The evening world. Newspaper, December 28, 1922, Page 24

Ob, Boctor! VERYBODY'S “day by day- ing,” “I am better,” they are saying, As they sweetly smile, "Tis a fad that's near uncanny, *Tis a fad that gets my nanny Every little whilg, Dr. Coue, you're a wonder, But by ginger and by thunder, ‘You should call a halt, Minds you mould as one moulds putty, Seems the world is going nutty, And it’s all your fault, Lots of good they bec you' Te do» trinkets, drums and dolls. It is la ing, Still, with every one pursuing Health, there’s something wrong, | But don’t fall for that myth about ten "1 am growing better, better,” hat’s sure one Angora-getter, I can’t stand it long, Tl be sick before you know it, If the faddists don’t forego it, Out of mind, as well, I, too, will be “day by daying,” While I’m clawing, . _ Swaying, ' In a padded cell OBSERVATIONS. “Hit ain't no disgrace,” says Uncle|kums sticks of dynamite and wreck Eph, “ter run frum trouble.” pt. Henry Saylor went down to the depot Monday night to meet his new cork leg. Japan has arrested a dozen pirates. They might put up the defense that | two-year-old kid. That's offtctal, from they were just Kidding. If the Swiss continue to scttle in| hour after opening up toy tool chest, Sullivan County as they have been | your darling ts little lamb tn wildeat’s doing lately, they’il become the whole | clothing. cheese up there. A Sassy Girl. aid he: “Dear, will you marry me!” Said she: “Not on your life! PU let the preacher marry you, But I will be your wife.” : TELEPHONE LOVE. dose oot ‘ike “dining-eat waticra. Bo, when vee aod her Chinese maid, Abba, re served with hard-boiled ona train, the engine jumps the track. No one suspects the girls of wrecking train, but might have done it revense, N det you Augustus ‘Thomas was the only handsome boy tn the Thomas family. the story.) ‘When the engineer stated posi- tively that the train would not run, all the passengers left it and started for Kansas City afoot. They knew that if they ever got to Kansas City they could go through the packing houses and enjoy, other sights. As they walked along the track, seven miles south of Los An- weles, Mary Dingle suddenly stopped. “Where is the California cli- mate wo hear so much about?” she demanded of Hector, the train conductor, who had de cided to accompany the party East. “There's a tree,” he replied. “What do you mean?” “Climb it.” Abba Dabba had once met sev- eral New York humorists and so she, of course, saw the joke. She did not laugh, however, as she suspicioned the -conductor was one of her humorist friends in disguise. Now go on with “Hello, Don,” she said. She ~Wwas using strategy. Nothing happened. At that point the dining-car waiter dropped a bottle. “Well,” said Mary, thoroughly aroused, “what United States Senator done that?” Things were getting rather complicated. At that point a shot rang out. It struck Hector, “Che train conductor, below the elbow. “I've just had a shot in the arm,” ho said. Hector did not die—he couldn't very well. He hadn't brought bis burial robe along. «fe Be Continued.) THIS AND THAT. “Say, Dud,” mie, Wyo. #unmen and the like.” enclosed the following rhyme: You Eastern scribblers, listen _ mowerwe want to talk to you. _~ We've got a rope; we've got a tree—we'd like te use ‘em too, on these who stay back East SqUIFMING, | pave ncard anclent proverd of dull in ot Bogash | plete. writes a man in Lara: to us, “out here we wish you'd tell a lot of your Eastern writ- to cut out the ‘Wild West’ stuff. ‘We're just as civilized as they are ye ‘and we don’t want to be pictured as And then he write fool “Wild West", tales ‘Trade Mark Reg. U. 8. Pat. Off. “hetants Terribles (American Plan) By Neal O’Hara Copyright, 1922 (New York Evening World) Prees Publishing Company TKE Clemenceau, Christmas has come and gone. It fs all over but receipted bills. Nothing re- mains of Yuletide commotion but shredded mass of your kiddies’ toys. It is all very nice of Santa Claus to trot down behind flock of handsome reindeer and peddle out items dear to cherubic heart. But what adults need more than red-coated St. Nick Is some strong arm junkman in blue overalls coming ten days later with herd of forty mules to haul away debris. Slaving under delusion of tiny fin- gers and pinkie toes, upright citizen blows in large wad on toys, games, LISTEN , my FRIEND THERE. SAYS 1 CAN'T MAKE A LEFT URN AT “This: CORNER - Just FOR THAT I'M Gouna ASK “T' COP ABOUT tT = Taare SHow You wio's RiGuT! Yoy'RE SO DOGGONE Positive ABOUT THAT ED, IT CONVINCES ME You'Re. — BUT IF I KETCH YE AT IT, (T'lt cost ¥' Ten BERRIES"! Have cr YOuR OWN WAY ~ BUT I KNow 1'M RIGHT ! ish outbreak of generosity complex— laudable, praiseworthy and very fine. tiny fingers and same line-up of toes. When planted tn range of Christmas. dewdads, those tiny fingers make Dempsey's paws look lke pair of Your Home me EYES Dust REMEMBER ALL He SILVER 139 MINE AND Luke f wake ve — THeRe OF MINE DowN cream puffs. So 16 THE FuRNITURE are BURGLARS BURGLARS WAT THe PIANO ’ Papo’s little man can do with bare eS auhic eUAH= DOWN STAIRS ¢ Pathe; Svains! fingernails what yeggmen pay diy money for to nitroglycerine trade. You BLA ~~! china shop. Well, fragtie offeprins surrounded by gifts make that bul: seem like rare butterfly. For wallop ing drum, you could give ttle Snoo of nursery would be no more com- Mob violence, Kensas cyclones and lighted match to hunt for gas leak never ruined mamma’s household like varnish and wall paper statistics, Half . ‘Trade Mark Reg. U. 8. Pat. Off. Goo-BRYE, Doeo&>hy, You ‘ee FREE AS 4 BIRD ~ THoPe Someaoay GNES You &HoME Wiege LITTLE GiRLS DONT Have TS EARN YOu REFORE THEY CAN HAVE You ld on weit, The TAKE | Her RACK Home. MAYRE P MOM'LL LET MARY HAVE THE POP AFTER ALL No You cant HANS, A | Roe TLL You GA a THE Money — I Just DARE UNCLE EZRA TS ‘Beaty pia Doe Home fies sT Sore, MISTER Dur | WE CANT TAKE Docs| MBACK~ You “ROUGHT | HER AND site's } Your Doe ' . Three billion tons of post-Xmas debris prove paralysis ain't wide- spread among infants this year, Give Uttle tots hammer and maybe a tat, and they show swift inclination to grow up for parcel post. What sol- der hath joined together, no man can tear asunder. But two-year-old apple of your eye can jerk it apart with one good smack, With return from eight doubtful States still missing, it is safe to state that lot of toys that were made in Germany look Iike lot of ruins that were made in France. Noah's Ark is now wreck of the Hesperus. Toy railroad is replica of New Haven sys- tem. And dolls look like last sad re- mains of vivisection clinic. When It comes to junking process, young America {s strong. That's why they named brand of cheese after him. [owen acer actiibeh ss th cg LET MARY EARN THE Monty For #4 Doe AMD sie 46 APReEciAr iT Aw THe MoeEe JUUA MAG ELDRIGE~ ‘unas STATON 1S ANB. re YA wk wha De You Tine ee om EAGHED WIRING Disdes etc. WE Dogwad Fo@ Vous 4aTe ScHeor, BING SASSY, ARNG RESULT IN Dest CONTINUBD “TS MoReOW ~ Mo -TQNCR BEER = Pa Is an “Old Timer”! THEN HOW Dou ware ME. To 2A | 7MNOW Wo IT biel SEMAN ES Y vers 1) SEE -—ER— IVE] ]. rosaoTren rh |_( Frei? AYouna FELLOW cate. in MY Ld OFFICE. “TODAY AND SAD You HAD PROMISED TO MARRY Hie HE FIRST OF THE For making private household look Uke pudlio dump, U. 8. infantile en- try cops Nobel award. Hands down and aces to spare, Forces of destruc- tion in our nurseries outnumber Krupp and du Pont plants in pleasant ratio of 65 to 1, Howitzers, mortars and 16-inch guns are as peashooters com- pared to kiddie’s toy hammer or little fellow’s heels, That's offictal, also. One instalment of the children's hour and you get scrap tron from toy fire engine, splinters from toy plano and sawdust from set of dlocks. [on HE GWE HS oe Samson caved in golid granite temple. Hot dog! Hercules tossed chariots like waitress flips wheat- cakes. Bravo! After thirty or forty years of practice, those guys were the strong men of antique vaudeville, But none of, current authenticated his- tories had ‘em cracking steel cleds and pulverizing stone dollies at the tender age of two. Isn't that right, Mr. Macaulay? Absolutely, Mr, KATINKA So You'Re TAKING | KATINKA ‘To THe | NEW Stow { THATS OPENING =| TONIGHT! --~ aa ze YES, MY.HISSUS WANTED To, SEE (T Too, SO THE Boss HAD To RUN DOWN FoR Tickets! WE'LL See Em THERE TONIGHT! 5 BALCONY ? You DONT MEAN To SAY You'Re GONNA MAKE A LADY SIT IN THE BALCONY JUST CAUSE TS A UL CHEAPER AW’ You WANNA SMOKE! THAT's MY IDEA OF A NARROW HINDED Piker!! (Yer, t €or Two FRONT SEATS Te CHOKING BALCONY, AND | UP THERE — TLL CHANGE THESE SEATS FoR world, to lily, pow And in spirit of propose this toas! ! about our growing Sta the hint and cut euch stories out. We don't go down to old New York and write of her tough slums. We don't write tales for magazines about Chicago's bums. We don’t hold Pittsburgh million- aires up for the world to see, We don’t uncover dirt down in St. Louis or K. C. 80 listen, when of us you'd write, le out the dan hall stuff Forget the “wild and woolly” part. Wyoming ign't tough. Our virt weigh our faults. So, We met a youth we know last aE ~ SS " Tuesday walking along Broadway AND NOW PERMIT US | DISCONCERTING REPLY. | visited her at a time wheh they were | rived, whereupon the older boy offered | pieces, ful boy your brother was. He wae very, very carefully. . st five ana}hungry. They called one evening|to divide his candy with the mother.| ‘Lhe neighbor wished to take advan. |not selfish with his candy.” “What's the matter?” we asked. To inform you that Dan Bopp of when the neighbor wa making candy,| When his two pleces had been con-|tage of this occasion to impress the} But Bob was not to be outdone ant WO little brothers « [ seven years, respecti worry Wellsville, ly, had York to bave his eyes treated, mother with the lack of manners in the two boys, and in a reproachful who came to New sumed Jack called the attention of the neighbor to the fact that he had a@ moment's pause ref ‘Well, you see, you didn’t give me “I got drunk on champagne yester day,” Le said, “and I'm afraid that if I jar my head, it will make me drunk again.” and, in response to thelr shy and wist fu) looks, she gave each of them two ims POEs BOGE. H1}O, (9 black pleces of candy. divided with his rfother, while little] voice sald to little Bob: enough to divide with mamma and ones. conduct and because they invariably At this juncture their mother ar-| Bob had selfishly disposed of his two “Now you see what a nice, thought-I have any Reft for myself,'’’—Juége. ' : ‘ t proven a slight to a nefghbor because of their boisterous 8 °