Evening Star Newspaper, April 5, 1925, Page 75

THE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTON, D. ¢, APRIL | ‘Attempt of One to Get Out of the Class of the Dumb Doras Starts Wild Mood in George and Some Good Original Ideas Are Wasted. BY NI s A WILCOX PUTNAM. Queen Victoria, the only woman President of England, often said, “All wives is per- \ fect the first year, after which many turn out to be dumb_dor:; And ain't it remarkable how she thought of that all them many years ago, when she couldn’t possibly of seen any of our real up-to-date woman’'s magazines and the good ad- vice they give we ladies on this very subject? » far 3s 1 know Queen Vic didn't offer no remedy for being a dumb dora, or as a person might more con- ery 1y put it, a thorough grape- fruit. As I said to George—that's husband—not long ago, maybe in them old days folks didn’t know any more sbout curing unsuccessful wires then did about removing appendixes ¢ stalling telephones Anyways, her quotation come my d last week when I Geo. 1c price of w Spring and h usual s my b man wrong with t bough t it lo to ked at, wven sne per- it don't to any t there any in this house, vou r walt ays, we can't afford now, we hadn't ought to spend a innecessary « And then he beat t off to catch a earlier train in order » stop in u a few new, gol lubs that b needed so's he >uld play son on Sun the Flawtl Club, Hot Pozo, I thou tnow no mora about won hen a s does about Knitting! And just as T cracked that one to myself, the telephone rung, and who would it be but Mrs. Joe Bush, and #he says say dear do come over this aftarnoon am getting up a new club and T want should join, it's led “The Good Wives Club” and I ot the idea out last month's iHome Stabiliz Well, of cc 2 that Joe Bush of men don't n's clothes was perfectly willing to admit T was a good wife, at least I thought =0 at that time, but anyways Mabel Bush always &erves nice refreshments and T didn't want to miss anything, so I says I'll be thera. And I went, even although 1 had to wear that last years which I bought it when everything was trimmed with cat's whiskers, and no the new coats was com- ing out with Alligators teeth bro- cade Well, coat when I zot over house, there was ladies in town nah and even Demeanor, the marry Doctor Sa he thought they to Mabel's practically all the ncluding Mrs. Goof- that bottle blond, Miss that's engaged to and I suppo: invited her so's she could get a little advance dope. Hot Bozo! us If any bunch of married women would really be willing to warn off u prospect{ve victim! Well anyways. Mrs, Goofnah was about to made Madame Presiden! of this new fon. 1 could tell 1t from e the pitcher of ice water was standing, and in a few minutes Mabel Bush commenced explaining the purpo: e club, * IT see zine * 1s the Home Stabilizer Maga- had made a careful survey of t was wrong with most marriag end was now in a position to tell suf- fering womanhood just what to do to make the home grounds better and brighter and to give batting average that Babe al on hisself £ It was Mabel's t we should ell get together on the day the mag- #zine came out, read the advice aloud, and then home and put it into - which we could report xt meoti Then she the current issue, and the article was by a man, and as his picture was r handsome, we all voted aye, contrary minded, Then Mrs. Goofnah read the Bozo! That editor certainly di good, original ideas, pointed out | ‘il‘il il 7 “SO T RA! N UPSTAIRS WITH A BRIGHT LITTLE SMILE TO FIND HIS BOOTS AND PUT THE LINKS IN HIS S HIRT. times sho had ought to be fresh as a rose instead of fresh as a bad small boy. Sho had ought to be an Al cook, but never let it show on her, but only on the dining room table. Then, he says, there was many 1it- tle things that counted with a man which she used to do before she hook- ed him. But after he had swallowed it, why the poor fish could light own pipe, fetch his own ash tray, and ete. According to this editor, the perfect wife wouldn’t hardly let her husband wash his own personal teeth. But it also seems whers this editor med that the business of cooking the supper onions in full evening dress and bringing them to the tabls smelling llke & violet yourself, or Keeping a perfect marcel wave, & fol- lies figure and a dental ad smile while manicuring the parlor rugs was really the least important side of the ques- tion of being @ thoroughly good wife. Every man in his heart is a Turk, =a; this editor, and he likes his wife to be a kinda one-girl harem, on the same order as them one-man bands you see in the vaudeville shows, chere the feller-plays the piano with his toes, the harp with/ his hand: the cymbals with his shoulder blades, the mouth organ with his face, and the traps with his left knee. Yes, s: Mr. Editor, yes he says, men like to be amused, to be enter- tained. And then he went on to point out where in the courting days, meaning the days when the both of you was caught, a girl never left the Cconversation lag, she would do every- thing she could to amuse the boy and lead him into thinking where life was gonner be properly sprinkled with pretty little parlor tricks which his wifie would go on inventing new and fresh year after vear. And the editor further claimed that if only she would keep up a healthy talent as a first-class dancer, and piano player, and singer, and refuse to grow any older, why the chances of friend hus- band’ forgetting to kiss her when he went to work in the morning would grow dally less. Fox oxlE HEN he should never be bothered with the children too much, this Mr. Handsome pointed out. They hould always look clean and attrac- tive when he saw them. Riches was of no importance in any of these mat- ters, 1 guess, anyways this editor he didn’t mention such a sordid de- because a is 1o reason herself go. woman has why she Breakfast tail as that. He was writing In a high, uplifting, spiritual tone, and he had us all going strong long be fore Mrs. Goofnah come to the con- cluding sentence which nobly said that any true woman would realize in how great a degree the happi- ness of the home lay in her own hands, and act according. ladies have always thoroughl joved is blaming ourselfs for things and working up a comfortable 1 ery. And this piece was so moving that by the time we moved to ad- journ I was ail filled up with realiza- tion of where I hadn’t really done my part in my marriage to Geo., though T had fully intended, when I coaxed that carat and ’: stone out of him for my engagement finger, to repay same by being the kind of wife as per described aboy And so I joined the club right there and went home determined to re- form at once and try out all the editor’s prescription Well, the next ay Sunday and it was raining not only cats and dogs, but new swear words for golf- ers, and even before he got out of bed George says well I can play in the rain but not in the Deluge, I'm gonner call up Joe Bush and tell him it's all off. And I, remembering what the magazine had sald, I says, oh let me do it for you dear, you sicep a little longer. So he did, and that give me time to curl my hair before breakfast, put on a neat but not gaudy make-up, and a dress instead of one of them bungalow aprons. I fixed up a nice breakfast, stuck Junior out on the back porch so's he wouldn't annoy his father, and then I heard Geo. and the springs both groaning as he got out of bed, so I run upstairs with a bright little smile to find his boots and put the links in his shirts. He give me ons look as T eom. menced this act, and rubbed his eyes the luvva Lucy, where are vou going? he says. Oh nowheres dear, I says, T mere- ly dressed up on your account. Breakfast is all ready, but don't hurry, dear. Then I bounced out the room cheerily, leaving George rubbing his chin, 2 wild look in his eye. & % o LL, during the extra good breakfast he kept on watching me, kinda funny, but I knew I looked good, so's that didn’'t worry me none. Where's Junior? he says pretty soon. Oh, I says, T put him out on the back porch so's you could have a quiet “morning, I don’t want you should be bothered with him. And George merely says humph or some- thing. When breakfast was over, I got him the Sunday papers and started to fill his pipe for him, just like I used to in the old days, but George glve me a trafiic signal at that. Hey Jennte, I'd rather do that my own self, he says, women never did know how to fill & pipe and never will, gimmie here! he says Well naturally after that T give it to him, but I lit & match which he left me do, and I dldn't singe his eye brows much, neither. Then I kissed him lightly on the forehead and tripped gaily off to do my dishes, George looking after me ltke he thought he was cuckoo, all of which made me realize how long it had been since I had made the effort to be at- tractive. While I was getting the dishes done and remembering to whiten my nails after, 1 commenced to think over what that editor had called the most fmportant part of the programme. Harem stuff was all very fine, but 1 didn't have no tambourine, and even if 1 was to go in there and shake one at him, George would probably send for the wagon, so that was out. But I did know a plece on the plano called Hearts and Flowers that Geo. used to like real well in the days when he was pawning his watch to take me to the theater every onct in so often. So after I had spraved some of my best perfume, Jazz-Mine Bouquet, on me, 1 went on in the parlor where George was reading the financial news, and I set down to the pieno and commenced to sing. Well, George looked up with the expression of a wild man. What on earth are you doing that for he says, can’tcha see I'm reading? And I says why George Jules, T says, that's your favorite song, I was only trying to amuse you, I says. Well, you do amuse me, he says, you been amusing me all morning trying to work ms for that new Spring coat with all them tricks, he says, but you dow’t have to go no further, he eays, I can't stand It, here's your money, he says, and now, rain or no rain, I am gonner call up the Hawthorne Club and tell Joe Bush I'll play anyways. If I can't get a little peace at home, he sayi Season Now Is Rapidly Approaching To Prepare for the Complete Wedding ACOCK, rapldly ap- the Spring begin and our most fashionable afiest residential streets crowds of nurse- 1 gathered front the awning under which the bride to walk, and note the taxicab rivers decked up with little pink and vhite roscttes and looking worse than ever. had little expected personally to ht into this Spring wedding t an accident of the malls me into it, and it there is anything that I can do or say to speed up such a deserving form of erprise, 1 should like to be in it. It happened 3 Phat T Toe d in my mail with Something of a shock or surprise—by what partic- ular error I do not know—a letter from a well-kn: firm of jewelers which was beau ally ed upon the most expensive kind paper and ‘which read as follows: n Leacock. proaching when wedding will of so of Dear Sir: “We learn with pleasurs of your ap- proaching wedding, and are taking this opportunity of addressing you in fon with your requirements rortant event. favors for the grooms- for the ushers to be con- sidered, also the wedding ring. What ¥le shall it be? And the groom's gift 0 the b —may we have the pleas- ure of making suggestions? We shall be glad of the opportunity fo show you our newest designs, and are pleased to state that prices have not been so favorable nor assort- ments so interesting for many years.” * % x * INOW 1 restet to say that in my own particular case this beauti- leter is of no use. My approach- ing wedding approached about 25 yeirs ago, got nearer and nearer and presently arrived, and is there still But at the same time there seems to be an earnest appeal about this Jetter that ought not to be overlool ed. There must be hundreds of our young people whom it ought to reach. This question of the groomsman— have we ever as a nation faced it fuirly and squarely? What ought he to get and where ought he to get it? And the usher—of course he ought to be considered. But have we ever, any of us, given as much considera- tion to the usher at a wedding, or any other usher, as we should? Have we realized that & good usher prac- tically makes the wedalng, and if one ean't get first-class ushing it would be better not to get married at all? In short, when I look over this letter I realize that & great many of our young pproach the whole question of marriage from a Wrong point of view. Apparently the first thing—or rather the only thing—they do is to get out and 1ul golect the bride. To this they evidently Gevote a great deal of trouble, trying to tgot ome of cxactly the right length and breadth and just exactly the shade of golor that they want. “DRIVE UP TO THE HOUSE WITH 10 TAXICABS, ‘WITH HIS CLERGYMAN AND USHERS LOOKING OUT OF THE WINDOWS.” They seem to attach an fnordinate im- portance to the bride, as if there were 1o such thing 28 ushers to be considered. On all the rest of the preparations for the wedding they merely take a chance. They make no effort to see whether the year is likely to be a favorable one, with prices of wedding favors away down; they make no inquiries in the livery stablas or elsewhere as to how many grooms are available, and it never oc- curs to them to take a look around to securo a few ushers before being swept into a premature marriage. All this, as I seo it now, ought to be reversed. The wise young man should do nothing until, by consulting wholesals prices, index numbers and market re- ports, he sees that things are favorable. Then he must go and buy an “assort- ment” The next thing is to get a groom, buy him his favors, pin them on him and board him somewhere 80 as to keep him till the rest is ready. After that the young man should hire a couple of ushers for a month and keep them al- ready dressed and prepared to ush at any moment. I'!‘ is doubtful whether any young girl of today could resist the offer of a young man who had everything all ready like this—his ‘‘assortment’ spread on a tray, his church all lighted up, his groomsman and his ushers dressed right up to the neck. He could practically have the pick of all the girls in town. All he would have to do would be to drive up to the house of any one of them with 10 taxicabs, with his clergy- man and his ushers looking out of the windows. The trouble is that so few, if any, of our young men realize how singularly easy it is to get a bride. That knowl- edge is confined 1o men who are past * % % % the need of them, and view the whole question with a melancholy retrospect. All that the young man necds to do is to wait on the street till a girl comes its his fanoy, raise his hat, beg your pardon, will you Her first exclamation might of astonishment, but if the young man added, “I have never seen you before, but your beauty has made such an instantaneous impression on me “THE YEAR IS LIKELY TO BE A FAVORABLE ONE, WITH PRICES OF WEDDING FAVORS AWAY DOWN,” that T Tove you at first sight,” there 1s no doubt what sort of gasp her sscond gasp would be. And if he took care to be standing outside a shop window with an “assort- ment” glittering In it she would prob- ably faint into his arms. There are two things that fascinate all women. Love at first sight and jewelry. Secure of his bride, all that the young man would need to do would be fo take her name and address and then go and round up his ushers. (Copyright, 1925.) emsoe o ptioe When Ice Goes Out HEN the ice goes out in Alaska it means the coming of Spring and 1s eagerly awaited. At Fair- banks the people place a. large clock on the bank of the stream and to it fasten a long wire, the other end of which I8 attached to the ics so that when the fce moves It stops the clock., Then they sell guesses as to the exact day, hour and minute the ice will break. In 1923 the ice pool amounted to more than $11,000. The ice broke at 2:13 on the afternoon of May 9. And when it breaks the people rush out and fairly shout for joy as that raging, roaring, rushing torrent of icp moves out into the Yukon and down to the Bering Sea. e For Mah-Jong Tiles. OTHING {s ever wasted at the Chicago stock yards, but recently there has been an unparalleled cail for shinbones for exportation to China for making mah-jong sets, says the Sclentific American. Such bones are mow an important article of commerce and are sent to China by the ton. These are used in con- nection with bamboo to form the “tiles” in the mah-jong set. China does not have many domestic animals, and, therefore, is not able to supply the ever-increasing demand. A New Vegetable. STRANGE looking vegetable, call- ed the yama, has been received in Maine. It was propagated in Wyom- ing by an expert named Carney, who 1s a Burbank with vegetables. The yama is a cross between a melon, a squash and sweet corn. It grows on vines like & melon and on the outside resembles five small ears of corn welded together. It has a bantam sweet porn taste, with a slight flavor- ing of squash. PR S P, Electric Dining Room. JDETROIT, Mich., has & restaurant in which the meals are served by electricity. The diner selects a table, notes on the menu the food he desires and drops the menu through a slot in the table. Presently there is a humming noise and in the center of the table on @ four-post tray appears pe food he has ordered, 5, 1925—PART 5. Togo Sees Red-Tape Peril Japanese Schoolboy Has Thrilling Time on Visit to Washington Trying to Find the Patent Office by Following the Official Channels. BY WALLACE IRWIN. To Iditor The Star who run his Lost & Founa Dept to dish- cover servant girls when fired. EAREST SIR: T wish write this quickly because I have just found some alarmly news from Wash, D. C From what I heard distinc- tually T know that Pres. Coolidge ars commencing to get stingey with Govt umployees and expect to fire several batches pretty soonly so save more money. Are this not an anraged state of affairs? This are like taking bread & [ce-cream from the poor. For what are poorer than a Govt Um- ployee? T know because I have just seen several, and ghey are the poorest umployees I have met, even in Dept Stores. It happen thusly: Last Tusday a.m. Cousin Nogl coma to me with hush-up expression while saying, “Togo, I have just invented a self-starting buttonhook what can be used to exterminate flles. Quick seller. No axpenses. Agents wanted.” “What are the matter with it, then, that you come waltzing around to me in that susceptible way?’ I ask to know. “It merely musq be patented,” nar- rate Nogl. “Therefore 1 invite you come train-riding with me to Wash, D). C. whers we will go to the Pat, Office and get a pat.” Because it were fres what could & do but go? Therefors we do so together, and nextly we know we was in Penn RR Station, Wash, D. C. We had scarcely encroached out of that famus train-house when we observe a gentleman of medium statue ernestly reading Baseball 1925. “O kindhearted Mr. Sir!” we ollicute fn unicorn, “please to tell us where U. 8. Pat Office 'are now standing, if anywhere? He kept standing thers until he fin- ish, reading Famus Curves 1 have Stopped by Grantland Rice. I think perhapsly he were def & dum. But pretty soonly he pull paper out of his pocket, hit It with rubber stamp & poke it at us. With peculiar cyes 1 read following Information: ADMIT ONE TO DEPT OF ®IRD NES FISHING TACKLF “But Hon. Dearsir!” 1 peruse. not wish go Dept Birds Nests & Fish Tackle.” “Nobody do,” he eay for slightly moning. ‘Nobody have®been therc for last| 22 yrs. Wo would all be lone- some there axept for fact that our 68 clerks & 44 stenografters have very soclal time. If you hav any old magazines or X word hooks please send them to us, room 411, Obituary Bldg., and thusl: the teddyum of our empty days. Nobody ever hears of us axept on pay-day. “I should think you would escape & go to work,” I reject saddily. We are Govt. Umployees,” he re- porq, “and nachilly could not do that. Algo, who would want us? We have lived so long in a state of nothing- ness that we have forgot how to do anything but hit pleces of paper with rubber stamps.” “That are a very depressing tail,” I say so. “And now, dearie frend, would vou point me to the U. §. Pat. Office where we wish g02” * % kK cepgusmest he say, hiding b wi e underclothes. “Do not_let vt Umployees hear I may as well get some exercige But for the luvva Lucy, Jennie, in future, be yourseif! Then Geo. went ramping off, and I set down and almost started to cry when I remembered the green Henrys in my hand, and Hot Bozo! I come right to life. No sooner had Geo. got out of the house then I grabbed the phone and called up Mabel Bush. Hey Mabel I says I am resigning from your Good Wives Club. Men is reatures of habit 1 sa and 1 guess I am one George don't want to ¢ ige. As for that good advice Editor I says, for all he is so handsome I will bet you a jar of my best preserves he aint ever been married once. Dopyright, 1925.) “HE PULL PAPER OUT OF HIS POCKET, HIT'IT WITH RUBBER STAMP AND POKE IT AT US™ that question. I would be quickly rejected out of the Unfon. Our rules are strick. We are forbid to do any- thing outside our job, thusly taking away work from other poor Um- ployees. You seo that? I are hired merely to direct peopls to Dept. of Birds’ Nests & Fishhooks.” “Then how we shall find that Pat. require Nogi with slight peev “I tell you what do! he decry de- lightly. “Go rapidly to Bureau of Relativity and Missing Numbers. 1If they cannot tell you that information they will connect you undoubtlessly with Authorities what can.” We thank him considerable & next- ly we know we was walking up a fiighty stairs whero we see enlarged sign DEPT. OF MISSING NUMBERS. First thing we enter door we ob- serve one clerk with very oldy whi ers and expression peculiar to Hon Bernard Shaw when hLe gets to be 20000 yrs. old. On long row of chairs neerly two (2) blocks long set can- siderable people merely setting. “Are you ulso axpecting some- thing?" 1 ask it from nearest Person in chairs “We are axpecting it pretty soon- Iy,” he say so. “Do you observe trembuling on that oldy man's hand enever he slams his rubber stamp? That are good sign he will not last many yrs. longer.” Are you waiting for him to quit?" I ask to know. “No Govt. Umployee mnever quits,” snuggest No. 1. “We are walting for him to die. Then maybe we can get his_job." “Even then” I would be but one many.” “We shouldn’t worry “Our Senator have promused to split this job into 20 when that oldy clerk dle. Do you think he look strong?” narrate, “thers (1) job for so For more closer look I sonter up to desk where Hon. Clerk were stroking paper with rubber stamp. Ho scem quite musclar to me. “If conveniently, Mr. Sir,” I require with chivalry, “will you told two (2) strangers in Wash, D. C.,-whers U s at. Office are to be found, i anywhere?” ¥or answering reply Hof. Clerf® jam a ticket peevly with rubber stamp & poke it at my alarmed nose. “Taks that rapidly to Room 4444- 22222-A and present it to the Znd Asst. Director of the Senseles: “But could you not inform me in a few shorthand words where I could find this U. S, ing trouble?” revoke Nogi “We are not here to save trou decry Hon. Clerk. “If we did, w would become of our jobs?" We spend nearly an afternoon, wandering from places to pl until at lastly we arrive at Roo 11442 A where we dishcover Boy Clerk who look at us with arine expression peculiar to zon Borglum talking about Gen “What wished, if anything?" ask to know. “I present this card, please, wh by some way will lead me to 1 Pat. Office, Wash., D. C* I do so. He 100k Henery,"” Stenografter, Form 12 in ¥ Henery arou holla, “Bil Out of one enlarged 15 Asst sto he require to “please find Ma 11111113-K." sleeping and the distant h Asst * scenery arrive SRILL," say Henery. Form 12 in File 11111113-% “Harry!” holla Bill, “here are gen tleman looking for a Manifisto. Notify Manifisto Clerk to notify the Storage Dept Chief that one (1) Man been called for.” That are not in my Dept to do =0," | , Harry with Col. Forbes ex- el1,” notate Bill Detective and find whose Dept such work should be in.” “Please set down, Clerk while whacking strongly wi rubber stamp. | Me & Nogi set down on that row of chairs & read American Hercules through backward twice befors Hon. Boy Clerk make backoning movement with finger. Wa comeup rapidly. “So sorrow to report!” he say s “Information for which you searc cannot be got till mext Wed., 3 p.m. “Whyso?” T howell & growell. “W come here estranged travellers and wish merely learn something which even Hon. Knick Longworth could tell us, if we knew him. What all this circular paldaver about?” “send for House | Pat. Office, thusly sav- | cx u do mot un Clerk very Znd Asst rubbe. not do s ned by Bureau of tand.” report Boy “This morning Clerk broke his have been sent to to be fixed, but 1 signed & conter- all ds & clerks st & Measure- ke tim wip: Manifisto stamp. It ov & s. Coolidge are nuny Govt, U contrarily are too few by sever: “How you &rgue arrel Nogl se 80," 5 good office 4 learn so dizzy." unks. Hoping you @ Yours tri HASHIMURA (Copyright, 1925.) TOGO. Ring Revives Various Amusements As End of Visit to Nassau Is Near BY RING LARDNER. O the editor: Last wk. we was talking about Nassau in the Bahamas and this wk. we will very the monotony by disgusting the same sub- ject once more. I will leave it to others to describe the clear waters of this section of the Atlantic where you can see the flamingoes, lizards and fish wading on the bottom of the ocean at a depth of 40 ft. and will also refrain from references to other liquids that frequents these premises and which I did not taste same on acct. of it not being no fun to drink where they's no law against it, but will confine myself to a fow wds. in regards to such attractions as Honest John Kelly and Jock Hut- chinson and similar incidence of our all too brief sojourn on fair New Providence isle. Mr. Kelly denies that he is called Honest, John so as to distinguish him from all other Kellys. He is the prop. of a palatial club house on the “I BECKONED TO MR. LEVY TO GO THROUGH, AS 1 WAS PLAY- ING WITH AN EXASPERATING- LY SLOW GOLFER.” ocean front where you can eat and érink and also be merry provided the right numbers comes up, but you can eat and drink anyway because Honest John has the heart and won't charge you nothing for beverages or for food neither if he feels sorry enough for you. He felt sorry for the undersigned and no wonder as my favorite num- bers, the numbers which had made me a rich man in Cuba and Monte Carlo, acted on Mr. Kelly's wheels like they was quarantined. It was on the occasion of my Gth. visit to Honest John that T give up the idear of retiring from the field of classi- cal literature and supporting the wife and kiddies from & comfortable seat on the clients’ side of a roulette “MY FAVORITE NUMBERS, WHIH MADE ME A RICH MAN IN CUBA AND MONTE CARLO, ACTED ON MR. KELLY'S WHEELS LIKE THEY WAS QUARANTINED.” However I don’t know no worthier charity who I would rather contrib- ute to than Mr. Kelly as he treats you fine win or looss and even sent flowers and good wishes to the ladies the day we sailed away so that in- stead of being mad at him we was all very sorry when he left the end lof & finger in a taxicab door. * % ok x OCK HUTCHINSON is the genial pro at the Nassau golf course where hooked drives on the 1st. two holes cost a dollar aplece unless your cad- dy is a fish. I had not met Jock since 7 or 8 yrs. ago back in old Chi and he didn't remember me on acct. of not having no mustache at the time or mow neither as far as that is concerned, but any way he says he was glad to meet me and that X reminded him of the story labout the Scotchman and Cohen. It seems they was & Scotchman and a A man named Cohen and they didn't neither of them have anybody to play golf with so they declded to play together and then Cohen asked the Scotchman what he genally went around In, but if you ain't heard the story you must of been dead at lesae 6 mos. and if so they ain't no use repeating it to you. Well I laughed as hard as I could and dono pretty good for a man that hadn't heard it more than 124 times sincs last Summer. Wile playing on Mr. Hutchinson's course a couple days before we come away, I beckoned to a friend of mine from N. Y. named Mr. Levy to g0 through us as I was playing with Mrs. G. Rice an exasperatingly slow golfer. Well Mr. Levy thanked us and in part payment for our kindness he says he would tell me a golf story, 80 I says go ahead and he told me the story about the Scotchman and the man named Coheny | the biggest It seems they was a Scotchman and a man named Cohen and they didn’t ither of them have to play with so they d 1y with other and t ed th an w went around in. The ¥ present and Mr. Levy belng a brother Friar I resisted the temptation to end it a with a niblick 1t leaked out some way that T was a wonderful musician and interested in folk sonzs and etc. so we was adviced to take a carriage ride to a little settlement of calléd Grantstown where they s would hear son rd Baham melodles sang to the guitar by m light so we took the trip and enough the stree led with na- tive citizens chantir ues of Ten nesses and What'll 1 Do by t tal- ented West Indian composer Irving Berlin. We finely did run into a hack driver that knowed the Nassau songs and was charmed by one number which was a kind of a lyrical history of the burning of the old hotel. H is @ few of the verses other on- sura Do Aunt Nanny, do Aunt Nanny, Do Aunt Nanur, how do vou do? Hay, Hay, do Auat Nanoy do One Frid The b Ha, The Batel burned dow emack and smooth ‘The white man ru My, Hay, do Aunt Na ¥ morning bright and soon burued down smack and smoo! , do Aunt Nanay do. J© seems that the man also left a lot of liquor in the hotel and Aunt Nanny rescued it and bad a wild night and her experiences is all re- lated in the course of the song and I only wished I could remember the rest of it. Which reminds me as Jock would say that they have got a Friday clos- ing law in Nassau which don't refer to the saloons but all other Kinds of stores and they must close up by noon and stay closed till Saturday, but if they disobey this law nothing hap- pens unless a customer goes in the store and then the customer is fined 5 pounds wile the stors keeper gets off with a good scolding. The rea- son for this may be that the oustomer might possibly have 6 pounds where- as they ain’t no chance for ona of the store keepers being that dirty with money. I am kind of afraid I ain't give you a very vivid pleture of the Bahamas in thess 2 letters and regret that I was 'too busy down there to ta¥e notes like I should of, but all and all will state that I ain't never been to a more pleasanter place to spend the Winter and Nassau has got a climate of which they can boast and certain 1y do, and also plenty of amusements &nd Industrys of which the most in portant is the sponge fisherys which sponge merchant dowr there told me that the sponge was really the lowest form of animal life and not U. . Senators as claimed by Percy Hammond, L wh