New Britain Herald Newspaper, December 22, 1922, Page 24

By MRS, W. L, GEORGE (This is the first article Mrs, George has ever written). LL husbands need managing. A chiefly because they must always be led to think they are having thelr own way, If you really want a man to do something do not suggest to him that he would like it. Vanity plays quite large & part In man's character as it does in woman's, Therefore, to create that atmosphere of holy calm and peace, It is wise to let the man feel that he alone is responsible for every- ‘thing pleasant that happens; to sug- gest that when the Ash doesn't ar- rive for: dinner this wouldn't have happened .if only he had given the order, My position was not quite that of the. ordinary bride, as 1 came to ‘a house that had heéen in running order. for some years; not only had 1tp manage two little sons, but also servants who had their own routine of work. I found I had moré or less to adapt myselt to the household and not the ‘houseliold to me. My husband had warned me’ before our "mirriage “that the cook had: been with him ‘for'six years, and that'if we did not. get on together one of us " ‘would "have to leave. Before our marriage he had managed the house- hold himself, In' 'my opinion inef- ficiently - and expensively; but he was very pleaced with himself; he therefore considered that it was op to,me to get ‘on with the cook. It s astonishing how unpractica! men are in the house when one con- siders the method and precision with which they.-manage their businesses. For instance, it took me considerable time to convince my husband that it would be easier to éonvert one of the drawing room windows into a French. window. than to erect steps up to a zash window, and another flizht of steps down to a roof garden W were building. I did not say he was wrong. That would have been ‘utal, 1 merely bewailed the bad buidirg of English windows; I led him to talk c” windows in general; i+ led the conversation to French wapariments! Then, in a burst of imazination he. not'1, had the great wez [t was he who suggested the French w.ndow [ wanted. The chiet ining in marriaze is to convince the ma.e Of iis superiority, He will then net ‘worry him ' as to who really q.vee the ol Wheo i i thought T was unsertaking o louk after a husband, hotise und tro little boys, but after BV of aasriake 1 sometimes wender whethe® | have not unders 1aken the care f two litr'e hoys, one house and @ ' by “The man who unds s all abou: women” is much akin to the men who don't. Like other men he requires imme- diate svmpathy with- his pleasvros and puins: in the !rtest thing whicn intere: : when he {3 de- pressed he dersanas that 1 shoiid tind for him o:n:r amusements, But be differs from other men inas- muaa “hat, when he had a falr ienings and talge . about the things ‘ which interest him, he is wi'ling to listen for a few ‘inutes to the things which interest ae, and which I con- sider {t 18 good for him to share In. Naturally. havin, been given the reputaiion of Knowing all about women, he thinks hat he knows all about me do” ¢ to the smallest de- tail. e is c¢omvinded that he can always read my thoughts, and at one time we ugad to 1 1v long argnments when [ aeekly tried to assert what was rea’ly aeeun my mind Now, for the ‘ake f jeuce. T avneral'y tell him what t wonderful in<ight he has, and then e .3 satiefaction to persuude ‘m to give in to me on some point 0 which he has pre. viously refrsed s consent One very sub ' method he:em- ploys with .ie ‘s to insist that [ should make own decision about things ~onnected with myself or the children, but he [’ far too cleyer to rake this line excepting when he is oufte sure tha i i a decition on which | shall neer hi. advice., This has cauged me many hours of dis- t1esg, but T have now discovered that ft often suffices to d*aw him wently Into an argument and thus get ha opinien without definitely asking for his advice If In tb anner | fall tn get my own way, 1 create ubont myself an atmosphere of deepest de- pression and gloom, until, being un- able to bear with this any longer, he at last relents, One pecilliarity of his, of which he is totally uraware, but which in tha youngest hoy is rapidly developing, {x an obstinacy which takes the form of greeting any new suggestion witn the words: “1 won't." For instance, T told him that he needed a new «pring mattress for his bed: also, a few days later, § suggested that his country svit was In rags and must be replaced. Both though ohwiougly ¢! greeted without any hesitation by 4 von't ! We argued the matter at some fength, and | was told that if a new mattress appeared he would throw it aut of the window. After an ex: hausting half hour | gave way. Then “First, I picked out the gowns I liked; I encouraged him to stay up late. 1 engaged him in argumeat just be- fore he went to bed. 1 regularly in- auired how he had slept and con- doled with: him on his bad nights He sleeps perfectly. but he began to fancy that he sufiered from insom- nia. Suddenly, ten days later, he suggested to me that ‘something needed repairing in his bed. In the last few days it had suddenly grown uncomfortable. This mattress be- ing =o old, didn't [ think it would be a good plan to scrap it and buy a new one? Mrs. W. To wii. conly replied that 1 wae 8o sorry he should have been suffering such discomfort, and con veyed the impression that his sug- gestion was entirely original. The same thing happened in regard to the country sult. My suggestion must have gone round and round in his mind until-he persuaded himself that here was another original ldea of his own, Without any further referwice to our previous argument, he asked me if 1 would mind call- ing at his tailor's to look at some patterns. When | arrived 1 dis- covered to my surprise that they were patterns for country suits! This form of obstinacy brings him into constant conflict with the cqually obstinate small son. Neither will give way, and sometimes 1 find I need all my tact to keep compara- tive peace, as it is rather difficult to correct the father before the son. One day I left them quite havpily preparing to build a castle of bricks on the nursery floor, but after a few moments violent screams were heard and 1 rushed to rhem, expecting to find the baby had hurt himself. In- L. George. gteud [ found both purple with pas- sion, clutching bricks tightly in both hands, refusing to part with them, as neither would bulld the towgr the way the other wanted. | have never vet been able to make my husband gee that as the tower was being built for the baby's amusement he was Justified in having 1t built the way he wanted, aad that my hus band was the one who was showing the worst form of ohstinacy by in- sisting that the child should be amused only in the way he chose. To me it ia u most astonishing fact trat all men seem to demand the same resoning power from a small child as they do from a grown person. Another thing which used to cause me constant worry and convince me of a sense of my own shortcomings was his criticism of the meals and the cooking of the food that I pro- vided: Tn view of the warning given me before marriage I began to feel that my reign in this household wonld be one of short duration. The cook, as I have said, had been In the house six years, and I had al- ways heard her spoken ‘of so highly that T felt convinced the fault must lie with me and my choice of food rather than with her manner of cooking. I was also constantly being told what an easy matter it was to keep house, and how magnlificently everything had been managed when my husband had run the house him- self, giving the entire orders for the day nurse in less than ten minutes. 1 sald nothing, but next morning I told the cook to go to the study and ask my husband for orders. This proved a most successful counter at- tack, and complaints ceased in an almost miraculous manner. 1 wonder if it is not husband should sSometimes a mistake that my be known as the man who Kknows all about women. Perhaps his title should be “The Man- Who Knows All About Woman's Clothes," for on matters of dress he certainly has a very full knowledge down to the emallest detail. One of my trials be- fore going to a party is that the moment he comes into my room he examines me from head to foot, and then says: “Now turn round slowly and let me look at the back." After suffering acute agony, while waiting for his approval, 1 either gain It or make the microscopic alteration he requires to the angle of my hat. Then [ emerge from my room feel- ing that I can face ihe world, per- fectly assured that not a hook Is unfastened and not a speck of pow- der out of place. Criticism of this kind is, T think, an excellent thing in one's husband, but I was rather dismayed the other day when the baby told me | looked horrible in one frock, but might he come down t the drawing room when 1 had on a different one, "Also the elder boy, when | was taking him back to «chool, said: “I'm glad you've got that on; it's so important the other boys should sce you wearing a de- cent hut.” 1t is very good to subject one's clothes to critielsm, but when a man of 40, a boy of 11 and a small child all take a share in it ife be- comes o little too strenuous. Some times | lose my temper, defy them all, and te!l them to mind their own business epv " Now Vork Hseain ““‘1....'””““ \l/,' - W e to cook,” housemaid and . e : ¢then I let him look at—only those I had chosen. He selected one. and thought he was managing '’’’ me and my wardrobe. It's very simple.” The cholce of clothes {s indeed a very difficult one when one has to consider the taste of one's husband as well as one’s own, I find the only satist®ctory way of dolng it s to make him share the responsibility. This means two visits to my dre maker instead of one; on the first visit T make a selection of all thy models which I myself am willing to wear; on the second visit T take my husband with me, allowing him to give the cdsting vote, always being careful slightly to disparage the one W. L. dress | really Intend to have. Take ing him with me Is my Insurance agalust his future disapproval, as after havjng once sanctioned the final cholce he relinquisher al! rights of criticism. | shall never forget a certain hat 1 took with me to Amer- ica. Every time 1 wore it something seemed o go wrong. My husband complained that I looked depressed, and 1 charged him with looking dis- centented, till one day ‘I suddenly discovered that though he had helped to choose the hat he now disliked 1t, and that his air of discontent was the Il “How | Handlo#<Man Who Knows Al About Womon”™ cause of my depression, There and then we burned the hat, and from that moment decided that he should have the right to express disap- proval on condition that he shoud replace the conlemned article, We have both agreed that it is fatal for a woman to wear clothes in which ghe feels herself a failure, or, as in my case, to wear a frock which does not win her husband's approval, A woman who thinks her clothes ugly at once becomes ugly. These remarks should not be taken as a complaint, It makes life so much mare interesting to know that 0o detafl of new clothing, however small, will fail. to be, noticed and commented on. I should hate to hear my husband say: ‘‘Corking hat! I 93 b £ voh always liked you in it 1zst summer,” when I had the day before spent hours choosing it. I prefer to be oc- casionally worried with comments, Even it'I do pc% agree with them, they keep me interested in my &p- pearance, Married to W. L. George, 1 should never dare to grow slovenly as T might with an amiable person who thought me adorable, however much I might let myself age. There are other advantages In liv- ing with “the man who understands all about women.” For instarce, one George. of the delightful sides of my hus- band's ‘character is that he Is con- stantly saylpg: “Come out with me this afternoon and we'll buy some- tking nice.” This Is 80 much more satisfactory than bringing me home & box of candy, or something equelly uaeless or unexciting. [ think that ai husbands would do well to prac- tice this habit ot giving unexpected presents and allowing one to assist in théir choice, He does this when he thinks 1 am depressed and also when he I8 elated, so that 1 may Joini in his elation. |'feel sure for instance, that {f he likes this article 1 shall be conducted to an expensive hat shop. Perhaps I ought not to say this, since h€ may take it as a rather broad hint, but he is one of those skeptical people who do not ocare whether hints are broad or delicate, since he understands them equally well in either .ase, Reverting to the drawbacks which cannot be avolded, even if ¢ne has married one's ideal man, I should mention that, unitke the majority of men I have met, my nusband has a thirst for information on all sub- jects down to the smallest detall. This 1 sometimes find intensely irri. tating. Also, in all matters, he likes to have a hard and fast rule, Thus, thgugh 1 can convince him that black s black and white is white it in 'almost impossible to show him that the two make gray. I cope with this according to the old fashioned recipe which declares that you can drown a cat with cream. If my hus- bund demands Jetalls I do not want to give I smotheg, him in entirely un- interesting Information umtil he grows bored and concerns himself no more with the subject. s When my engagement was an. nounced many of my friends as- sured me that I was making a great mistake in marrying a man fourteen years older than myself. They said it would mean giving up many of my social pleasures, that a man of his age would not care constantly to g0 out to theaters, dances &c., and would expect me to settle down to quiet evenings at home with him, I refused to be disheartened by their gloomy prophesies, privately making up my mind that while I might be marrying a man who was my senior in years I fully intended to make him my contemporary in pleasures. I think I have been successful be- ; cause I now find when we spend an evening alone that he invariably re- | marks: “How delighttul to be alane for an evening. By the way,’ if we haven't a party b-nwrw_: night would you like to g0 to tha theater?” ] Another instance of this youthtul impetuosity is his love of travel and | his willingness to change his plans, at a moment's notice. I have found | it necessary to make & rule that: when we are going away for a j week end he may change his mind - as often as he likes during the week ' " before We go; but having once in-, duced me to pack he may nqt ch his mind on the way to mflo“:'? Otherwise I might find mywel with | clothes suitable for :the depths of ' the country, being taken ‘to 1. smartest hotel at a ! side place. S B Is it pleasant to live with il who often (though not u.l.w:;:; ‘\ knows what you are feeling? On ! the whole, yes, though, of cotrss, it g has many drawbacks as well ag ad- | vantages, It {s delightful to kmow | that when one says that lite's not ! worth living and gives way to rage over & broken egg cup, your hushand Wil atonce grasp the fact that the . broken ezg cup is merely the small i last straw after an accumulation of everything going wrong throughout the day. . Though he s Nke other men, given to asking me stolidly “what is the matter," which when repeated drives any woman frantic he does search for the cause of un. trouble. He knows it {s not the s Cup, #0 he delves in my mind, sug- gests that the children have ird. tated me, or that I have a headachs, or that I am short of money, or that I am bored, or that I want to go North and visit my mother, or , , or... untflhenmumhml; & point that I tell him. Then he comforts me, arranges matters and I feel much better, I am afraid, by the way, that in this regard T am explaining how he manages me r;ther than how I manage him,, But then, happy couples always manag: each other. i t In conclusion I must, however, re- peat that to be married to & man who knows all about women has its disadvantages. Sometimes it s even more trying to be understood than misunderstood, and, most trying of all, when one's husband insists that he understands and in reality ts completely wrong. Often I would infinitely prefer that he would, like the majority of males, leave the ‘room, banging the door behind him, saying: “Oh, women!” than that he should sit down and assure me that he understands completely, thus robbing one of the great satisfastion of being & misunderstood woman, Naturally, & man so interested !4 woman and everything that com- cerns her will take the greatest in. terest in the smallest details eon- nected with her house and affatra. This regard for detall is sometimes very gratifying, but on the ofher hand lays one open to recelving com- plaints about things of which the usual unobservant male knows nothe ing. Of course, having once been kiven the title of the man who understanids all about women my husband is con- vinced that he does, and it is quite useless to point out that sometimes he may be mistaken. His knowle edge, 1 admit, is profound, and his insight has often caused me amase- ment, but is there & man who knows all about women? . . . I wonder.