Bemidji Daily Pioneer Newspaper, September 2, 1910, Page 14

o i i s 2 R e L ST pm——r__J The Pardon Paperweight. Under the headline A Queer Munic- fpal Gift" a Vienna paper tells this story: “In the year 1869 a private sol- dier stationed at Sass killed an officer of his regiment and was condemned to be shot. Comrades who knew the ex- tenuating circumstances, friends, priests, relatives—all pleaded in vain for wercy, the colonel in whose hands the matter rested insisting on the death penalty. The day came and the man was taken to the place of execu- tion. x members of his regiment. armed with rifles, one of which con- tained a blank cartridge. took their places as executioners. The man’s eyes were bandaged and with arms securely pinioned he stood ready for the volley, shouting ‘Comrades, aim well? when a mounted courier dashed into the crowd waiving a white flag. erying ‘Pardon!” He was Lieutenant Baron du Mont, with the colonel's pardon. which would have been use- less had it arrived oue minute later. The municipality secured the five bullets from the firing squad, had them silvered and mounted in the form of a tiny pyramid on a silver plate, and this, suitably inscribed, Is known as fhe ‘pardon paperweight,” the only one »f its kind.” The Useful Crocodile Fish. In the rivers and lakes of the Mexi- can state of Tabasco there swims a fish known as the ‘*crocodile fish” which is most useful to man. The skin of the crocodile fish, if properly cured, may be utilized for any of the purposes for which the lighter weights of leather are employed. The oil of the crocodile fish is a perfect lu- bricant and also used for softening leather. In addition to its qualities as a lubricant and emolient, the oil pos- sesses medicinal qualities for which a superiority to the finest of Norwegian <cod liver is claimed. The flesh of the crocodile fish is extensively used by the natives as food and highly relished by them as one of the delicacies of the country. Crocodile fish range in length from ten inches to four feet, and when dried assume an ashen hue, with light- er shadings of a bluish tint.—New Or- leans Times-Democrat. Poor Human Nature. The woman who had succeeded in that rather difficult task—making a boarding house pay—was confiding to a friend some of the tricks of the wrade. *“‘While you must never allow your boarders to get too far behind in their payments, it is also true that you will profit considerably by allowing them a little leeway. So long as you are sure of your money it pays a landlady to have her boarders a week or two be- hind in their board.” *1 don’t see that,” interrupted her Eriend. *“Well, I'll tell you,” continued the landlady. *“When a man owes back board you have him at a certain dis- advantage. Not one in a hundred un- der such circumstances has the nerve at mealtimes to ask for a second help- dng.—New York Times. The Human Lobster. "The lobster has always appealed to the Englishman as affording a nick- name for his fellow Englishman. *‘Lobster” was a favorite term of abuse among the Elizabethans, though it is only conjectural that an allusion to red faces was conveyed. As signifying a soldier, *“lobster” originated in the civil war, being applied to the Round- head cuirassiers, as Clarendon ex- plains, “because of the bright iron shells with which they were covered.” Afterward the allusion was transfer- Ted to the soldier’s red uniform. But that was the “*boiled lobster.” The “raw lobster” was naturally the man in ‘blue, the policeman. In earlier days we find Grose explaining that *‘to boil one's lobster” meant for a clergyman to become a soldier.—London Chron- dele. The Man With the Iron Mask. "The Man With the Iron Mask was a mysterious French prisoner of state, whose identity has never been satis- factorily established. He was closely confined under the charge of M. de St.- Mars at Pignerol in 1679, at Exiles in 1681, at Sainte-Marguerite in 1687 and ‘finally was transferred to the Bastile in 1698, where he died on Nov. 19, 11703, and was buried the following day in the cemetery of St. Paul under the pame of Marchiali. Dumas made him a twin brother of Louis XIV, A Voleano. “What is a volcano?' asked the teacher. *“A mountain with a fire inside,” -8aid one. A smile of comprehension spread over the puzzled face of the smallest pupil as she asked surprisedly, “Is that a mountain range?”’ A Pungent Player. The comedian had his benefit and ‘thankful for the patronage of “kind friends in front” let off this im. \promptu, which was applauded: Like a grate full of coals I glow, A great full house to see, -And were I not grateful, too, A great fool I should be. y More Important. ““See here, waiter! I found a collar ‘button in this pie!” *“Didn’t see nothin’ of an umbrella, did yo’, boss? Dah was one los’ heah dag’ night.”—Scribner’'s Magazine. Lead Pipe. Lead may be melted and when cool- @d to the solidifying point may be squirted. In this manner lead pipe is made.—Mining World. Apologies only aecount for the evil which they cannot alter.—Cuyler. e A A e Se— Laid In a Stock. When the late Pierre Lorillard was a boy, his mother, being annoyed by moths that destroyed the woolen cloth- ing and other material of the house- hold. agreed to pay him a cent apiece for every moth he would kill in the bhouse and bring to her. The same bargain was made with his brothers, Jake, George and Louis. In course ot time Mrs. Lorillard noticed that, while the other children collected from her at intervals frem 10 to 25 cents, Pierre drew on her frequently for a $1 at a time, indorsing his drafts with 100 dead moths. Investigation revealed the bent of the future financier as well as his early adaptability to meth- ods governing the acquirement of wealth. Having procured from a fur- rier some pieces of fur thrown away because they were infested with moths, Pierre secreted them in an old .chest in an unused closet. There the quickly accumularing moths were banked, to be drawn upon whenever the inventor and perfecter of the en- terprise required pocket money. Knighted Actors. It is an odd fact that of the English actors knighted all but one had first $o legalize the names under which they had won fame. The question arose with the first proposition to confer knighthood on a gypsy. It would be absurd so to honor one John Henry Brodribb. Yet legally no such person as “Henry Irving” existed. No such obstacle had to be overcome when, on the occasion of Victoria’s diamond jubilee. Squire Bancroft knelt before his queen and arose sir squire. How- ever, the three actors knighted by King Edward bore cognomens of their own invention. Sir Charles Wyndham was born Culverwell, and Sir John Hare, Fairs. As for Sir Herbert Beer- bohm Tree, his brilliant wife once put it “*Tree’ is a fantastic thing we just tacked on. We're all plain Beerbohms —plain as brotbter Ma Argonaut. The Old English Prize Ring. In the latter days of the English prize ring innumerable expedients had to be devised to bring off a fight. A favorite plan was to pitch the ring on the borders of two counties, so that the question of magisterial jurisdiction might be rendered difficult. Another plan was to charter a steamboat and proceed down the Thames to some fonely police forsaken spot in the marshes of Essex. For the memorable contest between Sayers and Heenan in 1860 a special train was run from Lon- don bridge to a secret destination. But the passengers. who comprised members of parliament. peers, pick- pockets, pugilists, clergy and. it is said. a few bishops, cheerfully took tickets simply marked *‘excursion.” They presently found themselves near Farnborough. in Surrey. where the fight occurred.—London Chronicle. Original of Falstaff. Sir John Fastolf was the original of Shakespeare's Falstaff and in his'day was a continual butt for the jests of the town and borough of Southwark. Though he had fought at Agincourt, when Jack Cade invaded the borough, he showed great cowardice. When Cade was yet some way off Fastolf had armed and fortified his house and garrisoned it with veterans of the French wars. On the arrival of Cade, however, he withdrew his garrison and fled to the Tower, leaving his neigh- bors to the mercy of the rebels. Fas- tolf’s matrimonial adventures seem also to have been another source of .unpop- ularity, for, baving married a widow named Scrope, he seized her property and kept his stepson out of his inheri- tance during his own lifetime.—Lon- don News. “Great Expectations.” Charles Green. one of Dickens’ fil- lustrators, had two models, one of whom was a likable fellow, while the other, Gregory by name, was a greedy, self seeking character, always think- ing of himself and his perquisites. When Green was on his deathbed Gregory was very officious, and one day Green. noticing this, said to him: “Oh, I haven't forgotten you, Greg- ory; got you down in my will.” At the funeral Gregory invested in a wreath and duly attended to hear the will read. Green had kept his word, and the model was not forgotten. “To my dear friend Gregory,” ran the document. “I leave, for his kind- ness to me, an {llustrated edition of ‘Great Expectations.’” Against His Principles. “What was that man making such a fuss about?”’ asked the restaurant pro- prietor. “He found a couple of hairs in the food, sir,” replied the waiter. “Oh, is that all?" “You see, sir, he’s a vegetarian, and you can't get him to eat anything but vegetables.”—Yonkers Statesman. Neoatly Parried. A mother of four daughters, one of whom had recently been married, cor- nered an eligible young man {n the drawing room. “And which of my girls do you most admire, might I ask?”’ “The married one,” was the prompt reply.—Exchange. Easier. “I'm going to the dentist’s to have this tooth out. Just mind the baby till I come back” Husband (with alacrity)~You mind the baby, Jessie. I’ll go and get a tooth pulled out! Her Bait. “You have to have different bait for different fish, don't you, ma?” “I guess so. I know I caught a lob- ster with mistletoe.”—New York Press. e S ———— Pricked His Own Bubble. This story, found in Rev. Dr. Henry H. Jessup’s book, “Fifty-three Years in Syria,” seems to indicate that religious vagaries are as short lived in the east as elsewhere. A friend of Dr. Jessup, visiting Jerusalem, met a queer look- ing solitary stranger pacing the streets of the city, accosted him, and after the usual greetings remarked: “You are an American, I infer.” “Yes, I am,” replied the queer look- fng man, **And what are you doing here, if 1 may ask?” “Ah, yes, 'm glad you asked. You see, I've come to preach the new doc- trine, that there is to be no more death. If men will only accept it, we'll abolish death, and there’ll be no more dying, nor graves, nor coffins, nor funerals. We shall just live right on.” “But,” said Dr. Jessup's friend, “sup- posing you should sicken and die, what then?” “Oh,” said the man, “that would bust the whole thing!” And it did. The poor delirious apos- tle died a few wonths later, and with him his “new doctrine.” Couldn’t Think of It. The handsome young plumber laid aside a piece of lead pipe and, ap- proaching the beautiful kitchen maid, said: “You look awful good to me.” “Go on; quit your kiddin',” she re- plied. “But I mean what I say.” “I ain’t got any time to listen to you now. Can't yon’n see I'm busy?” “Yes, but what's the use workin' when a fellow wants to make love to you? Say, if I make this job last so 1 cau come back tomorrow will you have your work out of the way so we can talk things over? Youwre the put‘tiest girl 1 ever seen.” “If You think you can make a fool of me by such silly talk you’re mistaken.” “But 1 mean every word I say. I want you to try to learn to love me.” “If you want to make love to me come around this evening. I'll be here.” “What! On my own time? What kind of a chump do you think I am?’ —Chicago Record-Herald. Exact Thomas. Thomas Hoar, the devoted servant upon whom Gilbert White, the English naturalist, depended to carry out his garden plans and to look after his comfort in many ways, was noted for his exactness. Mr. H. C. Shelley, in “Gilbert White and Selborne.” gives an amusing illustration. There was one occasion when Thom- as came to report, “Please, sir, I've been and broke a glass.” “Broke a glass, Thomas! you do that" “I'll show you, sir,” he rejoined as he disappeared for a moment. Returning with a glass in his hand. he let it fall on the floor, remarking: “That's how I broke it, sir.” £ “There, go along, Thomas; you are a great fool,” said his waster, adding to himself, “and 1 was as great a one for asking such a foolish question.” Getting an Autograph. A Munich boy of fourteen, who had seen and admired many of Rudolf von Seitz’s paintings, was anxious to se- cure the painter’s autograph, but did not know how to go about it. After much thought he wrote a letter, stat- ing that he had sent a case of wine to the professor’s address, and wanted to know whether it had been received. Thinking the matter of sufficient im- portance the painter did not write, but called at the address given, met the boy’s mother, and the fraud soon be- came apparent. The boy was thor- ougly scolded, and next day received this autograph note: It often happens here on earth rhat little rogues to great ones grow. Some autographs for which you're trying Can be procured without much lytng. How did Queer Looking Worms. New Zealand, Australia, the Samoan and the Solomon islands as well as portions of the Hawaiian group: are the homes of various species of worms with thick, heavy bodies and with a well defined neck connecting the body with & head that is a startling remind- er of that of the monkey. In the Sand- wich islands they are called “me-ta- lu-ki,” which means *creeper with a child’s head.” An old New Zealand legend says that at one time they were of immense proportions-and threatened the extinction of all human life on the islands. Irish Wit. Swift scoffed at lrish “wit” in some biting lines. Nevertheless Irish wit is one of the most precious things. One soon has a surfeit of the professional funny man in England, the pawky Scot, the American humorist. The Irish peasant never disappoints, and with him it is all so naive and natural. —London Saturday Review. Goodness and Greatness. Goodness comes from within—~from feelings, thoughts and desires resulting In actions, Greatness is the conse- quence of bold actions, great energy, ambition, enterprise and perseverance. Impressed Her. “¥ou will never be able to make her believe that he is a lar. “I wonder why?” “I believe that he once told her she was beautiful:’—Houston Post. Backing. Borrowby—The scheme would be a howling success if I could secure the proper backing, and— Grimshaw— The only backing I am doing this year is out.—Puck. Integrity of life is fame’s best friend. —John Webster. A— L B LR o ey Bemidji Manufacturers, Wholesalers and Jobhers The Following Firms Are .hroughiy Reliable and Orders Sent to Them Will Be Promptly Filled at Lowest Prices The Crooksion Lumber Co. Wholesale Lumber, Lath and Building Mat:r'a’ Model Ice Cream, Snowflake Bread and Deelishus Candies Made at The Model Wholesale Bakery, Man- facturing Confectionery and Ice Cream Factory BEMIDII, MINN. NORTHERN GROGERY COMPANY WHOLESALE GROGERS 315 Minnesola Ave. Send your Mail Orders to GED. T. BAKER & GO0 Manufacturing Jewelers and Jobbers They are especially prepared to promptly fill all orders in their various lines of merchandise. Largest stock of Diamonds and ‘Watches and the finest equipped work- shop in Northern Minnesota, Special order work given prompt attention. Estimates furnished. Ghe Given Hardware Co. Successors to John Fleming & Co. Melges Bros. Co. ‘Wholesale Commission Fruit and Produce Wholesale and Retail Hardware Phone 57 Manufacturers of Creamery Butter 316 Minnesota Ave. — Typewriter Paper Do You Use It? AVON BOND is considered a paper far above tbe average and we have just received a supply that enables us to sell at a profit— 3 1-2 Ih,, 500 Sheets in a Neat Grey Box, for 75¢ 4 Ib,, 500 Sheets in a Neat Grey Box, for $1.00 It is just the thing for business and professional men, especially attorneys. When you're in the Pioneer store ask to be shown this particular brand of paper. The Bemidji Pioneer Stationery Store (Everything . for the Office) Security State Bank Building Fourth Street S R RSO NSRS S