The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, April 19, 1903, Page 6

RN ol A g R NN mance—the gen- where Jack and Jtl go hand in hand up the hill e, and Jill h loving im- e of the mean- e sympathy presses pity says to your ps between the devil and of a pure gir evening after aved many a young man n 1t has been entered into wisel the statement riy all the debauchery and. crime unmarried men who have wives equal to them; but 1 am con riage bond and family ties, when pure fident that the leading & virtuous, hapy -~ < ME-OW7 OF A KITPY~ full-grown peo- ple to take one to the olrcus. The mantle of T even a rag for the poor, miserable sinrer. A woman who thinks she was beautiful finds comfort matter how old and d she may become. A dead love can never be revived. . . A woman is most beautiful when she iy The woman < L 277/ 7 A {zg/;’("’/flf,;;g/, - e 7 Z AENNC Y, ST S 2 2 . N Vi s N il o N W7 ) T _‘_‘ .... 2an Y, 7) ~ T COOFALNVG OFF WIZVE7 ~ B MES BELIZABEITIZ DUER clusion is forced upon us that their fudgment 1s poor. It is not too much to affirm that thers are more good, intelligent, desirable wo- men in the world to-day than ever Le- fore, and yet things matrimonial ace growing steadily worse. The reason is not far to seek; marriage is the one poiut in which men show no common senis. They demand the latest twentieth century product of prettiness, something So per- fect that it prociaims an abnormally de- veloped interest in self, and then from this lovely mondaine they expect the do- mestic characteristics of her great- grandmother. In other words men have revolutionized their tastes and not their standards, ard the @ pancy brings many a household to grief. Undoubtedly our young people are un-. and the idea of hearing what nt for conscience’s sake or for the sake of personal dignity is repudi- ated with scorn. This impatience, com- b d with a craze for amusements and a contempt for all authority, may justly be considered as a factor in the divorce sults that are disgra ; but besides there is reason just i—~the betwern tastes a men's more far r lies in The trouble the masculine ab- stract cor of the feminine acter, and—here is the point—the failu of the modern woman to conform to this Not a willful failure, be it un- but one necessitated by the In- qualities of the kind of womun standard. ring vices of life have not tk to draw awhy the marrie ed all the be true the e is indeed nursery of rhest expres- the present crimi then the fewer that nearly If thi L ge an relations that )n of the world makes possible. e divine law that men and women who are capat should rry. The mar- ge state makes s: urer friena- nd all the s the bur- and delightful. This g recognized by busi- ufacturer in one of our reased the wages of his ngth < and car: truth which asy love i employes, thus putting a pre- mium upon marriage. He contended that o has a home and a wife more com- one who rding-houses, and has r he does weil or flL. family dependent upon also more hopeful and se he stronger best. ¢ fllustrate at principle in this te fly In the air you t tie it down with a string. It Is so the man who is ticd down by a half- blooming responsibi s and their higher and bachelor, who, him steady, is mud. To an must tie he will r flight nothing t ring in t¥ world the young n ymebody ge re an’s individual hapr is the soul's nd the bond are th and ma than the lation is =o funda- of s0 many un why do so man institution as plent sttery.” and who » is one expression that or for worse” gainst this sometimes u might as 1 ask to sopher’s stone or the elixir 1 youth or the Utopia of per- ¢ to secure happiness to Are we to Infer from all Creator made a mistake when he said, t is not good that man ghould be alone; 1 will make an help- meet for him”? We must look for the cause of all this domestic pandemonium— not fn the marrlage Institution as given us by God, but in man’s abuse of it. There is too little prudence and {intelli- gence used in the selecting of life com- panions. Many looking at marriage as a “lottery” conclude that no one knows be- fore he draws whether he will draw a blank or a prize; If he draw a blank or a !ifelong misery he can throw away his ticket and draw again. If a man be- lieves that, then all he has to do Is to close his eyes and draw. But s It possi- ble that God has bound man to such a baneful condition of things by the laws of his present being? Marriage is only a lottery to him who makes it so; it is not riece: a lottery either in the initial fieve “n ccordi niarried life. this that the ¢1d not marry, th should be sought? one possessed of an Interlor constitution of =oul similar to our own, of similar age, of one man and one based on affection, unity of feeling, one- ness in spirit. it differs from the real condition of the marrtage state. men seem to find most attractive. ‘What the average man expects of his wife could only be accomplished by a more than average intelligence, and yet this is the qualification that has least bearing on falling in love. The idealiza- tion of the gentler sex Is inculcated in our men from Infancy. Fostered by a type of mother now fast disappearing and stimulated by every tale of chivalty and romance which rouses tpe Imagira- tion, Is it any wonder that they ciing to the fllusion of the fireside angei? There s much of the boy In all men worth the name. They may be wise and far sighted in thelr schemes and cool headed in their mode of carrying them out, but in their estimate of women they are as simple as children. If you could get at the ideal womun of most men's imagination, the woman who when found is to be placed In their hearts’ throne, you might discover na excuse for the shortcomings of modern wives. The requirements are, to say the least, complex. She must be loving and sympathete, and all that his mother was to him and more besides. ‘What he calls his faults must seem to her rather attractive ldiosyncrasies, inas. much as they pertain to the man with whom she fell in love, while his virtues dazzle her admiring eyes. She must know by intuition the value of money and the Intricacies of housekeep- ing, but the less natural Intelligence slie brings to bear upon these questions tne more attractive she seems to the lover. She must be pretty, but not vain; full of tnnocent coquetries, to give a Ailip (o ars. A ment to t se who marricd too lat d those who failed to marry properly. e last requiremen® was certainly a good one and would ald in preventing yproper marriages. 1f men were made law to feel the grave responsibllity of woly institution they wouldn't draw law cted out pu in a lottery, but open their eyes ane with Intelligence and conscience choose a life co anfon. Life 1s real, and char- and love is real; and men these as they are and not as they seem to be. Marriage should de a study, and courtship is de- signed for that purpose. 1Is not the os- tensible object of courtship the cholce of 2 companion? What kind of a companion 1d know an easily satiated temperament, but pure as Caesar's wife. Her religious views must be orthodox, because her husband, while describiug himself (to himself) as respecting rellg- ton, is not often active in its support, and desires his children to be brought up un- der its restraining influences. Lastly, should disenchantment come, it must come to him alone, and the true wife will remain as serene under neglect as she was in the time of her supremacy. For this her reward may be the reclama- tlon of her husband—always providing she is patient and tender enough to make him feel that home !s the best place to die in. Alas! few Griseldas survive, and if they did they would not attract the young men of to-day. Our sons expect the flowers to nourish them and find the process of on hard to bear. en’s Ideals were more logical thetr Ilment would be simplified. There are of women of common sense znd ed intelligence, fitted to make goud wives and mothers, and many of them beautiful i the truest sense, but v rarely exist ameng the spoiled Jdar- lings that are to be found in all ranks of life. They are usually the product of gome bitter but beneficent discipline; for discipline Is apt to develop attractions other than those on the surface. It s not “maidens” who “like moths are ever caught by glare,” it |s the men, and 1t 1s confined to nu especial walk in life; the workingman as well as the g2n- tieman !ikes to be the dupe of his own far They marry silly women because s bufl,” only that both p: The young folks volus- bitnd lind ma ties are blinded tarily biind themselves and each other, and thus *“go it blind" till their eyes are opened In marriage. “They caurted by impulse, and not by judgment; it was a process of wooing, and not of ¥: it was an effort to please, and arch for companionship: it was e with excitement, and not with calmness and deliteration; it was done in buste, and not with cautious prudence; it was a vision of the heart, and not a solemn reality; it was conducted by feel- ir and not by reason; It was so man- aged as to be a perpetual blandishment ot pleasure, the most intoxicating and de- lightful, and not a trying crdeal for the discove not “It Is Only When Kindred Spirits Are United in Holy Wedlock That Marriage Is a Blessing.” “A congenial spirit— cpinions, tastes, habits, modes of thought, and feeling. Marriage Is not necessarily a blessing. It 1s only when kindred spirits are united in holy wedlock that marriage Is a bless- ing. When a human pair are {lly mated, marriage is the bitterest curse, a living misery and an undying death. A unity cf life and feeling should precede mar- This s the primitive idea of mar- The scriptural idea is the union woman—a union riage. riage. This 1= the ideal, but how Courtship, as It 13 gen- enduring realities of eolid and stubborn life."” Is it any wonder that the most ruinous and deplorable wickedness and misery results from such a game of hy- peerisy? No young man is fit for the husband of a pure woman who has not a true regard for womanhood. Many young men unfit themselves for noble and sincere love, by an immoral life and evil associations. They outrage the most holy and exalted feelings of the human soul, and the most sacred and important relation of life, by trifiing with the love of a woman. Flirt- ing is characterized as a vulgarism and wickedness to be compared only to blas- phemy; its origin being In the basest lust and fts tendency being awfully demoral- izing. Some young men <o trifle with this they are pretty, or because they wear lace furbelows, or because they have coolng ways, and then they are amazed when the short-lived happlness comes to grief. They shrink with distaste from what they call the *“new woman,” and yet, If they would only believe it, herein lies the salvation of the race. By the “new woman” 1 do not mean a masculine, assertive creature who nas cast off her prerogative of being charm- irg, nor yet a spectacied prig, ready to challenge opinion almost before it is ex- pressed. 1 mean the woman who stands for truth and simplicity, who, wearfed by the superficial, demands the real In edu- cation and iife. She is no longer a child, with a veneer of reflected opinions and inherited prejudices. She Is a reasoning and reasonable being, with direct alms and the common sense to apply her abill- ties to whatever falls within her prov- ince. Granted that the ploneers in the educa tional movement were a trifie self-con- scious in regard to their success, that phase has already passed, and the younger generations accept their ex- tended privileges as a matter of course. No expansion can take place without a readjustment of values, and it is through one of these periods of sudden inflation and feverish excitement that the female market has just passed. To its glory be it spoken. there has been no collapse, only a quiet settling down to a sane prosperity. Surely women have justitied thelr request for recognition. After all, they ask very little—only to keep pace with the men they love and to sacred gift of love that they lose the power to really bestow a manly affeetion upon a noble woman. An insult or sin A any woman s against woman- hood. There is no meaner nor blacker devil than the man who injures or wiongs the holiest feelings of a pure young woman; the man who blasts the hopes and destroys the confidence which kis love inspired. Wce to that man! No sin, it 1s said, will more surely eat-into the very citadel of happiness. Young men should bring to this holy institution a clean heart, a pure mind and a healthy body. Young men shouid regard every woman as they would wish another man to re- gard thelr innocent, confiding sister. Not all marriages are made in heaven; many of them are made very much on earth.and without the sanction of heaven. There is no time when & young man should go so slow, kecep so ciéar a head and cool a judgment as when he is choosing a life companion. A man can afford not to be in a hurry, providing he does not put it off too long. I have read of a prudent wooer, a farmer, who entered a telegraph office In central New York, and sent this message to a woman In Canada: *“Will you be my wife? Please answer at once by telegraph.” Then he sat down and waited. No answer came. He waited till late In the evening; still no answer. Early the next morning he came in again and was handed a dispatch—an affirmative The operator expressed his sym- “*FTwas a little rough to keep you 80 long In suspense.” “Look here, young fellow,” sald the farmer, “I'll stand all the suspense. A woman that'll hold back her answer to a proposal of marriage all day so as to send it by night rates is just the economical woman that I've been waiting for.” A young man can afford to walt forever if he does not find the really congenial companfon; but I don't think a capabie and worthy young man need wait that long. There will certainly be some congenial spirit with whom he will be a favored one. Willlam P. Breed tells us of the delicate way the Phlladel- phia Quaker had of “popping the ques- tion.” Jonathan sald: “Eliza, dost thou love me?’ “Why, of course. Are we not commanded to love everybody?” “No, but dost thou regard me with that peculiar affection the world loves?' Well, my heart is an erring one: 1 have tried to do my duty by everybody, but I have long thought thee was getting more than thy share.” Robert Southey says: “T know of noth- ing which’a good and sensible man Is so certain to find, If he looks for it, as a good wife.” It is not as hard to find suitable wives for young men as it is to find worthy young men as suitable husbands for young women. If young women, as a rule, were as strict as are young men, when it comes to the selection of a life companion many young men would be found wanting. When it comes to such a choice ‘young men seem to think they pos- sess all the virtue: But It is becoming more difficuit to win the neart and hand of a true young woran. It is said of the old piigrim fathers t they had an wn- couth way of “popping the question.” Jerem!ah mounted his horse, rode a few miles, knocked at the cottage door and, when the girl answered (ue knock, ha sald, “Susannah, the Lord hath sent me to marry thee.” “The Lord's will be done,” sald the damsel, and there was the end of it. With the !deal young woman of to- day, there must be some good assurance B> HATZE ZEIZIONV NMARI2 rever loved lacks the divine inspiration in her face that is the spirit of love. $ 8. she who 18 the man The happlest woman is pralsed andv appreclated by whom she loves. éraws a blank In life’s game of chance. e People who marry with a hot-air send- off sometimes awaken to find themselves in a mighty cold draught. .o ee Candor is the safety valve of ill-breed- - Yo Yo' J Love is the incubator that hatches out the best or worst that it nourishes. S R When a husband boasts of his respect for kis wife you can gambie on 1t that his leve has been so beautifuly frapped that only the icefice of respect is left. o e An otherwise sensible man might have & hundred eyes and still not be able to see that a silly little woman was making & fool of bhim. s n %o Tre mysterious woman always irter- 7 e X N When this fails her she * esting, but, ke a pyrotechnic display, you never know what is coming. A dis- tance may be safety DR How can a woman keep her secrets when her eyes are telltales? e An egotist enjoys a continuous balloon ascension. P Platonic love is like dynamite, requires experience to handle it safely. i Conscience 1s the padlock that we try to put on inclination. A Bome people who marry for money find that they have been looking through the wrong end of the telescope. DR Matrimony is often a counter (irritant for love. A good fellow is the fellow who has more dollars than sense. S B If a man becomes famous before he @les, he often feels the chill of experience before his funeral ’\, N\ S - AN o 77 N @ < Hard work leaves little time for one to rail against Fate. ¢ e de People who think they know enough to give advide to others do not know enough to mind their own business. SR e When a man has exhausted all of life's pleasures and follles he launches out on a glgantic morality wave and thinks he is as pure as its white-crested foam. & okl A man who has not spoken & decent word to his wife for a month will hob- nob around her like a circus clown if his best friend calls her “strikingly hand- scme.” « .. ‘We all take a fancy shy at Happinass, but just as we think we have lassoed her she gives a saucy wink and is further off than ever. “ . Respect is the feather-weight champion of Love. g When & man borrows money of ycu kisg it *‘good-by” and_ prepare for the > R ‘worst, for the worst is about all youl ever get. . TR Beauty may be only skin deep, but it makes an awful deep impression. P e If & woman's heart could be bared with all its scars and brutses what a sickening sight It would be. - e . A few opaque jokes will reduce the most hilarious crowd to funereal propriety. D - It does precious little good to kill a ser- pent after it has bitten you. « . The summer girl will soon be ready to don her bathing suit, and the man in the high fever shirt will stand on the beach and think he is havirg lots of fun. CLBTIR Think of the courage of the polygamist who has more than one wife, when the most of men are overburdened with one. O e Never trust either the man or woman who does not laugh naturally. Laughter 1s the music of the soul. i 0 share thelr burden: to be val the!r intelligence as well as their b to be treated by their husbands low workers and not as led children: progress in a word, to stand for Weste and not for Oriental decaden A few years ago there came to this country in a diplomatic capacity a gen tleman whom it would be invidious to name more particularly than as a deni- zen of the land of pigtalls and polygamy He was accompanied by one of his wives, who was to preside over his establ ment and take her place among her Western colleagues. The little lady found her surroundings rather overwhelming; she faMed to mas- ter the language and the formal func- tions of official life were hardly hilarious to a person who could neither understand what was sald to her nor enjoy what was given her to eat. At last, at a large dinner, her isolatlon was so apparent, in spite of the good- natured efforts of the gentlemen on eitter side, that her husband lost patience and spoke his mind with strange frankness to the lady next to him. “She is affectionate,” sald the Celest'al, with a shrug, “but she has no brains. [ have one with brains—but I left her at home.” The sentence ended in a sigh. The taste of the remark Is more than questionable, but its application to the present subject is so apt that [ venture to offer it as an object lesson to my coun- trymen. When starting on that untried experfence calied married life might not the true diplomatist make a better suc- cess If he chose as companion “the one with brains”? HE YOUNG MAN AL A BO/BAND B RV FRANG I BARFPR that the Lord has really something to do with such a proposition; she takes such a proposal under consideration, and the young man as well. Let me illustrats what I mean. I have read of a fast you man who decided to make a formal offer of his heart and hand—allhe was worth nt young woman. He cau- ced his declaration with a few questions. Did she love him enough to live in a ‘cottage k Was she a good cook? Did she think it a wife's duty to make home happy? W she consult his tastes and wishes conce ing her assoclates and pursuits in | Could she make her own clothes? young lady safd that before she answe his questions she would t n of sc negative virtues she posses drank, smoked or chewed; bill to a laundress or tai out all night playing b lounged on the s glddy girls; never boys for cigars said she, rising indignantly, sured that you do all these th you expect all the virtues i wh you do not possess any yours I can never be your wife,” and she bowed him out of her presence and left him standing on the doorstep a wiser man for having proposed to the wrong girl. Of course, there are plenty of young women who ars not nearly so particular whom they mar- ry: they have no wish to marry a man superfor to themselves, and many of them never ask as to whether a yoyng man i their equal. ’ A young man should make his ch marriage from a right end. It is outrage against this most holy ir for a young man to marry simp'y tace or a fortune. These are (wo great motives which influence young people In the choice of a life companion, wealth and beauty. More consideration is given to wealth, beauty, external accomplishments, fashion, distinguished sucial connections, than to the inner life of mind and heart. A man may marry & pretty face and graceful form, and yet never have a wife. He may marry a fortune and be “taken in and done for.” Wealth can do many and great things, out it can't purchase the treasure of a wife’s affection; such a possession, it Is well sald, is like the grace of God, given, not bought. As long as passion, passing fancy and perverse judgment prevail with the con- tracting parties, how can we look for anything else but disappointment and sorrow. This, the highest and most ten- der of all earthly relations, should be the bapplest of all; but that th may be realized, there must be high ideals and genuine sentiment, purity and largeness of feeling. A celebrated writer, in writ- ing respecting the choice of a wife, says: *“Always bear In mind that If she is not frugal, If she does not pride herself on her knowledge of family affairs and lay- ing out her money to the best advantage, let her be ever so sweet tempered, grace- fully made or elegantly accomplished, she is no wife for the man who has to make his way In the world. All those other- wise amiable talents will but open just so many roads to ruin.” A man is never irretrievably ruined in his prospects until he marries the wrong woman. It is far from the proper motive to marry for *“‘convenifence” or for a ome,” as we sometimes hear It sald. There is no real marrizge whers there is no sliver ccrd of love and affection to bind it. never m pretty - W \ Revenge s lfke a rebounding ball. Tt comes back to the hand that threw it. No man is so sure of his destiny that another may nct do him a favor or an Injury. - CEA The chronie fault-finder 1is afrald to laugh lest one would think he was enjoy- ing himself. e sty e The man who dees not belleve in good women is not fit toc be the assoclate of any woman. ¢ & e A woman who thinks herself a pocket edition of & Guide to Heaven needs a straftjacket to keep from harm others. SR A Some people’s only attraction I well-filled purse. e . i The man never lived who could n outwitted by a woman if she buto‘b:l; tried. A woman's coquetries have out- generaled the genius that conquered worlds, “To love” !s what? Active, passive uter? Well, 1t's “IT all right. e ”, e