The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, December 1, 1901, Page 7

RS. LOVELL WHITE says that it is fresh wmr makes her tire - club woman that she s, It is attributing & good deal to Ban Francisco air, but she is logical about the mat‘e:. Bhe is the moth- er of that precoclous offspring the Call- fornia Club, and she says that she coull never attend to all the duties contingent upon that motherhood if she did not have magnificent health, aad she could never have achleved that magnificent hea'th without the daily dfet of fresh air which #he has always lved on. The club 18 a strapping youngster of only three years, and goodness knows how many sections and members~ It 1s wide awake and full of youthful enthu- slasm, and it keeps her busy day and night, for she says she sometimes comes home with her mind so full of its hurry- ing activities that sic cannot drop it from her consciousness even in sleep. Nobody. need wonder at this, Just a glance at half the work that this unique club does is enough to make you wondee how one woman can be the moving spirit of f0 much. It was the California Club that organized the children’s playground for boys who had no other playgrourd R than the street. It was the California Club that had the !aw passed which causges children to oe tried apart from older criminals. The California Club gave the exhibition of industrial arts. It has started traveling librarics. It is just now busying itself with keeping a woman on the School Board, projecting a civil scr- vice reform and putt'ng through the Ca - averas tree matter. The watchword of the club is “Doing. * Mrs. White's watchword is *‘Doing.” Her personality and that of her club are one. It is hers in very truth, for she founded it and has beer its president ever since. It Is not often that one sees a work which so completely expresses the individual behind it. Cflicials of other or- guulmllm’m often comp.ain that they can- not see their ‘deas carricd out owing to other people’'s ideas, others’ conflicting minds; but Mrs. White has the kind of mind that rules by .oncentration. Her club reflects her. He: cub is Mrs., White Taken as one, the work and the woman, they are unique. They stand for pctiviiy rather than theory. Mrs. White says that talking i{s the crecapest thing in th- world, She hasn't thme for It. She is ro busy doing. d ‘The alm of the club is civic, and there- in lies her work. She works for reforms and social improvements. She does not despise th.é self-culture that is the so'ec e SRS o 8 2 ETIQUE —————— Continued from Page Two. wear it. Therefore do not say, “Great Scott, what a hat!" but find something to admire first, by way of preface to adverse critict:m, which should be spoken in a manner to arouse no antagonism, or home criticism has Its place and value, and should not be resented it it be given courtecusly and not when under jrrita- tion. Do we not all know eccentric, un- lovable people who bhave lived much alone, with no one so nearly related to them as to venlure to find fault with them? The sooner that we recognize the utility of family criticism, the sooner we #hall cutgrow It. : Soclety requires that whatever their private relations, husband and wife face the world as a unit appearing harmonious und with interests identical. Husband and Wife. Nothing so cheapens a married woman and her husband In the eyes of the world as her tog evident effort to attract the interest and admiration of other men, Flirtation among married’ people . 1s growing more and more common, and so are divorces, Bad form can go no further, It has deen sald by a wise Frenchman that “happy people need few pleasures," and when the world sees a woman to whom social success {3 the alm and ob- ject of life it guesses pretty shrewdly that all s not right at home, and no woman wishes to make a present of such a secret to a captious and eritical world, Women ire the custodians of the moral- ity of a nation and cannot hold them- selves toa high. Time was, nol 80 very long ago, when, in America, the bridal vell was no less a gymbol of withdrawal from soclety than the one assumed In the cloister. Danc- ing, tirtation, attention from other men were all eschewed as a4 matter of course, and the young woman gave herself all in “The Most Famous Club Women on the Pacific Coast!” Do you know who they are? Or, in knowing who they are, have you ever studied their personalities to know why they should be considered the “most famous”? This sketck of Mrs. Lovell White is the fifth in an interesting series on just those lines. ' A B . X aim of many clubs. but she slys that self- culture can be achieved by doing—by ac- tivity. “The proudest achievement of my life has been the founding of the California Club,” she says, “and the way that m-n have helped us upon our many difficult tasks makes me believe that they are a very good sort. I don't believe, as som® who are in the habit of thinking, suffragists do, that ‘tyrant man’ is grind. Ing us under his heel. 1 don't believe in too much talking on the subject anyway, all to the man of her heart and choice. She was not necessarily sacrificed; there was bliss in the self-surrender, and di- voreces were then almost unknown. The simple and comprehensive phrase used in the old Russian marriage cere- mony, “‘Here, wolf, take thy lamb,"” may be suggested to some minds in recalling such old-fashioned customs and ideas, but such wives are the kind still dreamod of by lovers of all times and countries, and they become such mothers as Cole- ridge speaks of as ‘‘the holiest thing altve,” Neyer should married peonple discuss the peculiarities of gne another in the pres- ence of a third party. Personalities that are made to do duty as family jokes are never funny to the stranger, For a wife to complain of her husband to any outsider, or a husband to confide anything derogatory of his wife to an- other, seems too heinous a fault to have its possibility belioved, but such things have been., A wife who in the confes- sional had been complaining to the prigst of her husband had i severe penance ap- pointed her. “You have confessed your husband’'s sins, and must therefore do his penance,”” was the priest's explanation, All public display of affection is in equally bad taste, and Is regarded with suspicion, Their behavior toward each other sets an example that will probably influence the households of which the children will eventually be the heads, If the father i{s uniformly held up by the mother to the children's adiration and respect, If she regards his home-coms- ing as a pleasant event, is lovingly soli- clitous of his approval, they will idealize him, 1f the father is tender and chival- rous toward the mother, showing defer- ence to her wishes and opinfons, the chil. dren will show her lll_w consideration, They should never know of any difference of views or opitions between their pa- rents, As one, their united judgment should appear infallible TTE: BY MRS. for good works are accomplished by do- ing.” Mrs. White is the kind of woman on whom you can spring an unexpected and difficult question and get an answer wit- out giving her time to think. She doesn't say, “That is a very broad subjeet, and ¥ must think it over,”” as most of us do the morning after, what onr repartee should have been. She answers in a\ way that gives one the impressiun that she has all BURTON KINGSLAND. If it is a point of good manners that we should appear to like every one with whom we come in contact in the weorld of society, and give open expression to all the ‘interest that we feel, is it not equally a matter of home etiquette not to repress the fondness that would giadden others by its manifestation? Taking love on trust, because it has becn expresseld long ago and never officially retracted, is like trying to warm one's self with the memosy of last year's sunshine. Words without deeds, however, are of course an impertinence possible only to shallow na- tures, Those observant of home courtesy would never taunt with a past mistake, never talk at one another, either alone or in company, never see what another would hide, nor make a remark at another's ex- pense. They must not both be angry at the same time. When a man is under irritation a woman may expect to hear vehemence of lan- guage out of all proportion to the annoy- ance, She must discount the exaggera- tion, be deaf to the “unsanctified syllables of his vocabulary' and follow the wisdom of Solomon in giving the soft answer. Re- taliation will turn the discyssion into a vulgar quarrel, than which no worse “form" is possible, Given a little time and a little silence the hugsband will usual- ly show in actions—rarely in words—that he has been mistaken or regrets his hasti- ness, - Sydney Smith sald that the reason that there were so many unhupmv\ es was because ‘“‘the girly were afi“m make nets and not cages for theld hus- bands." Mothers-in-Law. When the household numbers among its inmates some one who is not of the im- mediate family "the difficulties multiply, The proverb says that “there is no house large enough for two families,” but al- lhuuHh it requires a delicate adjustment of tempars and dispositions, the impossible her apindens neatly pigeon-holed away In her mind, al} ticketed and ready for he: to lay ber hand on at a moment's notics It is a temptation to experiment on her with the sort of questions that used to Be propounted in interrogation books when our mothers were young. One wants to see if she can be found unpre- pared, but she never is. “Who Is your ideal woman?’' she was confrented with. *Once I said that Susan B Anthony ~as,” she replied, “but I gaid it only be- cauee she comes nearer to th® standard than any other woman in the broader pheee of ker life. 8he might have been complete if she had ever married, but as it is, she lacks the all-round development which goes to make the ideal woman. Bhe is probably the bravest and the most fndependent woman I know of, for her work has been done without any assist- ance—more than that, she has fought her battle alone against great opoosition. She {s honestly single-minded, having one great purpose In mind which, by the way, Is one secret of success—specializa- tflon. But it takes wifehood and mother- hood to make the perfect woman.” This.led to another question at which she didn’t pause for a second. “Is any marriage better than no mar- riage?” “No, 2 thousand times no. There is no greater agony in life than that caused by an unhappy marriage. Marriage is a good thing when it is good, but other- wise—I should say, choosé single blessed- ness without hesitation. I honor the woman who chooses a life of hard work rather than marry merely for support.” Mrs. White has no small amount of the all-roundaness “which she idealizes. She keeps up a home ‘at the same time that ihe busies herself as head officer of a big organization. In personality she has strength, mingled with sweetness, not only in speech and manner, but in face, tcy, for she is tall and queenly, at the scme time that there is a softness in her ' gray .eyes, a softness that prevents your being afraid of her, even though you had a) inclination to be so just at first. She has a magnetism that comes from good vitality. She guards her health sa- credly, for on it depends her ability for work. She has no hygienic fads, but fol- lows the simplest and most old-fashioned rules, such as ‘early to bed, early to rise,”” a plain diet and long walks. If she has a hobby, it is fresh air. ‘Which is a pretty good steed to ride, and one that is bound for a successful goal. 5 Y Y has been accomplished and may be again, Only love can work miracles, but “if courtesy is not Christianity it is a capital imitation of it.” Like an armor of proof, it deflécts many a criticism that would otherwise wound, or at leasf blunts its sharpness. If the husband's mother be of the house- hold, let the wife treat her as she would wish to be treated when the sturdy tod- dler at her side makes her a mother-in- law, encouraging her husband in paying courteous and fond attention to his mother and showing her herself every re- spect and deference, especially before the friends of the family, the children and ser- vants, whose conduct will be patterned after hers. Let the mother-in-law remember that no household is 'well or happily governed where there are two mistresses, and ad- here to the principle of non-interference, The art of living with others requires the cultivation of a judicious blindness and the art of living happily entails self-sacrie fice. It it is the wife's mother that comes intg the home, other dangers threaten. Howe ever much a daughter may be guided by her mother's advice, let her assume thg entire responsibiiity of all that trans. pires in the house. Common sense dic- tates that the husband be not allowed to fecl that his mother-in-law is the unseen power that is ruling his household. The longer what the children call “‘com. pury manners” can be kept up between then the longer will there be barriers to unpleasant relations. Home happiness keeps the girls from heedless marriages and the boys from many dangers, and as & ‘preservative of harmony, mutual courtesy and considera- tion are invaluable. The atmosphere which the parvents crepte in the home by example becomes the rule for the children and to be content with anything lower in latitude than pares dise is Lo live below one's privileges,