The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, December 13, 1903, Page 5

THE fUNDAY CALL. MRS RUSJELL SAGE DISCUSSES ™ OLD AND NEW SOCIETY Wi\ NEW SAGE ROME WHERE THE AGED FINANCIER STILL MISSES 1S OLD BAT (EG - CHARITIES AND A CHAT B THE Pacific Atlantic, in f the s aln world wh s his nam an mpanion for m ty years, is but little less known Those who know he life—a life as simple humblest of her sist v - for her sterling w character whose strength lles 1ty and sweetness e who have met her here her works of and organization have learned pect her for her justice and Those who have gone to he for edvice and for comfort have never falled to receive &t the hands of this Sracious wom words of good cheer end encouragement, helpful to many a weary, despondent sister to whom the Tho! here in and burdens and sorrows of life seemed more than her frail shoulders could earry The idea that wealth brings leisure and exemption from duties, pleasantor otherwise, proves fallacious in the case of Mrs. Sage. Her days are filled to overfiowing. She is her own secrstary, though often declaring that she cannot be any longer and that she must of ne- cessity have some one to keep her many papers in order, answer her numerous nts and be a medium be- and an often obtru- but the secretary never sentinel of the house is a young d, who has answered the many rings 2t the door in the old New York house. She knows every one who has ever been ce, and remembers wheth- is agreeable you are treated by door is opened to auge your standing d esteem of the lady of the caller of the house Mrs all intimate with knows that the n is no sinecure is one which calls for great tactfulness. If the hun- dreds of people who ring that doorbell and ask to see Mrs. Sage during the week were admitted indiscriminately it d prove tod great a tax upon her. age is most affable, grac! to a fault to the many seeking interviews and proposing wilder schemes than ever any Wall street promoter dreamed of. She is very fond of telling how much more honorable In paving a debt is a woman than a man. Men have told her, she will say, that young girls to whom they have advanced money for the pur- pose of taking any particular study will nine times out of ten liquidate the loan more promptly than & young man to whom money has been advanced to help him through college. She is very proud of this honorable trait in her sex. Her day begins usually between 7 and 7:30. She has an enormous mail, mostly Mrs. u composed oz begging letiers. She has scores of engagements for charities and social duties, and in between a crowd of callers, some on business, some to enlist co-operation in their pet fads and many warm friends, She is very determined. Does a cha- rity or project appeal to her she will give you her hearty indorsement and financial assistance; but let it not ap- peal to her and the rock of Gibraltar is not more adamantine. She is strong in her likes and dislikes, but gracious, even to a woman for whomi she has no sym- pathy. The encroachments of trade, the de- molishing and remodeling of the build- i on either side of them, forced Mr. and Mrs. Sage to realize that the home hallowed by the memories of over thirty vears of an ideal married life must be abandoned: and then came the long and wearisome hunt for a new home. For a long time Mr. Sage demurred, but the quiet determination of the wife won the day. Mrs, Sage resigned her- self to the discomfort of remaining in town house-hunting, later house-fur- nishing, and the summer was devoted to the task of pulling up and moving away from the houge to which she had gone as a bride. During all this time Mr. Sage's com~ fort was her first thought, and he at- tended to his regular business undis- turbed by the fact that his home was being dismantled. The new house was all furnished and his personal effects packed and moved, and one day not more than two months ago-he was told: | | . | == e corre siin Tee JOCIETY WOMANY DAY REAILY LIVED TEROUGH' DAY 15 HArLF SZGINy WHEN St TBE ORDINARY WOMANYT ON - { By Ian Maclaren. Author of “Beside the Bonnle Brier Bush.” BEGGING LETTERS | S ¥ FGGING are a dreary waste, sometimes of imposture, sometimes of shiftlessnesss and though not often, nd undeserved misery, has also a charming whose father letters secasionally of genuine need the man usged 10 be a verger in the church where your father once had a pew, and had, that is the father of your correspond- ent, the highest respect for the com- manding = arance and courtecus manner of other father, that is your , the strength of which the who doesn’t know you, and whor yu don’t know, being under the wealhe the first time in his life, through no fault of his own, feels sure that you wiil lend him, by return of post, i6s, to be repaid by four monthly instalhnents. There is also the man who wes born in the town where you once lived five years of your life, and that in the days of your childhood, who hes followed your career (a very mod- erately cistinguished one) with the highest pride, ever since those morning days, has often thought of writing to you by way of encouragement, and even of coming to take you by the hand just for the sake of days of Auld Lang Syne, but has been hindered by that spirit of difidence and excessive modesty which has all along been the drawback of your correspondent, who, now in a busi- ness difficulty, casts himself upon his fellow-townsman's ei@ and indicates that the aid desired should be £100. This, again, is to be a loan, and payable within twenty-one days exactly. There is still another man, who has got into debt through no fault whatever of his own, and whom an unfeeling creditor is treating in a very inconsid- erate manner, and who, when cast down in spirit, came across a tale written by yvou co charged with simplicity of thought and tenderness of heart that it seemed a guldance of providence. There, he said to himself, is the helper I need, and ready for the occasion. And the writer states respectfully but firmly the amount which is needed, and his con- viction that no true man who could write as you have done would refuse to* send the amount without delay. One of the most charming treasures of my limited experience I owed to a mis- take (rare, I should suppose) on the part of my correspondent. He was, he stated, and I am afraid the statement was correct, a minister of religion (but of what body, and '~ what place, al- though all that appeared in the letter, are locked in my breast), and Le asked on grounds of poverty for the gift of a book. It is not unusual for persons to write to an author for one of his books, R —— and the publicseemsto be under theim- pression that the author has a limited edition of, say, 500 volumes placed at his disposal for gratuitous circulation. This, I may say, is a mistake, and the public might be interested to know that when an author sends a book in re- sponse to a begging petition, whether from an individual or for a bazaar, he has to buy it at the bookseller's and pay exactly the same price as other peo- ple. This gentleman, however, had heard 80 much of my poor book, and had felt that it would do so much for him, that he was now doing what he had never done before in his life—ask- ing for a gift—and he concluded with these beautiful words: “Should you in- cline your ear and send me your book, it will be to me as bread to a starving Indian and as water to a thirsty Arab” —which pathetic appeal touched me very deeply. One thing puzzled me about the letter, and that was the ref- erence both to the book and myeelf, for the quality in the book which had so excited the hunger and. thirst of my correspondent was ite rare devotional character, and the quality in myself which had won his admiration was my spirit of mysticism. As the only book 1 could think of was supposed by cour- tesy to be fiction, and certainly was not devotional, T was a little puzzled, but my mind was wonderfully cleared next VARIETIES OF THE TABLE “We wlill dine in the new house to- night. Everything is ready, and this house will be closed to-day.” “Mr. Sage,” she sald a few days ago, “is not accustomed to our new quarters yet. He waits for me to go to the table with him, as If we were stopping at a hotel. He acts as though he were on a visit and were going home again. I am sure he will gradually become accus- tomed to the change, but it really was very hard for him, “The hall of this house is so arranged that there is no place large enough for our old hat stand. This really worries him very much. For fifty years he has been accustomed to coming home in the evening and hanging' his hat on the same peg. In the other house the hat stand was on the left of the door. The hat stand here {s on the right, but it is not the old stand and the old peg he misses so rarely. It rather upsets him from the very moment he enters the house on his return from business in Looki or the fr177 /fivgrfp.gg the evening “Yes, I have been asked many times what Is my opinion of the New York soclety worzan. Really, ¥ am not pre- pared to answer that question. She is s0 essentially the outgrowth of the enormous wealth which has sprung up in the United States during the last twenty-five years. The society woman of to-day i so entirely different from the society woman a score of years ago. “For instance, take the two Mrs. As- tors. The first Mrs. Astor never had a secretary, she wrote 23 her letiers Ler- self, even after she became b'ind, ard when urged to have some one to write them for her, she replied: “No; I will do it myself as long I can. I feel that I am more in touch with my correspondent.’ “This remark was in a certain sense a key to her character. She came into personal touch with the world around her. When she gave me $5000 for the bed she endowed in the ‘Woman's Hos- pital she counted into my hand five $1000 bills. She never used checks. Mr. Astor gave her the money, and she per- sonally paid it out. “The present Mrs. Astor is entirely different. You must reach her through her secretary. I'sne Senas you a dona- tion it comes to you by check. There is none of that graclous personal associa- tion there was with her predecessor. The present Mrs. Astor cannat be seen or disturbed during the morning hours; the first Mrs. Astor was an early riser and a very approachable woman. “The average soclety woman to-day will not rise at a seasonable hour in the morning. Her day really begins when the ordinary woman’s day s half lived through. Naturally the social demands of the hour on the soclety woman are a heavy drain upon her strength and vitality,but then everything is done te save her. Her children are brought up on sclentific principles in order to spare her all maternal cares and duties. From the moment of its birth the baby is placed in the hands of a trained nurse, and every detall of its upbringing is worked out on scientific lines. “A fflend of mine was telling me the other day an incident which appealed to me most pathetically. ‘Bables,” she gald, ‘are placed In bassinets as soon as they are born. They must be trained to sleep away from the mother, because they must become accustomed to doing without their natural nurse.” “The weather changed suddenly one night, when the baby she was telling me about was only three or four days old, and the nurse had told her in the most matter of fact way that she had gone to the bassinet and found the baby 50 cold she could only warm it by plac- ing hot water bags under the covers next to the little body. Think of it! In- stead of the warmth from the mother keeping the baby’s vitality in a normal condition, the little one had to be made comfortable by mean$ of hot water bags! Is not this an outrage on na- ture? 1 speak of this not from personal experience, for I never have been a mother. “Though I have never been blessed with a child of my own, the mother in- stinct is very strong within me, and it has been my happiness to have guided many young girls, who have told me they owed much to my care and affec- tion for them. I have been Miss Gould's second mother since the death of her own. “Indeed, before her mother’s death, Helen Gould had learned to depend up- on me in many ways. She is my daugh- ter in all but blood tles. She was the first one to welcome me to my new home. She had come down from Tarry- town and was waiting here to receive me the day I came here to live. “] remember the first time Helen Gould came to me, telling me of her great love for the Bible and her desire to study and know it better. It was the day of Garfleld’s funeral. We had re- turned from the services. They were impressive, and the circumstances of his death had rendered them even more so. She told me then as we sat alone of her great longing to know more of o 3 morning when I received another letter, also addressed, as regards the envelope, to myself as the former had been. In this letter the same writer explains the same circumstances, but now it is my “wholesome and touching” story of which he has heard, and it is the ser- vice I am “rendering to pure literature” which has charmed him: then I knew the former letter was not intended for me. It is still & book, however, that he asks, and he concludes that “if you in- cline your ear and send me your book it will be to me as bread to the starving Indian and as water to the thirsty Arab.” The peroration seemed to be permanent, and possibly the introduc- tion, but the middle part of the letter was varied according to the author whom he was approaching. And one wonders how much this gentleman se- cured in the course of a year. Should one have anything whatever to do with literature, then he will re- celve, although he be neither an editor nor a critic, a considerable number of letters between January and December, containing MSS. for his reading and Judgment. This correspondence is not without pathos, for occasionally, though not very often, the writer 18 anxious to earn a little money in time of distress, but it also has its perils. The latest specimen which I have added to my store is a letter from & man of whom I have heard, but whom I do not know, asking me to Introduce a man, of whom I have never heard, to a club, of which I am not a member, to do evetything I can to secure his elec- tion, and to let him know the result as soon as possible. The whole letter con- veys the idea that the request is g fa- vor conferred upon me, which will lay me under & deep sense of responsibility and eternal gratitude. The most disap- pointing letter I ever recelved—al- though my hopes had not reached the bolling point—was one without a signa- ture, informing me that the writer had been so touched by the sentiment of one of my stories, and was generally so much impressed by my remarkable 1it- erary ability that he had placed £1000 to my credit with a London bank as a token of gratitude. As I have never heard anything more of this generous gift, I am driven reluctantly to the sad conclusion that the letter was written in a =pirit of unworthy sarcasm, and that its author desired to convey the impreesions that he thought very mean- ly, both of myself and my work. He was entitled to his opinion, but it was cruel to trifie with the worldly hopes of a struggling literary man, and to lead him into the extravagance of a new top coat, when the old one would have done perfectly well for another winter. o b 5 HE first act of a new-born babe is that of crying. If it does mot ery it Is generally plunged into cold water, or in some other way made uncomfortable, that it may be made to cry. Those who have studied the physiology of the baby most close- ly assert that there are very good rea- gons for this method of treatment. 4 a young child cries it/is because it is not comfortable. It is for this sin that he Is so often shaken, smacked or rocked untll he is sick. If he was old enough he might be glad to please everybody and keep qulet and be good. We should not forget that no young child cries unless it has very good rea- #on for so doing. The action of meany parents tend to convince the thoughtful observer that many parents think there is no sense in a child's crying at any time, unless as a result of very considerable injury. Are they not wrong? Can every one not remember certain occa- sions in their own experience when a good cry has greatly relieved them? For some reason does it not seem to clear the oppressive moral atmosphere, just as a thunder-storm purifies the alr? If for this purpose it is at all necessary for the adult, it is certainly many times more important for the young child, who Is so emotional, so susceptible to every change. If the young child cries, it Is likely that, as before stated, he is too hot or too cold, or hungry, or uncomfortable in some other way. Why should any one object to the expression of his discomfort and displeasure? Is there any other way he could call for assistance? In place of being troubled to know how to quiet a child, would it not be more sensible to find the cause of discomfort? To a certain extent, what has been sald of the young child applies to the older child. It should also be remem- bered that children of certain tempera- ments cry much easler than do those of other temperaments. In some the tears seem to lie very near the sur- face. They are so emotional, or so ner- vous, that, without great effort, they are unable to control their feelings or repress their fear. Such should be dealt with gently. Generally they come by It so honestly that the same peculiarity can be remembered as hav- ing appeared in one of the parents. CRYING AND TEASING Twelfth Talk to Parents by Wm. J. Shearer. the Bible, of her love for the book, and begged me to start a Bible class and allow her to be a member ‘“Before | married Mr. S I always had a Bible class. A 1 was obliged to reiin arria n You know, it en a pet scheme with ph that of improving the condition of working giris, providing co rtable homes for them that shall be livabie in, and where they can obtain adequate re- turn for the small sum they able to pay for their board and lodging. I believe the present woman's hotel was conceived with this idea in mind. but how far awa e Martha Wash ton is from that ideal it is for me to say! “In speaking thus T am not disparag- ing the hotel, for I think it has proved to be the gre woman who is there. It has met a want, and I feel certain oth will follow “I am deeply in sympathy with tha guild which has been founded for purpose of training girls in domest sclence. When Mrs. Healy approach needies me on the subject I consented to become and vice president of the a: promised her my hearty co-opera “1 dare say everybody is tire hearing of the ‘servant question,’ 1s a vital one to-day and Is a great | sue in the preservation of the Ameri iation an home. There is fault on both sides, on the part of the mistress and on the part of the maid. In my opinion the employment agency has a great deal to answer for in the present condition. “T have been so busy moving and get- ting setttled in my new home that I have really had little leisure to give to the guild, but I hope to take an active part in the movement later. My idea has always been to place domestic ser- vice on a higher plane than that on which it stands to-day, and by so doing enable the average American girl to take up a lucrative employment with- out losing caste. “May I pay a tribute to a woman who has just passed away?—a woman whom 1 consider a type of an almost perfect woman, & woman for whose life and life work the world is better because she lived—Mrs. Booth-Tucker. My heart is heavy, Indeed, when the reali- zation comes to me that her voice Is hushed, her presence gone from among us forever. Not only to the sinful, the unhappy, the heavily burdened did the beauty of her personality and the purity of her character bring comfort, but those on whom the hand of God lles lightly, to whom the misery and degra- dation she h >d to alleviate are un- known, are better for the years she lived among us. “She was a wife and mother in the truest sense of the word. This summer, when I was detalned In the city by force of circumstances she was anxious about me and would come and see me, beg- ging that I go out Into the country away from the heat of the town and breathe God's free air. She had prom- ised herself the happiness of taking me to her little home in Mount Vernon, and but a few days before she started on the journey which ended in her death ghe came to me and made me promise to make the long deferred visit immedi- ately upon her return. She wanted me to see her baby, her elder children and to know her in her home life. “The idea of money In connection with that ideal woman is most repusg- nant to me. Of course, we have all heard what !s sald about the general, but we know that to do the work the army does there must be money. How else could it be carried on? But that there was a mercenary thought in Mrs. Booth-Tucker's mind I will never be- teve. I am very much in sympathy with the Salvation Army work and was deeply touched when 1 was asked to speak her eulogy at that Sunday memo- rial service. “And now you must excuse me. Itls 1 o’clock and Mr. Sage always comes home to luncheon on Saturday. I am ever ready for him and my time to-day from now on Is entirely his.” And her face lighted up as Mr. Sage's voice was heard In the lower hall. | By kindness they may be trained to have much more control over thelr emotions. However, it is hard to en- tirely overcome this natural tendency, as these children so frequently feel in- tensely. Some children, both young and older, ery simiply for the purpose of carrying thelr point. Such require entirely dif- ferent treatment from that already mentioned. 1f a -child cries without sufficient provocation, it is likely the fault of the improper training he has received. It is entirely unnatural for & child to yell and squeal as some chil- dren do. In some cases they have not been treated as they should have been, or they would probably respond In milder tones. The child who cries per- sistently and loudly, though not suffer- ing pain, does so because his past ex- périence leads him to belleve that he will be successful in securing what he wishes. If such a child should pass under the control of one to whom such methods do not appeal, he would cure himself of his fault very quickly. The parent who wishes to stop a child’s crying should first make sure that the child is not suffering some mental or physical pain. In too many cases, the mental suffering of a child is far greater than parents think. Hav- ing removed the cause of the pain, crying should cease. If, after having used all gentle means which can be commended, the crying does not cease, it may be necessary to convince the child who cries for nothing that it is really unpleasant to have something to cry for. Nothing but corporal pun- ishment will appeal to some children, at such a time. When the child finds that some punishment is certain every time he cries without having some guod ,reason for crying, a wonderful transformation will be worked In nine out of ten such children. The child who persists in crying for something very much desired may be cured very easily of such a habit. If the child is made to understand that the parent cannot and will not give anything for which it cries, it will be found that the child will cease crying for what it wishes and ask for it as it should. Most children tease, more or less. Yet there are some children who do not tease. Why Is it that some tease their parents, while others do not? Ob- serve closely and you will notice that, ‘when the parent, asked for some favor, hesitates momentarily and seems In doubt as to what to do, the child is apt to repeat the request. If past ex- perience has shown that frequent re- quests will generally cause a more fa- vorable answer, the repeated request will-be sure to come. Such a parent may expect to be teased for anything & child wants. The parent who, In & kind but firm tone, promptly either grants or refuses the request, is not likely to be teased. If, upon refusal, the request is re- peated, and such a parent denles with no less kindness, but with somewhat of firmness, he is not apt to be bothered by having the request repeated fre- quently. Indeed, it may be sald that the parent who meets the request in this manner, at all times, will never be troubled by being teased. All must acknowledge, then, that a child teases because it has discovered that a par- ent's decision is not final. The child has discovered that, by persisting, he can get the parent to grant the request, it for no other reason than to get rid of him. From what has been said, it will be seen that parents train children to tease by not having them understand that they mean what they say. The injunction for parents on this subject is, “Let not your aye mean no, nor your no mean aye.” If children could be questioned and led to tell what they really think about this matter, many would testify that they fully expect to have to tease for what they are determined to have. They learn to cal- culate the time most favorable and the energy which will be needed to car- ry their points. ‘Who ever heard of & child's teasing at the table for a glass of water, or for a plece of bread, or for anything else that was not out of the ordinary? He expects to tease only for that which he very well knows it may not be best for him to have. It is the second plece of pie, another knife, or sled, or for permission to sit up later than usual, or to remain home from school, for some insufficient reason. Many parents yield to teasing be- cause they are tired out by the ever- ldsting nagging, which is certainly un- pleasant and racks the nerves. “Think twice before speaking” may be a good rule for children. Might not the injunction to “think several times before refusing or granting a child's re- quest” be just as good for parents?