The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, November 20, 1904, Page 23

THE. SAN FRANCISCO CAL ER 20, 1904. B ——— MR. DOOLEY DISCUSSES AT LENGTH THE INTELLECTUAL LIFE WRITTEN FOR THE CALL BY F. P. DUNNE Copyright, 1904, by McClure, Phillips.& Co. - sir,” said Mr. Doo- ‘it must be a gran’ ng to be a colledge profissor.” “Not much+« to do,” Mr. Hennessy. iut a gr-reat deal to say,” said Mr. Doo- “Yvry day th’ minyit I pick up me a-aper, afther I've read th’ criminal an’ poliytickal news, th’ spoortin’ news, e ate advertisemints, th’ invytation m th’ cultured foreign gent to meet the American lady iv some means (object, a matther iv more money), th’ spoortin’ news over again, thin th’ iditoryals, I hasten to find out what th’ colledge profissor had to say yesterday. I wisht th’ iditor wud put in th’ same column iv th’ pa-aper ivry | Thin he wudden’t have to collect anny ther funny column. ‘Humorous—Profissor v Harvard makes a savidge at- Abrabam Lincoln.” As it is, I some- mes have to hunt through th’ pa-aper frm Newport scandal, on page wan, to th’ relligious notes, on page two hundherd an’ four, befure I come acrost me fav'rite funny ayin’s iv funny fellows. ey er ‘T've been collectin’ these wurruds iy, wis- me, Hinnissy, an’ I’'m now prepared to deliver ye a sample colledge subjecks frm th’ creation iv Young gintlemen: I will be- sayin’ that I have me doubts about us stories consarnin’ th’ creation iv In th’ first place, I dismiss d laugh the theery that it was six days. ] cud make such a as this in two days with a ; preposterous is th’ idee om fr a long re on all th’ wurraid. e at all, but grew up out is that th’ wurruld is hat was chipped off be dee moon, cooled down an’ As to its age, I dif- | o vertised f'r roomers. | nodded. fer with th’ Bible. Me own opinyon iv th’ age iv th’ arth is that it is about twinty- cight years old. That is as far as I go back. “‘Speakin’ iv th’ Bible, it is an inthrestin’ wurruk, but th’ English is poor. I advise all iv ye not to injure ye’er style be readin’ the prisint editions, but if ye want rale good English ye will read th’ Bible thranslated into Hoosier di'lect be Profissor Lumsum Jiggs iv th’ Univarsity iv Barry’s Corner, wan iv our gr-reatest lithrachoors, whose loss to th’ sody wather business was a gloryous gain to rellijon an’ letthers. If ye want to make a comparison to show ye how lithrachoor has improved, compare th’ wurruks iv Homer an’ Jiggs. -Homer nodded. He niver nodded to me, but he But has Jiggs nodded? He hasn’t time. He is on his four thou- sandth book now an’ has larned to wurruk a sicond typewriter with his feet. Read Jiggs an’ frget about Homer. As fr Shakespere, he is a dead wan. Th’ opinyon 1 have iv Shakespere is so low that I will not express it befure ladies. I ain’t sayin’ that his wurruks have not been pop’lar among th’ vulgar. An’ he might have amounted to something if he had been ijjacated, but his language is base, an’ he had no imagination. Bill fr a while. Th’ gr-reatest potes th’ wurruld has projooced are Ransom Stiggs an’ J. B. Mulcoon iv Keokuk. Th' Keokuk School of pothry has all others badly stung. J. B. Mulcoon has discovered more rhymes f'r dear thin Al Tinnyson iver heerd iv. “‘Me opinyon iv pollyticks, if ye shud ask me fr it, is that we might as well give up th’ experiment. A govermint founded be an’ ol' farmer like George Wash'nton an’ a job printer like Ben Frank- lin was bound to go down in roon. It has abandoned all their ideels, which was a good thing, an’ made worse wans. Look at Niver. | I guess that will hold { | COLLEGE PROFESSORS FURNISH MR DOOLEY WITH DRILY HUMOR (14 VRY day th’ minyit I pick up me pa-aper afther I've read th’ criminal an’ other pollytickal news, th’ spoortin’ news, th’ rale estate advertisemints, th’ invytation fr'rm th’ cultured foreign gent to meet an American lady iv some means, object a matther iv more money, th’ spoortin’ news over again, thin th’ iditoryals, I hasten to find out what th’ colledge pro-fissor had to say yesterdah. I wisht th’ iditor wud put it in th’ same column iv th’ pa-aper ivry day. Thin he wudden’t have to collect anny other funny column. ‘Humorous: | | Profissor Windhaul iv Harvard makes a savidge attack on Abraham Lincoln.” As it is, I sometimes have to hunt through | | th’ pa-aper fr'm th’ Newport scandal on page wan to th’ rellig- ious notes on page two hundherd an’ four before I come acrost me fav'rite funny sayin’s iv funny fellows. “Pro-fissor Windhaul didn’t land on Lincoln till he was sure iv his ground. He first made inquiries an’ found out that there was such a man. Thin he looked f'r his name among th’ gradjates of Harvard. Thin he bumped him. It's a good thing Lincoln was dead before he was assaulted. He niver wud have survived the attack.” — + Lincoln. There’s a fellow ivrybody is al-| corse, rough people, who ar-re sawin’ up | ways crackin’ up. But what did he amount | lumber an’ picklin’ pork, an’ who niver had What did he do but carry on a war,|a thought iv th’ higher life that makes men free the slaves an’ run mis‘rnblelaspire to betther things an’ indijestion. | counthry? But who asked him to free th’| They ar-re ye’er fathers an’ mine, young slaves? I didn't. A man utterly lackin’ in | gintlemen. Can I say worse thin that? An’ principle an’ sinse iv humor, he led a mob | to think iv th’ likes iv thim runnin’ this an’ was conthrolled be it. An’ who ar-re th'| govermint. By Jove, if I had raymimbered mob that direot this counthry? A lot iv'las’ Choosday that it was iliction day I'd to? this have larned fr'm me milkman how to vote, an’ gone down to th’ polls an’ dhriven thim fr'm power. Well, there’s wan consolation about it all—the counthry won't last long. I noticed th’ other day it had begun to crack. Whin it sinks, ye'ers thruly will be near th’ edge, ready to jump off. Annyhow, it don’t matther much. Th’ American peo- ple ar-re all gettin’ to be Indyans again. Walkin’ down to-day I obsarved twinty- two people who looked to me like Indyans. Nex’ week I intind to verify me con- clusyons be buyin’ a picture iv an Indyan. But I'm intirely convinced that in three or four years, at laste, we'll all be livin’ in wickey-ups an’ scalpin’ each other. With these few remarks, let us ingnirers fr knowledge go out an’ commit suicide on th’ futball field. Ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh! Bazzy- bazoo! Tufts! “I Tike it, Hinnissy. What I like most about it is that a colledge profissor niver speaks fr'm impulse. He thinks ivrything out thurly befure announcin’ his opinyon. Th’ theery iv me larned frind down in Rockyfellar’s colledge that very soon ye'd see me r-rushin’ down Archey Road with a tommyhawk in me hand’ thryin’ to thrade off a pony f'r a wife an’ a wife f'r a bottle iv. wood alcohol, didn’t leap out iv his gr-reat brain in a scandalous hurry. He pondered it long an’ carefully. Th’ idee sthruck him at breakfast, while he was eatin’ his prunes, an’ did not machure till he was half through with th’ ham an’ eggs. So with Profissor Windhaul. He didn’t Jand on Lincoln till he was sure iv his ground. He first made inquiries an’ found out that there was such a man. Thin he looked fr his name among th’ gradjates iv Harvard. Thin he bumped him. It's a good thing Lincoln was dead befure he was assaulted. He niver wud have survived th’ attack. “It’s a fine thing f'r th’ young men who set at th’ feet iv these larned docks. A Iit- — tle boy is chased away fr'm home an’ enthers wan iv these here siminaries. He was licked yesteday f'r neglectin to “scrub below th’ chin, but to-morrah he will be cheerin’ Profissor Bumpus tells univarsal suffrage was a bad break. If he has a weak chest an’ can't play futball he goes on imbibin’ wisdom ontil he arrives at th’ dew pint, whin his alma mather hurls him at th’ onfortchnit wurruld. He knows fifty thousan’ things, but th’ on’y wan iv thim that he cud prove is that Heffelfinger was a gr-reat futball player. Thin begins his rale colledge ca- reer. Th' post-gradjate coorse is th’ best in th’ wurruld. Th’ enthrance fee is all he has. Th’ wurruld takes it away fr'm him th’ minyit he thries to apply his colledge profissor’s idee that undher th’ doectrine iv probabilities two pair ought to bgat three iv a kind. He hasn’t on’y wan new pro- fissor, but twinty millyon—ol’ an’. young, rich an’ poor, men an’ women, especially women. He can’t shirk his lessons. He has to be up in ¢h’ mornin’ bright an’ arly, larnin’ an’ passin’ examinations. He'’s on’y told annything wanst. If he don’t raymim- ber it th’ nex’ time he is asked some pro- fissor gives him a thump on th’ head. Aany time he don’t like his dear ol’ alma mather he can quit. Th' wurruld ain’t advartisin” f'r anny students. It has no competitors an” th’ lists are always full. Th’ coorse lasts f'm wan to sixty years, an’ it gets harder to’rd th’ commincemint day. If he’s a good scholar an’ behaves himsilf an’ listens to th’ profissors an’ wurruks hard he can grad- jate with honors. In anny case he is al- lowed to write out his own diploma. He konws best what he is entitled to.” “If ye had a boy, wud ye sind him to col- ledge?” asked Mr. Hennessy. “Well,” said Mr. Dooley, “at th’ age whin a boy is fit to be in colledge I wudden't have him around th’ house.” wildly while him ! ONEST men are Diogenes not as scarce as would have us believe. little sympathy with that ancient cynic who hunted ] the streets with candles at noonday to find an honest man. Di- ogenes’ nearest neighbor may have had quite as much difficulty in making such a discovery. If you think there is not a true man living you had better, for | appearances’ sake, not say so until you | are dead. Nor have we any sympathy with the | eynic who, as history informs us, be- irg ordered to summon the good men of the city before the Roman censor, proceeded immediately to the grave- yard and, standing on a grave, called | to the dead below, saying he knew not where to find a good man alive. saying that “one cannot be honest and live” and that other one, “every man has his price,” are both as old as the devil and just as little to be believed. There are “good men and true” in every walk of life. But there never was a greater need than now of the inculcation of hon- esty in the common affairs of life. Mr. Froude, the distinguished historian, said that he had heard hundreds of | sermons on the non-essentials, “but | never one on common honesty, or those We have | The | “The TAorld Ms Looking for TH | The public mind is diseased on the} | subject of money-making. The heroes | |are fast getting to be those who have | | most skill in swallowing trust funds, | | in engineering grafts and shady flnan~: clal schemes. Our young men are daz- | zled by the quick success and say, | “That's the way to do it. He was a | poor man a few years ago; now see | what a gorgeous turnout!” Hundreds | of ycung men are being indoctrinated |in the idea that money must be had | quickly, and that the larger the scale | | on which they take it, the more admir- | able the business acumen. It is to| be feared that the application of our | bankrupt laws often reduces stealing | to a fine art. A man may wipe out his debts by compromising with his cred- itors and, strange to say, will be treat- ed kindly in proportion to his fall. Smash on a small scale and the world will jump on you with both feet:; smash on a grand scale and the world | will take you by the hand. He who steals a vest from a second-hand cloth- ing store gets a ride in the city van without the opportunity of looking out of the window, but the defaulter as- tonishes Golden Gate Park with his equipage. Nevertheless, it is still as| true as ever that “he that hath clean | hands shall be stronger and stronger.” Financial success won at the sacri- fice of conscience is the worst kind of a mitted in the name of success. Men have obtained millions .of dollars by legal or illegal thieving and ught their way into soclety who ought to be in the penitentiary. Better to be a man than merely a millionaire. Get- rich-quick schemes are flooding the land. Fortunes are offered the people for nothing. Men prominent in church and state are published as directors, used as decoy ducks to draw in the unsuspecting. The only explanation of the prosperity of these transparent frauds is in Carlyle’s concise census of the population—"mostly fools.” If it were not that the desire for wealth has become a mania, no one would ex- pect to get a dollar for 50 cents, unless it be a counterfeit, nor believe that gold mines go begging for stockholders. As a matter of selfishness “honesty is the best policy.” But he who is honest for policy’s sake is already a moral bank- rupt. Men of policy are honest when they think honesty will pay the better, but when policy will pay better they give honesty the slip. Honesty and policy have nothing in common. When policy is in, honesty is out. It is more honorable for some men to fail than for others to succeed. Rather be like Longfellow’s honest blacksmith, “who looked the whole world in the face and feared not any man,” than enrich yourself at the sacrifice of character | primitive commandments—thou shalt [ REV. E. NELANDER. b | not lle; thou shalt not steal. failure. Many crimes have been com- | and conscience. " AN EDUCATIONAL INNOVATION AND ITS GOOD RESULTS | Young men have often a stiff battle to fight. It is not an easy matter in these days to get just into the groove we would like. Success In any line is difficult of attainment. Competition is excessive and numbers find it hard to make a living. But I am bound to say that given probity and persever- ance, I have never yet seen a man go to e wall. I have met with plenty of young men in trouble, but in most cases there was some moral defect. ‘With business honeycombed with fraudulence, with swindling elevated to almost a science, with employers who have one code of virtue for domestic life and another for business, with so many cheating all around them, it takes courageous fidelity to principle to maintain rigid integrity. It is not soldiers that do all the ughting. A man may stand without flinching near the cannon’s mouth, or bear without a murmur acute pain and yet be a poor coward in the presence of temptation. To stand with manly firmness “four- square to all the winds that blow,” to refuse to budge one Inch across the line of principle, displays a nobler quality than all the mere animal pluck of the soldier, who Faces fearful odds For the ashes of his fathers And the temples of his gods. Such young men there are in San Francisco to-day. From letters that I am continually onest (MNen By THE REV. E. NELANDER, Ph. D., Pastor First English Evange | lical L.utheran Church. l receiving from parents far away who tremble for their sons in this city, it seems to be taken for granted it is| simply a vortex of iniquity, sucking in | to their certain ruin the youths who‘ flock hither. The notion is as false as| it is baseless. Thousands of business | men in our city are prosecuting busi ness—and successfully—with a sensitive and scrupulous conscience, and thera] are here as noble bands of pure and | right-minded young men as can be| found anywhere. Honest men are in demand. A high- minded, truthful man may not meet| with success immediately, but he is on | the surest road to it. The world is| looking for honest men. ‘Wanted—Honest men in politics. For a time the people will allow themselves to be fooled, will let the rings of every party nominate men who belong to them body and soul, so that when the voter in the election booth makes ready to exercise his great prerogative as an American citizen he finds that he is limited to a choice between two thieves! But you can not fool the people all the time—th2re will be a demand for hon- est men. Boss Tweed will eventually | | lived to see the folly of his epigram and was manly enough to acknowledge it Wanted—Honest farmers! So many and probably the most successful of our citizens were reared on the farm. Many of the homely virtues of truth- fulness and fair dealing were inculeat- ed there. Yet deceptions do not all clus- ter around city halls. Not all farmers are hcnest. We may well plead for more honesty in those agriculturists who are not over scrupulous. Wanted—Honest merchants! A mer- chant can to the last item be honest. There is never any need of falsehood misrepresentation. Yet how many lies were told yesterday over the counters of our commercial establishments! While considered insignificant because relating to insignificant sales, the man who told them compromised himself and picked his own pocket. ‘Wanted—Honest men and women ndt only behind the counter, but before the. counter; honest employers and-hongst employes; honest lawyers, honest doe- tors and honest preachers. “An honest man’'s the noblest worlk of God,” sang Pope: and Burns put’it: wear the stripes. “Honest Abe” will | eventaally occupy the Presidential | chair. The United States Senator who | “An honest man, though ne’er sae poor, is king of men for a’ that.” And both were quite in line with the said “that the ten commandments had ‘;Greaz Teachers' précept, “Dé urié oth- anything to- do with American poli-jers as ye would have others do-ansx tics was only an iridescent dream™ !you.” - Teachers of Amador Hold Their Annual County Institute at the State Normal Schbol, San Jose. ortant educational ex-]of all drawbacks to successful insti- tutes, it is next to impossible to obtain s been made dur- These teachers and longed to help them to|stage lines and by the Mount Hamilton larger spheres of thought and practice. | Stage Line, the liberal round trip rate g o 5 ¥ | of $4 35 from Ione to San Jose was se- week by the he Amador Coun- the State ol at San Jose. rtant because more im- son of its mitial charac- tu from long es- st s; it lecturers from the universities. lecturers simply cannot afford to spend | tpe time that is needed to reach moun- | tain points. | For ten years past the repeal of the | institute law has been repeatedly dis- cussed in county institutes and State associations, the agitation culminating After wrestling with the problem for a time he took counsel with some of the leading educators of the State and de- cided upon an expansive movement. That small county should no longer be the horizon of his teachers. In 1901 af- ter securing their co-operation and pledge of attendance he next obtained the written consent of all the boards of cured from the Southern Pacific Rail- | way, with stopover privileges in Palo Alto and San Francisco, and special rates obtained from hotels in San Jose and San Francisco. Thus the endeavor to bring the expenses of railway fare and hotel charges within the limits of a week's salary of each teacher was successful. sre than a |in several instances in the passage of esclutions favoring an early change ? th h of California has | in the lawg But here all action ended; gid ed the holding of an an- | no suitable substitute for the local in- : majority of | stitute was in sight. out excep- | Up in the foothills of the Sierras, per- v has been interpreted 10 | pape 100 miles from San Francisco as N aihy i © €S- | the crow flies, lies the little countv of ke : teachers’ meetings should | Amador. It has less than 600 square held in their own cou : This has | mijles of territory and its chief interest en deemed a hardship in many coun- | is mining. A railroad enters its west- ern line terminating at Ione. The pop- mOUntain | yiation js not far from 12,000 and the ountjes. It is certain that they are | school children number 3500. This coun- handicapped by reason of their loca- | ty has a school superintendent, George tion and aiso by their sparse popula- | 5 Gordon, of whom it may be said in toms. In these rugged regions the brier that his mind for a number of towns are small and widely separated, | years was in the condition sometimes the available funds for the expenses of | termed a “state of glorious discontent.” the institules are scanty and, greatest | He recognized the limitations of his :ies, which are remote from educational enters, particularly the district trustees to the holding of the annual institute among scenes of pro- fessional interest in Alameda County. | The time was spent in visiting the lec- ture rooms and library of the State University and in close inspection of the schools of Berkeley and Oakland. Such satisfaction and so many solid benefits were realized by this traveling institute that Superintendent Gordon determined this year upon a more am- bitious effort. Among his - sixty-six | world geography under the super- teachers there are only eight who have | vision of an experienced instructor had professional training and an equal jwhose broad study had been supple- number Who have attended a summermented by a year’s travel around the normal school. Believing that thelworld. Primary reading and language greatest gain that could be realized by | were illustrated by teaching of train- his body of teachers would come |ing classes along the lines of-work that through a thorough personal examina-|are done in Amador County. Nature tion of normal school methods he made | study was similarly shown with chil- arrangements Wwith the officials for a|dren, whose delightful freedom indi- visit to the State Normal at San Jose.|czted how closely such a subject Concessions were made by the local [touches a child's heart. Drawing be- Of the whole number of sixty-six Amador County teachers, sixty-five came, one being detained by illness. The teachers on arriving at San Jose received a hearty and enthusiastic welcome from President Dailey and the faculty of the Normal School. A programme had been specially pre- pared which gave the visitors a view of practically all the work carried on in the school. Lectures were given in came intensely interesting when many studies was manifested. talk on the use of the solar lantern re- vealed its adaptation to illustrate many grammar school studies. In the work accomplished in the training de- partment the visitors recognized the value of modern theories which have been carefully worked out through practice. Not least of all attention be- stowed on this actual school work was that of manual training. This work alike of scholars in the training de- partment and that of the student teachers was watched with keenest in- terest and many wishes were expressed for the early introduction of such exercises in Amador County. It was apparent that there were no dissenting views among the sixty-five vistors regarding the value of this di- rect insight of normal work. One of them voiced her appreciation by say- ing: “To me the greatest benefit of this trip is its broadening and general cultural effect.”” Others said: “I was impressed with the excellence of the methods of the primary work,” “It has stimulated our desires to advance ourselves in the art of teaching,” “It is a wonderful eye opener and incen- tive,” while a chorus of voices pro- claimed that in their ingreased knowl- edge of the principles of teaching and its | the power to broaden the knowledge of |reaped a rich return. The | rival at home each teacher is expect- inspiration received they had Upon their ar- intendent has evidently sought to ac- complish the greatest possible good for his teachers and hence for his 334 schoo! children, by an interpretation of the intent of the law, rather than of its form only. If the scacel law does not now warrant such expeditions, which Still another gain was predicted byfmay so wondreusly broaden and one of the officers of the Normal |struct, it is high time that the law School when he said: “Probably half | should be changed. Certam it is that of the Amador teachers will come |sixty-five Amador teachers and a su- here sooner or later for professional | periutendent-have | ‘sitive convictions training.” upon this point. The side trip to Mount Hamilton| The institute law as it now stands is and the views there afforded were de- | an incongruity. It 18 more than th lightful. At Stanford University an-|it is an absurdity. Conceding its er other rich treat awaited these travel- | nent value in the past. is it wise o ers. Cordial greetings and the open- | compel all sections of the State of ing of all the treasures of museum. | widely varying educational develop- chapel and Ilibrary were theirs. |ment and possibilities to “ollow one Throughout the week the weather |inelastic inflexible law? Should not this clerk has been so thoughtful and gen- | law be made opticnal witn the various. erous as to leave nothing to be de- | counties? Let those counties that wisi sired. Summing up the experiences|to maintain the institute do so by all of these six days the teachers regard | means. Grant to others latitudss them from an individual standpoint as | in appointing the place and occa- constituting a red letter occasion. | sion. If others still - prefer to From a professional standpoint they | sc~d their teachers *- = summer nor-" deem it an unqualified success. mal in lieu of an institute, make it If it is urged regarding this education- | possible in some manner for them to al innovation that there is no express | obtain, this boon. Let ten years of sanction of law for the convening of | fruitless discussion on the value of ths a county institute away from its ac- : institute law give place to liberal, customed limits, it may also be said broad gauged legislation befitting Cai- that no law prohibits 1t. This super- | ifornia. ed to report to the superintendent from her full notebook the two things which have most impressed and ben- | efited her.