The evening world. Newspaper, November 23, 1922, Page 36

pyright, 1022 (New York Evening World) Ronrient Fe on Publiening Co Y father is a funny man, He thinks he knows a lot, But mother says, to tell the truth, But little sense he's got The other day she said to him, “John, send the tuner ‘round The upright has a broken key That won't give out a sound.” "For goodness sake!” Dad said to her, “Js that key all that’s wrong? Wait! I'll go get a tool or two And fix it—'twon’t take long.” He started for the instrument Arid took it all apart “These tuners aren't said he, “They're really not so smart.” so much Well, when he had it all apart And stood there smeared with dust, He couldn't reassemble it, So Dad sat down and cussed. A bill for just eleven bones Dad got for all his pains “I knew he'd fail,’ my said, “He hasn't got much brains.” OBSERVATIONS. Michigan man paid $256,000 for a strawberry plant. Gosh, what short- cake that fellow's going to have! Kanas City pugilist drank some soda recently and becamo unconsci- ous. Probably knock-out drops! Satatisics show Prohibition has not emptied jails. But who wil! say it hasn't emptied bottles? If women Ku Kluxers have to wear masks, bet your life beauty won't be rampant in the female member- ship. We saw a sign reading “The Fool.” hanging from the markee of the ‘Times Square Theatre to-day. As we looked, Harvey Philitps appeared in the lobby and yelled: “Come in and see me.” mother Listen. If you toould only pause to think, When mad enough to choke, That the word that cuts the deen cat is The word that's never spoke You'd let the other fellow rave Till the storm had passed away, Then he would get to thinking of The things you didn't say Ima B. TELEPHONE LOVE. (Why 416. protty Mary Dingle the devil? ‘This abso pitfalls that confront it will tell you.) “Give me a cigaret A pretty, blonde girl wearing earrings, the bloom of youth still on her cheeks in spots, asked it of a young man in a cafe. “Why, Mary Dingle, I'm sur- prised. You don't smoke, do you? The girl leaned over the table. “I have never smoked in my life, but now I intend to go to the devil, I shal! smoke and stay up ult P.M.” “But, Mary” (there was horror in his voice), “remember, are a telephone ‘Central.’ do nothing rash.’ “Too late, my friend!" The youth excused bimself. saying he wished to go to the kitchen and get a toothpick, In- Aead he went to the telephone you Do not “Listen, ‘Central!’" he said, suppressing his excitement “Mary Dingle, who works up there, is in this cafe and she in tends to go to the devil » “Number, please!’ The youth frowned “Oh, you go to the devil, too!” “What number, please?” Slamming the receiver on the hook he returned to the table : e you paid the check Mary?” he asked. (To be continued.) THIS AND THAT. “Bnclosed,” says a letter from ‘William Peri Hall, “please find a oem of verse which I trust will find ® place in your inebriated column. If you can't use it don’t you think I gould get it in on the ‘What Did You See’ page?” Here's the poem: Autumn has come and the leaves ‘A-fluttering fall to the ground The birds fly South and their wings A-flapping, make scarcely a sound But love that eulumn. ts true knows no ZS NOAH’S CLASSIC BONEHEAD. ONEHEADS have been pulled B since the dawn of light. The idea that any particular age sees them running wild is a mistake. The first famous bonehead that Mstory records was pulled by no less a personage than old Noah Noah simply couldn't see things right: he had no vision and, therefore, missed the ‘Golden Chance He had forty Jong nights In which to get up and put the only two mosquitoes in the world out of business. He could have done it with one smash of his fly swatter. But Noah snored away at the switch and in time the dove ap- peared with the olive branch and the next day the people walked off the ark onto land—and the mosquitoes went with them. ‘There are many other famous bone heads that might be here recorded, but none of them equals old Noah's as a work of art, so the committee appointed for the purpose has decided unanimously to place his name in the Hall of Fame.—Dert Walker in the Topeka Capital DAYS FAR APART. N Irishman was approached by A his landlord who reminded him that he was in arrears for his rent and requested him to pay up. The Irishman responded that he was out of work and could not pay at the time but would do so, some day, if the landlord would let him remain. But the landlord was obdurate and exclaimed: “Well, then, I will give you three days to vacate and get out.” The Irishman scratched his head for a moment and then said: ‘All right. I will take New Year's Day, Saint Patrick's Day and the Fourth of July.”—Judge. SWEET SIMPLICITY. RS. CASEY was calling upon Mrs. Callahan, and soon the talk turned to the daughter of the latter, who had but recently re- turned from school in another town “There's a plain girl for ye,” sald Mra. Callaha “absolutely no airs, in spite of the fact that she has been at a finishing — school. Nothing stuck up about Mary. She's unanimous to everybody and never keeps a girl friend waiting. No, Mrs. Casey, she just runs down, non de plume as she is!" Philadelphia Press M The curate was visiting the newly wedded folks, and the new Mrs. Meek was trying to make a good impression on him. “Yes,"" she was saying, “my step- daughter is as near to me as my own daughter. 1 show no preference and love them equally.”’ There was a step outside the door, then a tap. NOT HER DARLING. MEEK, a widower with one daughter, had married Mrs, Wild, a widow with a daugh- Mrs. Wild put on her kindliest smile. “Is that you, darling?” she asked. “No, ma," came the weary voice of her stepdaughter, “it’s me."’—Judge. ACRO- Y-ATICS. i lage ge MAY had penchant for clipping Given ¢ pair of scissors, she would leave nothing unslit, and ¢ day, in frenzy of joy, she cut her curly-haired baby brother's head quite bald. “Miss shrieked the nurse “How May, now on the verge of tears. You wicked little story teller! the back of his bh “Why-—why, tween her sobs “why, he Chicago Heru on the stool!" COULDN'T BUNCO HIM HAT has to pay the Al fare whether going two blocks or five miles will never n quite right to many of us. It tainly didn't to the farmer who board ed a car at C- square und asked the fare to G—-— street “Ten cents,"’ sald the conductor “Why, I can ride to the end of the line for that."* “Yes, but it will cost you the same to go to G street.” “You aint goin’ to bunco me." growled the farmer, ‘Darned if 1 don't ride to the end of the line walk back.""-Boston Transcript an My love is ever aglow A-quivering, my heart must tell you Wow, oolah! J love you so Louise Allen, actress, wept! guto- JOE., BEA GOOD LITTLE Soy — if JUMP IN THE CAR AND Go GET | Tese GRoCFIIES “1 YOU_EXPECT ANY Pvt Do Tar | VtRy “THING FoR { [vey “ime FoR Le Ma, THE BIG LITTLE FAMILY For Me IF DIANNE? 7 1S Vv 0 Hey !| Boss! W'WANTED ON ONIGHT ! { Trade Mark Reg. U. 8. Pat. Off RRR ARR AAA, a | c'mon “Tommy — F) SLIP ME MY DRWER AN' A SNAPPY CADDY.- T WANTA PRACTICE. NERILY 1 CRAVED AN EXCUSE. GET CO OF THe HOUSE — Now I CAN SNEAK ‘IN Yo TH'CLUB FOR A HALE HOUR AN" TRY ouT “WAT NEW GRIP IKE BoxD™ fa t 0 SHOWING ME YOUR WIFE JUST PHONED, AN SAID TEC. You sHe's IN A HURRY For THOSE GROCERIES ! MESSAGE. FoR You- Good L' Boy! —— a ee SWessin! YouR WIFE 1S ASKIN’ FoR You ON TH’ PHone ! - ASK FOR — = HER HuBeY DEAR” «OR SUSsT ) HER HUSBAND! y) y Y) | ) Y hook WHAT MY New BOG WENT Ari} DONE? How MoM'LL SPANK ME AND I WONT CET MY DaALLAR ¢ \ | SAY YOu TAKE MY Dog AN KEEP HIM | & COUPLE “oO DAYS WILL Ya 2 1 o-RBoBBie- ANT HAT Too Bad 2 look WHAT Your. DOG Wealt AND DONE ¢ Here comes [% Mom Now INTO SOMETHING. HAVE A DocTOR —_—_—_— CALLERS ALL READY! THAT FELLER HAS A SWELL CAR goes C OW CANT BE BOTHERED WITH A DOCTOR . AUNTY, SORRY Tt A DAY Too EARLY! WHEN SHE ARRIVES TELL HER IRUDOLPH VASILINO, THE SCREEN | STAR, CALLED! 1 KNOW SHE e y LIKES MOR TRIPS, AND — \Copr. 1922 (NZ Y. Eve. World) By Press Pub. IM GONG OUT NOW BUT WWE CALLED ) a THE ‘DOCTOR....... HELL BE WERE ) \N A FEW MINUTES. 3 Ce ; = re WeLt ) Wont) fap SeE_ nin }~ TELL HIM \M NOT WELL ENOUGH TO SEE HIM! “| |.cépr. 1922 (N.", Bre World) By Prose Pub. Go wy, WOULD “You re Soop! THEN LET ME SELL ——} r se So Do UKE 7 Go IN Ip Love You THe Ticket! IT's THe Sites HER Pre ? / To! ANNUAL OUTING OF THE CAMERA) GIRLS, MR. aa oo LL me) MEN'S ASSOCIATION — THE 5 $ - Pie Buses Leave AT 5S VASILINO t ing with Russell Mack, actor, and M ne ° “Why do you say that?” he asked.Jwas being unloaded in our home] pile of boards near the car, look-| “Hub!” he said, “Dis heab show's} who kissed Policeman Cornibert fa t he car hit ag e 4 “Bee se abo oO 5 e - . i. a es * aoe Pee Ag previa, bi meh i B ane about half the time weltown one time and a Negro boy of ing on. Suddenly a piece of scenery|gittin’ funny a’ready for stopping that runaway horse fe orded as over|were riding you used only t v - a Louise said: wheels,” said she. nly tol about eighteen was helping in the|W#® ®W¥ns around by a man at will meet us in Central Park piesa : iB,” BALE he i 4 : work in the car and it knocked the : : ; ( Pare _pognpmical. wb. your, hope of getting u free gallery seat.J ambitious boy down. The lazy ong AND NOW PERMIT US | ani bring « wild steed along tires, aren't you, Russell? The scenery for a minstrel show{Anéther young Negro was lying on grinned and chuckled, to say that if the beautiful lady we'll take a chagom Kees jams (0% Rea Wat Br Bros Ooh Ca Ken Kine.