The San Francisco Call. Newspaper, September 16, 1900, Page 3

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THE SUNDAY CALL, A Born Diplomat. Diplomacy in the affairs of a nation is nothing more than an extension of tact in social life. One day last week a giant 1 colored man took a load of coal to a residence on the Cass farm. He was ross and ugly and the good wife who was looking after things at home wanted much at his hands. He had told her that he had three tons to throw off the wagon, had sworn roundly because the sliding door to the barn was hard to open, and he was in open rebellion when she asked him to make a bin in the corner so that the coal would not scatter all over the fioor. : “What you take me fo’, woman? You em jes’ like de boss at Ge vahd. He done ‘clude Ah'm a hoss, a steam infin’ an” a tug. Ah do mo’ wo'k dan all of 'em put togedda’ and den dey’s sayin’ Nick do dis and Nick do dat till Ah'm ready fo’ to ¢ig a ax in 'em. Ah'm no bin builldah. Ab'm a coal heabah, Ah is. Dat load goes right heah in de.centa’ of de floah and ef eny man comes ‘round heah sayin’ bin to me AR'll fiah him frough de roof.” Not a word back did this little woman say. Bhe went to the house, took the half of a luscious watermcion from the ice box, carried it to the barn and said: “Here, Nick, is some ice-cold melon and here’'s a big silver spoon. Eat It all, for we have more than we need. It may cool vour throat. I de pity any one who has to work so hard this weather. Sorrv I spoke about the bin, but "I didn’'t know where to get a man.” Nick’s eyes glistened. He tackled the melon before he did the coal, and he ate by the cubic foot. He built the bin. He nailed up a loose window sash and he swept the barn floor. When he returned the spoon to the maid at the back door he had his hat in his hand. while he said: “Please gib my ’'gards to de missus. Tell huh I neber 'joyed nothin’ mo’ in mah life and say when she done want mo’ coal please ask for Niek.”—Detroit Free Press. CHANGED HER MIND. Lady (in the theater to the playwright whose piece has just been hissed off)— Sir, I took the liberty in the last act ‘o snip off a lock of your hair. 1 now re- turn it to you.—Fliegende Blaetter. SOUTHERN DELIGHsS. “Are night?” “Don’t know; what's up?”’ “Shakespeare an’ possum."—Allanta: Constitution | you goin’ to the literary to- THE DIFFERENCE OF A LETTER. A CALL DOWN. Mrs. Spender—Don’t you think, dear, that the way I dress is fetching? Mr. S;?eender—Sure: it is gradually fetching me into the bankruptcy court. f truce an’ you fired on 'em."”’ {on a pole what they was usin’' fer a flag B T A TR T A OOR A TR TR AR T DR R TR TR ORI R TR R R - O MINING CAMP LAUNDERING. ‘ | “The complainants thar,” said the chair- | - “We did,” admitted the defendant. A TOUCH OF NATURE. —_— : ” “ | “We “The sentence of this court,” said the What do Ay think o . natural ¥o- | ;.an of the new committee of safety, “say | thought it wuz a black flag.”—Indianapo- | Judge, “is that you be condemned u: soli= & “:"" ::t ,f."":fia Sl | that they come to your shack with a sheet ! lis Press. ;"L’:;s confinement for the term of two Dawdle. “What 1 was born with was a |@- A A S AT A T AT AT ASA TS AT S AR SRS SR Q| T “Thanks, Judge. My profoundest iral vacation.”—Washington Star. ‘thanks!" exclaimed the culprit, with effu- BT sive gratitude. CRAMPED, His Honor, detecting the genuineness of —_ the prisoner’s appreciation, spontancously Cobb—I am building a new house. returned: Webb—Why didn't you have the old one remodeled ? Cobb—Couldn’'t afford it.—Harper's Ba- Bar THE RETURN TRIP. “Will you have plenty of fresh fruit at | that farm where you go, Alice?” “Yes; Arthur says he will bring a big basketful every night.”"—Detroit Free Press | | HARD LUCK. ! Gallant yachtsman—I think the worst experience I ever had was when we racn out of port in a gale of wind. H fair frienc Why. I thought sailors alw s drank rum.—Pick-Me-TUp. ' CAN'T SUIT 'EM. | “When he hustles they say it’s all for effect. | “And when he quiets down they say he's | posing.” —Cleveland Plain Dealer. ' QUITE ORDINARY. “Is he a man of much caliber?™ “No; just an old-iashioned bore.” —Judge. smootn | Wheeler—Gracious! PROBABLY. I wonder if 1'll ever get so old as to look like that? “I don’'t know, my friend, but T almost envy you. I am a married man myself.”’ — Richmond Dispatch. HIS ASSETS. “Yassir,” said the colored citigen, with a wave of his hand toward the cabin, “I's done broke. I reckon I's whut dey calls [a bankrup'.” i “What are your assets?” “Lemme see. Dar's me an' de | boys an’—"" “ “You misunderstand. "~ Your assets are | what' you have hopes of realizing money | on.” “Dat’s what I's gettin® to. My assets | ain” nuthin’ but fo' votes an’ a mule."-- | Washington Star. three CAUTIOUS MAN. | { l Brown—Did you notice what a black eve ! Smith had? { TRobinson—I saw it, but I make it a rule never to notice such things.—Boston Transcript, NOT MADE FOR USE. ‘““7hat was’'the cause of the latest quar- rel between Mr. and Mrs. Bickers?’ “Mrs. Bickers caught her busband ly- 1 { ing on one of 1 f: i 2 e - 0 T F AT E A AT A D HDAOET AT ATATAT A AT AR S AR AR Q| N8 i e THE Fhe— 17 1 had known you swore, He—Th's is what 1 get for be.ng a hyp.ciite, WAGES OF g 4} et | ‘ HYPOCRISY. I'd rever have married you. i per's Bazar. FORGOT WHICH. Johnny—Pa, what is the difference bee tween a walker and a pedestrian? Pa—One has corns and wears tight shoes, but I forget which one it is.—Bos= | ton Transcript. HIS FIRST CELEBRATION. “This month I celebrate my twenty- fourth birthday.” “That’'s odd—se do L” | “But I celebrate mine for the first l time.”’—-Heltere Welt. HAD TO GIVE WAY.' ‘““Have your summer vacation plans ma- tured yet, Billy?' *“Oh, yes; they had to be sidetracked on account of some summer notes that also matured.””—Indianapolis Journal. AN EASY ONE. Great Actor—I propose making a fare- well tour of the provinces. What play would you advize? Critic—*"Much Adicu About Nothing.'— Detroit Journal. NOT EXACTLY. When a man drinks like a fish it doesn’t follow that he’s in the swim.—Philadel- phia Record.

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