The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, December 1, 1901, Page 2

; THE SUNDAY COURTESY AND 600D MANNERS | IN THE HO — WISHI =S S = — 0 W e e} b .,., AL S W AT A Copyright, 1901, by Doubleday, Page & Co, I.I, that the spirit of the most punctilious etiguette enjoins fut one's conduct in soclety is doubily binding &t home. As the New Testaument enforces the teachings of the Old with vagtly more exhaustive requirement, but rellcves them of all hardnegs and exactness by the infusion of love as o motive, so with the family rela- tion Each jndividualit i an uncompromis- y CALL. ing fact and has to be takeu into consid eration, and though brothers and sisters owe identically the saine debt to heredity all the way back to Adam, they usually seem to have taken advantage of the wide 2hoice offered by the muititudinous fam- fly connection to inhcrit the most oppo- site traits and often :nost antagonistic natures. The law of ‘‘the attraction of opposites” in matrimonial selection also complicates the domestic problem, and, unfortunately, relationship is not a talis- man for affection. To harmonize tempers and dispositiors much love is required, but there is no oth- er such emollient to ailay irritability, no such check to petty disagreements or to Interference with personzl liberty between brothers and sisters, *o like bar to rude- ness on the part of chi'dren and cervants, as the habitual observance of the rules of politeness which we :nstinctively follow with strangers. Sources of Family Discord. The a b ¢ of good manners demands that we soften the ssperity of criticism, but home truths have often a freedom and frankness pecullarly exasperating Altercation about trifles is a fruitful source of friction, and stock subjects of disputation beget a chronic “touchiness.”” One seldom convinces by excited and voluble argumenrt, an1 when a suspicicn of temper appears giod-by to success! Politeness compels a conciliatory man- ner, an open-minded bospitality to the views of others, whicn will be most ef- fective if our objcct be to influence rather than to vent our irritation. ‘‘Peace at any price” is a good family motto. Some persons keep advice for gratuitous distribution, and give it at such length and with such energy that all free agen- cy seems lost {0 the one addressed. A well-bred reticence should be exercised both in asking questions and offering ad-* vice, relfiecunz every one's natural fle- sire for independent tLought and actlon. The elders are apt to dogmatize, expec'- ing their views to be accépted without question, forgetting that their correctness 1s not go evident to those whose minls have not passcd through the same pro- cesses. There are people who seem to think that no one s entitled to a place in the world but those of whom they approve. These self-constituted critics mre usually the least patient of criticlsm when directed toward themselves. We C¢annot expect all the world to live up to our standards, nor expect of others what #t is not in them to be. How tiresomely monotonous all the world would be! A wise power has made no two allke. As well condemn the rose for not being as useful as the cabbage! Family “Good Form.” One thing good form lmperatively de- mands, that by no migchance, no loss of self-control, shall family discords be re- vealed to strangers, children or servants, If there be friction that may develop into a skirmish, let it be deferred, at whatever cost to self-represslon, and resumed, 1f need be, behind closed doors. ' An uncontrolled volce is always unman- nerly. It Is wise not to allow a point at issue to become too important, SBome persons always wish to share thelr small allments and for thelr sufferings, require an audience A French woman once exclaimed with comic pathos, “Talk of the patience of M. Job! Any woman whose husband has had a cold In the head is entitled to a llke immortal reputation!’” A readiness to give up in little things i3 the most tactful appeal possible for a re- turn of courtesy at other times when the matter may be of importance to us. It is a high attainment in politeness to allow others to be mistaken. Let a trifling misstatement pass unnoticed where no principle Is involved, and when a mistake is past remedy, it is best to let the subject drop. The argument of the ‘I told you 80"’ character is quite superfluous, That irritability can be controlled and that instantly is proved besthe celerity with which frowns vanish and the voice takes on tones of genial cordiality at the unexpected appearance of some acquaint- ance with whom we wish to stand well, The paradox Is hard to explain that— We vex our ‘own by look and tone, Yet we love our own the best. . May it not be that in the world of so- ciety politeness has become second nae ture? It is there instinctive to put re- straint upon ourselves, to hide whatever will not be pleasing to others and to show ourselves at our besgt and brightest, but in the seclusion of home we dare to be barbarians, still trusting to love to stand the strain. Nothing 1s more contagious than tem- pers, good and bad. There are some un- canonized saints who seem to be non-con- ductors of moral electricity. When others are cross they turn a deaf ear and pre- tend not to see and the culprits are grate- ful—afterward. Vasari says of the painter Raphael that ill-humor could not live in his atmosphere. One can always be cheer- ful whether one is happy or not. Good breeding is so largely an outward expres- slon of an inward grace that the boundary line between etiquette and ethics is often undistinguishable. Foints of Family Honor and Breeding Of course no dellcate or honorable per- son opens another's letters Even the youngcest chiidren in the household should have the pleasure of opening the letters addressed to them, and 50 be trained intog a recognition of the inviolable nature of personal correspondence. Practical jokes are rarely indulged in by persons of nice perceptions, and teas- ing passes the bounds of good taste the moment that it ceases to be a malter of pure fun on all sides. Inquisitiveness 1s always bad “Whom is your letteg from?" “What makes your eyes so red?’ are Interfer- ences with one's rightful privacy. A closed door should be respected and form, glve assurance of seclusion, Liberty is the guaranteed enjoyment of lawful rights. The rough proverb, “Wash your dirty linen at home,"” carries a valuable truth, One who s #o disloyal as to repeat to any outsider, however Intimate, anything to the discredit of the family, deserves to forfeit all famlily rights and privileges And here.let me enter a protest against making one's family matters newspaper property, Therevara. no terms strons enough to condemn the vanity of parents who will allow a daughter's charms, prospects and advantages Lo be advor. tised in the public prints in this pre ridden country. Home Truths. For some occult reason people are sens sitive to criticism of thelr clothes and even of the prevalling fashion,_as they Continued en Puge Beveny