Evening Star Newspaper, August 1, 1926, Page 83

THE SUNDAY STAR, 'WASHINGTO! D. O, AUGUST 1, 1926—PARY ¥ " Humorists Take Up Motor Risks, Paris Finance and Other Topics When the Car Owner Is Fully Covered By Insuran,ce, Nothing Will Worry Him NA WILCOX PUTNAM. S Mark S. Aurelius, the writer of one of our best known schoolbooks, said in a censored chapter, “Careful driving of your car is the best Insurance Policy.” And the truth of that remark cer- tainly come into the place where my mind is supposed to be sonly the other day when I and George, that's my husband, had an accident with our car. Naturally it would never of happened at all if I.had been driving, on account I have never vet had a accident of any kind. That time I run into the fire-alarm box and brought out the whole fire-dept. when I hit it was entirely caused b the actelerator being where the foot-brake belonged at the time, and certainly that wasn't my fault The time I run over the barrel of apples belonging to that farmer and made complete cider out of them, well, nobody could blame me for that, he ought to of seen I was headed for the sidewalk and got his old barrel out of the way in time, and at that he admitted after, that he intended making cider out of them apples all the time, and all 1 done was crush ‘em up in a kind of in- convenient place. The time 1 backed up through the plateglass window of ‘that shop and killed two new tires and a coupla inner tubes wasn’t a accident, niether. Geo. had left the car in reverse, and how was I to know that when he asked me to take the wheel? No, as a person can plainly see, 1 am_a most unusual driver, and if 1 had been driving, no such acci- dent would have occurred, nothing like it—it would have been a lot worse, and in addition deprived me of all the pleasure of picking on Geo. because of it. But as things happened, all Geo. could say to me was, for the luvva tripe, Jennle, if you hadn't of been driving from the back seat like you did, it never would of happened. How d'ver think a feller can keep his mind on the job when you keep velling look out for that trolley, dear, watch out for this bad torner, oh for Heaven's sake he careful of that kid on the bicycle? It's enough to cause a accident, he says, the way j;ou driving wives keep pestering we husbands the minute we dast to take the wheel of our own car! And I says Hot Bozo, the only wheel vou are fit to take on that car is the spare, and then you only ought to be trusted with it alone in the garage! I says Not, I says, that I blame you in the least—it was all that other boob's fault And really, we wasn't to blame for this accident at all. On account the way it happened was this. We had a bad dent in the left hind fender, see, and we was on our way to the garage to get it staraightened out. Well, we was going down South Main street, way out near Stix boulevard, and we was running along at about 10 or 15 miles a hour, just a nice speed, see, like we usually do. e ] ELL, we was just turning into the boulevard without looking, when the fellow behind us didn’t put out his hand, so we handn't the faint est idea he was gonner turn, see, which is why that big Complex jammed .into us, coming north on the ieft hand side going South. He was way over on the wrong side of the street, and there was no sense in him claiming, like he done, that so was we, because I am positive sure that George had on his taillights and wasn't driving one particle over 60 at the time. Well anywnys, this other feller, see, he absolutely ignored all signal and drove straight for us. If it hadn’t been for George taking a quick turn to the left and springing hard on the springs o that we cleared the Complex in a single leap. why it might of been much more when we landed, as anybody could see by the condition of our top. Well naturally, after that we both stopped, and the two men took each other’s ' automobile license number, and then took each other’s number in the other sense, if you get what T mean. i serious | for a 20 per cent dividend at least, and |on the top it says: {al | what them policies says. “OUR RADIATOR ‘WAS RADIATING WATER FOR ALL IT WAS WORTH.” what's the idea, whatter you staging, a cross-country race? And the feller says why don’t you pay attention to where you are going or don't you know? ~And then the two of them give the pair of wrecks the double ephis, to find out what they could possibly claim, and our car was a sight. Tn addition to the bad dent we al- ready had in the left hind fender, the lights w smashed, there was a enormous scratch, the size of along the side, the appendix w: - fected and the hair in the cushions standing on end with fright on account the shock-absorbers hadn't worked right. Our radiator was radiating water for all it was worth, and the motor wouldn't turn over, it didn’t haf to, it was turned over al- ready on its side. Outside of that, and a couple of slices out of the wind shield, we wasn't damaged much. But the other feller's car was practically right, he only lost four wheels, the rear of his gastank and control of his tempei But Geo. says to him, all iight, all right, that'll be all right, my insur- ance company will take care of you. don’t worry I am fully covel And the feller says to George of courss I'll pay if it's my fault, all right, all right, I'm fully covered, my insurance company will take care if it!!! And then we each got in our cars and drove home. el L1, believe you me, the first thing I done when we got there was drag out our car-insurance policies, on account now that a ac- cident had happened which was in no way our fault, 1 felt where it was high time we read them policies over to make sure just what was in them. Up to then we had accepted them in the usual conventional manner, by admiring the engraving of the lady in neglige on the cover and the pret- ty gold label. and put em away with the feeling that they was the same as gilt edge bonds. But now I says to Geo., come on, dear, leave us see just Well, we opened up the first, which looked like it had ought to be good “The National Disruption Insurance o And Geo. says you big nut, ' of Dillpickle Towa, Cash Capital 3c. Read the condition of this policy.” that, the condition was good, it hadn’t even been handled before, it was a little yellow around the edges, ana that was alk However, up to the top of the policy was some dates to the effect that it had quite a while to live, and we give a sigh of relief on account things would of been terrible it we had found ft had gone and died | on us. Well dear. I says to Geo. come on, now, read that document over careful, and see are we fully covered by it, lookit dear, 1 says, where it says ‘“Perils,” whatever that may mean. Geo. read the piece where I pointea and it says something to the effect, “This policy does not cover against loss by any of the perils named in paragraphs A to Z or what have you, other than such as have a specific premium, or catch, inserted in the black space opposite thereto. “A. If hit by lightning or destroyed by bad language. “B. While being transported in any conveyance by land or water. Credit allowed for fire-extinguisher? Credit allowed for Ordinary gence? (No.) “C. Theft, robbery of pilferage, ex- cept by personal friends of the assured, the police department, your grand- mother or s0's your old man. Credit allowed for time payments. (None.) “D. Direct loss or damage caused by loss of Temper, Tornado, Earthguake, Rolled Oats, Frontal Sinus, Dishonor- able Discharge or anything else you can think of, but in no event is said damage to be paid for, if avoidable. “Z. All the above is subject to Bump- er Clause, on p. 2 and the 18th Amendment. “TOTAL cost of the abové) ) $9.6215" Well, says Geo. when he had read this, that ain't a bit the way it listen- ed when the feller which sold it to me was doing so. At that time he told me 1 was fully covered. And I says, well, what do they pay for, then? Geo. says I dunno, Jookit these Spe- cial Provisions and Claws, he says, referring to war, riots, misrepresenta. tion and Fraud, for the luvva tripe, he says, look, they've even got some- thing about noon cancellation, he says. I suppose that means if they are about to pay you and the noon shistle blows, they cancel the policy, instead, and go to dinner. ELL, about then I noticed where we had a-second policy as well Well, there wasn't any need to do as this fire and theft one, and it was In Those Days Berths for the Travelers Were Required to Run Crosswise in Cars Ring Lardnei’s Autobiograhpy. HE chief difficulty about the Spanish war lay in finding out where it was being held. The censorship was so strict that even we who had enlisted as generals were kept in the dark as to the location of hostilities and there was some talk of mutiny unless the government came across and at least confided in us whether to march our divisions north, south, east or west. It was all right to have some ci- vilian come up to you and say ‘“‘How is the war, General?" because then you could reply, “Fine, thank you,” but when they asked you “Where is it?” that was a horse with another collar. We all had to have two sets of uniforms, white for home and gray for traveling, because there was no telllng if the battles were to take place at our park or on the road. While we were still in this chaotic state three big pleces of news reached Chicago on successive days—one that | Grant had taken Vicksburg, the sec- ond that Admiral Farragut had van- quished the Spanish fleet Bay, and the third that General Miles had surrendered to Lee Shubert at Appomattox. The war was over and thers was such a divergence among the opinlons of the fight experts that no historian has a right to say who win. Excursion trains were now run from all points in the United States to Washington to accommodate the | applicants for pensions. 1 will never forget my first ride on a sleeping car. In those days it was against the law to have berths run the length of the train; they had to be crosswise, and inasmuch as it was necessary for them to occupy the entire width of the car and also, on account of the uppers, extend from the floor to with- in a couple of inches from the roof, why you can see that both passengers and crew had their troubles when there was occasion to walk from end to end of one car or from one car to another. As a rule, passengers gave it up entirely and from the fime the berths ‘were made up till they were taken down, why the best bet was to stay right in your own berth; that is, pro- vided vou were there when it was made up; otherwise there was no way for anybody but Houdini or a veri- table sliver of a man to get to bed. The rallroads offerdd huge wages for conductors, trainmen and porters measuring so little in circumference that they could make . progress through the infinitesimal crack be- tween the top of the uppers and the top of the cars. It was owing to these conditions that I made the acquantance of Ben Butler and Professor General 5 Ashley Snoot. The three of us met'in the butler's pantry, and I sanitagy water bottle which opportunity to interview Prof. Snoot, at the } in Manila | 0 U Ny ¢ “IT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA,” R THEY EN ~ I . .» ] ) PLIED PROF. SNOOT, “BUT CAN RCE IT?” stood in the vestibule at that end of the car which we had boarded. It de- veloped that Gen. Butler had Upper 5, Prof. Snoot had Lower 6, and I was supposed to be right above him in Upper 6. None of us had the skin- niness to reach our respective berths, which had already been made up. Gen. Butler was taking drink after drink of what he, in a hostile way, (called aqua pura, and I asked him whether he did not think he had had enough. Slumming & ukulele, he sang: 1 love little paper cup. Sweet little paper cup, ough I can never tell why, ut still 1 love paper cup, Fully-fillea _paer - cup. Mingled with bourbon or rye. Soon” we put Gen. Butler to sleep had an |do whom I had always wanted to meet in a sleeping car. “Prof. Snoot,” I began, “how do you pronounce your name “Through the nose,” replied the pedagogue, calling long distance. “But 1 thought you would want to talk to me about biology, as I am professor of biology at the University of Chicago."” (Editor’s note: Prof. Snoot was never connected with the University of Chi- cago.) (Author’s not phone company’ is Midway 100.) (Operator’s note: The number has been changed to Midway 2000.) (Author’s note: Well, lets have that number, please. “All right, Prof.” I said. “What replied That is the tele- fault. The number think of biology?” a ‘wonderful idea,” the policy we was really wanting just then, on account it says Liability & Property Damage Form. And our Form had certainly been badly bent, almost broke, in fact, and we was liable to claim considerable property damage. 5 This 2nd policy got up about like the first, but it was all about what to do after the accident and be fore the doctor arrove. It seems a person was to sit vight down in the middle of the wrecked car, grab the nearest fountain pen and write the company a complete scenario of what happened. Then, if It turned out to be an original story, suitable for use by one of the company's stars, the company would be glad to shelve the matter for future examination. This lapse of time give the insured a chance to hunt up a few witnesses who had been several miles away or more at the time of the accident, get 'em to- gether and kid them into believing that they remember X marked the spot where the body was found, and XX the spot where the chasis was ditto, and ete. And, although this policy was pretty near as full of “‘no exceptions” as the other, Geo. took a chance and wrote the feller that had made up this policy, see, and says “Dear Friend, well, we have had a accident at last, and I am writing to tell you it wasn't our fault at all, and 1 am puttng in a modest claim con- sidering the damage done, in fact 1 do not demand a entire new car as a whole lot of people would, T will be perfectly satisfled if you will jack up the old speedometer and mefely run the rest of the new equipment under it, thank- ing you in advance, as thanks may not be due, later, I am “Affectionately yrs., “Geo. Jules. “P. 8.—Mother and the girls send love.” Well, we feit that was a real diplo. matic_letter, calculated to give the Ins. Co. a clubby feeling towards us, and so it did, but it was Indian Club- by, if you get me. On account when 3 mos. later the adjuster come around and we took him out to look at the remains, he inspected it real éareful, and settled up at once for all the dam- age which he figured could possibly of occurred during the accident. In other words he promptly give us a check to pay for straightening out the left hind fender which we had been on our way to get fixed anyhow! (Covyright. 1926.) Prof. Snoot, “but can they enforce it? We have had it now since January, 1920, and they tell me there is more drunkenness than ever. Why, I un- derstand that women who never drank before are now insisting on a cocktall before dinner.” “Where do they get it, Prof. Snoot?” I inquired. “Call Main 2461, said the Prof. We were now entering the station at Washington. In those days ali trains stopped in the White House garage, and it was up to me to get cleaned up for my presentation to President Hayes. (Copyright. 1926.) “HOW IS THE WAR, GENERAL?"” Do You Know That TELEPHONE wires now stretch acroés the Sinai Desert, over which Moses and Aaron.led the children of Israel. Long-distance service is avail- able between Egypt and Palestine, so that persons in \the principal cities of the Holy Land, Jerusalem and Haifa can talk to Cairo, Alexandria and Port Said, in the land of the Pharaohs. HOLESALE vaccination of school children against tuberculosis has been undertaken at Vienna. There have been no mishaps so far, but the reports have mnot vet been received from all the school: FIJORIDA will have the first ocean- going boulevard in the world when BY ED WY! Dear Mr. Wynn: I have often heard that the worst blow one can re- celve is the kick of a mule. Do you | think a mule can kick harder than a kangaroo? Yours truly, ANN TIPODES. Answer—I have never been kicked | by a kangaroo, but once a mule suc- ceeded in kicking me and for the fol- lowing six months every time I sat down 1 left “footprints.” Dear Mr. Wynn: A friend of mine | has just returned from a trip through | the ‘South American tropics and he | said that sometimes, while walking along, he would sink 10 and 12"inches in the ground. What struck me rather peculiar was his assertion that farmers lived there and cattle grazed all around. How could cattle exist in mud like that? Yours truly, E. QUATER. Answer—Your friend is right. I have been where he speaks of and 1 have seen the mud so deep down there | that the farmers had to jack the cows | up to milk them. | Dear Mr. Wynn: Don't you think | a man will succeed better in life if he | goes by the following rule: “Live and let live"? Trul]y yours, HAMMOND EGGS. Answer—That is a great rule for every one excepting a butcher. Dear Mr. Wynn: In the past 10 days I.have read in the newspapers | of 34 men committing crimes. I dis- covered, by keeping tabs on them, that 28 of the 34 men ran away to Canada. How do you account for that? C. KLUSIVE. Answer—I am surprised, as I| thought everybody knew that it was | the only place “Toronto.” Dear Mr. Wynn: I have been try ing to raise vegetables in a little gar- den in the back yard of my home. I am doing pretty well with everything but cabbages. ‘I have been told that | the Irish method of raising cabbages is the most successful. Can you tell “YOU HAVE A PERFECT RIGHT THE TRAIN Cows in the Tropics Must Be Jacked Up When They Are Milked on Some Farms “A WIDOWER IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME" me how the Irish raise cabbage? Sin- cerely, ARTIE CHOKE. Answer—With a knife and fork. Dear Mr. Wynn: Do you think it TO PUT YOUR HEAD OUT OF W] OWS. BY STEPHEN LEACOCK. 1 0OD morning.” said the valet de chambre, as I stepped from my room in Paris, “Good morning,” I an- swered. “Pray. accept five francs.” | “Good morning, sir," said the | maitre d'hotel, as I passed down the | carridor, “a lovely morning, sis | “So lovely,” I replied. “that I must at once ask you to accept ten francs on the strength of it.” “A beautiful day, monsieur,” said the head waiter, rubbing his hands, “I trust that monsieur has slept well.” “So well,” I answered, “that mon- sfeur must absolutely insist on your accepting twenty francs on the spot. Come, don't deny me. This is a per- sonal matter. Every time I sleep I simply have to give money away.” “Monsieur s most kind.” Kind? I should think not. If the valet de chambre and the maitre d’hotel and the chef de service and the others of the ten men needed to supply me with 15 cents worth of cof- fee, could read my heart, they would find it an abyss of the blackest hatred. Yet they take their handful of change—great grown men dressed up in monkey suits of black at 8 in the morning—and bow double for it. If they tell you it is a warm morn- ing, you must give them two francs. If you ask the time, it costs you two francs more. If you want a real gen- uine burst of conversation, it costs anywhere from a franc to a franc and a half a word. Such is Paris all day long. Tip, tip, tip, till the brain is weary, not with the cost of it, but with the arithmetical strain. No pleastre is perfect. Every rose has its thorn. The thorn of the Pa. risian holiday-maker is the perpetual necessity of handing out small gratu ities to a set of overgrown flunkies too lazy to split wood. 1 't Not that the amount of the tips, all | added together, is anything serious. | No rational man would grudge it if it could be presented in a bill as a | lump sum at breakfast time every | morning and done with it for the day. | But the incessant necessity of handing out small tips of graded amounts gets on one's nerves. It i necessary in Paris to go round with enough money of different denomina- | tions in one's pocket to start a bank. | This one must distribute to cabmen, walters, news-venders, beggars, any- body ‘and everybody, in fact, that one has anything to do with. Morning, noon and night the visitor | is perpetually putting his hand into | his side pocket and pulling out francs. He drips francs all day in an unend- ing stream. You enter a French the ater. You buy a program, 75 (I think) centimes, and 2 francs more to the man who sells it. You hand your coat and cane to an aged harpy who pre- sides over what is called the vestiaire, pay her 75 centimes and give her a ne or two. | "“You are shown to your seat by an- other old fairy in dingy black (she has a French name, but I forget it) and give her several more. Just think of the silly business of it. Your ticket, if it is a good seat in a good theater, has cost you about $3.50. One would almost think the theater could afford to throw in 50 cents’ worth of harpies for the sake of international good N imilarly, in your hotel, you ring the bell and there appears the valet de chambre, dressed in a red waist. coat and a coat effect of black taf- [ | | | the 150-mile highway connecting Key ‘West with the mainland is completed. THE Belgian government has Iaid off a 250-square-mile tract in the Kongo country as a ‘gorilla preserve. Lo g . ~You tell him that you want a’ gl{.lll. “Bien,” moncieur! He will fetch the maitre d’hotel. Oh, he will, will he, how good of him, but really one can't witness such kindness on| is really true that women make fools of men? Yours truly, IKE ANTBEE LEEVIT. Answer—Sometimes they do, but sometimes it isn't necessa Dear Mr. Wynn: I am a woman 43 years of age and have never been married. A widower, about my own age, is madly in love with me and wants to marry me. I love him all right, but he says he is a member of 12 lodges. What I want to know is this: Is it wise to marry a man who belongs to as many as 12 lodges? cerely, MAY SONNIC Answer—There {s no harm in it as long as you will be satisfied with his y from home 12 nights a Dear Mr. Wynn: I met a fellow the other day and have since found out that he is'an awful liar and is not thought very much of in our com- munity. I am placed in a very em- barrassing position. He has asked me to lend him $50, and when I asked him when he would pay me back, he said: “I will pay you back in two weeks, on the word or a gentleman.” What ‘shall I do? Truly yours, TONA MAC TRUCK. Answer—Tell him you'll lend him the money if he'll bring the gentle- man around. Dear Mr. Wy Every time I take a raflroad trip I have an argu- ment with the train conductor about sticking my head out the window. I am an American citizen and I always v for my tickets and I object to kind of treatment. I have a right to put my head out the train window, haven't I? Sincerely, ANN R. KIST. Answer—Of course you have a per- fect right to put your head out the train window. The only reason the conductors say anything to you about it is that they want you to realize that in case the train passes over & bridge, and your head is sticking out and your head damages any of the ironwork on the bridge, you'll have to pay for it. Dear Mr. Wynn: I am a boy 9 years old and I love green apples. My mother says if I don't stop eating them I'll' get Apple-plexy. Do you be- lieve that? Your truly, I. M. A. TREEKLIMER. Answer next week. THE PERFECT FOOL. (Covyright. 1926.) The Price of Existence. Old Hen—I'll give you & plece of good advice. Young Hen—What is it? Old Hen—An egg a day keeps the ax away. “A BATH, MONSIEUR? - NOTHING MORE SIMPLE. THIS MOMENT. TOUT DE SUITE, RIGHT OFF, HE WILL AT ONCE GIVE OR. DERS FOR IT.” his part without begging him to ac- cept a few francs’ remembrance. ‘Merci bien, monsieur.” The maitre d’hotel comes. He is a noble-looking person who wears a dress suit at 8 o'clock in the morning with patent leather shoes of the kind that I have always wanted but am still unable to -afford. Yet I know from experience that the man merely lives and breathes at a franc a breath. So when the news comes that you propose to take a bath, he's right alongside of you in a minute, all ivility. Mind yow, in a really French hotel, one with what is called the old French atmosphere, taking a bath is quite an everht, and the maltre d’hotel sees a dead sure gold mine in it, with perhaps an extra dividend if times are good. That is to say, he may clear anything from 10 to 75 cents on the transaection. A bath, monsieur? Nothing more simple, this moment, tout de suite, right off, he will at once give orders for it. So you give him a few francs and he then tells the hotel harpy, dressed in black, like the theater har- pies, to get the bath, and she goes and gets it. ' She was there, of tourse, all the time, right in the corridor, and heard all that proceeded, but she doesn't “enter into her functions” until the valet de chambre tells the maitre d’ho- tel and the maitre d'hotel informs her officially of the coming event. She gets the bath. What does she do? Why, merely opens the door of the bathroom, which wasn't locked, and ‘turns on the water. But, of course, no man with any chivalry in him could allow a harpy to be put to all that labor without pressing her to accept a few centimes as a mark of personal appreciation. Thus the maitre d'hotel and the valet de chambre and the harpy go on all day, from 6 in the morning when they first ‘“enter into func tions” until heaven knows when at night. when they leave off, and they keep gathering in the equivalent of nickels, dimes, and even quarters, at a time. Then presently, I suppose, they go off and spend it in their own way. The maitre d'hotel, transformed into a cheap Parisian with a dragon- fly coat and a 75-cent. panama, dances gayly at some festive place and him- gelf hands out gratuities to the mu siclans and gives a 1franc tip to a lower order of maitre d’hotel. The harpy goes forth and with other harpies absorbs red wine and indescribable cheese at 11 at night in a crowded little cafe on the crowded sidewnlk of a street about as wide as @ wagon. She tips the waiter who serves her at the rate of 1 cent per half hour of attendance, and he, I sup- pose, later on tips some one else. In this way about 50,000 people in Paris eke out a livelihood by tipping one another. The wofst part of the tipping sys- tem is that very often the knowledge that tips are expected and the uncer- tainty of their amount causes one to forego a great number of things that might otherwise be enjoyable. In all Paris I only found one place where tipping is absolutely out of the question. That was at the Brit- ish embassy. There they don’t allow it. Not only the clerks and the sec- retaries, but even the Ambassador himself, is forbidden to take so much a8 the smallest gratuity. And they live up to it. That {s why I stiii feel proud of having made an exception to the rule. < 1 went there because the Ambas- sador (at that time) was a personal friend of mine. I hadn’t known this till I went to Paris, and I.may say in fairness that we are friends na longer; as soon as I came away our friendship seems to have ceased. 1 will make no secret of the mat- ter. I wanted permission to read in the National Library in Paris. All n are allowed to read there and, in addition, all the personal 3 “Saying It With Francs” to Parisians Furnishes All the Joys of Philanthropy friends of the foreign ambassadors. By a convenlent fiction everybody #s the friend of this ambassador, and is given a letter to prove it, provided he will call at the embassy and get it. That is how I came to be a friend of the British Ambassador. Whether our friendship will ripen into any: thing warmer and closer, it is not for me to say. But T went to the embassy. The young man I dealt with was, I think, a secretary. He was—I could see it at_once—that perfect thing called an English gentleman. I have seldom seen, outside of base ball circles, so considerate a manner. He took my card, and from sheer consid- erateness left me alone for half an hour. Then he came back for a mo- ment and said it was a glorious day. I heard this phrase so often in Paris that I reached into my pocket for a few francs. But something in the quiet dignity of the ycung man held me back. He returned with a letter of com- mendation in his hand. Would you belleve 1t? The civil- ity of it! They had printed the let- ter, every word of it—except my own name—and it explained all about the ambassador and me being close friends, and told of his desire ‘to have me read in the National Li- brary. I took the letter, and I knew of course that the moment had come to do something handsome for the young man. But he looked so calm that I still hesitated. I took a five-franc note out of my pocket and held it so that it crackled between my fingers in his face. 2 kg o to take it, but I'm afraid I mustn’t,” _Then by an odd chance, as I to’ the outer door, there was the Brit- ish Ambassador himself. He was standing beslde the door waliting to open it. There was no mistaking him. I could tell by his cocked hat and = brass buttons and the brass chain across his chest that it was the ambassador. The way in which he swung the door back and removed his hat showed him a trained diplo- mat. The moment had come, I still held my 10 cents. My lord,” I sald, “T understand your position as the only man in | Paris who must not accept a tip, but I insist. I slipped the money into his hand. ‘Thank'ee kindly, sir,” sald the Ambassador. Diplomaticly speaking, the incident was (Copyright. 1926.) New Tank “Eye.” THROUGH fire, gas, fog, mist, rain or hail a tank can be kept to & safe course without the crew’s having to get out to take its bearings, when the new gyroscopic being per fected by :m:; sclentists at Balth ' in: is a device attached to ' machnery, says Science Monthly, that indicates ju: where the tank is on a map, drawn to scale, of the land being crossed. It is controlled by a compass on the rear of the tank. As the tank moves, its exact path is marked with a needle ! on the map. > Ebony Ties. AILROAD ties in Mexico reach helght of luxury, for on one the lines solid ebony is used for It flourishes in forests that grow the tracks, and is o hard that must be lled into it before !can be put through.