The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, September 16, 1900, Page 6

‘5 - . 6 THE SUNDAY - CALL. Jhe Described JIt. el It was the first day at se¢hool. The bell had tapped and the little people of the secondary primary were sitting upright in their seats, hands properly folded and with round eyes fixed on the new teacher, taking.a metal inventory. She was a bit nervous. It was her first sch * The children made her ‘‘fidgety,” they®started at her so hard and watched her so narrowly. " She began to fecel like a mouse that is within the clutches of a cat. She cast about wildly in her mind for some occu- pation to begin the first day. She re- gretted bitterly that she had not ar- ranged some definite plan of campaign. Then her face brightened. She would find out what the children already knew. Question followed question, touching on divers subjects. ’ “Now, who knows what a skeleton is?"” asked the teacher, smiling coaxingly. The little girl wearing the pink gingham apron and occupyving the back seat waved her hand wildly and worked her mouth in frantic endeavor to get ‘“‘teach- er’ to look at her. ' “Well, what is 1t?”° “A skeleton,” said the tot, twisting her apron in her fingers, “is a man who has his insides outside and his outsides off."— Denver Times. WISE PROPRIETOR. “See here!” exclaimed the disgusted guest, “this meat’s simply awful. \Where's the proprietor of this joint?"” “He's gone out to lunch, sir,”” replied ¢he waiter.—Philadelphia Press. FRIENDLY ADVICE. Friend—All you need is patience. Young doctor—Yes, if yvou spend it in the way I spell it.—Syracuse Herald. HARD ON HER “Papa is afraid some man will marry me for my money. would?”’ “Some men will do almost anything for money.” O A TR T H A TR TR T AR SRR T A OA TR TORTP POSITIVE AND COMPARATIVE, Old Friend—How's your father this morning? Good? Little Boy—No. He’s startin’ to swear again, so he must be better. He's on'y good when he feels real sick.—Philadel- phia Press. P A TR TSR TS A SR TR TSRO TSR AT k>R AN EARTHLY SORROW, Melancholy Mudd--And I can’t hold more than half of it! much. —Philadelphia Record. f Of course I wouldn’t. B A TA T AT A TA T AT AT AT AT K TSR TR TSR TSR T@ ‘I see breakers ahead.” “rhat doesn’t affect me; I'm broke already.” PR TIAETRDAD YO U SR SR TOEDYIEIYETSETRETRETET O A DROP TOO MUCH. | HARD TO PLEASE. ‘Wife—Tell me honestly, John, if I should die, would you marry again? John (desiring to please)—Marry again! Such an idea would Hoax—What made the elevator fall? Joax—The elevator man took a drop too | | never enter my mind. | Wife (angrily)—Oh, you wouldn’'t? You don't find marriage pleasant, I suppose? No doubt you are sorry you married me. John (still desiring to please)—You don’'t understand, my dear. I was joking, of course. 1 meant that I would marry again. Wife (more angrily)-You would, eh? You are in a great hurry to get married again. Perhaps you wish that I was out of the way. I know you would be glad if T died—ugh'!'—London Tit-Bits. He—Of course you can’t believe every- thing you hear. She—Oh, no! but you can repeat it! O T A TR TR TR TR TR TR TR Do you think any one IN CALACO. CHANéE TO TRY THEM. “After all,”” asserted the youthful ma- chine politician. “I Dbelieve in ‘ring’ methods.” "‘Oh, George!" she cried, “this is so sud- den.””—Chicago Post. ~9 “I don't unéerstand AN AGREEABLE COLOR. ! “Do you like pink teas?’ asked the| Brooklyn girl. | “I never tasted them,” replied the visit- { or from Cook County, “but I just dote on | pink lemonades.”’—Brooklyn Life, CHICAGO HYPERBOLE. | Englishman—You have some pretty high | buildings in Chicago, haven't - ou? i Chicagoan (in London)—Well. I should ! remark. Why, the tops of them are cov- | ered with snow the year round!—Loadon' Tit-Bits. HAfraid of Peing Kissed. Here is an ingenious Circassian story: A man was walking along one road and a woman along another. The roads finally united and the man and the woman reach- ing the junction at the same time, went on from there together. The man was carrying a large iron kettle on his back: in one hand he held by the leg a live chicken, in the other a cane; and he was leading a goat. Just as they were coming to a deep, dark ravine the woman said te the man: “lI am afraid to go through that dark rayvine with you. It is a lonely place, and you might overpower me and kiss me by foree.”” “If you are afraid of that,” said the man, ‘‘you shouldn’t have walked with me at all. How ecan I possibly overcome you and kiss you by force when I have this great iron kettle on my back, a cane in one hand and a live chicken in the other, and am leading this goat? I might as well be tied hand and foot.” “Yes,” replied the woman, “but if you should stick your cane in the ground and tie your goat to it, and turn the kettle bottom side up and put the chicken under it, then you might wickedly kiss me in spite of my resistance.” “Sucecess to thy Ingenuity, O woman,” sald the man to himself. “I should neves have thought of this expedient.” And when they came to the ravine he stuck his cane into the ground and tied the ‘goat to it. gave the chicken to the woman, saying, “Hold it while I cut some grass for Lhe goat,” and then, lower- ing the kettle from his shoulders, he wickedly kissed the woman, as she was afraid he would.—Stray Stories. THE MEAN THING. “My dear,” said Mrs. Hunewell, as she poured the coffee at breakfast the other morning, ‘““do you believe in the eternal fitness of things?” *“I used to,” replied Hunewell, “but that was before you be- gan to make my shirts.”—The Satchel. A LOVER’'S INQUIRY. Mamma—Did Mr, Smiddle say anything that leads you to think that he intends to propose? Daughter—He asked me if there was & mortgage on the house. NOT THE SAME. Friend—Did Fortune smtle on you? Rejected suitor—Well, she gave me the laugh, if that’s what you mean.—Syracuse Herald. TSR T O HTORTTR O TP HER IDEA. “Are you for impcrialism? vou.”” “l mean—er—do you faver annexationr- “Oh! this is so sndden. B AT AT AT AT AT AT AT AT KT K D AT AT AT Yes—I'm yours.” HE WON. “The 12:47 has gone.” Quoth the traveler, “What shall I do? Said a cop: “If you run You'll catch one at 1:92; There's another one, too, at 2:01."" —Philadelphia Press NOTHING TO SAY. Magistrate—You are charged with talk- ing back to.an officer, sir; have you any- thing to say? Prisoner—Not a wurd, yer Honor; Oi've sed too moceh alreddy.—Ohio State Jour- ‘ nal.