a man who can carry ar umbrella over a woman without poking her eyves out or puiling her hat off.”—Chi- cago Record. sk GREAT STRIDES. Slobbs—What advances the science of healing has made. The medieval doctors bled patients for quite a few diseases. Blobbs—Yes; nowadays they're bled for them all.—Philadelphia Record. = ENE SN TR Tat Tat TRt St TN TS Tat Tak Tat Tt T Tae S S ] Singleton—That baby of yours is getting to be guite a big chap. Wederly—Well, I should say. He gains ebout ten pounds an hour when I have to walk the floor with him nights.—Chi- cago News. thunder: “Oh, mamma, 1 saw an angel go into heaven and bang the door after it.” Jimmy—1I guess you feel pretty bad that you have lost your job. Johnny—I don't care a bit about the job, but I wish I had the pay, just the same.—Boston Post. RAILROAD TERM, POOR TRAIN SERVICE.