The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, December 8, 1901, Page 4

Jome jints for Young People Copyright, 1901, by Doubleday, Page & Co. F good manners are expected of chil- ‘dren they must be treated cour- teously. They should be taught that consideration for others underlies genuine courtesy. Mere manners may treacherously desert one at critical mo- ments, but true politeness may be re- lied upon. To talk of children in their presence makes them self-conscious and robs them of the simplicity that is their greatest charm — “kingdom-of-heavenites,” Cole- ridge calls them. T'he least shade of imipertinence or dis- respect should be checked promptly and sharply. American parents are not con- sidered good dlsclplinarhns. An English- man once jestingly remarked, “In the States parents are sent to bed for ‘an- swering back! " Children who are not obliged to be po- lite to their elders and to ome another will not suddenly become well-bred when strangers are present. They should not take the mest comfortable seats or most advantageous pesitions, but be observing and offer such little attentions to their parents and elders, and the boys to their sisters, Such attentions should also be acknowl- edged with courteous appreciation. A home may have the elegance of high breeding, no matter how simple the sur- roundings. Children should not be al- lowed to contradict each other, but be early taught to use the same courtesy in expressing differences of opinion as do their elders—*“I beg your pardon” or “I #am sure that you are mistaken.” It is all & matter of habit; but the outward form often compels the inward feeling. They should be made to understand, too, that their unsoljited opinions or advice of- .ers to pass first, THE fered to their elders is a rudeness that will make them unpopular. It used to be the custom for children to say ‘Yes, ma'am,” *“No, sir,” to their elders, but that is now considered to be- long to the courtesy due from servants, and well bred children say, ‘‘Yes, mam- ma,” “No, grandpapa,” and the tone of polite deference must underlie the simple “Yes'’ and “No”’ when unaccompanied by the name of the person addressed. ‘Well-bred children do not pass in front of a person without an apology, or enter a room whistling, or addressing some one therein, unobservant of the conversation that may be in progress. In the Presence of Visitors. Young people should rise whenever a visitor comes into or takes leave of the family circle, and also if addressed else- where by an older person, should they happen to be seated. In France young girls are trained in winsome, attractive manners. They are careful to stand aside to permit their eld- They do not sit while any one of them is standing, and their polite deference in conversation pays them a pretty compliment, It was for a French woman that the word ‘‘charming’ was invented. Children should not be forward in claim- ing the attention of friends or visitors when they are being greeted by the elder members of the family, neither should one hold out a reluctant hand under parental coercion. Shyness is only less unattract- ive than forwardness, and is due generally to ignorance of what is expected of one. Should a child enter the room where the mother is entertaining a visitor to ask a question oy favor he or she should stand by the mother's side, without speaking, until addressed by or presented to the stranger. Then, after asking permission to prefer the request, it is made, and the child withdraws, after taking courteous leave of the guest, We all feel that it is humiliating to have the attention of others directed to our shortcomings and children are not less sensitive, but some mothers do not seem SUNDAY CALL. s Lo Vo, ) p— fo know that they are breaking all the aws of good taste in correcting a child before a guest. It is as annoying to the visitor as it is cruel to the child, making him awkward and self-conscious, if noth- ing worse. The time is ill-chosen for child- training. Any possible conflict or clash of wills between parent and child should be anticipated in time and the little one tactfully withdrawn before any unseemly friction becomes apparent to the visitor. ‘“Showing off”” children is an unconscious injustice to them. Let a mother keep to herself, for private delectation, the knowi- edge that her child is a prodigy. A Well-Trained Boy, Let a boy be as free as air out of doors, but in the house demand that he behave like a gentleman. In medieval times lads were made pages to courtly dames for such training. : It is not, however, the province of the entire family to bring him up. ‘‘Nagging' is one of the small foes to the peace of a household, but the teaching of boys to be gentlemen at home is as essential as the training of them to be men in the world. When physical strength begins to be realized by a boy. his first idea is to use it solely as a power. He must be taught to regard it also as a2 responsibility. His strength inclines a truly manly man to gentleness toward those who are weaker. “Noblesse oblige.”” A tactful mother will make much of a lad’'s strength, appearing a little dependent upon it. - A boy accompanying his mother or sis- ters in the street should be taught to raise his hat when they return a bow or meet a friend, or when' alone the boy passes an acquaintance of his own or of the family, he should show the same cour- tesy, unless in the case of a fellow lad or a young man, when a bow or nod suffices. The old adage, ‘‘Children should be seen and not heard,” has not been supersed- ed by a better, however unpopular with the present generation. It would spare mal-apropos remarks until the child were old enough to recognize when to speak and when to be silent. Boys early learn sportsman’s etiquette, to accept defeat uncomplainingly, to show no favoritism in playing games, and to keep one’s temper, but girls are some- times offenders in these things. Unless self-government is taught, pa- rental training is imperfect. Imposing Self-Control. A look should be sufficient to restrain a child in public if he or she has been properly instructed behind the scenes. Especially when guests are present it is unseemly for there to be any protest on the child’s part against the parent’'s wishes, expressed by word or look. At all times ‘“No’’ should be irrevocabie when uttered; but a conscientious review of the situation should first be made, in strict justice to the little beings who are so entirely dependent for happiness. A “teasing’’ child is merely a victim of bad management. A wholesome self-restraint about an- noying trifies is imposed by good man- ners, Fretting about the weather or a disappointment, fussing about what can- not be cured, poisons the atmosphere like a miasma. The practice of allowing a sick child to be as cross, petulant, and exacting as his humor dictates is an injustice to the child, who should be taught that under no cir- cumstances may one remit the effort at self-control. The injunction should be pressed with loving firmness. Children should be early instructed in behavior at table. No amount of subse- quent drilling quite atones for early neg- lect. All corrections should, however, be made in such a maner as not te attract the attention of others. At the family meeting-place nothing should be allowed to overshadow the general pleasantness. Every-day etiguette includes the custom of cheerful daily greetings. When a grunt does duty for a.a pleasant ‘good morning’’ and inaudible murmur replaces a tender ‘‘good-night,” family mannérs need mending. People should never be ecriticised ad- versely in the presence of children, A look should be sufficient to restrain a child from eating some coveted dainty at table., If children were made to feel that their parents denied themselves a pleas- ure in denying them their wishes, and that only their best judgment guided by tenderest love prompted the refusal of what they would be far happier to grani, there would be more trust and less fric- tion between parents and children. In no one thing does the good and bad training of early life so quickly betray itself ag in the treatment of those whom circumstances have placed in dependent positions. The higher the nature the more strongly is felt the inarticulate appeal from the less-favored classes for justice and gentleness. Children should not be thrown in the society of servants for companionship more than necessary, but they should be required to treat them with courteous con- sideration, prefacing every request with “please,”’ and ready with pleasant thanks in acknowledgment of any service. Among influences that mold and re- fine the young persons of the household is the informal and frequent entertain- ment of welcome guests. Those ac- customed to the presence of visitors ha\?/ more pleasing manners, are more at thek ease, and consequently more graceful and tactful than those who have not this ad- vantage. Entertaining visitors unifies a family, all being pledged to the same object, the gratification of the guest. ¢ .Children should be made to feel their identification with the home. A little fel- low replied to the question whether he had any brothers and sisters, “No, we have only one child.” Social observance requires no effort if one learns it in early youth. A child should be encouraged to write his or her own note of thanks for a pleasure offered or a present received. However childish- ly expressed, it will probably thanx the giver better than most correct effusions written by an elder. Should a child of one household have a quarrel with another, the mothers show a petty spirit in adopting it themselves. The difference should be carefully look- ed into, and the children urged to apolo- gize and ‘‘make up.”” The one who is most forward to take the initiative has usually the finer instincts. Should a mother learn that her child has been guilty of some grave fault toward an- .. other, she should call at once with her child upon the one who has been injured, and make her child apologize, expressing her own regret and offering to make any reparation in her power. She should be met in a generous and forgiving spirit, The rule works goth ways. No woman should ever presume to scold or correct the child of another, mar should she be the one to report its misdeeds. A school girl's dress should be plain, neat and ecalculated to excite no envy, at- tract no attention. Simplicity is not only in good taste, but it is the characteristic of a little malden’'s costume among thoso ho set a fashion by adopting it. Chil- en should be as unconscious of their clothes as birds of their plumage. To talk of their dress before them is fatal to that spirit, ‘When unwise mothers or nurses admire them in a particular costume or discuss its becomingness, the poison begins (0 work, It is wisdom on the part of parents to encourage the visits of their children’s friends and make them so welcome that they may feel at home., So it may be judged whether or not their companion- ship is to be desired, It is best for the mother to limit the children’s circle of acquaintance to those of her own personal friends, as far as may be, since she vpresumably knows something of the home influences. Should invitations come from children whose parents are unknown to her, they should be written by the mother of such chil- dren or accompanied by a line from that lady seconding the invitation; but in any case it is wise to make inquiries and learn what one may of the influences sur- rounding the new playmates, Children’s Entertainments. A birthday is generally the ocecasion of childish hospitalities. The young folk —_——— — Continued on Page Seven, B S T e e a s |