The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, April 26, 1903, Page 6

THE SUNDAY CALL. 7310 YOoOnveG: wWo. TFRANIC Y AN A’ A WIFE~ REYV- A - BAAFER O young woman need feel ashamed of nor apologize for her anticipations of marriage at some time or other in her life. Holy wed- lock is one of the f e w institutions which contributed to the bliss of Eden and mankind have us and ha as they d this preclous gift of hea- mony 1=, as we often say in riage ceremony, “an honorable the time of us the that exists beiween Chris and not b into unadvisedl and in the marriage 1o dition mankind on to be endurcd “Marriage in general; pre the marriage state g be sald of wom on to marriage? N ever think of ma who looks up it as Seidon, e is a desperate thing; the Aesop were extremely wise; they nind to some water, but th o the well, because they t get out again.” Young people know thelr choice is for life, and be the source of constant happl- therefore is be entered intende appy « of e affil moralist says state for man s a worse man in ma as he is unfit fo the same eral in rela ap ir ¢ss or miser. The reciprocal attraction of a man gling out each other from of God's meth for our ness and the good of so- but perhaps no mistake is mors mmon than an {ll-assorted marriagc. eat reason for this mistake is an ement made In a precipitate before the contracting parties are ed with one another, except su- Another prolific source ion and m in the marria rrying from wrong ding all the failures of 1a and man- f di motive ling water ed writer to young women assures there is a wholesome changze ars as to the chief end of young women from that which is found in the earlier fiction, whose heroine was a per- son expecting to be wooed, and whose mother was & person anxious until her daugh suitor is announced. Match- making was conceded as a thing usual and it was the acknowledged duty of every family to forward by every worthy means the settlement of the daughter in life. A ung woman was env.able as she had sultors and her chief end was marriage. But in this day of larger lb- erty and more extended and liberal edu- cation young women become self-sup- porting and more Independent and need not marry for a support or for a home. There is danger of young women going too far the other way and of marriage dropping into the background, yet with all the independence of the fairer sex they marry and are given in marriage. There are but few that would not.marry if they could according to their ideals. “It was amusing,’ says the Congrega- tionalist, *“to hear at a meeting cof the Young Womeu's Christian Association the well-known hymn, which in spite of fen heed thee, love thee, praise led up to the promisg, ‘Soon u hear the bridegroom’s vajce.’ " ater prudence at the marriage Ulres is necessary would we lessen the number of unhappy marriages and check terrible 1l of divorce. Marriage be robbed of its romantic aspect thought over. It should embered that the utterance of ihat irrevocable marriage vow is the most weighty act of life, as it forges a which no hand but death’s can break. While marriage is intended to be the crowning blessing of life, it is often a iving death. Its very intimacy makes it all the more galling and difficult to en- dure when two persons are ill-mated and woman is the greater sufferer of the two. e Carey said: “I prefer my own life hat of the mass of married peoble t I fee; it 18 a dreary, material life t they seem to live; no inspiration of deep love in jt. And vet I believe that true marriage holds the highest, purest possibilities of human happiness.” When we corsider the motives which in- fluence many marriages we need not won- der why there are so much unhappiness and mis in wedded life, ending so often in startling tragedies. In the mar- riage relation there can be no substitute for affection, which is the only bond of d unity of lives. spurn Hymen's gentle powers, , who improve his golden hours, hold the should and understood, od rightly tender and the g c below. rere’s beggary in the love can be reckoned.” When mercenary motives actuate and control then a wom- an becomes a human chattel. The only difference between the slave girl who is sold from an auction block to the highe est bidder and the young woman wlo marries a man because of his wealth or ial position is that the former has no choice in the matter, while the latter her owner. That is rather a : putting of the case, and may be offensive to some, but when weighed by the primitive idea of marriage—unity of life and feeling—the scriptural idea being the union of one man with one woman and that union based upon affection—wo need not be shocked by the statement. What does it matter, however advantage. ous the offer of marriage, howsver ex- emplary the man's character, however abundant his worldly goods; if a young woman does not love him, that In’ itseif f« sufficlent reason for refusing his pro- posal. Margaret E. Sangster in her “Win- some Womanhood'” says: “No mercenary aim, no thought of convenience, no sordfl motive should ever mix with true love. out the heart; whosoever for the sake of honor and lands and equipage and posi- tion, and rot for love only, puts her hand Into the hand of a man, is thence- ferward no wife, but something other. That certain legal forms are complied with may seal the lips of open criticism; but facts are facts in spite of it all.” The sentiment of soclety is such that “Motherhood Is | a Partnership With God in Fashioning Immortal i Souls.” ! 3 | s e el 3 ' Unless a girl is sure that she is wooed for licrself alone, unless she s sure that she wholly respects as well as confides in the man who seeks her, he is not her prince- not entitled to the complete surrcnder which a woman makes when she bestows hierself for life on the man who beconies her hushand.” Another populir wiiter says: ‘"Whosoever through the solemn rites of matrimony gives the person wiih- “love in the cottage” is considered tuo tame; it is the subject of ridicule hy meny who think it wanting in romance. \ith many parents their daughter Is not constdered favorably married unless she makes an alllance with wealth and so- eial position. Is it not true that the san- timent of mbdern soclety is such that wealth and social position are necessary to make the union a *“good match”? 1Is it not also true that many & beautiful and accomplished daughter has virtually been sacrificed at the marriage altar? Some young women would disdain the offer of what they consider an ordinary young man—that is, a young man of plain appearance and manner, of humble means and family, but of unimpeachable char- acter. At the same time they would not hesitate to accept the offer of a rich and fashionable young man, who is more arti- ficial than real flesh and blood and who Is lacking in the, sterling qualities of a true man. A girl is reported to have said, “I'll marry any man with plenty of money, if he is so ugly I have to scream every time I look at him.” There was a time in Boston when the first question asked concerning a man was “What does he know?" in New York, “What 1s he worth?’ in Philadelphia, ““Who is he?” Now the one great question is, “Has he got the cash?’ Intelligence and family are put in the shade by the question of money. How unholy the most holy of all institutions is made by this mercenary spirit. Of all times when char- acter should figure it is at the marriage altar. A man should be measured by character and not money. The rank is but the guinea stamp; The man's the gowd for a' that. And yet in many fashionable circles no engagement i3 satisfactory unless the young man 18 rich. The question of char- acter and intelligence, of adaptation of nature and unity of feeling, cuf no figure if one or the other of the contracting par- ties does not have the ‘cash.” Mrs, Sungster says: “If a woman love a man y le she cares for state and fied to share his i to make the best of what he earns and to walk with him i the narrow road of his earthly fortune.’ Themistocles, the wise and famous Athe- nian general, when a friend came to him for advice, saying his daughter had two suitors, one of whom was rich but a fool, the other was wise and good but poor, gave this answer: “I would rat have my daughter marry a man without money than to marry money without a man.” Young women sometimes so forget themselves when a young man who is not their equal is their suitor that they say, know he is not my equal. but T think I can learn to love him.” Money covers a multitude of sins with many young men and women, but neither money nor social position can offset incompatibility of tem- perament and the domestic Infelicities which spring from it. To marry a man expecting to “learn to love” him after marriage 18 a fool's reasoning. There 1s one unpleasant contingency such persons overlook—they forget that when love first awakens after marriage in a wife's heart its object may happen to be some other fellow, and not her husband. No thoughtful woman will marry simply to escape what was once considered the bane of being an “old maid.” No oppro- brium attaches to the young woman who chooses to remain single in this day. Louisca M. Alcott says: ‘Waitin’ is al- ways safe, and time needn’t be wasted in frettin’ or bewailin’, for the Lord knows there’s a sight of good works waltin’ to be done, and single women has the best chance at ‘em.” Why should any young woman who is blessed with good health, a good educa- tion and resources in herself, home, opportunities for useful away her liberty just for the sake joining herself to a man whom she calls “husband™? Vo young woman with her senses about her will marry simply to increase spectabillty, to please her friends or spite her relatives. It is interesting to know what frivolous reason some women have for marrying. 1 have heard of a widow who was Inconsolable over the loss of her husband and who married another to keep herself from fretting herself to death No sensible young woman will ever marry an empiy headed fop, nor will she ever dream of marrying a “fast young man.” If she cannot marry her superior she will certainly not marry her infe- tior. There are some natures that all the laws in Christendom cannot make one There is a whole world of antagonism for which they are not responsible and wh h they cannot hope to overcome in thelr birth and training. A voung should know the man she marries: should not fancy she knows him, think she knows him, hope she knows him. but know that she knows him as he really is. No pure girl should ever think of mar- rying an impure man. Some young wom- en do marry intemperate and dissipated men under the delusion of reforming them; but all such attempts risk of their own higher b a young man will not reform before his marriage the chances are against his re- forming after marriage. Motherhood is a partnership with God in fashioning im- mortal souls—a partnership which requires strength, purity, self-control, love and wisdom. Happiness is not the highest aim in wedlock. To be useful is more noble than to be nappy. The question is, Shall they help each other to a larger life and in- creased usefulness? In the wise man’s portrait of a good wife, in his pralse of her good qualities, he says, “She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. o young woman should marry until her prince comes—not a titled prince, but a real prince In character who fllls her ideals, is of congenial disposition, simi- lar soclal condition and of agreeable qual- fties. When there is some reciprocity in sentiment and opinion, kindred tastes and feelings, there will be a friendship that will grow with vears. Marrlage is ply the most intimate friendship possibie on earth. Many find to their sorrow that “falling in love™ is quite a different thing from staying in love; but if the basis of their marital union is true friendship it has in it the element of perpetuity, which deepens and grows stronger with every passing vear. In its highest expression— that of religious faith—two young peopls should be of the same mind. No bond so unites two souls as that of a common faith in‘and love to God. Only such a friendship or companionship can draw out a.pure woman’s deepest, richest na- ture, and possess the qualities of endur- ance. her re- woman + ~ A PIEA FOR MORE FLAYGROINDZ B DTS - O - K VLZE - HE study of children has be- come a fad of the day, but it is a most hope- ful one. It has led to the be- lief that devel- opment, to be heaithy, must be along the lines that na- ture has laid down; and that, though it may be assisted, it should never be forced. Refcriners now bend their efforts to remove the stones from the path that iit- tie feet must travel in their journey to manhood and womanhood, thus saving many & fall and bruise, and they pull up the poiscnous plants from the meadows, zlong the way, that the Iittle ones may safely turn aside to pluck the flowers. One of the good works that has resulted from this attitude toward children is the establishment of public playgrounds. This idea, has been hailed by most every one, v those who see in it only the ad- vantage of a spot remote where the sur- plus nervous energy of children can be vented without disturbing their elders. That the playground does draw children from the evil assoclations of the streets would alone prove Its worth; buc it does more than this; it is a positive educa- tional factor. Play bullds character even more than it builds muscle. Emotion, imagination and will enter into children's games, 2ffecting them mentally and mor- as well as physica Piay, being wholly greatest developer of character. This may seem a strong stalement, but consider it a moment. t it is nature’s method of preparing the yvoung for the stress of lifo we can see by watching the play of ani- mals. The kitten's light, quick motions and her stealthy spring on any moving object are fitting her to capture her prey later on. A puppy's rough and tumbls plays, his sham battles, are strengthening his muscles for the future fights of uis doghood. The plays of girls and of boys are equal- voluntary, is the o Iy as characteristic as are those of differ- ent animals and they are even more dis- similar. Girls “love to play house” and “mother’” and *“lad. Through the power of imagination they endure ail the anxie- tles of the housewife, experience the ten- der maternal solicltude of the parent and enjoy the formal grace of social Inter- course. These piavs, though imitative, are also Instructive and develop the emotions of woman. This is as it should be, bhut giris need to be encouraged in active sports, which will develop thelr bodles. As this is now being done future genera- tions may hope for less emotional women. Boys' vigorous sports, such as wrest- ling. boxing and ball playing, develop quickness, accuiacy and skill and train the muscles to endurance and lo quick and exact obedience, making them well disciplined soldiers of their captain the brain. These plays draw out the diffident child, making him less of a dreamer, more of a doer. 'They restraln the aggressive, teaching him forbearance and respect for others, and they destroy iil-founded con- ceit. A boy’'s faults are quickly told h.m by 'his' companions, without any mincing of werds. With boys. it is the emotional side of their nature that needs cultivating. They should have the care of some pet animal and mosi boys will prefer a dog. Boys and girls should occasionally play together, und the supervision of some grown person, that the boys may learn gentleness and courtesy, 2 Children should not be fsolated nor re- stricted to one or two companions. Tt is association with many that forms a well- rounded.individual character. In our pub- lic schools a boy gets his rough edges ground down. He learns to know boys and growing up in this intimate associa- tion with them he acquires that which is essential to his success in life—a knowl- edge of men. But little knowledge of human nature or of self-control does he acquire in the schoolroom; this he gains on the playground. Tn school, if he is the aver- age lively boy, he is ruled by the fear of one stronger than himself; on the play- ground he is influenced by the opinions of his equals. Here he learns to lead, as well as to obey. The kindergarten is constructed upom the play instinct, and it would be well if this same plan were carried on through the primary grades of school work. But give the children playgrounds and they will do much for themselves. In gome of the small inclosurés, called school grounds, the childrerf are packed together as closely as cattle in a stock pen. Give a boy a place to run in without having to elbow his way. It is very gratifying to learn that there is a movement on foot to enlarge school grounds, and give the children room for active exercise. ¥ But they need more than this. After school hours boys will congregate, for they are social animals; and if there be no proper channel in which their high epirits may find vent, these healthy streams of life will overflow their banks and do much mischief. Large cities should have publis play- grounds and these should be as near the crowded districts as possible. But just s~ ~ME-OW2? OF A KITP¥Y~ B> HATE ZEIZONV AMAICFS O express one's opinion is more often egotism than wisdom. » 0L Theorles are ex- cellent provided you do ot try to reduce them to praoctice. . s e Banctity is often but full Pedigree is the mortgage that pride puts on mediocrity. o e, Never try to educate people up to your own standard. Let some other fellow have that contract. B b Scientists tell us that kissing is a dan- gerous channel for microbes, but who cares anything about either channels or microbes, or any other old thing? Kiss- ing will keep on doing business at the same old stand. . s e A fool requires more watching than a knave. widy . When a man slaps you on the back and calls you his best friend give a sly wink in the direction of your bank ac- count. R e Invalidism is often the ticket of leave for laziness, . s . A woman's hysterics {s no respecter of time or place. 3 A e A practical joke is often but another name for a cowardiv insult. . s . Marrying to please everybody seldom pleases anybody. . s e When a man kisses the woman whom he loves for the first time he thinks he has had a foretaste of heaven. What a pity the sensation cannot be preserved in alcohol! e e . If people grew wise as they grow old old folks would not have such a corner on the fool market. . . . The best thing that one can sometimes say is nothing. . s . To hunt for pleasure is often the hard- est kind of work. « o e Living on hope is a sorry apology to a lonesome stomach. « e e The man who has no enemies seldom amounts to much, . . . . Flattery is Uke perfume. A little is very sweet; too much is nauseating. * e e A pithy aphorism often contains more religion than a long-winded sermon. e e e Jealousy 1s the most aggravated torture. It works so hard to-find out exactly what it don’t want to know. 3 . . . It takes a level head to stand prosperity. R People who have climbed life’'s ladder are prone to forget the lower rungs. . o e People rarely repent unless they are fcund out. o« o e Good fortune never woos, but shyly waits to be wooed. « s e A secret i3 an awful heavy load to stag- ger under. e s . Excessive politeness is little removed from absoluts rudeness. . o s Hard work keeps more peopls out of rischief than all the labors of the mis- slonary class. « o e ‘When you tell your secrets you give your friends a mortgage on your peace of mind. * s e Love has little appetits save for love itself. o o e I would rather have one strike me with a club than with a soft kid glove. $. e . Fame is an accident that may prove lucky or unlucky. « o o Hearts and diamonds are a woman's long sult in life’s game. T 1 should think that even the devil would ‘writhe when he had to welcome a hypo- crite. P Never expect a man to make love when he is tired. A « o . Unwelcome advice is the grave digger of friendship. Marrying for money is like being caught here is a difMculty. It is often almost im- possible to secure the grounds whers they are most needed. Vacant lots in such places are very few and very valuable. It would perhaps be expecting too much to request that a few rookeries be torn down to make space. But the park or pubile square in the tenement districts is usually 80 Infested with dissolute characters that respectable people take special pains to avold passing through it. The city better by far turn such a park over to its young citizens to use for a playground than to keep it as a loafing place for tramps. The mers presence of an officer on the ground will usually insure peace, but any child who is persistently quarrelsome, vulgar or profane should be excluded. Some one has said that if he could write the songs of a nation he would ask no greater influences; but we, to reach the same results, would choose to supervise the plays of children. If we can save our children from wrong the next generation will have no malefactors to reform; and we may look for the millennium to ap- proach in arithmetical progression. in & rafiroad wreck. You may come out all right, but the chances are against you. Ce Prosperity 1s often full of disease germs. Boftening of the brain, enlargement of the head, contraction of the heart, to say nothing of the poor, overworked liver. « s e Hope is the most audacious deceiver, though often the only friend of the friendleys. L Hypocrisy always bows too low. - - - * Bhouting religion seems about as suc- cessful a “get-rich-quic! other big bluff. * scheme as any There is & discussion going on in the papers as to which makes the best hus- ?and—panlum or Puritan. But, girls, don’t let that worry you. The waods are full of good old-fashioned sinners and there will never be anything like an over- SUpply of either penitents or Puritans.