Bemidji Daily Pioneer Newspaper, September 2, 1910, Page 9

& . THE BEMIDJI DAILY PIONEER VOLUME 8. NUMBER 117. W. B. STEWART Candidate for the Republican Nomina- tion for the Office of Superintendent of Schools _ JAMES L. GEORGE Candidate for the Republican Nomina- tion for the Office of County Auditor The Real Need. In negio bouscholds, especially In | cornmunitiex where negroes form a large portion of the population, It fre quently happens that the woman is the head of the family, belng not only the Lreadwinner, but also the diseipii- narian, and in that capacity on ocea sions she regards her putarive lord and master as subject to her will, ‘T'his at least was the assumption of the col- ored woman who was a party to a lit- tle scene enacted in the office of a jus- tice of the peace, A man had been arrested on the charge of beating and cruelly misus- ing his wife. After hearing the charge against the prisoner the justice turned to the first witness. “Madam.” he said, “if this man were your husband and had given you a beating would you call in the police?" The wowmap addressed, a veritable amazon io size and aggressiveness. turned a smiling countenance toward the justice and answered: “No, jedge. If he was mah husban® an' he treated me lak he did 'is wife Ah wouldn't call no p'liceman. No, sah; Ah'd call de undertaker.” — Youth's Companion. Flexibility of English. English is not only. as Richard Jef- feries asserted. the most expressive and flexible of tongues. but also. in Swinburne’s opinion. the most musi cal. He proclaimed the lines— Music that gentlier on the spirit ltes Than tired eyelids upon tired eyes to be unmatched for melody in any language. And few would venture to contradict such 1 master of music and tongues. But surely French ranks pext on the roll of languages. For clearness of diction it is unrivaled. and. thanks to ftx abundance of vow- els (close on one for every consonanty it flowes rhvrhmically from the toigue Against Westley's dictum. that Freoch is to German as a bagpipe to. am or- gun. may be cited a saying of gusther famous divine, Dr. Dollinger, *E'Alle- mand n'est pax une langue, majs:sceus qui parlent ce jargon se compremnent entre eaux” (German Is not & lan- guage, but those who speak thig jar- gon understand one another).—London Chronicle. Facts About Giants. That very few of the glants 'who have ever lived have been healtig:or well formed recent 'researches ‘prove beyond a doubt. All we know about Goliath {s that he was very tall, but in the second book of Kings we read about another giant, who had ‘more fingers than an ordinary human being, and. according to modern. scientists, this is invariably a token of ‘degen-’ eracy. Marcel Donnal saw'at Milan a glant who was so tall that his body filled two beds at night, but whose legs were so weak that he could hard- ly stand upright. William Evans, the gigantic porter of Charles L. bad little strength, and Cromwell’s porter, an- other giant, ended his days in a luna- tic asylum. Finally, O’Brien, the Irish glant, has been described as *an enor- mous sick child who grew up too fast.” Another Fake. “Did you see the ‘lightning calcu- lator” in the sideshow?” asked the old farmer in the wide straw hat. “By heck, yes” drawled the other ruralite, “and he was the Liggest fake in the show.” “How was that?” “Why, thar was a tnonderstorm go- ing on while I was in the teut and when I asked him if he could calculate where the lightning was going to strike he just gave me the laugh.”—Chicago News. An Ominous Symptom. “A good wife is heaven’s greatest gift to man and the rarest gem the earth holds,” remarked Mr. Jarphly the other morning. *“She Is his joy, his inspiration and his very soul. Through her he learns to reach the pure and true, and her loving hands .lead him softly over the rough places She is"— “Jeremiah,” said Mrs. Jarphly sol emnly — “Jeremiah, what wickedness have you been up to now?” Doubled In Value. A Missourian who boughkt some Texas land and wanted to unload it told a prospective buyer that it had “doubled in value since I bought it.” “But,” said the other, “you offered to sell it to me for the same price you paid. How has it doubled in value?”’ “Well, you see, I gave twice as much as it was worth.,”—Kansas City Star. Exchange of Compliments. Maud—My mamma says she can re- member when your mamma kept a grocer’s shop. Marie—My mammu says she car re- member how much your mamwa owes her for groceries. The Danger. “It is always dangerous to try to get something for nothing,” remarked the wise guy. “Yes, you might get what you de- serve,” added the simple mug.—Phil- adelphia Record. BEMIDJI, MINNESOTA, FRIDAY EVENING, SEPTEMBER 2, 1910. TEN CENTS PER WEEK. Her Goodby. Slie was one of those very gushing, effusive ladies who occasionally infest uewspaper offices, and she bad been admitted into the sanctum of the man aging editor of the paper on which Huun:l' Davenport was cartoonist. re- citex the Saturday Evening Post. Mr. Davenport was in the room at the time, When the time came for her de- parture she first grasped the hand of the managing editor, saying, “Goodby, Mr. Niles. goodby!™ Then, turning to the assistant man- aging editor, she also shook him ef- fusively by the hand. exclaiming. “Goodby. Mr. Bliss. goodby!” Davenport came next. There was no escape for him. *“Dear Mr. Daven- port. goodby!" she cried with all the delicate shading of a_tragedy queen. There was silence for a moment aft- er she bhad gone. Then Davenport found his voice. *“Where Is she go- ing?" he axked. “Up to Ninety-third street,” replied the assistant managing editor. “Suffering cats!” drawled Daven port. “What should have happened if she had heen going to One Hundred and Twenty-fifth street?’ She Handed It Back. A noted doctor believes in training children to reason for themselves, and this policy he carries out with his own child, a little girl of eight, and he tells a story in connection with her with great glee. “My dear.” he said to her, “I saw something today that I hope I shall néver be pained to hear of you doing.” “What was that, papa?”’ the daugh- ter asked. *1 saw little Mary Goodgirl stick her tongue out at a man today.” The child. evidently thinking that it was an occasion to tell of the faults of the other girl, said: “Papa. I saw Mary”— The doctor interrupted and told the child she must not gossip and it she knew anything that was not nice about anybody'she must keep it to herself. The child looked at her father and then said quickly: “Well, papa, why did you tell me about Mary ?" The physiclan was so surpriged he could not answer.—Philadelphia 'mes. “#" His Onty Blemish., ¥, ‘When the pious looking lady entered the London, birdshop and stated her neéed of a talking parrot the proprietor “reckoned 'e'd got the werry thing the lady wanted.” *“Course, ma’am,” he said, “you don’t want a wulgar bird. This ‘ere one, now, was brought over by a missionary, Talks like a reg’lar ’ymn book, ‘e does. 1 wouldn't let 'im go if 1 didn’t think you’d give 'Im a re- spectable ’ome. Thirty-five shillings that ‘bird, ma’am.” “You'll soon know!” screeched Pol- ly. “You'll soon know!” “Dear me! How quaint!” gushed the lady, and 35 shillings changed hands. “What does he mean by ‘you’ll soon know.’ 1 wonder?” “It's 'is only blemish, ma'am,” smiled the birdshop man. *“’'E's got it into ’is ’ead that every ome’s won- derful anxious to find out wot a mis- slonary sez when ’e 'its ’is thumb with a ‘ammer.” What She Missed. Six-year-oid Ruth was very unhappy because one of her many wants had been denied. Her papa was giving her a lecture and sald. “You have every- thing that most little girls have, and 1 don’t think there is another little girl in town has more than you.” “Oh, yes,” said Ruth. *“Alice has.” *“What has she that you have not?” said papa. “Well, I guess she had a ride to her grandma's funeral.”—Exchange. The Serpent’s Venom. A physician while talking with a group of friends remarked: “It is com- mon to hear people speak about poi- sonous serpents. Serpents are never poisonous; they are venomous. A poison cannot be taken internally with- out bad effects; a venom can. Venoms to be effective have to be injected di- rectly into the circulation, and this is the manner in which the snake kills. Their venom taken Internally is in- nocuous.”™ The Weapon He Needed. An excited citizen burst frantically into the police station. *“My life’s in danger!” he cried. “I've just received a threatening letter from the Black Hand, and | want a permit to carry a weapon.” “All right, sir,” replied the captain. “I'll give you a permit to carry a fan —that’s the weapon you -nged; some- thing that will keep you cool.”—Chi- cago News. An 0dd Apoiogy. This is the classic apology of a cele- brated statesman of the last genera- tion: “Mr. Speaker, in the heat of de- bate 1 stated that the right honorable gentleman opposite was a dishonest and unprincipled adventurer. I bave now, in a calmer moment, to state that I am sorry for it.” JUDGE C. W. STANTON Of Bemidji, who seeks reelection to the office of Judge of the District Court ANDREW JOHNSON Candidate for the Republican Nomina- ~ tion for the Office of Sheriff . I ' neceaTiic orne ] ] i ‘lv-"fi—-\!-«L&,«.sm‘ " e,